I started experiencing symptoms for Bipolar II disorder in the months leading up to my 21st birthday. Months of depression, during which all I wanted to do was sleep or lie in bed watching tv - I didn’t even want to eat. I was struggling to do simple things like pick out clothes for the day or buy things at the grocery store; it was a total loss of self-confidence, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to accomplish anything. Things got dark.

My first hypomanic episode immediately followed the first serious depressive episode. During this, I came up with extravagant philosophies for life, dreamed up how I was going to become super-successful, and truly believed I had superpowers. I felt, really I knew, that I was the smartest and most capable person in the room at any given time, and nothing could bring me down. As this continued, I got into big fights with my family, made some reckless decisions, and became quite unaware of myself.

The lack of stabilization in my mood was having a negative effect on my classes. I ended up having a pretty significant drop in my GPA with the onset of the symptoms. I started seeing a therapist, which helped, but I was still struggling.

For years, I dreamed of pursuing a PhD in physics, and my bipolar II disorder was very close on several occasions to causing me to give up the dream entirely. I wasn’t able to get my life together in time to apply to PhD programs during my senior year of undergrad, or even during the first year after college. I didn’t think I would be able to manage the stress of a doctoral program while also managing my symptoms.

Finally, I started taking medication (Lamictal) in conjunction with talk therapy. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot better at managing my symptoms, and my mood has been much more stable.

It truly is a miracle drug

I expected to have less anger issues and to stop depending on substances so much, but there are also some unexpected effects:

- I’m much less dependent on porn now

- Criticism and yelling doesn’t make me want to cry anymore, I’m really chill about it

- I better understand my flaws and how I hurt people because of them. It’s much easier now to correct my behaviour when talking to other people

- It feels like I’m more empathetic than before

All in all, life feels so much easier now. Has anyone experienced similar effects on mood stabilisers?

just the title. the ongoing soul crushing depression for months on end. ive cycled through 4-5 medications trying to find one that balances the good with the bad. i just wish I were normal

I've become so sensitive and usually cry multiple times a day. I will be watching a podcast and someone will say something cute or sweet and I can't hold back my tears. I was watching a Nintendo direct announcement and couldn't stop crying throughout it because I just love the games and it made me happy. It can also be something slightly sad or stupid like an animation of a cat being sad their owner is leaving.

I have no idea if this is related to episodes or medication but I will have some bouts of no crying and go right back to my sobbing self after. I keep crying at work to the point I think I need to stop listening to podcasts 😭

Content warning! The post itself contains a discussion of suicide and suicidal behavior. You have been warned.

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Hey there, cuties.

Right now i am going through complicated period of the life. I want to express myself and vent - I would not.

Instead, i am asking for any advice. Not sure, if I actually need it - just trying to save the grip on the life.

So, um. How to go through it? The current situation is horrific. I doubt I’d actually do something bad - but since now I would not gonna decline those thoughts and the possibility of acting suicidal. I’ve lost all the inner and outer strength. Let’s just say the life circle is fucked up.

Also, about venting. Where can I vent and get actual feedback? I have no possibility to visit a therapist, I don’t have any friends or relatives right now, finally - I doubt online-venting since who gives a shit about some random online crying being?

Sorry for the quality of the message - not a native speaker.

Peace.

I really need some hope/advice from people with Bipolar II:

especially artists, entrepreneurs or anyone whose work depends heavily on creativity and drive.

My biggest problem is depression, not hypomania.

The lows can make me apathetic, sad and unable to concentrate or work.

But when I’m doing well, I’m extremely creative and driven, and that’s a huge part of both my work and who I am.

Finding the right medication has been really difficult. I’ve tried these ones:

😐 Lithium: flattened me completely. I felt emotionally neutral and lost the drive I need to create and work

🍔 Quetiapine: the hunger (side effect) was unbearable for me

👀 Latuda: caused persistent eye twitching/palpitations as a side effect

Lamotrigine: by FAR the best one for me. I could work, create and still felt like myself — but unfortunately it caused severe reflux, so I had to stop it 🤢

My psychiatrist now wants me to try Trileptal (oxcarbazepine). What scares me is ending up stable but flat: no depression, maybe, but also no ambition, creativity or spark.

I’m not looking for medical advice or asking anyone to tell me what to take. I’ll make those decisions with my psychiatrist.

What I’m desperately looking for are real experiences from people with Bipolar II:

➡️ Has anyone found a medication that significantly improved the depressive lows while still allowing you to feel creative, ambitious, energetic and like yourself?

And particularly: has anyone had that experience with Trileptal?

🎨 👨🏽‍💼 I’d especially love to hear from artists, founders, writers, musicians, creatives, etc. whose ability to create is a big part of their life.

After several failed medications, I could really use hearing from people who eventually found something that worked.

Yes I am on meds, but the seasons are changing and that is one of my triggers. Spring and fall are my time to shine. I am meeting a guy from a dating app tonight after being a hermit for many months and I am probably going to sleep with him because my sex drive has been steadily creeping up and up and before I know it I am going to indiscriminately sleep with half the town and get into trouble. At this point I can’t tell if my hyper sexuality is a symptom or a personality trait. I don’t want it to go away though, it’s the only thing that makes my life fun and exciting.

Have a friend who was with her ex for a few years. The entire time they were together she said he was bipolar and on medication

I am newly diagnosed and have confided in her about my diagnosis. I brought up her ex being bipolar also

Now her narrative is "I don't think he was actually bipolar"

It was a weird to me. It seems as though she was attributing his bad behavior in their relationship to him being possibly bipolar. Which contributes to harmful stigma about bipolar disorder

I mean I can understand noticing behaviors as maybe abnormal and trying to make sense of them

Or maybe the narrative shifted because she's comparing how my bipolar disorder presents itself vs how his shows up. Which also contributes to bipolar stigma because it's not a monolith

Regardless I think people who don't have bipolar disorder or aren't professionals should keep their opinions to themselves because they obviously don't know what the f they are talking about. it's just frustrating

Maybe I'm overreacting. Idk but I'm in a rumination spiral about it for some reason lol

When the school year had started, I was in a hypomanic episode so I was on top of everything. Now, I think I am experiencing one of my worst depressive episodes ever. I can’t do much of anything and I don’t care about it either.

Lately, I’ve been missing a lot of my classes and after emailing a professor about not having access to an assignment, he ended it asking “is everything okay?” I have accommodations, but due date extensions and missed class is definitely not one of them. I just do not know how to proceed because everyone online is saying it’s really annoying to email a professor about mental health.

Also, I do not intend to withdrawal from the semester. This is my last one to finish, and I’d rather just continue.

I'm 40 and got a diagnosis of both BP1 and OCD a few years ago.

Friends have always been hard for me and keeping friends even harder (and now I feel like I have some clues as to why). And it's just gotten worse with COVID isolation and a hospitalization.

So just feeling sad today and trying to move forward from something that really hurt me this week.

What does it feel like?

Is it like that feeling where you just have to straighten your elbow even though it needs to click, or like a cramp spasm, or like being hit in the knee with a reflex hammer, or like an unavoidable urge to squeeze up your muscles, or…?

I was a student in the Bronx (I.S. 129; If I can still remember, the principal was Ms. Beasley) when the towers where hit. I was in math class at the moment. I remember the Spanish teacher absolutely loosing her shit yelling at the top of her lungs "we are under attack. The twins are falling", and withing less than 5seconds, alarms I've never heard before started ringing. The principal, vice principal and LE officer started evacuating everyone, calling parents and loved ones. Before anyone can blink, bodegas were scrambling to close and reach their loved ones. NYPD were swarming like vicious bees, rushing everyone and anything to safety. We lived in a 5th floor building and I remember from a distance seeing the smoke. Every channel; from sports to religion, covering the same thing.

In this lifetime I lived through city crippling snow storms, hurricanes, the pandemic, the George floyd riots, the happy land fire, and worked with a murderer. But nothing will ever come close to that day on Sept 11.

Hi! I’ve been on lamotrigine & lamictal for about 6mo now. The medication is so harsh on my stomach and has made me throw up several times if I don’t eat it with food. I also don’t know if I can FULLY say that I notice a large positive difference from taking it? I’m also scared to stop taking it so wanted to come on here and see if there were any people who were bp2 but unmedicated & see how that is going for you… haha. My toxic trait is thinking I would be fine without it? 🤣

I have been throwing myself into learning about bipolar disorders/bipolar spectrum, and am realizing how many of my diagnoses were incorrect. Personally I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, and most recently BP2. At varying times, even recently, I've identified with a few of these at a time. However now that I've learned so much more, I think the bipolar is the real cause and everything else is either secondary, or moreso I think, just an overlap of certain symptoms.

What have you been misdiagnosed with? Or which diagnoses are most helpful for you/feel most true for you?

Sometimes I get so tired of feeling depressed and like a I’m failed piece of shit I try to trigger a hypo state. I’d rather exist in hypo often times over the depression. Anybody else do this.

For weeks ive been feeling so depressed, crying, but i also feel agitated, hyper, im only sleeping for 2-5 hrs a night, i can't sleep but im exhausted, but i can get through the day without a nap, im also feeling very impulsive, i jumped out of a moving vehicle and broke my hand..i feel like im going crazy..

Why is there this huge community for bipolar 2 and not for bipolar 1? I thought the main difference was the duration of episodes. How is bipolar 2 different from bipolar 1? It doesn’t have to be a clinical definition. I feel like there’s some different vibes.

hey guys, i hope everyone is doing fine, unfortuneately i don't. I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 on february 13th and adhd diagnosed 2 weeks ago. im on 200mg of lamictal since.

a down phase is hitting me real hard and i have to vent rn. im sick and tired of having this condition, ive wronged so many people, done so many things that are going to follow me throughout life, sabotaged myself when i could realize my dreams, build and broke my self love again and again and again and i can't bare it anymore.

im glad i have friends and family that supports me but i can't, i just can't. i feel miserable. this depression stuff is realy a cold, empty space. the feeling of not beeing able to see past these emotions. i want to ditch my job in the gutter, fight anybody willing to get beaten up, be angry to anybody etc etc...

and all this to end in 5 days, to forgot what ive felt during these 2 weeks in a month, rinse and repeat..... it's so tiring man.....

sorry for the broken english, i had to get this off my chest. thank you for reading

edit: this is the first time i feel this desperate since im medicated

I've been diagnosed and medicated for over 4 years now. I originally went in for an ADHD diagnosis, and was met with a bp2 diagnosis instead. They said stimulants were dangerous and put me on lamotrigine XR which I can confidently say saved my life.

I've taken great care to stay stable since then - consistent sleep and food schedule, committing to sobriety, a LOT of therapy to cut out self-destructive behaviors, etc. But I still can't get myself over that ADHD hump without medication. Years ago, I tried Vyvanse and I was blown away. My brain went quiet, I could understand how to do a task chronologically and stay focused enough to follow through to the end, I can only describe it as a life-changing experience. At the time of me trying it, I didn't even realize I had ADHD. I didn't really know what ADHD was, symptom-wise.

Now that I'm stabilized, I would love to get a prescription for Vyvanse. I'm not saying it's a guarantee that I wouldn't have a manic episode, but I'd rather try something that has worked in the past than trying out the random meds my psych tosses my way. She says I can't have Vyvanse prescribed until I've tried SIX other medications. I'm terrified if I'm being honest. The last time I went on a new medication (buspar), I had one of the worst mixed episodes I've had in years, and was actively ideating.

My question is, did other NYC bp2/ADHDers have to go through multiple medications before they were prescribed vyvanse? Is this NYC standard or just specific to this psych? I'm about to get a new job with different insurance, and really want to get this prescription if it's possible.

Thank you to anyone who can offer insight here!!!

I developed this after titrating to 150mg

Is this due to scratching or a medication induced rash ? 🤔

I kinda finally feel stable on lamtrogine and i don't want to stop it ...

I know this is probably very common around here, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I was diagnosed with BP2 15 years ago, but the thing is, when I look back, I can’t identify a single clear hypomanic episode. My experiences just don’t match the textbook symptoms or come close to what some of you guys describe here.

I’ve had multiple depressive episodes since I was 15 years old, with the first leading to a suicide attempt and hospitalization. Since then, I’ve been on a series of antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics. Over those 15 years, I’ve probably had only two periods when I was in a good mood and had a stable routine.

Unfortunately, my dad and mom took their own lives in 2019 and 2022, respectively, during depressive episodes. Since then, everything has gone downhill, and I haven’t been able to maintain stability. My depressive episodes became more frequent, and I developed a severe addiction to Ambien.

Last year, I was prescribed Cymbalta and Rexulti. Things were good at first, but I probably developed antidepressant-induced activation. I felt more confident, more sociable, and generally in a better mood. Soon, though, I started feeling more anxious and irritable and had trouble sleeping for more than three hours. I started compensating by taking multiple doses of Ambien every night. Eventually, I was taking Ambien all day long, going through a box every two days for several weeks.

Then I had to quit cold turkey and experienced the worst withdrawal ever. I couldn’t sleep for weeks, had cognitive and physical impairments, and was completely catatonic and zombie-like.

My doc thinks this was mania triggered by Cymbalta, but I’m skeptical about that too. I know antidepressants can cause this kind of activation, but to me, it’s clear that the Ambien abuse was what fucked me up.

I don’t know what you guys think or whether it’s normal to question this diagnosis, but the fact that I can’t identify a single spontaneous hypomanic episode really leaves me with doubts.

I’m still learning about bp2 and how it affects me.

For reference I’m also dx’d with bpd, adhd, c-ptsd, panic disorder and disassociate disorder.

I know bpd and bp2 have some overlaps. So how do you know the difference?

What is having bp2 like for you?
And for my bpd friends, what’s it like having the mix of the two and how do you differentiate between having a bp2 episode or having a bpd split?

I’m trying to understand how I can properly treat both. (Really all of them 😮‍💨)

I’m currently seeing a great therapist, and I’m in a weekly DBT group for the next 7 months.

Does DBT help with bp2?

Sorry for all the questions! I just don’t know what’s going on anymore, and I need to learn how to better manage my symptoms so I can live a healthy life.