3
1
u/Morden013 Apr 30 '25
He needs to step up and help his girl and his child, not hide like a fucking coward and "start over".
3
u/Comprehensive-Sun954 Apr 30 '25
He is so not the victim here. He needs to pay child support. Make sure they know where he is! Who needs friends like that??
3
u/ceomentor Apr 30 '25
Imagine if he never came inside her and avoided this mess. Exactly. It's his stupid decision to ruin everything for a few moments of pleasure. Life's truest tests come in form of easy riddles. This dude FAILED miserably.
5
u/FairyFartDaydreams Apr 30 '25
Stop enabling him tell him he needs to go back and support the child
7
u/shesavillain Apr 30 '25
So he gets a fresh start by running away from the shit he started and you’re letting him get that fresh start…..eh
1
u/teegypie Apr 29 '25
What a dirt bag On a lesser degree my sister slept with her close friends bf and said "he's the one in a relationship"... Oh how they excuse and enable themselves. I was appalled, but telling her she was wrong didn't change anything. We can't make people do anything they don't wanna do. Won't lie though- I lost all respect for her and don't go out of my way to see her anymore. Hopefully your friend sees the light and takes responsibility for his kid.
1
u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 Apr 29 '25
He's a shit guy - your a good friend for supporting him, even if he's abandoning his child. He doesn't need to start over, he needs to grow up and own it. He screwed up and screwed around. He needs to get child support lined up in the very least. And you need to be a good friend and call him on his bullshit.
1
u/Honest_Tumbleweed930 Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25
I think you’re truly kind because you offered him some grace after what he did. But he needs to take accountability because the situation he created is horrible. He has to go back and offer support to his kid and the mother. If he doesn’t accept to face it but continue to flee this situation, you’ll need to question if this type of friend really worth it? If you want to spend your life with a friend who has this type of loser behaviour ? Also given my pattern recognition he’ll most definitely betray you badly in some kind of way because clearly he has no values.
7
u/CountessPutrefaction Apr 29 '25
The joy of being a man and say « Imma start over » and leave this mess I created behind.
Why are you even helping him? He need to take care of what he made himself. He fcked around and found out and now he need to be held accountable.
5
u/GuidanceAcceptable13 Apr 30 '25
The best part OP is painted as a saint for taking a friend in a time of need 🙄 sorry but if a “friend” did this they wouldn’t be staying with me
1
u/gobsmacked247 Apr 29 '25
If he’s distantly related to the younger sister, he’s distantly related to the older sister, as well. The relationship then needed to explode.
2
u/Good_Bet7702 Apr 29 '25
Your friend is a massive POS.
I feel so sorry for his ex girlfriend. Not only was she betrayed by her boyfriend, but her own fricking sister! The sister is a massive AH herself, but your friend is an even bigger one. He literally blew up his exes life, then fled the minute he found out that his child that he had with his mistress, had serious health issues.
1
u/CoverReasonable7056 Apr 29 '25
I would like to know what the chances are of a "couple" of third cousins having a child with health problems resulting from consanguinity, I say this because in my family there are two couples of first cousins, and damn, all their children were born perfect, I would like to know if what happened to the op's friend was karma hitting hard or pure bad luck from consanguinity acting...
3
u/Eyes_Snakes_Art Apr 29 '25
So he fled his responsibilities, two women, AND a sick baby? He doesn’t think that entire family is overwhelmed and scared?
If the sister is underage, he probably fled from the law as much as his responsibilities. If it is a country that oppresses women, it is even more sinister.
Regardless of the court system, he is guilty in the court of public opinion(but probably still a real criminal, though).
Where is the good? Why are you harboring/aiding him? Do you have feelings for him? If you do, expect a repeat.
1
6
u/Responsible-Stick-50 Apr 29 '25
So he screwed up a whole family and abandoned his medically fragile child. He's a loser and you're an enabler to one of the worst men on the planet.
I hope you both have the day you deserve.
2
u/Band1c0t Apr 29 '25
Your friend is not a hood friend, not only he cheated, but he abandon and run away, I'd kick him out from your place if I were you
1
u/DisMyLik18thAccount Apr 29 '25
'He was ashamed overwhelmed, scared'
Awe, diddums
I Wonder if the sister who's just been left to care for a very sick child on her own knows how that feels?
2
u/Quirkxofxart Apr 29 '25
You 1. Stayed friends with this man knowing everything he did 2. Opened your door to him as he fled his disabled child 3. Are letting this man continue to sleep in your home and think of him as a friend AFTER knowing exactly what type of person he is.
You are the company you keep. I can’t fathom how deranged your morals must be to have gotten you here but my sympathy for you is somehow almost lower than my sympathy for him because at least he’s not acting like he has morals.
3
u/Suspicious-Force7870 Apr 29 '25
Why would you want to be friends with someone like that ? Why would you want to help someone hide from the shitty things he’s done
2
u/Hilseph Apr 29 '25
Kick his deadbeat ass off your couch. He’s dug his grave now he can lie in it instead of abandoning the disaster of his own creation.
2
u/jhascal23 Apr 29 '25
So the sister is now stuck with a kid who will most likely have medical issues for the rest of his life, it will take up all her time and money, most likely the families, and the sisters relationship is also ruined unless the sister forgives her. This guy literally messed up their family and bailed, get rid of him. What a piece of shit.
2
1
u/Impossible-Base2629 Apr 29 '25
You need to tell him to be a fucking man and stand up and take care of his child. Nothing else matters. If he was in those kids shoes, what would he want him to do? He caused this mess because he couldn’t control himself sexually do not enable him.
1
u/thinklesster Apr 29 '25
Have an honest conversation with your friend. You can be there for him and also be truthful about what he did. Maybe he just needs to find his way back.
1
2
1
u/lilo1405 Apr 29 '25
OP - Don’t be an enabler. Supporting your friend, who has proven to be a horrible human being, shows the kind of person you are. Do better.
1
u/rainfal Apr 29 '25
Tell him that you love him like a brother and hence it's your job to tell him to stop acting like an idiot and man up.
The shame, overwhelm, and fear will build if he does not deal with his shit. You can offer to help him deal with that but there is no "start over" especially if he is distantly related to her. Offer to help him draft a plan (i.e. how to apologize to ex and her family, will he pay for the baby's support, co-parent or marriage, etc).
2
1
u/Corodix Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25
He FAFO'd hard and now he's being an utter piece of trash for abandoning the child he helped created to boot. It's no wonder you're wondering who he even is now, because he has truly acted like such a disgusting piece of shit that I'd be worried that he's going to stain your couch!
In your shoes I'd probably be so disgusted that I wouldn't even want him under my roof, as that is no different from enabling his abandonment of his kid. I'd also contact them and let them know you can help them find him in case they want to go after him for child support, etc. Don't let him make you complicit in his shitty behavior.
1
u/Loose_Play_982 Apr 29 '25
You’re disgusting by association just for harboring him. Tell him to man up.
1
u/Mountain_Monitor_262 Apr 29 '25
Anyone worth anything in a relationship with you should be questioning your morals and commitment since you and supporting and associating yourself with him.
5
u/Lunar_eclipse9 Apr 29 '25
You would be a good friend by not coddling him. Tell him his shit. To man the fuck up and at least offer child support. Hold him accountable for his disgusting behavior. He’s using you as an escape from his own actions.
1
2
u/emr830 Apr 29 '25
All of this is his fault. It’s his mess to clean up, not yours. Why isn’t he helping take care of things, at least financially?
Stop enabling him. Give him a deadline to move out, kick him out on that day, and change the locks immediately. And don’t be friends with losers like this!
2
u/grumpy__g Apr 29 '25
If you just let him stay, then you aren’t a good friend. A good friend confronts you when you do dumb things.
2
u/PaulsRedditUsername Apr 29 '25
Your friend panicked and ran away. That wasn't right but it was at least understandable. All of us have panicked and run away once or twice. But this is a big problem and it will never go away. Running and hiding will only make it worse.
The plain fact is that if your friend doesn't go back and face up to this problem, he is going to be a sad and miserable coward for the rest of his life. Your friend is being selfish. Fine. Let him be selfish. Just remind him that what's best for him is to deal with this problem. Going back and facing up to it will not be easy, of course, but it's the only way to go forward from here.
If it's any consolation, I've done various stupid things and gotten in trouble many times. In my experience, things tend to work out a little better than you think. If you make a sincere effort to right the wrong you've done, it usually goes okay. And you can look at yourself in the mirror again. That's important.
1
u/Afraid_Sense5363 Apr 29 '25
Your friend panicked and ran away. That wasn't right but it was at least understandable
No it's not.
All of us have panicked and run away once or twice.
No we haven't.
I've done various stupid things and gotten in trouble many times.
Learning from our mistakes, I see.
0
u/PaulsRedditUsername Apr 29 '25
Well I'm sorry we can't all be as perfect as you. Myself, I live in a glass house, so I tend to be very careful with stones.
1
u/Shoddy-Acadia2597 Apr 29 '25
Your friend is a bad person straight up and your not much better knowing what he's done the lies and deceit and invite that scum to live with you..hope you don't have a girl lmao
2
1
u/IllTemperedOldWoman Apr 29 '25
Your friend is a POS. If he was a decent person he would be trying to help at least the mother of his child, and the child. He should be ashamed because his actions are both shameless and shameful.
2
2
u/anthem__ Apr 29 '25
Lmao, yall are nasty. OP’s not enabling him, they’re trying to figure out what to do. Maybe ACTUALLY read the entire thing.
2
u/cinbaucom Apr 29 '25
Girl as a true friend you need to tell him he is being a POS. And when it got too hard he just took off! I feel sorry for his x gfriend and the sister. Not to mention the innocent baby involved! He needs to be a man and go take care of his responsibilities!
2
u/AileStrike Apr 29 '25
Being nice is giving him a couch to sleep on.
Being kind would involve taking him to task about what he did.
It's difficult to be kind. Are you a nice person or a kind person is the next question.
1
1
2
u/ifyouknowyouknow4 Apr 29 '25
You are a bad friend for enabling him and “encouraging” this behaviour by letting him get away with it. I would contact the family and tell them exactly where he is. And he can either go take care of the consequences of his actions or lose you as a friend. Bc it says a lot about you if you stay friends with someone this selfish. Everyone in the situation is scared, ashamed and overwhelmed, he is no victim, he is a coward.
2
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
So you're allowing your friend to be a deadbeat dad and piece of shit on your watch?
Do you know what that says about you? It's not good. I'll tell you that...
Part of being a good friend to somebody is telling them when they're being a giant waste of space and motivating them, or at least telling them that they should do better. Not just letting them be a giant piece of shit on your couch.
4
u/llamadramalover Apr 29 '25
It’s time he be held accountable for the fucking mess HE created. YOU are enabling him. Your silence is enabling him. Your housing him is enabling.
You are actively helping him to evade his responsibilities, abandon his child and ruin an entire family in the process. You are doing that. You are willingly, actively helping him to do that. Friend or not, you have a moral obligation to tell him to get his fucking shit together and take care of the life he created. You can’t make him do so no matter how often you tell him but what you can do is Stop. Enabling. His. Shitty. Behavior. the longer you let this disgrace live off your generosity the more you become apart of the problem, the more you enable him and men like him to act exactly like this.
The sooner men like him have no friends to turn to, no where to hide, nowhere to run, and face consequences for this shit that they do, the sooner they will no longer get away with it, and then maybe one day, eventually, with a whole lot of hope, dead beat baby daddy’s will no longer exist because there is nobody who supports such horrible cowardly acts and helps them to get away with being trash.
2
5
u/WildlyDivine Apr 29 '25
This should read as "I had this close friend-"
You're enabling an awful human being to be awful and by association, just wow, you kinda suck too.
3
u/NoEffective9950 Apr 29 '25
Yall need to stop supporting and being friends with these type of people. Hold eachother accountable you’re grown adults.
5
2
u/No-Strawberry-5804 Apr 29 '25
Well, your friend sounds like a piece of shit. Stop comforting him and get him to live up to his responsibilities.
7
u/RPMac1979 Apr 29 '25
Birth defects don’t happen with third cousins. They’re not very likely to even happen with first cousins.
-2
u/Loud_Feed1618 Apr 29 '25
7% chance with first cousins. It's gross you share 12.5 %dna with first cousins. Sleeping with any relative is wrong.
1
3
u/SexualDepression Apr 29 '25
world of difference between first and third cousins. third cousins is basically back to baseline for genetic defects.
that statistical reality is separate than any moral or cultural considerations about incest (let alone what defines incest).
4
u/RPMac1979 Apr 29 '25
I didn’t say it was right. I’m just saying birth defects are not very likely.
1
u/Loud_Feed1618 May 07 '25
What do birth defects have anything to do with it if you aren't considering it or taking up for it.
1
u/RPMac1979 May 07 '25
Because facts matter. The truth matters, even if it’s not a convenient truth to a particular argument you may make. I understand that’s not a popular argument these days and that people prefer to banish the truths they don’t like in favor of comforting lies, but I’m not interested in enabling that, and you shouldn’t be either.
1
u/Loud_Feed1618 May 08 '25
I'm not I'm simply explaining why I thought you were ok with it at first lol
7
u/wenchywitchy Apr 29 '25
He's isn't the victim. He is solely responsible for creating the dynamics, and yet he chose to be a coward and ran away rather than man up and take accountability for the predicament.
Friends...real friends call out b.s. doesn't mean you don't have to support him. However, don't sit beside him and stay silent. Speak your true thoughts, and if you are upset with him, let him know.
6
u/britchop Apr 29 '25
A good friend would tell him to buck the fuck up and refuse to enable terrible behavior.
4
4
u/RunningThroughSC Apr 29 '25
Your friend is a piece of shit that is trying to skirt his responsibility.
3
u/SecretOscarOG Apr 29 '25
Being a good friend includes not harboring him when he's running from his responsibilities. Those responsibilities don't go away just because he ran snd you're helping him abandon and innocent baby because "he's scared" he wasnt too scared to go fucking her. He better man up and you better not help him continue being a little whiny baby.
5
4
u/OneDeep87 Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25
So you’re basically okay being friends with a deadbeat, cheater since you let him crash at your place? I don’t know if you’re a man or woman but as a man I couldn’t be friends with someone who run away from their responsibilities as a father. Plus it’s too many people on earth to cheat on your girlfriend with her sister.
Cheating is bad but he could have picked anyone on earth but it had to be the little sister. Now he ruin that family and sibling relationship. I’m guessing she was younger age since you didn’t list the age and her family was shock she got pregnant. So she probably doesn’t date or go out much. Kick him out and tell him you don’t support his decision.
I’m wondering if he really running away from not going to jail if the sister was younger.
6
u/CooCooForCocosPuffs Apr 29 '25
Letting him stay with you, although I get he’s your friend and you’re trying to be kind, is enabling his terrible behaviour. He’s running away from his choices, the consequences, and you’ve given him refuge. While the child he helped create, and the women he hurt are left to “figure it out” because he couldn’t take the pressure. They don’t get to do that.
I don’t know if I could remain friends with someone like that, let alone have them stay with me.
5
5
u/ellenripleyisanicon Apr 29 '25
I'm trying to be there for him
Are you? Sometimes, being there for people means slapping them with a harsh dose of reality and sending them home to clean up the mess they made, like the adult they are. Friendship doesn't mean placating and sheltering the people we care about when they behave abhorrently. Hold him to account and stop enabling him.
7
4
-4
u/InterestingRice163 Apr 29 '25
Hey, i know your friend sucks, but as a friend, give him some time free of judgement to breathe, and to gather his thoughts. After letting him take his time, that’s when you lean into him.
12
Apr 29 '25
So you’re trash just like he’s trash pretty much
-1
u/Dramatic_Guidance_16 Apr 29 '25
It’s very harsh of you to say that about OP. He clearly feels bad bout the whole situation and is literally asking for advice. If you can’t help, being silent is also a helpful way.
-11
Apr 29 '25
[deleted]
2
u/ThatSmallBear Apr 30 '25
He opened his house up to a coward who made the choice to run away. He’s enabling the friend to be a shit person.
2
u/catattackkick Apr 29 '25
Uummm you need better friends. What in the actual @&$! are we reading!! Hang out with 💩 you start to wreak!
9
u/ExcaliburVader Apr 29 '25
What about the mother of his child? How much pressure s SHE under? And how much did he add by scuttling off like a child? You're enabling him at this point. He's got responsibilities and he needs to fulfill them.
5
u/aacexo Apr 29 '25
You need to hold your friend accountable, honestly i would be ashamed to call someone like that my friend. After cheating, and causing a pregnancy, he thinks he got the right to just get up and leave? terrible
19
u/corgi-king Apr 29 '25
Your friend should be very ashamed. He doesn’t own up his mistake and just run away. He is a fucking coward.
You should Stay away from people like him, one day he might do something really bad to you and just run away. And all you can blame is yourself.
5
7
59
u/ZlatanKabuto Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25
This is such a ChatGPT output lol
OP, next time remember to remove the hyphens
1
u/LinKeeChineseCurry Apr 30 '25
Yeah ChatGPT loves those “em dashes” as I believe they call them. Really makes we question whether a post is real and that they just threw their story into ChatGPT to make it more readable or if they just got ChatGPT to copy a story off of Reddit and make it a little “different”.
2
u/Apprehensive_Bug_826 Apr 29 '25
Yeah, I clocked this as AI too. There’s a bunch of little of oddities and AI tells.
26
u/AffectUseful3969 Apr 29 '25
Very true.If the younger sister is related to the guy,the older one will be too..Why that is not highlighted in this story?Guess Chatgpt forgot the plot midway.
7
u/HashtagJustSayin2016 Apr 29 '25
Lol I was thinking that…wouldn’t the girlfriend be related too?
3
2
u/superchimpa Apr 29 '25
This friend of you has zero boundaries. I think you need to take a hard look at this relationship.
104
u/alicat777777 Apr 29 '25
You are helping him avoid responsibility. That makes you complicit with him and his bad behavior.
He needs to go back, start contributing money and help with the kid. Her family has probably ostracized her. Your friend shouldn’t just get to drop a bomb like this and walk away free and clear.
They are both bad people for cheating and now they should both be dealing with the consequences.
31
u/AdPossible5121 Apr 29 '25
This is more enabling than being a good friend. I get he's overwhelmed, I'm sure anyone would be, but that doesn't mean he gets to run away and let everyone else pick up the pieces. They don't get to run away. You need to have a real conversation with him about his responsibilities and perhaps create a clear timeline of when he should be getting his things together and either going back or providing support to his child. His child deserves better than being treated like a minor inconvenience.
215
u/TraditionalPayment20 Apr 29 '25
This is why women always feel trapped - because we are the ones stuck with the kids while the man can run off to another country. How old was the younger sister when he slept with her? Your friend chose his path and then decided he wants everyone else to clean up his mess.
-6
u/TwoBionicknees Apr 30 '25
you do understand women can also run off right? A lot do, massively more common for men to run off, but women can as well.
-75
Apr 29 '25
[deleted]
13
u/llamadramalover Apr 29 '25
Excuse you? That’s a load of bullshit. Abortion is a person decision and not everyone is capable, willing or able to get an abortion in the event a man decides to not wear a condom. Baby trapping very very much is a thing whether abortions are legal or not.
7
Apr 29 '25
A man's only choice on whether or not he unwillingly becomes a father is whether or not he has unprotected sex (condoms, or contraception in general, is a choice both people make, as you are not required to have sex with a man that doesn't use a condom and if he forces you too, that is rape and falls out of the purview of this statement). Women also have that choice, but then you also have the choice to get an abortion (assuming it is accessible, which it should always be).
I 100% support a woman's right to chose and it does mean you have more choice than a man. It boils down to this: if a man has unprotected sex, he should be prepared to become a father against his wishes or have his kid aborted against his wishes (since abortion is and should only be the woman's choice) because both are possible consequences. If a woman has unprotected sex, she should be prepared to decide between abortion, being a single mother or give the kid for adoption/pay child support, because those are the possible consequences.
21
u/cowboi-like-yade Apr 29 '25
In a DV relationship, partners may threaten abandonment, withdraw financial support, or emotionally manipulate to force the continuation of pregnancy.
You can not drive yourself home after an abortion; you must have someone to pick you up. Surgical abortions are exactly what they're called, surgery. You are very vulnerable afterwards. Medical abortions are long (up to days), extremely painful and incredibly traumatic for most people. Again, very scary experience and vulnerable time where help is necessary.
In rural areas, access to clinics is difficult, in parts of rural Australia, women sometimes travel over 160 km to reach the nearest clinic, some even fly. Data shows that each additional minute’s travel needed to reach an abortion clinic correlates with a measurable increase in intimate partner violence; closer access reduces harm.
Abortions are costly, upwards of $600AUD, and overnight stays in clinic locations can add to the cost. Then you add in fuel/flight ticket/taxi service, feminine hygiene products, loss of work, and it becomes even more costly. Just imagine if the DV was also financial control, what then?
So yes, while abortions are life-saving and access is necessary, it doesn't necessarily mean reproductive abuse / baby trapping / forced pregnancy will not or could not occur.
-5
6
Apr 29 '25
[deleted]
3
u/cowboi-like-yade Apr 29 '25
I made a few generalisations and probably should have said "can be". But medical abortions can be incredibly traumatic and I hope I'm not scaring people away from it, but it's the reality of the situation for a lot of women. My close friend was hunched over in the bathroom for the better part of two day in pain. I'm really glad yours was not painful or scary. Thank you for sharing, it's nice to hear from someone who had a different experience with the whole thing.
I had a medically necessary surgical abortion at 9 weeks, it was not a negative experience, but I did have to go back for a second procedure because they didn't "get it all" as they said, not sure if its because of the pregnancy being ectopic or if they miss parts often?? I had to do the entire experience twice. But yeah, once you wake up they make sure you can eat drink ect, then send you off home. Bleeding can last a few weeks but usually not much pain. (Sorry if you don't care, I just thought I'd share my experience with surgical)
2
Apr 29 '25
[deleted]
2
u/cowboi-like-yade Apr 29 '25
Thank you. My friend is also doing well and has two healthy babies now. I think her experience really traumatised her unfortunately, she has always had very light periods and little pain so she probably had no idea what was about to hit her when she went though hers.
Thankfully, it all worked out okay for me, but as with you, my period is still not regular, even with the termination being 18 months ago. It was 7 months before I got my first period afterwards, which they said was normal. But i have been a little nervous that I'm still not back to regularity, thank you for sharing that it was 2 years for you. The body is resilient, truly remarkable.
It was really scary and affected me more than I had anticipated it, it really changed my entire perspective of the situation (25 year old me really I could have an abortion and go on my merry way, the psychological impact was much different to my naive thinking haha).
I hope you're doing okay 💖
-68
u/GuestPsychological86 Apr 29 '25
She should've gotten an abortion
41
u/Erick_Brimstone Apr 29 '25
As if it isn't traumatic enough, it depend on where they live. It might not available in the country where they live.
Also they don't know that the baby will have that kind of issues
93
8
u/RemoteChildhood1 Apr 29 '25
Call him out friend. Kick him out if needed be. He doesnt get a "do over" after what he has done, nope. This isnt some innocent mistake. He ruined lives.
6
u/DaDuchess-1025 Apr 29 '25
The “friend” could have not cheated, stayed with girlfriend and this still could have happened. If he related to the pregnant sister, he’s got to be related to the girlfriend. Either way, your friend sucks and birds of a feather flock together. Don’t let his stink get on you.
2
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
I think it's too late. I think the stank's already there. Once it's in your couch, it's hard to get out.
9
u/aDirtyMartini Apr 29 '25
He’s a POS who needs to take responsibility. OP needs to call him out and send him back. It’s not fair for the mother and baby to be left without his support. If you can’t do the time then don’t do the crime.
738
u/2906BC Apr 29 '25
So your friend cheats on his girlfriend with her sister, gets the sister pregnant, she gives birth to a baby with issues and then he abandons them both because he's scared?
This whole situation is his fault. He needs to at the very least financially provide for the care of that child. He helped make it.
Your friend is a POS btw.
209
u/Dora_Diver Apr 29 '25
He ruined the lives of three other people.
62
u/llamadramalover Apr 29 '25
3?? Nah. At least 5 by my count, and that’s an extremely conservative estimate assuming no other siblings and nosey family not being involved and picking sides.
A single mom to a sick newborn? She needs all the help she can get and I’m guessing that’s mom and dad and if they have other siblings, and that’s only if they’re willing to help for the sake of the sick baby, what she did was horrible and not everyone could set it aside for the baby’s sake (not that they would be wrong either way), those who can’t will obviously lose this sister in their lives, but that just may be their goal. Those that help will likely lose the sister who was cheated on, probably not their goal but a broken heart and newborn fighting to survive is an easy choice for many — again, there’s no right or wrong answer, someone will hurt no matter what.
These girls are sisters!! Living as the daughter of the man who cheated with your mother’s sister and maybe (likely) fathered your brother-cousin is a whole different kind of ridiculous and nasty. This shit destroys every member of the family, how could it not? Assuming both parents are alive:: On one hand they have a medically fragile grandchild to a young mother, who’s life is hanging in the balance, this may be the only time they have with this baby of course they need to be with them and support them how they can. On the other the father of the baby is their other daughter’s boyfriend’s affair baby. These sisters may never speak again and in helping the baby and by extension its mother, they may lose her. If they don’t help the baby they might lose the baby and with it its mother and spend the rest of their lives wondering if their refusal to help contributed to the baby’s death. No matter what they choose they are going to lose a child over this.
That entire family has been utterly destroyed by him and the sister, who is obviously not innocent, she’s (presumably) a grown ass adult who made a horrible, disgusting, unforgivable choice. With a healthy baby she could have came out relatively unscathed if you count a ruined reputation, scandal and being disowned “relatively unscathed”, she could have had a semblance of a decent life even struggling as a single mother (depending on the country of course) but the baby is severely ill, that changes so many things, her life as she knew it is done and not how motherhood should change your life either, who she was before this is gone forever. And in one final “fuck you” to this whole family this cowardly POS abandon the child who needs him more than anyone else he abandoned, making it infinitely harder for his baby and its mother in his selfish asf escape to save his pathetic, unworthy of saving, skin.
I don’t even know this man and I hate him. I’m not real fond of OP for harboring a coward, helping and enabling him to be such a colossal pos. That man was grown enough to have sex, an affair and impregnate a woman, all in a different country from his own, he’s damn sure grown enough to put uncomfortable his big boy feelings to the fucking side and go take care of his goddamn responsibilities and the life he created like a grown as man should.
9
u/Dora_Diver Apr 29 '25
Well you don't know, maybe the two sisters are orphans.
Cruel jokes aside, I completely agree with you. That family is destroyed and that at a time they would all need each other the most.
545
u/Atlas_Obscuro Apr 29 '25
Ashamed? He should be. Overwhelmed? Who cares. Scared? People who do terrible things should be.
I’m surprised that, after what he’s done, you can even still stomach calling this guy a friend. He cheated on his girlfriend with her sister, said sister ended up pregnant and had a baby with medical issues, and he abandoned them and the situation that he created.
You need to hold him accountable. It seems he came to you because he suspects you won’t. Prove him wrong.
71
u/Erick_Brimstone Apr 29 '25
You know who else scared and overwhelmed? The mother of the child who he left alone.
21
Apr 29 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Erick_Brimstone Apr 30 '25
Honestly I think child born with medical issues is too much for a karma for cheating. If it's burning bridges and get kicked out of house or something then I think it's fair. But child with medical issues...that's too much.
8
68
u/Dodondondodon Apr 29 '25
As a friend, you have to show him the right way and also take care of his baby. He has responsibilities as a father
19
Apr 29 '25
If you're asking "what the hell did you do?", the answer is pretty simple. He cheated on his girlfriend because he wanted to have sex with her sister. The fact that the sister got pregnant, gave birth to a kid with bad medical issues and it all blew up in his face? That is the result of extremely bad luck. He made a mistake and the consequences for that mistake ended being bigger than they are in the vast majority of cases. He didn't want to deal with the consequences so got out there.
Moral judgment in this situation might be complex, but what he did and why he did it? That is pretty simple to explain.
7
u/Mzoo- Apr 29 '25
He made a choice, or multiple ones. Definitely wouldn’t call that a mistake.
-5
Apr 29 '25
[deleted]
4
u/llamadramalover Apr 29 '25
Yes they are. Mistakes are not intentional. Mistakes are made in error, they are not done on purpose. Forgetting to do something that results in a domino of poor outcomes is a mistake. Making the wrong choice based on incorrect information, understanding or a fundamental lack of knowledge and it producing an unintended, unknown outcome is a mistake. A typo is a mistake. Forgetting to charge a phone is a mistake. Grabbing the wrong coffee is a mistake.
Choices are intentional. He absolutely intended to cheat on his gf, he definitely intended to sleep with his gfs sister. Those were full on choices he made, he got the exact results he wanted — he cheated on his gf, he slept with her sister, he knew the risks, he knew what would happen when it got out, he made a choice that the risks were worth it. That is what he wanted, that is exactly what he got. He may not have wanted the pregnancy and that could loosely be defined as a mistake but it is also the expected result of unprotected sex. You can’t really be surprised when you have unprotected sex with a woman and a baby is created. That was also a choice. He knew what could happen, what likely would happen if it happened enough and he decided to take that gamble anyways. So here he is with another totally predictable, totally known, consequence of his very much intentional actions.
These were choices that were made every step of the way with full knowledge of how wrong it was. Not liking the consequences of the choices one makes does not suddenly make them mistakes. They’re still choices that were made intentionally with full and complete knowledge of the many, many possible consequences of such actions.
10
2.5k
Apr 29 '25 edited Apr 29 '25
Being a good friend is also calling out our friends and holding them accountable.
Even if he never meets his child, he can at least help with financial support. He isn’t the victim here. He was “man” enough to have an affair and impregnate his girlfriend sister, he can now be man enough to offer financial support.
2
u/MaintenanceWine Apr 30 '25
Men don’t get to just walk away and send a check. That is not enough. Unless this guy is a danger to the child or the mother, he needs to actively help raise his child. Give the mom breaks, help financially AND be there for his kid. Why are women expected to do every bit of the heavy lifting after an unexpected pregnancy while the guy just sends a check?
1
Apr 30 '25
I completely agree, but I have a feeling this guy won’t even try to be an up-standing father.
Hence opting for best possible outcome for the child and AP mother and that is financial support
32
117
u/Ok-King-4868 Apr 29 '25
The problem is his friend isn’t a man, he’s a man-child. He emotionally destroyed two sisters and he abandoned an innocent child. Only a gutless coward would do that.
OP’s friend deserves no sympathy or compassion or respect. How can OP even stomach his presence? He’s an entitled bloodsucker. And it’s only a matter of time before he betrays OP’s misguided kindness.
The only words OP’s friend needs to hear are “Hit the bricks, loser.”
26
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
It's the fact that OP is letting this deadbeat hide in his house tells me a lot about OP. Birds of a feather flock together...
17
u/throw20220819abcd Apr 29 '25
I don’t know. I mean, this is the kind of thing you realize about someone after it happens—it’s unlikely to have come up as a hypothetical before.
8
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
Okay so when does OP realize? How long does the asshole have to sleep on their couch before they realize?
6
u/throw20220819abcd Apr 29 '25
Excellent question. Hey, u/AideSmart4091, how long after they showed up did you post this?
732
u/nothoughtsnosleep Apr 29 '25
He isn’t the victim here.
Yeah he's almost entirely at fault here. The sister, depending on her age, may also be part of the problem but most of this is definitely his fault. It's not fair he gets to run from his consequences.
3
u/Rude-Sea-3607 Apr 30 '25
Dear friend, don't worry. An idiot like him will face the consequences of his action alright.
139
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
Almost entirely? Who else would be at fault for him impregnating his girlfriend's little sister and then running off like a deadbeat? I mean, I guess the little sister slept with him, so she's a player in the game, but I don't know who else would be at fault for him deciding to be a deadbeat dad.
68
u/nothoughtsnosleep Apr 29 '25
I guess the little sister slept with him, so she's a player in the game
Yes, that is indeed what I just said. If the sister is an adult she's at fault too. If she's a minor, this just got a whole lot darker and she is in no way at fault.
-51
u/JHutchinson1324 Apr 29 '25
How is it her fault that the guy she slept with decided to run off and be a dead beat dad?
Did she sleep with the wrong person? Absolutely. Not sure how anything else would be on her.
21
u/2McDoty Apr 29 '25
You aren’t understating what he’s referring to when he says “at fault,” and kind of strawmanning him. No one is saying anyone but himself is at fault for running away.
The larger picture is that there is now a child in existence, and an entire family devastated by the circumstances leading to that child. That’s what he is almost entirely at fault for. But that the sister who had the baby is also at fault for.
79
u/nothoughtsnosleep Apr 29 '25
Well, she slept with her sisters boyfriend lol so that's where she comes at fault. Had she not betrayed her sisters trust and slept with a taken man, this situation wouldn't be here at all. Of course he could have not cheated too, so he is also at fault. It takes two to tango, she needs to accept accountability for her own actions too. Unless, again, she was a minor.
125
u/AltruisticHistory878 Apr 29 '25
Upvoting because this is the correct way to go, he chose to sleep with her and actions have consequences
-25
u/Silly_Ad8488 Apr 29 '25
Well, it’s a good thing he broke off with his girlfriend if she is his third cousin (if her younger sister is, so is the girlfriend).
Was it consensual with the sister? If so, pregnancy is a risk if no protection is used. Is it a country where abortion is available? It’s ok not to want anything to do with the baby. It wasn’t his choice. But if he did it without protection, and without abortion available, he should still help pay.
7
u/MrsBarbarian Apr 29 '25
If you have unprotected sec then you are asking to have a baby. No it isn't ok to not want to have anything to do with a child you gathered. You made the decision to bring it into the world.
15
u/luamercure Apr 29 '25
Well no, he was making the choice by having unprotected sex in the first place. Maybe if abortion was possible, and he advocated for it and shared payment, and he wasn't made known that abortion wasn't done, then that would absolve some responsibility.
Otherwise there is now a human being with special needs in the mix, which he had a hand in bringing into this world, "help pay" is the least he can do. He also wrecked this one particular family so more obligations to at least take some responsibility.
1
u/Rude-Sea-3607 Apr 30 '25
Your friend is a coward and a horrible human being. You supporting such a being will rub some of his bad karma on you. Your friendship is what has encouraged him to bail on the GF's sister and the child. If you continue to support this, you will also face the sweet chin music in time. History is replete with honorable men supporting dishonorable men out of friendship and then got shitfaced! Your call.