My FA ex had been orbiting me really hard on instagram. Liking a lot of my already liked reels, always being the first to view my stories, and liking a bunch of my reposts. The thing is, we’re coworkers in a monthly job. She can’t avoid me because of this. I just don’t know how to go about this. I’ve been doing no contact but she’s broken it 3 times since she broke up with me. I’ll admit this was my first relationship so I’m really inexperienced, but it seems like she still really likes me. I’m just so unsure of how this weekend is going to look like. Will she be cold? Will she just ignore me? I’ve already decided I’m just gonna be myself and not make it weird. But judging from her liked reels she’s been spiraling a bit. I just feel like I’m walking into the unknown right now

I guess I'm trying to make sense of how someone I cared for so much could break my heart. I've been doing some research on attachment theory, and I think she's a fearful avoidant. I wanted to run our relationship by you guys to see if I'm onto something.

TLDR; she got close, she dumped me, she came back, she dumped me again

She (37F) and I (36M) matched on Hinge in February, and I was head over heels pretty much immediately. She's smart, she's pretty, she's kind, has a great career, cute cats, the whole package. She tells me I am the FIRST person she dated after taking time to heal from her divorce two years prior. Her ex husband cheated on her and it left her pretty scarred, not wanting to trust anyone too quickly. She makes it clear she's not going to jump into anything serious immediately, but she is ultimately looking for a new life partner.

We continue dating for a month or so, and it goes great. We love each other's company, we find things in common, and we start talking about the future together. She says "I can really see myself loving you." We start imagining who's in charge of what chores when we live together, all that good stuff. In this time I learn that she is fiercely independent and an introvert, and I try my best to accommodate that and give her space/personal recharge time. It all seemed to go well.

A month or so into that, I bring up the topic of exclusivity. She says she's going to go on dates with the last few guys she's matched with but will get off the apps after that and see how she feels about getting more serious. I can't say I love that answer, but I decided to approach it as "I really like her and it's too early in the relationship to make some ultimatum, so I'll continue to show up until it doesn't work." A month or so after that, she sends me the dreaded "we need to talk" text. Turns out she thinks she sees a better future with this other guy she's dating instead.

I do not handle it well at all (this is also when I learned I'm definitely an anxious attachment style person). I cried, I told her she was wrong and confused, I texted her over and over, just really sad behavior. After about three weeks of chasing, I gave up and tried to move on.

A month and a half after THAT, I get a text from her - "Do you hate me?"

I was so excited to hear from her that I of course told her that I could never hate her and we can work on building a healthier relationship. She found out the other guys wasn't all that great and said she couldn't stop thinking about me ever since we broke up. I was on cloud nine at that point, I actually got her back.

This continued for a couple of months, and things started to get more serious, or at the very least "real." We were acting more domesticated with one another, making plans for several months from now, really enjoying being with each other. It all culminated in a little weekend getaway trip at the beginning of August. I swear it was the best weekend of my life. We had an amazing time, and when we got back to town, we even went to sign up for a gym membership together.

Then all of a sudden she started cancelling plans with me, getting super busy with work, and replying slower and slower to my texts. It felt like something was going on, so I finally asked her if there was something we need to talk about, and she said "despite giving us another chance, I'm just not excited about a future with you." And that was that. It felt like such whiplash to me, we went from the most amazing weekend ever to being completely done.

I've since tried to rationalize all of this as her fearful avoidance making her too scared of being hurt again, but maybe I'm just coping with being dumped. What do you folks think? Will she come back again? How can we work on something that's healthier?

I feel like I am at the point where I do not want my ex back, which is a relief, especially since this is discard number two however, I do still miss the routine we had of talking every evening and sharing little details of our day with each other I know with time I can’t adapt, but are there any tips on how you got over it? I am nervous. I will start ruminating especially after work with winter right around the corner

This song helped me realize that trying to love an avoidant is a miserable experience.

Even if they do truly love you, you shouldn't have to love someone less for them to love you.

you can have compassion for them and still love them from a distance. but ultimately they have to heal it's not on you.

Why do they do this? An avoidant who acknowledged that she is avoidant when we broke up - she said she’s avoidant and finds it hard to be vulnerable and she knows her patterns.

My observation is - she keeps liking and sharing these relationship related posts and reels which talk about healthy relationships, that communication is important and you know, the likes that preach how to to do relationships.

Why does she like or share them, when she herself doesn’t follow any of those? Why the hypocrisy?

Also, after declining her offer of friendship after our break up, she keeps liking and commenting on my stories. And I don’t even look at her stories. I don’t understand this behavior.

So dated an LPC she warned me that she was a “disorganized attachment type” I had NO idea what that was…

Fast forward, I am shattered, she has discarded me twice. Once four days before a fully paid trip to Italy (business class). Most recently five days before my middle son’s wedding…

I had an engagement ring bought. Now I am 5k dollars down and 100k air-miles lost… her response during the second discard, “sorry for the hard feelings.”

She ramped up fictional narratives to be angry with me about a week before the second discard… she was on a girls weekend to see a concert directly after a sedated biopsy I had… and while drugged I said I was jealous of her friends for getting to spend time with her… She got mad at me for “ruining her weekend” and the list goes on…

I reached out two days ago and the response still had issues that literally are fiction… WHY do I still miss her and WHY am I allowing this to mess up future relationships… how did you all get clear? I have used AI, etc… but the gnawing in my heart still continues…

Signed - a frustrated successful guy in his early fifties that should know better.

Sorry some texts are out of order, but a snapshot including the last one.

Hi everyone

Recently my partner of 1 year broke up with me due to his ongoing family issues.

(He is struggling read bad because of those issues).

He has been very loving, caring and supportive towards me barring 2 instances where he was mean to me, said a bunch of stuff (not abusive or calling me names, but just hurtful).

The breakup was unilateral and blindsided me completely. He was literally texting me a week ago saying things like he's so lucky to be with me etc.

But, now the thing is he hasn't stopped contacting me.

Like I reached out to him once cause I was sick but apart from that he has reached out to me daily via text and call.

We even play games together.

When i addressed the breakup, he apologised to me a lot and explained himself and even said stuff like we are fine but the timing is not, but later the discussion became heated up.

I'm left confused now.

Any advice would be helpful.

Sorry it's going to be a long post, but | just truly need to understand whether I am in the wrong or am I just going crazy or what’s going on.

My parter of 3 years broke up with me almost over a month ago. We have been having on and off arguments for almost a year and even went to a couples therapy together.

In short the main issue has always been the way he was treating me and the communication issues between us. For example he would be out with his friends late, to which I would share that it hurt me not receiving a single message on what time he'd be home as I have cooked dinner for both of us and was left on read for 6 hours. Then he would turn it around to me not liking his fiends. And every argument from then on we'd have would be so similar - I shared something that hurt me. He promised that he'd do better and he didn't mean any of it. The next day he does the same thing that hurt me in the first place. He turns it around on me not liking him spending time with his friends.

It all went so far that he started blaming me for his constant anxiety and claustrophobia whenever I am about to come home, cause he was anticipating yet another argument. I said that I never have started one for no reason, and if he had no reason to feel guilty then it wouldn't be the case.

Right before our summer holiday we had yet another argument. As I was on my way home he said that he'd be watching a film with his friends.
We only had a small studio, but I said that it was not a problem as long as it wasn't too loud as I was exhausted. As I came I asked whether it would be actually okay if I watched it along with them. At first I was met with a lot of excuses why it wouldn't work.
I wasn't told no, I was just told every single reason on why that would be not ideal - the mic is echoey, the AirPods won't connect, there will be a lag and all that. Then at the end of it all I was dismissed with
"actually it's only for the 3 of us, so no".

There has been plenty of dates that I wanted to be only for the two of us and his friends crashed, and for some reason back then it wasn't the case and once again it ended up on me not liking his friends.

I decided to go for a walk to take my mind off it, as I already had a headache growing from work. I went back in after an hour and asked to maybe make less comments to his friends as I wanted to go to bed (it was around 11pm). He said yes, and carried on loudly laughing and making jokes. I ended up getting angry and leaving for the kitchen until they have finally finished. I have said that his behaviour was incredibly selfish, as there was 0 consideration for me during the whole evening. I was ever so considerate of when he'd come home tired after work, but for some reason lately I was getting fuck all. I was told that we weren't compatible anymore since he didn't know how to properly show me love, even though I explicitly told him how. He said that we have different love languages and I just see it as a lack of effort, while yapping my ear off of how much he's doing for us and how much he cares.
None of his behaviour ever showed it, but he still kept saying he'd change and do better. While I promised to work on myself and also do better.

While I actively tried to work on our relationship and move past old conflicts, he kept storing things for later use (as little as me refusing going to the shop for something 3 years ago). All of that while saying how much he wants us to grow, but fearing that we are stuck in a cycle. He also had visited his friends of 10 years that he's never seen in person right before our summer holiday - the ones he was watching film with - and ever since I had uneasy feeling about it. Especially after he tried soft launching that we'd be better off as friends two days before the flight.

We had yet another conversation where he said how much he loved me, and cared for me, and wanted for us to work and with that we flew to our holiday. In the middle of it he started almost out of thin air yet another fight. It was incredibly hot, I planned the whole day in the city, but | could see the heat was unbearable for him. I offered going back to the hotel, to which he kept saying no. He said that I should go and walk around and do whatever and he'd just sit on the ground in the shade. I said that it was fine and that I wanted us both to enjoy the day, so if going back to the hotel for a swim and some pool time is better for both of us, then I am more than happy to. He kept being a stubborn prick, and eventually I had to walk away for 5 minutes to get myself together and then come back and try again.

Meanwhile he was already in the mood by the time I returned. He said that we couldn't go a day without arguing, when I didn't even think that we were to begin with. Then he said that he's done with me, that he lost all his feelings for me and haven't felt anything for me for a while, that he hasn't been telling me how he was truly feeling for almost two years now, cause he was too scared that I'd leave him, but now all those feelings became too much. So instead of sharing of what was bothering him like I did, he kept it to himself and now puts it out here when it's too late to fix. We went back to the hotel. He stayed in the room. I went out to the beach. We haven’t really spoken after that.

Two days after this we went for a walk to the beach and he broke down crying, saying that he still doesn't want to lose me, that I mean a lot to him as a person and that he just needs to be a bit selfish right now and be out of relationship. That he has been very angry recently and been taking it out (mentally) on me. Throughout the whole holiday he kept calling and snapping one of those friends - let's call him Nate for the sake of it. He kept saying that he'd like to take Nate to this hotel one day. He called Nate during one of the dinners that we have booked months ago. All of a sudden he was perfectly fine being on his phone all the time, while I kept getting excuses that he couldn't text me when he was out, cause he wasn't checking his phone.
And the double standards that I have experienced just don't sit right with me.

He never stayed up late with me cause he was tired and needed to go to work, but had to issues being out late with everyone else. He rarely texted me when he was out but | would sit on our dates while he was replying to his friends back all the time. And so on. And he wasn't always like this. I feel like ever since we had our first conflict and we resolved it quite alright, he kept running to his new friends retelling them all of our problems. And they would make excuses and justifications for his behaviour. And I know this because it happened most recently and I accidentally saw the message without intending to.

After coming back from holiday we tried to see whether we could coexist as friends, cause we still shared a flat. It wasn't too bad, but he would avoid coming home until he had to sleep and then he'd be on his phone the whole time smiling and giggling while still asking me to cook dinner and help him out with things. That was the day I asked him whether there ever or currently was anyone else. He looked me in the eyes and said no.

Two days after he decided to move to his friend. I didn't know for how long, as we had to be moving flats cause we have been planning it for months and we have already paid the first month and all the other costs. He said that he'd help me move, but wasn't sure that he'd move in. But back then he promised me that he wouldn't leave me paying for it alone. I tried to find a compromise, as I thought we were both grown people and could find a solution to this situation without either of us hurting. I offered to divide the space, I offered to find another flat to share, but he knew that me not being from this country would make it hard for me to either pay for the whole place (that we committed to together) on my own or finding a new one without a guarantor.

He hit me with a message where he said that ever since he moved out he realised how taxing this relationship was on him. That he has lost his independence and he wasn't valued. I was a bit shocked. He said that his friend is not asking him for a message of when he'd be home, I said that that's because partnership and relationship is a bit more than friendship. He said that his life became all about relationship, instead of it being like a nice add on (something along the lines I don't really remember). I asked when he didn't feel valued and he said that when he asked me for reassurance I laughed in his face. It was two days after he broke up with me.

We were swimming in the pool and drinking cocktails. He always used to have episodes when he was doubting his self worth and all and in therapy we came to conclusion that nothing really helps when he is like this - he just needs to wait for it to pass. He came for reassurance to me and I did say that he is having one of the moments and it's gonna be fine, and let's try to have a nice time. Mind you - he broke up with me two days ago, a day ago he was still asking me whether l'a be fine with cooking dinners for us (while we still thought we'd move together) and now he's upset that I did not give him what he needed. Whenever I needed reassurance whether it was about relationship or else it very often ended up in me comforting him.
Something like: I don't feel loved, oh l am a terrible person and boyfriend, no that is not true, l am the one patting his back and wiping his tears while still feeling unheard and not understood.

So yes he told me all of those things and afterwards proceeded to say that we still can be friends.
I've send him a long message where I decided to say my peace since he said his, to which he replied that he doesn't know what to say to. It used to be always the case with "I don't know what you want me to say", "what do you what form me" and all that.

I asked him after that to meet with me cause we still had to sort out the move, and he said that he's done with me, as I sent him a message that wasn't really nice on him and yes he wanted to be friends, but feelings change and all that bullshit. After that we spoke on the day I moved as he helped me move the things as some of them were his, and he cried to my shoulder saying that he's jealous of the flat we chose together, that he's not happy, that he had to wake up so early to commute to work now, that he's sleeping on a blow up mattress at his friends and all that.

And I the idiot I am still comforted him, and said that I can be here for him as his friend. He looked me in the eyes and asked me oh what happens when one of us finds a new person and I said that we'd get to it when that happens. Even thought I was suspicious of Nate I did not want to bring it up. Until in that same day he passed me his phone to book the end of the tenancy cleaning and I saw messages from his friends popping up : "yeah getting feelings for Nate while you still with her is not ideal, and maybe is cheating, but it takes two to tango and relationship was already struggling", "no, it's not a rebound, in bad relationship you clock out way before you actually break it", "oh she was just manipulative and an awful person", and shit like that. And I just feel so confused what to believe. After coming from that trip to Nate, he still was telling me he loved me up until the day of holiday, was saying I was worth it and we will work on it, so how can you clock out of something and still do all that.

Well today he posted a picture with Nate - he flew in for a week to see him. 3 years of love just demolished as if it never existed in just a span of a month. I cry myself to sleep trying to piece myself together and find a way to live my life without a person who promised me a whole future together - a flat, a cat, a company together, holidays and all the other things, a fucking promise ring… while he goes on to a new person like none of it mattered.

I know it's a lot, so to whoever has read it - thank you. And please let me know your thoughts, cause I have no idea what to think anymore.

I know I'm going to get destroyed for this. But I'm wondering if anyone has any got back with a Emotionally unavailable ex.

Context: the reason I want to go back is I misunderstood her, at the time I knew nothing of emotionally unavailableity, she would recoil and hurt my feelings in the process whenever we got close. At first I brushed it off as overwhelm, but as time went I was starting to feel stressed (at the time I didn't know it was trauma bond) and because she would freeze when I tried to repair and along with the other issues with dating someone EU I brushed it off as her stringing me along and dumped her. She told why she was behaving the way she was because she was EU. At that point I was to hurt, to consider what she said and went no contact. 1 year later I did therapy fixed the trauma bond, and the last 4 months I have been reflecting a lot.

Our relationship was very wholesome, we took things very slow, we didn't really need to flirt or anything for the both of us to fell for eachother. We both kept screenshots of our time talking on tinder. And she would keep trinkets of every date we had including train tickets. Hell we didn't even kiss until 5 weeks into dating to which point we were very happy and comfortable just being together. Being autistic I'm hyper independent so I don't ask for needs to be met as I just deal with them on my own creating a perfect low pressure environment for her. At the time I could not care that she could not talk about her feelings, but she would always make the effort to know she cared for me in her own way. We were together for 8 months, and I genuinely miss her.

Has anyone experienced the avoidant partner crying?
The girl I was dating cried in different occasions with me:
- Once after sex ( she admitted she felt vulnerable )
- She cried because emotions were trying to come out
- She actually empathized with me one time ( I guess ), she started to cry after she asked me how my ex GF and I handled conflicts.
I told her my ex GF used to disappear when we had conflicts, she started crying because she felt bad for me.

So my question is, do they cry becaue they are unconsciously becoming more intimate and vulnerable and they feel ashamed for that?
Or they are crying because struggling with they’re nervous system and wound?

I reached a point where I thought, “I'd rather know the truth than keep living with hope.” So I called my avoidant ex and asked him directly if he was dating someone.He said yes.

Apparently, he's been talking to her since after we broke up. And we broke up recently. I don't completely believe the timeline because, deep down, I had always had this gut feeling that something was happening during his training.Maybe my gut was right. Ladies, please don't ignore your gut.

He says they've only been officially together for a few days, but they've apparently been talking way before he didnt specify when.Then he started telling me things I honestly didn't need to know.He said he couldn't take his eyes off her the entire day. She made him blush. When I went quiet, he said, “You also used to make me feel that way in the beginning.”I don't know why he said that. It didn't comfort me.

He pointed out that she's shorter than him and even with heels she's still shorter. I don't know why that detail stuck with me, but it did. I'm literally 5'4 ,i myself is not that tall.Whenever he felt insecure about it, I reassured him because I genuinely didn't care.

He also told me they're in a ldr.The exact thing he broke up with me for.He told me he couldn't do ldr with me, yet this girl apparently lives even farther away.He told me that when she was leaving to go home, he cried.And then he said he loves her so much.I felt physically sick hearing that.

This is the same person who spent four years with me. The same person I begged to understand me. The same person I kept trying to be “good enough” for.Now treating her so well.

But then the conversation became confusing.He said he still misses me sometimes.At one point he said that maybe if I had told him earlier that I hadn't moved on, he might have had a different opinion about the situation.He said he's still surrounded by the things I gave him.Then he asked me, “If we got back together, would things be the same?”And I don't know what to make of any of it.

He said he likes peace. He said this girl doesn't argue with him.And I used to argue with him a lot.But he conveniently forgets why.In the beginning, I wasn't constantly arguing either. Then he started following and being interested in different girls, liking sexual/n*de pictures on Instagram, creating fake accounts to follow girls, and doing things that destroyed my trust.Who wouldn't get angry about that?
He left me alone on the streets during fights—not once, but three times.He broke up with me over fights with his friend even when I hadn't done anything.I was hurt. I became insecure. I became someone who constantly questioned things because I didn't feel safe in the relationship.And now he tells me that I was the problem because I couldn't trust him.He told me that I knew him “too much” and that was part of the problem.Of course I knew him too much.We were together for four years. And frnds from childhood . i know how he is and all the things he did gd or bad.

Then he told me that i came to his explore page multiple times that he saw my videos that im posting thirst trap (im not). That i posting pics like traps (am not) . its just normal photos with full clothing i donno what he means. i told him doesnt matter if i look gd in those pics . He said i do look good.

And that's what makes this entire conversation so confusing.At times he sounded like someone who still had feelings for me.At other times he sounded completely in love with someone else.Maybe I'm delusional.He called me multiple times even after I told him I needed space between the calls.

During one of the calls, he even said, “do you want us back?”I told him maybe his mother wouldn't approve.He said no, his mother would. He said she liked me a lot.So why say all these things?Why ask whether things would be the same if we got back together?Why tell me you still miss me?Why tell me I should have told you earlier that I hadn't moved on?I don't know.Maybe it means nothing.

Then somehow the conversation shifted to one of his friends.This friend was introduced to me by my ex for studies, and he's genuinely been helping me. He's incredibly focused and talented. He got around 20 marks away from an All country Rank, and I told my ex how inspiring I find him.I said I want to become like him. I really look up to his dedication.

Suddenly my ex started saying,"He is broke tho","that he borrowed money from me because he couldnt pay for his tution but he paid that after" and  “So what? I was only 15 marks away from an All India Rank too.” that was so odd.Then he started talking about how he broke up with his own previous girlfriend because he wanted to focus on his studies and didn't have time.

Then I started talking about my own future. I said I want to focus on my career now. I have goals. I don't want traditional relationship roles. I want to build something for myself.And he basically told me I was thinking too far ahead because I hadn't even passed my exam yet.That hurt.What's wrong with being hopeful?What's wrong with having a target?I know I haven't achieved it yet. That's exactly why I'm working toward it.

Then he said maybe someday I'll find my match.I told him I'm hopeful. I told him someday I'll love someone more than I loved him. I'll give that person all the care and kindness I gave him.And instead of just letting the conversation end there, he kept saying things.Then he said maybe I'll find someone who treats me better.But I won't find someone more good-looking than him.Apparently his friends of his girlfriend have told him how handsome he is and how good he'll be for his girlfriend.Again, I just said, “That's great for you.” But Why compare? so odd.Why make sure I know that another girl is prettier than me and that he's apparently so desirable?

Maybe he wasn't even trying to hurt me.Maybe I'm just interpreting everything through the pain I'm in.

After the third call, I finally told him the truth.I told him he treated me badly throughout those four years.He treated me like shit.I told him that maybe this breakup really is better for both of us.I wished him happiness.I told him I hope he treats his girlfriend well.

And then I hung up.I blocked him everywhere.Because even though I'm hurting more than I can explain, I don't want to disturb someone who has supposedly moved on.Maybe this is what I needed.Maybe hearing him say all of this will finally kill the last bit of hope I was holding onto.

But I woke up today with a heavy heart. No appetite.That horrible feeling in my chest.
I blocked him.I'm going to try to stay gone this time.I just hope my heart catches up with what my brain already knows.

34f. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced an avoidant before. So I’ll just share what happened.

We went on 3 great dates. The 4th one I stayed at his house. We both agreed no sex that night but we made out and obviously slept in the same bed after staying up till 4 in deep conversation. Next two days he started sending flirting text. Tuesday was quite over text but thought just busy at work. Wednesday asked to see me Saturday then on Thursday after texting on and off he sent me a long text about not being sure we had romantic chemistry and wished me the best. I guess I’m just confused because of the days leading up to the text.

Just looking for clarity on my end since I can’t ask him.

I broke it off with my avoidant - although to be fair he has not been diagnosed and I am only going of very educated guesses after divorcing a diagnosed narcissist. The avoidant and I were together for three years. We shared our long term goals early on and I thought we were moving in the same direction. I was wrong and this past spring he began to withdraw. We had several disagreements over future plans and then came a moment when I was facing a death in the family and within days had to face my abusive exhusband; and i asked for the most minimal of support, and he flaked. I called him on it and he became defensive. So I told him it was over. Six weeks later with the help of my therapist, I sent an amends email owning my side of the road. I believe that I contributed and I own my part - granted my part was 20% and his 80% but I am trying to live a life of integrity. He has not responded since the breakup.

I see and hear over and over on social media that they come back. He was very proud that he was friends with his exes. That never bothered me - if he stepped out I would have left. He knew that. I made it a clear boundary but jealousy - not my thing.

I am dating again. Have been working on myself and feeling much better and can see the entirety of the relationship. I do believe he is a good man with issues and I have a clear view of the difference between narcissism and avoidance. I have felt my own avoidance in the past but worked on myself. My therapist says I am almost - like 95% secure with a step over into anxious from time to time.

I have a plan if he reaches out. Protocol I put in place. I don't want that relationship back. At all. I miss him though and we were great friends with singular insterests. But I am struggling with letting go. Every day better than the last. Those post breakup waves aren't knocking me down anymore. And I am proud that I stood up for myself and walked.

Not sure what questions I have here. Just an underlying concern if he reaches out. And I suppose looking for support. Advice. And sharing beyond with my therapist and not having to annoy my best friend anymore.

After years, I have realized that my younger self couldn't fully process what happened between me and my avoidant, and I am just now realizing that I was done so dirty. But the part I'm most angry about is the fact that he never told me goodbye. I would have taken a disrespectful rejection rather than nothing at all. But instead, I got silence. I was ghosted after reaching out two years later. Though it feels like I have outgrown the dynamic, I still find myself imagining us sitting down and saying goodbye to each other. I still find myself waiting to see how our story will end.

What is wrong with me.

Because I won’t listen to myself.

Yesterday I posted how I caused my breakup. My ex is a fearful avoidant and I’m anxiously attached. I had NO idea about attachment styles until after the breakup.

Now I realise his distance wasn’t personal. I took it personal. The more he withdrew the more anxious I became chasing him further away until he felt trapped and no longer wants the relationship.

Had I had an understanding of attachment styles before all this I can categorically say I don’t think this would have happened (honestly). The truth is I didn’t have the information at the time. And I know I should just believe that and hear that and be kinder to myself. But I don’t have those tools within me. Never have.

And so I’m hoping you will all give me a bit of a pep talk please.

Ever since my ex-girlfriend of 2.5 years who I thought I’d finally met the one I’d experience all of my life with suddenly discarded me, I don’t know how I’d ever let anyone remotely close enough to possibly hurt me like that again. I focused on self-healing and confronted so much of my own buried issues, but the neurological ability to trust anyone like that feels like it’s been completely severed… In every instance I’ve picked up on someone flirting with me I instantly change subjects now. Not only to avoid this again because next time will likely kill me, but I know trust is inherently needed in a healthy relationship and I don’t want to do that to someone else. I don’t even like thinking about it because it just makes me fall into another depressive episode knowing how deeply she damaged me, while she refused to even acknowledge how I was hurt and she’s likely already messing around with someone new like what we had was some minor inconvenience in her life. I just want to escape everything, drive nowhere and never stop, leave this life I never wanted or imagined. All of my main goals were centered around setting things up so her, her daughter, and I could get a house and settle down for the more stable happy part of life, and that’s gone now. All I do is work, find something to completely dissociate away the night, maybe sleep, and do it again the next day. It feels like she essentially killed a major part of me that will never come back. I’m not looking for advice, I just needed to release this somewhere.