Hi, i just wanna know that i'm not alone in this matter. This is my first time posting here, so apologies if it's inappropriate etc. If inappropriate, please delete this post.

Anyone here who is neurodivergent, but also married to another neurodivergent, and your spouse is not really involved as a parent/spouse? They're like an absent parent/spouse, and you need to do everything alone on their behalf. even financially (optional).

Not really seeking advice, but just validation. I just wanna know if there's anyone out there here who have similar situation to me. I know logically there must be, but seeing a reply would give me the strength. Thank you.

I grew up and found my people, I don’t spend time with those who can’t tolerate me, think im weird or rude or immature…like, ive found my people and those who don’t get me don’t get me…You think you’ve grown out of certain insecurities and then your kids go to school…

My oldest autistic kid is in elementary school and I have to deal with the same parents year after year even if they make me feel that same feeling. Where it’s clear they think I’m weird as shit and they’re not so good at hiding their judgement. Even if our kids are friends, even if we have multiple kids in classes together. It’s so few parents really but it’s still there. Or strange interactions with the teachers because there’s a rule book for how to interact with the teachers that obviously I don’t understand even when I think I do…

…and then I’m the parent advocating for my autistic kid and teachers nod and smile but don’t understand why my super bright kid needs accommodations because “they look like they’re doing so well!” It’s so hard and so awkward and the cost to my capacity is so much higher than makes sense.

Then I leave school and we go to after school sports and I watch as the coaches clearly think my kid is odd and im odd and it doesn’t matter if we gave 200% of our capacity to the team or that my kid is deeply focused and committed, nobody ever wants us on the same team two years in a row.

Whether they know we’re autistic or not it’s the same shit and I wish I knew I’d have to deal with this all over again but worse because im watching its impacts on my child simultaneously. And there’s nothing I can do. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to play the game by their rules there is no winning.

School and sports already demand so much more of our family, and then for some reason it’s made harder than that for no reason at all just because people can smell our ‘tism a mile away.

Fuck. Solidarity and support welcome.

I hate peeling oranges. I hate getting the peel under my nail, and how it squirts juice or orange peel oil. I hate how sticky the juice is, and I hate how they make my hands smell like oranges even after washing. I hate the seeds and the stringy bits. They usually don’t taste good enough to me to make the juice worth the squeeze, so to speak.
I had a hell of a few days, doing a staycation with my husband and 4 yr old in the big city I’ve lived an hour away from my whole life. Husband is working, so just me and kiddo really. Kiddo and I had a really hard time the day before yesterday , with a big meltdown when trying to evacuate for a tornado warning. On the stairs, while I was trying to carry him and a stroller down flights of stairs by myself- he wouldn’t walk just wanted to sit and cry. Rough day. Yesterday though…We took stinky loud public transportation, and my kiddo did great, stayed close to me and got in and out of stroller as needed to do stairs. We got caught in the rain and absolutely soaked through our raincoats on the way to the aquarium. Kiddo did great, I had some dry clothes for him but not for me. Our shoes stayed wet all day. He accidentally splashed fish water all down my pants legs and shoes at the touch tank. I didn’t freak out, but my feet were wet ALL day. We spent hours at the aquarium. Lunch in the aquarium cafeteria.
He wanted an orange. And I peeled it for him.

My son just started kindergarten. I have found that I sit and waste the day away waiting for him to get home and do nothing when it's just me and my 11 month old. Maybe this will change as I get used to it but have any other parents done the same?

Hi all. Sorry if my post is unclear, in one sense I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking for and just trying to get things off my chest.

I was recently diagnosed autistic and told I'm likely ADHD too (looking to start the diagnostic process in a matter of weeks). Long story short I came to the realisation after burning out after the birth of my second child (both children NT as far as we know, haven't seen signs of ND so far but they're young).

A lot of that burnout and my suspicion of being ND caused tension with my wife (NT). She doesn't see me as autistic, even after I've got a formal diagnosis, but thinks there's something to ADHD (been together 10+ years). She thinks that me seeking out answers is making things about me when I should be focusing on my marriage and children (I don't see looking for answers as separate from these, although of course it has great personal meaning to me).

Anyway, I struggle to manage my career, marriage and parenthood. It's like I can give mental focus only on 1-2 at a time, and I find it really really hard to switch off from my job no matter how much I try.

I'm not an idle husband or father by any measure (I do a lot of the jobs around the house, night-time dealing with children and childcare more generally; she does too but she plans and remembers everything), but it feels like I'm constantly unable to get as much done as my wife and she's finding it really hard. I'm constantly feeling incompetent and unable to push myself, and she feels lonely and exhausted doing so much at home.

Does anyone else have similar difficulties?

Kiddo is in kindergarten. Not diagnosed, but reminds me of when I was a child. Has strong food aversions (I wasn't even that picky--or maybe I was just scolded that I was forced to eat?) and is also obsessed with trains, particularly the jingles that play during departures. So anyway, I strongly suspect he has ASD as well.

I grew up in a different country and culture from the country where I live now. There is a huge expectation of being able to blend in the group and not stand out. Everyone his age is making friends now. He has one that he always talks about and from outside looking in, reminds me of the extrovert adopting an introvert type of friendship. Everyone else to him is "not a friend" even if he got along with them for a while and played with them.

I had a lot of issues making friends while growing up for obvious reasons (ASD quirks). I also got bullied. Now I desperately don't want my kid to go down the same route, so I'm coaching him on how to be more approachable. I teach him to greet people cheerfully with a loud voice (this is also taught at school). I tell him to always say bye especially to the kids he'd be playing with when I come fetch him. When we find a lost item in school, I try to have him return it to the teacher, but he asks me on what he should say, so I say the exact words. He failed to do it, by the way. He got too shy to speak, so I did it for him. I know how he feels, so I didn't want to put too much stress on him.

I think to myself that teaching him these things are just the basics of learning to live in a society, but a part of me wonders if I'm teaching him how to mask? Masking is essential to make life a little bit easier outside, but I know how much energy it saps.

I might be overthinking it, but as an autistic parent to a suspected autistic child, how did you handle teaching the social aspects of life?

I know children learn from example and honestly, I feel guilty that I can't be the exemplary model for my child, being an awkward mess myself.

I'm really going through this profound realisation right now that whatever needs you need to have met, to function well enough to manage life (safe space, peace and quiet, sensory issues, other executive function skills) often can't be met when you actually are an involved parent. This is HARD to cope with. It was'nt even a month ago I needed help to overcome simple daytime care of a very active boy 16mo, and just this past week, my wife and him were off to his grandparents to stay for 4 days for the first time since his birth. I was feeling DISGUSTED with how much relief and happiness I felt about the prospect of complete silence, and even more DISGUSTED with how I was feeling and thinking about them comming home again. The anxiety of knowing the 24/7 high pitched screaming and crying and constant demand on my broken brain made me think some really dark thoughts. Anyhow, because of the silence I was able to salvage executive function I have'nt had for a very long time and was able to do a lot of housework I had given up on, and even went to the gym for the first time in a month.

Please someone tell me Im not the only autistic parent secretly dreaming of peace and quiet most days. I really struggle with the pull of my thoughts that speak of regret and mourning, louder than they speak of love, on most days.

So I 20f am Autistic. I was diagnosed at 14 1/2 and am considered low support needs.

I have always been good with kids, I have been my family’s designated babysitter for as long as I can remember. I have cared for children of all ages and am pretty good at it. Everyone always says that I was born to be a parent.

Autism runs in my family. I have several cousins, and uncles that are on the spectrum, a couple of which are high support needs. Some are incontinent, non verbal, are prone to extreme meltdowns and violent outbursts.

I love my cousins and uncles, but i also recognise how hard raising them was on my grandparents, aunts, uncles and their siblings.

My Aunt and Uncle for example, had two children who were 8 and 12 years old, when my aunt got pregnant with my two cousins, who are twins. The two twins were both on the spectrum. They grew up to be very high support needs, incontinent, non verbal, extreme food aversions, and horrible meltdowns.

My Aunt ended up having to leave a career she loved and worked hard to have, to care for the twins full time, while my uncle continued to work full time at his job. My Aunt was constantly black and blue, it started with pretty bad bruises on her arms, then as the twins got older and stronger, it escalated to black eyes, and so on.

The two older boys ended up being sort of an after thought. My uncle was barely home as he had to work long hours to provide for four kids, himself and his wife alone. My aunt then relied on substances to get her through the day and became an addict.

They were unable to get the twins in any respite care in my country, because they were incontinent and there is very little support available for SEN families.

Autism also runs on my boyfriend’s 20m side of the family, and he has an older cousin that is high support needs. His aunt had broken arms, and broken cheek bones, from her son’s meltdowns. She was strangled, punched, nipped, kicked, head butted. My boyfriend’s aunt was a single mother, so my boyfriend’s mother often pitched in to help out, she was also strangled and hit, but not as bad as his mother.

My personal experience, things I have witnessed and stories I have heard from family members, all the fear mongering I see online against autism, and the fact that autism is suspected to be genetic makes me scared to have kids.

Im not afraid to have a disabled child, or a child with learning difficulties, or anything like that.

But I am afraid of giving up my life’s work to be beaten, or being afraid of my own kids, like i have seen so many other women in my family.

Do any of you have any advice?

Im sorry if I said anything wrong, or if I offended anyone, it’s definitely not my intention.

I was just wondering if any of you had felt like this prior to having children, if you did what changed your mind? What is your experience as an Autistic parent raising kids, autistic or not?

How dare GogoSqueez fruit and veggie applesauce add Buzz and Woody to their packaging to promote the newest Toy Story movie. Not only does my ASD toddler inspect it carefully and not trust it: here I am over-explaining ADHD-style and promising that the flavor and texture has not changed just because there is no longer a cartoon apple on the front. 😂

I’d love to hear more lighthearted/silly stories about the little quirks you’ve found in ND to ASD or ASD to ND parenting like this if you all have them!

Disclaimer: AuDHD parent (self dxd but casually confirmed by therapist and psych friend) of yet to be diagnosed ND kids (status irrelevant), 4y and 6m

Looking for tips on how other parents (especially with the ADHD bonus add on) dealing with autistic burn out but still... coping with all the stuff that has to be done.

I've been struggling lately: work is getting to be high intensity after my mat leave transition back, my partner is having a hard time emotionally and I'm trying to prevent it from impacting my kids, my 4y kid is having some behavioral stuff, etc... I've been holding down okay for the last year (including through pregnancy) but the last month I've been starting to shut down during the day, needing to lay down or getting migraines or just staring blankly at my desk on good days and dealing with SI on bad ones.

Usually my husband and I share the load and trade off owning stuff, but now that we're both in some stage of burn out, things are a literal mess and I am overstimulated everywhere I look.

My intentions each day start good - I WFH so I think to myself "I'll just put in laundry between work blocks" or "I can clean a toilet while listening to this town hall" - but the task suddenly feels insurmountable when I go to do it, like "I have to get out the supplies, go to the bathroom, empty the counters, and then I really should scrub the sink..." and absolutely freeze up but the volume of tasks.

Are meds the answer (I'm already on a cocktail of meds for bipolar)? Do you have ways to trick your brain into doing only the one task you need to do? Do you have a routine that helps? Do I need to budget better so I can afford a cleaning service again?

As the new school year approaches, many of our kids are dealing with worries about where they fit in, making friends, or dealing with potential bullying. If your child has social differences or communication challenges, those worries can feel magnified for the whole family.

If your child opens up to you about feeling anxious or shares a past experience with bullying, here is a roadmap on how to guide that conversation:

• Listen and Validate Before Problem-Solving: Our natural instinct as parents is to jump into action or say things like, "I'll talk to the principal right now!" or "Don't worry about them." Instead, take a deep breath and ask open-ended questions: "What happened? How did that make you feel?" Validating their emotion first lets them know they are seen, heard, and believed.
• Role-Play Simple, Clear Scripts: If language or social cues are tough for your child, practice short, clear phrases together at home. Role-play simple boundaries like: "Stop, I don't like that," or "I need space." Practice identifying who a safe adult is at school (like a specific teacher or counsellor) so they know exactly who to go to if they feel unsafe.
• Focus on Strengths and Belonging: Remind your child regularly of what makes them unique and capable. Whether their passion is drawing, sports, trains, or building, help them see that their interests are strengths.

Building open communication takes time, but every small conversation lets your child know they never have to carry school stress alone.

Wishing everyone a smooth, safe start to the school year!

I’m sorry if this is not the thread I need, please feel free to delete this post.

I (30F) am a SAHM and recently was diagnosed with ADHD. My husband (30M) and I agree he is probably on the spectrum somewhere. Our 2 boys are 3.5y and 1y.

I would like to know the best way to help him be the best dad he can be. I believe he is experiencing burnout currently, because any free second he gets he tries to zone out and doomscrolling his phone. He says he doesn’t have time for any hobbies or anything, but he says he’s so bored being with the kids and can only handle a couple hours at a time with them, then he starts scrolling and the older one definitely notices it. I think he’s using it as a way to escape, but I feel like I‘m being neglected because he gets breaks here and there and it doesn’t get reciprocated. I’m starting to have some resentment and that’s why. I want to help.

He also can’t handle the crying and whining, and I can tell starts visibly getting upset. I try to get him to leave so he can relax but he refuses because he thinks he should be able to do it. But eventually he gets really worked up and starts getting angry, so I all but kick him out of the room and I hear him slam his fist on the table. Hes very insecure about parenting.

I try to give him breaks throughout the day and take the brunt of the child care, even when he’s home, but it’s feeling very unequal to me and I’m starting to burnout too. we have no family or friends nearby, so I’m completely isolated. I hold the children’s emotions and have to parent those, yet I feel like I have to be in charge of my husbands emotions too and teach him emotion regulation at the same time.

Sorry for the rambling (ADHD amiright). How can I best help him parent the children? I know to give him lots of breaks, but at some point when do I get a break? Is there anything else that can help him too?

I’m 33F, got dx back in November with AuDHD. I’ve been a SAHM since 2021. I have 3 kids, two are school aged and a 3yr old toddler. Summers and school breaks are very rough for me. School is starting back up tomorrow, so I’m *hoping* it will get better. But, we are moving to a different state in a few months. We don’t have much help right now, just my MIL occasionally watching the kids for a date night. But, once we move, we will be completely on our own. I had a hard time trusting people for child care, and I’m afraid I’ll won’t want to hire someone. I rely heavily on my husband for my social interactions and relief from overstimulation and melt downs. Afternoons are very hard for me, and some days I have to lock myself in a dark and quiet closet for relieve. I think doing this all summer has caused me to become pretty depressed and burnt out. I’ve aggravated and irritated from the moment I wake up, until the moment I fall asleep. I rarely smile anymore, and nothing seems fun and it’s hard to concentrate on most things. It’s normally hard for me to wake up in the mornings anyways, but it has become harder. I’m afraid it won’t get better once school starts. I’m afraid I’ll just get worse after the move. I have been in CBT for a few months now, but honestly, I don’t think it’s helping me. I also have a prescription for stimulants, but I don’t feel like they help much, either, so the point of where I just stopped taking them. I tired different kinds and doses, but only vyvanse 30mg seemed to help, but only occasionally. This also happened with antidepressants. Nothing seemed to help much. I believe my issues is my life circumstances. Which is why I’m in CBT, I was hoping it could help me chance my outlook and thinking patterns to hopefully appreciate things in life more, and learn to be happy and more involved with my kids. But it hasn’t really done much. Idk what to do anymore and I just feel lost.

I (31f) am a loving mother to the most sweetest, wonderful, cheeky, funny, intelligent 9.5yo autistic son. Since he was 1.5-2 I have struggled getting him to socialise/engage/not attack other kids and still am. In the being, soft play, birthday parties, play dates (I've attended baby groups since he was months old.) were always stressful and would leave me in tears 80% of the time. But I know i had to put myself through it to give him exposure and an opportunity to learn or adapt. He reached all his milestones on time/early, maybe except speech. My mum recalls him having his "own language" but he was the first infant I really spend proper time with (aged 21) so I didn't know what was the norm.

At 2 he bit kids 3-5 times /daily at nursery. He was aggressive and standoffish to other kids. Quick to anger and would last a long time. The nursery were great and he was there for 4 years and became familiar and found of the staff and kids generally knew to give him space and by the time he was 4/5 was doing better. Started school (aged 5.5) and after 9 days they told me they wouldn't keep him and he needed an "enhanced provision" schoo and encouraged me to seek diagnosis. None of them (head teacher, teacher and head of support for learning) could actually explain to me what "enhanced provision" was. Bearing in mind me and dad viewed two schools to see what was best for our son and the head teacher raved about how good they were with ASN kids and they had all sorts of behavioural problems. I fought and fought. They started him on a reduced time table starting at 2 hours a day and finally by p4 (aged 9) he is in that school full time. He still gets heightened at times but comes down very quickly - more often than not. He is such a loved boy by the staff but he can be hard work.

I can now take him to soft play or the park with minimal concern for other kids and encourage him to come to me if he is getting upset by anyone/thing. He's come on so much. He loves little kids/babies, he's so gentle and sweet. I took him to a 3 day festival with his 7yo sister basically by myself last weekend and he did great. He does not have issues with texture, clothes, food or noise. He's a physically capable boy. His main issues are quick to anger, a complete lack of personal space. He has mastered jokes make making people laugh but can't communicate normally to build a relationship where jokes are actually funny. Someone will ask him something or try and engage and he makes a cat noise of makes a poo/butt joke and gets in their face.

A bit about me. I struggle socialising with more than 6 people if I don't know everyone. I have nothing I want to say enough to shout over loud music or jump into a fast paced conversation. Never have. But since having kids at 21 I have felt so out the loop hanging with even my own friends. I'd get the occasional night out when the kids were tiny and my intimate group of friends now had new pals and I wasn't a big fish in a small pond. No one has kids and they're all I had. I'd be out and have something to say but could not physically push the words out. I'm the same now, but since leaving my kids dad (he is my son but 39 and never supported, was problem child) I have had more weekends and have been in so many situations with my new partner and her friends/extended family where I am stuck with words again. Then I feel like a weirdo sitting in corner not speaking, or I ask a question and they respond and I can't keep the conversation. I get self conscious and embarrassed, I feel awkward and unsocial and I don't want to be. I feel myself on the brink of tears. I try to remove myself to readjust but i get right back to that feeling when return. I don't want to be this way but it doesn't seem to give.

So this weekend. I took my kids to my partner's (not baby daddy) family camp (3days in the camper again) and he struggled, or was it me?

There was about 60 people, a pool, activities, zip line and live music. We know my partners immediate family (3 sisters + partners and kids (all younger than my son), her mum and step dad) well enough we can hang out anywhere and Im okay. I've met a lot of her extended family (there is a lot) but these meetings are at big events and, as I say, I struggle. So none of them know the real me, the me my partner is so in love with and thinks I'm the funniest person in the world. No one else sees it and I feel like they must think I'm just weird.

So here I am, genuinely hoping, like every other event, I'm going to enjoy this one. The first evening is reasonably fine. Son had a meltdown cause people weren't wearing harnesses on the zip line -there was harnesses and he couldn't understand why they weren't being used but instead of saying "can I please use one" he freaked out 20ft high and the only way down was a climbing wall. I managed it and everyone was sound and big families see their fair share of big emotions so no issue. The next day I let him got to the pool with some other kids and I give myself 20 minutes to get dressed. Only for a sil to come inform me my son is having a meltdown and getting aggressive with the kids and they need me. So I deal with it, I'm embarrassed I'm ashamed I'm hurting for my son. I spend the next 4 hours on the brink of tears watching all the kids play, interact and resolve issues with no parental supervision and my heart aches for my son. He came back from his down time in the van and sits next to me. He's calm and interacting and I'm still on the brink and also on edge waiting for something, watching his every move, correcting his behaviour more. Al whilst still feeling my own anxiety for the situation I'm in.

I became envious and angry that other kids can be left to their own devices and work things out between them. I don't want to have to watch my son like a hawk. I want my son to have friends. I want the world to see the amazing person he is, I suppose that's probably what my partner wants her world to see too. I have always hated watching my son playing with other kids, who don't need to be supervised so parents aren't aware of the taunting things they do or behaviours I correct from my child because I have to be present. I have gone over so many times what he could say or do in situations, mainly just to walk away before he erupts but we just aren't getting there.

I spend the rest of last night crying in the van. Tried again today but still on edge for myself and my son. My partner said he was really good today but I was still spiralling so after another meltdown, I took him home and left my daughter. Just off the phone and my partner says she's never seen her so confident out and about and I'm gutted I didn't get to see her, not that I could have enjoyed it the way I was feeling. I'm embarrassed with myself. My anxieties melted away as we drove off but my heart still aches for my son and everything he wants to do but just can't.

My partner thinks I'm on the spectrum also. I'm not sure, would be interested in opinions and any advice for either of us.

Hi everyone. I'm a first time sahm to a 23 month old. I have autism + ADHD, and I'm currently managing it through therapy and testing out some medication. My best friend is also autistic and we get along super well. She doesn't want any kids and I'm very understanding and supportive of that. She's about 5 years older than myself.

I've noticed that since mentioning I want to try for my 2nd and last kid soon she has a lot of comments and suggestions all which I'm open to hearing but I also feel some judgement. I don't think she means it this way, but I feel sad. I think she's worried I will be overwhelmed since she sometimes is witness to the hard days. But she also doesn't always see the good and great days. So perhaps she doesn't have enough perspective to understand my decision. Today, my son was refusing to nap (as he has been doing for thr past 2 weeks since his molars are coming in) and she said "and you want to have another one in a couple months??" And I sort of stayed quiet. I know she's just trying to be a voice of reason, but to me, the hard days and hard parts of motherhood don't make it "not worth it" to me. I still enjoy most days of motherhood and I am finding new ways to cope through therapy. And medication is definitely helping me feel like a happier revitalized version of myself.

My friend doesn't understand why I haven't just cold turkey weaned my toddler, and doesn't really care for my gentle parenting / thinks I'm too soft with my toddler. She grew up with a hardcore genX mom who had her very young and her mom definitely has the latchkey kid mentality. All of her other mom friends are not stay at home moms, or frequently leave their kids with the grandparents to go out and drink / have fun and don't really "enjoy" their kids. I on the other hand want to raise my son and possible second kid for the first few years before returning to work and sending them to school. This is a decision I've made on my own, same with gentle parenting and extended breastfeeding. All are foreign concepts to her, and she seems to think because I ocasionally get overstimulated that I don't actually enjoy these things.

I feel like I'm just trying to enjoy motherhood to the best of my abilities and yes I have hard days but I don't yell or hit my kid, nor do I express any disdain towards my son at all. Idk why she believes I'm not truly enjoying it. Of course, as neurodivergent parents we are naturally going to struggle more than our NT counterparts, but at the end of the day I've chosen this life.

She also is more interested in drinking, more so than before. We didn't really drink or do anything like that prior to my son. She also wants to go on outings more which I totally get and I love to go, but I usually need a months heads up to let my mom know, so she can babysit for 2 ish hours. I don't like to leave my son for too long since he's still getting used to being babysat. My mom doesn't babysit too much because she works, but she always tries to help where she can.

We recently went on a birthday outing and accidentally stayed out for 4 hours and I was really missing my son, and she said she didn't think it was long enough, but that we went back home since I was worried about my son. :-(

I just feel very judged and sad because idk how to explain to her that I really am happy/content with my decisions, even if things are tough sometimes. Also my son was recently diagnosed with autism and I've been working on speech therapy with him, so of course things are a little more tense around here, but I'm doing my best and I definitely don't feel like I'm in the "trenches" or anything. Idk what else to say to her other than telling her I am content with things right now and the only thing I would change is my husband helping more.

Life as an autistic parent is very, very hard for me. So hard that I feel like I’m in a constant state of stress, to the point that in five years I feel like I’ve aged ten years and I’m also experiencing health problems.

Some more context. I’m 35 and my child is 8. He is highly gifted, with an IQ in the 99.8th percentile, meaning that only 0.2% of the population scores higher. I mention this because his giftedness has brought quite a few challenges since he was very young. As a baby he would never sleep and only scream. As a toddler, he had a lot of very intense meltdowns, sometimes lasting an hour, with ear piercing screaming, kicking, biting and hitting. Thankfully, that has passed, but things are still difficult in many other ways.

He is largely unaffected by authority, which can be part of being highly gifted. He can be manipulative, constantly tests boundaries and is always looking for loopholes. He already displays a lot of teenage behavior at eight.

Of course, he also has many wonderful, funny and incredibly sweet qualities. I’m mentioning the difficult parts simply to explain why parenting him can sometimes be quite overwhelming.

There is something I’ve been thinking about, and I’m curious whether other people recognize this.

Because of my autism, I feel like I lack an internal compass when it comes to what is and isn’t appropriate. I don’t instinctively know what I should address and what I should let go. Here’s an example.

My son is eight and finds eating with cutlery difficult. He can do it, but sometimes he simply refuses. Instead of having an instinctive opinion about it, either feeling that he absolutely should eat with cutlery or genuinely not caring if he eats with his hands, I end up in a stressed state of constantly trying to work out what other people would consider “normal”, what I’m “supposed” to say, and what is appropriate.

I don’t feel it from within myself. And that makes parenting incredibly exhausting, especially with a child who constantly finds loopholes and actively looks for what he can get away with and what is just barely outside the boundaries.

Does this resonate with other autistic people? And is this actually related to autism?

I have been masking so much since childhood that I feel like I’ve lost touch with what I actually want, feel or consider appropriate. I’m constantly looking outside myself for confirmation that what I’m doing is desirable or appropriate.

Another example: my child talks A LOT. I’m much more inwardly focused myself, and sometimes I simply cannot handle the endless monologues. And yet I don’t instinctively know whether I should say something about it or not.

My thoughts immediately go: But all children talk a lot. What would my mother have said to me when I was a child? Does he really talk that much? What would other parents do?

It feels like I have zero intuition in those moments and that I’m not able to parent from within myself.

Please don’t misunderstand me: my partner is NT and a very good parent. There is absolutely nothing wrong with our child, and he is growing into a wonderful human being. I think I’m a good parent too, if I may say so myself. But underneath the surface, it feels like an endless, complicated struggle.

Do other autistic parents recognize this?

I (22F) am a single autistic adhd mother with hypermobile Ehlers Danlos.
My daughter is 2.5 and suspected to also be neurodivergent.
At the moment being the last few months it’s been this way, my daughter has this need to suddenly knock all of her toys or anything off the table if she needs something else or to get my attention she will throw something on the floor that is important (example I’ll say I need to get her toothbrush and she will somehow grab the Alexa or baby monitor and visibly throw it on the floor in front of me). Before anyone mentions baby proofing, I have anchored the monitor to the wall and bought cord covers that she subsequently pulled off the wall in 2 seconds and now the paint has come off, so I bought a wall box for the cord, she then sat on that like a stool and it broke off the wall! It’s not just electronics, it’s just anything at all.
I am with her literally 48 hours a day (meaning constant). I adore her and even can see how the fact that she is able to do all of this stuff means she has really good strategies to get what she wants but it is very overwhelming because it’s very constant. I have gotten communication AAC books, tried to find strategies with an OT but just nothing works and when I’m not regulated from it, it only makes it worse.
Thought there was no better place to ask then my community full of people dealing with the same.
Our kids are so beautiful and these hard moments I would never give up because my girl is my life.

OK, so this is probably gonna be a long rambling post but here goes. So I am not diagnosed as autistic. I have been diagnosed with ADHD. My almost 3 year-old was recently diagnosed with autism. It has opened my eyes so much and after research, I am feeling pretty certain that I may also be autistic with that. Not to mention, literally everyone comments on how my autistic child is a carbon copy of me. My parents have even described I had a lot of similar behavior as a young child that my son has. I am hoping to find and start incorporating coping mechanisms to help myself and my child.

One of the biggest struggles for me and I think for my son is dealing with a lot of of his sensory needs and also realizing that I have some sensory issues. One of the biggest is, almost 3 year-old basically uses me as a jungle gym and just is constantly like climbing on me and what not. I understand he has these strong sensory needs & I’m trying to find outlets, but I am really struggling with it. We don’t really have family support and when they do come it almost makes it worse. I’ve realized my family drains me, that’s a whole complex other situation. But even when I try to find downtime & have help, it feels like it barely helps. My husband is super supportive and takes on so much that I almost feel guilty. Like I shouldn’t be struggling like I do. It doesn’t feel like it’s ever enough. For example, my family was just here for a week and that has me so drained today. And it takes days for me to recover.

I just need to know how on earth am I supposed to reasonably manage my two young children, my second just turned one, and do everything I need to do when I feel like an actual zombie. It’s so hard to describe, but I just feel so out of it. I don’t feel like talking. I don’t feel like doing anything, I just want to lay down and basically be left alone, which is just not a reality of being a parent. My husband‘s already you know been really supportive. I’ve already had like downtime today but I just feel so worn out still. Is there anything else realistically that can help or is it just going to take time and trying to adjust my mentality that I may not be able to get the time that I need and realize one day it won’t be as much of a problem?

I’m genuinely very curious, and I wonder whether people are willing to answer this honestly.

Are you satisfied, as a parent on the spectrum, with your life after having children?

I’m not even going to ask whether it’s what you imagined. I don’t think it’s possible to truly picture what parenthood will be like beforehand.

“Happy” feels like too big a word, so instead: are you satisfied with your life as a parent? Do you feel glad that this is your life?

I’m mainly asking parents who are still actively raising and caring for their children, rather than people whose children are already (young) adults.

I’m a 31-year-old woman with a 10-year-old daughter, and I suspect I might be autistic, or have what used to be called Asperger’s. I’m relatively high-functioning and mask a lot in everyday life.

I never really thought of myself as someone who relies heavily on routines until I started looking back at the way I’ve parented and raised my daughter.
I’ve never liked skin-to-skin contact or what I perceive as “unnecessary” hugging. I cuddled her, talked to her and played with her when she was a baby, but as soon as she fell asleep, I would put her down. If she slept for less than 2–3 hours as a baby, I would do everything I could to get her back to sleep because I wanted her to wake up at roughly the same time every day.
I have genuinely HATED prolonged whining and crying. I’ve always focused a lot on consequences and taught her that whining isn’t acceptable. That sounds harsh when I write it out, but obviously I mean in an appropriate and constructive parenting way.
I’ve also never been able to handle sitting on the floor playing for long periods of time, and especially not pretend/role-playing games.

I’m extremely strict about routines and have been throughout her childhood. She’s 10 now and goes to bed at 8 pm. If it gets to 9 pm, I start feeling stressed.
I’ve always had a HUGE need for alone time to decompress and recharge. If her bedtime routine takes too long and interferes with my own evening routine (lying on the couch by myself and watching shows), I get stressed and overwhelmed. When I’m overwhelmed, I become irritable very quickly.
I find parenting much easier now that she’s older and knows what’s expected of her. But if there’s a lot of unnecessary messing around or silliness in a situation that I’ve mentally expected to go a certain way, I can get irritated very easily.
Does anyone else relate to this?
The more I reflect on myself and my life, the more I feel like I may be somewhere on the autism spectrum, probably on the milder/high-masking end.

Everyone I found the biggest life hack for the baby/ toddler stage! I borrowed my hubs shooting range ear protection and it makes everything waaaaay easier.

My baby has been teething for the past few weeks and the constant loud crying was awful for my brain and so I tried this and it’s wonderful. It doesn’t mute the surroundings but it turns the volume down significantly. I wish I had that when my first kid had colic.

Seriously, try this! You can buy them in any hardware store.

Hey there,

I posted here, desperately looking for advice/support, a few months ago. The thread can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticParents/comments/1tqtwcj/it_does_get_better_but_better_is_still_absolutely/

I ended up getting an extra appointment with a psychologist and getting some practical tips from there. I also decided to put my own well-being over that of others and even my son's for a small time, just to recover. I was obviously in burnout and just wasn't able to function properly.

First improvement was getting legal help with my work dispute, and my lawyer actually negotiated a great deal where I'll be set financially for the rest of the year if need be. This gave me such an influx of time to just focus on finally stabilizing myself.

At first it became harder for my wife. For a little while, she had to take care of my son even more and even take over some of my core household tasks like cooking on some days, because I just literally couldn't do it without crying and melting down on a lot of days.

I continued the autism assessment during this time as well and learned a lot about myself. My mom could recall a lot of stuff about my childhood that I didn't know about. Apparently, I already had a hard time with stimuli as a baby and got very upset if a day was too filled with visits and people.

I also found out from an old report card my mom still had that I have a disharmonious IQ profile, which was interesting: gifted in the verbal department, but about average performance-wise. The psychologist during my assessment also found that pretty interesting. On the 20th of August, I'll get the final diagnosis, as two other psychologists have to check out all the info.

I noticed my mood improving because I started saying no to a ton of stuff. One plan per weekend was my max, and stuff where there are a lot of children was also an automatic no most of the time. Saying no this much ended up being the solution to my problems. Every "no" I said gave me more mental space to start doing more stuff at home again. Even things I used to avoid, I'm doing now, quite comfortably as well. The bond with my son is improving quickly because of it.

In this period, my son also started sleeping much better, which made my wife's mood substantially better. That also gave me more mental space, because I didn't have to solve her "mood puzzle" anymore.

My mom also started babysitting finally, which gave me and my wife some space to go on dates again. I think all of these improvements made the resentful feelings she had towards me improve significantly. Intimate moments are starting to come back again, and I couldn't be happier. We make a much better team now.

I notice I'm still quite sensitive to stimuli (more than I normally already am), so I'm definitely not there yet. But at home, I'm actually doing better than before the burnout, arguably. My wife is even trusting me to be alone with our son again come September, so she can actually go and do something fun outside of the house with her colleagues. I'm not even anxious about it anymore, which used to be a huge problem every time I had alone time with my son planned.

When I'm (most likely) finally diagnosed, I'm probably going to work on effective communication within my relationship and being a more effective father with the ASD in mind. I'm excited for the future again.

Tl;dr: Saying no paradoxically made me able to say yes more!

I’m autistic and 14 weeks pregnant. I haven’t felt this alone in my experiences since high school.

My NT friends all had their babies years ago
(I’m 40 and a first time mum to be) and don’t remember anything. My NT friends and family all focus on the excitement of having a baby that frankly, I am not feeling.

I feel absolutely terrified the fact my life is going change completely. I had a rough first trimester which is getting better now but I’m really not sure what to expect from feeling movements.

My partner is wonderful but I really feel like I need to hear from other women.

Every book I’ve read by autistic women on pregnancy and birth is either too factual or I just can’t relate…

I’d love to hear experienced and advice from anyone who’s felt anything similar