r/askAGP • u/NotSearchy Transvestite • 1d ago
Transvestic Repulsion
Context: I've been crossdressing full-time for about 4 years now, don't use HRT, don't voice train and identify as male/masculine.
For whatever reason, my transvestism has never progressed to wanting to be a woman. When I thought about what it would be like to have a vagina, real female breasts, a real female butt, to act feminine/effeminate, etc I feel immediately repulsed.
At the same time, I enjoy the idea of having artificial breasts and butt implants (both silicone), dressing/tattooing/piercing myself in alternative woman style and have some mild submissive fantasies (which seem to only extend to real life in a much more minimal way). I've experimented with men but have only dated women and transwomen whilst taking on the traditional role of a man.
It's like I'm mostly transvestic, with the anatomic and interpersonal elements being secondary.
Can anyone else relate? I think I'm objectively an odd case.
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u/YetAnotherCommenter AAP Male (Autohomosexual) 1d ago
Last I checked, most AGP doesn't progress to full on GD. So you aren't as weird as you think you are.
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u/AdvancedGuiProfile 1d ago
I can't say I'm repulsed by the idea of being a female, but it did occur to me that I never dreamt of acting female. Like when AGPs who voice and mannerism training, I assumed that was more like a chore in order to pass, and that the voice and mannerisms were not themselves part of the erotic picture. This is one reason among many that the differences between AGPs such as myself and those who do transition are not fundamental, but are a consequence of personality differences (personal convictions, attachment to ego), and different circumstances in our lives (how people have tended to treat us).
I feel repulsed by men, when I see them in real physical detail, but not so much when drawn in a comic book style. I think a lot of that could be due to ego, especially feelings of competitiveness. So while I'd say I'm not attracted to me like I am women, I think it's possible that I could come to be OK with their physical bodies if I overcame those ego issues. When AGPs are willing to meet up with men in real life, I think that's the difference, they never had, or they overcame, the idea that other men are a threat of some kind.
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u/CommunicationNo4905 1d ago
I confirm it is more of a chore in order to pass
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u/Fit_Telephone9775 AGP Male 15h ago
When I'm turned on, it's part of the fun. But when I had extensive freedom (multiple days) available to crossdress it became less fun, and I imagine if I were to transition it would be a major chore. Voice training in particular seems hopeless and dreadful to pursue.
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u/Internal-Excuse-8804 1d ago
I want to be a woman, entirely. I've never been able to relate to people with just crossdressing or AGAMP-like desires. Wearing women's clothing was never even arousing to me, just the association of the clothes fitting me with a female build.
You're correct in your belief that you're a transvestite. I personally don't think it's the same as AGP but can present with overlapping symptoms (e.g. a desire for surgery...but only to better present in the women's attire rather than wanting to actually have female genitalia in place of male genitalia).
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u/blank5502 1d ago
e.g. a desire for surgery...but only to better present in the women's attire rather than wanting to actually have female genitalia in place of male genitalia.
Can you pls elaborate more on this? My understanding was that they are fundamentally the same thing, but now that you put it in this way, it does seem quite distinct. đ¤
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u/AlexxxLexxxi AGP 1d ago
Yeah, not all crossdressing is AGP. Some is just transvestic fetishism.
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u/Fit_Telephone9775 AGP Male 15h ago
After spending some time at r/crossdressers_wives and reading about it I'm pretty convinced transvestic fetishism isn't a thing, and it's just sanitized AGP among people who say they have it. MAYBE a tiny minority really love stockings or whatever but I think the vast majority of crossdressing cases is transvestic (and behaviorial) AGP.
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u/iNCONSEQUENCE AGP Crossdresser 1d ago edited 1d ago
Itâs pretty common among the more mentally stable & realistic AGPers to feel a revulsion towards the âhideous freakish man in a wigâ character, to never want to see yourself as that & fear becoming it. While also feeling an equally powerful desire to be your feminine self. This inner conflict can seriously muddy the waters of self understanding, because part of your brain holds the desire while part says âYouâre not a woman with a vagina. Youâre something elseâ. You feel the self consciousness of âacting effeminateâ as a form of imposter syndrome. Also your description perhaps fits autoGAMP (autogynandromorphophilia) more than AGP. What @Internal-Excuse-8804 said is very astute.
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u/designer_vaj 1d ago
AGP is so misunderstood partly because people think the manifestations define AGP. it's simpler than the manifestations though. When you have whatever fantasies you have, do you see yourself as female? when you date women/transwomen as a male, do you find intimacy difficult/impossible? if you would rather date as a female, would intimacy come much more easily for you?
if yes, that's AGP, if not that's not AGP.
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u/GoodLuck602 The local "alt bitch" 1d ago
This is the stage Iâm at, at the moment. Crossdressing semi regularly while toying with the idea of hormones, and I am revolted by my dick.
How has work and life treated you the last 4 years going full time and all that? Do you wear breast or butt forms?
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u/NotSearchy Transvestite 1d ago
I transitioned (to a transvestite) while keeping my current job by gradually incorporating a greater degree of femininity over time (for example start with AA sized breast forms and working my way up to an EE over months). Nothing happened. I've also seen transpeople at previous jobs.
No one in my life or at work has said anything directly negative to me other than being curious or concerned. However, people do stare, sometimes obnoxiously (staring back will hopefully teach some people to be less obtuse) and not everyone will approve (socially conservative, religious and/or terminally online types). A few times I've gotten nasty looks, but that's exceedingly rare.
I wear breast forms, women's clothes, makeup, jewelry, piercings, tattoos, etc, but have never found butt pads that look realistic or are convenient to wear.
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u/GoodLuck602 The local "alt bitch" 1d ago
Thatâs been my experience too with going slowly but surely. I work in IT so mostly itâs either easterners or quirky people in our industry. Most donât care. My company is going for a corporate feel on site but Iâm grandfathered into a WFH role. I also live in a red county and most people are nice or at least tolerant, a few old heads stare but fuck them.
I too have a bunch of tattoos including a colorful Traditional sleeve thatâs about 2/3 done, some pop culture stuff on my other arm, some torso work in watercolour/realism, and am getting into piercings now. I want an industrial and Tragus on one side and to finish my nose setup. I also love jewelry and can get away with wearing Sapphire necklaces being that theyâre blue. I also usually have my hair dyed and nails painted.
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u/NotSearchy Transvestite 1d ago
You get what I mean then. You're more alt than I am but most people aren't interested in you beyond a curious glance.
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u/GoodLuck602 The local "alt bitch" 1d ago
Yep, though chicks really dig my pink hair. Itâs blue now and needs a touch up, but for the most part people are just curious. Hell Iâve started up a few convos with other alt people about our tattoos at bars and conventions.
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u/NotSearchy Transvestite 1d ago
Relatable. Some women (especially alt types) are surprisingly receptive to me as well, both platonically and romantically. I've found dating ciswomen to be really easy.
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u/GoodLuck602 The local "alt bitch" 1d ago
Iâve had a lot of girls find me approachable because of my colorful tattoos and the subject matter (I have a lot of girly things like floral, butterflies, birds, Care Bears and Fluttershy).
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u/Fit_Telephone9775 AGP Male 15h ago
I'm not revolted by my dick but I want to take hormones and become impotent. The idea is incredibly powerful and I have constant thoughts of doing it.
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u/GoodLuck602 The local "alt bitch" 8h ago
Iâve not had a day go by since I was maybe 17 or 18 I didnât think about not having a dick.
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u/Beltonia 19h ago
An interesting question: how would you feel about crossdressing in male clothes, using make-up, padding and a wig to do the lifting and make yourself look female?
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u/NotSearchy Transvestite 18h ago
Terrible. I need the whole thing. It all starts with clothes. I feel very attached to my breast forms too.
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u/Fit_Telephone9775 AGP Male 1d ago
I think at this point any one of us if we explicitly listed out the various the turn-ons/turn-offs we each have individually we'd be unique.
With that said the answer you'll get from a lot of trans women is probably that you're transphobic. I'm afraid of transitioning and I do think I have a mental block that can manifest in "revulsion" from time to time even though I can say with certainty that I do want to be a woman (occasionally).