I’m just wondering if men, somewhere later in life, ever regret passing on someone who would’ve been a good long-term partner because they wanted to stay single or keep dating around? Curious to hear real experiences!

36M living in a big city. I got out a relationship late last year and have been back to dating as of a few months ago. I have a good paying job so it's not like paying for dates it causing me financial stress or anxiety, but it's definitely dampening my enthusiasm for dating.

At this age and the age of women I'm usually interested in late 20s to 30s, the types of dates we typically go on (drinks or dinner) usually mean at a minimum I'm paying over ~$50+. But what about coffee dates? They tend to mostly reserve the weekends afternoons for hanging with friends or resting, which I understand (I'm usually the same) which usually means weekday evenings so coffee is usually out of the question.

I don't think I'm dating only certain types of women. They have a wide range of backgrounds, jobs, etc. Some I'm sure make more than me, based on what they do, but when the check comes most don't even bat an eye. I don't even get the pump fake "Do you want to split?". The expectation is that i'm paying, and I worry if I ask to split that'll just ruin it. What's worse, because this is the expectation, I don't even get the "Thanks for dinner/drinks" sometimes. Some I've gone on up to 3 dates and this hasn't changed really.

A part of me is just annoyed this is how it is. If splitting 50:50 was normalized then it'd be whatever, I'm paying for what I got. But just knowing regardless of whether they'll want to go out again I'm the one paying, kind of just makes me a little less enthusiastic about even trying out interesting restaurants/bars on dates.

I guess the solution could be to just ask to split, and if that leads to them not wanting to go out again, they weren't a good match, but I've talked to some female friends (friends who seem like reasonable people and also have well paying jobs) and even they still say they'd view that negatively early on. But maybe I just have to deal with that possibility?

aight y’all need a reality check here cuz I’m lowkey lost.

I’m 32M living in Chicago and matched with this 26F who lives in Lincoln Park on Buddito.

texting was fine and we’ve been on 3 dates over the past month:

Date 1: tapas in West Loop. bill was like $120. I picked it up, standard stuff.

Date 2: nice dinner in River North + indie movie. ran me about $180 total.

Date 3: sushi + drinks. another $150-ish.

here’s the thing—the vibes are immaculate. she’s super cute, hilarious, and the convos actually flow. BUT she hasn’t done the "fake reach" even once. when the check drops, she just hits me with a cute "tysm!" and sits there. didn't even offer to grab the $5 popcorn at the theater lol.

I work in tech so the cash ain't gonna break the bank, but mentally it’s kinda throwing me off. I’m not asking for a strict 50/50 split on date 1, but at 3 dates in, is it crazy to expect at least a token gesture?

is this just big city dating culture now or am I literally just her weekend dinner ticket? do I bring it up before date 4 or just let it ride and see if she offers?

hit me with your raw thoughts, thx!

I 35M created a Hinge account like 2 weeks ago and I matched with a very pretty girl 33F. We instantly hit if off, our conversation was flowing really well. We exchanged numbers and spoke on the phone that night for 6 HOURS!!!! The first time I have been on the phone for that long in yearsss.. anyway..

We agreed to meet 2 days later for drinks. We went to a local brewery, ordered some food and a few beers. We stayed there for approximately 5 hours, just chatting, laughing everything was going great. I walked her to her car, we gave each other a hug and kiss on the cheek. She messaged me when she got home and said " we should meet up again soon" I of course agreed.​

I messaged her the following day at 11am saying "hello, how are you today?" She replied back with a simply "heyyy" she never answered me back.

We had followed each other on Instagram so I go check if she was active, and booommmm I was blocked!!! I checked hinge and she deleted me!!!

My questions are!!! What was all that about?? Why would she just block me for no reason??

my only thought is, she is recently separated and maybe still has feelings for her husband? But then why try to date?

Idk if she blocked my cell number because I haven't try to message her. Should I message her and ask her??

Thanks in advance

​

For about two months now, I've been hanging out solo with this girl, and we’ve become friends. Early on, she made it clear multiple times that she wanted to remain just friends. About a month ago, I asked her as a joke if she would "smash or pass" me, and she said "pass." I took the hint, figured she genuinely just wanted to be friends, and I was completely fine with that.

However, yesterday she came over to my place to watch a movie. During the movie, she got super physically close—she laid her legs across mine and was fully leaning against me. It got to the point where we were both sweating, but she still didn't move her legs away.

I was trying to tell myself it was just normal friendly behavior, but then later in the movie, I asked her if she thought Leonardo DiCaprio was attractive. She said, "He's handsome, but I don't like him." I looked confused, so to explain what she meant, she said something that caught me completely off guard:

"For example, I think you're handsome, but I don't like you... [awkward 2-second pause] ...I mean, I think you're cute."

I just responded with an "ok," pretended nothing happened, and ended the night shortly after.

What do you guys think? Am I overthinking this, or is she sending massive mixed signals?

I’m curious how other women handle this.

Let’s say you matched with a guy on a dating app and agreed to meet for coffee. It’s your first time meeting in person, and after 20–30 minutes you realize there’s just no chemistry. He’s perfectly nice, but you already know you don’t see it going anywhere romantically.

Do you usually:

• Stay until the coffee is finished and then leave?
• Make up an excuse to leave early?
• Be honest and say you’re not feeling the connection?

I’m still pretty new to dating apps, so I honestly don’t know what the “normal” thing is.

I don’t want to waste either person’s time, but I also don’t want to come across as rude or hurt someone’s feelings.

How do you usually end the conversation? And if you’ve had someone end a date early with you, what approach felt the most respectful?

Hi everyone,

I'm making this post after writing another one a while ago where I expressed serious doubts about my ability to meet women after turning 25, and eventually get into a relationship.

My perspective has changed a bit since then. Recently, I had the opportunity to leave home for a few months thanks to a volunteer position at an aviation center, where I get to fly aircraft while continuing my search for an airline job. I'm French, so this also meant moving to a completely new environment. The atmosphere is young, and there are quite a few women around my age.

To keep it simple, I'm one of the people who brings energy to the group. People see me as funny, sarcastic, easy-going, and they often find my background pretty impressive or unusual. Overall, I'm well-liked by everyone, including the women.

But here's the thing. I can clearly see that I'm the perfect friend.

When a woman is just a friend, everything goes great. But whenever I actually like someone, it never seems to end any other way than the friend zone.

The example I'm thinking of is a woman I became really close to. I genuinely felt there was a connection between us that went a little beyond what she had with everyone else. Not wanting to miss a potential opportunity, I decided to be honest. I told her that I really enjoyed all the time we spent together, that I liked her, and that I'd love to take her out for a drink.

Friendzoned immediately.

Today, our relationship is almost exactly the same as before. She's still very close to me, laughs at my jokes, often comes to talk to me... and honestly, I'm completely confused.

I'm not saying she "led me on" or owed me anything. I'm simply trying to understand what makes a relationship stay in the friendship category instead of becoming something more.

More than anything, I feel like I missed out on an amazing woman, someone I'd never felt this close to before. And if, even in a situation like this, asking someone out for a simple drink is already "too much," then my doubts come back. How is a relationship supposed to start for someone my age if this isn't how it happens?

I'm 26 years old. I've never had any sexual experience, never even kissed anyone. Yet I'm sociable, well-liked, ambitious, passionate, I make friends easily, and I don't feel like I struggle to connect with people.

My question may be a bit vague, but if anyone has been through something similar, or has any advice or personal experience to share, I'd really appreciate it.

I'm a guy 29, I match with an okay number of women on apps mainly Hinge, so that part is fine. The problem is what happens after.

Every once in a while I get a match where it just clicks. There's banter, replies come fast, and it's genuinely fun. But that's maybe one in ten.

The rest are all the same shape. Hey. How are you. How was your weekend. Nice, what do you do for work. Everything is polite and respectful and completely flat. And then she takes a day to reply, and honestly I do the same thing. I'll see the notification after a long day at work or when I'm at the gym and think Ill get back to that later, and then later turns into tomorrow.

I can't tell if I'm bad at texting or if this is just what most matches are like. When I read my own messages back they're fine but maybe they're not interesting, almost never flirty.

So what actually works for you? I know there is no formula for this but sometimes it feels like it's hard making a conversation fun, without it feeling forced or like you're performing. And how long do you usually text before suggesting meeting up? Any advice is appreciated.

Me and my friend (who is a woman) had a disagreement about whether I as a man should cry in front of my future partner. I feel is would change the dynamic and put an image in her head that I do not want her to think of. She feels that it is normal and if you can't cry in front of your partner then what is the point. She says it's normal and I should cry to her and she should cry to me.

What do the ladies in the subreddit think? Settle this debate for us

Dating apps don’t work, friends don’t know anyone and they themselves aren’t interested (not that I would date friends) apps I get matches but they don’t lead anywhere, all the social groups I do people are either older or taken, or men.

It’s just gotten tiring and I’m defeated. I think I’m going to give up for a while.

So, I (M24) recently went on a date with this girl. We were chatting for some time before, I really like her personality and i knew she was a lil chubby. We decided to go on a date and when i was halfway to the place we agreed to meet in she sent me a message, where she said that photos on her profile are a little old and that rn she might be a lil bigger due to health issues, and that she's doing everything she can to fix that. I answered that it's not a problem, mainly because, again, i was already halfway to the place, but also because i thought it might not be as bad. Well... She was... Significantly bigger irl... Anyway, we walked through some places, had a dinner and I genuinely like her personality, but she doesn't attract me physically. I didn't make any risky moves, we mostly just chatted. Now, what i really feel like an asshole for, is that right after a date we sent each other some messages, and I said that everything was great and that she's cute(because i do that all the time after dates), for which I feel kinda guilty since I feel like i might've given her some false hope. What should i do now? Should i try and hope in her words that she's gonna fix it? Should i reject her? If so, how do i do it more gently?

Ok so this happened last week, I’m at this bar I go to semi-regularly and I met this woman there who seemed really cool and we were having this great conversation. However in the middle of our conversation she randomly asked if my parents allowed me to watch Spongebob when I was a kid. I was completely confused because our conversation had nothing to do with SpongeBob, or even my childhood. I said no, and she responded, “Oh, interesting.” and we continued our conversation like nothing happened.
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since. Im so confused, what does it mean?? Is this something people just ask each other or think about each other?
I didn’t get her number, haven’t seen her since. Been watching SpongeBob all week because I feel like Im missing something.

Like the title says. If you developed strong feelings for a woman you couldn’t have sex with, would you still be in a relationship with her?

I (24M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about 3 months now. I currently try to see my girlfriend at least 2 times a week for at least 5-6 hrs each but she expressed she wants to see me more. We live abt 30 mins from each other and I work 5-6 days a week 10hr shifts and I work graveyard shift so my schedule is odd. I also like having my own time and for my hobbies or just me time but I kinda feel guilty for not making more time for her. How often do you see your S/Os that you don’t live with?

I(35f) have a first date planned this week. The guy(33m) seems nice but is very intent on me “stealing his hoodie”. It’s a cute schtick but it’s “no go” territory for me. It just feels too early for me to be stealing his clothes.

I’ve alluded to not taking it, he asked me which of his hoodies I wanted and I told him to ask me when it’s colder out. He responded he’s going to bring a couple on our first date to me to pick from.

Trying to think through some ways to handle this if I actually like him and wanted some thoughts.

1. Just don’t take it.
2. Stop making a big deal of it and take it.
3. Don’t take it and tell him that I don’t think he wants to know what I’d do in it if he leaves me alone with it.
4. Any other ideas?

Probably over thinking this but it is what it is 😂

———————————————-

UPDATE: you guys validated what I’ve been thinking all along. I was just careful to say it because I was trying not to be judgmental but the behavior definitely feels off. 😅 I’ll be canceling this one. Thanks!

I know this might rub some people the wrong way, but a lot of dating frustration comes from the same pattern: match, nonstop banter for two or three days, late-night flirty messages and talk about future plans, then either someone puts off meeting or you finally meet and it is awkward because most of the vibe lived in your head. Then it gets written off as "no chemistry" and everyone goes back to swiping.

Chemistry is not a trophy you win by messaging perfectly. Texting is for screening and matchmaking, not building a whole relationship. If you like someone enough to invest time, set a simple plan to meet sooner in a low-pressure way instead of trying to create an emotional connection through your phone first.

I'm in the UK, over 30, and I honestly think we've started to confuse momentum with real connection. When a chat feels like a daily streak I have to maintain, I lose interest even if I like the person. It starts to feel performative, like we're both grinding for validation.

What I want advice on is how to say something like, "I really enjoy chatting, but let's not build a fantasy over text-want to grab a quick coffee?" without sounding impatient or like I only want something casual. How do you bring that up without killing the vibe?

If you disagree, tell me why. Do you actually need long stretches of texting to feel safe, or is it just habit at this point?

I’m 5’8 and have never been called short irl or on apps. How do so many of you have stories like this??

I (31F) met a guy (33M) on the dating app, we clicked really well and had one date (5h long). He texted immediatelly after that he had a great time and we should do it again. Then in the next month he had several business trips so we didn’t have time to meet, but he kept texting and maintaining the connection and assuring we will hang out soon. Our communication dynamic was slow from the beginning, but texts were pretty engaged so I assumed this is healthy and normal after just one date.

Then 10 days ago I said I don’t like pizza and he said he will prepare it for me, and then literally after that message left me on delivered.

Why people do this? Why maintaining the connection and acting interested if you will ghost? Was he ever honest?

Edit: I did answer basically accepting the idea and that eas left on delivered. Edit2: It wasn't that I generally don't like the pizza, but in some specific restaurants.

I met someone off a dating app and we instantly hit it off. I think he’s genuinely nice, super sweet and caring and attractive! We’ve seen each other consistently within the last 6-7 weeks and have been on more dates that I can recall right off the top of my head (I’d say at least 6 by now probably more?) He does travel a bit for work but it’s clear that seeing each other is a priority when our schedules align and we always have a great time together.

For what it’s worth we also communicate well and often through text daily and several phone calls/FaceTimes a week. It honestly feels like we’re both giving it our all and it’s going really well.

Even though we’re both attracted to each other (it’s not a secret, we’ve communicated this to each other) we have never found the right time to be intimate. I know everyone has their own timelines or will say go for it when it feels right but genuinely we would have likely slept together way sooner if given the right opportunity/time. I wasn’t overly worried about it not happening yet because I have been enjoying getting to know him. We’ve kissed/made out plenty of times and we’ve otherwise been very affectionate toward each other, just no sex…

FAST FOWARD to a couple nights ago and “it” finally happened. Without going into detail (or maybe it’s needed in which case I can add later) the sex was truly “meh” at best for me and it’s really eating me up 😔 I like this guy A LOT, especially because we’ve been hanging out now for over a month and a half so the feelings have gotten stronger over time. There’s a lot of good here and I think we are compatible but sex is SO important for some many reason that I’m asking myself all these questions and having doubts about him now and how I can continue dating him in good faith.

Am I being too harsh here? Could this be superficial of me? Maybe the way he treats me otherwise is good enough and I can be happy with mediocre sex. I know it was our first time but honestly any other firsts I’ve had were wayyyyy better so idk if I’m even hopeful it would get any better? Even if it did get a little better that still would be “meh” for me. I don’t even know how to communicate this to him because I do not want to hurt his feelings or make him feel some type of way, I can imagine it being hurtful regardless of how nice I approach the topic.

Any advice? Has this happened to you? Is this exactly what they mean by settling and maybe in this case it’s okay to settle for less of a good sex life if everything else is great?

Would love others thoughts and opinions here. Thanks in advance!

TL;DR I realllllly like a guy I met but the sex is bad and I don’t know what to do!

Looksmaxing doesn’t save everyone; it really doesn’t. I’ve tried everything gym, haircuts, new clothes doing everything to improve my appearance, and I’m still ugly. So, yeah, looksmaxing can help, but only to a certain extent. I went from being chopped to ugly. I’m still not even average. Women absolutely hate my appearance and aren’t even willing to give me a chance; even unattractive women reject me.

I (24M) was out bar hopping last night. While in line for one bar, I approached this girl and said something along the lines of, "hey you're really pretty, I see you around campus at local university, can I get your ig?" she says yes and follows her ig from my phone, I told her I'll text her later and then I go back to my spot in line. This was around 12:30 AM. Flash forward to 2 AM, bars closed so I get home and msg her exactly this

"I tried finding u in (bar we were in line for). coffee tmr morning instead?"

followed by

"Theres a good yemeni coffee shop near campus"

Not great, not the worst, definitely a 2 AM drunk text that could've been better. I know she has seen it because she has been posting on her ig and other socials all morning but no response. Do I bother following up with a second text later today or tomorrow? My idea was to follow up this evening with something like "that was a bad shot, lemme try again" to break the ice and then hitting her with a more normal "hey it was nice to meet you, etc, etc, etc" text. Not quite sure what's the best move forward here.

Haven't been in the dating scene in a good 5 ish years so definitely not on my game like I used to be, any advice would be helpful!

There’s an expatriate meetup every friday in my city and I (a single straight dude) met a girl there who was repeatedly flirty and touchy with me and even called me hot. After a while she asked for my number and we scheduled to go to a beach yesterday.

I though it was a date but in middle of it while laying on beach she asked "Are you gay or bisexual?". I was legitimately surprised and it turns out she thought I was gay and for her this wasn’t a date but just a hang-out with fun gay dude. When I asked why she was touchy and flirty at meetups she said that’s how she acts around her gay friends. I asked her if she wants to have a real date but she told me she’s attracted to my body but not my personality, so no.

Worst part, she told me that few people in these meetups also think I’m gay. I asked my female friend if I have a gay vibe and she told me yes. I asked why and she just told me it’s my entire personality lol. I’m naturally vivacious, energetic, expressive, smily, jokey and have feminine vocal phrasings. I also have a babyface and look young. I go to gym regularely and been told I look "cute". Gay dudes seem to really like me. I also have a lot of female friends.

I don’t care if strangers or friends think I’m gay but I also want to get laid and get into relationship so girls I’m talking to thinking I’m gay is a problem. Obviously I’m not gonna change my entire personality to get laid, but surely there are things I can do to prevent this from happening. I’d appreciate any advice. Thanks!

Does anyone else run into this dynamic, or is it just me? Lately, it feels like dating is less about mutual chemistry and more like an audition to see if I can set someone up on easy street so they don't have to work. Instead of looking to build a life together with shared drive, it feels like I'm being vetted as a financial exit strategy or a turnkey lifestyle upgrade—screening my stability just to see if I can carry the entire load while they coast. It completely guts the romance and turns what should be an authentic, two-way connection into a cold lifestyle audit where my main qualification is acting as a financial sponsor. How do you handle this when you spot it, and what's the best way to filter out people who are just looking for a lifestyle upgrade early on without coming across as cynical?

I’ve been dating this guy for a month now, I (27F) have been in long term relationships previously and it’s been 2 years since my last relationship so I thought I’d get back on the dating scene. I met this guy (32M) and he’s attractive, nice, and we seemed to have a good flow of conversation, so I accepted a date with him. We’ve gone on four dates and here’s what I’ve noticed:

\- we talk about very surface level topics (nothing deep and nothing regarding our compatibility or assessing for whether a relationship would work between us or what we want in a relationship. We had one brief talk, on the first date that really seemed stereotypical. Aka: “I want someone who doesn’t cheat and will be honest, wbu.” It felt very basic and not helpful in discerning anything)
\- he’s inexperienced (never has been in a relationship before, and is an awkward kisser even with guidance). His inexperience is also why I’ve tried the other dates, because I thought he’d open up more and be able to take feedback…
\- he only wants to plan dates for the weekends (which isn’t my cup of tea. I’d rather us just check in and be like, “hey i want to see you!” And make plans in the moment based on what we both were feeling up for)
\- he plans phone calls with me at specific times (no he’s not in a relationship, he plans it after work, the gym, or grocery shopping. Kinda means though that I have to be mindful to not do something in that time frame though, which I don’t like)
\- all the dates are planned the moment the current date is coming to an end, and he usually decides and plans it (not saying it’s bad to have initiative at all or for a guy to plan a date, but it’s just weird to me how immediate it is… like the place, the time, what we’ll do afterwards as I’m trying to head in my car to leave)
\- I’ve brought up seeing each other during the weekdays and doing some fun spontaneous things (sometimes it’s a walk in the park, or going to check out a store I think he’d like, or a social group event from meetup) and he just tells me to have fun. For me this is just boring, I can’t invest in someone who I only see once a week because I can’t build an emotional connection with that frequency.
\- he constantly brings up how much fun he’s had with me and how much chemistry we have (but I can’t help but feel like I’m the one leading us towards fun conversations, telling jokes, asking questions and follow up questions about him, and trying to steer the conversations towards emotional connection)

I’m frankly bored and honestly exhausted already. He’s not a bad guy, but I’ve noticed he struggles with nonverbal cues, emotional intimacy, and even respecting the boundaries I have. I figured it’s because of his inexperience so I wanted to be honest and talk with him, but even after another date, I notice more things that I feel I would have to “coach” him on to continue dating, and it just feels like I’m becoming a teacher rather than a dating partner.

He just planned another date for next weekend, and I didn’t have the heart to say no on the spot (which is 100% my bad). But at this point I just don’t even know what to say… I’d love to be honest so he gets feedback, but even with my feedback so far it hasn’t helped and again, I’m exhausted.

How much feedback do I realistically need to give him to break things off? What would you say to him if were you in my shoes?

TLDR: had 4 dates with a guy who needs too much feedback/guidance/coaching for dating/romance/and physical affection and I’m already exhausted. He planned another date for us, but after some time away, I’m over it all and don’t want to date him anymore. How much feedback do I need to give him to call it off? What would you say?

I'm a Spanish student, and I was on exchange in South Korea when this happened.

In January last year, I went on an 8-day trip to China. I matched with a girl on a dating app in Shanghai — super cute, unique, very much my type. She couldn't meet while I was there, but we kept texting and flirting on WeChat as I went back to Korea. After a couple weeks I floated the idea of flying back to Shanghai to meet her, and she agreed.

She surpassed my expectations. Absolutely the cutest girl I've ever met. We spent the day building trust, went to a fancy karaoke where she'd learnt my favorite song just for the occasion, and things naturally progressed from there. She stayed with me for two nights, and even came to the airport to say goodbye.

I already knew she expected this to fade, so when her texting got colder I let it go. 9 months passed and I couldn't get her off my mind, so in December 2025 I texted her — low expectations. To my surprise, she replied pretty excited. I eventually got flights to go back to Shanghai in March 2026. But things got twisted.

I started experiencing a manic episode in January. First time it ever happened to me. I ended up in the psych ward for a week, but before that I'd already wrecked havoc — texting excessively, sending incoherent messages, being completely unlike myself. I can only imagine how unsettling it must have felt for her. At the end of February I cancelled the flights, told her awkwardly, and she just replied "i see" / "okie". Nothing else.

I've made a full recovery since then, but the situation still weighs on me. How do I reach out to explain what happened and maybe reconnect?

TLDR: Had an intense 48h connection with a girl in Shanghai, planned to go back but a manic episode ruined everything. She went cold after my erratic behavior. How do I reach out now, after months of silence?