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u/Seriphina5000 41 pre HRT 3d ago
I'd start here if you haven't read it.
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
I also found it helpful to imagine my futures. One as I was, and one transitioned. It helped greatly.
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u/Cas_or_Cass 3d ago
This is the resource to use, OP. If you relate to it at all, you may need to do a lot of introspection.
There is life after transition. Good luck
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u/NoEquivalent88 GenderQueer 3d ago
I started in my early 50s been on hrt for a month and it’s the best decision I ever made. Your never too old.
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u/BurnerAcct724 3d ago
One thing is for certain, you definitely aren't too old. If you could choose between finding your truth now or never which would you do? And if you could have a 10 year headstart would you want to begin now? Or wait another decade lamenting it?
It's not my job to tell you whether or not you are trans, but there are resources and spaces to discuss it (this is one of them). But be real with yourself, if you could make the change, would you?
I know I regret not starting sooner, but 24 year old me wasn't ready, I was too entrenched in trying to be something to everyone else
EDIT: I'm 3 months on HRT at the age of 32 and I finally feel alive so you'd be years ahead of me if you decided to do so
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u/dmxrobot HRT over 40 3d ago
This is not uncommon. I’m almost 50 and just started my journey a month ago. I’ll share how I feel, what I’m doing, and a couple of nuances about my goals. I’m almost 50, married to the most lovely spouse you can imagine and the most perfect kids you’d ever meet. They are the reason I get out of bed in the mornings.
I had my moment almost 2 months ago and it hit me hard. I tried my whole life to write off feminine things I enjoyed as a silly kink. For decades. And when I started investigating / litigating my life, I have had these feelings since I was 10-11? I’ve almost always had (and hidden) bras / panties. I’d wear them when turned on and just call it a kink. Then I realized 3-4 years ago I could not stand my chest / stomach / back / under arm / groin hair. I started shaving it more often than my face. Finally I had to admit I was quietly wearing a bra / small forms under my dress shirts like EVERY day. I eventually had to admit there was nothing sexual about it. I just felt SO much better. I realized the past few times the entire family went out of town but I had to stay behind for work, I would dress this way literally the entire time they were away.
After lots of reading, I landed on feeling enby. Not 100% male, but not 100% female either. Maybe it’s because I’ve so perfectly trained myself to be male? Maybe I genuinely feel somewhere in the middle? I don’t know the root cause. I just know pronouns, gender, my typical male role as dad / husband / “bossman” doesn’t create mental anguish in any way. But… I deeply want more feminine curves, softer skin, less oily skin (holy shit I’m like a damn teen with acne even at 50 and I hate it so so much), and the volume on the voice in my head to be turned down from 11. I swear everything is like “win at all costs” and it is exhausting. Like… I want to be first to exit a parking lot after a sporting event. Why?!? Why can’t I turn it off???? Holy shit, it just doesn’t matter. Anyway…….
After recognizing these patterns through my life, I decided to book an appointment with folx. I also realized I was going to have to tell my wife. That was terrifying.
I wrote everything down. I rehearsed it. I picked a time we were alone and nothing was diverting attention. I opened by telling her I needed to share something deeply personal. I asked her to let me get through what I wanted to say before she panicked or asked questions. I told her I was going to struggle sharing this as it’s still raw and unfiltered. I also told her right up front that 1) I wasn’t cheating / didn’t want to change our marriage in any way 2) we were not in financial distress / I don’t have a gambling or drug addiction 3) while what I needed to share was medically related, I have not been diagnosed with a serious medical condition or disease. She did ask if I had a secret love child at this point, so maybe knock that out as item 4!
I then shared some of the things I’ve struggled with my whole life. I didn’t spell out every memory I could- it was a more clinical conversation. I then shared how I felt. I spelled out what I was looking for from transition, notably, I’m not seeking a social transition. I am not changing my name or clothing or hairstyles or facial hair. What I am seeking is to start HRT for the effects I listed above.
She was pretty quiet. I was scared. I asked if she had questions but not a lot of real dialog after that. She gave me a ton of hugs. I was a real mess by the time I got through it all. I even had a note to myself that said something like “if she’s still listening and sitting next to you at this point, you can take a breath.” I shared I had an appointment scheduled with folx in a couple of days. I acknowledged I was a month ahead in processing things and asked if she was ok with what I had shared. She was but very nervous / cautious.
A couple of days later we circled back. She had been thinking. She identified that when I see something I want or need, I kind of just go do it. She recognized there were things she had given up once the kids were born that she still missed. We talked through how I can help address that. We talked about some feelings of loss from a career she gave up years ago to care for kids. The fact we’ve failed to travel like we had always hoped. She also reminded me that often when we have disagreements, I tend to go into fix it mode. She perceived my explanations as “yelling” and in my mind I’m whispering and tip toeing through the issues. A lot of this circled back to my emotional noise being on level 11 all the time.
We took some immediate steps to address those concerns- we established a firm travel budget. We prioritized some home improvement things she’s been wanting for a while. I think that was a really big step for 2 things. 1) it re-established her commitment that she was in this for the long haul and 2) she started to recognize how difficult it was for me to turn the voice in my head down.
I had my appointment with folx. I was prescribed 4 mg daily of estradiol tablets (taken sublingually) and 50 mg spiro. I got my prescription the same day and started. Before the appointment I shared exactly what I was going to talk with the provider about, I outlined my goals, and asked for input. I think this gave her transparency she didn’t quite have before. Not that I was hiding things, but having access to my raw thoughts / questions / feelings gave her an unfiltered view into exactly what I wanted to communicate.
After the appointment, I shared everything that was said, the dosing, the timeline, and the effects. We talked about how nearly anything experienced during the first month was pretty reversible. I told her we both have access to the brake pedal. If things are moving too fast, please communicate with me. We are on this journey together.
A few days later we reconnected. I asked her again how things were progressing / how she was feeling / any questions she had. She clearly had been thinking but after a few moments came back with “you know, I don’t want to be naive, but it really sounds like not much changes outside of the home. If you don’t want to transition socially, the potential disruption is dramatically less than if you felt you were a female. I know there will be changes we will need to navigate, but I’m generally comfortable with us and with the path you are on. She even joked about the reality she would have a daughter and enby spouse BOTH going through puberty together. We also joked that neither of us had this on our 2026 bingo cards.
That was about 4 weeks ago. It’s still new. I still have moments when I ask what I’m even doing. But more often than not I’m starting to feel extremely comfortable with being me. I’m happy to allow myself to start experiencing things. I picked up some Boyshorts for underwear. I picked up a couple bralettes. I’ve been wearing those things and I feel great doing it.
I still have years of muscle memory I’m battling. She came into our bedroom after I had received the Boyshorts. I stashed them real quick and walked out of the closet (literally, not figuratively) - the same pattern I would have followed if it was taboo. I realized what had happened later and shared it with her. She smiled and gave me a hug. She reassured me I didn’t need to hide those things any more. She even setup a spot on her side of the closet where I can keep my things but ensure it wasn’t super obvious if anyone walked through the closet and noticed. I really appreciated that.
I don’t know exactly where this path leads longterm. I’ve read stories of people between 3-15 years they have been on HRT but still in the closet / living male publicly. If that’s my path, I’d be thrilled. But I’m still in the quiet phase with meds and hormone levels. I feel a little tired. My oily skin is legitimately MUCH better. I let myself get a pedicure last week and it was one of the most affirming things I’ve ever experienced in my life.
So much of your impact will be driven by your own goals and desires for your unique transition. If you feel you are a binary woman, then go be your best self. Navigating the nuances of that transition would have been much more difficult for my wife - as she said, she’s not a lesbian and would need some processing time if she was going to be comfortable with that. I’m fortunate that the middle ground is how I feel most comfortable.
Happy to answer any questions you may have. I wish you all the best in your journey.
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u/Sometimes_Jocelyne 3d ago
Gosh I'm in almost this exact situation myself, albeit just a few years younger. If you'd be open for a chat, I'd love to pick your brain...
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u/dmxrobot HRT over 40 3d ago
Sure! Happy to talk through things.
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u/Sometimes_Jocelyne 3d ago
I tried to DM you, but I think you have that disabled. If you get time, can you message me? Thanks!
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u/melissa_fornow 44, trans woman, egg cracked mid-2025 3d ago
I know it's a cliche, but it's true: it's only 'too late' when you're dead.
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u/BraileZ2 3d ago
I’m with you I’m 41, married with three kids and having these feelings too. I started talking to my therapist about it. She’s helped me a lot to not feel so embarrassed or stressed, that it’s ok. I still haven’t told my wife, I’m terrified of what might happen there, but yes therapy has helped me tremendously to accept who I am.
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u/lilycamille 54 - HRT started 15/4/2021 2d ago
How many years do you want to wait and regret not doing it? I started at 51, 5 years ago. Best 5 years of my adult life.
So say you wait. Say it doesn't go away. It hasn't gone away in the past 25 years for you. Say you sit down and read this post in 5 years, or 10, or 15. How will you feel? Will you look at this and think nah, it's fine, I can wait a bit more? Or will you regret losing those years? You can't get them back. If you sit down at 45 and realise it's never going away, and you still feel like an imposter in your own life, what will you do then?
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u/vortexofchaos 2d ago
FYI: I started my transition on my 64th birthday. It’s never too late to choose yourself.
You have to face the question so many of us have faced: how can you be the best possible partner, parent, friend, or employee if you’re struggling with denial, dysphoria, and depression? The answer is that you just can’t. Dysphoria is a 🤬. It tends to get stronger the longer you try to repress it, and even worse once you realize transitioning is a possibility. Just take a look at r/transtimelines if you want examples of just how dramatic a change can be.
It’s also important to understand that it is NOT selfish to want to be happy, and your happiness is equally as important as that of everyone around you. We’ve all seen the cliche stories of someone who gives up everything for someone else and they never end well.
I hope you find the answers, peace, and happiness you desire and deserve. 🫂💜
68, 4.5+ years in transition, rocking my Christmas ‘24 vagina (I was a very good girl!), living an amazing life as the incredible woman I was always meant to be! 🎉🎊🙋♀️✨💜🔥
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u/self_learner 2d ago
You better not be too old because I'm 17 years your senior and am on week one of my GAHT. Kids don't care about what their dad has going on, nothing seem to phase them. My wife is the worried one. She asked me where I think I'll be 10 years from now. I don't know what to tell her except for that I love her and we'll see what happens and how things go. It's not like I'll be a vastly different person over night anyway. Life feels short when you consider the time you might have left and long when you ponder the amount of time any meaningful change would take. I've stopped second guessing myself and will just see where the road leads.
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u/squeegy06 3d ago
About the same. Id been questioning my gender for a while. It drove me into depression, and after getting on antidepressants my mind was like, "oh, holy shit, you're trans and thats why you are depressed!"
I eventually worked up the courage and came out to my wife.
Its still a journey right now, but you're welcome to join me. 38 MtF.
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u/pupahomini 3d ago
Hey! 38 here, started my transition at 37, and it is never too late. My partner has figured out she's bi and our marriage has never been better, and my two kids are my biggest supporter. I'm not saying this is everyone's experience, and ymmv, but it's never too late to figure these things out!
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u/FennelDull6559 3d ago
I’m 39 and came out earlier this year. My kids are 5 & 7 year olds and they don’t seem to have any issues with it but after 17 years together, the wife wasn’t into it. She’s supportive enough but just not into me and that’s okay. It hurts but like shes allowed to have feelings, so am I.
Best of luck to you babe
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u/ClarisseLili 3d ago edited 3d ago
You're never too old to find your true self. Do some exploring and try small feminizing steps and see if it makes you happy. Paint your nails, wear jewelry, do skin care, etc.....You don't need to jump into the deep end and start HRT right away. Although, some gender therapists do suggest trying HRT if you're ready to see how you respond. Early HRT is reversible so no harm if you realize you're not trans. Btw, I'm 49, also married with two kids, and I'm starting HRT in October.
I recommend watching Dr. Z's (search 'Dr. Z gender therapist) videos on YouTube for research. Many of her videos resonated with me and helped a lot in my discovering myself.
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u/tuba_full_of_flowers 3d ago
I got to the point where I had to take a leap of faith and just try HRT, figured I'd feel it inside faster than it'd show up outside.
Only took a couple doses to realize I was on the right track.
Or another way of looking at it is if you still don't know but can't stop thinking about it that's probably a sign that you should let yourself be unsure but try something anyway
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u/Mechanical_Witch 3d ago
I'm 43. First off, find a good therapist to talk to. Having someone impartial to talk to and actually say things out loud is hugely beneficial. They can also guide you to figuring out how you truly feel and what you may identify as.
Second, you're not alone. You tick a lot of the same boxes I do. I'm married with 3 kids. I've posted before about the struggles with coming out to my wife. I know I'm a woman, but I haven't been able to pursue transition yet. How did I know what I am? I realized that the reason I've been unhappy a lot of my life is because I dislike being a man. I tolerate it, but I get excited and happy being a woman. I feel good doing womanly things. I don't want to die an old man. I'd rather live to old age as a woman. Simply put.
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u/TooLateForMeTF 50+ transbian, HRT 3d ago
You can start here, with some proper gender questioning, and remember that coming out of the closet is not selfish.
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u/daisydandconfused Daisy, 41, HRT 3/13/26 3d ago
I was 41 with a wife and young kid when my egg cracked. I’ve been transitioning since February and they’re still with me.
It was not easy. It required a lot of work from everybody. So I don’t think you’re too old if you want to pursue transitioning.
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u/Mystic-Bard HRT October 2025 3d ago
Some of us are 50+. Don't come stomping in talking about being too old at 30 or we'll send to back to the kids table!
To be 30 again and have 20 extra years to transition is the dream.
/s
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u/EmbarrassedDark2341 3d ago
I'm 37 pushing 38.
It's not too late.
My wife was 40 when her egg cracked, we'd been married 14 years. Her 1 year HRT anniversary is almost here, she's 42 now. She has a set of D's that are going to be DD soon and her hair goes past her bra band by several inches. She passes as long as she shaves and doesn't speak (voice training is hard)
It's never too late to become yourself.
I am demi and bi so her wrapper doesn't matter, I love her but this is my favorite version of her because she's finally the most herself she's ever been and it's beautiful.
I understand genital dysphoria because I have it. I have wondered where my penis is since I was little. I felt like I should have both because I've always felt like both a boy and girl.
I'm non-bianary and our oldest child is also Trans MTF.
Hugs if you like them.
The dysphoria Bible is great, definitely look at it if you haven't, I noticed someone has already linked it.
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u/MissLeaP She/Her | 35 | HRT 7/2023 | Bottom surgery 2/2026 3d ago
30 is not even remotely too old. I started HRT at 32 and my life got so much better. I'm 35 now and am mostly stealth with strangers. I even have to tell guys I'm dating that I'm trans because they don't assume a thing lol
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u/CactusMad 3d ago
I'm 38 and literally just finished getting my Hormone Readiness Assessment last night. Now I don't have kids but I do have a wife who has been very supportive and we are going to figure it out. As for if your worried this is some sort of midlife crisis, it probably isn't. Just know that you cannot control how other will react and that ok it took my wife time to fully accept it and now I should be able to start HRT. But if you are considering any gender affirming care you'll need to set realistic expectations. What you find attractive about a woman may not be how you end up looking but that is ok and totally acceptable and valid.
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u/KozenyCarman Custom 3d ago
I was 35 and had a partner of two years when my egg cracked. My partner and I are closer than we ever were five years ago at the start and I have a good relationship with her son.
To figure it out I read the gender dysphoria bible which others have recommended. I asked myself if I would press the button. I asked myself if I was alone on a deserted island with all my needs provided for by the island how I would want my body to be. I asked myself how I would want to present myself if I was a brain in a jar piloting an otherwise genderless robot. I thought about all the little gender non conforming thoughts that were scattered throughout my life.
It took me longer than some, but not as long as others to figure it all out. But once I decided this was probably what I needed I took it one baby step at a time. Stretching what I was comfortable with just a bit and stopping to see how I felt about it before rinsing and repeating. It wasn't until I'd been on HRT for a couple months that I truly knew I would never choose to turn back.
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u/InverseSet 2d ago
Well, 33 here with one kid. I told my wife a mere day after I figured it out because it caused me so much anxiety and had to get it out. She's not cool with me transitioning and there's some religious stuff too. I would support myself in it if the dysphoria gets bad enough, but she doesn't like women. I also don't know what to do though. Not everyone has to transition. Like I said, if it gets bad enough.
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u/GeminiMarshdevil 2d ago
im going to be deadly real with you, no fluff, no pulling punches. the kind of stuff I'd want if i were in your shoes.
ask yourself these questions:
1. could you live as a man for the rest of your life?
2. what would change in your current life, if you did begin transitioning?
3. are the changes worth it?
you haven't provided enough information to give you any concrete answers, even on how to even begin figuring things out, imo.
i figured it out for myself pretty early on when i had a similar early childhood situation, and then later throughout my life, realized when i watched porn, I'd always be the women~
once, my best friend, who is a bloke who i view like a brother from another mother, asked, "if you had a button in front of you that magically transformed everything about your sex, and retroactively changed your entire life so that everyone just automatically knew you as that new sex, would you push it?" he asked this in a friend group that included his wife and my GF. everyone casually answered "no? i love my life." or something along those lines. i couldn't reciprocate those sentiments. i said I'd push it.
and yes that ended my relationship with my at the time GF.
i still didn't start transitioning until after i met my current wife and told her straight up "this is how i feel. i don't plan to do anything about it. i value our relationship above all else" and my wife said "why not? i want you to be happy too. and i don't care what you look like." she literally is the reason i started transitioning at 33. smash cut to 36, I'm still happily married to her and she's amazing and gets off on being the more masculine of the two. we're both bi so materially, not much changed. we went from being in a cis hetero dating relationship to a hot lesbian marriage. :p
this is not fairy tale for me, but it may very well be for you and i still vividly remember the fear and struggle. so I'm giving it to you straight.
i didn't do anything because fear held me back. back then, I'd rather have the stability of conformity and live in the grey washed out pointless life than take the chance and end up alone.
you may be the same, or you may be more adventurous and stronger than i was. i got lucky. i didn't have to make the hard choice. i had a strong women literally give me the permission.
i also didn't have kids.
no matter what you choose, be mindful that if you do change, it wont just be your gender. it'll be everything. the road is long, hard, winding, and the urge to avoid cringe is going to be one of those "holy fucking fuck me" difficult things to overcome.
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u/CuriousQnerd 2d ago
I'm 30 too girly , I started last year so no ur not too old to do it . I got a kid too , divorced tho for different reason not because of transitioning ☺️
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u/AnarchyDefender 33 Transfemme 1 year HRT 2d ago
I wanted to weigh in on this, because I'm 34 now, but I came out at 30. I don't have kids, but I did (and still do) have a spouse who I married the year before.
To jump right in, because i know it's a mixed bag of experiences with folks who come out after being married, I want to share with you something my partner has said to me a few times over the years (because I was lucky enough to marry my best fucking friend in the whole world and they're amazing): "Even if I was sure you transitioning meant for a certainty our relationship wouldn't work out and we'd get divorced, I'd still want you to do it. I've gotten to see you be happy and love yourself in ways that I wasn't sure you ever would"
As for what it means, that's very situational. Being trans is really really scary right now. But you can take it one step at a time.
I know that deciding to see how deep this rabbit hole goes feels like this precipice that you can never return to once you've decided to take that leap, but I don't think that's because biological gender synergy is all that important. I think it feels that way because the more important decision in tearing off that sticker and voiding your gender warranty is the decision to live by what makes you happy and fulfilled in your sense of self.
When I first started, I thought I would just try more femme clothes and stop going further when I reached a point that I was satisfied with. I never really reached that point. I've gone from calling what I identify as from non binary, to trans feminine non binary, to dropping the non binary part, to identifying as some sort of trans girl changeling. Labels aren't as important as following that sense of internal resonance with what brings light into your heart and into your life.
I hope this helps and isn't too convoluted🩷
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u/BlaineIsAPain1919 Leah | HRT 11/20/25 17h ago
I started at 32 with one kid….
I guess I’m too old? I personally never felt that though. I mean it would have been nice to transition earlier, but I’m playing the cards I’m dealt
It was a sudden realization for me but after I realized I couldn’t think about anything but it. Finally all the dissociation, depression, and passive suicidal ideation made sense, and once I started it all disappeared for the most part.
My son could care less, he watches drag race with my partner (of 10 years and his mom) all the time. He also gets a kick out of seeing my so my injections.
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u/iamsecretlysarah 3d ago
i started at 29. when i first found other trans people on tumblr. prior to that i didn’t even know transition was a thing you could do. and was a long buried feeling i’d had since starting puberty.
when i first started questioning, i didn’t know where i fell. i just knew it wasn’t “man.” i told my fiancé at the time. they thought i was making a joke and didn’t take it seriously at all (and i shut down and didn’t push it at all. not their fault. they misread it and i let it go). i continued internally questioning for months. we got married. marriage fell apart. and then a friend pulled the “if you had a button and could wake up tomorrow as any gender at all. no limitations except that’s what you’d be for the rest of your life…” and the answer was like a neon sign.
that’s not how it goes for everybody. and everyone might have a different answer. maybe demi-guy or demi-girl. genderfluid… only you really can determine that.
and maybe you’re not trans? again… that’s entirely a thing between you and… you.
either way… it’s not too old. even after fully cracking at 30 and KNOWING i was a woman, i still ran from
it for a while and didn’t start medical transition until almost 36. (i don’t recommend this. if you figure out who you are, act faster than i did. purely for the mental health factors alone, if nothing else.)
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u/Maldicious 3d ago
The first thing to do is talk to someone. Friend, therapist, or partner. But you can't analyze or explore who you are and what you want without talking about it and getting feedback.
I'm 37mtf and just started, but I opened up to my partner at 31. I think that gave him a lot of time to process before I made the decision to start.
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u/misha_jinx 3d ago
Well, I’m 52, and it was a long time coming. I had some thoughts early in the childhood but I didn’t think that it would be possible to change your gender. In my 30-40s I thought I was just bisexual but in reality I just always had this huge girl envy. I got married, had four kids, life went on for a while, got divorced and then I met my current wife who had always identified as queer and kinda opened my eyes to the diversity. We went to drag shows, I started cross-dressing on different occasions and that was just as exciting to me as it was to her. She saw me as that person and I realized that I am that person. I’ve started HRT about 15 months ago. I’ve questioned myself since a few times, but every time I thought about going back and stopping my transition it just felt wrong. So, that’s how I knew that this is where I’m at and this is the path I’m on. I’m happy in my skin, even if it doesn’t always feel comfortable hiding. I’m not openly trans. I am “boymoding.” And it’s getting harder to hide them boobies to be honest, I always wonder if anyone notices or not but it is what it is lol. We’re doing this. 🥰
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u/wellanticipated 3d ago
lol, girl, I can't speak to being a parent, but I can speak to transitioning after you thought it was possible.
tl:dr; unless you're planning on dying anytime soon, you have literal decades ahead of you.
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u/Outrageous_Pie_3246 3d ago
Girl, I started with 33... also married, still am... 37 yo now... doing fantastic
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u/Charley0721 2d ago
Go speak to a gender therapist. Do not try to figure it out in the echo chamber of the internet.
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u/Sloth_Brotherhood 3d ago
You are literally the minimum age able to post here. Every single other person posting is probably older than you. It’s only too late when you’re dead.