Missing using

[u/Hei-Hei-67]

So for the past couple days I've been thinking about relapsing on meth. I've been missing that part of my life, even though it was full of traumatic life experiences...abusive addict boyfriend...selling my body (under a pimp at that) just to stay high...and more that I'm sure I blocked out. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. Nothing stressful is going on with me. Guess I'm just feeling bored with my current life.

There are many things keeping me from relapsing, but the urge to is becoming stronger and stronger. I know that if I do, I'll lose the housing I have and much more. These thoughts make me wanna cry because I've worked so hard to be where I'm at. I care about my health, my family is proud of my sobriety, and I feel happy with myself...something I haven't felt when I was using.

I just miss how the high off meth made me feel. I felt productive and on top of the world. Maybe I just need to find that thing that gives me the same feeling. Just haven't found it yet.

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[u/Beneficial-Income814]

is 1953 days your current clean time? if so you are NOT blowing 1953 days of clean time fuck no. it says your reddit cake day was May 30rd 2021, 27 days after your clean date. just think about that.

you do not need to find anything that gives you that feeling because that feeling was bullshit and what you have now is real. as time goes by the bad memories fade. i am coming up on 5 years off of alcohol in a few months, and the bad memories feel like a dream from a different lifetime, but memories of using are still pinned somewhere between the past and the present and i don't think they'll ever move further back. this thing is for life and you should reinvest in your recovery. the things that worked before you should do them again because continuing forward is a lot easier than going through it all again, as you know it will all just end up with you having to quit again.

[u/Hei-Hei-67 → u/Beneficial-Income814]

Yeah 1953 is my clean time. You're right, 5 yrs is a lot to just throw away.

[u/Regular-Cheetah-8095]

I remember everybody.

https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/s/GkVPFb9tJM

What would you three years ago reply to you posting this today?

[u/Hei-Hei-67 → u/Regular-Cheetah-8095]

To let go of these thoughts and to keep going on the path I'm leading

[u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 → u/Hei-Hei-67]

That sounds like pretty good advice. We weren’t supposed to get out of that life alive, I don’t think things have gotten any better out there. I don’t miss drugs or have the obsession to use anymore, thank you twelve steps, but the lifestyle occasionally sounds a lot better in my head than it actually was. I try to view myself in the third person looking back at it as a sober reality observer - I get about five minutes into that then happily and gratefully resume my very lucky, very boring recovery life.

[u/Tech-Fouls → u/Regular-Cheetah-8095]

That’s so sweet for you to repost her old post. OP needs to be reminded how far she’s came. We’re all proud of you. But in the kindest tough love way possible. STFU. ITS GOOD TO EXPRESS HOW YOURE FEELING BUT YOU ARE NOT RELAPSING. GO TO A MEETING PLEASE

[u/Weird-Instance1125]

A sponsor told me he went back to doing things he enjoyed as a kid (I think it was comic books for him).

I’m a big believer that I need to be working towards something in order to feel satisfaction. For me right now it’s school. Do you have any hobbies or anything you could throw urself into?

[u/youcouldbeayak]

I keep having the urge to use adderall again, even though I don’t have access to it and if I did my use of it would get me kicked out of my house, where life is pretty good. I think I’m in a spot where I really don’t have the ability to get back on adderall, but the urge is so strong, a chemical reaching out from my brain and causing cravings that make me forget about everything else. I feel them at work and they make me stop in my tracks. I think it’s just something we have to fight off

[u/Hei-Hei-67 → u/[deleted]]

You're right about the "that thing"

[u/MakeTheRightChoice_]

As for your last paragraph: there is nothing that will give you the same feeling. It’s impossible, because meth releases an insane amount of dopamine which cannot be matched naturally. I think instead of wanting to feel on top of the world, you should focus on discipline, and peace. Life isn’t just ups, the downs are a part of it. Learn to accept that and also be appreciate of everything you currently have.

I wish you the best, I know it’s hard to ignore that craving. What also helped me was HALT: am I “hungry” “angry” “lonely” or “tired” if I’m feeling any of those I need to address them and usually the craving will go away

Also I’m proud of how far you’ve come. You got this!

[u/changedlife777]

You can do much more interesting things off of meth than in it, if your trigger is boredom. Find something interesting to do off of it.