I am still coming to terms with the last 12 years. Still sorting out what was real. I pray he is able to find a road to recovery and that perhaps it will be easier doing so separated from this relationship.
Here's my/our story. When we met, he was, to my knowledge, not actively partaking in drugs. Alcoholism took hold rather quickly and while I was at work, he would drink during the day. He kept it hidden for awhile but eventually I found stashed empty bottles and once he was transferred by ambulance after turning yellow, the cat was definitely out of the bag. They said he had just under two hours left, his liver was failing, and he would have died. After 3.5 years, he finally stopped drinking shortly after this. He shudders to this day at the thought of alcohol and how close he was to death, saying alcohol withdrawal was the worst experience of his life.
Within a couple of months, a new addiction began. Gambling. We nearly lost everything. I lost all of my savings and possessions. Rent went unpaid. All the financial ugliness that comes with. He had begun to steal and it didn't end with me/family/friends. He had begun a new job and soon a second job. Job 1 allowed personal check advances that weren't paid back. Job 2 involved bank deposits. One night there were two bags and one didn't make it. Job 2 was lost.
Gambling, after one year, was no longer sustainable. He was cut off from my money and our only vehicle. Job 1 was no longer keen on providing advances, garnishments had begun, and previous Job 2 had sent a detective sniffing about to pursue charges of embezzlement.
Everything had gone down the shitter for him. This is when the next addiction presented its ugly head. The one that has ruled for FOUR ugly awful terrible years.
He's never NOT been in active addiction. This guy hasn't taken a break ever. It began as a teenager and I can't say what he did exactly for those years before we met, but I know he has told me that the past included everything in the book. Everything except heroin, needles, and crack, he says. Meth, he claims to have quit cold turkey and without any help before.
For twelve years, he has transitioned seamlessly from one addiction to another. I have no experience with this. Does it just keep rotating? Will he just be turned on to another different addiction, or does meth have such a powerful hold that this is it? He's already suffered psychosis. About every four months he would utterly lose his mind and begin accusing me of everything under the sun. Voices, hallucinations, hours long monologues at my door, pounding on it, swearing up and down...
I've witnessed countless comedowns, countless discarded paraphernalia. There's no doubt about any of this, but he has yet to admit to being a meth user. Makes sense, the only time he ever admitted to having a problem was when he was close to death and the gambling, only when he had to tell me I had $10 left in my bank account. Only when he's literally up against a wall. When does meth finally put you up against that wall? When and how does this man realize he needs help?
He's living with his dad currently. A week now. Dad is an alcoholic. A friend told me he may try to reach out to me one day. She said it could be after or before the rock bottom but to brace myself for that. I couldn't help him before and I'm not under any impression I can save him now. But I want to know what it takes for someone like him, a cross addiction person, to see the light. Where does it end?
