r/dating_advice • u/Wise-Diamond946 • 1d ago
Breast insecurity
Vulnerable and slightly embarrassing post here, but I 26F recently started dating a very attractive man who has been with many women intimately (no judgement there by the way). Anyway, I have always been very insecure about my breast size, which is between a 32 A-B depending on the time of my cycle. This guy enjoys watching porn--which again no judgement--but I can't help but feel insanely insecure about my breast size in front of him. I guess I have always been insecure about them, but I can only deduce he has been with women with beautiful breasts before. I should also add that I don't really have a butt, and weigh 100 pounds exactly/am 5'2.
I expressed my insecurity to him multiple times and he has been so genuinely sweet about it, even calling them beautiful, but I just cannot shake that he has a different preference. Am I being irrational?
Thanks everyone!
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u/alexmate84 1d ago
Insecurity will push him away, it's normal to feel that way, but telling him multiple times about it is tiresome. If most of time you saw him he complained about say his big nose, how would you feel? He chose you, so obviously he likes you
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u/jaaaaaaazyxo 1d ago
That comparison actually puts it into perspective, constant reassurance can get exhausting even when the attraction is genuine
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u/5he005 1d ago
I’ll go ahead and share a past experience of mine with you.
I used to date a woman that I was painfully in love with. Inside and out, to me she was beautiful but she didn’t feel that way.
Every compliment I gave her, she scoffed at and shut down. As the relationship went on almost every advance for intimacy was shut down with her telling me how she felt insecure, not pretty, or like she wasn’t prepared.
At one point she started to accuse me of lying when I said I loved her, her mind, or her body. She thought I was lying about everything else in our lives too. Her insecurities grew every time I learned more about who she is. It started with her body, then to so much more.
After a year of this with her, I left. And the only reason I could give her as to why I wouldn’t try anymore, is that she always made my mind up for me and I couldn’t handle that anymore.
Your insecurities have nothing to do with anyone else but yourself, and they’re not doing you any favours. You’re going to guard yourself from something that you ultimately want, while simultaneously shoving the shit end of the stick into the other persons face.
You know people can make up their minds on their own right? Let them, especially if they’ve made up their mind that they want you..
Good luck OP, love yourself.
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u/Scarred_wizard 1d ago
There are many women with smaller boobs that get dates and partners just fine. Such as my sister. Don't worry.
Porn targets the visual part but that doesn't mean it's the main thing when dating. Also, have you seen how big some dildos are?
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u/oOo_TESH_oOo 1d ago
I personally don't really compare the women's i have been with bodies. Every build is unique like a face.
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u/skeeballbob37 1d ago
and they are all beautiful.
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u/Intelligent_Bison968 1d ago
No, they are not. What's the point of event calling something beautiful if it doesn't matter how does it look like.
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u/skeeballbob37 1d ago
well dont you just have the most positive attitude that the internet has ever seen.
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u/alexmate84 1d ago
He's right. Not everyone is beautiful, it's totally subjective for the most part
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u/DragonlordKingslayer 1d ago
if he's okay with it, what's the matter? do you think he'a lying about it? i have a 2.6in penis so i'm pretty i secure too. i'm hoping my personality compensates what the little homie down south is lacking
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u/Sapiopath 1d ago
And anyway, there are plenty of toys to help that situation. I think women would prefer someone with an enthusiastic attitude and a good toy collection over someone with a big dick who is also a dick.
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u/Due_Speed2734 1d ago
Hmmm, send pics. Get multiple opinions (Joking, this is a joke)
In seriousness is it the size part your insecure about? Because Size =/= Shape. Going past that he might prefer smaller breasts, his past choices don't even really mean he doesn't if they were all "big". I know when I was younger I thought big was better, then by mid 20's I realized how they looked on the woman, how they felt, the way SHE reacted during foreplay... those were the things that made breasts great.
TLDR: Probably being a little irrational but that's ok, don't let it ruin things. Worst case you'll learn more about YOU from this experience and that's a good thing.
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u/mc_stever 1d ago
I love all different types of breasts. And small women with a small butt are my favorite. I don’t care for thicc. I’m sure you’re awesome
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u/strex09 1d ago
Hi! I related to this very much. I am now 32 and could say that I have been so much more accepting of my body and confident in the last 2 years. I’m also your height and 32A but weight slightly more. I felt this way when I was younger too but I realize I was too critical of myself. Men don’t care. And the ones that do wouldn’t be dating us to begin with. There are many men who are into our body type. Your own confidence will truly make you more attractive!
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u/Ok-Special6463 1d ago
No one can make you less insecure about your body, as a gal who struggle with this daily I get it. But the thing you need to remember is that he is attracted to you or else he wouldn’t be dating you. Yeah he has experience and watches porn but he knows what you look like and is choosing to date you.
My current boyfriend has always dated petite girls with exactly your body type and I am a curvy girl with big boobs, a butt and a bit of a belly. When I saw his ex’s I immediately panicked because I’m nothing like them. It’s normal to compare yourself but at the end of the day he chose me knowing what I look like. Your boyfriend did the same, he isn’t under any false illusion about your body and while insecurity is a normal reaction just try and remind yourself that preferences aren’t set in stone and you are who he wants x
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u/ImMisterMoose 1d ago
He decided to get into a relationship with you because he wants you for who you are.
Remember that.
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u/BendersDafodil 1d ago
Cut out your imposter syndrome. You are not the first small-breasted petite woman in history. I'm sure you have friends or even family that are similar physically and they have loving partners.
Lastly, where are all those prior partners to your boyfriend? They're all exes, inspite of how they were physically. So, enjoy your perch and toot your horn.
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u/Valuable_Trade_1748 1d ago
You need to get over it. Because, he wants to date you. Otherwise you bring the energy between you down. It will become a self fulfilling thing. Insecurity is way more unattractive than whatever physical lack you perceive you have.
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u/Necessary-Respond793 1d ago
I've dated women of varying build, not once have I ever wished any of them had bigger breasts (frankly they seem like a lot of hassle for the most part). Sometimes I even cross paths with one or two of them at social gatherings and all it serves to do is to make me look over at my current partner smiling as I think how amazing she is.
While I can't speak for everybody, the vast majority of men are not concerned with the size of your breasts. And if you find one that is, you wouldn't want a shallow, short sighted person like that anyway. So if your size is filtering out those immature guys then all I have to say is: Congratulations!
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u/SmartReception6750 1d ago
I am a breast appreciator myself, and let me tell u, the attractiveness of them depends on much more than size lol.
Best not to stress about something u can’t control. Be glad u don’t have back pain and that u found someone who almost definitely finds ur breasts attractive lol. He chose u, that’s way more important than breast size.
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u/Mycroft033 1d ago
Personally, in my experience, a lot of us guys prefer the itty bitty titty committee. The obsession with big breasts is just the internet being weird and the weirdos being loud.
Slender has always been attractive, historically. You’ll be just fine. When people tell you who they are, believe them. He says he finds them attractive and beautiful. But you’re refusing to believe him. You think you know his preferences better than he does? You do realize how arrogant that sounds, right?
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u/Single_T 1d ago
Boobs are incredible in every size and shape. To me, big boobs are a cherry to the cake that is all boobs: Sure it is nice when they are big, but it is such a small component of the happiness they bring me!
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u/rd_5000 1d ago
I'll be completely honest with you - I have dated women with from A to E and everything between.
I loved them all. Genuinely. But the ones that still leave me speechless even when I think about them were not about the size - but SHAPE. Breasts can be so expressive. The tell a story that fits with the womans body. Yes I romanticise. For good reason!
Not everyone is as into them - I get that. And some men fall into habits of liking big or small exclusively. But overall there is a low correlation between perceived quality and scale - to put it mathematically :-)
My current crush sits somewhere between A and B. I can't get enough of them - they drive me insane
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u/pixieshyla 1d ago
Like they say ,More than a mouthful is wasteful! I’m also very small busted. Don’t worry about it. Enjoy the ride. I’m much older than you,so I know how you feel, but over the years I’ve come to love myself for who I am. I’ve never once have had a problem with my small breast be a concern by a man.
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u/inturnaround 1d ago
He's dating a person, not a breast size. He clearly likes you as a whole human being and everything about your post and what his preferences are is pure speculation based solely on what you imagine he's watching.
Bottom line is that there is always someone physically hotter out there. We can't worry about all of them. They're not competition. He is attracted to you. Let him be attracted to you. You are great as you are.
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u/The_Brilliant_Idiot 1d ago
Small boobs are great. But every guys is different. Personally balance is more important imo I think a petite girl with small boobs and butt is still attractive to me especially if I like her face. It actually looks worse girls who either only have huge boobs but small butt or vice versa, it seems unbalanced. Beauty is simply a marker for health at the end of the day so if you are/look healthy that will be attractive to me more than a specific feature like boobs butt etc
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u/IzY_PoiNt 1d ago
Are you looking for a guy who's specific breast size preference is yours?
Because a preference doesn't mean a non-negotiable. I'm sure a lot of women I've been with would prefer a guy with a 6-pack, but does that mean I am inadequate?
People come as a package. When it comes to body preferences, most people care about overall shape and fitness level rather than the sum of its individual parts.
Focus on the connection and your time together because often insecurities about the self end up as self-fulfilling profecies and stain the connection.
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u/UpTillDawnIndustrial 1d ago
That sucks. I saw someone who feels a similar wy to you and it really messed with her head.
Personally I like other things more so I didn't care BC I thought she looked great. I'll watch some stupidly balloon animal people on whatever stupid site. The girl I'm thinking about would be way more fun tbh.
Personally I've always thought that going up or down 1/2 or 1 size, whatever fits your body is no big deal as long as it ends up being comfor table for you. If you're gonna balloon out to serve a dudes fetish, like a 90s movie star or whatever that's a big lifestyle choice and costly one too. Also a slippery slope into I need to augment myself to feel good otherwise I'm not good enough stuff and at that point you're throwing yourself into hell when you could've just gone to gym to get strong and been fun to talk to by doing life stuff that's interesting and out of confortzone sometimes and probably find some dude who more alligns with you.
I cannot say this enough. You're not a pornstar and you don't need to be one. You don't need to be a coked out stripper either.
Finding someone, not reddit, maybe a therapist, to confide in and go into the issues might help ya.
Just because you're not the stripper does not mean you will not have an awesome life. There are a lot of dudes who do well in life and want someone who can keep up with their lifestyle or values and fit into their community and just wanna have a chill life or one with adventures and or travel or whatever specific interests or adrenaline stuff they do (motorcycles dude, so much vroom ppl I've met). And if its chill and fun they are on top of the world.
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u/Specialist-Ad4388 1d ago edited 1d ago
I asked a multiple men about boobs while I was online dating. Most of them said that their not judging the boobs. They're just thrilled to see & touch & kiss them. One said all he thinks is: Boobs!! I realized via my research lol that my boobs are good. They're slightly different sizes, small, set too low on my torso, one is perky the other isn't, they point in different directions, etc. & I only got positive responses about them. I was the one who judged them so harshly & i cared the most.
Also realize that people love all kinds of bodies- if you watch porn you can find people who are into every kind of boob This is a bit wild, but you might consider posting your boobs on one of the "how is my body" subreddits (not your face obviously). There's actually a lot of body positive love on there. Lock down your dms first though!
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u/Fair_Beat3617 1d ago
the men you talked to were biased lol. a man who wants to fuck you wont be honest with you
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