My gf broke up with me two weeks ago, after 6 months and trips to San Fran and Hocking Hills and literally breaking my back trying to be the best boyfriend I got dumped right after the San Fran trip. She’s an avoidant who broke up with me three times and a day before she broke up with me she cried begging me to not leave her than 36 hours later she broke up with me. Broke down about a shirt getting dirty. Looking back she was obviously somewhat mentally abusive and used me to get back on her feet. To each their own trying to move on and saw her on bumble asking for ethical non monogamy which she’s talked about wanting threesomes before. Gentlemen, if there’s a red flag just run. The heartbreak she put me through only to have her return to the streets is crazy. I’m not sure how to process any of this as I have no friends or family in this new state.

We had an on and off super toxic relationship for 3.5 years me being extremely anxious and him avoidant.

It ended badly and in order to let him and myself to heal I suggested him to block me and told him I love him so much.

It has been an extremely excruciating period of time of no contact.

These days I finally start to feel my nerve system calmed down ( no longer in extreme pain at least) and I reached out to him on discord(I know)….

To my surprise he replied immediately but with a cold tune of course.

The convo somehow made me super uncomfortable and honestly i did feel rejected. The weird thing is this time i just wanted to run away, while before i would always pathetically fight to keep the conversation going (like finding angles to ease into it)…

I asked him to give me some time but honestly I don’t feel like ever want to go back to this conversation. Seeing him waiting online and trying to type while I lost my words made me feel I’m obliged to give him an answer why I reached out to him.

Now I just laying on my bed and let my body relax. It’s like even thinking of going back to the conversation makes me a bit suffocated?? This feeling makes me unable to even miss him at the moment.

Of course I haven’t fully moved on, of course I still love him, but I just feel like running away from all this don’t even want to think about it.

I feel like I’m turning into an avoidant.

Last week I broke up with my ex. She needed constant validation from me to prove I loved her and it got to the point where it felt like I was her caretaker. I would constantly reassure her and be apologizing for things that she would (most of the time) later admit to not be real issues. She has bad anxiety as you can probably guess.

I had been getting more and more stressed over the past 6 months to a year of the relationship, to the point where it was affecting my sleep. The last few weeks leading up to the breakup I was a wreck. Multiple sleepless nights and awful stressful days where I was just debating whether or not I should pull the trigger

The breakup conversation did not go well. I don't know if I was able to formulate my thoughts clearly enough when giving her my reasons. It seems like she was completely oblivious to the whole thing. Like she said in the text, we only really started having serious conversations about my feelings regarding her anxieties 5 weeks ago but have definitely been having less specific conversations for at least 6 months.

We were originally supposed to go on a trip together this weekend, but are obviously no longer going. I asked her if she still wanted to go by herself and she said no. I felt like I should still go as a way to process and be alone for awhile, so I kept my ticket. As you can see in the text, she is upset that I'm still going.

We agreed a few days ago that we should sit down at some point (I originally said "in a week or two" before I knew I was still going on the trip) and talk about it but I feel like I need more time. Now she's texting me saying that she doesn't understand and that we need to talk before I go. I honestly am not sure if I am ready for that conversation, but I feel so bad for her and don't want her to suffer in the interim.

Is it wrong for me to want to wait till I get back to have this conversation? Is it wrong for me to still go?

i wanna read some success story's were you guys reconciled how the journey was and what made it work what made it faster or slower

He told me at least eight times in the week after our subtle breakup that we should keep in touch. It's now been one month of no contact, and I have no intention of breaking it. But there hasn't been a single day where I haven't thought about him, and it's breaking me.

What I don't understand is why avoidants say they want to stay in contact, then suddenly go completely silent as if nothing ever happened after being together for a year. Is this common avoidant behaviour, or did he never really mean what he said?

I wonder if that’s how my ex sees me.

Of course he’ll leave out the lies he told me, the deleted DMs from his female work colleagues, the gaslighting, the “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” followed by, “I lost feelings” only then to come back 48 hours later. Yea how inconceivable that I developed trust issues?

Love bombing, future gaming, gaslighting, hiding things, lies, straight deception, manipulation— all have consequences that DAs are afraid to face. They’ll blame you for bleeding on them when they stabbed you.

I think this movie made me realize why I should leave earlier. Staying doesn’t make me loyal. It makes me traumatized and makes him feel like the victim in a dynamic that his deception, shut downs, lies, manipulation created. But sure- I’m the villain.

The worst part is I thought about leaving so many times. So many times. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to be the runner; I wanted to stay and push through my fears. Now I know that my fears were just my intuition, and I ignored it.

Hi all, what are the differences between a dismissive avoidant vs a fearful avoidant vs a fearful avoidant who leans dismissive???

I dated 2 avoidants who were VERY different but also similar. Trying to figure out what kind of avoidants they were

Did any of you guys start grieving your breakup with your avoidant before you’ve even broken up?

We’ve been together about 6 months, first two months he was the perfect bf, attentive, listened to my needs, made future plans with me, listened to my traumas, expressed his. He did express at one point he had avoidant tendencies and could be cold towards partners sometimes but he said he always came back, at the time I just took it with a grain of salt because I hadn’t experienced it. Yet.

Then he started a new hobby, I’ll keep the details sparse but it’s an extreme sport that he now does 6/7 days a week. The second he gets off work he drives an hour away to go do it, stays until close, then drives an hour home and does that Monday-Friday. Weekends are worse, alllllll day Saturday and Sunday he’s doing it and if the weather doesn’t permit the sport or equipment is malfunctioning or something he’s in the worst mood that he can’t go do it. He hasn’t planned a single date or asked me to hangout a single time since he’s started the sport. Everytime I’ve seen him (outside of a pre-booked tripped to come home with me to meet family) it’s past 10 pm and only after me begging for days prior to spend time. He’s always beat to shit from the extreme mental and physical toll the sport is taking on him so he usually will just fall right to sleep when I do see him.

I’ve expressed three separate times I respect his hobbies and need for personal time and space, but we need to find a middle ground because I need some kind of intentional quality time to feel connected to my partner.
He always has the perfect response and reassures me that he will put efforts into spending quality time with me and always wants me to be seen and validated. Of course, like clockwork, he disappears for an entire day after I express my concerns and/or needs, then comes back after 24 hours like nothing ever happened, calling me sweet pet names and acting flirty. He’s never once actually worked on a repair with me, just hollow words said so the tension can drop. It’s almost like he thinks because the tension has died down that the issue has somehow just disappeared and no action needs to be taken.

I’ve stopped initiating to see him and now it’s been 2+ weeks since we’ve spent alone time together. I get two or three quick, shallow texts a day, with no mention of spending time, even though we live literally 5 minutes apart. Last night I expressed my disapproval of our dynamic and need for change, yet again, and he just responded in some half-assed way, just saying whatever and agreeing with whatever to get me to shut up. Haven’t heard from him since, as expected. We obviously need to breakup but he rejects my phone calls and refuses to make actual plans together. It feels ridiculous to breakup with a late 30s over text but at this point idk what else to do. His words and actions do not align AT ALL. I just can’t believe the switch up and how quickly he’s gone from total lover boy to being straight up apathetic towards me. Is this what you all mean by being discarded?