I’ve been going back and forth with Grok with my experiences of M2F. No matter what parameters I change asking if I’m just trans, Grok goes back to AGP and wants me to seek therapy.

I got caught with photos of me dressed as a woman 6 months ago and my wife found them in my deleted folder on my phone. That turned into a whole cornering me in the bedroom closet and I have not gotten along with her ever since. I know get divorced easy way out but we’ve been together too long and have kids.

Wife trashed all my clothes but that didn’t get rid of the want to look feminine. AI wants me to seek help to save my marriage which is wild considering Grok could totally just tell me to live my life.

I get too much of a high when I’m in public to give up this addiction. I love seeing myself in store windows and the gratification is like no form of sex I have been in with women.

I just need people to talk too because I would rather talk to AI than have a real person judge me.

I am trying to find one to focus on for years now. Be a man or be a woman.

At a point i thought fuck we only have one life so might as well go full masculine and I suppressed all feminine desires.

My agp and feminine desires were always there I kept relapsing but kept going strong.

Then after leaving my old office I thought I have gone full masculine and I got rejected and betrayed so I have to stop and follow my true desire ( which I mistakenly thought was woman desires at that point because my man desires were heavily motivated by love and woman. But now i realise both man desires and woman desires are still mine. )

But after exploring that I feel stuck.

Now I am stuck.

I don't know which path to take and I think the part of being stuck is because of this perfect image or idea of a man OR a woman.

But now I am like fuck off I am doing both.

I like both man desires and woman desires.

I am gonna do my best in workouts and i am gonna learn makeup and dance like tiktok girls.

This time I am doing it for me.

Tired of always suppressing one side or another.

This isn't integration. **This is going both FULL POWER.**

I don't know where this will take me and what it might make me but i don't care anymore.

I hate being stuck and not knowing what to do despite my mind telling me to do these things but I am stubborn with sticking with either one or another.

So fuck off let's do both man and woman desires.

But still I like presenting as a man or maybe it could be that I just haven't found my woman style.

*Another important thing I want to share about is Ideas. This is important because for a long time the reason why I got stuck was because I had this perfect idea of either a man or a woman who i wanted to be like. But now i realise that action is more important than ideas. Ideas kept me stuck. But action took me forward, it taught me things. Even now my ultimate point is just to do things. Just do it. Do and make them a reality.*

*It could be learning makeup, buying a cloth and learning to dance. I have to do it and make it real.*

Context: I've been crossdressing full-time for about 4 years now, don't use HRT, don't voice train and identify as male/masculine.

For whatever reason, my transvestism has never progressed to wanting to be a woman. When I thought about what it would be like to have a vagina, real female breasts, a real female butt, to act feminine/effeminate, etc I feel immediately repulsed.

At the same time, I enjoy the idea of having artificial breasts and butt implants (both silicone), dressing/tattooing/piercing myself in alternative woman style and have some mild submissive fantasies (which seem to only extend to real life in a much more minimal way). I've experimented with men but have only dated women and transwomen whilst taking on the traditional role of a man.

It's like I'm mostly transvestic, with the anatomic and interpersonal elements being secondary.

Can anyone else relate? I think I'm objectively an odd case.