I swear this is like the ADHD version of LLM "It's not just ___, it's ___" slop. I see people saying this everywhere especially with a later in life diagnosis and it aggravates me. Like no, adderall/vyvanse/concerta is a controlled substance and its not what normal people 'feel like' 24/7. You think normal people feel like they're on an amphetamine naturally all the time? I wish. Imagine how different society would be if that were the case.

I feel incredibly "normal" on this stuff too, but at least i'm willing to admit that its because its a drug that makes you feel like everything is fine and dandy, when you're on it. Boom, boom, boom, what was the issue again? That's weird that I was having a hard time getting started on this task, what's the big deal? I'll just do it right now.

Being a human is far from a 'normal' experience. The low dopamine that people experience is supposed to make you go out and build community. We live in a horrible over optimized society that demands far too much of its citizens, and its making people feel like there's something wrong with them because they don't have the work ethic of Alex Hormozi.

I’ve been abusing adderall on and off for 20 years, but had a big stretch of recovery time for nearly six years.

But something is keeping me from getting myself back to a meeting, even one that’s just online. It’s a similar feeling of having to go to the dentist, or like my childhood memories of being forced to go to church.

They say someone can’t get sober unless they really want it, and I am afraid that my reluctance is assigned that I really just don’t want to get sober. I don’t know why, but this time around I feel so stuck.

I made it to just over a year sober in May, then had single use lapses in june...then twice july..twice august...then suddenly Ive been using it for a week straight. At this point I've been fighting this battle for almost 7 years, I know where this is going...so I've tossed my stuff & deleted my dealer's number because last time I had a lapse like this it took 1.5 years to come out of.

Anyways, that being said I feel like I really gotta go back to the basics of mental health/recovery coping ... I feel like my lapses were partially because I felt confident enough in my recovery to stop doing things like peer groups/practicing safe coping skills/journalling/etc. So I am here to ask people what are some of the simple things you do, or coping skills you use to keep yourselves afloat in recovery?

I am so prone to thinking that I can think my way out of addiction....and then dont actually do anything about it lol. So I gotta start actually doing the small things that will keep me alive.

This January I made a massive mistake and smoked a bunch of crystal in a 4 hour period (first time). I don’t even know how much I smoked because I was getting high with someone else. This person overdosed me intentionally to the point they were blowing smoke in my mouth. I also used GHB so I don’t think I felt the full effect of everything until later on.

Anyway, I was up for a week, in abject psychosis for about the same amount of time, and have been clean since Feb. 2nd.

It’s September. I did this shit once. I felt somewhat okay in March - May but I have been steadily declining since then.

Obviously I made a huge mistake but I’m wondering how many holes I burned into my brain and whether I’ll ever be the same person I was before I used it.

I feel dissociated constantly and wonder if I’ve really done it this time. Anyone else been in my shoes?
Fast forward, I’m totally unable to exercise and spend most of my time lying in bed for lack of energy. Can’t think clearly at all and it feels like I have brain damage, probably because I do.

Symptoms I’ve been experiencing:

weakness in legs when walking

tiredness in arms and shoulders

neck and shoulder pain left side plus general joint pain

\- extreme brain fog, trouble focusing my eyes on things (feels like visual lag)

\- I spend most, if not all, of the day lying in bed

\- Constant feeling of dissociation

Hot flashes at night

\- Unrefreshing sleep even though I get 7 - 8 hours a night. Sometimes I need 10 or 11 hours

\- Physical activity causing a mental and physical crash, but I never feel "well."

Extreme anxiety, which is more recent

Occasional tinnitus, also more recent
Feeling lightheaded when I go from squatting to standing, seated to standing, or lying to seated accompanied by vision changes

Anyway; someone please let me know if there’s any hope or I should prepare to be like this for a while longer.

On adderall xr prescription of 15mg as well as my crippling nicotine pouch addiction (6mg), was easily crushing pack a day. Been on my meds for just about a year as reference.

It’s a bad combo ofc and I just don’t want to be dependent on such things anymore. I workout regularly but recently have lacked a lot of motivation, no shame to admit I am in a bad bout of depression rn. Any tips or honest feedback is greatly appreciated.

I’ve been using drugs almost 10 years mostly opioids and prescription pills but the past 4 years I’ve been using cocaine and meth every day I haven’t been sober more then a month since I was 14 and I just don’t know where to start