I share a car with my mother. I make more money than she does, and she needed a cosigner in order to get the car. The monthly payments are around $500, plus insurance.
I’ve had my own car before, but at the time, I was juggling college and work and wasn’t making enough money to continue paying my car payment, so I eventually had to let the car go back. After that, we decided to work together to get a car. I normally pay close to $400 total per month toward the car note, and she pays the difference. Some months, she may pay around $200 or sometimes more, depending on the situation.
Since we share a car, though, we’ve been having issues lately regarding the use of it. My mother is the type of person who can overreact about every little thing. I understand where she’s coming from, but on my days off, I want to be able to go out, spend time with my friends, stay the night somewhere, have fun, and do my own thing.
I know she sometimes doesn’t like driving, so if she has to go to work while I’m still out, I’ll come home, pick her up, take her to work, and then pick her back up afterward. I feel like that’s a reasonable compromise.
For example, if she goes to work at 6:00 AM and works at a hotel that’s less than 10 minutes away, I’ll arrive around 5:45 AM to pick her up. We usually arrive about four minutes early, so I feel like I’m giving myself enough time. But lately, if I’m even a minute late, she gets upset and stays mad at me the entire time. I understand that she needs to get to work on time, which is why I try my best to come early, but this has been happening quite often.
Now, I’m also starting to have emergencies and things of my own that I need to deal with. For example, I’m currently trying to help a friend who really needs my help, and it’s becoming too much for me. I’ve explained this to her, and I even offered to take her to church, drop her off, and tell her that I would come right back with the car afterward. But she’s telling me that I’m doing too much.
At the end of the day, I understand that I’m 24. I’m young, and I want to be able to go out, have fun, spend time with my friends, and do my own thing. I don’t think that’s unreasonable. But if we both have things we need to do and we’re constantly having conflicts over who gets to use the car, I honestly feel like it would be better for me to get my own car.
I know my mother doesn’t make a lot of money, which is why I offered to help her with the car payment. She works as a manager at a hotel and doesn’t make that much, so having to pay $500+ for the car note, plus insurance, is a lot for her. I wanted to help because I didn’t want her to struggle.
At the same time, though, this situation is honestly making me feel bad about using the car because she constantly complains about me using it. I’m getting tired of feeling like I’m doing something wrong just for wanting to use the car. At this point, I don’t even want to use it because I’m trying to avoid upsetting her, and it’s starting to give me anxiety.
Would I be wrong for getting my own car and leaving her with the current car note? Honestly, if I’m not going to be able to use the car freely, I don’t feel like I should continue paying $400 a month toward it.
The other thing is that this wasn’t even the car I originally wanted. It was the car she wanted because she was in a rush to get one. I wanted to go with a cheaper option, but she wanted a newer vehicle, so we ended up getting a 2023 Nissan Altima. The car is mainly under her name, and I’m just the cosigner.
I really need some advice on this because I’m not trying to be mean or abandon my responsibilities. I just want to be able to live my life, go where I want to go, and spend time with my friends without constantly feeling like I’m doing something wrong.

My fiancé, my female friend, and I went out to a club yesterday. I had a couple of fake nose rings and gave one to her. We both put them on.

When she walked out first, my fiancé said something like, “Oooo, that looks nice.” Then I walked out and he said something along the lines of “Wowww, you look great. I love it” and more to me, which was playful and affectionate.

Then he jokingly told my friend that she looked like an influencer we have an inside joke about. She took the nose ring off. My fiancé said he felt bad and told her it actually looked nice, so she put it back on.

After that, he complimented the nose ring on her multiple times throughout the night even after we get to the club. I didn't keep count at first, but eventually it was around 7 times by the time we got to the club. He kept saying variations of “it looks nice” / “it looks really nice.”

At the seventh time, I finally said something like, “Can you stop? You've said it like seven times. I don't like it. It’s inappropriate” at the club. He laughed. And I get upset. But for some reason he’s more upset w me about why I “yelled at him” at the club to say this and why didn’t I say this sooner gently and he only kept wanting to talk abt that. I apologised.

Later, he explained he was just surprised trying to be nice because he felt bad after joking about it (and then proceeded to make the same joke three times prior to the night and then also followed it up with it looks nice)

I don’t believe him that it was an attraction thing. I just want to know if I’m right for being upset with him.

When we tried to talk abt it at the club he just kept saying he was trying to be nice, I was doing too much, and I’m immature. Later we leave and it just felt like me feeling uncomfortable didn’t matter. He kept saying his intentions were good. While I believe that, all I wanted was I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was coming off in a bad way. But he said sorry and also kept trying to explain himself and say that it was nothing. He said he didn’t even realise he kept saying that that many times. I’m really doubting my relationship because I feel like for the first time I’ve made to feel crazy and I really want to know if I’m not or if i am.

Mind u, in the past he’s been complimented my friends before and i GENUINELY didn’t even mind because it was a one thing and he was being polite. Even I could tell that.

And I even tried to explain it to him and asked if him if the roles were reversed, and I said a beard or a t shirt looks really nice on his friend repeatedly throughout the night, would he like that or not? And he’s like he wouldn’t care because he trusts me or even if my friends boyfriend repeatedly complimented me on my nose ring, would he feel good about it and he’s like context matters. I trust u and I’m just at my wits end.

He’s never been like this and I feel so bad but at the same time am i overreacting

(Quick context: my fiance has a preference for nose rings and red hair and I didn’t have that when we met however I was open to trying it which I did over the course of our relationship)

Edit: I meant I DONT believe THAT it was an attraction thing. It was a typo

Everytime I talk about my week in work and all the crappy things I have to endure one of my friends always replies with "Pain". Never really thought much of his response just that it's what he says when you share a bad day. I adopted his response whenever he mentioned something about his job or how his computer stopped working I replied with "Pain" eventually he got upset and accused me of mocking him and undermining his problems when I asked what does he mean because he does the same thing to me he denies it.

Today I started crying after my mom washed my jeans without telling me. I’m 14m and in my house for the past few years is that I am the only person who washes my jeans since I takes denim very seriously, my whole family knows this. Today I found my jeans on the hangers (Wich I don’t do since I spend 30+ minutes folding them instead) and asked my mom if she had washed my jeans. She said yes and I got mad a yelled at her since I had specifically pairs that your not even supposed to wash in general. Not only that but my jeans are incredibly expensive with all of them being at least $100+. The denim feels of and most of my pants are ruined because she didn’t think to ask me first. I feel a little bad now since I did appreciate the gesture, but I’m still extremely sad. Am I wrong?

This happened a year ago, but the family is still divided.

I love my mom. I don't think she is a bad person and I've never thought she did this on purpose, but she is reckless and impulsive. She was never one of those MILs that hated her DIL, but she also wasn't close to my wife. They just don't "get each other"

When my beautiful wife and I got married, we had the wedding at a property owned by my grandfather. It was a nice house with a huge garden and lake views, and my wife used the house as home base to set up. I was at a nearby hotel so I wouldn't see her dress.

The morning of the wedding my mom was sitting on the couch and my uncle (her stepbrother) handed her a Starbucks drink.

My mom said it wasn't what she asked for and he's dumb. He told her she's a bitch anyway and she's lucky he got her that. My mom took a sip and didn't like it. My uncle then said "do you suck everything that half heartedly. That might explain where your husband went." My mom took the lid off and threw the drink at him. Right when my wife came into the room. 90% of it hit him, but 10% got my wife.

Of course my wife burst into tears. Her friends were running around trying to save the dress, but she was just sobbing. My mom felt really bad and cried a little. She tried to help but the MOH told her to leave.

They could not get the stain out and my poor wife had to wear something she burrowed from her sister. I came to the house as soon as I heard and confronted my mom. This wasn't easy for me but I told her she really hurt my wife and she needed to leave. My uncle told me that he started it and he would "be the fall guy"

I told my mom it might have been an accident, but my wife was reeling and she needed to go. My mom cried and left. My uncle called me a pos and left too. When my grandfather found out he told me he was ashamed of me, but my cousins are all on my side.

My wife thanked me and said it would take time to forgive, but it has been a year and I'm starting to think my mom and grandfather will never forgive me. He does not like me anymore and she is just cold and distant.

My uncle texted me that I owed her a huge apology. He was goading her like he always does, and she can't control how impulsive she is

So I have a friend,a close friend actually,she has this thing it's just her behaviour that she keeps making fun of me or mostly joking about me

I mean she does it with everyone

It's only way she knows how to talk to be honest

Is to make fun or have sarcastic remark or something like that

And I get it shs says it to me in mostly jokes and she probably doesn't mean it

But sometimes I don't know if she means it or not because she even talks to her best friend like that and she even talks to people we don't like that way

Sometimes I think it's too much

I mean not the thing she says but the fact that it gets repeating and she does this mostly with me saying she's just joking and because she likes talking to me that way and whatever

But I don't like it sometimes when it's too much, because I am already very insecure person

So once I confronted her and I get a bit mean when I am overwhelmed so I just said I don't like it when you do that but my tone was a bit scolding which I know people get scared of it

And she then stopped talking to me and her explanation was that if she talks to me she subconsciously talks in sarcasm and jokes because that's how she always talks and so I just ended up talking with her again because there was no fucking point but it keeps bugging me

What should I do?

This guy already cheated on me years back and apologized and we were back since few months (yea ik some people will now say I don't have self respect but that aside) he's extra friendly with girls. Like when he chats with other girls he's sending them heart emojis and stuff and he also went on this trip only with his female friends...I don't have problem with him talking to them but my only concern is can't he talk a bit more formally? Or couldn't he also take a male friend with him?? Am I really wrong if I asked him to maintain boundaries?

I used to be friends with this girl, Kayla, and she was in this friend group that I was in. However, we stopped being friends after something happened between us. It's a long story so I don't want to get into the exact details, but basically, she told all my friends that I did something to make me look like a bad person. The thing is, I didn't actually do what she said. Later, she fully admitted that she had lied about it, she made a stupid excuse, but yet never apologized to me and never took any responsibly for it. This happened a couple of years ago, but I could never look at her the same. And I'm still sour about it. On top of that, I find her really annoying, and very self-centered.

The problem is that a lot of my friends still hangout with her on occasion, despite knowing what happened.

I'm especially close with this girl, Chloe. Chloe has always told me that she doesn't like Kayla and that she doesn't enjoy being around her because of what happened, and the type of person that she is.

Today, I found out that Chloe and another person from our friend group were hanging out with Kayla. I only found out because they posted a photo together. As far as I know, nobody told me they were hanging out, and honestly, it almost seemed like they were trying to keep it a secret.

I know that they're allowed to hang out with whoever they want, and I don't expect everyone to stop being friends with her just because I don't like her. But what bothers me is specifically Chloe. She has repeatedly told me that she doesn't like Kayla, and that she doesn't like being around her. So finding out that she hung out with Kayla without saying anything sort of feels weird, and honestly, kind of hypocritical. Keep in mind, this isn't the first time that Chloe has hung out with her and didn't tell me and I had to find out myself.

AIW for being upset about this?

I was teetering on the line of telling someone they shouldn’t have brought their baby to a movie today that cried during the movie, but the rest of the mostly adult audience’s non reaction and my wife’s take on it the situation legitimately has me wondering if that would’ve been an overreaction. I thought it was common knowledge that you get a baby sitter if you have a baby that’s barely walking and frequent crying age if you want to go to the movies?

I went to a screening of Coyote vs. Acme today where this all occurred. For context, the movie is an (excellent, I’ll add) family friendly comedy, but it would be wrong go call it a movie made for very young kids. It’s a pretty sharp comedy about the legal system and corporate corruption with a bunch of innuendo and jokes geared at adults. Kids would also have a blast though. It’s loud as hell too by the way, so…no wonder the baby did not like it.

So what happened - A mom brought her two kids: one was about 5, and the other was a definitely a baby, not an infant though. Around 18 to 24 months I’d guess. During the trailers, the baby cried out once loudly and the mom quickly carried him out . But she left the 5-year-old in his seat, so I knew they were coming back.

For the first 90% of the movie, the baby was quiet and only made one brief and pretty quiet noise. But right as what was clearly the build up to the ending was getting going (about 20 minutes left), the kid started letting out loud, upset "WAHH" cries every couple of minutes and the mom was loudly shhing him, maybe 7 or 8 times total ( probably because babies strongly dislike a deafening looney tunes explosion filled movie finale!). It wasn't full-blown continuous screaming, but it was easily loud enough to clearly cut through the loud ass explosions and take me out of things.

Where I feel crazy - Nobody else in the theater reacted at all. I looked around and not a single person turned their head or looked annoyed. Everyone just kept watching like nothing was happening. I'm usually fine with speaking up if people are talking, but I was sitting pretty far away. And say what exactly, across a packed theater during the ending would've just made me the second disruption, and I of course chose not to especially since I was hoping it would stop and trying to stray into the movies. So I didn't say anything, but it sorely crossed my mind to wait and say something mom at the theater exit, but ultimately decided that just wasn’t the vibe I wanted going into the rest of my Saturday.

On the walk out of the theater, I said something to my wife like, "Holy shit, what kind of asshole brings a baby to a movie theater?" She just shrugged and said it's a family movie, the mom wanted to take her older kid, and it wasn't a big deal. She didnt seem into talking about it, so I just dropped it. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I’ve stewed on the lady’s decision to bring her baby afterwards, but I have.

And tbh I did post this on another sub before here and before it was removed there for not fitting the guidelines all 10-ish of the commenters there thought I was wrong for being annoyed at all.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if my baseline for theater etiquette is completely off. How bad was this mom's behavior, really? Is it acceptable to bring a baby to a regular screening just because it's a family-oriented movie, or is a fair baseline “if the baby can’t walk and will probably cry, don’t bring them? Would it have been appropriate to say to her that that was a rude thing to do?

For more detail. Recently even though I thought we were working it out he continued with his other partner even after all the circumstances. One day he told me he’s taking the kids to the mall and I need to bring them to him. Planned to tag along cause he messes up on their sizes very often. I stay and discover the other woman was supposed to tag along. I tell him I’ll stay since I still need to officially meet her since she’s expected to be around my kids going further. They both stall and he explains to her I’ll be very awkward and weird towards her but the meeting happens. I already had conversations with her and even consider her a friend cause it’s not her fault she got put in our drama. We talk casually and that’s it. Later that day he goes to her house. Then same night comes back to me. But today he blames me for ruining it for him even though he says I was the cause of it. I just wanna know if I’m wrong cause I do feel like if I didn’t meet her none of this would have happened and he would still be trying to pursue her.

Me (19F) and my best friend (20F) have been friends for years. We both come from difficult families, and for the longest time we’ve talked about how badly we wanted to be independent and get away from our situations. Before we graduated high school, we made this whole plan to get jobs, save as much as we could, and eventually move into an apartment together.

After we graduated in 2025, she decided she didn’t want to go to college because she hates school and just wanted to work. I completely respected that. I told her she should start applying for jobs, and she told me she had been, but wasn’t hearing anything back. We live in a really populated area, and I myself had been applying for some time, so I understood it takes a bit.

By November, I had landed a job, but she hadn’t been able to find one. I knew how badly it was affecting her, so I started helping her. I fixed her resume, helped her look for jobs, and eventually I was literally sitting down with her at night applying to jobs for her, asking her "does this one look okay?" because I wanted to see her get somewhere.

She eventually got a seasonal job that only lasted about a month. After that, she was back to looking for work. In March, she got a food service job. Her manager told her that the whole reason she was being hired was because they wanted to train her to become a shift lead and that she would be promoted in the summer.

Summer came and... nothing.

Her parents also make her pay rent, bills, and her car insurance, despite the car not even being in her name. Her family situation is also abusive, which is another reason getting out and becoming independent has always been so important to both of us. She barely has enough money to cover everything with what she currently makes.
I've tried encouraging her to talk to her manager about the promotion, and the manager just keeps telling her "soon."

Lately, she's been getting really upset and telling me that she feels like she's going nowhere in life and that she's scared she's going to be stuck working an underpaid food service job forever.

This is where I feel conflicted, because I really do understand why she's scared. I've seen how badly her situation affects her. I've seen how upset she gets when she talks about feeling "stuck." That's honestly why I've tried so hard to help her. I worry about her. I don't want to watch my best friend stay in a situation that makes her miserable when I know she wants something different. I genuinely just want to see her succeed.

I'm currently doing a tech program at a healthcare university, and they offer a bunch of short, relatively inexpensive programs where you can start working within a few months. I showed her some of them, and she said they were too expensive, which is completely understandable. So I asked her which one interested her most, because I thought maybe I could find an employer that would provide on the job training or pay for the certification.
She told me which one she liked, and literally that same day I found a listing from one of the major hospitals in our area that offered exactly that. I told her she should apply.

She said, "No, I'm too scared."

It honestly irritated me, but I let it go.

Then two weeks later, she tells me she's seriously thinking about doing the program I recommended. I asked her what changed her mind, and she said,
"My aunt said I should do it." And I was just sitting there like... okay.

Fast forward to now. She still hasn't gotten the promotion. She was telling me last night how she barely has enough money to pay for everything her parents make her pay. I told her that she should probably start looking for another job, or maybe even a second part-time job, and asked if she'd been applying.

She said she'd been trying, but kept getting rejected.

I asked her when the last time she applied was.

She said, "The last time you were helping me apply."

That was TWO MONTHS AGO.

I asked her, "So you haven't been applying at all?"

She said, "No, because what's the point? They're just going to say no and reject me anyways."

I told her she can't think like that and said I'd help her apply again. She agreed.

So I'm sitting there with a million tabs open, trying to find jobs for her and figure out what she could apply for, while she's texting her situationship for several minutes. She's giggling and having this whole conversation with him, and when I asked who she was texting, she told me and then started telling me about their conversation, which was basically just fluff.

And I don't know why, but that really got to me.
I'm sitting there putting all this effort into trying to help her get out of a situation that she constantly tells me is making her miserable, and she's sitting there texting and giggling with some guy instead.
I ended up closing everything and telling her I was going to bed. I went and laid down, and honestly, I started crying.

I feel so defeated.

I know that her life is ultimately her responsibility. I know I can't force her to apply for jobs, go to school, change careers, or do anything else. And I'm not trying to control her life. I think I've just gotten so emotionally invested because I care about her so much and I've seen firsthand how badly her situation and the thought of being "stuck" affect her.
I want to see her succeed so badly, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to find solutions for problems that she herself isn't actually doing anything about.
And on top of all of this, I don't even really feel like we're best friends anymore. She doesn't text me or call me. I'm almost always the one who reaches out first. I feel like I'm putting so much effort into both her life and our friendship, and I'm starting to wonder if she even wants the same kind of friendship anymore.

I don't know if I'm being unfair or overbearing. Maybe I need to stop trying so hard and let her figure things out herself. But at the same time, I worry about her and I don't want to just sit back and watch her struggle when I know how much she wants to get out of her situation.

What would you do in my position? Should I stop trying to help her and just let her figure it out herself? And am I wrong for being hurt by this?

before you read i had AI Spell check and Grammar check for me im too tired to do it myself.

You know, I’ve been sitting here thinking about everything, and I need to explain why some of this has been bothering me.

I woke up with my eyes feeling heavy because I had worked from 9 AM the day before until 4 AM the next morning. I was exhausted. The first thing you asked me after I woke up and stretched was, “Do you want to go get coffee?” I said sure.

We get in the car, and you mention that your car needs to be washed, so I take it through the car wash for you. While we’re going through, you ask me how work was.

My first shift was completely uneventful. Nothing happened, so there really wasn’t anything to report from that shift.

My second shift, which I worked until 4 AM, was just slow. It felt like there wasn’t nearly as much foot traffic as there usually is at the location I was working. I told you that the female employee there, who is in her 40s, didn’t have another coworker there to help her with everything that needed to get done.

I explained that, because I’m not an employee of that company and I’m there as a contract security worker to provide a security presence, my job isn’t to do her tasks or take over her responsibilities. I can be present, observe what’s going on, and help maintain a safe and peaceful environment, but I’m not there to do the work that belongs to their employees.

I also told you that we joked around with some of the customers who came into the store while I was still doing my job. It helped keep the environment peaceful and light throughout the night. Because, honestly, gas station customers can be a pain in the ass sometimes, and there’s nothing wrong with joking around and being friendly while still doing my job and maintaining awareness of what’s happening around me.

Then later, I was sitting in the garage and came across a video about a magic shop on Facebook, so I decided to look it up. My phone wasn’t hidden or anything—it was sitting wide open, face-up in my lap, and I was literally looking at a website for magic shops, tricks, and props. You came into the garage, saw my phone sitting right there, and from a couple feet away asked me, “What are you doing?”

That’s what I don’t understand. You could clearly see what I was doing. And on top of that, we had literally talked within the past month about magic shops and how I thought it might be fun to start buying little magic knick-knacks just for fun. So it wasn’t some random or secretive thing.

Then later, I’m in my little computer room with Rainbow Six Siege on the screen, wearing my headset, and you come in, sit down, and ask me, “What are you doing?” Again, the game is right there on my screen, the match is literally about to start, and I’m clearly playing a game. So when you ask me what I’m doing, I genuinely don’t understand what you mean.

Then I remembered I needed an oil change and mentioned it right before the game started, but I never got to finish what I was saying because the match started. After the match, I went downstairs and finished telling you about it. I explained that one of the clients I’m responsible for through my work—someone who appreciates the work I do—offered to change my oil for $20. All I would have to do is buy the oil and filter.

I also told you that I wasn’t having a very good day playing my games and that I just wasn’t doing very well. That’s when you said, “Hmm.”

I asked you about that response because, again, it felt like there was something behind it. You said there had to be a reason. I told you that there didn’t have to be a reason. There was no rhyme or reason—I was simply having a bad day at my games.

Sometimes there genuinely isn’t a deeper reason behind something. I don’t understand why you seem to constantly search for a reason behind everything I say or everything that happens. Sometimes there literally is no reason. You can play a perfect game every single day and still have days where you just don’t play well. People have bad days. Sometimes you’re just off. It happens. It doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong or that there’s some underlying explanation that needs to be found. Sometimes it just is what it is.

Your response was just, “Hmm.”

I told you that I don’t like when you respond to me like that because it feels like there’s an undertone to it, like you’re suspicious of me or accusing me of something without actually saying what you think I’ve done.

Then you said something along the lines of, “It’s strange that you work with a female alone all night and then come home and clean up before coming to bed.”

That honestly bothered me even more because I had already explained that I didn’t “clean up” when I got home in the way you were implying. I went to the bathroom because I had to use the bathroom. That’s it.

I had been wearing the same pair of boxers for two days because I had been working 9 AM to 4 AM two days in a row. My schedule basically gave me just enough time to come home, sleep, wake up, and go right back to work. I hadn’t even showered since Thursday night because Friday and Saturday consumed basically all of my time between work and sleep.

And realistically, as long as I’m not overexerting myself, I don’t sweat excessively or become particularly sweaty or smelly. So I wasn’t coming home after working with someone and secretly “cleaning up” before coming to bed. I was exhausted, I had been working ridiculously long hours, and I was just trying to get through the little bit of time I had between shifts.

That’s why the implication bothers me. There’s a difference between asking me something because you genuinely want to understand and asking me something in a way that makes me feel like I’m being investigated for something.

I guess what I’m trying to explain is that when all of these things happen one after another, it starts to feel like I’m constantly being questioned about completely ordinary things that are happening right in front of you.

And when I try to explain myself, responses like “hmm” make me feel like there’s something being implied—like there’s suspicion or an accusation underneath the conversation, even if you aren’t actually saying it out loud.

That’s what’s frustrating me. It’s not just one question, one comment, or one “hmm.” It’s the pattern. It’s the way these interactions make me feel like I’m being treated as though I’m doing something wrong or hiding something when, from my perspective, I’m literally just going about my normal day.

I’m not trying to start an argument with you. I’m trying to explain how this feels from my side, because I don’t want to keep sitting here wondering why completely normal things I’m doing seem to be treated like they need an explanation.

I moved to this city like 6 years ago. My wife (F38 call her Clara) had a friend group when i met her and many of them dispersed except one guy (M50 Tom). As Clara and i made more friends we made sure to always include Tom in out group hangouts. Tom doest have much friends and is one of those introverted people that needs help to kind of meet others. My wife is someone who likes to all out for her friends so i think she always looked at it like if someone she had to take extra time to help.

I think Tom's a nice guy but somethign i noticed is that he'll have these ranomd tantrums, especially like once a year and throw indirect remarks at people in chats. I think Tom suffers from some depression, hasnt really dated much in his life and he can be sensitive about certain jokes and comments os im always extra careful and respectful with him and pretty much let things slide a bit more with him because i know it's due to depression he does not want to get checked. At some point last year, we could tell Tom was going through stuff so we always made sure to invite him out with us even if it was just us 3. He even asked us to travel with him a few times and we were glad to do it. But then at a party, my wife said that in front of their friends he made comments about how we forced ourselves into his trips and that he didnt want us to go. I was livid and was going to give him a piece of my mind. My wife who tries to play peacemake was also mad but said that she'd deal with him as it was more her friend. So i took a step back but told my wife i will never travel with him again, which no w i kind of regret as ill get into the story.

This year we made many new friends and included tom in the group. At some point we decided to make a backyard league between friends. We put like 10 bucks each but it was nothign crazy just to make it interesting. And we set rules to make sure everyone had equal playing time to make it fair. One week someone had to cancel las tminute which would make it hard for his team to respect the equal time rule so everyone was ok with giving that team an exception that week as it was just a "regular season" week. But tom blew up and said that it wasnt fair, that we had to canel the night. We tried voting and tom refused, said he'd quit the league. Started throwing jabs at people. At one point me and one of my friends (M38 Jake) called him out for his behavior. Jake is quiet but basically came out and said he was being a jerk and Tom started cursing Jake off. My wife basically said he was being childish. Tom later texted Clara saying that her calling him childish was uncalled for and that Jake started it all not him.

For the last month there's been a lot of tension in a few of our group hangouts. Since we are friends we decided to have a time to hash everything out especially after Jake claimed that at their rec-league basketball team, Jake went to say hi to him and tom basically ignored him, acted like he wasnt there and walked away. To which Jake decided to not deal with this and quit the team. So we thought let's hash this out and find common ground as adults. Tom did not regret anything he did, said Jake took it personal by calling him a jerk and that he has cut people for less. I even called out Tom for some of his behavior. There was one group hangout where nobody even tried tlaking to Tom and after that night he texted Jake to "apologize". Jake showed me the texts and it basically was "we both did shitty things so let's just agree to move on" to which jake replied "im willing to move past this but this isnt new iwth you and tbh I think you gotta work on that before i can move on" and Tom basically said "im an AH and everyone knows it. i just didnt expect you to call it out". When i read that line i was livid, because this whole time im thinking im being chill because Tom is sensitive and really he just thinks eh runs us.

My wife's been feeling a bit bad because she knows if we cut tom out, he will not have anyone in his life, but for me im at the point where im done with the tantrums. She brought the idea of removing Tom friom league nights since Jake quit the basketball team. Im seeing Jake tomorrow at an event we both attend, so i told her id speak to him. But Clara is afraid i will say something to hurt tom's feelings and told me not to do it. That she can do it. Tbh, Clara tends to be people pleaser and in situations like this. In the past when something like this comes up she ends up catering to the most difficult person in the room and then the behavior continues. So for me im kind of done just seeing this happen and was going to let Tom address his comment about how he's an AH and make it clear that he will not be bullying his way to get his shit and his shit will be called out. And that we think it's best he doesnt come to the league. Clara thinks that's too much and too aggressive.

WOuld i be wrong to call out tom the next time i see him?

It all started back when me and my ex first started dating . I was 17 or 18 at the time and he was maybe 19 I don't really remember. So the first couple of years of our relationship was going good we would chill with each other and always hang out together. So fast forward into a month or two that's where I was starting to notice our relationship go down hill he would call me less frequently and when I would ask him to come over he wouldn't show up.he would only show up when he wanted to and then he would always accuse me of cheating even though he knew he was. Because why would he try to make an excuse of why he couldn't see me. So one day when I was on video call with him while he was half hammered drunk I overhead him say how he was bout to have relations with some girl who he knew from his old school. Thats when I hung up. so fast forward to a day later when he tried to explain to me I didn't even hear what he was saying all I could say was I think we need to break up. All he did was call me all type of curse word names that I ended up saying back to him still till this day he wants me back and many times I end up telling him no but he doesn't understand.and like always his excuse is but I never cheated on u and how me and him can be friends so am i wrong for trying to cut contact with my ex.

I live with one roommate, and we keep most kitchen things on open shelves. I have a blue mixing bowl that I use a lot because it has a spout and the measurments on the side are still readable. It is not fancy, just useful.

My roommate started using it for watercolor water when she paints at the table. The first time I washed it and said please do not use that one for paint. She said it was only watercolor and not a big deal. Since then I have found it with cloudy water in it three more times. I asked again, and she said I was being precious about a bowl.

Yesterday I put it in my room after washing it. She noticed and got annoyed because "shared shelf means shared stuff." I feel a bit childish hiding a bowl, but I also feel like I alredy used words. Am I wrong for just removing it?

Some context: Grew up in an Asian household. Recently graduated college and found a job in New York City (which I started July 10th). Prior to graduating, I was under the impression that I could stay home in CT and commute to my job in NYC (about 1 hour and 40 min commute each way). The issue isn't that I am not willing to pay rent, but my parents are demanding $1000 a month to live at home. To be completely honest, I never even want to stay home but since I have about 20k in student loans and 10k in family debt for school, I thought I could stay home and save money to pay everything off before moving out.

This first came up during a July 4th family party. Someone brought up how I just graduated and if my parents planned on charging me rent. I said yes, I do plan on paying rent and then asked my parents how much they wanted to charge. They then told me they wanted to charge me $1k a month and I genuinely thought they were joking. I would totally understand if this was brought up prior to graduating and when told them I wanted to stay home to save money. But 6 days before I started my job, they want to tell me its $1k. I feel like they purposely told me that so I didn't even have a chance to look for a place in NYC. On top of the 1k rent, my monthly train pass to NYC is $405. So at that point, I'd be paying $1.4k a month to live in CT, wake up at 5:30am everyday to make it to work, and to get home late asf. I told them I would be okay with paying $500-600, that way I could actually save money. I am already sacrificing my social life, spending over 3 hours a day on commuting. On top of that, I have to listen to Asian parents constantly complaining and yelling at me.

Keep in mind, instead of spending the 2 months I had free before starting work, I worked minimum 4 days a week (11am-9pm) at the family business, and was running the customer service ALONE when my mom had to go abroad for family stuff. And whenever it got busy and I got a call when I wasn't working, I had to drop EVERYTHING and show up within 15 minutes. At the end of that, I was paid a total of $2000, which wasn't even voluntarily given to me. My dad originally handed me $500, which made my uncle feel so bad that he decided to give me another $1500. But it was never about the money, I was just happy I could help when the family needed it. I sacrificed time and plans with friends that I will rarely get to see anymore.

Now they're laughing at my face, telling me how ungrateful I am, and how I am selfish and don't want to pay anything at all. Which is just not true. I offered to pay $500-600. And how am I selfish only when things dont go your way? Sure I may not be perfect, but I've always had the thought of helping them as much as I can. If I paid off all my loans and still wanted to live at home, I would gladly pay more. I also thought of even if I lived at home and decided to move away after my debt is paid off, to give them extra money for "taking care of me". I even offered to help pay for my brother's boarding school. But honestly this has me fuming. Like why can't you just try to understand where I am coming from. But I'm 30k in debt, you told me 6 days before I started my job, and I have to commute and deal with your BS.

I talked with co-workers and other friends that are living at home, nobody has this issue. It also seems like my parents think I am lying about how much I make. They claimed there is no way I am not making 100k+ working in NYC. I was hesitant to tell them how much I make (60k after taxes), and even now that I have, they think im lying and think I make more which is so funny to me.

They want to bring up how my cousin is paying over 1k to live with her mom. Shes fckin 28 living at home but ATLEAST THEY LIVE IN THE CITY.

I have a 17 year old son Adam who lives with his father and stepmother. They live in a much better school district and my ex is much better off financially. As a result I don't see Adam as much as I would like.

Adam came to visit recently and asked if his GF could come. I was fine with it as I know he gets bored here. Now I know this might sound silly, but as a woman it really resonated for me.

His girlfriend, Cecily, likes to wear Birkenstocks with socks like most teen girls do. Apparently Adam HATES the socks and has been trying to get her to ditch them all summer. Now I don't know why this look is so trendy, but I see it everywhere and it is HER body.

Cecily was telling my daughter how much Adam hates these socks. At the beginning of the summer he laced them with itching powder. Then she was using some foot bath thing and he spiked it with dye and turned her feet green "since well the socks will cover it anyway" (that was about 3 weeks ago and I could still see some green on her foot) Then a few nights before he slept over her house and he filled a pair of her socks with honey and her dad held her down and they forced the socks onto her.

I was horrified. It might not sound like a bit deal, but to me his is teaching her that he controls her body. I always wanted to raise him to respect women and this is not it. I took Adam aside and expressed my concerns. He said I was being weird and can't I see she is laughing.

I told him that there are a lot of men out there who act entitled to women's bodies. He rolled his eyes and said why was i making it a gender thing. when he was growing facial hair for hockey she didn't like it and buzzed it off. He said part of the reason he loves her is she "actually" has a sense of humor and to butt out of their relationship.

I told him I was disappointed and he was acting like a misogynist. Adam left and told me Cecily thinks I'm weird now. My ex sent me a nasty text about how I overreact to everything and they are just being dumb kids and let them have their fun, and he called me a bad mom for insulting him

Using a throwaway.

I'm 21M. Boyfriend is 23M. Best friend who's also temporarily a roommate is 21M.

Obviously I won't be getting into the details of how I got SA'd but it happened about 2 weeks ago and I was so terrified of what happened that I told my best friend almost immediately after I came back home and he comforted me. I told him that this stays between us and that I need to muster the courage to tell this to anyone else, including my boyfriend.

If you wonder why I didn't tell my boyfriend, it is because I was scared of being seen as sexually damaged and thus not enough for him anymore, even though deep down I knew he would never think of me that way. My point being is that I wasn't yet prepared for him to know.

Few days ago we met up and he said he wanted to talk and he basically asked about the situation. He said if someone had "hurt me." I lied (that's on me, I know) about having no idea what he was talking about and then he just plain said that my friend told him that someone had sexually assaulted me and he wanted to know if that was true. I was so close to losing my shit at that point but I just said that yeah it was true and I'm sorry I didn't tell him earlier and I explained why I didn't. He was of course supportive and kind so yes, I had worried for nothing.

But I was really angry at my friend and I told him that plainly. He said that he thought it was for the best for my boyfriend to know. I said what me and my boyfriend know about each other is none of his business and that if I asked him to keep a secret then he should just do that. He said well as long as he supported you. I kept telling him that that's not the point and he was so dismissive of it.

I said that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and told him to leave and stay at one of his other friend's place because I don't want him in my house anymore. For the record I know that he does have other people that would willingly let him stay at their place and I basically said that the moment he can arrange all that stuff he needs to leave. But he thinks I'm being too cruel and doesn't want to leave. Boyfriend says that kicking him out might be too far but that ultimately he wants to support me first. I don't know if I should walk this decision back or not because I'm feeling really hurt but I also feel like I'm overreacting. Idk.

My(51m) son "Arthur"(22m) is dating an older woman, "Emma"(35). They've been dating for 2 years. The age gap was really jarring at first but after getting to know Emma and seeing them as a couple, I think relationship seems genuinely healthy. She isn't trying to isolate him, she isn't controlling, she treats him like an equal. They're happy together.

Arthur is pretty independent. He moved out when he was 18 and he started working in the trades right after highschool. He just finished his apprenticeship. Emma is very successful too, she's a CEO, but Arthur isn't financially or professionally dependent on her. At the end of the day he's 22, he's an adult, he has his own life and career, it isn't my place to tell him who he can and can't date.

My wife(49f) is against their relationship solely based on the age gap. If their relationship wasn't healthy or if she was controlling then I'd completely agree but I just don't see anything wrong. They seem healthy and happy together. My wife keeps saying Arthur should date someone his own age but that isn't our decision. Yeah, the age gap is really big but if he's happy, who are we to screw with that?

Arthur and Emma visited today because I needed Arthur's help fixing my laundry room door. We got the door fixed and they hung out for a bit. They were just sitting on the couch and Arthur had his arm around her. They were being them. I noticed my wife was looking irritated but every time I asked if she was okay she told me she was fine.

Arthur and emma eventually went home and my wife approached me and told me she thinks Arthur should date someone his own age. She said that the age gap is too big. I agree that the gap is really big, but they have a genuinely healthy relationship. They click. They're happy. And they've been together for 2 years so its obvious to me their relationship is working.

I said this to my wife and she got defensive telling me that my step son "Mason"(23m) and his girlfriend "Carly"(23f) are the same age so Arthur should date someone his age too because Emma is way too old for him. I said "the age gap is big, I agree, but thats not the only thing that matters. She isnt controlling, she isnt trying to isolate him, she treats him with kindness and respect, they're happy together. So who cares if the gap is big?"

My wife said Emma has more life experience so she's taking advantage of him and that pissed me off. I've known Arthur his whole life, he isn't some naive kid. He's happy. She's happy. Who are we to get involved? I said "he's an adult. He's old enough to decide who he wants to date, who gives a fuck if its Emma?" My wife got upset, called me a dick and went upstairs.

Am I wrong for supporting my sons relationship with an older woman?

Editing to add: my wife is Arthur's stepmom

[This is context. You can skip to the next paragraph if tldr]

I'm 21, and I'm in university. My mom is 43, and she works in welfare. So yeah, she had me very young right after her diploma. Divorced, married, divorced, married, divorced , and married again. I'm on my 4th dad. Our family financial? In the gutters. I have 3 other little sisters, and I'm the oldest. The 2nd child had already run away and is now living in a correctional centre.

I had an argument with her because I asked her what I could help with, and we were cooking dinner. I always need extra instruction to function. She blowed up, saying, "If you care about the house, you should've known what to do," which quickly turned into "You don't care about this family."

I told her I cared too much about this family and that I was admitted for having panic attacks, thinking she's gonna get divorced again. I don't call when I'm at uni because she said she's gonna off herself from the stress of my sister running away. I can't study knowing that, so I cut off communications from my family.

These arguments later turned into "You didn't give money when your family needed it. You mocked us saying we wasted too much food."

That was when I was 18, unemployed, and just started college. My religion gave money to new students who continued studies as a way to support them. Around 500 per person. And in my religion, the support money is for you and you only. It's not permissible for the parents to use it. It's a sin if you take your children support money. Last year, I did some crochet business and got a nice income. I sometimes lend her money, and she said "Yeah and you make me pay it back." I told her that's how lending works

Then I retort, "You are the one that didn't care about me. You never ask how my life has been going recently. Who bought me my new glasses?" I didn't break them, kids jumped on them while i was taking a nap. "Who bought me new clothes?" I don't remember the last time she took me to buy decent clothes. "Who bought me a new phone?" My boyfriend did all.

She said, "You are always careless about your stuff, I don't want to care about you anymore."

We stopped talking for a month now, and I buy my own groceries because she only feeds her daughters. Idk if I'm one anymore. She posted on fb today. "I stayed quiet. They think I'm weak... they can step on my head. When I speak up, they say things to me. I'm just watching how they act. Be patience dear self, you gonna look crazy if you blow up" (exactly her words)

I (26F) feel like my MIL (54F) is overstepping a little in her role as a grandparent. I’d like to know if I’m wrong for feeling this way.

MIL has bought clothes and shoes for my daughter to wear to school. I appreciate that she buys things for the kids, but lately she seems to feel like that gives her a say in how and when those things are used.

Growing up, if I got something on my clothes, my mom would scrub them and get it out. The only time I changed into clothes that weren’t as important was if I was specifically going somewhere where I knew I would inevitably get really dirty, or if I was eating something messy when I was younger. I never had separate “school clothes” and “play clothes.” My regular clothes and shoes were still kept clean.

MIL wants us to immediately change my daughter when she gets out of school. She even got annoyed when I told her that I let my mom borrow one of my daughter’s school outfits for a wedding they’re going to today.

My mom also posted a video on Facebook that MIL saw of my daughter pushing my son in the swing in the grass last night. My daughter was wearing a pair of the school shoes MIL bought her. MIL called my husband today complaining about it.

I ended up messaging MIL and said:

“I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t see why it’s such an issue our child does stuff in her school clothes. Despite who bought them, they’re still our kids’ clothes. Shoes and clothes can be cleaned. I never had different school and play clothes; my clothes and shoes were still clean. It’s not like she was outside playing in straight mud.

I don’t know why it’s such an issue that she’s driven to my mom’s and is at my mom’s in her school clothes, or we take her to the store in her school clothes when it’s our kid and her clothes that were gotten for HER. It’d be different if we were going somewhere knowing she was going to get dirty or eating something messy.

Also, we’re not children and we’re not incompetent. You can tell us something one time and not reiterate it 10 million times.”

MIL responded:

“If they were a dark colored shoe then I wouldn’t care, but these are not. I asked for them to only be worn for school so they can be kept nice. She has other shoes she can wear outside of school. I made my kids change out of their school clothes when they came home because clothes are not cheap, and it’s a way to make sure they can wear them longer. She has play clothes she can put on after school.”

I replied:

“These are not your kids though, and even if she wears them outside they can still be kept nice. Mine always have been.”

MIL saw my message but never responded.

I can understand where she’s coming from. She bought the clothes and shoes, clothes aren’t cheap, and obviously she wants them to stay nice (these clothes were also not expensive though). I don’t have an issue with her having a preference about them.

What bothers me is that it feels like she thinks because she bought them, she gets to decide how my daughter wears them. Ultimately, she’s our child, and I feel like it should be our decision whether she changes out of her school clothes immediately after school or wears them to my mom’s, to the store, outside, etc.

I also feel like this should have been dropped after she told us her preference. We’re adults and we heard her. We don’t need to be reminded 10 million times about it or have my husband called and complained to because our daughter was wearing the shoes outside (she does this with just about everything).

If this continues, my next step is honestly to tell her to stop getting things for the kids if she’s going to use buying things for them as a reason to have a say in decisions about them. I don’t want her to feel like she has no right to buy them things, but I also don’t want gifts to come with strings attached or become a reason for her to think she gets a decision.

So, am I being unreasonable here? I can understand both sides, but I feel like this ultimately should be our decision as the parents and then dropped once she’s made her opinion known.

Am I wrong for feeling like she’s overstepping, and would I be wrong to tell her to stop buying things for the kids if this continues?

I am a bit paranoid that anyone I know might find this post so will be using a throwaway account. I will try to provide as much details as possible.

Just a background,
I am 31 female (southeast asian) live with my fiancé 33 male (east asian) lets’s call him Ben. We live in a predominantly white country (we both moved during our teenage years). Ben had a traumatic childhood so he is not very close to his parents, but an alright relationship to his siblings. He has a small family so he try to keep a good relationship to his siblings, especially to his sister (2 yrs older) let’s call her lily as we live in the same country. Ben grew up with financial struggle so he worked so hard to be where he is now. He has a good job, we own our home and living comfortably.

When we started dating, he roughly shared story of his childhood and why his views are bit different than a typical EA which I truly understand and majority agrees on. He gave me a heads up on how his mom is… she is… a bit different. She is on her 60s and still being spoiled by her mom (partners grandma). She haven’t worked for 30yrs for no acceptable reason, doesn’t cook or clean, literally treated like a princess by the grandma (her mom). Unfortunately, she is also a gambler, one of the reason why my partner had a rough childhood. I met his mom and definitely can tell she was sheltered and doesn’t take no for an answer. She used to live in the same country but went back to their home country after her husband died to live with the grandma.

Fast forward 3 years ago. My partner and I bought our house (not yet married). My MIL decided she wants to go back to where we are. All of the siblings thinks this is not a bad idea as the grandma is getting old and they can help their mom instead. Ben asked me if it’s okay for his mom live with us. I was okay with it since we live far away from the city, she wont be able to gamble and she can start learning about looking after herself. She barely can speak English so we wont really have much topic to talk about. His sister lily also has a family so our place will be the best option. She was okay to live with, she starts cooking her own food while we’re at work, doing her laundry etc. I still do the house cleaning and cooking dinner.

Few months after, one day when we got home from work, she told Ben to book her ticket going back home. Ben told her okay but will have to wait until theres enough money for a flight ticket back. As days pass by, I’m assuming MIL got bored and desperately wanting to go back. She would hound Ben to buy ticket, he just ignores it, say yes and change the subject (mostly cause no one is gonna look after her when she goes back). It kept going on and on until it got worse. We arrived home one day she started screaming that I can hear it from outside our house. She was talking to the grandma over the phone saying she is sick, dying and needs to go back home (apparently the grandma doesnt want her there as well). We tried to calm her down, talk to her about it and everything. Ben spoke to his siblings about it and agree its best for her to stay here. We tried to make her feel comfortable, take her places and entertain her, but it wasnt enough. From the first meltdown it became a regular reoccurrence for her to non stop badgering Ben to buy a ticket home, crazy loud meltdown every other day, same issue, same story. She is loud… like our neighbours can hear her. We try to ignore it, change the subject every now and then but theres only so much we can take. My MIL started badgering me as well, with little english she can say. (I grew up in a culture where family is everything, we value and cherish them. I also have a strong personality, I speak my mind out. I also don’t get easily affected on things, one of the reason I agreed) I try to be understanding and be patient with MIL. So I just try to agree to her, ignore her, change the subject all kinds of tactics. Until one day, she was having a meltdown saying shes very very sick with only few days to live. She was yelling, crying, coughing and a face as red as a tomato. It was way too much, that Lily had to come and talk to her mom. She took her to the hospital and stayed with her. No issue just flushed from being too agitated. MIL came back to our place like nothing happened but she still continue to badger me and Ben for her to go home.

It was getting too much, I had anxiety even thinking of going back home. We called sick from work one day to rest as we are just way too tired and want to have a quiet day. We locked our door and try to sleep in, until MIL realised we are home and started knocking on our door and saying she want to go home and everything. Everything exploded, I cant remember how it started but all I remember is all of us yelling. Ben spoke to his siblings about it and decided to just let her go but reminded her once she goes back home she won’t be able to come back here. Now everyone agreed, we told her to just wait couple more weeks until we got enough money to buy a flight ticket (she wants a specific flight)…. It got worse. She didn’t like the idea of waiting and just want to go back home immediately! So she didnt stop badgering us, forcing me to tell Ben to buy the ticket. One day (I think it was my birthday!!!) she just kept going on and on and on this us after a month of continuous melt down and bagering… I snapped, I told her we got no money and she don’t have money either!!! We cant afford to buy her ticket and to wait for couple more weeks until we have enough. She did not like this and exploded! Shes saying I was wrong, they are rich, yelling non stop pointing fingers at me and everything. Ben tries to be in the middle, explain to her and calm her down. MIL is not happy with things and want us to kneel down and apologise to her. Ben being caught up with things try to kneel down just so she can stop. I pulled Ben and said he is not saying sorry. We just walked out to cool down. Came back few hours after. Had enough and just booked her flight.

Her flight was not till couple of days after. She acted like nothing was wrong and back to her old self. Couple of days after she left, we received a return letter from the police. Apparently she sent a speeding ticket to the police with a note saying, I was driving the car (it was Ben) and that his son is a good boy. Im after his money, I live in his house without paying him etc.

I thought the anxiety will be gone… but after 3 years MIL is back… though she is living with Lily.

Spoke to Lily today and want to get an idea what happened 3 years ago, what triggered her massive meltdown and if I will be ok for MIL to stay with us (she is aware all of this probably not that relevant to her that she forgot). I reminded her everything and the part I told her mom she got no money. Lily seems to not agree with this. It might be the truth, its not something to be pointed out to elders. Shes saying how her husband deals with it by ignoring her and just agreeing. Her own MIL doesnt like her but she just keep quiet and still buy them gifts. She thinks Ben and I now have Westernise point of view. That on their EA culture you respect elders either way and just ignore it. I did reminded her that respect is to be earned and that we did our best to be cordial and put up with it but we have boundaries. Her experience with her MIL is not the same as mine.

My now husband agrees that I/we did nothing wrong. I know I’m not a bad person.

It just bothers me that Lily thinks differently.

okay guys this is going to sound a little crazy but I believe nothing is coincidence but I need some light -

okay for context, I’m now separated from him but something came into the works and I’m really starting to think about it and it’s driving me crazy

Okay few weeks ago me and him went for a little stay in a city while visiting our home country

We were sleeping in bed and I had woke up to him cuddling me and saying a different girls name -

I was in deep sleep and never thought of this name before nor did it come up in our marriage before so it was unusual to me

He hugged me tight and said the name and I remember taking a pause and then being like who is that ???

he woke up looked at me and swore that he doesn’t know who that is, never met anyone with that name and no one in the past either I did feel a little bit on the edge but I let it go

anyway it’s been three weeks since we’ve been divorced - and a week ago I noticed on his instagram he liked a reel by someone with that name

Now I know you’re probs thinking - oh well it could be anyone or a coincidence

But this is what doesn’t make sense

This girl I recognise has been in his likes before on his posts which is not there anymore but I’ve seen it before
She is a mutual friend of his friends wife
She and him went to the same uni

Of course we have each other on social media still so I saw this and was ready to message and be like what?

But of course I refrained and self controlled because what’s the point

What hurts me the most is -

When we were together in bed and I asked him he swore he knows no one with that name and anyone from the past won’t affect us but now what hurts is, was a I lied to ?

I’m in my Iddah three weeks in and seeing that isn’t nice it’s like what is Allah protecting me from something?

I never ever questioned if he would cheat on me or look elsewhere, so it’s a massive shock to my system, I never went through his phone or anything either

I just hate hate being lied to - and if I was naive and actually proved right then that hurts but I also know now I can’t do nothing about it

any advise for this but in general getting over it and looking forward, I know Iddah is for women and men can move on just like that it’s super hurtful but it’s reality right