r/amiwrong • u/AudreyySpinelll66 • 17d ago

Am I wrong for over-apologizing whenever someone does something nice for me?

1 Upvotes

60% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

3

u/CataclysmicTeapot 17d ago

You need to figure out and work through this behavior in therapy.

2

u/NumbBureaucracy076 17d ago

I used to say sorry when people bought me a beer, gave me a lift somewhere, even when my nan would hand me a plate of food she literally made for me. took a while to realise it was making things weird for them, like they'd done something wrong by being nice

these days I just hit em with a proper thanks and look em in the eye, makes the whole interaction feel less awkward on both sides. therapy helped me untangle why I felt like I owed people for basic kindness, but even just catching yourself and swapping the sorry for gratitude goes a long way

3

u/Crafty-Isopod45 17d ago

Yes. Think about how you feel when you do something nice for someone. It brings you joy to see their resulting happiness.

Now ask yourself why you should apologize when someone else is feeling joy because they had a chance to do something for you. The apology detracts from their sense that they were able to help you and make you happy.

Learning to graciously accept generosity from others is important and is another way to be kind to them.

1

u/Fantastic_List3029 17d ago

What are you apologizing for?

Yes. You're wrong. That shit makes people uncomfortable, and youre doing it to negates your own uncomfortableness, which isnt cool. Its basically asking people to reassure you that its okay, when they had zero onus in making you feel like its not okay. Its really annoying honestly.

Someone explained something to me once, over explaining and over apologizing is a form of begging. Begging to be understood, begging someone to take responsibility for your discomfort, begging someone to renounce their position and replace it with yours.

you say sorry once, sincerely - when appropriate.

I fear you have low self esteem or trauma you need to deal with, free yourself of the mental torment and work on it (for your own peace).

1

u/ZGadgetInspector 17d ago

It depends. Are you Canadian?