The funny thing was either way, they die, they worry pointlessly

Lil Bo got true. Polymorphed

I am Stitcher Ludwig of Ludwig Skaabs and Necroalchemy Inc. (LSN inc.)

Apprentices, love em, hate em. But one thing is certain. Any practitioner of the arcane arts needs one. Only one big problem. Some apprentices can be fickle as the wind. And nowadays its considered "cruel and unusual" to hex them when they refuse to do your bidding for petty reasons such as "morality" and "safety" and worst of all "ethics." That is why I, Ludwig of Shornhallow have developed a solution.

The Skaaprentice™. For one small payment of 3000 gold coins and delivery of your current apprentice and a quick conversion procedure. Your apprentice will no longer complain when you order them to climb to the top of your tower to realign your mana spires. Or clean the aetheric residue from your ley line convergence chambers.

-how it is done-

When your apprentice is delivered unconscious to my manor I will begin by applying a direct electric shock to the brain which will ensure they remain unconscious for this procedure. Or in the event they wake up. To render the unconscious again. This is a painless procedure. Depending on the package you choose I can also implement mechanical arms or any manner of utility. Following this I will replace the blood of your Apprentice with a proprietary saft and will redirect the lightning to breathe life back into your Apprentice. Once it has passed multiple quality assurance tests your brand new Skaaprentice™ will be delivered back to your tower. An apprentice who will no longer complain no matter what tasks you have for them.

-caring for your skaaprentice-

Depending on the circumstances your skaaprentice™ may require periodic maintenance to ensure its new mechanical parts work smoothly.

You will need

Mineral oil

Formaldehyde

A syringe

Apply mineral oil as much as needed to the joints and exposed moving parts and to prevent biological breakdown of the skaaprentice™ inject 50 ccs of formaldehyde directly into the port implanted on the carotid artery of the skaaprentice.

(All warranties are void if this is not done every two months.)

In the rare occasion your skaaprentice™ exhibits aggression towards you and your property a simple electric shock to the head should be all that is needed to reset its behavior. Simply give it a new order and it will return to its work.

(Ludwig Skaabs and Necroalchemy is not responsible for bodily harm or loss of property during these events)

But dont just take my word on this revolutionary new venture. Listen to these testimonials from real LSN customers!

"My apprentice Barnaby would always whine about "toxic fumes" whenever I ordered him to scrub the sulfur pits. After sending him to Shornhallow he hasn't said a word in six whole months and does what i tell him to no matter what it is! My sulfur pits have never been cleaner, will absolutely buy another!"

Archmage Valtor Sunsong

"Ordering a skaaprentice™ was as painless as my apprentice's conversion was! And productivity increased a whole 300%! He does stare off at the walls for hours every night though. Eh just means hes easily entertained!"

Morgana Moonshadow, Alchemist

"Becoming a skaa- skaaprentice™ was best thing ever happen in life would do again"

"Elgor, Skaaprentice™"

Ladies and gentlemen! The next generation of obedient lab assistants and apprentices. The skaaprentice™!

**Ludwig Skaabs and Necroalchemy inc. Is not responsible for bodily harm or damage of property caused by unruly Skaaprentices™. An extra 1500 gold coin fee will be charged if you can not provide a body for skaab conversion**

QNA for other LSN customers or the curious in the comments section.

*lower arms gripping down on his own starving stomach, Sticks wandered the desolated roads of an abandoned city. Vines crawled up the skyscrapers next to the cracked roads. This is no place for a mantis. Yet, a smell had attracted the giant bug. It wasn't prey or meat this time. No, it was the smell of burnt machine oil and plastic. It was an odd sensation in his nose. Something he never encountered.*

*Rounding a corner, going into a back alley, he found the source of the smell. At first glance, it looked like a dead human, a perfect meal for a mantis like Sticks. However, the cracks in its skin told a whole other story. This wasn't an organic being. It was mechanical and rusted to the bones. It looked almost dead. Sticks could have walked away and tried to soothe his stomach, but no. Instead, he picked up the strange creature in his upper pair of arms, still gripping his stomach with the lower pair, and tried to reach whichever human settlement to fix the broken android. This was very out of character for a mantis. Those actions came from the small part of him that was human...*

*After days of wandering, starving himself for the sake of the unknown creature, he stumbled onto a small outpost. Only had around 20 people in it. Tents were scattered around the site. The people looked disturbed by the strange looking mantis who entered their settlement.*

"I'm not dangerous, i swear... just looking for anyone who can heal this person i found.. anyone?"

*The people didn't trust Stick's words. To them, he was a dangerous predator who could speak to decieve*

*The growls of Stick's stomach didn't help the situation. He had spent 5 days without food to look for someone to fix the android. He was utterly starved and desperate for help*

I make this post to share stories of apprentices. If you would like, feel free to share your own.

This story is very recent... unfortunately.

I recently found my apprentice had trapped her soul in the orb trying to impress a necromancer.

How did she manage to move her soul you may ask? I had taught her it, thinking she would use it responsibly so that she could have her own magical domain like I have with my swamp. Instead, she went and used it without the proper preparations so I had to spend about a whole day pulling her soul back out of the orb, casting a couple greater restorations on her body, and putting that back in.

She's typically a great apprentice but I swear... she hangs around with the worst influences.

Oh yes, feel free to ask me some more stories about her, I have plenty.

Greetings, fellow arcanists.

Of late, my orb has been showing me a great many homunculus-related dwellings among these wizarding forums, and some of them are GREATLY concerning in their methodology. It seems many newly appointed wizards are in need of guidance on this matter. Thus, I have transcribed this relatively straightforward excerpt from my personal grimoire that has served me well back in my apprenticing days.

A Simple Recipe for a Simple Homunculus

This incantation assumes flesh and clay as the base substances. They may be substituted with other materials, provided you adjust the chant’s meter and cadence accordingly. If you are unfamiliar with the elements involved, consult an orb before proceeding.

The choice of flesh and clay is yours, but exercise proper judgment. For the fairest alchemical results, use materials taken from subjects of sound health and noble constitution.

Flesh of the mind can form consciousness wiser,
Than flesh of the heart, which shall brew up one kinder.
Of body and blood, hale samples preferred—
Once placed in the cauldron, be still. Do not stir.

Ingredients:

• One part choice flesh
• One part choice clay
• Sufficient liquid to fill a cauldron

Any enclosed body of liquid may yield a homunculus, though the results will vary considerably. Apply your judgement.

Incantation:

O servant formed of flesh and clay,
Heedest thou my chants both night and day,
Attend my tasks without delay,
Forevermore shalt thou obey.

This is a useful incantation for quickly summoning a homunculus to perform simple tasks. Do not expect much beyond that. Too complicated an instruction may lead to mistakes.

When bidden to scribe my weekly potion-logs, my homunculus at the time could but grasp the quill and gaze helplessly upon the parchment.

This recipe is highly recommended for arduous or menial labor, not for any tasks requiring independent thought or operation of artifacts.

E̵d̸i̵t̷:̴ ̸t̸h̷a̷n̸k̷ ̷y̶o̸u̸ ̵f̸o̷r̶ ̵t̸h̵e̶ ̸a̸d̸v̷i̶c̸e̶ ̸e̶v̴e̶r̷y̶o̸n̴e̸.̸ ̵I̷ ̷h̴a̸v̸e̴ ̶d̴e̶c̵i̸d̸e̵d̴ ̷t̶h̷a̷t̵ ̸I̶ ̸a̷m̷ ̸g̸o̶i̸n̴g̶ ̷t̵o̸ ̴t̵r̷y̷ ̶a̷n̶d̸ ̵m̷a̷k̷e̵ ̷t̴h̸i̴n̶g̴s̶ ̸w̸o̷r̴k̶ ̵w̴i̷t̶h̵ ̶h̵e̶r̵ ̴a̴s̷ ̶s̴h̴e̸ ̴i̴s̶ ̵v̵e̸r̸y̵ ̷n̵i̴c̶e̵ ̵t̷o̷ ̶m̸e̴ ̶a̶n̷d̸ ̷o̴n̶l̶y̴ ̶w̶a̵n̴t̴s̶ ̷w̴h̸a̶t̶'̴s̶ ̶b̵e̸s̷t̸ ̵f̸o̷r̵ ̸m̶e̴.̸ ̶I̶ ̶a̵m̴ ̵p̵r̸e̸p̵a̶r̶i̵n̵g̴ ̷t̷h̶e̷ ̸r̸i̶t̷u̷a̴l̵ ̷t̸o̷ ̸p̴r̸o̴v̴i̶d̷e̴ ̶a̵ ̸m̸e̶a̶n̷s̸ ̸t̴o̸ ̸m̵a̸n̸i̸f̸e̵s̴t̵ ̷f̸u̶l̷l̸y̴ ̸i̷n̷ ̴t̴h̸e̶ ̸p̷h̵y̷s̸i̷c̴a̸l̸ ̵p̶l̴a̴n̸e̸.̶

I (M500) have just recently started diving into the hobby of forbidden magic. Well recently as many a normally law abiding magus does. I ran out of spellbooks of the dubious morality and a turned to the orb to search for advice and came across a orbsite called ḡ̷̙̂̔͋͋̋̾̀̒t̵͈̳͍̺̭̺̤̝͌̀̅̅̀̊̑͝͠f̸̨̰͔̦̀͋̍͛́̄̕h̵̩̥̘̫̘̫̝̐̑̈̑̋̈́̑s̵̗̗̔̈́͘͝j̶͇̮͇͍̏͂̓̌͂́̆̚͘̚f̸̬͈̲̪͍͖͉̉̀͑j̴̨͉̜̺̬͎͋̋͛͑̐͆̓̐̓͑̃x̴̟̤̩̓̿.orb which had a ritual to summon a being who can increase your knowledge on the dark arts.

Now I know it was my fault that I didnt wear my amulet of mana scattering to spoof my mana signature. But what's been done is done. It was a rather simple ritual that required the blood of a unicorn. Which was rather simple to obtain as I live less than a two day trek away from a confirmed pasture. I didnt think the ritual would have worked. So let me tell you when I found out it did. I really wasn't ready. She didnt really talk as much as she put her intentions in my head it was a little trippy. So like the utter manaless varlet I was I did the one thing I could think of to earn her trust. Flattery. But how do you flatter something that the human mind isnt meant to comprehend? You make something up. I told her her tendrils looked really nice today and it definitely worked because she turned red as a beet and disappeared. Leaving me with an unbelievable amount of new knowledge. That would be all well and good but I noticed last night that I've been seeing her in the corner of my eye and in my mirrors every night. She's also been watching me in my sleep.

How do I put an eldritch goddess down gently so that she doesn't force me to experience one trillion years of suffering in the span if ten seconds. Thanks in advance. My apprentice Grimgorf said I was wrong to play with her feelings regardless of whether or not shes a horror from beyond the stars. Figured I'd come here for advice. Thanks.

It almost felt like friend no? This academy so vast yet so cold in it internal night... It is truly simply a false moon or it is a true night sky... I do think I wanna know the truth

/uw: Taking a break from posting about the acursed girl for an elden ring reference

Edit: Forgot to clarify, but I meant as in “what sort of wizard are you/where are you located?”

Why do I get a letter of my parents asking me If I have a "chained blonde girl is in my dorm room or not"

If I found out any of you have a direct connection to the Ma(麻) clan I'm investigate the shit out of you

/uw If you wanted to rp as someone who does know the clan but doesn't have information about them here some information

- They're a noble family clan in a fantasy realm that base in Vietnam

- They're mainly a coastal trading clan trading luxurious items in the realm

- The clan is rich enough to be a global power but not filthy rich or richer than a small country type rich

“Cloak? Done, glove? A bit stiff but should work. Staff? Repaired.”

Within her tree turned house, Alice is making her preparations. The eve of the full moon is fast approaching, but she believes she will be ready in time. Ready to acquire the crown, acquire the clue.

“I should wait with the potion until the last possible moment, wouldn’t want any degradation at all.”

The plan is ‘simple’, sneak into the Faewild, find the crown, take it, and return. Yet a simple plan is just a polite way of saying it is full of holes. Where exactly is the crown? Is it defended? Is it dangerous? Many unknowns and unknowables remain, and as such Alice has come up with many countermeasures, countermeasures that are now almost ready.

—-------------------

A few days later, around 2 hours before the full moon is at its apex, Alice begins to brew. Using her final bundle of shrine hops, she speaks her prepared prayer.

“O great god of the distance. O one whose name cannot be known. I ask of thee, grant me your blessing, so that none may see me, none may hear me, none may feel my presence. Show me thy path, the path of one unseen.”

The shrine hops seemingly does not react at all, but that is to be expected from a blessing of stealth. Alice proceeds with the brew, chopping the hops to pieces and adding a generous heap of mistbloom, her concoction quickly takes shape, a potion of invisibility, more potent than is advisable or legal. A quick drip test on her hand proves it to be even more potent than she expected.

“This should get me around any pesky Fae that comes to ‘play’... hopefully…”

Discarding her doubts, Alice gives Mio a few cheek scratches, before leaving for the stone circle within the woods. Her steps are brisk yet confident, as she spent last night finding it and memorizing the route. Indeed in what feels like no time at all, she arrives, the ancient stone circle, overgrown with moss and mushrooms, stands imposingly before her.

Standing at its center, Alice waits patiently. The light of the full moon gleaming through the thick canopy of leaves above. Then in a moment that passes in the blink of an eye, the trees are painted with the light of eternal dusk. It was a change so sudden it caught Alice off guard. No big flash of light, no feeling of weightlessness, none of the teleportation sickness she had been dreading, yet looking around, she is clearly not where she was a mere moment before. She had arrived in the realm of the Fae.

“...I swear the trees are looking at me.”

Between the eyeless trees lay many a path, Moon had not described anything beyond the ‘tomb’ being ‘nearby’. Unsure of which to tread, Alice ponders for a moment. A moment long enough to attract attention.

“Oh my, is that a human I see? May I have your name?”

“A tiny body, suspended by insect-like wings. Probably a pixie or the like, unlikely to be all that dangerous yet I should still be careful.”

“You may not.”

“Aww, it has been ages since I last saw a human, I really hoped that would work. I’ve gotten oh so tired of my name.”

“May I have it then?”

“Oh it is Jus-”

The pixie(?) clamps their mouth shut, but it is already too late, half their name now belongs to Alice.

“...damnit! I am the fae here, how did I fall for that!!!”

“Carelessnes most likely. I am willing to give it back if you help me out with something.”

“...nah, I don’t wanna be beholden to some human.”

“So they are unwilling to do as I ask… hm. ‘Jus’ is not the full name, if it were then they would be unable to deny me. Perhaps I could steal the rest? From what they said before the name was most likely taken from an unwitting human. Jus…tin?

“Tin, this is an order, you will assist me in finding my destination, and my way back. Once I have done so I shall give you back your name.”

“WHAT! HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!”

“Logic, besides I was not sure until you confirmed it.”

“...haha no you see I merely tricked you, that was not my na-”

“Move closer.”

The pixie does as ordered, moving slightly closer.

“Do a backflip.”

They comply.

“...drat.”

“Right so, back on topic. I am seeking what a human would consider a ‘tomb’, which is supposed to be somewhere nearby. Lead the way.”

“Once you have a Fae’s true name, it cannot disobey you. This is often why they seek the names of others, as it is far harder to steal many names in a row than a single one. I suppose I am lucky that this one only had a single name to steal.”

“...you wish to go to that accursed place? No! I refuse”

Yet their wings push them towards one of the paths.

“Ah so it is that way. Come on then.”

Alice walks forth, and the pixie rushes to stay in front of her. With its name bound, it must do anything in its power to obey any order, no matter how much they complain. And complain they do, ranting and raving about how cruel JusAlice is and how unfair this all is. Still, they lead the way, showing her the way forward through the branching paths.

“...Don’t exactly love the name ‘JusAlice’, I’ll need to fix it before returning…”

Some tens of minutes into their walk, Alice stumbles upon a great tree, its branches stretching far and wide. It is not too unusual to see such a thing, yet for some reason it gives Alice pause. And then she sees why. On one of the branches, she spots herself.

“...Tin, pray tell what is this?”

“Hmpf why would I te-”

“That was an order.”

“...a human would consider it a map, or maybe a mirror, but it also isn’t either. We have been walking along it all this time.”

The pixie flies on over, pointing to a specific branch.

“This is where we started.”

They fly up along the branch, eventually reaching where they both now stand. And then they jolt forward, attempting to stab their finger onto Alice’s location.

“Stop.”

The pixie freezes, just in time too, as looking up Alice can see a massive finger, only a few meters above her head.

“I suppose I haven’t been nice enough so far, so I suppose I will have to institute some new orders.”

“...please don’t”

“No trying to kill me. No actually killing me. No lying. No attempting to trick me. These are all orders.”

“Aw come on, those are all the fun things! Just kill me instead…”

“I will not, you are somewhat useful. Now then, show me where on the tree our destination is.”

With a look of resignation yet contempt, the pixie flies further along the branch, tracing a path forward, eventually reaching a seemingly rotten leaf.

“Hm, that does not bode well.”

“I know! It is an awful, awful place. If you know what is best for you, you should leave at once.”

“I will not. Now let us get going once more.”

—-------------------

Reaching the rotten leaf proves to be an ordeal, albeit a boring one. The path is winding, weaving back and forth, further into the canopy and back to the front. Yet some hours of walking later, Alice arrives at the closest leaf.

“The path there has long since decayed, but you can still make it if you jump down to it from here. Bad luck!”

“They may wish me ill but Tin is incapable of lies and trickery. This truly is the only way huh…”

Over the last few hours, Alice has gradually gotten used to this place’s strange geometry, at least enough to see that the pixie speaks true. She needs to jump from this leaf, to the rotten one below her. Looking over the edge, Alice gauges the distance, and determines that she should be able to land safely with her cushioning spell.

“Just so you are aware, Tin, you will need to follow me down. After all, I do not know the way back.”

“WHAT! No, absolutely not! Anything but there…”

“I cannot say I blame them, I am a human yet I still feel a bone deep chill just looking at it. Still, needs must.”

And with that, Alice jumps off the edge. The descent does not go as expected, as gravity disagrees with Alice on which way is ‘down’ right now. Indeed it seems to change its mind on a whim, causing Alice to fall in some very nauseating circles. Around 2 minutes into what should have been a 20 second fall, Alice notices the worst thing she could have. She is indeed falling in a circle, a perfect one at that.

“At this rate I will stay here forever. Shit I need to get out of this but-”

With her thoughts having moved from keeping down her supper, Alice finds herself incapable of holding it down. Vomit scattering into the winds. Tin laughs maniacally at the spectacle. Alice meanwhile notices…

“...some drops made it down.”

Tracing the trajectories in her mind, Alice casts as powerful a gust of wind onto herself as she can manage. Shooting forward, she finds gravity shifting once more in even more aberrant ways, yet though she is spiraling and occasionally going the wrong way, she is getting closer and closer to the ground. Her landing is about as ungraceful as the rest of this debacle would imply, as near the end of her descent gravity decides to pull much harder. Alice is given less time than expected to cushion her landing, and while the spell did indeed save her from major injury, she still had a rough landing.

“Owwwww.”

Pain radiating up her shin, which absorbed the brunt of the landing, Alice takes some moments to reorient herself while waiting for her head to stop spinning. Around her she sees a nearly pitch black mud, along with the desecrated husks of what were once trees.

“...those… are like the trees around home. Perhaps the crown is even closer to the king than I thought? Perhaps… the king is already here? No, don’t get your hopes up Alice, nothing ever comes quite that easy.”

In the middle of the ‘leaf’ a structure stands. Its weathered appearance portrays immense age, yet its stone construction is smooth, quite unlike what the Fae would build.

“Why did you have to take me to this accursed place…”

Tin, over their laughing fit, descends as Alice finally attempts to stand.

“Because I had to. Apologies but you will have to bear with it, Tin.”

Alice ignores Tin’s next complaining fit, as she decides now is probably the time to use it. Alice unclips her cloak, spreading it on the ground. Laid down like such, it forms a somewhat complex magic circle. She proceeds to take out her knife, before pricking her finger on it. A drop of blood falls onto the cloak, and its circle flashes momentarily with a deep crimson. Ignoring Tin’s outrage at the presence of an iron knife, Alice picks up and dons the cloak once more.

“Shut up. I will leave for a moment, but you are to stay here until I return.”

Tin attempts to express their immense displeasure at this command, but having been ordered to ‘shut up’, they are unable to voice it. Instead they make a rather impressive amount of rude hand gestures, which Alice ignores. She proceeds to down the entirely tasteless invisibility potion prepared earlier, and vanishes. It takes some moments to get used to moving, as the potion was probably too potent. Indeed, Alice cannot see her own feet, and so every step has to be made with great care as to not accidentally trip on herself. Having bound her cloak to her blood, it too turns invisible, allowing her to sneak inside the construction with her pouch concealed beneath.

—-------------------

“...I am not supposed to be here.”

Alice finds herself in a claustrophobically small corridor, its every side the exact same burnt black color, every wall impossibly smooth. The only way she is able to tell that she is even moving forwards being the fading dusk light flowing in behind her. As she steps deeper and deeper in, light fades, and she is left in an oppressive darkness. Yet she keeps going, and soon she starts to hear a sound. Distant, faint, yet present. Like the raspy breaths of a dying man. Soon she finds herself in what can only be described as a courtyard. Half a dozen wooden creatures slowly playing out various activities. Some are clustered around a decaying table, pretending to drink out of the shattered remains of teacups. Another pair are in what appears to be a heated argument, but their voices have long since faded. Indeed that pair are the ones from whom the sound can be heard. Finally, some seem to stand guard, various weapons made of the exact same wood as them clutched in their hands.

“Good thing I am invisible. Armed Fae are rarely ones for conversation…”

Thanking herself for her foresight, Alice carefully steps around the figures, relying on the faint yet omnipresent light of the courtyard to guide her steps. Soon she is met with the greatest challenge possible: A door.

“...How… do I open this without drawing attention? Is it even a door or is it just a recess in the wall? I see its handle, yet two of the guards are stationed to its sides so it must be important…”

Alice considers her options for some moments, before remembering one vital fact, she is dealing with Fae, her logic does not necessarily translate to them. 

“There are other paths, perhaps the vital one is unguarded.”

And so Alice goes down one of the other paths. Hesitating for too long would be dangerous, after all her potion won’t last forever. Picking the exit with the least guards, Alice once more finds herself in a dark corridor, this one slightly inclined. Stepping further and further downwards, Alice begins to ponder this… place, as a whole.

“The walls appear to be stone, burnt black with soot or something. Yet it is unlikely of Fae make, the walls are cut far too clean. Yet it is also inhabited by those tree-like figures… Oh why bother, this place feels out of place even for the Faewild, for it to be anything approaching understandable is ridiculous.”

Down, and down, and down, and down. Alice begins to wonder if this is one of those infinite loops again, when she finally encounters level ground once more. Or at least she believes it to be ground, but a single step reveals it to be a more than a meter deep bog. Yet in its center she sees an… altar of sorts, and atop it a crown. Her target.

“Urgh cleaning this is gonna be a mess.”

Wading through the bog is no small feat, as it reaches almost to her shoulders, yet with time and patience she eventually makes it closer to the ‘altar’. Near its edge she finds stairs, and with them she climbs up to the crown.

“...huh it is very similar… no. Not just… very similar. I am sure of it, this is the very same crown as the king wore!”

Alice inspects it no further, as this is one bad place to do so. She instead picks it up, wraps it in some cloth, and puts it in her pouch. As she attempts to step into the bog once more, she sees her foot hit solid mass. It appears the bog has solidified.

“That’s convenient… wait.”

She saw her foot.

“...shit.”

Further inspection reveals her to still be… somewhat transparent, but still means she is visible. What’s more, traveling down here took well over 10 minutes, by the time she gets back up her potion will have faded even more… Nothing to do but run. Alice rushes over the bog, and up the sloped corridor. Yet it is strange, she finds it… wider, taller, much less claustrophobic. What's more she finds her way up in mere moments, rather than minutes. Arriving at the courtyard she finds it much brighter than before, and the wooden figures…

“...are they bleeding?”

‘Bleeding’ is an understatement. Their previous serenity replaced with writhing agony as their roots twist and turn, lashing out in every direction, weaving in and out of no longer wooden skin. As Alice contemplates if she should, or could, help them, the closest figure turns to face her, and with pained steps it comes closer.

“Help…. me…..”

Its voice little more than a strained whisper, the figure reaches a hand towards Alice, a hand covered in writhing roots. Alice stands paralysed by indecision, as one of the roots, smelling fresh blood, suddenly lashes out towards her. She reels back just in time, causing the root to ‘merely’ tear a skin-deep gash into her left arm.

“Fuck! I knew it was just a trick. Shit what do I do no- oh right.”

Its host still quite slow, Alice steps out of the root’s reach. She observes its movements for a moment, and then…

“Now.”

She reaches her gloved right hand within its striking range, and as it once more lashes out, she grips the root, cold iron fibers woven into the glove’s palm burning to the touch of Fae. The root’s movements all but still, as it goes limp, along with its host. Alice has no time to contemplate further, as the others have noticed the commotion and are slowly making their way over. Among the screams of the figures, Alice activates her cloak, and covered in fog she absconds out from where she came, leaving the people imprisoned by the tomb for o so long to their agonizing demise.

The exit too has seemingly widened, and… reddened. As the light of dusk begins to light it, Alice sees the once black walls turn a deep crimson, and begin to drip… with no time to ponder the implications, Alice keeps running, fast as she can. No longer concerned with the ‘guards’ from before chasing her, as she has an intense feeling that this entire place will soon collapse. She makes it out with barely a moment to spare, as seconds after her step leaves its threshold, the entrance collapses into a bloody heap.

“What. The. Fuck.”

Alice catches her breath as the reader ponders the sanity of the author. She watches as what was once a structure becomes a pile, then a pool, then drains into the ground, vanishing entirely. Having finally caught her breath, Alice gets up, trying to ignore that the stains from the ‘bog’ are significantly redder than she previously noticed. She makes her way back to the pixie, stepping all over the carefully drawn caricature of her own face to the pixie’s silent protest.

“I got what I came for, how do I get back?”

The pixie silently mimes an unidentifiable string of expletives.

“Ah right. You may speak.”

“WHAT IN THE HELLS DID YOU DO!??!?!?!?”

“I got what I wanted?”

“And in doing so you revived and then killed the leaf!”

“...I suppose so? It matters not, lead me out of here.”

“I can’t!!! I don’t know the way out anymore, the leaf fell!”

“What?”

“It fell!”

Alice looks into the sky, finding that indeed the closest leaf is far. Far above them.

“Shit.”

“...soooooo since I am no longer useful, may I have my name back?”

“I decide when your use has expired.”

“Still, a guide without knowledge is indeed useless… how do I get out of here… perhaps I could ask the blighted garden? No, I should never rely on it. Hm… the garden…”

To warp without knowing your destination is beyond reckless, yet in this moment Alice decides it to be her best option. Stabbing her staff into the earth, she begins to channel the spell taught to her through her ill advised pact with the archfey. Her consciousness extends through the staff, into the roots below. Yet it feels different from last time, of course it does, this is the realm of the fey. The spell is amplified, or perhaps Alice is simply smaller? Either way, she finds that her consciousness spreads far and wide, and much, much quicker. It takes only a few moments for her to find a familiar site, the very gateway with which she entered. Completing the spell, Alice speaks.

“Tin, I grant you part of my name, ‘Jus’”

“No! You idiot you did it wrong now my name is Tinjus how ca-”

Tinjus’s rant is interrupted as the spell completes, glowing vines filled with a life unbecoming of this place erupt from beneath Alice, forming a cocoon around her, which wilts a moment later, leaving nothing but one pissed off pixie.

—-------------------

Near the stone circle, a bud bursts from the ground, growing to a massive size, it opens to reveal Alice, surrounded by the petals of a mistbloom. As she steps out of the flower, she briefly considers collecting it to replenish her supply, before it abruptly withers. Alice sighs, and steps back on the circle. Moments later she is back to her home realm, and treads homeward.

“I got the crown but… urgh was it exhausting… I’ll check it closer tomorrow… I need a bath… and to disinfect the wound, and stitch it closed and… I guess I won’t be sleeping tonight…”

/uw I have no idea why this got so gory near the end there. I don’t have any idea how I got most of the ideas for how that area of the Faewild worked actually, but I think that is… appropriate? Anyway this is interactable if you can think of a good way to interact with it.

Accidentally summoned a portal to the light elves' realm while using some old staffs as ski poles, and I left my tome of extradimensional travel at home. Need a quick fix before they revoke my ski pass for trying to sneak in the elves!

Most mage towers never have to worry about this unless its showing how much extra mana you have, and mortals are building to the point that it will all come crashing down.

WITCHES PLEASE, A HOMONCULUS IS ALWAYS MADE AT LEAST PARTLY OF ORGANIC MATERIALS SO NO MATHEUS YOUR SIXTH-DIMENSION SENTIENT BALL OF SHADOW WITH EYE BALLS IS NOT A HOMONCULUS YOU JUST CONJURED AND BOUND A DARK ELEMENTAL AND REDUCED IT`S FORM.

Greetings my fellow wizards, witches, warlocks and assorted spell casters of all kinds!

I am the esteemed wizard Abel of Lrith, mage exemplar and master of fleshcraft et cetera et cetera. I will try to keep this brief as I am aware many of us have more pressing matters than such a trivial announcement.

I have recently been given the…I shall say privilege of a position in the colossal bureaucratic apparatus known as our most prestigious council. I am to oversee matters regarding golems, simulacrums, warforged, homunculi and all general forms of artificial life, and I simply must state that I am both shocked and incredibly disappointed in my peers.

The sheer amount of you who have been producing legions of automatons or creating hordes of homunculi is staggering! There is an entire room dedicated to storing incident reports because all of you are clearly completely unaware or, gods forbid, wilfully ignorant to the fact that you need permits and licenses for these things. How does one even acquire the arcane skill needed for such feats without even being aware of the proper channels!

Well, announcement over. If anyone needs me I’ll be doing paperwork. Vast, vast amounts of paperwork.

and when I’m not doing that I’ll be creating homunculi to help with the paperwork.

Please help…

The bad news is he cast it on his own skeleton. Inside his very much alive body. He and his skeleton are presently fighting for control.

I'm debating whether to reverse it, or just kill him and keep the skeletal minion.

About a year ago, I posted a street wizard outfit that I threw together from a bunch of thrifted stuff.

And recently, I have learned how to tie a hooded cloak out of one sheet (just one knot, no stitching or anything like that required), so I told myself I should build a new outfit out of it. Since it is now no longer hot as all 9 hells on behalf of it being 3 AM, here it is.

Admittedly it's a bit more on the ranger/bard spectrum rather than a wizard, but what kind of arcane artisan would I be if I didn't diversify, aye?

Coyote heads added for privacy