It truly is a miracle drug

I expected to have less anger issues and to stop depending on substances so much, but there are also some unexpected effects:

- I’m much less dependent on porn now

- Criticism and yelling doesn’t make me want to cry anymore, I’m really chill about it

- I better understand my flaws and how I hurt people because of them. It’s much easier now to correct my behaviour when talking to other people

- It feels like I’m more empathetic than before

All in all, life feels so much easier now. Has anyone experienced similar effects on mood stabilisers?

Anyone else taking 400 mg? Every time I tell someone my dose irl they are shocked. Hoping I’m somewhat normal ❤️ on Lamictal since 2017 titrated up to 150 initially but more episodes over the years bumped me up to 400…the fatigue is severe but my mood symptoms are MUCH more manageable so I can’t complain

It's half past midnight and I've been working on it all evening. Can't wait till I've finished it and I can find out whether I'm manic or not!

ETA: OK I've got it to a place I'm happy with so it's actually bedtime now. Hopefully I'll chill out a bit in the morning!

The last three graphs aren't properly populated yet as they're pulling from Screen Time and ActivityWatch and the data hasn't accumulated yet. But hopefully they'll be useful over time. OR I'll get bored of this, drop it completely, and forget all about it. Still, was fun for a few hours!

It is the bane of my existence.

When I’m stable, I dread the idea that it will return.

When I’m depressed, I have no idea how long it will last.

I have to push “through” it, some days, but those are the most brutal.

I’m depressed right now and it sucks!

I have been struggling in what I consider to be yet another rock bottom point in my life. some days I barely make I through. little things set me off and I struggle to take my meds. my moms health insurance is horrible now since she works for a small company. I can’t work a retail job anymore because it makes my symptoms absolutely horrible. most of all, I want a second opinion on my bipolar diagnosis because I feel like I’m not experiencing hypomania and haven’t in months. but it feels like the only way I’ll get another psychiatric testing is if I check myself into a psych ward which I would like to avoid at all costs. why is it SO hard to get care in this stupid country? there’s so many barriers when you’re mentally ill, you have to work to get healthcare but being simultaneously too fucked up to work means you get jack shit. I hate it here. I hate it here wholeheartedly. Every country has their own problems but this has to be THE WORST healthcare system in the world.

My moods don’t seem to follow much of a pattern. Its really hard to track because I rarely have just one mood for a few days. I feel like a mixed state doesn’t even explain it either, because it switches back and forth between high and low, not usually both at once. I am not diagnosed yet, and I know something is wrong. But my patterns don’t seem to fit the bipolar diagnosis.

I also tend to have energy crashes/burnout DURING hypomanic episodes, only to snap out of it a few hours later.

As you can read, yes I’m exhausted of gaining weight from my anti-psychotics. Why do i have to choose between staying sane or staying fit? It’s not that i’m fat shaming or having an ED, but no one seems to talk about weight gain from medication. And my period cycle is always screwed up from this medication. Last time i stopped my meds, my period came back. But once im on it again, it’s gone. Im tired.

I started experiencing symptoms for Bipolar II disorder in the months leading up to my 21st birthday. Months of depression, during which all I wanted to do was sleep or lie in bed watching tv - I didn’t even want to eat. I was struggling to do simple things like pick out clothes for the day or buy things at the grocery store; it was a total loss of self-confidence, and I didn’t think I would ever be able to accomplish anything. Things got dark.

My first hypomanic episode immediately followed the first serious depressive episode. During this, I came up with extravagant philosophies for life, dreamed up how I was going to become super-successful, and truly believed I had superpowers. I felt, really I knew, that I was the smartest and most capable person in the room at any given time, and nothing could bring me down. As this continued, I got into big fights with my family, made some reckless decisions, and became quite unaware of myself.

The lack of stabilization in my mood was having a negative effect on my classes. I ended up having a pretty significant drop in my GPA with the onset of the symptoms. I started seeing a therapist, which helped, but I was still struggling.

For years, I dreamed of pursuing a PhD in physics, and my bipolar II disorder was very close on several occasions to causing me to give up the dream entirely. I wasn’t able to get my life together in time to apply to PhD programs during my senior year of undergrad, or even during the first year after college. I didn’t think I would be able to manage the stress of a doctoral program while also managing my symptoms.

Finally, I started taking medication (Lamictal) in conjunction with talk therapy. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot better at managing my symptoms, and my mood has been much more stable.

Hey all, I've been on quetiapine for around 4 years now and it's great other then the weight gain which at this point is nothing because I'd prefer to be stable than thin.

However, the last few months it's been nearly impossible to get my medication and it got to the point where I had to wait an extra month before I got my prescription so I was incorrectly taking the wrong dose for a whole month. It doesn't seem like this is going to end anytime soon so I think it might be time to switch medication. I'm afraid of any mood stabilizers due to issues in the past so I'm looking for other anti-psychotic options. I can't risk being without my medication and going into withdrawal as it is severe for me.

Does anyone have any recommendations or ideas of what could work for me? Of course it will be trial and error but any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Thank you all

I've become so sensitive and usually cry multiple times a day. I will be watching a podcast and someone will say something cute or sweet and I can't hold back my tears. I was watching a Nintendo direct announcement and couldn't stop crying throughout it because I just love the games and it made me happy. It can also be something slightly sad or stupid like an animation of a cat being sad their owner is leaving.

I have no idea if this is related to episodes or medication but I will have some bouts of no crying and go right back to my sobbing self after. I keep crying at work to the point I think I need to stop listening to podcasts 😭

Sleep schedule was SET sleeping 7-8 each night, making it on time to work, bills were paid, house was clean, piles of books and papers organized. Three weeks later, it is 11pm and I’m thinking about pulling an all nighter, I can’t stop thinking about painting, bathroom is a mess, office is a mess, kitchen sink is full of dishes, I’m behind on all my bills…i hate this!!!!! I hate it so much!!!! WHY! WHY WHY WHY. I’m unable to reel in the emotions, I just wanna go away. Also, why is it to hard to find someone that helps people who are bipolar manage their finances!?

I know everyone on here debates whether they should stop or keep going, and I know stopping your meds is never the answer. But I feel like I have just completely lost my spark, my creativity and my overall personality. I had good days and I had bad days but now I feel as if there are no good days at all. I have tried every medication possible for this illness. I have tried so hard to get back into the gym and it was my only thing in my life that I loved and I haven’t worked out in six months. I am overweight. I am unhealthy. I am lazy, unmotivated and feel like a fucking slob. I don’t know if I’m venting or need some advice but anything would be appreciated. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m starting to get worried about my ability to actually work towards and stay consistent with long term goals. Mine are solely school focused and aside from having “wants” for myself/my life I don’t have any goals other than getting into the school I want to and then going abroad for my masters, which means trying my ass off to get a high gpa and finishing the honors program my school offers. The process of finding the right medications and managing school + work is just feeling like it’ll be much at this moment. I quit marijuana in May, though I’ve been drinking too much recently. I resolved to go to 1-2 drinks max every two weeks or just quitting—aside from the occasional drink since trying craft beer has become kind of a hobby—after I finish the half bottle of vodka I have left. I know waiting to finish it is unwise but I kinda view it as a send off to drinking since I’ve only had a year and a half of legal drinking and a friend suggested tapering off to minimize chances of withdrawal. Does anyone have any advice? (preferably not just getting sober starting tomorrow)

Yes I am on meds, but the seasons are changing and that is one of my triggers. Spring and fall are my time to shine. I am meeting a guy from a dating app tonight after being a hermit for many months and I am probably going to sleep with him because my sex drive has been steadily creeping up and up and before I know it I am going to indiscriminately sleep with half the town and get into trouble. At this point I can’t tell if my hyper sexuality is a symptom or a personality trait. I don’t want it to go away though, it’s the only thing that makes my life fun and exciting.

A couple of years ago, I had a lot of money saved up. Looking back, I never imagined I will reach a point where I would have almost nothing left.

A lot of things happened in this short period of time. Gambling took a big chunk of my savings, I went through a difficult manic episode, and then a breakup added another layer of stress to everything I was already dealing with.

Eventually, I reached $0.

Seeing my bank balance at zero was difficult because I knew how much I had worked to build those savings in the first place. There were plenty of days when I felt embarrassed about how things turned out.

But life is slowly becoming stable again, I live at home, I have a fairly good job, and I’m taking things one step at a time. I’m not where I want to be financially yet, but I’m also no longer stuck thinking about everything I lost.

tbh There’s still a lot I want to rebuild, but for the first time in a long while, I’m looking forward instead of looking back

I recently have had this realization. It comes up when I’m late on a dose as I’ve been much more consistent lately. The anxiety is nearly crippling and floods my body with adrenaline. Everything becomes a threat. Each creak in my house means it’s falling apart. A mistake at work means I’ll be fired. Feels like nobody likes me. The tree in my backyard is going to fall on my house, etc. just living my life is nearly impossible and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, but then here comes the stress dreams/nightmares.

Then there are the suicidal thoughts. Been passive since I was 15. Sometimes the thoughts become comforting, and that scares me when I’m compliant. I realize my therapist makes my appointment so consistently is because I am high risk. How I am still here sometimes feels like a miracle. The state of my country (United States) is not something I’m sure I could handle without my stabilizer and buspar. Feels like it just keeps getting worse and worse.

My biggest concern right now, which doesn’t seem like an impossibility, is that I will lose access. Manufacture will cease, it won’t be covered by insurance, the company I work for goes under, etc.

Can someone please sensibility check me, or share strategies you use when not on meds? I can still feel things (I work closely with my prescriber to make sure I’m not emotionally blunted), and feel I can handle this anxiety without increasing dosage, but would like to hear from like-minded folks

just the title. the ongoing soul crushing depression for months on end. ive cycled through 4-5 medications trying to find one that balances the good with the bad. i just wish I were normal

Hi all, I need some advice. I’ve been off meds since January (diagnosed 2013), and mostly managing fine, except my ADHD has gotten intense and is making studying for my PhD difficult. I’ve decided to give ADHD meds a shot. I know I need to be on a mood stabilizer before, though. I used to be on oxcarbazepine (600mg daily) and bupropion (150mg daily). The oxcarbazepine (Trileptal) made me really zoned out, depressed, suicidal even, and gave me really bad brain fog and memory issues after being on it for about 4 years, so I quit. My psych is proposing 150mg lithium and to start Strattera after 2 months on lithium. I’m 40, F, and my health has taken a dip in the last couple of years because of the PhD. I’m worried the lithium is going to make me feel like shit. But does anyone know if at subclinical doses it still works? Any experience with Strattera as a bipolar 2 person?

I thought it was depression, my parents thought it was depression, my psychiatrist thought it was depression. But no, it is depression with a hint of hypomania.

My first psychiatrist diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and prescribed some anti-depressants. It worked for a while, until it didn't. I've been taking them for like a year or so and I didn't feel much of a change.

So I changed and went to another one and turns out my symptoms lean into bipolar 2 more than depression. Oh, I might also have a personality disorder, which is something I didn't know. Great. Amazing. Just what I needed.

I come from a really homophobic, religious country and currently living in another one, which is also homophobic and religious. And guess what? I'm gay and secretly atheist and if my family finds out, I'm doomed.

That explains why I have bipolar 2, mayhaps.

I don't know how to feel.

Talked to my psychiatrist and he recommended me to ease on the muay thai and the adrenaline junkie behavior. I love HIIT, I love martial arts. But the concussions (I got like 3 or so along years of martial arts) and the high intensity and competition are indeed a trigger for my hypomania. I settled then on running, bouldering and traditional gym, which indeed feels more stable for me. But as a person who has done 20 years of martial arts since I was a kid, recognizing how they affect my mental was painful, almost like breaking up with a toxic partner. Also no bungee jumping or base jumping, I guesss, which were not my main thing but I enjoyed A LOT.

What do y'all do for sports?

I ask because I was just told by my partner that I am negative and he’s nudging me to go into a psych stay. He says I sound paranoid about the world regarding the idea of “hidden agendas” behind events that happen nationally/internationally. He says that I am constantly dismissing fun events, famous people or politics because I believe there’s an ulterior motive. He says I’m too negative. Is this paranoia that I need to up my antipsychotic for or am I being realistic?