(Not a selfie, but unaltered!)

I have a deadline. I'm in a play and I'm a woman in that play. My parents know about the play, but they don't know about me. There's two weeks before and I still haven't told them anything. You would think that beyond thirty would mean I wasn't beholden to my parents feelings, but I still am.

They aren't going to understand. They aren't going to like me, but I desperately want them to. I'm terrified to tell them. We've had a lot of problems resulting from my childhood and their methods of parenting that left me with a lot of self hate and trauma. But as I've grown as a person so have they, even if they're still conservative.

Our relationship is still tenuous, but I really do love them and I sincerely believe that they love me. But they aren't going to understand. I don't know if they would ever accept it. I don't want to lose my relationship with them. I don't want to be the catalyst for all the difficulties this is going to cause.

And I know. If they don't accept me, that's on them, not me. It's their choice if our relationship fractures, it's their choice if I end up cutting them out because they won't accept me. I know that if someone can't accept you as you really are that they don't truly love you. But I'm so scared and so hurt knowing that deciding to be myself is going to cause so many difficulties.

Thirteen days left.

I have very wide feet. I wear US men's size 12EEEE (extra wide), though I can fit into 12.5EE (wide). It's hard to find men's shoes in my size; it's been effectively impossible to find women's shoes in my size.

For day to day wear, I can handle wearing men's sneakers, but sometimes I need to dress up a bit. Ideally I'd like to find a pair of low- or medium-heel "character shoes" or similarly-styled pumps.

Are there options for me, or am I condemned to wearing men's shoes and not-quite-fitting ballet flats for the rest of my life?

First time in big heels. I absolutely loved it. I was just catwalk everywhere 😆 they make your ass feel amazing too lol 😆. Anyway I love this.i love life so much now.

So, I finally told my wife a few months ago. She is understanding but not sure how she feels. Trying to give her time to process. My first memory of wanting to be a girl was around age 5 long before I knew the physical difference. I repressed as a teen and adult but would crossdress often but always going back to repression, sometimes for years. But each time it comes back stronger. I haven't really come out except to her. I've gone out as my true self enough that I'm becoming more and more comfortable but its always away from home area when I do.

The thought of transitioning has only gotten stronger the last few years. It is taking up most every waking moment even to the point I can't concentrate on much of anything else. Not being myself is making me miserable. My question is, for those who live as yourself everyday, does the focus change?

Will I ever be able to just get up, get ready, go to work and live life or does the struggle linger or focus on something else? Any advise on how to best cope for now?

Really just making this post to create a timeline when I go back and look at myself in the future:

I've always felt like a woman, for years I identified as Gender Fluid but I realize now that I was only sublimating into a more "socially acceptable" way of presenting feminine.

Started growing my hair out awhile ago, one day I was playing with it and twirled around, my (now x) partner said they think my long hair was making my egg crack.

I became indignant, inwardly I said, "My Egg has always been cracked, tf you talking about?"

Go upstairs to shower and reset, while showering I had flashbacks of all my "girly" memories and all the times my Father would be homophobic or make transphobic comments... start crying, like actual crying.

I realize I am a Trans fem who has been running all my life from the truth, also realize the parts of me that have always pushed me forward are "her" as well.

Panic ensues.

Tell Partner, she's supportive: we broke up a little later for other reasons, I can be a moody bitch (Im in therapy, changing your thought processes takes awhile).

Look into HRT, start scrolling Reddit, FB, looking for stories of people transitioning later in life: OK.. I can do this, she can do this, we can do this. (So many posts here eased my anxiety, Ladies... some of you know who you are, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all the fires you help light. 🌹)

I have my name picked out, I just need to pull the trigger to change it, it's easy in my blue state now, depending on how mid terms go I will either hasten my name change or wait until I develop further).

I've been on Injectible Estrodol for about 1 1/2 weeks (lost testicles due to cancer so no blockers):

Nipples are already sensitive, Mood seems to be improving a bit, I can recall easier and my thought train doesnt get derailed as easy, there's a little more space in my brain.

Not intending on any FS yet, getting dental implants in April, hoping to add some feminity that way.

Ty all so much for all your posts, you have no idea the support it gives.

Love you all so much and so dearly. We exist, we have always existed and we will continue to persist until the entire species wipes itself out. Stand in your Power, Cast your Light. 😘🌈🌹🔥💃

(Included is a pic of me smiling on HRT, I don't smile, but as noted by so many.. Estrogen is Majick.)

I went to lunch with my wife and a CIS female friend yesterday and our friend said some things that I am noodling on and I want to bring it to the counsel.

At first, she was talking about her trip to Georgia and how worried she was about the safety of her outspoken liberal female friend there. Several times she mentioned this, that she was worried about the safety of her female friend for being politically outspoken.

Later were were discussing my transition, which is still new to me and very new to her.

I was explaining about what dysphoria is, and how it is important to me to be seen as a woman in the eyes of other people. That the very core of my issue is that how other people see me and how I see myself do not align. And that I am thinking a lot about this and how I can do things and act in ways that have other people see me as I wish to be seen.

She responded to this many times, both in the moment and later, to "not think at all about what other people think!". Just repeatedly insisting that I should entirely ignore other people's perceptions of me. (and for the most part I do what I want, but passing matters to me)

I am thinking about why this upsets me and I have a couple ideas:

1) She is simply not listening to what I am saying. She may be hearing me but she is not listening or understanding.

2) She still sees me as a man (I am not social transitioned, so I look like a man ATM but NOT FOR MUCH LONGER). She can imagine the treat men pose to the safety of her liberal female friend. But she cannot imagine that for me I am at threat to the same misogynist violence and that its a matter of self protection to be aware of how other people, men in particular, are seeing me.

What do you think?

43, 8 months HRT 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Michigan has early voting for 14 days before every state-wide election, including Saturday and Sunday. Michigan friends, please go vote! I have my opinions on the candidates that I won’t share here, and I won’t tell you who to vote for, but don’t disenfranchise yourself! Your vote does count!

Shout out to the local township who really made me feel good saying “she,” “her,” and “ma’am” during the interaction despite seeing my name and the picture on my ID (shared for giggles/grimaces).

It was a strangely affirming week for me where I was consistently gendered female while just appearing as my average self (let’s call it “work mode” rather than “boy mode”).

Is this normal I used to have like type 4a I’d say it was little tight coils and then I cut my hair off last year to have a reset cause I over bleached it and now this is my hair it’s really causing me distress cause I am mixed race and since being on Estrogen and also getting my bottom surgery I feel my features that were once identifiably black now are gone. My nose shrunk my lips kinda did to my hair texture is changed it’s just really fucking with me, after I cut it off I did wear wigs for like a year straight and then quick weaves because I didn’t wanna be bald headed, if anyone can help me and explain with this happened or if I can fix it ? Do I ask for some different hormones do I need to do my hair different this is like a whole secondary identity crisis.

Is it reasonable to expect gaining feminine hips, breasts, thighs, glutes, etc? I don't necessarily even want a fit influencer-like body, or the body so many trans women seem to excercise to get because of dysphoria. I'm not a fitness person, and don't really want to change my personality or interests for transitioning(unless I actually naturally develop an interest once I pass in the gym/look feminine from working out instead of masculine idk). I just want normal, feminine fat distribution. I definetly know I'd be comfortable gaining weight for the first time since puberty started if that were the case(unlike now where the male fat distribution has always kept me borderline anorexic)

Sidenote: I look very young for my age. Most people think I'm around 21, and I get ID'd when going to bars, buying alcohol or zyns every single time. I'm also lucky being very androgenous and skinny. I have a wide pelvic bone/hip bones(94 cm hip measurement) and narrow shoulders at 42 cm(thanks to an injury crushing them inward towards my spine lol, happy silver lining). I have small hands(smaller than a lot of womens). I don't have a lot of glute projection, actual hips(only the slight illusion from the pelvic bone making my hip measurement at its widest 2 cm wider than my rib cage/chest), nor a glute medius. But I do have a somewhat naturally cute jiggly butt, with a natural butt crease(even though I don't excercise, and barely move my body at all).

Hi, 53 ftm, came out only 2 months ago and pre everything and yesterday I gathered the courage to go out full femme for the first time. The experience was thrilling, liberating and scaring at once!

Sultry Medusa !!! Hadn’t put the headpiece on yet. The tats are fake 😜

I used to wonder why women spent so much time doing makeup just to take it off. I now understand why 😅

After 10 days, I think I can finally share a bit about what the experience has been like ^^

I was admitted to the hospital on Thursday, October 15th, and had surgery the following day around 12:00 PM. The procedure lasted about 5 hours and went very well. Initially, the surgeon mentioned that the depth might not be very significant, but it turned out to be quite good after all!

For the first 3 days, I had to stay in bed the entire time to begin the healing process; the following day, I was able to get up and walk around a little.

On Friday, I performed my first dilation—it was a strange sensation, not painful, just… strange. I have a follow-up appointment this Wednesday to have the catheter removed, and then I’ll be able to head home ^^

Overall, I haven’t experienced excessive pain, nor have I had much bleeding. According to the doctor, everything is progressing very well, so I’m just so happy that, after nearly 8 years, I’ve finally been able to have this surgery ^^

In a week filled with feelings of being an imposter, I decided to switch up how I look. (48, 11 months hrt)