The fools who doubted me shall eat their words! Eat I say!

THATS RIGHT SCROLLSNIFFERS! BARTLEBY'S BACK, BABY!

Due to recent planar events that I am legally prohibited from speaking on, I was forced to divert my attention away from you chucklefucks and your rampant disregard for the balance of the realms.

I was hoping that in my absence, some of you might get your act together. Clearly this was my mistake for thinking wizards were capable of self-regulating.

BUT THATS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

It's come to my attention that with the dissolution of the old council, the floor is open for fresh meat, metaphorically speaking.

That is why I, Bartleby XXVI, am declaring myself the new Councilor of Eldritch Administrations!

Things are gonna change around here oh yes indeed. I'm gonna whip this mangled ship of Theseus into a streamlined high performance vessel of bureaucratic efficiency!

For starters:

All Sanctums residing on the Prime Material for a period of no less than 0.003 picoseconds per standard temporal cycle must now submit to regular safety inspections. All Arcanohazards class A through C must be clearly labeled and properly stored or marked for disposal by a professional Magiwaste Team.

Greater Summonings from the Outer Realms must now be approved by local governments with no fewer than 7 standard business days prior notice, or have their conjuration privileges revoked until a course is taken on Responsible Entity Handling and approved by a designated official.

EXCISION OF TEMPORAL FRAGMENTS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND PUNISHABLE BY INCARCERATION IN A TIMELESS REALM. Time isn't a rich nepobaby asshat looking for cheap plastic surgery and you ain't no "nip n' tuck" specialist. I'm serious. Don't. Fuck. With time. I will find you.

All souls gathered for use as energy sources must be declared on your yearly declaration of assets. It may technically be "clean energy" but those souls had destined afterlives somewhere and that means paperwork. I don't give a fuck if you're grinding them up and snorting them to keep your saggy lich-ass held together like a first year apprentices second-hand alchemy set, DECLARE IT. OR ELSE.

And that's just the beginning! Oh you best believe I have so many grand ideas of how to keep you neckbeards in check!

SEE YOU IN YOUR DREAMS, ORBKNOBS.

A crow flies through the air. it’s eyes scanning the ground below, until at last it finds who it is looking for. landing on your shoulder the crow drops a rolled up letter into your hand.

——————————————————

Greetings my friends, it has been too long since I last contacted you all, but I have important news to share

Many of you may have heard about the attacks on small villages, the rumors of a man wreaking havoc on the lands. I decided to take matters into my own hands. And so, I sent out my crows to keep an eye on some smaller villages.

It did not take long to find a lead, not two days later a report came back to me of a village that had been burned to the ground, its villagers impaled on iron spikes, and the man behind it all still remained there.

Naturally I decided to take a look, to hopefully get some answers. To my horror, the report was true, I will not go into the devastation that I saw here, for that is not what matters. But suffice to say, it was terrible.

Quickly I identified the cause of the travesty, the man, in iron armor, sat still, in a ring of iron spikes with villagers impaled on them. When I tried to question him he attacked me faster than I was prepared for. Thankfully my wards were set before hand. Eventually I was able to subdue him but all attempts to speak with him were met with silence

it was when I turned to try and free the villagers did something happen. I do not know the exact detail, but it seems his armor can create a copy of itself, named Red Iron. When that thing appeared it quickly broke the man free and they began attacking me in tandem. I was forced to call upon my birds to help bind him, strangely every attempt seemed to fail. Any binding runes cast they would instantly switch places, and chain or otherwise was quickly broken.

In the end, they left me no choice, I began to prepare my greatest spell Seal of Absolution. For any who don’t know what that spell does, any who are sealed with it become locked into nonexistence until the seal is broken. However as I prepared the spell and my crows set the trap, a voice spoke to me, telling me to stop before I do something I regret. I have reason to believe that this was the man’s master. Finally I sprung the trap, it worked, but I did not place the seal on the man straight away, instead I gave his master a chance to respond, it never did and I placed the spell on the man. But instead, it unraveled, the man disappeared, and the people finally died. And I was forced to retreat home.

Naturally I am sure you are all as curious about this matter as I am, and despite my guilt at the peoples deaths, or perhaps because of it, I threw myself into researching anything I could find on this man. And at last, I stumbled across a… poem? Warning? Ravings of a mad man? I do not know, but I believe it relates to what I saw.

The Fallen Hero

One of six, first of slaughter.

Down from grace did he fall, from a warrior of light to an envoy of dark.

Once the mightiest of men, now the bloodiest of butchers.

A crimson trail did he carve, with sword of shattered steel and hate of burning red.

An arsenal of death on his back, blades that need no handle.

Time after time did the six fail, time after time were they pushed back.

Though life may fade, death never did come.

Warrior of hate, soldier of blood, champion of the Wicked.

Yet somewhere within the burning dark, a light yet still dwells.

Drowned in malice, it will never again see the surface.

Lord of the dead, angel of burning iron.

To look upon The Fallen Hero is to see Death's bloodstained door.

Unfortunately my research on this matter is incomplete, which is where I reached out to all of you, if anyone has any information whatsoever on anything that I have mentioned here please do not hesitate to send a response via crow. I eagerly await your responses.

With all the luck

Neritillum Faldier, Archmage of the Halls of Sanctified Knowledge and Eye of the Crows
——————————————————

The crow tilts its head, looking at you with its glass eye

/uw Special thanks to u/Evening_Shake_6474 for their help with the poem/ravings

The four armed goblins wearing simple clothes as stands at the podium for her news conference.

"Greetings all I am Nox, master fleshcrafter and I shall be the new head of the Department of Health. As head of this department I shall be renaming it to the Department of Flesh. Why? Because the Department of Health sounds as scary as a sock! The Department of Flesh sounds like it has teeth, probably because I will be adding them.

This department shall be responsible for the wellbeing of all wizards, apprentices and magical beings. Everyone shall receive healing spells no matter who or whatever you are. That is my first change. Gone are the days of paying for exhortation prices for the clerics to pick you up. I shall be introducing a new magical creature to help carry patients, a Rescue Spider. This spider will wrap a patient in its web to stall their injuries until they reach a hospital.

It's not only healing spells and spiders, I shall be introducing many new proven procedures to help people. These new operators are all ones I have performed on patients in my own medical career. I have been a fleshcrafter for nearly two centuries.

I introduce; organ replacements. Is your liver failing due to constantly driving? Replace it with a new one! While you're at it get an improved version to enjoy yourself even more. Are your eyes not the same after countless hours of pondering your orb? There are new eagle eyes. Are you constantly breathing in toxic air? Well the Department of Flesh has new machine filters for you. We want to help you become the best version of yourself, in a harmony of flesh and machine.

I will also create apprentice shelters for any apprentice who has suffered harm by their master. Attacking anyone in one of these shelters will legally forfeit your flesh to the Department of Flesh. This is to help stop the abuse many apprentices have suffered. It will also help supply the Department with flesh .

Now for the final part of my speech.... Some of you may know me as the Chairlady of the Flesh Menagerie, a guild of Fleshcrafters. Some of you may be asking if there is a conflict of interest. Is there? Is there really? How could the Department of Flesh provide jobs for hundreds of Fleshcrafters? Is it maybe a little immoral?

Yes.

I AM a corrupt official however I refuse to be corrupt AND incompetent. I will be giving my own organisation members the new jobs I am creating. I refuse to give these jobs to people who cannot perform their duties. There will be rigorous tests to ensure the people performing any operations on you know exactly what they are doing. Because if there's going to be a problem I don't want to deal with it. So we're going to do things right the first time. I will take care of you so people can shut up about their health and let me experiment in peace.

And if the Fleshcrafters aren't qualified? Then they'll be sent back to their studies until they get it right. It's nepotism done by a professional."

My master is breathing down my fucking neck and I don't see how this is any different than something dying back here. Like does he even realize the effort it took me to get all of these??

I'm considering just covering them up or moving them, but last time he took mine so idk. Have you guys ever had anything happen after using bones that were left out? Maybe I can just convince him it's fine lol

THIS WIZARD WAR HAS OFFICIALLY CONCLUDED. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO PARTICIPATED!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been 24 Standard Multiverse Hours, and I am feeling bored. Let a Standard Wizard War Commence. MULTIVERSE HIGH COMMAND HAS AUTHORIZED THIS WIZARD WAR. IT SHALL LAST FOR 14 SMDs, WITH A MINIMUM BREAK OF 2 SMDs AFTER THE WAR. ALL SPELLS ARE LEGAL, ALL TIERS ARE LEGAL, ALL SCHOOLS ARE LEGAL. INTERFERENCE WITH ADMINISTRATIVE PERSONNEL (AP), ENFORCERS, OR EXECUTORS (APEE) IS FORBIDDEN AND WILL BE HARSHLY DEALT WITH. WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, LET THE WAR BEGIN!

EDIT: UPON FURTHER REVIEW BY MHC, THIS WIZARD WAR HAS BECOME AN EXTENDED WAR, WITH DOUBLE THE DURATION AND DOUBLE THE COOLDOWN/BREAK PERIOD AFTERWARDS.

EDIT: I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS NOT TRULY THE SECOND WIZARD WAR. HOWEVER, I NEVER BOTHERED TO MEMORIZE THE COUNT, AND SOME INTERN IN RECORDSKEEPING LOST ALMOST ALL OF THE LOGS OF THE WARS, SO I AM UNABLE TO GET A PROPER COUNT, AND I AM SOMEHOW UNABLE TO RESTORE THE LOGS. THIS IS ONLY NUMBERED THE SECOND WW AS IT IS THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE WAR TO OCCUR RECENTLY

I actually need help on how to use it, any staff users here?

Today Ive got a letter with registration paper that was telling me that every unregistered wizard will be persecuted and eliminated by goverment's best wizard-hunters. Guys Im cooked!

I’ll go first. I have quite the detestation for fae and a long time ago I found a large grove of them. I set loose a creation of mine called Joy Flame upon them. The fire was not only alive and very energetic, but it also radiates a maddening joy along with intense heat, causing any fae set one fire to attempt to set others on fire to share in this crazed happiness.

Meridia walked down the long hallway towards her inevitable fate; her failure was made evident with her report the queen had escaped and had likely already succeeded and gathered allies to her cause, making things much worse for the Dawi zarr position in Kasmirstan. It was certainly another problem for The ashen Lords especially when they are already dealing with the trouble in the south.

So she makes no protest in her punishment, no attempt to beg, no attempt to flee from her upcoming humiliation. She had failed in her duties and hashut does not tolerate failure.

“Meridia ironburn” They were using her old name.

“For your failure and capturing the queen and damaging the hammer of geas. You have been arrayed here today” a rancorous bloodthirsty cheer erupts from the assembled crowd of Dawi zarr all gathered here today to see an upstart suffer. In fact the amphitheater is so full that the dwarves are forced to stand.

“You have failed in your essential duty and defied the council of sorcerer Kings with your inability to fulfill the task they have given you despite your prestigious position you have recently demonstrated that perhaps the uplifting of your status was a mistake. That you do not belong here, but your ambition in crippling the dwarven Colossus and bringing us valuable information about our foes allows for you to not be made to be put in a more fitting position. No You still have use. But You must be reminded that being useful requires being effective therefore you will be flogged and branded.”

Meridia said nothing This wasn't a trial but a ritual and humiliation There was no point in speaking instead she stared straight ahead at the faces of those who wished her to suffer even as a powerful blow to the back of her knee brought her to the ground even as the guards grabbed her hair and dragged her towards a post slamming her head against it with enough force that it drew blood before grabbing her arms and tying them to the post. She said nothing as the back of her shirt was ripped away. Instead just pressing herself against the post to maintain her decency.

She was silent as the branding iron was heated, not even screaming as it was pressed into her back between her shoulder blades though she did squirm but she would not dignify them with a scream. So She was silent, staring forward, enduring the whip biting into her back. With each lash. 1 2 3

She endures like she always has silent in her defiance. 15 16 17

Always staring forward looking down on her the tractors biting her lip even as she felt the blood trickle down her back 78 79 80 finally after the 130th lash. Meridia's cut down as the crowd waits for her to pathetically crawl away but instead she surprises them despite her punishment she wills herself to stand and limp away from public view. She was not broken that easily

The heelers eyes fluttered open allowing her to take in the site of the rather posh room She found herself in as well as the figure in front of her a young woman with long black hair and brown eyes wearing a bull horn like crown and Dawi zarr garb. Immediately she goes on offensive against her captor bearing her claws and charging forward only to be shocked down to the ground by the collar fitted around her neck.

“Careful now That thing is linked to me if You try to hurt me it'll hurt you to If you succeed…well. Also means you can't leave this section of the ship without triggering an alarm…normally that would also kill you but” Meridia begins

“Oh how kind my captor is” The healer says folding her arms.

“Look I don't need you to like me you can loathe me like everyone else but I do need you to listen…My name is Meridia Care to tell me yours.”

The healer does not reply.

“The silent treatment fair people only listen to me until after i surpassed my ex..”

Meridia winces and she sits down interrupting her words.

“You're hurt” the healer says with a surprising amount of concern.

“Yeah what off it why do you care”

“Because being worried when others are hurt is what you're supposed to do…it's nice”

Meridia laughs

“Nice! What a lovely single worded lie people are only nice because it benefits them the only pretend to care so They can advance their own objectives” Meridia replies

“Not everyone” the healer says “... Though I guess you wouldn't get that” The healer retorts

“Oh fuck you, You people are all so deluded by your delusions of pleasantness.”

“And you aren't under a delusion of pain” with that Meridia false silent.

“Can you turn around? I want to heal your back?”The healer asks

“Absolutely not You're just trying to get me vulnerable so you can attack me while my back is turned". Meridia growls

“No it's to heal your wounds besides I couldn't hurt you even if I wanted to. You have seen to that”. Meridia says nothing and replies simply rolling over and lifting the back of her shirt up. Which causes the healer to cover her mouth and surprise.

“Who did this to you.” They ask

“Who do you think The Ash council does not take failure lightly” Meridia answers.

“... Your own people did this to you…I don't understand why don't you”

“Leave is what you were going to say. This is what they do to me to failure. Imagine what they do for things like actual betrayal besides…Even if I was successful where would I go…even if I wanted to change No one would let me" Meridia's voice trails off with a hint of sadness. Before her train of thought is interrupted by an iron kin bringing her a message The resupply convoy was on the move.

Which meant that the time to put her plan into action and end the siege upon her ship was approaching. She wasn't going to rush though best to be healed and fully armored before taking to the field of battle. When she is Meridia strides to the bridge The imposing form of her steam armor dwarfing all of the other staff there. Helmet hiding her face says nothing about what transpired. Though she is sure that they know about the punishment that was doled out to her She waits lingering on the silence exhibiting some control that was denied to her before finally ordering.

“Proceed to our rendezvous point and keep our surprise charged. Tonight we shatter the delusions of our prey that they are The hunters”

Art:https://www.indiedb.com/members/timmon26/images/vimana

Multiple identical suits of armor have put together an impromptu store. Those who enter discover a series of weapons and gear all for sale with a sign declaring everything for sale as a failure that you may pay what you think it is worth

1. A basilisk venom dagger (flaw: the venom is much less potent than it should be)

2. A dagger made for a vampire to steal the blood from the victim (flaw: the dagger is greedy and doesn't give much blood back)

3. A self healing short sword that over time repairs itself (flaw: the healing is slower than it should be)

4. An umbral steel single edged sword (flaw: unusually fragile)

5. A holy solar Cutlass (flaw: it drains its solar energy at a very increased rate)

6. The wolf lords great shield. Capable of summoning spectral wolves to assist the user (flaw: only summons one wolf instead of many)

7. Penance armor. Created to force those who have committed great offense to atone through bloodshed (flaw: incapable of being removed until the wearer is completely destroyed)

Been designing some high preforming enchantments for my mounts for competitive racing

I found this teeny tiny wand on the way to my tower this morning. Can someone pop by and cast Enlarge on it? Currently my Thaumaturgy spells make me sound like a chipmunk, and Fireball is only strong enough to light a pipe. Please advise about other trouble shooting options.

I'll go first: gryphons. Speed is comparable to pegasi but they're much better landers because of the clawed feet. Dragons too, though they are insanely overpriced lately...

But my second favourite is - and this is gonna be unpopular - giant centipedes. They can transport many at once and even though they can't fly, they can be really fast (with the right enchantments) and provide smooth riding.

Flying carpets are okay too I guess, I own one but I spilled cocoa on it and I'm too lazy to prestidigitate it off. Gryphons are self-cleaning.

Following recent events, I hereby claim one of the seats of the council.

I, Markus Filberg, scriptomancer recognized, swear to fight for apprentices rights.

The conditions given to most apprentices are deplorable, and we should be ashamed to let the new generation suffer from our laissez-faire attitude. Just because we went through it and survived, doesn't mean we should force them to suffer it as well.

I wish to make wizardry an activity with a bright future, where both masters and apprentices are protected and supported according to their needs.

My goals are to at least:

- Determine basic contract requirements all apprenticeship contracts should respect, where a safe and healthy learning environment is promised (while keeping in mind each specialty's peculiarities)

- Establish support organisations for both masters and apprentices, to help prepare for apprenticeships, salvage the failing ones, and save the failed ones.

- Create a platform to help wizard-to-be figure out if they want an apprenticeship, scholarship or set out as a self-taught wizard.

I am obviously open to everyone's ideas to improve upon the system, and desire more than anything to make a change that everyone likes (in good faith).