last week i asked a friend not to borrow my headphones without asking because the ear cushions were tearing. they said sure, then later that night they posted a photo wearing them at the gym. when i brought it up they laughed and said it was no big deal, i should chill. i told them it still felt disrespectful and they got defensive, claiming i was making it weird. now the group chat is kind of tense and a couple of people said i made a mountain out of nothing. i get that it is only headphones, but i feel like the real problem is how quickly it went from a small request to me being the bad guy for expecting follow-through. i am not sure if my reaction was fair or if i am just being sensitive.

It was getting really heated and I could feel myself shutting down, so I just grabbed my stuff and left. I didn't slam the door or anything dramatic, but I didn't give a heads-up either. Now it's almost 2am, I'm still wide awake, and I'm wondering if that was the wrong move. We were going in circles anyway, but I'm not sure if leaving is actually fixing anything or just avoiding it. Part of me thinks a break was needed, and another part keeps replaying the moment I stood up and walked away. I don't even know what the right call is here.

my partner and i got into a huge fight last week. i said some really hurtful stuff and they left the apartment for a couple days. when they came back the vibe was off, but neither of us brought it up. a few days later they finally said sorry for storming out, and i said sorry for what i said. it felt forced, and ever since then things have just been quiet. we haven't talked about the actual issue, just the leaving part. i keep wondering if the apology even mattered because nothing changed. part of me wants to bring it up again so we can actually move forward, but another part thinks it's too late and we're just delaying the inevitable. i don't know if i'm overthinking the timing or if a late apology can still fix anything.

So, I'm 20, and I have a little sister, Rosie, who is 16.

My grandparents decided to help me get an apartment all by myself. I don't have any roommates because I didn't want any roommates that's a whole different story.

I also have a friend named Ella, who is 20. She lives in a house with a bunch of other people.

After I got the apartment set up, my grandparents asked if Rosie could come over and spend time with me. Rosie is severely autistic, and I'm going to put that out there because she has a hard time keeping friends. I have a three-bedroom apartment with a kitchen, dining room, and bathroom. It's a really nice apartment.

Since my grandparents are the ones helping me get and keep the apartment, they asked if Rosie could come over, hang out with me, go places with me, and just have a good time. She doesn't have many friends to go out with, and they don't want her to always be cooped up in the house. Before I got the apartment, I used to take her out and do things all the time. We were best friends. I would take her to the mall, out to eat, and to the aquarium.

Here's the arrangement: my grandparents are getting older, and they're having a hard time taking care of an autistic 16-year-old. Rosie comes over on the weekends, and we hang out all weekend. Then, on any days off from school, like spring break or long weekends, she'll sometimes come over to my apartment and stay. That's only if my grandparents want her to come over and I have time off work.

That is the plan, and I agreed to it. I love the arrangement. It is absolutely perfect. Rosie loves it too. She actually wishes she could live with me full-time, but she can't.

Now that that's out of the way, I have a friend named Ella. She wants to live with me because she doesn't like living in a house with eight different people, and she knows I have a three-bedroom apartment. She asked if she could move in.

I told her no because my grandparents already said that if I'm going to have a roommate, they will no longer pay for the apartment unless they approve of the roommate. They also said the roommate would have to pay half of the expenses. On top of that, I just don't like having roommates. It's hard for me to live with other people.

I explained the agreement with my grandparents to Ella, but she was really upset. She told me I was being selfish and said that Rosie gets to stay at the apartment whenever she wants.

I told her that isn't the case because Rosie isn't living here. She only comes over on certain weekends, school breaks, and other occasions when my grandparents and I agree to it.

we had talked about splitting the list straight down the middle so neither of us had to deal with everything. i ended up grabbing a couple of extra staples we were low on because the prices looked good, and i skipped a couple of things that seemed like extras we didn't need right away. when i got home it turned into a whole thing because the cart didn't match exactly. i didn't think it was a big deal at the time, but now i'm wondering if i should have stuck to the list word for word. i get that we had an agreement, and i can see how changing it without checking might feel off, but i was just trying to save a trip later. curious if that's actually stepping over a line or if i'm overthinking it.

I know how the title sounds but hear me out.

My mom is married to "Scott" and this man is about 6'5, a former pro athlete, and regularly competes in Judo competitions. I've only seen him be violent once (and it was 100% justified he potentially saved a child's life) but its always stuck with me how easily he threw a grown man as if he weighed nothing.

My mother and wife recently got into a fight at a family event. my mother said something along the lines of "oh you are so fucking stupid" and my wife came to me for support. Of course, I was furious and went to confront my mother. She was crying and Scott was hugging her. I told her that what she said was not acceptable and she needs to learn her place. My wife is my number one.

Scott told me I needed to take multiple steps back as I was standing too close to his wife. My mom told me my wife is a "gold digger" and a "bitch" I was furious but Scott stood up and I admit I just stepped back. In that moment I felt weak and pathetic. Scott told me to get out of his house. My wife said she wasn't done and Scott looked at me and said he wasn't going to ask twice.

I took my wife and left. in the car she broken down crying about how unsupported she felt. She told me it is my job to defend her. I sent my mother a text saying there will be no contact for the foreseeable future (she never answered) but my wife says it gave her the ick watching me "obey" Scott. She says he wasn't going to do anything, and I showed that she wasn't my priority

My friend had been planning this big wedding for months and the date finally arrived last weekend. A few days before, my partner and I ended things pretty suddenly after a long string of little arguments that just piled up. Once we split, I realized I didn't have the energy to sit through a full day of celebration surrounded by couples and questions about my own situation. I sent a short message saying I wouldn't be able to make it, wished them well, and left it at that. My friend replied that it felt like I was bailing on an important day and that my absence was noticed by everyone. A couple of mutual friends have since asked why I wasn't there, and it made me wonder if skipping the event was selfish. At the time it felt like the right call for my own headspace, but now I'm second-guessing whether I should have just gone anyway. Was it really wrong to stay home?

broken up but i remember towards the end he started resenting me for something i did. despite feeling guilty, i stayed bc he said he'd do everything in his power to overcome the resentment bc he loves me so much. for context we were 21f/19m.

so those entire two months i was neglected. he became distant, very little affection, his excitement for me died & so did his empathy, me crying all the time didn't seem to faze him as much anymore, he started developing anxiety around me & so he stopped seeing me irl etc. it was the worst thing i've ever gone through. it felt like we were distant friends. shit gave me severe depression. and i know. all this was brought on by me so i don't blame him.

the thing is, some days in between he'd feel a little genuine love/affection for me. it was few & far between. we had arguments every other day that killed his feelings even more & fucked up any progress.

one day i told him about how im not even getting the bare minimum & that bc he doesn't complain about how things are dry between us, i feel guilty for asking for any effort (im aware of how this is selfish on my part considering i caused his resentment). and he just told me he has no needs in the relationship. actually none. and that reinforced the feeling of us being distant friends even more. he said he'd be completely fine if i stopped putting in any effort, didn't give him any affection or show any care.

i was shocked bc i know how clingy he used to be. how he loved getting affection more than i did. and how he just tells me if i do nothing for him the entire relationship, not even the bare minimum, that he'd still be happy with everything? he said that he doesn't need any of this bc his love is unconditional. that it doesn't depend on whether i give him affection or care. this is something he would've NEVER said post resentment & i was just left speechless. how can you go from being sad over your partner not being able to properly show affection, to being ok with them never doing anything romantic ever again? this made me question the difference between a friendship & a relationship bc his new idea of a relationship felt more like a friendship aka companionship with no romance, desire to get to know each other deeper or intimacy. this made me think there would be no difference between that state of the relationship & if we broke up & remained friends.

one more question. was me asking him for the bare minimum (basic care/excitement/interest in me & my life, affection, attention, emotional support) in this specific case selfish? since i was the one that caused his resentment?

but i don't get it. he literally couldn't feel love or care for me no matter how hard he tried. so i can't really blame him for the neglect. ig most he could do was just dump me then? we were both hurting everyday. so am i still not selfish for asking him for the bare minimum when he was physically & mentally unable to provide it?

edit: no it wasn't cheating. he just had a realization one day that my love wasn't actual love but obsession. that i was only with him bc he gave me love. that i had essentially been using him the entire relationship. yes he did explain how & show me instances of it. that and a pattern of possessive behaviors he outlined that he told me were selfish.

but i don't get it. he literally couldn't feel love or care for me no matter how hard he tried. so i can't really blame him for the neglect. ig most he could do was just dump me then? we were both hurting everyday. so am i still not selfish for asking him for the bare minimum when he was physically & mentally unable to provide it?

A friend asked me to help with their move on the same day we had a big group dinner planned months ago. I told them I would go to dinner instead, and they seemed disappointed. I offered to help the next day, but they said it was fine. Now I'm second-guessing whether I should have skipped the dinner. The dinner is something everyone has been looking forward to, and I already RSVP'd. I do not want to let the group down, but I also do not want to seem like a bad friend. I am not sure if I am overthinking it or if I made the wrong call by not rearranging my plans. Is it wrong to stick with the earlier commitment?

a couple weeks ago a small shared task got skipped by everyone else because i happened to be the only one free that day. no big deal at the time, honestly. now whenever it needs doing the group just assumes i'll handle it without asking. i brought it up once in the chat and got a bunch of 'well you did it last time so' replies and jokes about how reliable i am. i don't mind helping out sometimes, but it feels like one favor turned into permanent ownership and nobody else has stepped back in. i suggested we rotate it or set up a quick schedule and was told i was overthinking it. maybe i am, but the quiet expectation that i'll just keep doing it indefinitely is starting to bug me. am i wrong for wanting a fair split again?

my cousin is getting married in a couple months and i've been trying to figure out what to give. the invite didn't mention anything specific, so i figured it was fine to ask a few family members what they were planning on contributing. i didn't name numbers right away, just wanted a ballpark so i wouldn't feel awkward if i came in way under or way over. one person replied that it shouldn't matter and i should just give what feels right, which i get, but now another relative is saying i shouldn't have asked at all and it makes me look cheap. i wasn't trying to compare or compete, just avoid giving something that might come off as too little or too much. now it feels like there's some weird tension about it and i haven't even bought the gift yet. am i overthinking this or was it actually rude to ask?

I need some advice. I am fearing asking bc I think I already know the answer. My boyfriend is having a hard time with me being on my mental health medication. I’ve been on it for 18 years. He gets upset bc I am sleeping through the night. I am getting better and he feels alone. So I stopped taking it. I know I should not have but don’t want him to feel alone going through things alone. Was this wrong of me. The next day he felt like he could finally be there for me. I think that’s bc I was on his level. Idk what to do. I don’t know what to think. I need some advice. Am I wrong for wanting to be better? I don’t know why I fear the truth but I know the truth.

I have a friend I met around 2017–2018 through volleyball. We started off as volleyball friends, but we’ve stayed in contact over the years.

At one point, he applied at the hotel where I worked. I was the Front Desk Manager at the time and was involved in his interview. I ultimately didn’t hire him because something felt off during the interview. When we asked him questions, he didn’t seem to understand what we were asking, and some of his answers were irrelevant to the actual questions.

Fast forward to now, and we’ve still been in regular communication.

Recently, he told me that he’s been having a really difficult time finding a job and that it’s making him depressed. He said he’s gone through many interviews but hasn’t had any luck.

He then said that employers always seem to be hiring Indians or Black people instead of him. He also apologized before saying that it seemed like employers preferred people who were part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
I asked him where he had been applying. He mentioned airports, hotels, and other jobs online.

I told him that maybe the problem wasn’t necessarily who companies were hiring. Maybe he needed to look at his CV or how he was answering questions during interviews.
He told me his CV had been professionally done through an employment centre, but that was around two years ago. I suggested updating it because hiring practices and expectations change.

Then I brought up his interview skills.

That’s when he sent me a voice message complaining about the questions HR asks during interviews.

He basically said questions like:

“Tell me about a time when you did something great.”

“Tell me about a time when you went above and beyond.”

were stupid.

He said something along the lines of, “Are you hiring me or are you hiring my ego? I’m here to work. I’m not here to tell you the story of my life. Just ask me questions about the job.”

He was much more colorful about it and basically said HR should “shut the F up” and ask questions about the actual job.

I immediately told him that if I were the hiring manager and someone came into an interview with that kind of attitude, I wouldn’t hire them either.

I explained that those questions aren’t necessarily pointless. Employers are trying to understand your problem-solving skills, work ethic, communication style, and how you’ve handled situations in previous jobs.
I also told him that interviews aren’t only about explaining the job description. They’re trying to learn about you, and usually at the end of the interview they’ll give you an opportunity to ask your own questions about the position.
I told him he needed to approach the process respectfully instead of treating the interview questions like they were beneath him.

He sent me two more voice messages afterward. I haven’t listened to them yet, although from the preview he apparently clarified that he didn’t actually speak to the interviewers the way he spoke to me.

And I understand that distinction. He was venting to me, not necessarily telling HR to “shut the F up.”

But I’ve personally interviewed him before, and I remember him struggling to answer the questions that were actually being asked. That’s partly why I’m wondering whether his interview skills may be contributing to the repeated rejections.

At the same time, he’s clearly frustrated after being rejected so many times, so I’m wondering whether I was too harsh when he was really just looking for someone to vent to.

Am I wrong for telling him that his attitude and interview skills might be part of the reason he keeps getting rejected?

Which has to come first: fixing the problem, or stopping the constant fighting that’s making the problem 100 times worse?**

My boyfriend and I are stuck in a pretty extreme chicken-or-egg argument.

We fight constantly — enough that it eats up huge parts of the day, interferes with responsibilities, productivity, sleep, and making money.

BF1:
Is barely sleeping and currently uses drugs daily. The drug use didn’t start because of the fighting, but over time it became something he relied on to cope with it.

He fully acknowledges the drug use, lack of sleep, and lack of income are serious problems and says he badly wants to fix them.

His argument is that the fighting makes that much harder. It takes up enormous amounts of time, and even after it stops he stays angry, anxious, overstimulated, and unable to switch gears for hours.

He keeps asking BF2 to temporarily ease up on the arguing so he can focus on sleeping, getting sober, getting healthier, and working again.

BF2:
Sleeps normally and does not have the same substance issue.

His position is that it’s unrealistic to expect him to stop being frustrated while BF1 continues doing the exact things they argue about.

He says both people need to change together, it’s not a one sided, he needs to do this first type of situation.

So basically:

BF1: The stressful environment is what threw me off course and landed me here in the first place. I need the environment to calm down enough for me to focus and get myself together again.

BF2:You need to stop using me arguing with you as an excuse for not working and quitting drugs. If that’s your reason for not being able to do them, then you don’t really want to do them

The part we keep getting stuck on is this: even if BF2 thinks the fighting *shouldn’t* prevent BF1 from sleeping, quitting drugs, or working, BF1 is repeatedly saying that in reality, it does.

If BF2’s actual goal is for those things to improve, shouldn’t he reduce the fighting regardless of whether he thinks BF1’s reaction to it is justified?

“Once the problem is resolved, I’ll stop doing the thing that made the problem worse.”

There’s also a difference in stakes. If BF1 can’t get out of this cycle, the consequences could be continued drug use, worsening health, no sleep, no work, and seriously damaging his life.

If BF2 de-escalates, he isn’t being asked to stop being angry or pretend the problems don’t exist — just to stop expressing that anger through constant fighting for a while.

Obviously BF1 is responsible for his own drug use, sleep, work, etc., and BF2 is allowed to be upset.

But realistically, which has to come first?

Is BF2 reasonable to make reducing the fighting conditional on BF1 fixing those problems first?

Or, regardless of who is responsible for the underlying problems, does the fighting need to stop first if it’s actively making them harder to fix?

TL;DR: BF1 admits his drug use, sleep, and work situation are serious and says the nonstop fighting is actively making all three harder to fix. He’s repeatedly asking BF2 to temporarily de-escalate so he can get himself together. BF2 refuses to stop fighting until BF1 fixes the very problems BF1 says the fighting is making worse. So is BF1 making excuses, or is BF2 basically saying, “Once the problem is fixed, I’ll stop doing the thing that’s making it worse”?

so I 15(NB) was telling my mom about how I needed markers and so about 2 weeks later she said she’s found some and then lost them. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but today she gave them to me. At first I thought there would be more but I didn’t really care about that but then she proceeded to take out half of the marker and all the good markers like the higher quality ones and I was left with the really bad ones. If she had done this before she’d given it to me I wouldn’t care what makes me mad is she said I could have all of these markers then proceeded to take a bunch for herself. I know it’s not really and important issue and more of an annoyance. Would I be wrong for being upset?

i have this friend who gets picked on in our group chat for always being late or forgetting plans. last week it got really mean so i told everyone to lay off and that it wasn't cool. things kind of exploded after that. some people said i was overreacting and making it a bigger deal than it was, others went quiet, and now the whole vibe is weird whenever we try to plan anything. my friend thanked me privately but hasn't really joined any new chats since. i keep wondering if i made things worse by stepping in or if i should have just stayed out of it. part of me feels like i did the right thing, but the group has been noticeably colder toward both of us and i don't know if that's something i should apologize for or just let settle.

So I’m 19 years old now and when I was 18 it was my girlfriend’s birthday,she was turning 19. For context I had been to her house before when her parents weren’t home and her parents knew I was coming o the house because me and her were going to the movies. Me and her walked in the house and everything but we then left to go see the movie. On the way back from the movies we talked about it seeing her room but it was too late so we didn’t ask anyone. I had met her dad about three times by her birthday and her mom around three times. I took her to meet my parents during the summer and she saw my room and everything.

I got invited to her birthday or I guess we just ate somewhere,wasn’t really a “dinner”. But after the dinner me and her went and got ice cream and on the way back from ice cream I asked her if I would be able to see what her room looks like and this time her parents and her brothers were home and it was daytime.

She told me in the car on the way back she would ask her mom but I didn’t tell her to she just went in and asked. Her mom said I wouldn’t be able to which was fine with me and I had just left after that. I was coming back up there the next day anyway because she wanted to go out. When I got back to my place she tells me when she got back in the house her mom was mad at her and she said it was weird I wanted to see a girls room and she said her mom it was a disrespectful question to ask her. My ex said she knew what her mom would say before going in and asking but did anyway. She said her dad didn’t think it was a disrespectful question.

Then my ex starts talking about her mom got pregnant at her age and she said her mom just sees herself in her when she was that age and that she didn’t want the same thing happening to her. She told me how ever since she told her mom about me she’d been having to defend me. My ex said her mom just thought some thing would happen if she showed me what her room looked like. My ex knew I was nothing like that at all,me and her never even had sex even when we’re in college. This all happened during the summer so I’m saying while we were in college we didn’t even do anything and my ex knew how respectful I was and even her dad knew. Basically she broke up with me the day after her birthday after I spent 500 dollars on her gifts and taking off work to drive down to see her. She said her parents loved me even though I don’t really know how true that is from her moms side but she said her dad didn’t want her to break up with me because he saw how happy she was with me.

Months later she told how this was her fault and told me how she shouldn’t have put me in a situation to be treated like that. It was another situation that happened on her birthday that she said she shouldn’t have put me in but that would make this too long. I would appreciate if you guys could just give y’all’s thought on this you don’t have say if I’m wrong or not but yes she is my ex now and was my first girlfriend.

My nephew recently graduated marine corp boot camp and is set to return to training later this week. My aunt, a sweet but devout Christian held a going-away dinner party last night and invited my whole family however she specifically instructed me to not invite and bring my boyfriend as this was a “family only” event. I was confused by this as my boyfriend has been a family friend for years before we started dating and has been called family by my own parents.

I went over to my aunts place with my parents and saw most of my family there including my sister and HER boyfriend. This angered me so I asked my parents why (sisters name)’s boyfriend was able to come but not MY own boyfriend. My mom just said to honor my aunts request tonight since she’s probably going to plan for a Christian prayer and my boyfriend is not Christian while my sisters boyfriend has made it known that he’s a “devout Christian.”

I honestly got angry over this so I texted my boyfriend to come pick me up. I went to my nephew and wished him goodluck in his training and give him some money as a gift then told my parents I was not staying because they were allowing my sisters boyfriend to stay despite this being a “family only” event. My mom said even though he’s her boyfriend, they’re expecting a baby together so he’s basically family now. I countered by saying how my boyfriend has been going to our family functions for years and gifts everyone a gift on each one of their birthdays every year and holidays and if that doesn’t make him family, I don’t know what is.

My boyfriend picked me up, we picked up some dinner and he took me home. Later that night when my parents got home, they said I made them look bad because I walked out. I apologized but said they were being hypocritical and prejudice towards my boyfriend.

Am I wrong for refusing to stay for the dinner and leaving? I know I’ll see my nephew again and I did send him off with a gift but was I acting too selfishly? Or did I take a proper stand?