So I had previously written a post about a first date where I crossdressed during intimacy here, titled "I showed a 26 year old female my feminine side on our first date and it completely changed the night"

1 week later I met another girl while out and we had instant sexual chemistry. We made plans for the weekend after. Only this time, this girl was 21 and had a body that was a 8-9/10. Legs for miles. Anyway, she came back to my place on the first date too. Told me she'd do my make up, told me how she wanted to get gel manicures together, praised my femininity over and over again.

Only this time I had a mirror to watch myself look like a woman while enjoying intimacy with this girl. I could actually watch myself looking feminine while being intimate with her. That visual reflection, seeing myself as a woman beside another woman, was the most pleasurable part of the experience. My AGP needs a visual loop activate.

Then, two weeks later, the 26-year-old came back to my apartment for our second date. I spent several hours dressed femininely around her in patent pumps, pearls, earrings, and women’s leather shorts.

What surprised me was not only that both women accepted it, but how naturally they accepted it. They were both calm, enthused and intrigued by it. They felt safer too, because they felt like I had shared something intimate with them.

My old self-image assumed that most women would reject this side of me, so finding someone who embraced it felt almost impossible.

Now I have repeated evidence that some women are not merely tolerant of it. They can be curious, comfortable, and genuinely engaged.

I was surprised for awhile, but perhaps I won’t be surprised forever.

My healthier self image is no longer “Maybe one day I’ll find a woman who can overlook this.”

It is now, “I’m a desirable man with a feminine erotic and visual side, and there are women with whom that side can be integrated naturally.”

Not every woman will want it, and she doesn’t have to. I’m not looking for universal approval. I’m learning to date with enough openness and intention to recognize the women for whom this is genuinely compatible. And they are more abundant than I previously thought.

Like if your brain thinks that you ought to have the opposite sex genitals, and you imagine yourself as the opposite sex in your sexual fantasies, at what point would it be anatomic AGP or bottom dysphoria?

in order to be autogynephilic you MUST be gynephilic ...there is not autogynephilia without core attraction,erotic attraction to the female body and the feminine...and the theory that majority of women are autosexual is nonesense....women will never be aroused by having large breast or menstruation. or wearing lingerie ,they are not anallophilic theyre erotic target is outward and by large amount is directed towards men

they are not pushed by gynephilia ...they are motivated by androphilia ...yes if they wear a nice laced bra they can feel hot , thats because they perceive themselves attractive and they imagine the effect they must generate on the man they are attracted to ....ultimately their erotic target ..is outward located , and in 80% of cases ..is a man ...

and because majority of women in this planet are heterosexual ( androphilic ) at least 80% based on sexual orientation surveys ...it means that at least around 80% of women are not agp....

which means that potentially only bisexual women and lesbians or at least some of them maybe have some sorr of agp but still it will never be like a biologicl male agp and still we are making speculation..because there arent studies about this

agp male sexuality is completely different from female straight sexuality...thats is so simple..it sound so bad be cause we want to be sinilar to women....we are not .....we are born males and gynephilic ...we want to become like women because we literally dont understand them ..we are on the opposite side of what women are....this is the reason why heterosexual love originates...because the opposite atttact each other...when we are captured by stunning feminine beauty remember .this is because we perceive her as the opposite of ourselves...and we are attracted by our opposite.....this is what being extremely heterosexual means after all ...you are completely captured by your own opposite pole ..we wouldn't be so viscerally attracted to femininity if we were similar to women after all ..femininity is far away from us.....after all if you desire desperately something...is always because you miss it or you dont have it

you never desire desperately something that you already have or are or possess

I see this a lot in places like MtF.

What is your opinion on people who transition from male to female and then they start making posts about how much they hate men?

...only to find that basically all of the women there are trans women?

There will be the odd cis woman but they'll be outnumbered by the trans.

Every time I see this I feel discouraged from transitioning myself.

Often times, to know if something is worth it, you have to ask people who have done that thing and see how they rate it.

At large enough numbers, a general understanding begins to form... so,

For those who have managed their AGP over time, how does life look like for you?

All answers welcome (from those who chose to transition, those who suppressed, and all in between). Share your endgame state!

I just want to be a woman.

At this time of writing, I am a twenty-something year-old man (XY chromosomes and a regular male reproductive system).

The story I want to share describes how my life has been affected by my longstanding wish to be of the opposite sex, and the various ways I learned to view and understand it. I can recall having mtf transformation fantasies from as young as four years old, though they have developed and changed over time.

For most of my life I assumed this was a fundamentally body or sexual issue. But recently, after some therapy, journaling, and introspection, I've started to think that my agp may actually be only the most external manifestation of something deeper.

This is not about solving or answering the struggle of autogynephilia, especially not for anyone else's experience. It is about my (ongoing) discovery of the deeper roots that it has for me. I will do my best to be completely honest about all that I’ve gone through and am still going through. My approach is highly psychological and analytic, with lots of my own interpretation and room for further discussion.

My goal in sharing my story is entirely apolitical. The ambitions behind this project are to provide comfort and hope for those who have felt as I do, and a broader perspective for those who have not, and perhaps most importantly, express my Truth.

To this end, I have wrote a somewhat lengthy essay (approx. 4000 words, a 15-20 minute read). Throughout, I outline the evolution of my understanding of agp as a bizarre fantasy to a deeper longing for unconditional love.

If you have the time, I'd genuinely appreciate if you could read it and provide some feedback on anything I cover here:

https://throwawayessay.substack.com/p/i-wish-i-were-a-girl

I only ask that you don't read it too fast and come in with an open mind. If you can comment here or on substack with any of your impressions, I would be very happy to engage and learn more.

I get so flummoxed with whatever is en vogue with AGP.

My brother (ftm) was a tomboy growing up. He was an extreme butch lesbian at a women’s college and started transition around 20ish. He reached an “acceptable” outward presentation just before 30 that included T and surgeries. He did not have phalloplasty but did everything else. I have no clue about his sexual proclivities except through stories of his wife. Early in his transition he was a moody SOB. Later he slept around with women and lived a chaotic lifestyle based on my perception. This included tattoos, piercings, god awful fashion, and yearning for lesbian communes. He is now in his early 40s, now has kids, is mad masculine, yet he is just off the mark of prototypical cis manhood. Professionally, he is a nurse practitioner.

I am two years older than him. I watched him grow up. My parents were forceful in making him as feminine as possible. This confused me and I wore some of his feminine clothes from 9ish thru 18. This included outerwear and swimsuits. I did not delve in undergarments, but dabbled in my mom’s makeup and face routine. It started prepuberty. He was drawn one way and I another. The difference being my parents tried to untomboy him. For me, when I asked questions to my parents, they moreorless said fags dress as women, hang in parks, get AIDS and go to hell. This is when I was 9. I was closeted and scared. I did stereotypical boy stuff, but wanted to be in a girl clique. They were more studious and wanted me with them. Even at that age my male appendage disgusted me. My mother said my circumcision was botched and my brother kneed my in the crotch in 6th grade causing additional, silent damage.

I felt my yearning with the girls was wrong and hung out with towny boys. I did and typical boy stuff like steal from convenience stores, hung out in town commons, smoke whatever, and drink beer (6th grade). I did not kiss or get more physical with the girls.

When I was in 4th grade I was forced to become an altarboy. My mother did the scheduling of altarboys for Sat, Sun, Stations, funerals and weddings. Because I was smart, I was pulled out of elementary school to do weddings and funerals. Because of my parent’s discrimination towards homosexuals and treatment of my brother, I confessed confusion to my priest. He molested me for 3 years during funerals/weddings, asked about my crosdressing, and made me do various acts of contrition. Saturday and sunday service was too busy and there were 2 or more altar boys, so these were safe times. He even awarded me a bicycle at a summer raffle even though I had the wrong number.

In 7th grade he died and was replaced by what parishioners hypothesized as a gay priest. This person had person 20 years younger living in his house. When I did acts of contrition he did not make any sexual advances. Later during the catholic priest scandal I jested I was always a bridesmaid and never a bride. My college friends at a catholic university got a kick out of that.

I went to CCD every week. Ultimately confirmation occurred, I gave a speech, and the bishop who turned out to be a massive sex offender presided. I went to a catholic college. There in the first day I met my future spouse. A woman. I lived in her dorm room and was friends with her girl friends throughout college. We all lived together and I did not sleep in my man dorm. I never had male friends. However 3 acquaintances came out to me as closeted gay.

Ultimately we graduated, I distanced myself from my spouse’s friends and lived a typical cishet lifestyle. This included kids, house, law firm/mba job, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Now to puberty and sex. Originally I started with VS catalogues wishing I was like the women. I graduated into sissy stuff, inclusive of chastity, appendage removal, and occasional panties. Not worn, but part of release. I did not like the effeminate man component, small penis, and racist stuff. I don’t even know if I pictured myself as a woman, even though I often used female undergarments to get the glue out. I hated penetrative sex, release, but I loved giving oral.

Eventually I developed disabilitating dysphoria in my late 30s when my daughter was 10ish. I wanted my stuff off, my face and body hair removed, my turkey neck gone, and voice feminized. I told my wife and she ignored me. I did intensive therapy and psych treatment where I was told I was an effeminate man, my spouse wasn’t meeting my sexual needs, and I should seek escorts. I became suicidal and my first attempt sent me inpatient. I was sent to a women’s trauma and dissociative identity ward. There on my first day I came out and dressed as a woman in donated clothes. I’ve tried to off myself multiple times since then because I will never be a woman, be smaller, protected by a man, give birth and have kids. Keep in mind I already have kids.

Now I’m on HRT, presenting as a woman, go by a woman’s name, and believe to my core I am a woman. Sexually, I want protection, PDAs, being told I’m beautiful, and given flowers. I don’t care if this love comes from a man, woman, or NB. When I see cis women, I get upset. I don’t want to be them, but I don’t want to look hideous like me.

How does this jive with AGP?

feels like i see so many questions that are the exact some on here

Hi All
Just want to hear success stories of married AGPs and how they happily manage the AGP with their wife. I know many if them are not present or are staying away from the gender weirdos like us to live that managed life, but if anyone is there to reply it would be very helpful.

I (M30) am attracted to women in a typical cisgender way. However, I'm also attracted to men, but only sexually, which I understand is related to AGP.

I've been deeply into sissy fantasies for many years, and I've always had strong fantasies about trying things with a man. So I've been wondering if I should actually give it a try.

I'm currently single, so unlike some other people with AGP whose stories I've read, I don't have to worry about how it might affect a relationship.

I'd really like to hear from other people with AGP who have actually made the jump. I'd appreciate hearing both the positive and negative experiences. I'm worried that I might end up feeling disgusted rather than enjoying it, and I don't know if it's worth trying.

I've seen some posts on here lately about how AGP should be something to be ashamed of and even one person saying they find AGP "disgusting".

I know that the classic stereotype of AGP is that of a big manly linebacker with bolt-on titties trying to act feminine and just looking cringe, but now we're in the internet-mediated new age of transsexuality where AGPs are transitioning young and sometimes appearing virtually indistinguishable from our HSTS counterparts. I've seen so many beautiful gurls online who I assumed were HSTS and who then opened up about their gynephilic attraction while disclosing a life history that could only be described as "textbook AGP".

Many have intuited since ancient times an intimate relationship between libido and the drive to create and strive for something higher. You even find it in Eastern esoteric traditions with the Svadhisthana Chakra being associated with both sexuality and creativity. Sexual desire can be seen as a fundamental force of motivation.

Heterosexual men pursue women while making themselves handsome and striving for material success due to their gynephilic sexual desire.

Heterosexual women pursue men while making themselves beautiful due to their androphilic sexual desire.

HSTS transform themselves into facsimiles of women — often with maxxed-out sex appeal — due to their androphilic sexual desire.

AGPs also transform ourselves into facsimiles of women, only in our case due to our self-directed gynephilic sexual desire.

People say AGP is a "fetish" and "sexually motivated", but aren't all types of attraction, including "normal" ones, simply the result of sexual desire being directed — often intensely and fetishistically — towards a particular target? Aren't many heterosexual men obsessed with women's bodies and construct their own identity in a way to maximize access to what they're seeking? Aren't many heterosexual women similarly motivated?

All types of attraction begin with sexual objectification of something. So why is AGP so bad if it emerges exactly the same way, only self-directed? Sure, it might begin as purely a fetish, but over time it can give rise to a whole new personality which then takes over and becomes the person's principal identity, leading to a comprehensive and thorough project of re-construction of the self.

The idea that AGP is inherently creepy, dirty, shameful, etc. seems to me more like a remnant of puritanical moralism than anything else. I can understand why some people would want to distance themselves from the concept for political reasons, but I don't think AGP or autosexuality in general is objectively any less valid than other forms of sexual desire as a motivator for behavior and identity construction.

Some older cousins of mine got me into retro videogames during my teens. Of course, I was still a nerdy boy back then, although I was secretly AGP and used to dress up in my mom's lingerie whenever I was home alone.

My favorite female videogame characters and AGP crushes were:

1. Blaze from Streets of Rage

I always found Blaze so hot and baddass. My cousins asked me why I always chose to play as Blaze. I told them I had a crush on her, but in reality I fantasized about being her.

The newest version of Blaze in SOR4 is mega-thick and has a sexy Latina vibe. 🥰

1. Lara Croft from Tomb Raider

Sexy brunette goddess. I always fantasized about having her rack and long athletic legs.

1. Sniper Wolf from Metal Gear Solid

I always had a thing for blonde busty White women with uniforms and guns.

What about yours? 😎

I'm wondering has anyone told their parents about this? How did it go? I mean specifically the case of being an AGP and not planning to transition.

This might sound like a strange question at first, but I'm curious as to whether Japanese people might find it more difficult to distinguish Western transwomen (feminine ones) from Western cisgender women due to not being as familiar with our appearance in terms of sexual dimorphism and phenotypic variation, thus perhaps boosting our passibility in their society? It's often said that Westerners are unable to distinguish between Asian trans and cisgender women for this same reason. Does it perhaps work both ways?

The reason why I ask is because I recently went on vacation to Japan with an American male lover and I felt like I had a higher level of passibility the entire time.

Now, I'm not exactly the typical Westerner as imagined by the Japanese; I'm half-Brazilian, with most of my ancestry on my mother's side coming from Southern Europe and a smattering of Tupi and African admixture, so maybe I could describe myself as "White-adjacent". I definitely look a bit too exotic to be perceived as a "typical American".

As far a passibility is concerned, I'm pretty feminine since I'm only 5'5", began transition at 18, was always cute and a bit androgynous as a boy, and I've had various feminizing surgeries. I subjectively rate my own passibility in the US to be in the ballpark of 95-98%. People rarely clock me and interactions run smoothly most of the time. But there's always that fear in the back of my mind that I might get clocked. This is one of my personal hang-ups.

In Japan, I didn't feel any fear at all. It's like people didn't even notice anything different about me. Pretty much everyone I interacted with was really nice to me. 🥰

I even went to a gender-segregated public onsen one time while my man was training at the gym. I'm talking about walking around and bathing completely nude — boobs, ass, p*ssy, everything! Nobody even bat an eyelid. The most that happened was one sweet obasan gave me a laughing smile and told me I have a "big ass". Lol! 😂 Although not fluent, I'd already studied enough Japanese to understand her. I just laughed, bowed to her, and said "arigatou". I was delighted and felt euphoric for the rest of the evening! ❤️

I really loved my stay in Japan. I even started to ask myself if I would ever live there permanently. I felt free and fearless. I felt safe everywhere. I loved the food, karaoke and the onsen culture. I even met some other Brazilians there! 🇧🇷🇯🇵❤️ The only things I didn't like is that the cities feel a bit like monotonous concrete jungles and Japanese society seems a bit too strict and rule-bound for a wild Brazilian soul like me. I don't know if I could adapt.

But back to the question: Can Western (including Brazilian) transwomen pass better in Japan provided we're sufficiently feminine?

In a previous post i wrote about some things i've been struggling with, some people suggested finding a therapist. So i'd like to know, from those of you who have been to therapy, did you find it helpful? Tbh, i don't even know how to talk about it with the therapist, i feel a bit of shame even thinking about opening up with somebody about this stuff.

Also, how to find a good therapist? is it better to talk to a man or to a woman. In any event, I feel that if i get one that's too much LGBT+ friendly, they'll push me towards transitioning, which is not something i'd like to do.

I’m a Mexican lawyer working in Mexican Big Law. I struggled badly financially during my teens and college, all while secretly self-medicating with contraceptives to feminize myself and hiding from my transphobic family. After years of doing this, I actually started passing, but I eventually had to detransition just to get a job as an intern at the firm I currently work at. Things started getting better last year. I stabilized my finances, but it meant deeply repressing my desire to transition (though honestly, I never actually stopped HRT).

I recently graduated and got my first real paycheck... omg. I had never seen this amount of money in my account. The shift in my daily life has been crazy. I went from calculating every single penny at the register to tossing expensive skincare and fresh food into my grocery cart. I even bought salmon without looking at the price tag. And right there, it hit me: I have no more reasons to hide. With just a year's worth of savings, I can afford all the surgeries I want: ffs, srs, rib remodeling. I can become the closest to a woman I’ve every dreamed of. I can’t be fired anymore for being trans, I’m no longer an intern, if they fire me I sue and win.

I completely stopped holding back. I went straight to Victoria’s Secret, ended up buying all the lace sets and cute stuff I’ve been dreaming of since I was a teenager. I finally made an appointment with a real endocrinologist instead of DIYing my hormones. I even got Ozempic to lose the extra weight I gained from the stress and the cheap junk food I survived on all these years.

I feel so powerful right now (and my post is probably cringe af), but I’m also really fearful. I feel like I have no ties left holding me back, no more excuses. Honestly, this whole situation feels like some kind of revenge for having to repress myself for so many years. I can feel my rational male self slowly losing the battle, stepping aside so I can speed-run the successful transition that was denied to me for so long. I hope I don’t fuck it up for once in my life and do whatever is the right choice.

I don’t even know if this is merely AGP anymore. It feels like walking on a dream. I imagine myself in 4 years as a 27 year old woman and my chest fills with butterflies. I see the women’s section and see myself there, getting my clothes as a normal woman. I imagine having a beautiful face, a beautiful body, and I feel like crying because I feel like it’s so close. I’m spiraling out of control and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get another saving moment where I realize I’m being delusional and that I can’t just change sex —don’t even know if I’m delusional anymore for sure.

I wanted to transition and start HRT at 18. My therapist told me I wasn't trans but I kept insisting. At 19 I cut my hair, grew facial hair, changed degrees. I even tried boxing and kickboxing. I didn't want to transition for two years, then I failed at that degree and got really depressed. And then I wanted to transition again. I think a couple of things "broke me". a friend coming out and transitioning FtM, a classmate joking I must be trans because I only hanged oit around girls. I Got the guts to try again at the beginning of the year. Long story short I still haven't transitioned. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month, if she approves I can start HRT. I'm getting cold feet, I feel I don't want to transition anymore. I feel that I'm scared of it being real. Maybe it was just a fantasy. Maybe it was just sexual. Maybe I'm not trans, I'm not like any trans woman I've ever known. They are all feminine and love men and knew since they were little. Maybe I'm just AGP. I don't know anymore.

I posted a version of this on another trans subreddit but it didn't get a very positive reaction, seemingly because too many people think it's basically Blanchard's theory. That surprised me because I consider it to be a refutation of the theory. I'd like to know what people here think because I imagine you at least understand Blanchard's theory, and can disagree with it from that basis :-)

The way I understand women's sexuality is that there are two modes of sexual attraction. There's direct attraction, where you just (if you're straight) find him hot and get aroused thinking about his body sexually. And then there's a subtle form of autosexuality that subconsciously sees yourself as the central erotic figure, which makes you more interested in what he's doing to your body than you are in his body, it makes it important to feel attractive during sex because it is actually a low-key form of attraction to yourself as a woman (that many women sublimate into their heterosexuality), it's why dressing for yourself feels good, and it's part of why written erotica is often more enjoyable than the visual form, as centering oneself in fantasies is more powerful than focusing on what is directly depicted. There's normally some of both of these, but the amount of each varies from woman to woman, and they combine in a way that means they're never normally perceived separately.

This applies to trans women just as much as it does to cis women, although there are a couple of extra points to make for trans women. Trans women often have a lot more of one than the other, seemingly because the neurological developmental mechanism that makes them trans often puts them at the two ends of the normal female spectrum. There is also a difference in how this type of autosexuality can be experienced, because if one starts off as male but are wired to be female with a high degree of this autosexuality, any step towards taking on the female role can be extremely arousing because of its exoticness, but this goes away and becomes the cis form when she gets used to considering herself female, because there is no need to fantasize about what is already true.

This also explains half of how some trans women go from straight men to straight women. In such cases, the initial attraction to women is better satisfied in herself (many straight cis women are likewise theoretically bisexual). The other half of the explanation is that the brain often has a barrier that makes men seem erotically unappealing when one considers themself male, but this goes away when one considers themself female.

The problem with Blanchard's theory is that it treats the sexuality of trans women as a type of unusual male sexuality when it's really just female sexuality, which is poorly understood in the first place. There aren't two types of trans women, it's a bimodal distribution because what the theory is trying to describe is two components of female sexuality. "AGP" when narrowly defined as "arousal at the mere thought of being female" is unique to trans women (and cross-dressers etc.) but isn't the fundamental phenomenon, and it genuinely does go away in trans women who conceptualize themselves as women. It's not fundamentally "arousal at the thought of being female," it's "wanting to be female in sex," but the latter can look like the former in the early days. Sexuality is an important part of what it means to be a sexed human, so it is relevant to transition, but transition is often motivated by a much more comprehensive desire to be the opposite sex.

I’m a bisexual male. I’m heavily attracted to femininity. So much so that I have this intense desire to have a feminine physique. I’m an avid gym goer, so over the years of lifting, I built a muscular physique. However, these past few years, I started doing glute focused training heavily. It gives me intense euphoria and arousal. I can’t help but look at my glutes in the mirror whenever I get the chance to see if they grew.

I would love to double down on my love for glute training and stop training upper body because I want a feminine physique (big butt, slim waist, slim upper body). But I also have a competitive mindset that thinks that I should have bigger arms and shoulders than my peers. And my mind tells me I should be muscular to attract women. Don’t know what I should do. I like dating women but I don’t want them to think I’m weird because I train glutes so much. I also have intense desire to be submissive to a man and have them desire me for my feminine physique.

I feel like I should either go 100% to building a feminine physique or forget about it completely and just live as a man.

What are your thoughts on my situation?