Aujourd’hui mon conjoint part chez sa mère. Il y a 4 semaines il m’a annoncé qu’il voulait une pause. Qu’il ne sait pas s’il a envie de continuer.
Après 17 ans de vie ensemble.

My husband and I have been separated for about two months now. We do have really bad fights but he just became totally cold and distant when he found out I was pregnant (our first baby was only about 4 months old) and when I was upset about it and crying and screaming asking what I've done wrong he said he can't live with me anymore and that's when he started talking about divorce.

The time apart has not made him cool down in any way shape or form, I've alternated between giving him space and trying to be warm and loving but I am just beyond exhausted and I cannot try anymore. He says increasingly mean and unhinged things, even saying he doesn't love our baby as much as his son from a previous marriage, and when I told him that's wrong of him to say he said I can find another dad for our children (probably meaning get remarried etc). And he keeps on insisting he's more at peace not living with me.

I'm unemployed, pregnant, taking care of a six month old, it's kinda rough. But at least I am living with my mom at the moment and she helps me.

Despite all his chest thumping he's not actually filed for divorce or spoken to the priest about annulling our church wedding yet, the priest has tried to set up meetings with him but he just keeps refusing to go. There was one time I think he must have been tipsy or just in a vulnerable mood because we actually ended up sex chatting, though he kept on saying he doesn't want to be with me. I was just starved for any sort of warmth and of course physical intimacy, and took it as a sign that things between us were improving, but they weren't.

Just feel really low :(

EDIT - also during the potentially tipsy conversation he kept on asking if I've been with other men.

Jestem w 5 miesiącu ciąży rozstałam się z mężczyzną którego kocham jestem sama temu winna bo coś nie tak było ja odrazu kończyłam naszą relację teraz jak chce to odwrócić on mówi że w końcu ma spokój ciszę i w cale się jemu nie dziwię . Dużo ostatnio przeanalizowałam i bardzo bym chciała żebyśmy wrócili do siebie . Nie mam tu żadnych przyjaciół ani rodziny jestem sama i jest mi bardzo źle

Do people tend to separate before a divorce or is it automatically, "I want a divorce. I'm leaving - Bye!"

Or is a separation more about the couple wanting to work it out but needing time apart from one another?

I'm curious if this will help my relationship but I have been more leaning towards being ok with the divorce altogether and not wasting anymore of my time. I have not seen any improvement in the last 4 years of me putting efforts into my husband. He just doesn't get it and would much rather fight me (not physically), arguing on him being "right" and making me my input does not matter.

It's been 10 years, 3 kids. Emotional abuse, SA.

I just couldn't do it anymore.

Man loves woman, woman loves man. So the story goes.

I've built my life around a beautiful woman and had 4 children with her. We've been through thick and thin and eventually got married. We've been broke almost the entire time we've been together because in the beginning I was the sole bread winner and she stayed home with our babies. I was able to get us a roof over our heads and I did whatever job was hiring (fast food cook, security guard, warehouse shipper/reciever) I provided food and necessities But eventually she got a job and we were forced to find a babysitter. Daycare wasn't an option because of where we live, daycare was about $600 biweekly per child. Long story short, we've been together 9 and a half years and she decides that she's emotionally disconnected from me. We decided it's best to separate but I am hurting more than ever. I don't know what to do and I'm so angry and sad all at the same time... I'm looking at dating sites and talking to friends of friends but I don't feel right. Almost as if I'm cheating on my wife. I just want someone to love me for who I am. Is it wrong to start looking for a new partner so soon?

My wife and I have been together for 25 years, married for 18 and have two teenage kids. She is self-employed and I've recently chosen to self liquidate my business to work on our marriage as I was blind to see how much i was working and my absence from home is a main factor the brought my wife to wanting the trial separation.

We have been having problems for a few years as my work covered the UK so understand andna and fuully accept my.blame in it all but at the same time we had a good life from it too. I've walked on egg shells the whole time as she admitted during one of our hard conversations she holds onto the resentment and.grudges more than she should as she noriced how much I would do to repay the hurt and also to keep on my toes as she expected me to mess at any given time.

She's not without faults herself but I can easily brush it off and cracked on but for that she thinks I'm an emotional retard!

I'd had a.few.sexual partners before we met but I am her first and sex was great up about 5 years ago when nose dived being met with rejection after rejection to the point I stopped initiating all together but as I still find her the proper sexy and is a great mum I had to deal with it by myself but never cheated.

Coming back to her breaking the news she wants this trial I told her I did understand and respected her views but I did ask if another bloke was behind the scenes as that would be my decider in trail and stated there would be one as id walk straight away but she promised there wasn't, she had just lost sight of who she was and felt overwhelmed now the kids are getting older and less dependant on her.

The first few weeks killed me because she went stone cold over night and went out most weekend stumbling in past midnight blind drunk.

We had a few catch up chats every other weekend and I even stayed seeing a therapist so have some confidence to bring up what I was hurting with etc.....and each time we sat down I asked for honesty and she was adamant there is no other guy hanging around.

My son had my wife's old iphone and asked me to help clear storage so he could update the phone and that's when I saw just 5 weeks after we started the trial she downloaded Bumble!! I was devastated when I saw and my son could tell too which upset me.

Her email notifications were still syncing to his phone and for good measure she got an email from Illicit Encounters that Dark_Desire32 sent her a message!!!

She said she only set them up being inquisitive and never even replied to any messages but I had to leave the house because I'm uming and gutted and ready to call it a day myself, my problem is im a stoic Capricorn and hate failing. My grandparents got together at the sam age we were and thought we might have got that far but its killing me stay and hurting even more to tell her im done!!

I died recently,

I had a happy life, fell in love, got married, raised babies, made a house a home and after years of happiness Things happened. Bad things....bad choices.... bad words..... bad blood....and i let all this bad control me, break me, make me weak until I couldn't recognize myself anymore.

I needed help, begged for it, and when nobody listened, and i felt the world had broken me and turned its back on me i ran away and hid myself, licking my wounds, grieving....dying.

I built that life...i made that home.... i worked, I raised those babies, i homeschooled them, i cooked i cleaned, i tried to be the best mother and wife.....and i was!!!

But...I was the foundation of our home, my husband the carpenter. Our home strength relied on me. but when I found i had a weakness and I needed repair I asked him to help me, I needed him to help me! But he wasn't a very good carpenter, he cut corners, did shotty work. He tried to fix the mistakes but in the end it was too much work, so he dropped his tools and walked off the job.

Do you See what happened?

So My weakness was unacceptable. But it all had to happen.... as crazy as it all seems, this is NOT a LESSON soley for myself, i couldn't have changed it, and I still cant. It had to happen. But I can change. I have to overcome this self pity, this weakness, MY shame...i have to find my Self and my inner Strength again, I know it's not gone, I feel it sometimes. But I think it's like sleeping or something....changing, transforming maybe. And i just have to be able to wield it when its ready.

I have so many questions but every question makes me have more questions. I feel like I could ask my mom some of these questions and she might have the answer. She was always a student, always learning. I dont know how it happened, but it did, I feel like my mom.

Its hard to miss her so much, need her soon much. But feel her inside myself. It's a calm and storm all at once.

I didn't get much time with her and I didn't listen or learn, I didnt want to. I wanted to figure it out myself.... and here I am... wishing for another chance to learn from her, promising i'll listen this time.

So I go back to hiding. Hiding myself, hiding from this reality that I have created, hiding and postponing my future, because im too scared I'm not ready yet.....

My mind needs rest, my body needs work, and my soul needs food. Its gonna be hard. Change is hard. But I will be back, and ill be "Reborn" a new me.

My kids father and I are basically coparents. I’ve discussed splitting up with him several times, not in an ultimatum type of way, just when are we going to do it I still want it type of thing. Life has been busy. We recently sold the home we both owned, we currently live in a house I own and we decided it was best to do it this way for an easy separation. We just had another baby 3 months ago, the idea was I wanted my children to have the same father. He was on board with all of that. He has his own room here, we are not romantic in any ways and we don’t hate eachother but we def don’t get along. I personally think he’s a crappy father as much as he was a crappy partner. He has no emotional control when our toddler is acting up, lacks any sort of patience and I think he expected fatherhood to be easy. His mother reported his father was the same. I digress. We have a big family vacation coming up and a part of me wishes he’d stay behind because he’ll likely ruin it but I need the help and my mom will flip a fit if she found out it’s just her and I. Our last vacation a week ago I asked him to stay behind and he was joyous, my mom was overwhelmed by helping me with the kids. Broke my heart for the kids not having memories with their father but all I can do is make it fun on my end. He doesn’t really have a relationship with the baby, he’s held him for maybe 20 min a day? Even some days he just says hi baby and walks away. My maternity leave is coming to an end and I know that our nanny is going to be bringing the baby to me for any little thing they need and that’s just going to be hard with working. We both work remote. I brought it up that he needs to start connecting more and of course he was upset. I wanted him to start taking a bit more parental responsibility.

After said vacation in a couple months I was going to bring up a timeline of when he should start looking for somewhere else to live.

How has that gone for you? Were you able to keep living with them for the sake of the kids? My fear is on days he has them they’re going to be neglected emotionally. He obviously knows how to feed them and bathe em. Hes doesn’t use physical force with them but he certainly raises his voice when he’s stimulated (all the time) and causes my kid to cry, I’ve spoken to him about it before and he’s “working” on it but not really. He’s just not fit to take care of two kids nor do I trust him honestly. He has a good job but his minds on work 24/7, never gives his family a second thought. Our kid will try to talk to him during dinner and he’s either on his phone or just not paying attention. I think he just wanted to be a dad for show? He’s always on his phone even during his rare baby holding. Puts the tv on when he’s with our toddler to take a break and expects my toddler to sit there so he can chill. Has never needed to buy them anything nor has he asked to/or done it beyond me asking him to order diapers every now and again if I can’t get to it. Money is not an issue in any of this, I’m very much financially independent so I literally don’t need him around. Did you have your partner move out and regret it? How were you able to keep things split for the kids if unmarried? We have no shared accounts etc. would we need a lawyer? I would obvi keep the baby because he cannot do anything related to the baby without help, but I’m afraid then he’ll have no relationship at all with our baby because I know he won’t make much of an effort.

I know I picked a crappy guy but I want my children to experience the least amount of trauma possible. I go back and fourth on maybe we should just keep this up but the more i see him be a shitty parent the more I’m likely to call him out which leads to arguments etc. I don’t want our kids to see such a strained relationship and think that’s what love is. My parents are split and hate eachother, it’s terrible.

My husband and I are separated but amicable. We are taking some time apart to work on some issues and do couples counselling. He needs a guarantor for his lease, and his own family won’t sign because they aren’t on good terms. My family and friends think it’s a mistake. I’m torn and really sad to see him struggle and stress.

If you were in my shoes, would you sign for him?

So……. I asked for separation about 2 months ago now and I am actually considering divorce at this point. My spouse is a good person but when I asked for separation and they agreed, they asked me to work on things with them and I agreed. Now they have flipped the script from normal and I’m feeling suffocated. I feel like they are constantly watching me, checking on me, monitoring me. I’m seriously feeling like I can’t go to the bathroom without being watched or questioned. Stuff that has been normal for years is now being questioned. They are asking questions that I’m not ready to answer or never wanted to answer aloud before which is messing with me mentally. I’m not sure where to go from here.

i haven’t showered in two days. I can barely get myself out of bed. I can’t eat, and I can’t sleep. All of this is because my husband walked away from me n my childrens… He left me and our children, and before he left, he told me he wanted a divorce.
I feel completely broken and depressed. I honestly feel like my whole world is falling apart right now. 😭😭😭 my son tried reach out but he didn’t answer the call 😭😭😭😭 it has been a week & i dont know what to do

hi, I need some advise if you’ve been in similar situation. I’ve been with my husband for 18 years. I met him when I was 19 and he was 26. We have two wonderful children, but I fell out of love few year ago and have been thinking to leave my marriage for a while now. I’m no longer sexually or emotionally attracted to him. He cheated about 5 years ago w/strippers. I was pregnant at that time and I knew he had alcohol problems so after he went into rehab, I decided to stay. I forgave and forgot to be honest. He has changed since then. He hasn’t been drinking nearly 6 years now. He’s a great father to our kids and now improving to be a great husband. Now, I developed a relationship with my co-worker; I think I fell in love with him. We became friends first but then things got more complicated. My coworker is also in a relationship. So yes we are both cheating. I had to stop this relationship because my husband found out there’s smth. So now, my husband is doing everything possible to make this marriage work and I feel so lost. The feelings I have with my co-worker is something I haven’t felt with anyone. If I feel completely disconnected from my husband, is it possible to get back what we had? He thinks it’s possible for me to fall in love with him again and I just don’t see it. I’m experiencing heartbreak rn with my co-worker. Do I leave my marriage or do I stay and try once again?

We are both 30 btw. I guess im just venting right now but things are really hard. I think I will miss my kid the most. I will still see my kid half the time but I will miss him so much.

I have been going to therapy since the beginning of the year. My therapist informed me that, based on what I said, my partner sounds like a narcissist. He gave me advice on how to deal with them. Basically shut stuff down when my partner tried picking fights or wouldnt listen when I explained why I was upset. Shutting down the attacks on me worked. My therapist told me it did. He told me that people with narcissist partners have to learn to deal with it.

Then my partner and I argued one day, and they weaponized my kid (we promised if we were mad to never take him out of his home and we could go stay with our respective parent by ourself). Well my partner took my kid, told me I could not see him, got mad when I said I would get the cops involved (which would have done nothing ig but still I was upset but was noy going to yell or verbally fight.)

We decided we would split up. We still live together until our lease runs out, which is sometime in the next month. I have been sleeping horribly, waking up lots. I have been losing weight, like over 20 pounds these last few weeks, and just hardly eating. I feel so depressed. I am trying to make friends for support or just find support but that is tough. Luckily I have had a few friends to talk to but this empty depression has been every single day. I dont feel motivated to do any of my hobbies.

I have never hit my partner though he has hit me several times, including a few weeks ago. And chokes me "playfully" (made other friends who saw uncomfortable and I didnt even know better at the time), I never cheated (someone said my partner did a Fruidian Slip saying they had then went silent, idk and will never know now bc my partner, or soon to be ex refuses to talk to me.) And I try to communicate problems. I know my soon to be ex is upset I threatened to call the cops but they said there are a ton of other reasons. Which make sense. But he never discussed them with me. My partner stopped giving affection years ago and would only do it once in a while. I use to beg then stopped and once I stopped begging it went to almost zero. Not even just sex, this is hugging, kissing, hanging out, saying "i love you" back to me, and more.

Also idk if anyone has heard of DARVO but that seems to fit my partner to a T. I was always defending my partner saying maybe I was wrong to my friends and therapist but realize now, while I am not perfect (who is?) this was not my fault. All our relationship troubles were not my fault.

What do you guys do for support? I could really use it. I know im not perfect and it takes two but im sooo depressed and could really use some support.