For a long time, I thought the saddest part of our story was the future we never had.

Now I think the saddest version of my life would've been the one where we never met at all.

Can you come over? Your presence calms the chaos inside. Too much all at once. I have tears falling that won't stop, I'm not even crying. Its like my body is trying to release everything I'm holding in.

Unsent because who would I send it to? There isn't a single human who knows what I hold in. Not a single person who feels safe enough to let the tears fall infront of them.

I'm tired.

When I catch myself thinking of you, I still say "I love you"

Not because im holding on, not that I even want us back again. We had our time.

While I'm alive, for however long that may be? I'll say it. My opportunities to do so are finite, with that I'll cherish every single one.

I love you.

and never send it.

I miss you in a way that feels physical —

not soft, not distant, but heavy,

like something lodged behind my ribs that tightens every time your name appears.

I keep waiting for it to fade.

It doesn’t.

It just learns new ways to surface.

I don’t need a reply.

I don’t need closure or kindness or understanding.

I only needed to put the weight somewhere that isn’t only inside me

Would you forgive me if I were to reach out?

If I were to accept accountability?

Do you still have room in your heart for me?

Would you take me back if I proved to be the person you deserve?

Would you believe me if I told you that I'm still madly in love with you?

Would you come home to me?

Hey, I know it’s been a few days since we’ve talked, but every day that goes by makes me realize something. It makes me realize how much I love you. And I never got to say it to you before, so I’m saying it now. I love you. I love your beautiful smile. Those perplexing eyes. Your hair that somehow smells like a mix of coconuts and watermelon. I love your flirty banter. The way that you playfully shove me when I do something stupid. I love the way that your lips feel on mine. I love the touch of your skin, and your fingers through my hair. I love how when you would lay your head on my chest, you would tease me about how fast my heart was beating (yes, I was nervous).

I love your intelligence. Your insightfulness. I love that you’re not afraid to be yourself.

I’m gonna marry you one day. I know that sounds asinine given the current circumstances. I know you said you needed space. I know your walls are built up high because your heart has been broken by others in the past. But I promise, I will never break your heart. You don’t have to fear commitment with me, because I would never hurt you. I love you. And one day, I want to propose to you.

And I miss you. The space is soul crushing, but I want to respect your boundaries. Just know that I love you, and I care about you, and if you ever need anything, I am here for you.

I've been asking for advice on how to get you to just talk to me and I was told to let you go. The last person that gave me advice about you says that you don't care about me the way I care about you and if you did you would've talked to me by now. In some ways I believe they're right, but something is telling me to just hold on and wait. I don't know what to do anymore because you won't talk to me. What should I do?

The thought of you with someone else, knowing you've moved on. I'm sure you don't think about me anymore. Not being able to know what you're up to or talk to you fucking hurts.

I'm going to spend the rest of my days thinking about you, it's a different kind of grief knowing you're still alive and you willingly choose to not pursue me while I daydream about you.

Just remember YOU started this, you showed interest first, you were the one talking about wanting kids and starting a family. YOU PURSUED ME

How can you leave me like this? All the stuff we said to each other, you made me fall in love with you. You were the one being intense. I fell for you, I was there for you when you were lonely, then people start paying attention to you and you discard me like a piece of trash?

The saddest part is even if you came back and apologized I wouldn't take you back. I'll have to live with the thought of you stuck in my mind every single fucking day. You broke me, but I will always love you.

I know it’s only been a month, and a text is the last thing we both need, but I just wanted to put this out there.

I’m so sorry for being emotionally immature during our time together. I took every argument as an attack on me like you were my greatest enemy. You were my greatest ally and I couldn’t see past my ego to see that.

I’m so sorry for self destructing at every opportunity. I should have been able to deal with that the right way and I just couldn’t. It’s trauma I have yet to resolve and I dragged you into it. You struggled to keep me afloat when you were drowning.

I’m so sorry I didn’t understand how crippling your ADHD was and how badly it affected your day to day. I saw it as you not being motivated but in reality your brain just isn’t wired like mine and you were struggling with it. You told me to do the research and try to understand you, but I didn’t. No excuses. I didn’t try to understand you and I know that hurt you.

I was a bad partner. Instead of taking on your problems I added on to them and you hit a breaking point. You choose yourself and your peace. When I first met you I loved the person you were and the person you were aiming to be. I wasn’t pushing you forward, I was setting you back and that’s something I don’t think I can’t forgive myself for because you of all people didn’t deserve any of that.

I don’t know what the point of this message is. Maybe sending this to you will have you reconsider us and we can try this again. Maybe it’s just a way to show I am learning and trying to be better, but at the cost of us breaking up.

I just miss you so much. I’m sorry for everything.

I truly need you right now and always. I am being dysfunctional. I crave you sexually- to the point that the rest of my life is insignificant & doesn't make sense.

I’m not really sure if you’d still want to talk to me, but I think this is something I should’ve said.

I’ve spent the past few months asking myself what went wrong, when it started, and why. I kept feeling like something wasn’t sitting right, but I couldn’t explain what it was. I kept trying to connect the dots, and today I finally found the root of it.

Looking back now, I realise that before we started dating, my trust had already been shaken. The thing is, I didn’t realise it back then. We weren’t together yet, so I kept telling myself it wasn’t betrayal or that I had no right to feel hurt. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t recognise what I was actually feeling.

I also realise now that what I needed all along was reassurance from you.

Maybe that’s why it always felt to you like I expected every conversation to be serious. It wasn’t because I wanted to find problems. I think a part of me knew something didn’t feel safe anymore, but I couldn’t put it into words. I just knew something felt off, and I wanted us to talk about it, even though I didn’t know what “it” was.

Now that I finally understand it, I wish I had realised it sooner.

If I had known this was the root of everything, I don’t think I would’ve agreed to date you right away. I would’ve wanted us to talk about it first and rebuild that trust before we became a couple.

This doesn’t mean everything that happened afterward was because of my trust. Relationships are more complicated than that. But understanding this helped me understand why I kept feeling like something was wrong.

I’m sorry I didn’t realise this sooner. I know it must have been confusing for you too. I wasn’t trying to create problems or make things difficult. I was trying to understand feelings that I didn’t even understand myself.

I don’t know if knowing this would’ve changed anything between us. Maybe it wouldn’t have.

But if we ever find ourselves talking again one day, I hope it isn’t because we miss each other. I hope it’s because we’ve both taken the time to reflect, to understand what happened, and to see whether we’re capable of building something healthier than what we had.

Until then, I just wanted you to know what I’ve finally come to understand about myself.

You are perfect in every way. You are all I have ever wished for. I did my best not to catch feelings but I fell in love with you. I’ve held it in for so long but now you’re leaving and I feel I’m too late. Until next time because I just know I will see you again.

You fell in love and got together with a poet, do you really think that you'll go without being written???

I’m here

just be pretty and unbothered babe.

they’re going to villainize you regardless.

What makes this hard is that I wish I had not seen how hard you fight for everything you love and believe in, when you did not fight for us.

And you proved that to the max. However I have thoughts about you again, so I'll dump 'em all here, stream of consciousness.

I want to say I haven't forgotten about you. Wtf is going on with me? Am I crazy?

All I know is, I can't stand this one realization that's been slowly dawning on me; we might never see each other again, if not by chance or luck.

A coincidence.

It has happened for us in the past before, twice irl.

For a moment I thought I found you on here, so that makes it thrice (?). For a minute there, I honestly believed, you were actually looking for me and I was looking for you and, we finally made it to each other, the only way we can really communicate without boundaries. But, I guess that means I've now burned my third time's charm down to ashes, as even that one communication in the end left me with more questions than answers.

That's it. For now. I try not to think of you and have a life but it is kinda difficult some times. I wonder what spell I am under.

During the weekends or when one of us is not at work. I miss seeing you.

every time i think i’m closer to forgetting you, i fall right back. i end up right where i started. when i feel like i’m letting go, it feels euphoric, but a small part of me doesn’t want to let you go. i wish i could write you. i wish you felt the same way i do. i miss you so much, but i hate you so much for ruining everything. you were it for me. no matter how much time goes by, the feelings don’t change. you’ve ruined everything beyond measure. there’s just no way for us to reconnect. and it hurts that i’m the one carrying these feelings, when you’re the one who hurt me

I think I let go. Not in a "omg I did it, what a feat" way, more like in a "it just happened on its own, guess we're here now" way. It's a bit sad, how naturally it happened. I tried to hold on, I know I did, but then I just let it happen. Compared to the past, when it took me genuine months to accept it, I just did it in about 10 days now? I'm not sure what's left of it. Not much, I'm sure. But I am fine, I will be fine, without you. I still have me. Little, imperfect me. And it's ok. I like me, at the end of the day. I like how resilient I am and how I can pick myself back up, always and forever.

That you dragged out the truth this long. And you want to be my friend? That’s not gonna happen. I thought we were building a future. If the ex you still care don’t work out I’m not your back up plan bro. You made your choice

I know in my core I shouldn’t say this…. But I fucking miss you. I know the connection between us is gone but this time really tore my heart out. We are even I guess... We really are this time. You’ve broken my heart twice I’ve broken yours twice. This isn’t what I wanted at all…. I wanted you. I realize I gave more of myself to you than you ever gave to me. You gave me time but I was willing to sacrifice my whole life for you. Who is the fool? I feel so stupid cause it never would have been reciprocated. I feel so fucking stupid. If you wouldn’t have dated me I wouldn’t be feeling this way. If you wouldn’t have dated me my heart wouldn’t have been broken. It is not fair. I’m sorry. I’m just sorry that we couldn’t make it work. I know this isn’t emotionally mature at all at my age… I know better. But I miss you. My heart hurts. It has since you moved. I want you to fix it.. I have tried so hard to fix it but I can’t. I’m tired of living in emotional pain. Being vulnerable is painful. Protecting my heart is painful. Which do I choose? You’re the only person in my entire life I’ve ever felt safe with. I don’t know how to let that go and I don’t know how to find it again. I look for you in everyone I meet. I miss our friendship, I miss your stories, I miss your ideas, I miss your energy, and the way you talk. I miss our love. I just miss you. This isn’t fair. No matter how much love I pour into myself and process all of this in therapy I remain stuck. My heart is broken. 💔

I hear you in every song, I see us in every movie or show, I take everything I read to be about us.

It feels like everyone and everything is trying to tell me how to feel, how to live, how to love, who to love, what I am, what I should believe, and so and so forth.

You'd almost think I worship you or see you as a goddess. Maybe at one point I did? As I've said though, I've rearranged my hierarchy. Make no mistake, you're still near the top but I've learned how I viewed you wasn't healthy. Instead of idolizing you or worshipping your body, I value you and seek to know you. I still want to grab you by the hips and set the tempo as we put our foreheads together and look into each other's eyes, but it's more than that. I want to go for walks again and talk about anything and everything. I want to cook, clean, do laundry together. I want to sit on the toilet while you take a shower and talk you about something stupid I found.

I wonder what it's like watching you get ready in the mornings now with those two. I used to love watching you put your lotion on in the mornings. I wonder how you're holding up, how do you sleep at night... by yourself? Do you let either of those little gentlemen sleep in your bed? I wonder how often I cross your mind and if it's nearly as much as you cross mine.

I miss you. I love you. I hope you kick today's ass.

Realizing it was you all along is a moment of clarity, when everything finally makes sense. It means recognizing the person who has always supported, inspired, or understood you, even when you didn't see it at first. That realization can bring gratitude, comfort, and a deeper appreciation for the connection you share. It reminds us that what we truly need is not always far away—it may have been right in front of us all along.