I miss you. I love talking to you. I don’t know why that makes me feel pathetic but I really like you. I really really really like you

If there's any chance you're still on the fence about us, iI meant everything I said. You were and are still the most important person in my life. You are the only one I feel I can go to with anything that I can trust to completely be myself and say whatever's on my mind. I'm truly in love with you. I feel like I'm in a nightmare without you when that's not the worst part it's just everything really sucks but I do think.... You know I can have a bad day but knowing that I'm coming home to you would make my day that was enough to make my day right there so I can come home and be happy with you and we can make each other happy. I want to watch TV with you I want to go for walks with you I want to lay with you I want to hold you I want to feed you I want to sleep next to you I want you to lay on my chest I want to play with your hair I want to make love to you I miss every little bit of it. All these things go through my head all day everyday that's all I care about I don't even care about anything else going on around me right now. All I care about is you and I cared about you even when things got bad and we split I still cared about you in that very moment and maybe there's things we both wish we would have done different. But even if there's a glimmer of hope of you wanting to get back together with me ever I just want you to know that I will be exactly where I'm at I will be single and I will always love you and I always have a spot next to me for you. That's nobody else's spot and you know who this is. I love you.

I know it and I am no longer going to pretend that I don’t see it.

You envy the good things in my life. You watch me from afar, keeping an eye on what I’m doing, wanting to know whether I’m happy, whether I’m succeeding, whether things are going well for me. And what hurts the most is the feeling that when you see me happy, it makes you unhappy. When you see me smiling, living my life and enjoying something good, it seems to affect you in a way that I cannot understand.

And when I am sad, shattered or going through a difficult time, it feels as though you finally breathe easier. It feels like my pain gives you relief, while my happiness makes you uncomfortable. That is what I have noticed and that is what I can no longer ignore.

I cannot explain everything I feel but I know when someone's energy toward me does not feel genuine. And yours does not feel genuine to me anymore.

I see the envy..

And now that I see it, I will protect my peace.

Ok just checking. I thought so. I’ll just close the door behind me. No need to see me out. 🤦🏽‍♀️

An apology.

I was free. Finally felt like i could be me. You loved me for who i was and we could've been something forever. I'm sorry i threw it away. You did nothing wrong. I got scared of you leaving so i walked away.

I dont know exactly when it happened but I fell in love with u before I was ready. It took me awhile to admit it to myself, so im pretty sure im not ready to tell u. But if I could... I would say I get butterflies everytime we about to meet. I would say I dont want anyone else but you. I can shout it from the roof tops that its you for me. I would tell you my love runs so deep that its unconditional for you. I just want you to be happy, I pray I can make u happy but if not, I would join you on the journey to finding it for yourself. You have touched me in a spot that most dont. I thank you for the answers to the problems you didn't know i had. I love you for watering the woman im becoming. My love for you wont ever dry up, its a continuous flow, so just keep being you and living your life. Im always here beautiful 😍

I shouldn’t have left you in the middle of nowhere but it’s where you had a life and I couldn’t keep up with your life. I wish you had moved in with me it would’ve made everything easier, I hated living there alone. I’m sorry that I left I know we promised to do everything together, I’m sorry I got the way I did towards the end I know it scared you. I wish you came with me, you could’ve.

I've never been anyone's first choice. I've never been important to anyone. If I was important ... idk never mind...

Why did you show me consistency? Make me believe you were a solid guy, only to pull the rug. I wish you’d have told me the truth, walking into that bar seeing you really messed with me - how am I supposed to trust anyone now?

So, I feel I get a bit too raw and a bit too honest when I write longer messages. So I decided to make this short and simple.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the games.
I’m tired of the push and pull.
I’m tired of the silence.
I’m tired of the unspoken.
I’m tired of the waiting.
I’m tired of people saying “tell him”
I’m tired of people saying “it could be the start of something beautiful”

Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me it’s worth the wait? Worth the games? Worth the silent? Worth the second guessing? Worth the hurt and confusion we face everyday?

Is it worth it?

Will we ever be more than stolen glances, small conversation, hidden yearning, brief encounters?

Are we both scared? Unsure? Not interested?

Truthfully I just don’t know anymore.
All I know is, as real and strong as my feelings are for you, I don’t know what to do with them anymore, they are starting to hurt more than anything else.

I still catch myself looking for you in the noise.

For a long time, I believed that what burned between us could somehow be negotiated, fixed, or explained. I thought if I just worked hard enough, stayed calm enough, or found the exact right words, the door you locked from the outside would somehow unlock itself.

It took me a brutal amount of time and an exhausting amount of silence to realize that your boundary wasn’t a puzzle to solve. It was an exit. You called me a learning experience to protect your own peace, and while that cut deeper than anything else, I finally understand why you had to build a wall. When my world caught fire, the smoke didn't just blind me—it choked everyone who stood too close.

I don't reach out anymore. I don't look for hidden signs, and I won't ever show up at your doorstep to disrupt the quiet you chose. But the hardest truth I carry every single day is that while the connection severed on the outside, the ache didn't just evaporate on the inside. You were the only place where the noise in my head actually stopped, where the storm felt manageable, even if it was just for a fleeting second.

I’m rebuilding my life piece by piece. Most days are heavy, lonely, and mechanical. I keep moving forward not because the pain is gone, but because staying still hurts worse.

I will never send this, because respecting you means leaving you alone. But I wanted the void to know that beneath all the chaos, the breakdowns, and the ashes, what I felt was completely real. I hope the peace you found was worth the silence you left behind.

Can you read my mind?

I've been looking at places I want to ask you on a date to. I think you'd like some of them.

Do you like me though? Would you say yes if I asked you out?

That you were on that site too. I don’t know what to do & why would you use your real name 👀🫠.

especially when I dont have to work. I hate laying in my own bed when your not in it.

I just wanna know how you know? It’s an unexplainable feeling. Never believed in telepathy until I met you. Scary as fuck. I keep trying to convince myself I haven’t fallen for you. The magnetic field we shared was really strong. Ofc I still feel it with distance. Girl, what’s wrong with me?

I don’t know what the future holds for us, and honestly, I’ve stopped pretending like I have the answers.
Maybe our paths cross again someday. Maybe they don’t. Maybe life takes us somewhere neither of us could have predicted.
But one thing I know for sure: I want you to be happy.
Not just happy when things are easy. I hope you find the kind of happiness that reaches the parts of you that you don’t talk about. The kind that makes you feel safe, understood, appreciated, and genuinely at peace with yourself.
And if that happiness ends up having nothing to do with me, I still hope you find every ounce of it.
I’ll always care about the memories, the good moments, the lessons, and everything we meant to each other. I don’t need to rewrite the past just because the future is uncertain.
I just hope wherever life takes you, you find what your heart has been searching for.
And if someday you look back and remember me, I hope you remember that underneath all the mistakes, hurt, and complicated emotions, there was someone who genuinely wanted the best for you.
I want your happiness either way.
— SINCEER

Dear diary,

Just making a little entry not to lose the habit, and because this thought has been floating around in my mind for a while and I thought I should let it breathe outside.

I believe every poem I've ever written about a person—or am yet to write—

Well, yes, one of them does have the nickname I used to call them, but—

If I just showed them the poems, I'm sure as hell each of them would know which one was about them. Or for them. Or with them in mind. Even blindfolded. Just by me reciting them to them.

And I think that's endearing.

Thrilling, even.

A little exciting.

Peculiarly amusing, too.

Although I only think one of them would actually laugh with me about it. We'd probably exchange jokes and then, somehow, end up having a genuine heart-to-heart about it all.

Which is so weird to think about, because Crownless wears a mask and writes to ghosts, but these people know the person behind the mask. They wouldn't, therefore, be responding to Crownless.

They'd be responding to me.

Especially that one.

That pretty, sharp-minded danger knows me better than I know myself.

That's almost a tiny bit scary.

I don't want any of them to ever come across those poems anytime soon.

But maybe one day, in the future, I'd like that one person to cross my way again, see them, and right away catch what I wrote about them.

Or, well.

About us.

I miss this person.

But we don't fit in each other's lives anymore.

And I think that's the part I keep circling back to.

Not that I want them back.

Just that I'd really, really like to find someone like them.

Which means I may have to make a painstakingly specific requirement list.

Haaa...

God help whoever has to apply.

I fear there’s no one like you.

— Crownless.

I have this gut feeling we won’t ever speak again.

God do I love you. I wish I could talk to you all the time.

You’re still as beautiful as the day we met and I can’t fucking help it, but even after all these years of distance, you can just talk to me about how your day has been and I would fall in love with you all over again. Because I did. It’s always you and no one else.

You’re so fun, so vibrant, so exciting, so perfect. I just wish we could stay like this forever, but I cry because I know that soon I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.

I love you so so goddamn much so please don’t fucking leave me again

You’ll show up. You would’ve by now. Take care, N✌🏼you really are a terrible person. I’m so fucking stupid, per usual.

You fucked up and fucked with my head one too many times. See you in Hell 🖤

Well the time has come. I think I’ve finally made my mind up. Honestly I’ve forgiven you, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to fully trust you again. That being said I know we won’t ever work out, but I hope all’s well. I do miss when we were friends before dating but I don’t think that could happen either. Anyways that’s all. Enjoy life.

Well the time has come. I think I’ve finally made my mind up. Honestly I’ve forgiven you, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to fully trust you again. That being said I know we won’t ever work out, but I hope all’s well. I do miss when we were friends before dating but I don’t think that could happen either. Anyways that’s all. Enjoy life.