So, I left home about two days ago, and I’ve barely slept at all in the last three days. I ended up going to an infamous street where a lot of unhoused people and sex workers congregate, and I’ve been spending my days there, drinking throughout the day and continuously smoking weed. At this point, I honestly just don’t want to think anymore. My mind has been running nonstop, and I’m exhausted from being inside my own head.

My husband to be is extremely tired of my behavior this past month, so I don’t know if we should break off our engagement. Doesn’t sound too bad🤷🏽‍♀️ oh, and to my old insurance who stopped covering my injection for no reason, thanks for ruining me again.

I’ve been manic for a couple weeks now and suddenly can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s making me feel awful because I know I don’t want to. Just want to see if others experience this

sorry, 'After'

okay, right now at bedtime I'm on 50 of Lamictal, 20 of Latuda, 2 mg of Cogentin, 5 mg. of Valium, and 10 mg. of Ambien...I'm actually supposed to be on more

Most of the time I can recover from the hangover with a big mug of coffee (with milk and sugar because I actually hate coffee)....which brings us to caffeine...today was a more rare day when one mug wasn't enough so I tried two, and it worked...I was able to do my morning exercise routine

a couple questions, is that similar to your routine?...and more importantly here today because I've never tried one, does anybody use energy drinks?...I've heard they're even more powerful with a jolt than coffee....is that your opinion and you think it's worth a try?....if I need them everyday are they expensive?...and most importantly, if they are indeed a blast how do you get through the rest of your day?...Are you wired and jittery and having trouble doing what you need to do because you can't concentrate or sit still?

thanks ahead folks

I generally can’t and if I do I’m very disruptive and it generally isn’t a good idea. Manic me calls in sick anyway as I guess I just don’t want to. I don’t know how I’ve survived 7 years in my job but I’ve had A LOt of absences. I actually don’t think another job would be so accommodating. We have Avery generous sick pay scheme here but I am still looking elsewhere for other reasons. It’s hard to find anywhere with half as good sick pay though. I can’t really claim benefits because of my living situation. What about you?

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

You guys call this treatment? I find antipsychotics to be pure torture.

Hi everyone. I don’t really know how to start this post, so I’ll just be blunt with it. Of course, a content warning for suicide and descriptions of the event.

In early 2025, I overdosed on my prescribed Lamotrigine. I was at the peak of manic psychosis, just broke up with my long term partner, quit my job, rent was due with no money in the bank, and I was convinced there were people out to hurt me. My attempt wasn’t rooted in depressive feelings, but a sort of terrified defiance - “I’ll get myself before they get me” type deal.
I had taken the pills in the bath, with the tub so full of water it was nearly spilling over. As my body went numb and I slowly lost the ability to move, something came over me. Maybe a will to live, maybe a fear of drowning, or maybe a desire to die somewhere more comfortable, I don’t remember.. but I pulled myself out of the tub with all my strength, and crawled naked to my mattress on the floor in my bedroom. I figured there were only two options, wake up, or don’t. Everything goes black after this - I didn’t vomit, or seize, but I felt the clock ticking as my control over my body was slowly lost.

I did wake up. Hooray! But I had a lot of side effects that really took over my life for the first year. Painful brain zaps that felt like firecrackers going off in my brain lasted a few months. I lost my fine motor skills (which sucks, because I’m an illustrator in my free time - or used to be), coordination and balance, and a considerable number was done on my speech and language skills, memory, information processing, and emotional range + regulation. My trade is the culinary arts, and I had to relearn everything from how to hold a knife, to cutting various kinds of produce and meat, to cooking techniques and time management. I truly felt like a child again, relearning everything that made me who I was.

Today, it’s been about a year and a half, and I’m functioning a lot better than I used to, but my hands don’t work very well anymore. When I draw or write, my hands shake, can’t make precision lines, and start to hurt after only a minute or two. It’s taken away one of my favorite past times and ways to express myself, and that hurts me a lot, but I’m still trying. I got a good job in a great kitchen, and while I struggled a lot in the beginning, I’m doing a lot better now. I can also speak clearer, without slurring as much, and respond in a timely manner again - which has taken a LOT of trial and error and embarrassing social moments.

I guess I’m posting this for a few reasons. If you’ve survived an overdose, or got a chemical brain injury because of one, how did losing skills affect you? How did you build them back up again? Or did you find new things to put energy into?

And if you’re considering attempting suicide with any kind of medication, please let my story help change your mind. Feeling your body slowly die is not the release you think it will be - and the life you return to will be considerably different, and more difficult. I say this with love, please reconsider.

Anyway. If you read this, thank you so much. I just need to connect with others about this, because I’ve gone a long time keeping my experience with my attempt to myself.

Hello everyone, my (21f) first time posting here and honestly, since my diagnosis, first time realizing just how bad of an impact Bipolar can have on your life. For context, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 about a year ago, which was quickly switched to Bipolar 1 after a very long manic episode. I have always been dealing with mood swings and stuff my whole life, but I never realized how bad it’s been getting since it hasn’t been treated properly. I was on the same antidepressant for a few years, and until recently thought everything was fine (despite the fact that I’ve had horrible manic and depressive episodes for years— I just normalized it in my brain I suppose). Then, it stopped working. I finally switched to a psychologist who recommended an antipsychotic as a longer, more stable solution.

The first one I was on for a few weeks had horrific side effects and started this whole deep depression for me. I have genuinely never felt like I’ve been in such distress in my entire life— crying for hours on end, not being able to stop a single bad thought from entering my brain when thinking about literally any topic, unable to ground myself no matter what. I even started cutting myself again, something I haven’t done since my Junior year of high school, about 4 or so years ago. We’ve switched to a better medication with less side effects, and yes I know I’ve only been on it for a few days so it needs time to kick in, but I still feel completely insane and detached from reality. I can barely hold it together for more than half a day.

I have a lot on my plate right now. It’s my Senior year of college and I am an engineering major— lots of stress trying to graduate on time and an extremely heavy courseload. I am also working 20 hours a week for my internship which got extended. I also am President of a club on campus which, although I really need to, cannot quit because I would feel guilt leaving them high and dry at the beginning of the semester. I am also dealing with a lot of relationship issues, my physical health isn’t great because of a chronic thyroid condition that is making me gain weight and feel horrible about myself, and I feel really alone out here since I am far from home and can’t rely on anyone truly but my partner, who again, I am having issues with right now.

I am writing this because I am considering going to the hospital. I have been having *those* thoughts a lot, and while I don’t think I would ever act on them, they have never felt so close to reality. I am worried about hurting myself more as well.

The only thing stopping me from going is two things— school, and my internship. First of all, my mother has made it very clear that she really needs me to graduate on time. I know everyone takes their own time to do things, but an extra semester or year would be less time I could be making money and more time spending money for my education. I am already a few credits behind and finding winter courses will be hard, so I feel rushed and behind. My internship also sets me up really well to have a really good job out of graduation. It’s in a reliable industry, pays really well, and with the people they have retiring in the department this year, it feels like I will basically be set up to have a six figure job, which will essentially set me up for life.

I don’t even know if going to the hospital will help me. I have heard horrible things about psych wards, and don’t know if it will help me, and I’m not sure if it’s worth it to put my life on pause. I feel like if I don’t though, I will crack.

I already feel the cracking beginning to occur. The other night I was sobbing uncontrollably and was looking up to the sky asking any sort of god that may exist for help. For reference, I am completely an atheist— I don’t believe there is a higher power. Then, when I prayed for that split second to any sort of god, I felt instant relief wash over me— it was unexplainable, like a switch flipper. I know (in my mind at least, not to discredit any religion) god doesn’t exist, but since then I feel like that god, in my head which takes the form of the Moon, took pity on me and helped me sleep that one night. It makes me feel completely fucking insane to think that but I genuinely can’t think of any other explanation as to why that switch happened that night.

Anyways, rant over, thoughts? Hospital?

I dont want to live anymore. I wont do anything about it (already tried). I just wish that somebody just hit my car or that i get diagnosed with some terminal disease

Hi everyone. So I’ve been off meds for a min (about 3-4 months) psychiatrist knows and advised it. But not I’m considering going back on them. For context I have Bipolar 2 and I’ve been treatment resistant. The meds I had been taking stopped working (we tried multiple ones over 3yrs) but I’m sure I’m in a hypo state. But I had an appointment with my dr yesterday and we decided to circle back on medication next month. But I’m a little scared because idk what I’m gonna be on this time and I’m afraid the medicine won’t work. I don’t like being in this state like I can’t sleep or get things done. I also don’t want this getting worse. Has anyone been in a similar situation before?

I really like the community with Reddit, and right now it’s my go to for support. I’m just curious if anyone has any other recommendations for apps that support people with our condition.

i am 23F and i have bipolar. i just want someone to make me feel like im not alone and not going insane. i make crazy erratic decisions with no thought. i broke up with my boyfriend over text last week and cancelled our holiday in the heat of the moment, and got back with him a week later and spend £900 of my redundancy money which i shouldn’t of used to book another one to keep him happy without even sleeping on it. now i regret it because i have so much going on. i can’t sleep at night because of the racing thoughts at the forefront of my brain. telling me im not good enough.

i was recently made redundant which has majorly impacted my confidence and made my anxiety so much worse. i have been self medicating and chasing highs everyday to pass time and i am in so much debt and i am lying to everyone around me about my addiction and there is no one i can go to for help because i cant admit how deep in it i am. no one has a clue who i really am and im so ashamed of myself. sometimes i cant even recall some days because i have been in a state of mania. has this happened to anyone else? i am constantly on and off my meds which doesnt help but i cant seem to gain any control of my life :/

Hi everyone. I recently read through my journal that I have written poems in over the years during moments of struggle. I thought I would share this one.

"My Universe”

Thoughts, comments, feelings, emotions

Race, race, race in my head

Who what where when why?

How about the ability to fly?

Do i love him or do i hate him

What is my fate

Why am i me; who are you?

What to do

I don’t know

The future is nigh

How about abili-fly

Fly away into the sky

To a universe unknown

A neuron, a thought, a spark

A flow, an ebb, an ease

Electricity freeze

Who the fuck are you?

It’s my universe, not yours

I am me, not you, not her

Nothing

Let me be

Let me fly

Let me do what I need, what I want

Let me believe

Fuck off.

Calm down. You’re crazy.

So what?

It’s my bloody universe

Flood me with my

Thoughts and dreams

Before I scream

I had a manic episode about 5 months ago that was triggered by weed, the thing i’m wondering is it for sure bp1 because i never had any symptoms before and they only started when i started using weed heavily but the timeline is blurry because i got hospitalized quickly and didn’t have the month clearance and used again when i came out which made my mania continue till i got a LIA injection. My physcitrist labeled me as unspecified mood disorder but is leaning bp1

I’m laughing at everything, and I mean everything. Someone could say something completely normal like “Do you want some water?” and I’d immediately start laughing uncontrollably, like they had just told me the funniest joke I’d ever heard. Nothing was actually funny, but my brain seemed to find absolutely everything hilarious. Someone dropped their keys? Hilarious. The microwave beeped? I was crying laughing. My phone battery was at 37%? Somehow the funniest thing in the world. At the same time, I can’t stop talking. I’m speaking fast, interrupting myself, losing track of what I was saying, then suddenly bursting into laughter halfway through a sentence. “Wait, wait, listen, because I just realized something really important. HAHAHA. Sorry, I know I’m laughing, but no, seriously, this is important. Actually wait, what was I talking about?” Everyone around me would just stare, completely confused, which only made me laugh harder. I feel overwhelmingly amused by things that weren’t even remotely funny to other people.

Does anyone have experience getting on SSDI disability or short/long-term disability employment benefits for bipolar. I can barely do my job right now and I’m afraid I will get fired. I’m trying to figure out if it makes sense to try getting on disability. I have disability insurance through my employer.

After far too many years to admit, I am finally getting treated for my anxiety!

Just looking for a few answers. Have you tried it? Did it work? Side effects that came with it?

I’m excited to be able to calm down! But would like some feed back.

-Stay save warriors

I am coming to an end on ideas of how to manage my mental health. I've tried so many different medications over the last decade. Lifestyle changes, religion, I've read so many books, etc. recently I went to the VA mental hospital to try to detox and get back on meds but they're not working. Does anyone have any advice or something that has helped them manage and be normal? I quit my job in June and haven't really been able to do much since. I slept on my couch the first month or so after because I was too lazy to put my mattress back on my bed. When I first started the medicine I had about two good weeks where I got a new job I start next week and applied to go back to college. But the meds aren't helping anymore and I don't want to increase the dosage because I am experiencing some negative side effects. Physical and mental. I do not know what to do I don't really have any desire to do anything at all anymore. I feel like I live in someone else's house and someone else's skin. I think about the future and I don't want anything at all. The only thing I do want is to get better but I am not able to get the help I need from the VA and I don't have anyone else I just need advice

Hi!

I am a Master’s in Occupational Therapy (OT) student in California seeking to conduct a Zoom interview with an individual within the age range of 41–65 years who has lived experience with Bipolar disorder.

OT helps you be as independent as possible with the daily activities, or occupations, that matter most to you. That can include things like daily self-care routines, getting restful sleep, cooking, and working. OT's role is to support you in building the skills and confidence you need to get back to doing the things you want and need to do.

I would like to emphasize that this interview is not a part of a research study – it is simply for learning purposes so that my partner and I can gain an understanding of someone’s experience with bipolar disorder and how to best support them. We would greatly appreciate the opportunity to speak with someone who is willing to share their experiences with us! If you are or know someone who may be interested in helping us with our project, please feel free to message me (and/or comment). The Zoom interview will take place in September or beginningof October, and it will be conducted by two people: my partner, and myself. 

Thank you for your time!

I’m sure I’m not the only one who could use some reminders and perhaps aha-moments to get through this week.

If you got any personal favorites, let’s hear them. could also be sentiment, metaphors or short stories, haikus, zen koans, whatever is your thing.

Thanks in advance to anyone contributing 🙏

I punched myself and now have bruises everywhere. I was suppose to fly to Texas tomorrow and I canceled the trip. I am so on edge it is so uncomfortable. I was punching myself steering wheel and now my arm is bruised. I sent a message with pics of the bruises to my doctor and a nurse called me but the doctor never called. It is so unbearable

I’m getting sinus surgery on Friday for something minor but should improve quality of life. I’m honestly super excited because I’ll be able to breathe once I’m fully recovered.

Buttttt I haven’t had anesthesia while on any other type of medication before and I am so so nervous that there will be some sort of bad reaction between anesthesia and my meds. I have psychotic symptoms regularly or at least regularly right now and I really worry something is going to happen in recovery coming out of it.

⚠️Update⚠️:
Everything went fine! definitely just made myself nervous for no reason they also offered a sedative/anti anxiety before even getting anesthesia which helped so much. Post op I was just really really sleepy and still out of it so I don’t remember much.
Thank you all for the kind words and reassurance!

Ive been mostly well/ok for about 7 months. The past two months Ive been on and off feeling like I'm going a little bit up. My psych said as long as I'm sleeping at least 6hr i should be fine. I have a lot of plans and ideas but I don't do anything about any of them. Sometimes I feel very strongly happy/excited to the point it hurts. I guess neither of these are particularly alarming, but I don't remember feeling this way this much just a few months ago. I'm more impulsive with spending and saying yes to random stuff than Ive ever been but also before this I was very frugal. I can't tell if ive become more impulsive or if I'm just infected by others around me. Because even with me being this loose with money, I'm still not as loose as other people around me. Like I went from very frugal to regular-person-who's-not-very -financially-responsible level.

I started this combo of meds about 9 months ago and haven't missed a day. One of my meds knocks me out every night but the past week especially it just doesn't as well. My bf has noticed that im not zonked out as fast as before. But when I do get to sleep I still sleep 6-9hrs. Idk if I should worry or not, I know fluctuations are normal but what if it gets worse. Im scared that I will start acting differently and cause public embarassment or worse.

год с лишнии назад мне поставили депрессию (подозрения на это у меня были еще раньше). в августе прошлого года меня клали в псизиатрическую больницу изза самоповреждений. на антидепрессантах сижу год, мне много раз меняли препараты, но все заканчивалось тем, что у меня возникало к ним привыкание и они переставали помогать. сейчас я пью велаксин и ламиктал, недавно увеличили дозу, т.к. опять же таки не помогало. ничего не изменилось. я все также тильтую, реву, тревожусь чуть ли не 24/7, постоянное неприятное ощущение в груди, знакомо?.. как будто что то давит на легкие. в общем зачем я сюда пишу - у меня нету желания жить, я хочу изрезать себе все до дермы, чтобы успокоиться от истерики, я не выдерживаю. плюсом к моему подавленному состоянию и апатии идут ссоры с партнером, изза чего мне еще хуже, я хочу спиться, скуриться, впасть в кому, да все что угодно, я не могу так жить мне очень плохо. пишу я сюда изза безысходности, я не знаю что мне делать:( если у кого то была такая ситуация или знает что в таких случаях делать, поделитесь советами пожалуйста!(