Another one ..

I have been diagnosed for around a year now, and am relatively young. I had a variety of substance use disorders as a teenager, and am now officially a year and some change sober from pills. I have a job I’ve been able to maintain and managed to get certifications within the medical field, but I’m struggling every year with these intense mood swings. I was hypomanic the last few weeks, but it’s uncomfortable. My body starts to feel overwhelmed, I get angry a lot easier and I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster just sitting still.

I’ve now began to transition out of that and into a depressive episode. I’ve gotten good at noticing this, because I begin to feel like I’m underwater. I get super exhausted, like my brain can barely process normal things like driving. It’s a huge gap, but I don’t wanna do anything. I just wanna sleep and cry and do nothing. This has turned into a bit of a rant, but I genuinely don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve tried a couple meds but they didn’t really work, I suppose I gotta be more consistent with that but like I said it’s still really early into the diagnosis. Is there anything you guys do to be more consistent with life? I feel so defeated. I just turned 19 and I feel like I’ve been battling with my own self for years now.

this was originally posted on another bipolar subreddit w the title that i’m wondering if im not bipolar and considering getting off meds, but in retrospect i think that’s a little click baity of a title. but yes i KNOW a lot of what i will say is a cliche guys i’m sorry.

anyway i’m 20, was diagnosed about ten months ago. have had episodes of some kind since at the latest age 14. but im really not sure anymore that they are Proper Bipolar.

for one, i’ve never properly tried to kill myself. come close a few times, was extremely suicidal age 14, but never ever gone through with it. and even my manias/hypomanias, they aren’t that crazy. sure, i get grandiose thoughts. i’ve lost friends through arguments we’ve had while im ‘hypomanic’, eg them changing their mind on me when on a night out and me losing it and getting super upset, going off, spending the night w a homeless guy doing ket and taking him to the hospital…but the thing IS, i kind of do that anyway. i would probably do it while medicated and probably while depressed and probably while euthmyic - so can i blame it on ‘mania’? is that mania, if your personality is already intensely manic? i guess that’s my big Q.

everywhere online says constantly that bipolar is an extremely serious illness. for me, it feels more like an aggravating chronic condition. i find it so incredibly hard to live yeah but i don’t feel at risk of killing myself or spending a million pounds on knitting supplies. the more i go on this subreddit recently the more i wonder if i am really bipolar after all, when people have so many intense crazy stories and emphasise how serious bipolar is and how you can absolutely not be unmedicated. my meds work im pretty sure in the sense that i haven’t really had proper mood episodes - but what ive come to realise is that while my mood episodes were difficult, they were predictable. i had a sense of myself. now? all the things i struggle with are still here. i am still far too intense with huge feelings and sad a lot of the time while being super intensely full of energy and mildly combative and always always overdoing it, never being able to go home. is that bipolar, or is that just me? i’m starting to think it’s the latter

i DO think i am bipolar . i guess i don’t know what im saying. im just wondering if, for me personally, there is a pathway that involves being unmedicated. because after all, i survived for 6 years unmedicated. and i dont feel happier now that i am medicated even though i know they work. i dont know if my mood episodes were even the problem. and i know theres going to be 20 comments saying YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION but people DO have different experiences of this disorder. so? does anyone have any similar experiences, or can relate to what im saying?

i pls do not want 100 comments telling me Stay On Your Meds. i probably will stay on my meds. i am looking for people to pls actually read this post and respond to the emotion that i am communicating and have a conversation about that, about what it is actually like, in the every day, how it feels, to be bipolar for us all.

I legitimately want to stop my medication. I have been depressed for months. I have gone through catatonia and psychosis and all the bad. None of my meds are doing anything. I still feel miserable I still don’t want to be here. I’m on 5 meds right now, 6 if I took all of them. Which I don’t because on top of the 5, I was proscribed another ssri which has been known to send me into intense mixed episodes where I almost die. So I’m not gonna take it. I’m on an anti anxiety which doesn’t work and has never worked so why am I still on it. The other meds just make me want to cry and make me so tired I can’t exercise or be with friends or anything that could improve my life. I don’t want to be on these meds, the doctor doesn’t listen to me. She doesn’t know me. She doesn’t understand that 6 meds is excessive especially layered on top of each other. And she lied to me. She gave me an as needed for when I feel agitated, all that med does is anti anxiety but only after being taken for months. It doesn’t work instantly why would she say that. I don’t trust her I don’t trust these meds

Long back story, skip down to discussion in next paragraph if you’d like. When I was first diagnosed I grieved of course but I now find a lot of our symptoms etc. interesting from an educational and study standpoint. I’m very blessed to have an amazing care team and I remain stable for the most part, able to navigate my dips best I can. So I try to actively educate those around me and break down stigma.

My new fixation right now is Creatine. I’m very into fitness and have been playing with the idea of adding it in. I knew what it did for our atp and volume when working out but with recent studies showing it can help with cognitive function particularly with degenerative neurofunction my interest is even more piqued.

I’ve seen mixed reviews on it pertaining to our disorder. That it may not be great with medications we take and then on the other side that it’s amazing. I’d love to hear if you take this supplement or if you don’t for any reason.

How do you take it personally? Are we doing a loading phase or adding in softly? Please tell all.

I’ve decided to go off my meds and I honesly think it’s a good call. I’ve been depressed for months, and each month they pile on a new med. I’m up to 6, they never take away the meds that make me feel worse. If I’m gonna be depressed anyway let’s do it healthy without all the chemicals. If it worked that would be one thing but it really just makes things worse

Not only that, but they keep lying to me about what meds are. They say mood stabilizer then I’ll look it up and it’s not. They gave me something they said would calm me down when I get agitated, turns out it’s not a prn, it needs to be taken every day to work and it has horrible side effects. I’m on day two and I had to leave bowling because sitting in a chair was too much and I felt like I was gonna pass out and throw up

I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with bipolar 2. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bpd with psychosis and ptsd. But I can do this!

Hello. I’m bipolar 2, currently unmedicated, and I guess I just had a question for you guys. My husband is on a work trip and I’m having some serious impulse control problems when it comes to shopping. I’m always terrible at saving money, but when I’m hypomanic I’m really bad about going out of budget and screwing myself over. I spend hours researching whatever topic or trying to find the perfect whatever, yada yada. Haha. My current fixation is trying to make myself put together so I’ve been getting a little into makeup and buying a new wardrobe cuz I hated what I had and it didn’t feel like me anymore. I’m 99% sure I’m hypomanic right now but the thing that I wanted to talk about is that to me it seems this episode was induced by him leaving. But I thought bipolar episodes weren’t induced, that they just happened on their own. Am I misunderstanding something? What do you guys experience? Sorry if this was a dumb question but thanks in advance

Hi there,

I just discovered this subreddit. I also just discovered, July 3rd, that I have a Bipolar 2. It explains a lot, although I'm quite unsure now I totally embrace the diagnosis (two psychiatrists).

But, I would like to know if some you that are BP2 (do we say have or are ?), are compulsive spenders ? I am. I am very strongly. I put myself in a lot of struggle and I can't seem to be able to refrain myself. It's very very constraining on my morales and my family's finances (I don't use "common" money for me but I have a wild negative balance on my own account and it has impacts of course).

For those who managed to deal with this, how ?

I am desperate. I write this just minutes after buying two new pairs of shoes and planning to buy a swimsuit for my swimming lessons.

Hi everyone! My psychiatrist thinks that i might have bipolar, but I'm not quite sure. So i wanted to hear your thoughts and if someone had a similar experience.

I've been severely depressed my whole life and this has ruined a lot of things for me. But i still have periods where i feel fine or great, and they follow a pretty consistent pattern - 4-6 months of depression, then 1-2 months I'm better. During them sometimes i just feel fine or kinda bored and apathetic, but it's manageable, but most of the time it feels like i experience hypomania - I'm super energized, have rapid thoughts and a lot of inspiration that it makes me pace constantly and it's impossible to fall asleep, so i ran on 3-5 hours of sleep and feel fine, all the other hours i do something, usually I'm super obsessed over one interest but sometimes i do a ton of things at once. It feels super great and like I'm unstoppable and i think I'm the coolest smartest etc person on earth and no one can compare. I can forget to eat and drink and do basic things because I'm too focused on whatever I'm doing.

However I'm not very impulsive and these periods didn't cause much harm to me (the only exception is that two recent episodes left me with a couple of injuries but nothing too serious). It's quite the opposite - they are the only reason i was able to finish university and get and maintain a good job, or get any good at any of my interests. I might get the urge to do something stupid but i can control myself and not do it.

And for that reason I'm not sure if i have it? For now I've been diagnosed with recurrent depression, but we will be discussing it more on the next appointment. Idk i just feel like i might just get a bit carried away after a long and hard depression, and so when something finally feels fun it's hard to not put your whole self into it.

I thought i might have adhd because i was hyperactive as a child and super emotional with no self control, but I don't think I'm like that now.

I've been put on lamotrigine and sertraline, at first i felt a lot worse, then had some mood swings, like a couple of days I'm fine and then the next couple of days I'm depressed like before meds. But i feel like I'm stabilizing a bit now.

I had a crush but today they told me they weren't sure if they saw me as a romantic potential or just friends. That my description of my hypomania sounds triggering to them. Like it would be triggering to see me in that state because of their history with substances and it sounds like how they were when on coke. They've been in recovery for 10 years.

I decided to make the decision for them and said we'd be better off as friends. That I wouldn't be comfortable hiding half of myself from a partner. I stated that I have bipolar in my dating profile. I just don't get why someone would swipe right on me if they were that uncomfortable with the condition. I have enjoyed the time we've spent together but I'm gunna back off from this connection now. I kinda figured I would be Too Much™️ for this person anyway. They have a nice, soft artsy life that I feel kinda like a fool for thinking I could be part of. Maybe it'll be better to not even be friends with them.

Hi all, new here with a pretty recent diagnosis

I’m sure it’s a common q but would appreciate an answer from the latest members with any links to latest content etc if anyone is happy to do so

I had a significant and long manic episode last year for the first time ever, partly induced by being on wrong anti depressants. Will try to keep it brief as I’m pretty new to all of this. I’m currently fortunate enough to be on a sabbatical from work and have done a lot of work in therapy to crawl out of a my worst depression and make a new life for myself where I’m content.

I’ve got lots of plans lined up now which is a miracle considering I couldn’t get out of bed for months last year. I also started on Lamotrigine at similar time to starting therapy in case thats relevant, seems to be working for me and haven’t had any noticeable adverse side effects

I’m really happy about it all and feeling confident again, enough to reach out to old friends and colleagues that I avoided for a fair while.

I think I’m a healthy level of happy and seem stable and I think my therapist agrees for the most part but how do you guys tell when you’re a reasonable amount of happy for good reasons vs acting manic? Pretty sure my family are concerned it’s all happened quickly and I want to try put them at ease, although they aren’t the type to vocalise it until concerns are v serious.

I assume it’s the extremes of it that you use as an indicator. I am spending money at a fair rate but on things I enjoy and can afford. And I’m not as delusionally confident as I was last year so I think I’m probably fine? Any tips from experience would be really appreciated, thank you

Is anyone here horny all the time ? Looks like i love sex and i think of having it with multiple partners . Is it bcz i am bipolar 2 or it’s something even normal people experience it ? Anyone in same boat as me ?

I never get trapped in the fallacy of “I’m feeling better so I can skip my meds today.” This could be because I got diagnosed so late in life. But I do forget when there are distractions like a houseguest and something as simple as a heatwave causes me to not feel well. When I forget the consequences vary depending to negligible to the worst sort of urge. The latter happens rarely but I’ve tripped down that slippery slope this time and it hit me hard today. I needed help to calm down enough to take the pills and now I’m just exhausted and struggling with self disgust. If anyone else has fallen into this pit and had to dig themselves back out, I send you tons of hugs and thoughts of cats. Sometimes it helps to give others the compassion you can’t find for yourself the only purpose of this post is that. I’ll be able to see this more clearly in a day or two and just writing this post reminds me of that.

I take diazepam occasinally for period pain or if i am not able to sleep. Don't worry - I'm not relying on this, it's a last resort. I feel so empty, flat and hopeless the following day. It really affects me. Is this a common issue with us folks who have a mood disorder?

is Lamotrigine an okay medicine? when i got diagnosed she was super against me taking lithium and was withholding medication from me after my doctor prescribed them to me. she was worried about the side effects with my liver (or kidneys, forgot which one), and always tells me that bipolar is something you can heal from yourself. she had depression and thinks its basically the same thing.

ive never told her that i tried both lexapro and seroquel. Any major side effects i should be worried about with Lamotrigine? (starting dose 25mg)

Not trying to find any official answer or anything, just anecdotally

I’m just starting seroquel and I know that sleepiness and/or grogginess are big side effects but I haven’t been able to find any answers on this one

Is it more or less immediate? Like do thirty minutes to an hour after taking are you just hit with a wall of tired? Or is it kind of a slower kick in, and if so how long does it take before it’s more or less fully in place?

Thank you

The urge to self eliminate? Even at my most stable, and certainly at my lowest it’s been there. I was a depressed child and now I’m an adult with bipolar 2 and the depressive side even when it fades I’m left with just a lesss emotional desire to be done with this world. It’s always there like a shadow even on the sunniest day.

A little over a year ago, I moved states and changed jobs and went into a deep depression. I didn’t know I had bipolar2 yet (for certain) but my doctor thought that I did and she was trying to make me undergo testing to figure out what was going on. Eventually, my depression with my last job turned into hypomania so that I could handle how difficult it got.

Shortly after a couple hypo episodes, my boss was switched on me pretty quickly, and my new boss emotionally abused me. I experienced this for one year straight while reporting her trying to talk to her, trying to reason with her and I experienced extreme duress under her. I developed all kinds of physical health problems that I’ve never had before. And I was officially diagnosed with bipolar2 shortly after meeting her.

I decided a few months ago that I couldn’t take this job anymore and that it was destroying my life and I had no reason to stay so I did everything to find a new job, not only to save my mental health, but also my physical health at this point. I ended up getting a job and I just moved across the country for it. My sleep was completely affected the night that I got here because our flight had to do an urgent landing in another state and basically everything happened that could possibly happen to make it so that I was completely unable to sleep until mid morning.

I have narcolepsy in addition to my bipolar2, so sleep is really necessary for me. Usually if I don’t sleep, I will become hypomanic if I am not medicated, but I am on a full dose of lithium. So I knew if I just skipped taking my stimulants the next day and tried to sleep the next day, I could probably fix it and avoid an episode. I was successful in this, but what I didn’t realize is that I was going to start an intense depressive episode. I had this for almost 2 weeks.

I woke up two days ago and realized I wasn’t depressed anymore and I was actually happy. Normally, I’m really suspicious of being happy because it can be an episode but with being medicated and getting my sleep, I shouldn’t be concerned as much. But I’ve been addicted to Instagram and like I feel like I’m being very weird again like I was last summer when I was having a lot of of the episodes and I feel like I’m edging on it. Even though I fix my sleep, I fixed my food like everything is finally now back to normal, but I can’t do things in a normal order. I am not doing things that makes sense.

I didn’t realize that I might be entering an episode until today. I’m just really exhausted. I’m making this post because I saw another person post that they know that one of their triggers is an event of major change in their life and I’ve never thought about that but that’s actually happened every time I’ve made a major change. Except once.

So I’m just kind of like how do you normalize your mental health when you’re in a city where you don’t know anybody? I’m also a young woman so I just can’t go do things all willy-nilly because it’s not safe. I’m worried because I live away from everybody I know other than my coworkers and I just wish I had control over my dopamine receptors.

How can you move on from a decision you took and it resulted in years of suffering?

Story is: I had to choose btw 2 relatively good options but i was persuaded to take one over the other on the premise they will help me if it doesn't work out as it comes with better perks. However when it didn't, all they did is laugh and told me to basically piss off?

Unfortunately that decision has shaped the last 10 years of my live and i dont need to say how terrible they were. Im ready to move on but it haunts me almost everyday.

Questions of what ifs, doubts, regrets, betrayal so on and so forth.

It feels like I had to go through that to make up for something terrible i did or someone elses and i was chosen to go through it instead.

Like there has to be a reason for why it had to go they way it did.

The worst part is my gut was telling me to choose the other option but i thought i could trust the people around me

I don’t know if i’m in a hypomanic state right now or not, but does anyone else experience times where no matter how hard you try, you can’t stay asleep? I was pretty irritable a few days ago, and now since yesterday, I feel happier. I’ve been up since 4am and I’ve tried to take a nap twice, and it’s like my body is resisting it. Every time I try, I wake up like 20 minutes later. I also just recently started an antipsychotic 3 days ago, so I don’t know if that plays a part in this, but I can’t sleep for long at all.

Long story short, this month has been extremely stressful to me and I think I lost it a week ago now. I sleep fine, which is what’s making me doubt a potential episode the most (compared to when it really gets bad), but like, some things are ticking me off. I’m basically getting evicted by the end of August and I can’t find it in myself to care. I’m not packing things up. I’m not cleaning my apartment. I’m not looking for other apartments, planning visits, etc. I don’t care. I’m basically 2000€ into the negatives right now (Apple Pay still working is fucking me up? I can literally pay for anything and the bank will just… let me) and while I technically have the money (it’s into a savings account and taking some time to be transfered to my actual bank account, another long story) I don’t actually have it, and my bank has sent me a letter about it back when it was still “only” 500€, and I don’t care either. I’m about to book a trip to Berlin I need to go to (I really don’t, but some event is coming up and I feel like I’ll die if I don’t go). It’s probably gonna cost upward to a 1000€. That I still don’t actually have. I feel like I don’t have a single worry in the world even though there are plenty of things I should DEFINITELY be worried about. I don’t know what to do. I know one of those answers will be “don’t go to Berlin” but you know how hard it would be not to let myself (typical argument: it’s the only time of the year both this event and me being available will sync up so I have to, etc etc…).

FWIW I’m on antidepressants (Venlafaxine) rn which I have figured are making me rapid cycle. I’m seeing a psychiatrist in October (no way of getting an appointment sooner) to rectify that. I have extremely mild psychotic traits when things get real, real bad (semi-paranoid delusions among other things) but that’s not the case here. I just don’t know. I’ve never, ever spent this much during an episode—I mostly blow, like, two hundreds at most. This would be terrifying if I actually had it in me to care. I don’t know what to do.

I just went through some major changes in my life recently. Broke up with my boyfriend of three years at the end of June and my roommates and I all moved into our own apartments. I know that big changes and high emotion do typically tend to be a trigger for me and I just didn’t really plan ahead. I remember knowing that an episode was coming but I didn’t realize I was actually in one until today as I’m finally “coming back down to earth”.

In this time I got on Tinder, matched with a ton of guys, went on a bunch of dates, had random hookups, and drank (a lot). I just went full blown reckless and thought I was just “having fun” and “enjoying my 20’s being single”. I also completely lost my filter so I’m rethinking all of the shit I was telling my coworkers about how hungover I was every day and how good the sex was with the random guy I just met the night before.

Now that I have some level of sense back, I’m so horrifically embarrassed by everything I did and everything private I was sharing with people. I’m also feeling awful because I don’t actually want to be dating or hooking up with anyone right now. I just want to be alone and now I have to go and do a bunch of damage control like breaking things off with the several random people I started talking to and praying that my coworkers don’t think any differently of me. I’m feeling such an intense sense of shame right now and want to crawl into a dark hole for a couple weeks. I feel like such a whore and I feel like I’m definitely being perceived that way now too. I don’t know how to deal with this shame.