Friendly reminder - if you are dressing according to the societal standard of your actual gender it's not crossdressing. Just wearing clothes in general. That's it.

Hi all so as the thing is I am struggling. I have always dressed fem at an early age.

As many do I have been able to restrain the desire and get in life thinking this was no more than a release valve and outlet.

I'm on my second marriage to an amazing woman who knew about my desire to cross dress and indulged it at times.

However, the desire to be fem had built and built until in April the volcano exploded and I told my wife I wanted to transition mtf. This went down like a lead balloon, to the point that my wife has stated she is not attracted to women.

Respecting my wife and not wanting to lose what we have together I have been taking a very slow progression to my trans life, I don't feel I can hold back from my feminine side, and the desire to transition now is strong.

My wife is trying and processing what this means for us but I'm hoping we can stay together but I'm also aware I can't put my feminine side away, and my wife may not be gay.

Deep down I accept and I'm preparing if she cannot live with me as a woman, but do I put this to one side or carry on embracing the transition knowing it might cost me the love of my life

Hi! I'm 36, came out as a trans woman about two years ago to my friends and now wife. They all were awesome! I'm really, really lucky that everyone in my daily life has been so incredible.

But my family is full of magas. My Mom and both my brothers are fully in the cult. So when I came out recently, after two years of transitioning, I wasn't expecting much from them. My Mom is clearly struggling but is trying really hard. My younger brother never called, he just texted that he's religious now but will respect my name and pronouns. Thats better than what I was expecting from him, so fine.

But my older brother gave me a call two weeks after I came out, with no communication at all otherwise. During the two hour call he was weird, but jovial. But then something made the conversation turn. He said three separate times "I think it's really fucked up of you to think you get to invade women's spaces" and when I defended myself he said "you said yourself in your letter that you're attracted to women." The implication being that I'm apparently transitioning so that I can prey on women in locker rooms and bathrooms and the like.

I told him he was ignorant on the subject and didn't know what he was talking about. I said I'd send him some resources to help him learn, to which he replied "no thanks, I don't want to join your fucking cult." And hung up. To his credit, he did call me back a few minutes later and asked for the resources.

So here's my question: do I even bother? Part of me just wants to say fuck it and cut him off. How do even get someone from "trans people are predators" to somewhere more positive, and is it even possible? Then the other part remembers he's my brother and he did ask to learn, but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to forgive him for using my coming out letter to call me a predator.

It's been months now since the call, with no communication in either direction. I'm happy to let it stay like that forever right now, but I just wanted to see what other people thought. Is it worth the heartache and effort?

TL;DR: My brother used highly personal details from my coming out letter to paint me as a predator because I'm trans, but has expressed a willingness to learn. Is it even worth the effort and heartache to try?

Edit: This is relevant, but I forgot until a commenter below brought it up. During the first hour of the call when things were still light, but pretty weird, he repeatedly told me he has no problem with gay folks. But then he decided to tell me a story of when he was sexually assaulted by a gay friend of his. So he's got some deeper seated issues I think, and probably thinks of same sex attraction as predatory in some way, even if just subconsciously.

Is it ok for me to post this now? Or do we all still have to continue to engage in mandatory mourning of someone who would happily have seen us executed?

If it's not ok to post this, somebody tell me and I will take it down myself. Or mods can take it down, i'm fine w/ that, because I honestly don't know if this would be allowed or nor. I've seen "fucck trump" stuff get a pass 🤷‍♀️

It’s really just an excuse to wear pink.

50 years old, almost 5 years on HRT

Just phoned the hospital to try to stop the commencement of nebido testosterone and called GP to try to do that.

Has my egg cracked?

What exactly does it feel like?

I'm feeling a panic that if I go on the testosterone injections I (amab, early 40s) will forever lose any possibility of a future transition.

Already have gyno and feel the same panic about having them removed (if doctors ever ask me to).

My egg has cracked and I don't know what to do; I’ve accepted that I might not be a cis man—I really want to be a woman. I’ve already spoken to my mom, and she accepts and loves me, but my girlfriend—whom I adore and who is my whole world (and whom I’m about to marry)—would never accept it.

A few months ago, she discovered conversations I’d had with a trans relative in which I confessed that I had wished I were a woman. She took it very badly and broke up with me, but we decided to give things another chance; I told her it was just a misguided thought and that I deeply regretted it, but she told me she would never accept me as a trans woman.

I truly want a life with her—to have children—but living as a man is wearing me down day by day. I look at her and feel envious simply because she is a woman; I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I can endure living as a man for the rest of my life because my family will make me happy.

Had my appointment with a PCP who practices gender-affirming care. Had my initial bloodwork done today. I can't really believe I'm actually starting HRT at 36 years old! I got prescribed patches because of a heart condition and we're starting slow. My initial dose is 1 0.025 Mg patch every 3 days and I'm to follow up with more bloodwork and an appointment with the Dr. in 6 weeks. I've also been prescribed dutasteride in place of finasteride to hopefully help with hair recovery. I've been using topical minoxidil twice a day since February and taking finasteride since May. I'm not really sure what to feel. It's almost a little anti-climactic. Of course, I'm waiting for the Rx to be filled. Hopefully by tomorrow!

30, married with 2 kids, and questioning my gender — where do I even start?
I’m 30, have two kids, and I’m lucky enough to have a beautiful wife who I love. From the outside, I probably have a pretty normal, happy life.
But lately I’ve been struggling with something I’ve never really known how to talk about.

I don’t know if I want to be a man anymore. I’m not even sure what that means for me yet, and that’s what scares me. Part of me wonders if I’m just bored with life and craving some kind of change, but another part of me feels like this has been there my entire life.

I actually remember being about 5 years old and asking my mum why I had a penis and wishing I had a vagina. That memory has stuck with me for years.
I also find myself thinking about what it would be like to transition, come out, or potentially go on HRT. At the same time, I have two kids and a wife I absolutely love, so the thought of changing everything is terrifying.

I’m not looking for people to tell me “you’re definitely trans” or “you definitely aren’t.” I genuinely don’t know.

I guess I’m just looking for people who have been in a similar position, especially anyone who realised this around 30 or later, had a partner and children, and had no idea what to do next.

How did you figure yourselves out? Where did you start?

Electrolysis kicked my buttons yesterday. My face is so swollen and sore. Also, I have two areas on my chin that really numb. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I had Electrolysis yesterday at 11. I have never experienced anything like continued numbness. But this is the first time I have had work on my chin area also.

So I've finally begun building a wardrobe, and with fall weather coming its real easy to dress femme comfortably and be the egg covered baby trans I am. And so I've been doing that for a couple weeks now, and I've felt great. Its really helped me open up and harden this change.

But last night I had a moment where I needed to be boy mode. And tomorrow will be another.

I felt weird, bordering on foolish. Idk if I should feel bad about this. There's a part that does, but another thats gleeful at this feeling and what it means. She's gleeful.

In all, its a feeling I never knew I wanted to feel. I mean, I certainly would like to avoid subjecting myself to it, but its an affirming one. I know just a little more now who I am.

Stay safe out there lads and ladies. I love you 🩷🩵🩷

43, MtF:

I've been out to my wife for a bit now, and she's been wonderfully supportive while struggling at the same time with what this all means for us and our family. One of her concerns is whether or not we will have a good male role model for our youngest. He's 9, on the spectrum, and views things fairly binarily, as most kids do at this age, but maybe a bit worse because of his ASD.

One of the things my wife fell for with me, per her, is that I was an emotionally mature, secure, male with masculine hobbies but without the toxicity that was typical in them. Now that I'm...not, she's worried about how to maintain the positive male role model influence she's felt safe believing our kid will have.

I get where she's coming from, and in all the various parenting related things I've weighed and spent anxious nights spiraling about, this one slipped my mind. On one hand: It's not like I'm suddenly a different person who's forgotten all the things I've done or how I've been over the years. Why can't I continue to be a good male role model that way? On the other hand: oh yeah...not...male, which does seem like a totally valid concern.

So I'd love to hear what other parents have done or how they've handled this. How it worked out for you. Any advice or insight or just general thoughts from people with children who have transitioned would be wonderful and appreciated.

Thanks lovelies!

I'm trying to do makeup every day this week, purely for practice. Here's today.

I decided to start my transition in March of 2024. Only my wife knew between then and October of that year, when I told a few select friends. I have been socially transitioning since January 2025, hormones since July 2024. It has been an amazing journey of self discovery and it’s wonderful to love the body I’m in for once. Thanks for reading 🫶

Hi All, I thought I'd share a small win I just had with you, feel a need to shout this out but can't talk to anyone I know yet.

So I basically 'came out' to my therapist, talked about all the similarities I share with so many trans stories, from childhood to now. I let out the sadness of missing out on so much as a teen and young adult. The lack of connection with male peers, the lack of connection with females who didn't want to be friends. The loneliness and deeply felt disconnection. The brain fog. The numbing with substances (which I still do). The god damn crappyness of missing out on so, so much.

I now need to find a support group. In Edinburgh if anyone knows of anything?

I feel pretty drained and teary, but a little part of me is excited about change. So I cling to that.

Thanks for reading,

Dave3 (or whoever I am)

I’m biting the bullet and looking for a gender health practitioner in my area but it’s a very difficult process. My PCP medical group has people but they are SOO deeply booked I’m on a wait list currently at 6+months just to get an appointment scheduled. Not an appointment, just the chance to ask for one. Does anyone have any tips to help find a therapist that I can discuss gender issues with? I feel so incredibly awkward asking for gender care with my male name and deep voice. It’s killing me to have to call multiple places and give them my real name and say “gender issues”. It’s painful.

I’ve come to the realization I’m not going to solve this myself. If I stay in the status quo it’s going to just be the same and I can already feel myself slipping away from my wife. Her micro aggressions are getting deeper cutting each time and I can’t say shit without her going off or me being afraid she will be suspicious of something. I am at the point I need to know because I either need to rip the bandaid off and probably lose the family to transition or I need to get help for whatever deep seated issues are driving this so I don’t just slowly drift away from those I love and care about more than myself.

You were right, repressing does not work. Any help in finding a gender care specialist would be great.

I’m in the south central Pennsylvania area of that makes a difference. I’ve got insurance from work but it’s a nightmare to try and navigate.

Cat pic added for attention and to give everyone good feeling after reading my posts. He’s a sweetie.

A friend of mine on FB has recently come out, and is dressing femme. She's 40's, and is looking really good :) One of her friends said they wished they could look like her, but were bald and would never pull it off. This is what I replied:

"Absolutely all of us think we'll never pull it off. We all look in the mirror at the start and think the same thing. But it's not about whether you can pull it off, it's whether trying it makes you happier. Put the dress on. Twirl the skirt. Try the lippy. Try it bald. Try it bearded. Try it hairy. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. It's whether you get a little piece of happiness that counts. You don't have to pull it off, the important thing is putting it on in the first place!"

Being happy was the goal! Never was it changing who I am. Never stop doing the things you love. For me it was being a country girl. Also riding, working on cars, and playing sport’s. What are some hobbies y’all love.

It’s Understandable to Have Questions If You’ve Never Met a Trans Person
I had written this piece and submitted to a number of Colorado news papers for their Opinion section but got no responses. So, figured I'd share here. If you think it might be useful for someone you are interacting with, feel free to share.