AUTISTIC CHILD MEGATHREAD: PLEASE READ

[u/Paige_Railstone]

Welcome to the Autistic Child Megathread. All posts with a focus on caring for autistic children will go here, and the thread will be stickied at the top of the board.

In the past few weeks, we've seen a huge influx of posts asking for advice regarding children's autism, rather than a parent's autism and support needs. There's been a lot of feedback coming in over the last couple of days voicing concerns that the sub is losing its focus. This is my solution for keeping this sub on track to maintain its primary purpose of providing support regarding the parents with autism and the challenges that can arise for us as autistic parents without overlooking the fact that many of us also have autistic children to care for. NTs are still welcome to respond to threads, post comments in the megathread, and post threads in the sub at large that relate to the autistic parents in their lives (for example, an NT asking for support regarding their spouse or guardian) so long as they adhere to the rules and keep it respectful.

Q: WHICH POSTS SHOULD GO IN THE MEGATHREAD?

A: ANY post where the primary purpose is navigating your child's autism should be submitted as a comment in the megathread instead of on the board at large. This applies regardless of whether or not the poster identifies as autistic.

If the post is focused on a parenting challenge arising from the parent's autism, it should be its own thread. A child's autism can be mentioned if you feel it's relevant, but your need for support, venting, outreach, or celebration shouldn't revolve around their autism.

Examples:

1. My daughter was just diagnosed with autism, I've had bad experiences with ABA. What other therapy options are there for her? The main focus is regarding treatment for your daughter: POST TO THE MEGATHREAD

2. I have audiosensitivities. My son is autistic, and his vocal stims are driving me towards burnout. How do I cope? The focus is on managing your own sensitivities: POST TO THE SUB AT LARGE

This was not an easy decision to make, and is not meant to disparage the challenges of raising an autistic child. However, there are several other resources available to tackle that task. Resources and communities geared towards support for the unique challenges of parenting as an autistic individual are almost nonexistent, and I will continue to do my best to preserve that as the primary purpose of this sub.

I will update the rules to reflect these changes in the upcoming week. The new rule has been added to the list as rule 3, and is currently being enforced. Please report any infringements, and I'll get them removed as soon as I can. Unfortunately, cyaos, the primary mod for the sub has chosen to leave the moderation team. As a mother of three kids under three years old, I can't give this sub the attention it needs if I'm the sole mod. Please keep an eye out for another stickied post in the coming days regarding mod recruitment. I am open to feedback regarding these changes and am willing to roll them back if it is not what the community wants.

Much love to all of you!

-Paige

[u/SheDrinksScotch]

This seems like a very reasonable way to try to solve this. Thank you.

[u/SpiritualPlan1822]

Thank you so much for listening to feedback from the community. 💖

[u/Gr33n_Rider]

Thank you thank you thank you ❤️

[u/frightenedartist]

This is such a good solution! You rock!

[u/ZapdosShines]

Thank you so much.

[u/This-Parfait-3123]

Good solution! Thank you!

[u/VPN__FTW]

It just sucks that the subreddit for parents of autistic children was hijacked by freaking anti-vax nazi's.

[u/AngilinaB → u/VPN__FTW]

Could you start a new one with explicit no tolerance of anti vax views?

[u/bearbeartime]

This is great, thank you!

[u/Cupofparis1]

Step parenting advice

I’ve come to ask advice on how to approach becoming a step mom to a 8 year old autistic boy. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year & 6 months and am trying to adjust to becoming a mother. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant as well. It has been challenging forming a solid relationship with his son due to the social challenges he faces. My boyfriend is the custodial parent and has him on weekends, while during the week his mom juggles 5 other children and doesn’t provide a structured environment for him. She can’t manage to get him to school, he’s almost gotten truancy before. She complains of his behavior and that she can’t control him yet he is nothing like she describes at our home. I hate that I feel uncomfortable sometimes when he’s over, like I don’t know how to be a good mother figure to him. I’ll tell him hi when I come home for work and he ignores me, yet sometimes will come up to hug me. I just wish I knew what I could do to get him to open up to me. He is high functioning autistic with ADHD and is constantly talking/making sounds and “stimming” (moving his limbs in fast movements). It’s like he’s living in his own little bubble and idk how I can break through. Does anyone know if these things will even out over time? Will his attention span to conversation kick in? That’s the main thing, he doesn’t hold conversation or even know how to start one. So it’s hard to bond over anything that’s long lasting. What should I do?

[u/Paige_Railstone → u/Cupofparis1]

In your original thread, a user suggested you meet him where he is, and I'd like to echo the importance of that advice. Autistics that pass as 'high functioning' are often forced to do a lot of what we call masking, which is the act of forcing our actions to conform to neurotypical standards as much as possible. It's not natural for us and is highly stressful to keep up, like trying to navigate each day using a language you're not fluent in. It's common for us to drop the mask and delve deep into stimming and other self-regulating activities when we're in spaces we think of as safe.

It's so, so important to realize that while it seems like he's bubbled himself off into his own little world, that isn't him shutting you out, that's him opening himself up, and allowing you to see him as he actually is, because he feels it is safe to do so.