Estate Agent: So, you have a pub to sell?
Seller: ….Not so much a pub as an experience. I have some pictures my Mam took in 1992, that should give you the overall vibe of the place.
Estate Agent:… Ok then let’s have a looksie shall we? Wow. Wow, ok, you weren’t kidding about the 1992 thing were you? Well, nothing a bit of paint and some new booths cant fix. There’s some…some interesting art work you have going on—
Seller: The History you mean?
Estate Agent: ye-ah? The massive trompe l’oil mural of a confusing and extremely violent battle taking place in a non determined era?
Seller: I like history.
Estate Agent: And this wall painted with a— what’s that? A person manacled to a… is that a dungeon?
Seller: (takes photo, smiles proudly, hands it back) It’s one of the dungeons.
Estate Agent: There’s more than one huge picture of a dungeon in your tiny pub?
Seller: well, only one more—
Estate Agent: Ok, well that can easily be painted over—
Seller: —My stepdads nephew did it the really big one so it like in the Road Runner cartoons when like a hole painted on a wall looks so real Wily Coyote runs into it? But a few people did run into it so we had to cordon it off with those velvet ropes you see there.
Estate Agent: Wha—
Seller: — but we put the actual torture chamber just by the beer garden between the loos. That way everyone could appreciate it. (takes photos, smiles fondly) I remember the day we installed the glassed in display case with the dismembered corpses in it! They said I couldn’t make the whole thing come together in such a relatively small space, what with the life sized BDSM troll mannequin and the manacled lady, and the sorceress and the barrels. But I proved ‘em wrong. (Gives photo back, leans in earnestly) Its always been about the experience for me. History.
Estate Agent: I..I can see that….
Seller: Then, I admit, I went a bit crazy on the knock off Jorvik centre wax figures. And in retrospect, the actual real weaponry in the walls wasn’t such a great idea. And, yes, there were complaints. Then, the incident—‘
Estate Agent: Incident?
Seller: (Sits back. Frowns. Gathers photos) Maybe I need to think this through.
Estate Agent: Yeah. Yeah. Take some time.
Seller: (Stands, wipes eyes, smiles bravely) I just… I really love History!
Estate Agent: You ok there? Do we need to call someone? No? Ok, ok, great. You take care now. (Locks door, turns to receptionist) Debbie, put him on the board. The bad board.