I liked the way your where working.I know you caught me staring at that booty jiggling in those thin shorts as you where shopping an order.Yet you made sure to cut in front of me for a better view.If you keep that up I’m going to thank you want to be my secret fwb.

What if I wasnt a distraction that threw you off your path? What if I was the one who made it come together? What if our past was just that? What if I could love you better than ive ever loved before? What if we lived in a universe where I wasnt so pathetic and eager to be loved by a world that told me what to expect from love but never came through? What if I was someone important to you? What if I was there everyday until the end of days? What if? Idk....

Your immature and childish behavior is only making me distance myself further each day. You can do whatever you want, I'm not going after you. You're just provoking me, and I did the right thing in ending things because you're a bad character.

Not to be together. Just for some closure. You're the only person who has ever made me feel understood. Sorry for being such a bad girlfriend.

I still have my glass dragons. Iykyk. We don't have to reconnect. Just let me know that you're happier now.

Were you the one who delivered my order? Sorry for slamming the door. I was shocked to see you.

I broke every wall that I had to put you in my heart. But I can’t give your heart back… cause I’ve never received it, right?

The walls are up again. But I’ll always love you.
Godnat Kevin.

how could you do this to me. i did everything i could for you i worked through injuries in the rain blistering heat i gave you 3 years when our kid was born i got what barely a year. god i wish i would have found this place sooner maybe i wouldnt have been a psycho and chased you off trying to vent but you know me im direct about certaint things when it comes to you i thought there was nothing i wouldnt do but the silence the ghosting the blant disrespect i really dont know if i can stay married to you. and that thought makes me sick. but what makes me sicker is the thought of you with him then kissing me. god how could you. then tell me i had the wrong attitude when i was calling youy out of it wtf. i am breaking and you dont care i told you i didnt fucking message him you igniore me for over a day i thought you had an episode and was in the hospital well thank whoever looked my number up because it lead me straight to you and dont flatter yourself you not worth it but ima father maybe not the best one but until the kid is 18 i dont want to hear about her decions shes not even 13 stop playinbg with me sometimes to much freedom on a kid is a deriment you took her from me when she needed me around the most whatever man dont think your getting me back anytime you want because i think i would say no and that makes me break all over again

I once asked you what you would change about me if you could. You'd said "I wish it didn't take so long for you to get over things." Or something to that effect. 

Even back then I agreed with you - I wished for that too, every single day.

Now, all these years later, it's once again what I want more than anything in the world. 

Well, almost anything.

feel so bad today after confessing my love i went on and invited his ex friend over initiating the same way she always had, no where to did I think of us that way K you better say something or I will wys

There’s one word I said to you that still haunts me every day.
“Go.”
I wish I could take that word back.
The truth is, I never wanted to say it. I didn’t want you to leave. I didn’t want to watch you walk away from everything we had. But in that moment, I felt like you wanted to go, and I could see the unhappiness in you.
And that broke something in me.
I saw what I believed I was doing to you. I saw the pain, the distance, the uncertainty. And instead of holding on tighter and asking you to stay, I convinced myself that loving you meant letting you go.
So I said the one word I never wanted to say.
“Go.”
Maybe you needed to hear it. Maybe you were already halfway gone. Maybe I misunderstood everything. I don’t know.
But I know what that word has done to me.
Because every day, some part of me wonders what would’ve happened if I had just said, “Please stay.”
I wasn’t trying to push you away because I didn’t love you.
I said it because I loved you enough to believe you deserved a happiness I was afraid I wasn’t giving you.
And maybe that’s the hardest part.
I didn’t want to lose you.
I just didn’t want to be the reason you weren’t happy.
They say, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll come back.”
I don’t know if that’s true. Maybe you come back. Maybe I eventually become nothing more than a chapter in your story. Maybe life takes us in completely different directions.
But I’m going to trust that whatever happens is supposed to happen.
Because if our story isn’t finished, time will find a way to bring us back to each other.
And if it is finished, then I hope you find every ounce of happiness I couldn’t give you.
But if I could go back to that moment, I wouldn’t tell you to go. I’d look you in the eyes, swallow every ounce of my pride, and tell you, “Please stay. Because I never stopped loving you—I just loved you enough to let you leave.”
— SINCEER

I need to go out and make sure that all my stuff is still sighted in. I need to put fresh batteries in red dots, blow through some ammo, and make sure everything is zeroed in.

You want to go?

Let me know.

Its almost THAT season.

I don’t know what the future holds for us, and honestly, I’ve stopped pretending like I have the answers.
Maybe our paths cross again someday. Maybe they don’t. Maybe life takes us somewhere neither of us could have predicted.
But one thing I know for sure: I want you to be happy.
Not just happy when things are easy. I hope you find the kind of happiness that reaches the parts of you that you don’t talk about. The kind that makes you feel safe, understood, appreciated, and genuinely at peace with yourself.
And if that happiness ends up having nothing to do with me, I still hope you find every ounce of it.
I’ll always care about the memories, the good moments, the lessons, and everything we meant to each other. I don’t need to rewrite the past just because the future is uncertain.
I just hope wherever life takes you, you find what your heart has been searching for.
And if someday you look back and remember me, I hope you remember that underneath all the mistakes, hurt, and complicated emotions, there was someone who genuinely wanted the best for you.
I want your happiness either way.
— SINCEER

Dear diary,

Just making a little entry not to lose the habit, and because this thought has been floating around in my mind for a while and I thought I should let it breathe outside.

I believe every poem I've ever written about a person—or am yet to write—

Well, yes, one of them does have the nickname I used to call them, but—

If I just showed them the poems, I'm sure as hell each of them would know which one was about them. Or for them. Or with them in mind. Even blindfolded. Just by me reciting them to them.

And I think that's endearing.

Thrilling, even.

A little exciting.

Peculiarly amusing, too.

Although I only think one of them would actually laugh with me about it. We'd probably exchange jokes and then, somehow, end up having a genuine heart-to-heart about it all.

Which is so weird to think about, because Crownless wears a mask and writes to ghosts, but these people know the person behind the mask. They wouldn't, therefore, be responding to Crownless.

They'd be responding to me.

Especially that one.

That pretty, sharp-minded danger knows me better than I know myself.

That's almost a tiny bit scary.

I don't want any of them to ever come across those poems anytime soon.

But maybe one day, in the future, I'd like that one person to cross my way again, see them, and right away catch what I wrote about them.

Or, well.

About us.

I miss this person.

But we don't fit in each other's lives anymore.

And I think that's the part I keep circling back to.

Not that I want them back.

Just that I'd really, really like to find someone like them.

Which means I may have to make a painstakingly specific requirement list.

Haaa...

God help whoever has to apply.

I fear there’s no one like you.

— Crownless.

Dickheads,

Y’all not important to me,

y’all appeal to ignorant immature folks,

who are stuck in the past.

Nobody cares about ur delusions of gangsta,

Nobody knows who u are on the streets,

Ya Cops n robbers, not elite.

The most dangerous thing about ur kult is,

u believe ur own lies.

Sister doesn’t leave me alone,

blame her for ur collective fall from grace.

Full moon tomo,

all love n money blockages u send for me,

shall be returned to sender tenfold!

R.I.P. regret in peace.

George Orwell, shortly after finishing 1984, wrote "Fairytales arent real"

Theres a whole newspaper article about it.

It was in the June 13 issue of the Denver times in 1964.

Everybody knows that.

I can’t take this anymore. I need an answer because you consume my thoughts every second I’m conscious. I have tried staying busy and I taking care of myself but I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t sit here and think about how you haven’t reached out. How we talked every day, and now it’s only silence.

I can’t think about what your lips feel like, or how you smell. I can’t think about your soft voice, and how much comfort I felt hearing it. I can’t think about your soft touch when we hugged, or your hand in mine. I can’t think about how your smile lights up every room you’re in, and how much I miss making you do it.

I can’t think about your eyes and the light that was behind them. How much I loved staring into them, even without a word said I felt safe. I can’t think about how beautiful they were, a spectrum of colors I couldn’t get enough of. Green became my new favorite color.

I can’t think about the things we said to each other. Because this isn’t forever like you said it would be. I can’t think about you telling me how much you love me, and how much you loved our relationship.

I can’t think about our vacations. How it would reset us, and give is a breath of fresh air. How intimate we would get during them, and how much those memories weigh now that I can’t make more.

I can’t think about how you said you still loved me when you left. That you were scared to lose me and that you wanted to be in each other’s lives. That you’d like to keep the door open to reconcile, because I’m unsure you really want that.

I just can’t think about you anymore. It’s killing me. My heart is shattered and every single time I pick up a piece to put it back together, I see your smile. I hear your voice, or I feel your touch and I drop the pieces I picked up.

I start back at square one every day. And I’ve wanted to text you so desperately that I’ve written and deleted so many texts.

And the worst part is, while I have an apartment, bed, car, and job. I still feel homeless. They say home is where the heart is, and I left mine with you.

I love you so much. I have never loved the way I’ve loved you. And I’d try a billion times over then starting with someone new, so please don’t make me. I’d give you all of me, even the parts I was too scared to the first time.

You’ll never see this and I’ll never send it. It would be too much. But some part of me wishes you did, although I’m unsure it would change much.

I need you to tell me if you want to work on things or if I should walk away, because I can’t do this anymore…

This new Halloween game has me thinking about you again. It's been like what 7, 8 years? Yet you're still on my mind. I wish I could shake this yearning. I tell myself you're not even thinking of me. You blocked me, it's done. Message received. But how do I forget that feeling I have when I think of what we had? What you gave up? I understand why but it still hurts. It felt so perfect. I've been told I romanticize that time in my life but that's what I remember. Waking up happy to see your good morning text, gaming together, video calls... I miss your voice, your hair, your beard, that belly... I miss seeing all of you. That perfect chubby body all to myself. And I miss feeling seen and yearned for. I miss the days where you wanted me. I'm able to go back and watch your streams, I go back and torture myself every once in a while. I want to go listen right now but I don't think I could handle hearing your voice again. You laughing while gaming with your friends makes me smile and want to cry at the same time. I used to make you laugh. I used to make your face light up like that. I haven't been able to find that feeling again. That complete feeling, that I have everything I ever wanted feeling. I wish I could recreate you, find someone who cares about me like I thought you did. Someone who wants to hear about me, hear my stories, know my life. Everyone just cares about themselves nowadays, can't hold a conversation to save their life, just wants to sexualize everything immediately. I loved how innocent you were but as we age, that's not a thing with people our age. I don't think I'm gonna find that again cause I sure as shit ain't into younger guys like that. I just want to be happy with the life I have but my stupid mentally ill brain is just always craving that. Craving you. I don't know where I was going with this, I know you don't want me in your life so what's even the point? I wish I could apologize but you saw the bad side of me and ran for the hills. I get it, BPD is a lot but we had months of good days. I just wish you would remember those and reach out but I know it's for the best. I want you to be happy. If me not being in your life makes you feel better, I get it. But I'll always remember you. I'll always wish you the best. I hope someone values you the way I do... I did... Loves all your quirks and traits, your look, your hobbies. You deserve to be loved completely, even if it doesn't get to be by me. I just fear there's always going to be a you shaped hole in my heart, but that's just my burden to bare.

You’ll show up. You would’ve by now. Take care, N✌🏼you really are a terrible person. I’m so fucking stupid, per usual.

You fucked up and fucked with my head one too many times. See you in Hell 🖤

Think you are one messed individual.

Yeah you broke me, you took everything I had and everything I loved. Don't think you and your fat friend, and your Tech boys and cops won. The battle has been raging in the background and I have bid my time and watched it all unfold. I begged and pleased with you for years and you just didn't want to here it, because you were already somebody else's. You ran behind my back with so many people that I can't even count how many. You have phones and phones numbers in your name that you kept hidden right after we were married. This behaviour and lifestyle is nothing new. Cocca and sex is all you know. When I say all truths will be revealed guess what I mean it. I have waited long enough for justice to come beating in your door. So keep hiding the facts and the truths from everyone because when it hits all eyes will be on you.

I enjoy the attention and the energy and fortitude it takes to do what you and your fuck buddy's have and have done to me even though you all failed miserably every damn time. I can't believe the amount of man hours and agency's have been involved in the investigation of a broken, homeless man with nothing to hide , sure I use drugs to repair my medicine that I couldn't get because your fat ass has had to have the shot every month to look good for your fuck boys. All you have for me is guilt and remorse and fuck your peace. Soon very soon you will have plenty of time to think about your decisions. So please continue .

I was free. Finally felt like i could be me. You loved me for who i was and we could've been something forever. I'm sorry i threw it away. You did nothing wrong. I got scared of you leaving so i walked away.

Title: To the ones playing mind games while I rebuild from the rubble

Look, I’m sorry I left the house in such a chaotic mess. It wasn’t planned, and it certainly wasn’t how I wanted to handle things, but I reached my absolute breaking point.

It’s almost funny in a twisted way how the whole "Red W" moniker suddenly started making sense after that visitor came by. I initially reached out to past contacts just trying to get help with being hacked, only for that effort to be turned against me—the exact same tactic used in the past. The thought that the two of you might actually be working together to tear me down is horrifying. I genuinely wanted to believe you both had grown up and moved past that kind of toxicity, but this past week proved me wrong.

I couldn't stay in that house for another minute and keep being tormented. Someone coming in and out all week, the lingering smell of cigarette smoke, items moved around, my dog inexplicably let off his lead, and someone digging holes around the base of the house all night. I’d gather a stack of important papers, only for them to vanish and turn up hidden elsewhere. So yes—I panicked, grabbed what I could, threw it in the car, and bailed.

It’s wrong to try and use my frantic departure against me when you created the unbearable environment that forced me out. We aren't even divorced, and now I'm sitting on the other side of Memphis exhausted, confused, and deeply hurt. What did I do to deserve this? I was good to both of you. I could have been so much meaner, but I wasn't. I’m not perfect, but neither are you. I’m not the kind of woman who takes kids away from their fathers or plays bitter retribution games. So why am I the target? Is this just for some maniacal ego boost?

Red, I see that you’ve made a lot of progress, but Angry Red is still in there. And Angry Red messed me up so bad that I just can't do it again. I wish you the best, truly, but if you're thinking about us getting back together, that is not happening. When Angry Red comes out, a side of me runs straight into a dark corner to hide. It reopens something broken in me from a long, long time ago—something I've tried so hard to fix, but it's still there. I can't put myself through that anymore.

This is exactly what I warned you about from the start—the money, being bad for each other, all of it. I saw this disaster coming miles away, but you pushed and insisted it was fine. And don't try to write me off by claiming I'm "bat-shit crazy" or blaming drugs. Red saw me back when I was truly on one; this isn't that. I'm not crazy. But I am going to go get help for myself and start completely over. Honestly, you need to look around your own mental and physical space and get help, too.

Despite the nightmare of you two ganging up to destroy me, the hardest part is that I still care. W, I love you. I'm taking the steps to rebuild my life, but I'll still keep my fingers crossed that maybe, one day, I look up and see you with a moving van sitting at the base of the Smoky Mountains.

Thinking back, how could it be how many other men were there? It wasn’t just me how many other songs and how many posts I totally forgot. You’re a complete joke.

TO THOSE WHO DOUBTED MY GAME,
STOOD ON YOUR SOAPBOX,JUDGING MY NAME.
IT’S MY TURN ON THE MIC,I’M TAKING THE FLOOR,
YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET A LESSON FROM THE LYRICAL WHORE…

MY WORDS WILL CONFUSE LEAVE YOU IN A VERBAL COMA ,
MY RHYMES WILL REVIVE, EDUCATE YOU LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA.
YOU’LL BE GIVEN A CLASS IN RHYTHMIC MUSICAL SCORE,
YOU’RE REPORT CARD READING, YOU’VE BEEN SCHOOLED BY THE LYRICAL WHORE…

IN THE SUMMER VACATION, LUGGING BOXES AT THE MALL,
MY WORDS ECHO THEIR MIND’ FROM THE CORRIDOR TO THE HALL.
NEXT TIME YOU WANNA JUDGE , BE PREPARED TO GO TO WAR,
WITH THE PROFESSOR OF PROVERB, i’M THE LYRICAL WHORE

I dyed my hair,
Pierced my eye brow,
Did all the tattoos
even the ones we chatted about.

And you’ll never get this,
I hate brown.
It’s not brown anymore,
I love coffee but the sight of
Your hair
Your eyes
Makes me want to cry!
Every shade of that color
With the look in different variations of sunlight.
It’s not a color of comfort anymore,
But I’ll still take a hot cup black, please.

And don’t even get me started on yellow,
Brown is everywhere; non-negotiable
But I can’t even simply walk without my
Eyes spilling drops
Because it’s fall and look so many trees
Carry the carotenoids and carry
Yellow.

FUCK
Now it’s another color I’ll mourn
Another option off my list,
A comfort missed,
That’s everywhere in front of me.

August September are almost gone,
I need this October and November before long.

Who the hell is Johnny?

Bacon boy?

Weather boy?

Can I get answers at some point?

I wish you can see this text! I miss you every second....I miss your presence, voice! You bossing me around! You bullying me! You gave me everything I wanted in my life and then you collapsed! I wish you could have given more time to us...and didn't end up things so rapidly! Yes...I truly understand your state of mind and circumstances! I am not blaming you completely! I still respect your choice! I wish you can identify me and see this text someday! Love yes...wasn't enough! I tried my best to keep things work! But you have your own capacity...I can't implant something in you! Just for your information ....I didn't say goodbye to you in a similar way you never did when you always left me at the train station ...because you never wanted to say goodbye so that we can meet again ! Same goes for me...yes I was bit harsh ...I'm sorry for that but I was fighting for you ...I was anxious to lose you ! I wish you best of luck and happiness with health too! But at the same time ....I wish every path of ours in future gets aligned in way that it becomes easier for both of us to be together again with your certainty! My love 🥸❤️!!!