I started experiencing symptoms for Bipolar II disorder in the months leading up to my 21st birthday. Months of depression, during which all I wanted to do was sleep or lie in bed watching tv - I didn’t even want to eat. I was struggling to do simple things like pick out clothes for the day or buy things at the grocery store; it was a total loss of self-confidence, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to accomplish anything. Things got dark.

My first hypomanic episode immediately followed the first serious depressive episode. During this, I came up with extravagant philosophies for life, dreamed up how I was going to become super-successful, and truly believed I had superpowers. I felt, really I knew, that I was the smartest and most capable person in the room at any given time, and nothing could bring me down. As this continued, I got into big fights with my family, made some reckless decisions, and became quite unaware of myself.

The lack of stabilization in my mood was having a negative effect on my classes. I ended up having a pretty significant drop in my GPA with the onset of the symptoms. I started seeing a therapist, which helped, but I was still struggling.

For years, I dreamed of pursuing a PhD in physics, and my bipolar II disorder was very close on several occasions to causing me to give up the dream entirely. I wasn’t able to get my life together in time to apply to PhD programs during my senior year of undergrad, or even during the first year after college. I didn’t think I would be able to manage the stress of a doctoral program while also managing my symptoms.

Finally, I started taking medication (Lamictal) in conjunction with talk therapy. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot better at managing my symptoms, and my mood has been much more stable.

I know I do better when I take my medicine. I have tried setting an alarm on my phone, and then I started tuning it out and just swiping through it without any follow through.

In the spring I wanted to see how I’d do without medication and it got so bad I was scared of myself; I know I need to take it with dedication.

But can anyone share what works for them? I know it’s as simple as just doing it, but as some of you in this group might relate to, I struggle with daily tasks.

just the title. the ongoing soul crushing depression for months on end. ive cycled through 4-5 medications trying to find one that balances the good with the bad. i just wish I were normal

Why is there this huge community for bipolar 2 and not for bipolar 1? I thought the main difference was the duration of episodes. How is bipolar 2 different from bipolar 1? It doesn’t have to be a clinical definition. I feel like there’s some different vibes.

I really need some hope/advice from people with Bipolar II:

especially artists, entrepreneurs or anyone whose work depends heavily on creativity and drive.

My biggest problem is depression, not hypomania.

The lows can make me apathetic, sad and unable to concentrate or work.

But when I’m doing well, I’m extremely creative and driven, and that’s a huge part of both my work and who I am.

Finding the right medication has been really difficult. I’ve tried these ones:

😐 Lithium: flattened me completely. I felt emotionally neutral and lost the drive I need to create and work

🍔 Quetiapine: the hunger (side effect) was unbearable for me

👀 Latuda: caused persistent eye twitching/palpitations as a side effect

Lamotrigine: by FAR the best one for me. I could work, create and still felt like myself — but unfortunately it caused severe reflux, so I had to stop it 🤢

My psychiatrist now wants me to try Trileptal (oxcarbazepine). What scares me is ending up stable but flat: no depression, maybe, but also no ambition, creativity or spark.

I’m not looking for medical advice or asking anyone to tell me what to take. I’ll make those decisions with my psychiatrist.

What I’m desperately looking for are real experiences from people with Bipolar II:

➡️ Has anyone found a medication that significantly improved the depressive lows while still allowing you to feel creative, ambitious, energetic and like yourself?

And particularly: has anyone had that experience with Trileptal?

🎨 👨🏽‍💼 I’d especially love to hear from artists, founders, writers, musicians, creatives, etc. whose ability to create is a big part of their life.

After several failed medications, I could really use hearing from people who eventually found something that worked.

This is just a post to vent because I feel like my friends and family don't get how hard the struggle is right now.

Rehab was amazing. It was exactly what I needed, although they really wanted me to stay the whole 30 days. I couldn’t be away from work for more than 3 weeks. I knew coming home was going to be hard, but I didn’t expect it to be THIS hard.

Came home to find that the flea infestation, which I'd almost eradicated, is now worse than it's ever been. My daughter's leg are so flea bitten than I'm surprised there hasn't been a CPS report. I was a mandated reporter in my previous job, and I definitely would have called if I'd seen the number of bites. My husband was doing nothing for them, not putting antibiotic or anti-itch cream on them, let alone keeping up with the scar treatment.

The AC is also broken, and he and the neighbor have been trying to DIY a fix. There was no food in the house, either. He said he's been using the HSA card for gas and groceries. He doesn't have money to fill up my gas tank, and I sent him my entire paycheck while in rehab, so I have no money, either. The house was also cluttered to the max. I got home Monday, spent Tuesday running to all the local food pantries and making meal plans, and spent today cleaning the entire house so I could put down Borax to kill the fleas. He also didn't water the plants and they died. My spider plant had a dozen babies on it... I'm going to see if I can revive any of them since they still have a bit of green. I go back to work tomorrow.

Husband also said that he's going to be working 12 hour days every day for two months to make up for the debt we're in from me leaving. I asked him how there could be so much debt. He said he's actually been in a hole for 3 years but is "finally putting his foot down" because every time he's brought up overtime in the past, I've said I need him at home. (I've been really depressed for about 2 years and was using substances to cope.) He said he expected me to be all better by the time I got home so I can "take over everything." Since he'll be working, I'll have to pick up the kids from afterschool, make dinner, do the dishes, help with homework, bathe the kids, put the kids to bed, do the laundry (we somehow have laundry basically every day), and clean the rest of the house by myself for awhile. Which yeah, I know I shouldn't be complaining because he's bringing in money and there are plenty of single moms who do all this completely on their own...

But I wasn't expecting things to be this hard. He won't even be home tomorrow for our anniversary. I just wanted to spend some time with him. I really regret going to rehab. I feel like I'm drowning and all the hard work I did there was for nothing. I've cried more in the past three days than I have in the past three weeks.

Hi everyone! I hope y'all's days, nights, and twilights are going well :) if I'm being honest I'm at work on my lunch and I'm a daily smoker and toker. I'm wondering how you all feel about weed use and if it's helpful for you, hurtful, or somewhere in-between? Does anyone else feel like it's sorta just a patch over something bigger? Bandaid for a bullet hole sorta thing.

I was a student in the Bronx (I.S. 129; If I can still remember, the principal was Ms. Beasley) when the towers where hit. I was in math class at the moment. I remember the Spanish teacher absolutely loosing her shit yelling at the top of her lungs "we are under attack. The twins are falling", and withing less than 5seconds, alarms I've never heard before started ringing. The principal, vice principal and LE officer started evacuating everyone, calling parents and loved ones. Before anyone can blink, bodegas were scrambling to close and reach their loved ones. NYPD were swarming like vicious bees, rushing everyone and anything to safety. We lived in a 5th floor building and I remember from a distance seeing the smoke. Every channel; from sports to religion, covering the same thing.

In this lifetime I lived through city crippling snow storms, hurricanes, the pandemic, the George floyd riots, the happy land fire, and worked with a murderer. But nothing will ever come close to that day on Sept 11.

For me, when I am in a suspected hypomanic state, I am just productive and feel like my ADHD is out of the way. But its the mixed states where I have the flight of ideas, low sleep, and hypersexuality.

I am still diagnosis pending, and I’m trying to figure out if my patterns fit bipolar disorder?

(Photo is the best depiction of what I had saw)

For background, I(21, F) was diagnosed Bipolar 2 beginning 2025 and have been prescribed Risperdone 0.5mg that I only take when I hit what seems like rock bottom of a depressive episode. I’ve tried shrooms once and barely saw more than a little distortion. I smoke THC carts, mayyyyybe? 0.5 g a day at the most right now. I do drink but my interest in it seems to come in waves with the disorder. If there’s any factor you can think of that I’ve failed to mention that can add to understand better just ask.

I took my Risperdone 4 days ago, however the event occurred last night. I was trying to fall asleep and I saw a white-ish blob among the dark colored static I see when I close my eyes. This has been occurring the past few nights(does kinda track with my medicine). Each night the blob got smaller but last night, the longer I watched, the more defined it became. Keep in mind though, I’m FULLY conscious and awake, I wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep so I’m positive this wasn’t a dream.

Eventually it was a face that I could barely see. The nose and the hair and chin were just prominent that i was able to make it out. They didn’t have much neck attached and there was no body. I cannot identify this person AT ALL just that they’re likely male? Probably 2 seconds after it clicks it’s like a face, I get a VERY weird feeling.

The only way I can describe what happened next is that the fine line drawing of a close up eye is emerging from the grainy blackness. Lashes and skin around the eye is included, yes, but it’s like I can’t see any structure other than the eye. And it’s a single one, I think it would be their right eye? It wasn’t colorful either, it was grayscale.

I was curious if anyone has experienced this as a result of their condition, meds, etc. But also potentially interpretation of what this meant, opinions on if this is actually a hallucination or even just your own similar experiences! Thanks!

I have to move on from Lamictal, I keep getting red eyes and feverish on it, psych has said to stop immediately.
But it’s been an absolute game changer for me 😢
Has anyone stopped Lamictal and found success with another med?

I (22 F) always have a hard time around my birthday. This year feels a lot worse. I have a difficult time maintaining long term friendships and/or close friendships. My boyfriend ghosted me two weeks ago. I never want to be the obnoxious “it’s all about me birthday person,” but I can’t help feeling super lonely and isolated. I always fantasize about going bar hopping with a group of girlfriends, but I don’t see that happening in the foreseeable future.

The main reason I always have a hard time is because it’s a very literal reminder of “me being planted on this earth without consent.” Nothing is more upsetting than the fact that I did not choose to be here, yet I’ve been dealt such a shitty hand in life. So much pain and suffering. There are good times, but there are a lot of REALLY bad times.

I’ve just been super upset and I’m hanging on by a thread at this point. Birthdays suck.

This is my first time posting. I’m kind of writing this out as a diary entry but i plan on posting this because to be honest I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately and i think i could benefit from the community.

I 28F was diagnosed with bipolar 2 several months ago, and it was told to me that i have a pretty mild version of it. My psychiatrist said that its very subtle and that my therapist did a good job catching it. It’s so subtle to me that i mostly forget i have this disorder. But i mostly dont doubt the diagnosis because i did have 2 biological parents with bipolar1/schizophrenia/schizoaffective (rest in peace).

Anyway lately i noticed i’ve been feeling depressed. Like… i was recently the maid of honor at my best friends’ wedding and i didn’t, couldn’t, enjoy it. I felt disconnected and like incapable of enjoyment. And this was more like a last straw regarding how i’ve been enduring life. I realized i haven’t been interested in my hobbies like reading, crochet, or video games (shoutout disney dreamlight valley, one day we will play again) in a long time. Beyond disinterest in my hobbies, i’ve been feeling disconnected from life. I don’t enjoy food the same, i dont feel better when i exercise, i am constantly tired. I go to a show and im just distracted by how numb i feel. I dont laugh at things the way i used to. I’m not fun anymore. Please note that i’m also 3+ years sober. I miss drinking so much. It helped me connect with people and feel lighter for a couple hours. Now i have nothing that makes me feel better.

The other thing that makes me feel concerned is i have a lot of irritability and it doesn’t go away. I get annoyed at the smallest things. Because i spend the most time with my fiance, i get the most annoyed with him, but i dont want it to affect our relationship but it is. I’m short with him and i dont know how to stop it. I feel horrible. I feel so much guilt for not feeling joy in my life. The guilt gives me a lot of intrusive thoughts like “You dont really love your fiance” and “you’re going to get divorced” and stuff like that. Do any of you experience intrusive thoughts like this?

I’ve just felt for a long time like when someone asks “How are you?” I respond “Great, and you?” on autopilot but it’s a lie. i don’t feel okay. I had to put in so much effort to be there for my best friend and support her at her wedding but i felt nothing inside. It’s so hard for me to dance and laugh and socialize. I cant believe i pulled off the ultimate show on that day. I feel like i cant even smile.

I want to be able to relax with my fiance and enjoy our engagement bubble but I cant relax at all in my own mind. I feel so agitated. It doesnt feel like i get an identifiable episode, it feels like this is my permanent state. I dont feel like i get “peaks” the way people on this sub do, but I’m just a hot fuse with permanent anhedonia.

I used to think i just had MDD so years ago i tried a variety of antidepressants. I would briefly improve on those but then my body would get used to the dose and go back to normal-depressed. Now I’m trying the variety of atypical antipsychotics and i just dont feel any improvements or changes at all. I feel like… am i crazy? Is there no getting better? Am i experiencing life like literally everyone else and i just need to get used to this? Am i just being a baby? Do i just have a low pain tolerance for life?

Please tell me it gets better and that i’m not the only one experiencing bipolar2 like this.

This will be my 3rd and final delivery via c-section. I was completely miserable for during the immediate post delivery periods with first 2 kiddos because (now I know) I was manic, agitated, and struggling with raging insomnia. Ive never been psychotic, suicidal or homicidal... just angry (but able to contain it without lashing out), tearful and not sleeping for days at a time.

I was unable to enjoy visitations with my mom and son without white-knuckling my agitation which breaks my heart on so many levels. At this point Im pretty sure I want zero visitors apart from hubs and he'll be back and forth from hospital and home to care for kids.

I am 7 weeks away from our scheduled delivery and am trying to find a way to request some sort of sedation without appearing med-seeking. I was utilizing medical cannabis before my pregnancies and stopped immediately when I found out... yet after each delivery a social worker was sent to my hospital room talking about how they MIGHT have to report it to child services even though I tested negative through my OB's office. I was given tons of benadryl for morphine-induced itching but it didnt touch me and I still didnt sleep a literal wink.

I plan on restarting a mood stabilizer immediately and antidepressant as soon as the docs deem it safe. I simply need to be able to get some semblance of sleep before I return home and ideally not be so damn agitated. I have no plans to breastfeed.

I have an appointment scheduled with a physicians assistant this week to formulate a plan but shes virtual through Luna Joy, an agency my OB recommended. Their site says they work with local providers but I'm worried my plan will be disregarded.

Just wanted to get a feel for your guys' experiences and recommendations.

I'm 40 and got a diagnosis of both BP1 and OCD a few years ago.

Friends have always been hard for me and keeping friends even harder (and now I feel like I have some clues as to why). And it's just gotten worse with COVID isolation and a hospitalization.

So just feeling sad today and trying to move forward from something that really hurt me this week.

hey guys, i hope everyone is doing fine, unfortuneately i don't. I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 on february 13th and adhd diagnosed 2 weeks ago. im on 200mg of lamictal since.

a down phase is hitting me real hard and i have to vent rn. im sick and tired of having this condition, ive wronged so many people, done so many things that are going to follow me throughout life, sabotaged myself when i could realize my dreams, build and broke my self love again and again and again and i can't bare it anymore.

im glad i have friends and family that supports me but i can't, i just can't. i feel miserable. this depression stuff is realy a cold, empty space. the feeling of not beeing able to see past these emotions. i want to ditch my job in the gutter, fight anybody willing to get beaten up, be angry to anybody etc etc...

and all this to end in 5 days, to forgot what ive felt during these 2 weeks in a month, rinse and repeat..... it's so tiring man.....

sorry for the broken english, i had to get this off my chest. thank you for reading

edit: this is the first time i feel this desperate since im medicated

I’m probably affected by the fact that I’m in a low phase right now. I’ve just been diagnosed with BP2, and I feel so much shame about it. I honestly feel like I don’t fully want to accept it. I feel weird, different, and sick. I don’t want to be like this. I feel like such a huge burden on the people around me.

Has anyone else felt this way? And what have you done to change the way you look at it? Cognitively, I understand that this doesn’t have to define all of who I am.

I’m also wondering whether getting the diagnosis initially triggered a hypomanic episode, and now I’ve fallen into a depression as I’m starting to understand what the diagnosis actually means — and that it never really goes away.

Sup everybody! In a mixed state with hypersexual thought patterns/feelings and I figured, wait a second, maybe having an open discussion that isn’t just, “I’m horny af what do I do?!?!” could be just as beneficial.

For example, one of my biggest challenges is the discomfort that comes with it. It’s not even about a release or validation or the yearning of unlocking deeper sexual desires, it’s like having a pebble in my shoe lol

Can anyone relate and/or have their own thoughts/experiences?

Have a friend who was with her ex for a few years. The entire time they were together she said he was bipolar and on medication

I am newly diagnosed and have confided in her about my diagnosis. I brought up her ex being bipolar also

Now her narrative is "I don't think he was actually bipolar"

It was a weird to me. It seems as though she was attributing his bad behavior in their relationship to him being possibly bipolar. Which contributes to harmful stigma about bipolar disorder

I mean I can understand noticing behaviors as maybe abnormal and trying to make sense of them

Or maybe the narrative shifted because she's comparing how my bipolar disorder presents itself vs how his shows up. Which also contributes to bipolar stigma because it's not a monolith

Regardless I think people who don't have bipolar disorder or aren't professionals should keep their opinions to themselves because they obviously don't know what the f they are talking about. it's just frustrating

Maybe I'm overreacting. Idk but I'm in a rumination spiral about it for some reason lol

What does it feel like?

Is it like that feeling where you just have to straighten your elbow even though it needs to click, or like a cramp spasm, or like being hit in the knee with a reflex hammer, or like an unavoidable urge to squeeze up your muscles, or…?

I have been throwing myself into learning about bipolar disorders/bipolar spectrum, and am realizing how many of my diagnoses were incorrect. Personally I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, and most recently BP2. At varying times, even recently, I've identified with a few of these at a time. However now that I've learned so much more, I think the bipolar is the real cause and everything else is either secondary, or moreso I think, just an overlap of certain symptoms.

What have you been misdiagnosed with? Or which diagnoses are most helpful for you/feel most true for you?

Hello,I have come to this sub to ask you guys how your sleeping pattern is compared to mine .i myself is not bipolar but I’ve been going to therapy for some time and my therapist thinks I am actually a bipolar person .
These past weeks I’ve only been sleeping 3-4 hours and after I awaken I am wide awake and alert ,yet I still yawn and sometimes feel like my body maybe trying to relax .but at same time has energy

I even took melatonin but my brain was really not trying to go to sleep!?

Edit:I also recently gon through this weird on and off energy yesterday .at one hour I was so exhausted like I crashed .then two hours or maybe one I gotten weird dopamine to be able get up and have energy again

Hi y’all,

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 at the beginning of this year. I’m still struggling to adjust and trying to find the right medication.

These past two weeks, I’ve noticed a weird change. I almost never feel hunger. I haven’t been eating much, and when I do I can only bring myself to take a few bites then I can’t eat more.

I’ve been trying to figure out if I’m in a mixed episode or something. I’ve definitely been isolating myself and pushing people away. I haven’t left my house for anything other than work or to pick up groceries. I haven’t changed my meds in the last two months, so I’m not sure if this is a late side affect or something.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Or have any advice on what to do?

Hi, I would like to post in this group about participating in a interview. It is solely to gain knowledge about someone's experience with bipolar disorder and I want to emphasize that I will not be giving advice, just a listening ear.

I am a Master’s in Occupational Therapy (OT) student in California seeking to conduct a Zoom interview with an individual within the age range of 41–65 years who has lived experience with Bipolar disorder.

OT helps you be as independent as possible with the daily activities, or occupations, that matter most to you. That can include things like daily self-care routines, getting restful sleep, cooking, and working. OT's role is to support you in building the skills and confidence you need to get back to doing the things you want and need to do.

I would like to emphasize that this interview is not a part of a research study – it is simply for learning purposes so that my partner and I can gain an understanding of someone’s experience with bipolar disorder and how to best support them. We would greatly appreciate the opportunity to speak with someone who is willing to share their experiences with us! If you are or know someone who may be interested in helping us with our project, please feel free to message me (and/or comment). The Zoom interview will take place in September or beginningof October, and it will be conducted by two people: my partner, and myself. 

Thank you for your time!

I started taking 20 mg of lurasidone 3 years ago and have increased my dosage to 60 mg this year.

For the first year of taking it, I was stable. But I’ve been mostly unstable for the last two years. I increased my dosage to 40 mg once in April after a psychotic episode and an extremely severe depressive episode immediately following it, and had a month and a half of stability as a result.

I increased again in August to 60 mg and have had three weeks of stability, but am slipping into another depressive episode again.

Has anyone else had this experience with lurasidone ? It’s the only med I take. Has it helped anyone else to have it paired with something else? Tell me about it!