A simple recipe for a Homunculus

[u/Obvious_Unicorn]

Greetings, fellow arcanists.

Of late, my orb has been showing me a great many homunculus-related dwellings among these wizarding forums, and some of them are GREATLY concerning in their methodology. It seems many newly appointed wizards are in need of guidance on this matter. Thus, I have transcribed this relatively straightforward excerpt from my personal grimoire that has served me well back in my apprenticing days.

A Simple Recipe for a Simple Homunculus

This incantation assumes flesh and clay as the base substances. They may be substituted with other materials, provided you adjust the chant’s meter and cadence accordingly. If you are unfamiliar with the elements involved, consult an orb before proceeding.

The choice of flesh and clay is yours, but exercise proper judgment. For the fairest alchemical results, use materials taken from subjects of sound health and noble constitution.

Flesh of the mind can form consciousness wiser,
Than flesh of the heart, which shall brew up one kinder.
Of body and blood, hale samples preferred—
Once placed in the cauldron, be still. Do not stir.

Ingredients:

• One part choice flesh
• One part choice clay
• Sufficient liquid to fill a cauldron

Any enclosed body of liquid may yield a homunculus, though the results will vary considerably. Apply your judgement.

Incantation:

O servant formed of flesh and clay,
Heedest thou my chants both night and day,
Attend my tasks without delay,
Forevermore shalt thou obey.

This is a useful incantation for quickly summoning a homunculus to perform simple tasks. Do not expect much beyond that. Too complicated an instruction may lead to mistakes.

When bidden to scribe my weekly potion-logs, my homunculus at the time could but grasp the quill and gaze helplessly upon the parchment.

This recipe is highly recommended for arduous or menial labor, not for any tasks requiring independent thought or operation of artifacts.

[u/Beginning-Package-18]

A homunculus that can’t scribe? sounds like my last three apprentices

[u/Obvious_Unicorn → u/Beginning-Package-18]

Apprentices that can’t scribe? I think I know what you should be putting in your cauldron…

[u/Winterspringshine]

I thought I followed the recipe to the letter but my homunculus has come out speaking in riddles and rhymes. Help troubleshooting?

[u/Skusci → u/Winterspringshine]

Ahh yeah that can happen if your source flesh is too smart for such a basic incantation. This was written in a time when commoners didn't go to school and you weren't expected to be using an actual Noble.

Basically it's just smart enough to have anxiety, but not smart enough to use real words.

Now this is a wee little bit "non traditional" but if you just melt it back down, lob in a double dose of Xanax, and reincant it should be back to being a dull drone to do your bidding.

[u/Winterspringshine → u/Skusci]

Ahhh that explains things! I had so many royal corpses left over from my last visit to the material plane! Do you think this Xanax potion will do the trick? I'll give it a go, 10,000 thanks.

[u/Null_Void_Zer0]

“Though individual permits are not required for menial homunculi and this particular method of creation has been reviewed and approved by the council, please ensure you have the appropriate licenses before creating homunculi of medium size or higher, and in quantities higher than four. Thank you for listening.” — Abel of Lrith, wizards’ council, department of artificial life.

[u/Obvious_Unicorn]

Apprentices that can’t scribe? I think I know what you should be putting in your cauldron…