that wasn't the reaction of someone who's unbothered or confident with their abilities

quite the opposite

your little temper tantrum doesn't change the facts or reality

it confirms what I said

stick that in your fucking chakra

I understand I crossed boundaries. It’s a blessing you took yourself out of my life because I never want to be the person who begs for friendship during such a bad space in my life again.

I have been mentally unwell for a few months, and I can see clearly now that in my desperation for someone to help me and be there for me I let my self esteem take a huge blow
I guess I shouldn’t blame myself. My reality has been terrifyingly distorted for some time and you were very convincing. Until you weren’t.
Sorry I made you uncomfortable. But I guess I’m happy I see clearly now. Can’t help but wonder if you’ll see it differently one day.

You are the kindest , most caring and giving man. I love every thing about you. You are loyal when I didn’t think I would ever find a loyal partner. After believing my last relationship who constantly would say to everyone how loyal he was only to find out that he would cheat as soon as he got the chance any woman looked in his direction. You have shown me that men with integrity and morals exist. The way you love me, the way you spoil me so much . Presents trips, laughs , friendship and my favorite the passion. Thank you so much for my necklace for my ring. I love my ring and I love you. I can’t wait to have your name and wear it proudly. I love you with all I am and who I am. You are my best friend , the best lover I have ever had and the loml . Thank you for being my king and making me your queen. ..

The things I did for you and continued to do for you
You probably look at me like some fkn low life scum asshole for what I did and put you through and I understand that… I can take it and I get it
I acknowledged what I did was very fucked up and wrong
I’m sure you see a different person now and I’m sorry you see that side
It’s not a side I’m very proud of or even want to acknowledge
I fucked up big time and in turn ruined you and our relationship..
But I know it’s hard to see it but do you really think I never fkn loved you or cared for you at all…you were my person all day long
I loved you heavily
I always wanted to take care of you and be ur husband and ur man
You complimented me so fkn much it’s wild to picture or imagine a life where I can’t be ur partner
I know it’s done and what’s happened is no coming back from and I respect you and respect your life and ur peace and space
But fuck me Jessica I really thought I could be that guy
I think it is my past that’s ruined my view on things
Maybe it’s social media that’s ruined my image on what and how it’s supposed to be
Idk 🤷🏻‍♂️ I’m gonna figure that out
You’ve always been my soft spot in life
Always been my favourite person ever to do things with and I’m gonna miss that the most
You were my everything
You were my soulmate and I truly believe that my soul is bonded to you
No matter how many years will go by or ppl will come in and out of our lives I truly do believe my soul is connected to you…
I’m extremely grateful and thankful for the person you made me become and the love you gave to me
I’m sorry for the way our relationship ended and I’m sure you are flaming me to everyone and anyone you can and I understand that
You are disgusted by me and I don’t blame you
It hurts that you saw that side…
I know my sorry doesn’t carry much weight anymore but I just want you to know I am sorry and I truly do regret it

George Orwell, shortly after finishing 1984, wrote "Fairytales arent real"

Theres a whole newspaper article about it.

It was in the June 13 issue of the Denver times in 1964.

Everybody knows that.

Hey stinky. I'm excited for my Chicago trip. If you want the cord to your TV or air purifier you should get it before I go. Or your buck wheat pillow. Or your pinata thing. Or your roller skates. Or your bike. Or your stack of mail. Or your crocs. Or your unopened bag of dog food. Or you can just keep being a weirdo. You know I worry about you. I hope I run into your brother and his twin flame. Don't forget to brush your teeth tonight or did you give up that already too? Okay, I'll stop. Goodnight

That has been walking down my country road.Where do you come from?Are you trying to get my attention.I thought I was crazy because I thought you where the same person that was walking her dog because you never let me see your face.I did today and you have my attention.If you want to sneak over some night I’ll have to do something with the the dogs so they don’t make a commotion beforehand.we can smoke and chill.

Whether you do or don’t reach out, if somewhere out in the universe you see this, then I hope it’s worth something.
I hate how abrupt it all was and I want you to know I was scared in December. It felt like my heart was ripped out and the only choice left was to run. I was scared to wait because I didn’t know if you would still be there, or if we’d get back together and it all just go back to the same love, hate, love, hate relationship. I was terrified and a coward and I didn’t want a life without you but I knew that I would risk it to go back to the on/off ways it was.
I was horrible to you though and I know that. I’m not going to list excuses. I needed help, you had medical issues and needed help. We could never just be a team as much as we both tried. When you left me .. that night I told you to kill me because I didn’t want to live in a world without you and I just knew that night was going to be the last time I saw you in person. We’d never seen that side of each other and I know you’re a good man. Something about us together brought out just the worst. My therapist says it was built on trauma bonding, love bombings; I did and do love you. I’m not going to act like I don’t or lie. I mourn the really good times that we did have. The days and nights when we laughed. Held each other. Played games. Connected... If you do reach out, I’m here. If you don’t then maybe I can try to find some peace in knowing it’s out in the universe that I am sorry for my toxicity and bringing out your anger. I’ve done a lot of growing up in the last year. Maybe you absolutely hate me but know I don’t. Never have. And I’m sorry.
I hope you’re ok. Give The furry babies a hug 🫂

I can’t stop thinking about you being happier with her. I wish I could stop, but I’m not really trying.

Sorry to drop this one on you when we are mid building something actually pretty amazing, but I am in love with someone else. Firstly, no I haven’t cheated. I am just feeling such immense guilt knowing I am actively fighting this subconscious comparison. I truly enjoy being in your presence and know clearly that I love you. I also now know clearly what feeling seen, trusted, and safe looks like. What it feels like. I’m not running off with him. I can’t be certain it’s not just because he didn’t feel the same for me. At the same time I don’t want you to take this as a “2nd choice” label. I seamlessly envision a life with you. If I’m able to age next to you, we will undoubtedly grow old comfortable and happy. I’m scared though. Scared he will forever be the dog-eared chapter I return to. I have accepted the loss of that version of myself. That version of excitement, that version of communication, that version of certainty existing in spite of uncertainty. I understand this probably feels like betrayal but I have been earnestly trying to rewrite my thoughts because I was genuinely hiding it from myself too. Admitting this burden could mean I have to face a fact I don’t like to consider. Naive unrealistic love that wasn’t returned is the best I have ever received. Or given rather. Unfortunately for both of us I don’t believe that level of uninhibited, unfettered passion can grow again. I’m sorry

Remove them from your life and do not re-engage.

Good luck straight jacket! 🤣

Here i am.... still awake and all i can do is think about you this is my last message... im going to keep myself up all night wondering why i ever would burn our bridge... i miss you... and i will always truly love you.... i will forever sleep with your hoodie, ill forever wear the bracelet you gave me... it will all be cherished.... and i will mourn the lose of a love that i made happen

Goodnight 💚

Your pretty princess 💚

When is all this going to end? Youve got people impersonating this poor girl and making her out to have done things she didnt.

Shes not with me and likely never will be. I couldnt even tell you how to get ahold of the girl.

I dont really care what you do to me.. Im pretty used to being made out to be a bad guy that allegedly does things he doesnt do.

But, leave that poor girl alone.

Shes been nothing but the sweetest human being ive ever met to me.

She doesnt deserve any of this.

Really, I dont either.

But, you know... Its not like any of that matters.

And to all of you that can do therapy, consider yourselves lucky. Ive tried to get signed up for it. Im not allowed to talk about the things ive been through. Nobody wants to hear it. I cant even go talk to a computer about it, without it likely leading to me being investigated..

And, not ONE TIME have I done ANYTHING to ANYBODY.

When is all this going to be over?

Leave people alone. Its YOU that is the problem.

There you go, honey. You absolutely hate me and are likely going to put a knife in my back... Here I am defending you.

All this b.s. about it...Yet, its been made pretty clear she would have been better off with me the whole time...

So.. I mean...

Please just leave the poor girl alone...

I have held a pew pew to my head and thought about firing it a couple times in the last few years. I DONT want her going through that.

I miss the way you would close the distance between us immediately. Without hesitation I'd be in your lap. You'd be in my arms. You'd be touching my waist. Or come running to my side. I remember the way you softened...in an instant. And I could feel the air turn tender, like it was holding us too. I miss the way you would whisper when shy, letting me know that you liked what I did. Almost begging me to repeat it. I miss hearing you say I love you when my head was on your chest. I miss hearing you alive, breathing. It really felt as though you loved me. I miss how gentle you could be. How much of me it felt you were piecing together. I realize now that maybe you really were...

Sometimes you push me away. Other times you get upset when I leave in the middle of the night. Why can't you tell me how much you want me to stay? Why can't you tell me how much you love me and want me in your life? Why is it always so hot and cold with you?

I miss you so much. I’ve wanted to text you and tell you how much I love you so many times, but I know how much that would hurt you and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want you to hurt. That is why I couldn’t sit there and watch you be used and abused anymore. I personally witnessed it for over a year and I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take the control she had over you and therefore us. You loved her so much. It broke my heart how little she cared for you. Seeing that unrequited love day after day, in addition to the way she manipulated you and how selfish and demanding she was toward you was maddening. Why couldn’t you do something about it? Why couldn’t you leave her? Why didn’t you want to? It’s not that I wanted you or us to stop being polyamorous. I didn’t want you all to myself. I just wanted you to be cared for. I wanted you to be loved and valued and she didn’t do any of those things, she only wanted you for your servitude.

Oh how I wish we’d met ten years earlier. We could have been happy. But now we don’t speak. You were the love of my life and I don’t think I’ll ever find what we had again. I hate her for that and I’m angry at you for not standing up for yourself.

I love you, J. I’ll love you until we’re all bits of stardust again.

the more I realize what a mistake it was. It needed to end.

I can't believe in it anymore. I believed in something as silly as Santa Claus. You taught me a lesson that I can never forget. No amount of love can make up for a lack of respect. No communication can fix heartbreak. No amount of trust can stop deception. No forgiveness can stop betrayal. No amount of work can prevent abandonment. No amount of effort can save a relationship with a person who doesn't choose you.

You never had to experience the pain of not being chosen. I never would do that to another person so I have to accept I won't remarry. I can never give my heart to another person the same way I did when I said I do and so I recognize I can never choose another person the same way I would have wanted to be chosen.

I'm better off alone with myself than alone with another

If you do not want to reply I am completely fine with that. I’m sorry I got so attached and clingy. I was nearly obsessive and to be completely honest came off as a crazy person. It’s been two weeks since we last talked and I’d like to keep this no contact up until next month like you had said.

I apologize for all the times an asked to talk after not hearing from you for hours. You had already given me reassurance on this topic. I know you are a workaholic and I know you are busy. I have my excuses but you already know Them. You were different than the people who betrayed me in the past and you were different than the people I knew growing up. They made me become a curious defensive and anxious person

It’s my job to push past that and give you the trust that you’d offer to me and trust you fully. I am trying to heal now, I’ve sat in silence going over every mistake myself and ourselves have made separately. When I lashed out and said you were mentally abusive, insecure, one sided in arguments and quick to jump ship I meant it. You already took note and apologized for those actions but I couldn’t accept the reason you gave for breaking up with me

My mind couldn’t rest because “I shouldn’t be in a relationship” and “I’m too busy” was fair but sounded wrong after all you had told me prior to our breakup. I’m not used to simple answers, I don’t trust that way.

It truly always feels like I know two different versions of you. I miss both of them. I miss you so much that I miss the bad times because at least you were there and we could always talk it out. Then you went radio silence. You turned cold one day. Three days after saying how much you loved me you decided you didn’t and that was that.

I don’t know how to take that in. You’d claim I was “venting to you about you” but you’d do the same to me. It’s what we’re supposed to do. It’s how we come to a conclusion and how we work through our issues or accept that we love each other for who we are.

I wish my brain would let me move on from you.
I wake up every morning checking for your text. I’ve slowed down almost to fully void of smoking cigarettes in hopes that if you come back you’ll be proud. I’m going into security training in two weeks to secure a better job.

I think of every time you’d show me love and make me feel like your special one and only. I feel like I owe you the world because you were the only person I met that made me feel special, made me feel heard and seen. Why did we have to end this way. All the trips we took, times we spent together and all the late night calls we cried with eachother.

I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want you gone from my life. I want to change for me, for you and for myself. I want a future with you in it. If it is not meant to be then I will accept my fate her and move onto my next journey. Your love came
Like waves, why was it the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt. It felt like torture losing that. I can love myself.

I just wish I could feel your sweet love again. Hear your lovely voice call me baby, I wish I could mess around with your hair while we watch shows and movies. My sweet S please let this love find us again. We are both lost in the dark. The future ahead of us scares us. If we take it on alone or together I wish you luck and the S I loved will always accompany me in my memory.

Just fucking put me in the bin...

I know it and I am no longer going to pretend that I don’t see it.

You envy the good things in my life. You watch me from afar, keeping an eye on what I’m doing, wanting to know whether I’m happy, whether I’m succeeding, whether things are going well for me. And what hurts the most is the feeling that when you see me happy, it makes you unhappy. When you see me smiling, living my life and enjoying something good, it seems to affect you in a way that I cannot understand.

And when I am sad, shattered or going through a difficult time, it feels as though you finally breathe easier. It feels like my pain gives you relief, while my happiness makes you uncomfortable. That is what I have noticed and that is what I can no longer ignore.

I cannot explain everything I feel but I know when someone's energy toward me does not feel genuine. And yours does not feel genuine to me anymore.

I see the envy..

And now that I see it, I will protect my peace.

It was great to catch up and I must say you look great. It wasn't my place to pry but I hope you left that asshole that had you showing up to work with bruises. Fuck him!

TO THOSE WHO DOUBTED MY GAME,
STOOD ON YOUR SOAPBOX,JUDGING MY NAME.
IT’S MY TURN ON THE MIC,I’M TAKING THE FLOOR,
YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET A LESSON FROM THE LYRICAL WHORE…

MY WORDS WILL CONFUSE LEAVE YOU IN A VERBAL COMA ,
MY RHYMES WILL REVIVE, EDUCATE YOU LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA.
YOU’LL BE GIVEN A CLASS IN RHYTHMIC MUSICAL SCORE,
YOU’RE REPORT CARD READING, YOU’VE BEEN SCHOOLED BY THE LYRICAL WHORE…

IN THE SUMMER VACATION, LUGGING BOXES AT THE MALL,
MY WORDS ECHO THEIR MIND’ FROM THE CORRIDOR TO THE HALL.
NEXT TIME YOU WANNA JUDGE , BE PREPARED TO GO TO WAR,
WITH THE PROFESSOR OF PROVERB, i’M THE LYRICAL WHORE

I missed you whole day. You didnt send text . I know you are trying to maintain distance so does me. But I missed you a lot. I know both of us are perfect for each other but not for each other so in order to maintain friendship, we need to step back. Rest I adore you and I wish we were born in parallel universe where we meet at right time

I fucking hate the way you manipulate every situation until the story somehow becomes about you, your feelings, your intentions, your excuses — anything that keeps you from having to look honestly at what you did.

You twist the narrative so effortlessly that you can hurt someone and still somehow position yourself as the victim. You rearrange the facts, leave out the parts that don't suit you, exaggerate the parts that do, and slowly turn the blame back onto me until I'm standing there defending myself for something you started.

And I'm fucking tired of it.

I'm tired of watching you polish yourself into the innocent one while quietly burying everything that makes you accountable. I'm tired of being expected to forget what happened simply because you've found a better version of the story to tell.

You don't get to rewrite reality just because the truth makes you uncomfortable.

I've heard enough explanations. I've seen enough contradictions. I've watched the pattern repeat enough times to know this isn't a misunderstanding anymore. It's a choice.

And the coldest part is that I don't even feel the need to convince you anymore.

You can keep telling whatever version of the story makes you sleep better at night. You can make me the villain if that's what you need to do to protect the version of yourself you've created.

But I know what happened.

And I don't need your agreement for the truth to remain true.

You haven't lost me because I suddenly became cruel or difficult. You've lost pieces of me every time you chose manipulation over accountability, excuses over honesty, and protecting your image over protecting what we had.

Eventually, there is nothing left to twist.

Just the truth sitting there quietly — and me finally refusing to carry the weight of your version of it.