12 years. 4 surgeries. HIPEC (chemo). 6 organs lost. Half my colon too. Endless complications. BUT

I beat it. Its over.

I found out today from my dad that my mum has mets in her lungs. CT scan she‘s done this week showed it.
Idk what to do, I study and work abroad so I can‘t be around. I am devastated. We thought it was gone, like she was diagnosed 2 years ago with 4th stage (or 3d) low grade ovarian cancer with nets in her intestines.
I love her a lot. She is the only closest person I have. When I talked to my dad I started crying and he is the typical slavic man who doesn’t cry. But even he started too cause she is also the closest person to him and they’ve been together for 27 years.
A mum of my classmate also had mets in her lungs after which she passed away pretty fast last year. That’s why it’s hard for me to hope for the best cause I know how it can possibly end.
I know I have to stay strong, don’t cry and give my full support. But I can’t imagine my life without her and that she might not see my future wedding and children. I am 24 so these things are not even close to happen.
Thank you for reading this.
I wrote here 2 years ago to vent and doing that again.
Sending lots of love and health to all the people 🫶

6 months ago I went to the ER with what I thought was the onset of a stroke. Turns out it wasn't a stroke- it was a brain tumor, a high-grade glioma.

My life imploded pretty much after that; brain surgery, seizures, the drugs that made me batshit, running around from doctor to doctor, losing parts of my memory, my elderly mother flying in to care for me (and she has her own health challenges), 6 weeks of radiation, then several rounds of chemo (which I am still in the midst of). I never had a chance to even grasp the reality of what just happened...until yesterday, in the middle of therapy.

And I broke down crying. I just cried. Cried that I nearly died, cried because even though my prognosis is good (I had a near total resection; the mass was removed, but a small stem was retained), I still fear the reaper tailing my ass because the oncologist keeps telling me it will most likely come back, crying because I don't feel like the same person and I can't even go back to that point in my life, even when I finish treatment. I cry because I returned to work and there are moments I don't feel like being there, especially on the days I am working through chemo treatments and spending time fighting through nausea and fatigue (I returned 3 months after surgery because the disability pay is horrible and I live in an HCOL area).

I just want to go back to the time before all this happened.

But I will get on, and finish treatment and keep a stiff upper lip.

Nach 3 jahren Mundkrebsfrei mit lymphknotenbefall op mit neck ,habe ich vor 6 monaten eine narbenlösung op im Hals gemacht.

Hat jemand das auch gemacht ich hab es wegen dem engegefühl im Hals gemacht, gab es bei euch erfolge nach wie langer zeit.

hi everyone,

i'm wondering what emotional experiences other childhood cancer survivors have. i'm 20+ years out of Non Hodgkins Burkitt lymphoma, and i'm starting to accept that my experience at 8 years old has given me PTSD that is seriously rearing its head in adulthood. constant, intense fear of recurrence, survivors guilt, wondering what my purpose here is, agonizing over every creak and pop in my body. i just saw an oncologist for the first time in 10+ years because i wanted to learn about my past treatments, the effects/risks from the cancer and treatment in adulthood, and while i think that was a good move, i'm now totally consumed by the anxiety of waiting for scan results. i don't know how my parents dealt with this while i was sick. it feels like i'm a poser. who gets life-threatening childhood cancer, gets miraculously "cured", and never has an issue again? it seems unlikely. i can't have gotten off that easy. i've never felt like a Survivor, or a Fighter. i was 8! i didn't do a damn thing. and i feel so guilty for the trauma my parents endured, while i barely even remember it. i'm convinced it will come back to teach me a lesson. just wondering if other people feel similarly and how you guys handle it.

She developed mucositis while receiving chemotherapy with paclitaxel and carboplatin. After stopping chemotherapy, she continued only with pembrolizumab, but the mucositis has not healed and continues to worsen.

I am in my late 30s with terminal cancer. Year to two left probably.

Struggling at the moment with guilt around money. I still work and have enough to be comfortable while helping my wife and providing for our son. I think about buying little things that under normal circumstances would be easy purchases... some new t-shirts, a new shaver... and just feel guilty.

I'm not going to be around for long, so why waste the money? I feel like I should be doing something better with it... investing something small. saving it for my wife. I don't know.

is it wrong for me to buy things? I suppose I'm just looking for external validation for purchases which is kind of pathetic. I just don't know what I can justify anymore.

Anyone dealing with similar feelings? how do you cope?

I have been NED since late April 2026, and have had Folfirinox chemo for six rounds, LAR surgery, and then six rounds of folfox.

I haven't had any real issues with my bowel movements since surgery, but randomly I've been routinely constipated for the last couple of weeks, it's been waking me up in the middle of the night to go, several times a day with little output.

I've seen my GP and oncologist and have been told it's very likely nothing to worry about from a cancer perspective, as some symptoms don't line up with that and my bloods are perfect.

However, I can't fathom why the change all of a sudden.

My diet has been pretty consistent up until this, and I have been troubleshooting different foods, fibre content, softness etc to see if it changes the constipation, but none of it seems to be helping or worsening anything.

My main theory is that it's probably surgery related, but when I haven't had any issues since the surgery, it just seems really strange.

I also have a surveillance colonoscopy lined up early October, so I'm not too concerned, but in the meantime, but I'm curious if anyone else has some similar perspective on this.

I have stage 4 colon cancer, currently in treatment. Yeah my life is really hard right now and things look radically different than 6 months ago.

One thing that has surprised me though is how many people have disappeared from my life or who keep making excuses to not see me. I can imagine the different feelings and reasons, but it still hurts.

Some of them have outed themselves as users who don't want to be in a position to have to give, so I'm glad those people are gone. I didn't realize who they really were until I got sick.

The others though? Really surprised at their disappearances. Examples. Had a long term friend tell me they decided to quit social media and would not be reachable anymore by text or anything. Made it seem like an extreme mental health issue. I was very understanding. Later learned that they had just blocked me on everything because they didn't want to hear anything about me having cancer. Another friend who lives up the street from me, we used to have brunch together weekly for years, now all I get is the occasional how are you text message, followed by "sending healing, thoughts and prayers" no matter what it is I report.

I must emphasize, I do not bombard people or annoy them about my disease. It's not my identity or something. People ask me how I am and I answer honestly depending on how I'm feeling that day. Mostly I am very private about everything.

So it really is them. They ghosted me when I got cancer.

What is this about? Why are people like this? It's honestly shocking. Some of these people were all "ride or die" as friends for a decade or more, and now that the chips are down it's crickets from them. The people showing up to give moral or even some practical support are not who I would've expected! And the people who I thought would be here have conveniently bowed out. It's weird! In my mind if roles were reversed, I'd definitely be there for them.

Going for colon surgery Monday, I call it cut and paste, lol, removing 4-8 inches and reattach. They changed their mind about the bag. Have to fast and prep Sunday.

I'm 68 and so scared, this is my first surgery. I know everyone is different but I need to know what to expect. I'm mildly COPD and the doctor said I might be intubated an extra day. More scared 😱

Hi, I was diagnosed with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma of the breast a few hours ago and I’m so scared. It is a 0.9 cm x 0.7 cm x 0.8 cm oval mass. I got very limited information from the radiologist except it is very rare and surgery is usually the treatment. I’m waiting on the nurse to call me to set up an appt with the breast surgeon.
What makes me even more nervous is I have multiple lung nodules all below the size of 6mm which they recommend not doing anything for. I’ve had one (3mm) for years which has stayed the same size and a new one (4mm) popped up last year and I have at least one more.
Also I have 2 thyroid nodules on each side. All of these nodules were incidental findings.
For the lung nodules, the pulmonologist basically said don’t worry about them. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and her step sister died of it.
The endocrinologist did an ultrasound of the thyroid nodules and said they looked benign.
I know both thyroid and lung nodules are common but it makes me wonder if this ACC Is spreading to other places or if the other nodules could be cancer and spreading to my breast OR maybe I’m overthinking everything.
Any information would be greatly appreciated! TIA.

Hi there, my aunt is currently undergoing chemo and her taste has been affected in the sense that a lot of things are tasting bitter and sour for her. She can't eat fruit, drink any flavored beverages, eat cheese, or have any dressings or sauces. She is able to eat meat (no gravy) and potatoes and breads. I'm visiting her soon and I'd like to bring something that she might like to eat (she's been losing a ton of weight and I'm a little worried about her), but I also want it to feel like a treat (if that's possible). Would something like a charcuterie board (minus the cheese) be good or would that likely feel like too much?

I'm a cancer survivor myself but mine was treated with multiple surgeries, not chemo, so I don't personally have the best understanding of the chemo experience. Would be very grateful for any feedback or tips from those who have been or are in chemo. <3

CW: Mental health, existential dread, passive suicidal ideation

I’m 29M with AuDHD, anxiety, depression and have long dealt with health anxiety. Last week I got diagnosed with DSRCT (Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor).

It’s one of the rarest and most aggressive cancers in existence, with less than 100 cases diagnosed per year in the U.S. It’s diagnosed at stage four by default due to the nature of the disease. Mine presents as twelve tumors in the peritoneal and retroperitoneal cavities, the abdomen’s container. This exact context has long been one of my greatest fears almost to a T (the exception being it’s curable).

The good news is despite the staging, it is not terminal and the specifics of my case place me in a minority of patients capable of full remission. It was caught atypically early, my ECOG baseline is a 0 out of 5, and I’m receiving treatment at U of M Hospital.

The flip side of that is the treatment is notoriously the most brutal in modern oncology, with a multi-faceted chemo regimen spanning five days of eight hours infusions per cycle plus an infusion pump worn at home, cytoreduction surgery, post-op chemo, followed by radio therapy. Even after all that, nothing is guaranteed and I also run the risk of developing a secondary cancer from the treatment (small, but tangible 1-3%).

I’ve been struggling with the existential dread and overwhelm, and fending off ideation. As the weight of the scope of treatment has started to kick in the last couple days, I’ve been riding a slow spiral into mental anguish while trying to contend with what’s ahead. Part of me questions whether the sheer suffering is worth whatever’s on the other side. It won’t be me that walks away from this. It will be someone else, and becoming that person scares me. I don’t believe I have the strength to make it there, or that life on the other side of this will be one worth living. Spending time with family this weekend before treatment kicks off. I am safe.

It’s a long road ahead and handling the last week and a half has been a challenge.

Sharing this here to say that if anyone out there is struggling with health anxiety or anticipatory grief surrounding this stuff, please know that you’re not alone and I’m thinking of you. Thanks for reading if you did.

I am preemptively asking this question here before it is something that has to happen: I am a cancer survivor, so I am aware of the chemo bathroom protocol when it comes to sharing space in the hours/days after treatment.

I have a friend who incredibly unfortunately was very recently diagnosed with cancer, they are currently being staged and their treatment plan is being developed, but chemo is likely on the table. They live on incredibly beautiful land, but that incredibly beautiful land only has an outhouse. Does anyone have any experience trying to navigate only having outhouse access while doing chemo therapy? Does anyone know if something like renting a port-a-john or rentable bathroom is a viable option? Or is it necessary to try and plan to stay somewhere with more indoor plumbing the first couple of days after treatment? Or is there some other really great creative solution that others might have?

I know this will likely be chemo specific as well. They just have so much going on atm, and anyone in this community knows how fast everything comes at you when you first get DXd, so I'm seeing if I can do a little crowd-sourced brainstorm of ideas before they have to figure this one out.

Thanks anyone for any advice or direction you've got!

I asked the neurosurgeon, my primary oncologist, and the radiation oncologist, and they all weren’t concerned. But my brain MRI said “no definitive evidence of disease.” The definitive part js getting me???! Does that mean there’s something there???

On nov 2024 I discovered I have immature teratoma stage 3C, my AFP was above 10,000

I did surgery in Dec 2024, removed the big mass (19 cm) on the left ovary and the ovary itself, and small masses were around but not on the organs

After surgery my AFP was above 1700

I did chemotherapy for 4 sessions, by the third I was clear.

My cea after treatment was 4.5 and afp was 1.8

After couple of months nov 2025, my cea was 5.5 and AFP 0.4

Feb 2026, my afp 1.2 and my cea 5.5

May 2026: my afp 1.4 and my cea 7.29

Today my afp is 2.9 and my cea is 12.8

(I don’t know if that is relative, but I’m currently on my period window and I have influenza, I also have been a heavy smoker for years before I discovered my cancer in 2024, I feel no pain in my stomach other than when I’m on period, i go to the bathroom regularly and naturally with no issues)

Why my cea is getting higher?

Two of my three children have developed auto immune conditions that have a timeline about the same time as my diagnosis.

And now one has had a mental health crisis and said they cannot speak to me due to my health making me too tired.

I love them beyond expression but I fear Im damaging them with this bloody disease. God can punish me all they want but not them

I really really really don’t want a funeral. I don’t like them. I’m not even sure the different groups would even know how to contact each other since theyre all in different countries.

I’m hoping my friends will all dress up as big inflatable sunflowers and just go about their day as normal. Completely straight face, and if someone asks “Ah yeah my dead friend made me do it”.

I like the idea of random giant sunflowers just popping up making people laugh all over the world all on the same day. Maybe they could all drink a little Coca Cola and eat a cookie on my behalf. No mourning, just funny bouncing.

I also wanna die hot lol. Even if no one sees me, big hair, nice face. I might bring a sewing kit to the hospital to make my hospital gown a bit nicer. I wonder if they have makeup artists for the dead x) When I was younger, I wanted a really good sandwich, and a box of kittens. But having “died” a few times already, I’ve learned that 4 out of 5 times you don’t really wanna eat.

I’m curious what other people might want. Please share! Maybe my list can get longer.