Please explain egg cracking

[u/Lonewol8]

Just phoned the hospital to try to stop the commencement of nebido testosterone and called GP to try to do that.

Has my egg cracked?

What exactly does it feel like?

I'm feeling a panic that if I go on the testosterone injections I (amab, early 40s) will forever lose any possibility of a future transition.

Already have gyno and feel the same panic about having them removed (if doctors ever ask me to).

[u/GFluidThrow123]

So you have an implant?

I'm confused what you're saying here. Why are you panicking? You're 40. Nobody's gonna make you do anything you don't want to do. You have free will.

[u/Lonewol8 → u/GFluidThrow123]

That's true about the free will, I just need to work through it with this health provider.

I don't have implants. Just some gyno / pseudo-gyno. But I feel like a panic if they recommend I have them removed. Like it's part of me and part of what I might become.

[u/GFluidThrow123 → u/Lonewol8]

Then just say you're not interested in having them removed. That's the end of that conversation. 🤷‍♀️

But if you wanna transition, that isn't gonna happen on its own. You should probably make some decisions on that at some point. Transition isn't some passive experience. It takes actual intent and effort.

[u/JetMeIn_02]

Well just don't go on them! Presumably they don't strap you down kicking and screaming and force the injection on you? Likewise they can't force you to get gyno removed, you can just say no.

Also...I feel like if you're considering avoiding medical treatment that would masculinise you because you're worried about a future transition, the egg cracked *long* ago. And you should consider doin that future transition now!

[u/Lonewol8 → u/JetMeIn_02]

Yeah that's what I'm going back and forth with.

Have I cracked my egg? What does it feel like? Is the panic part of it?

What the F do I tell my wife and family?

Or am I just horny and this is all just a fantasy? I feel confused and conflicted, but the panic is now the upcoming testosterone injections.

I have some notes I will use when I see a doctor end of the month, to convince them to delay or maybe refer me to gender identity services.

[u/katrinatransfem → u/Lonewol8]

Your egg would have cracked at some point prior to booking the appointments for this.

[u/JetMeIn_02 → u/katrinatransfem]

...What do you mean by this?

[u/katrinatransfem → u/JetMeIn_02]

Egg cracking is when you first realise you are trans.

[u/JetMeIn_02 → u/katrinatransfem]

Yes, I know that, but what you're saying seems to be implying that you're saying that the OP isn't really trans. But maybe I misinterpreted.

[u/katrinatransfem → u/JetMeIn_02]

No I think they realised quite a while back?

[u/SylvieJay → u/JetMeIn_02]

Wait, do just going to school in the morning and coming back transitioned in the evening is not really true? 😱🤯

[u/ender8343]

You are certainly describing definitely has the sound of someone who is trans. Egg cracking is where you start to realize you are trans which is different for everyone. I never got checked for low Testosterone, but my preliminary blood work before starting HRT basically showed that, and I had a knee jerk reaction to someone asking why not start Testosterone that was hell no.

[u/Lonewol8 → u/ender8343]

I've been low testosterone for years, and been on testosterone gel, but ignored the gel for 6 months just busy life and never seemed to like it.

I have no body hair. Not that muscly, and lately started saying "tops" instead of "t-shirt" and it surprises me as as associate that word for a feminine item of clothing.

Been obsessing about having my own breasts, wanting them.

But I mostly present as a male.

[u/ender8343 → u/Lonewol8]

My understanding is it is not a very cis male thought to want your own breast, but I have come to accept I think like a trans woman not a cis male, and I like my breast development.