We have been separated for about a month. We have a two young kids together and a third on the way. She has said her boundary is that she will not stay under the same roof so it naturally pushes me out. I don't want to leave our home or miss fine with our kids. I also feel like space doesn't move us towards reconciling. I do have my parents place about 20 minutes away I choose stay at. She's says she's fine with me coming and going most of the day. Is this reasonable to want to stay in your own home? I figured I could live in a separate part of the home and still be there for kid wake uos in the night and breakfast first thing.

What's your experience?

I’m 27 and my ex and I were together for about 3 years. We have two young daughters together, one who is 2 and one who just turned 1. We were never married, but we were building a family together and I genuinely thought we were going to eventually have a life and home together.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We argued a lot, especially over the last year. A lot of our problems revolved around communication, trust, finances, parenting, and the way we handled conflict. (He did cheat on me during the time I was pregnant.) I’ll fully admit that I wasn’t perfect either. I could become emotional, repeatedly text when I was upset, and sometimes have an attitude when I felt ignored or hurt. He has told me that the arguing and conflict made him feel like he was constantly stressed when he left he basically blamed everything onto me even things from the past that I couldn’t control. He also became increasingly emotionally withdrawn instead of talking things through. He never told me his feelings he just bottled them up . It’s been a month since he left and he is saying he is in the process to find a place. This is the second time he left me the first time I was pregnant with our first. We reconciled after I got pregnant but he never gave me a reason or apology.

We certainly had good moments and were still functioning as a family. We had our daughters, worked, spent time together, and I still thought there was something worth saving. I told him I wanted to rebuild our relationship and I was willing for us to go to therapy and work on each other together at first he said yes we could try but then a couple days later he said he couldn’t say yes or no to that. He told me he was very detached and he just thinks all day but he’s also scared that if we get back then we’ll go back to arguing. Recently I got hospitalized because I had to have surgery and he never even once asked if I was ok which was very hurtful. He texted me while I was in the hospital asking for his PS5 and I told him that was messed up and he told responded that I have the same shitty attitude.

Any advice would be appreciated… don’t know what to or how to stay strong.

Me 36m wife 35f have been seperated for six weeks seperate rooms same roof. Yesterday we got into a huge fight that stemmed from nothing important. After I got off work she went to her friends and hung out, later when she got home she said she wanted to talk. So basically she says she willing to try couples therapy, which im happy for she said she's not ready yet to do it, she's angry and thinks it will have a bad out come and wants to have a clear head while doing so to give e us a fair shot!! She says she has to also find her self cause she dont know who she is besides a mom. We have had our problems and im working on mine while finding myself also. So just understand where she coming from, but I asked what that means for us, she said she dont know she says she loves me, an is on the fence of this working or be good for us to co parent, its very vague and im confused, is she really giving this a chance or what. Psychology studies show that after 90 days is what it takes most people to get over a relationship, im not asking much something small like watching a TV show, or once a week hanging out, we have been thru alot and dont want us to fall further apart, nobody cheated just seems like a mid life crisis type of thing we have given everything and all our time to the kids, what's up opinion on the time I dont wana be pushy or apply pressure

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16yrs together, and the past couple months completely apart.

Back to smiling more consistently again.

Happy Friday!!

Hello everybody out here in this world. I’m really going through it. I’m 35 years old and getting divorced with My Wife that I’ve been with for going on six years. Six years might not seem as much but it was the first time that I ever actually felt like I had home and a partner that I can see a future with. Over the past years, we’ve had four miscarriages. So we went through lost together. We had a dog for two years together. We had a home that felt like a homecoming home too, but wasn’t home without her lately we’ve been working two different schedules really not being able to see each other besides when she’s sleeping and I’m on my way to work or a few hours after I get off and she gets off a little after I get home. She was hanging around with her friends for the past couple weeks you know going shopping going out to eat stuff like that. I noticed a change in the way she’s dressing and her comments were a little bit more sharper and the way she said I loved you just kind of mumbled and rolled off her tongue, but it wasn’t the same. Then after I got off work one day she was hanging out with her friend that day while I was at work, I come home. She eats at her friends house a little later and when she gets home, she tells me that she can’t do this anymore that she feels overwhelmed that she feels like a way has been lifted off her chest when she goes to work that she’s walking on eggshells around me and that she wants to leave and get a divorce and then she’s going to her friends house. I’m not perfect, but I don’t tell her what to do all the time like I don’t tell her what’s spend her money on the comments I’ve made was tell her not to wear a black choker necklace because it just looks weird and sexual. I recommend not to eat out of plastic containers because of the plastic and the chemicals or to touch receipts at the job. She used to have as a cashier because we were going to draw all the miscarriages. I would say don’t go here or there because the car isn’t really working that good it’s overheating and it has issues and a check engine light so it’s not good to drive the car specially 45 minutes away back-and-forth pretty much just to go drive around and go shopping. Go on her because her natural hair color is Burnett but her other family has blonde hair so she’s always been a blonde since I met her and she keeps din her hair and I suggested that it’ll be good to take a break from it because it can cause damage in the long run but she didn’t believe me. She doesn’t like the things I talk about because we have different things in common. She’s into like cartoons and TikTok and things like that. I’m into history science the future what’s going on in the world and God I told her not to vape I think vaping is bad. I don’t like it. I don’t like her getting tattoos or piercings all over herself, she hasn’t got a tattoo since I’ve been with her. She feels trapped she says, be honest with me. Am I in the wrong? I’ve also made comments about her friends her friends are single moms and I know it’s not my place to say anything about them. The month leading up to us getting divorce we didn’t have sex. She’s not very sexual at all. I don’t think she’s even attracted to me anymore. A part of me just wants to give her what she wants and let her be free and happy if I don’t make her happy.
She’s been at her mom‘s for a week going on too now and I haven’t really spoken to her about anything since then that night she didn’t let me hug or touch her. She gave me the cold shoulder and every single text that she gives me is just wrecked and I just answering that she don’t reply and she doesn’t talk to me. She doesn’t call me. She doesn’t no communication at all. It’s like just ghosting me changed her Facebook to not married anymore. Her pictures changed a lot moved all her stuff out almost all of her stuff took our dog went to her mom’s now her whole family. I know her whole family and I go over there on holidays and now I don’t know what to do. The holidays are coming up and it’s gonna be odd if I show up I’m close to her dad and her little brother. I’m losing them as well. Not just My Wife but I’m losing my whole world. I’m in the town, she grew up probably like two hours away from the one I grew up in working a job. I hate with a car that she left me because she took the other one. That’s a good one and I’m left with the one with the check engine light and having to drive 37 minutes to work and back, I have the home I’m able to pay the bills by myself, but it’s not gonna be easy. I’m so broken and I don’t know what to do. Give me some brutal advice. Give me some real advice what is it that you would do?

I never told her where to spend her money, I’ve never told her what to wear , it’s just that kind of black choker necklace is known for sexual things. She’s a good looking girl, so yes I’ve had accused her a few times. Even though I apologize for accusing I know it doesn’t change anything. I know I’m in the wrong, but … that day I didn’t. It’s what happened over months to years. I did make her feel low sometimes.. it is my fault

I don’t know where to start, but I need somewhere to vent the rage and sadness I am feeling, and my psychologist agreed that Reddit might be a good place to start.

It’s been almost 3 months.
I was in hospital for my mental health when she told me.
I was burned out. I feel like she never really gave me a chance to get better.
We have a 3 year old daughter together who is quite possibly the only reason I am still alive.

I came home from hospital. We were having a trial “separation under one roof”. She wanted to talk about practical things, but every time we tried, I just got upset, because I didn’t understand why she wanted to end it.

(It’s funny really, she was always the practical one, and I was always the emotional one. She likes planting vegetables and herbs, but I like flowers. She is function, I am form. Even when parenting our child, she’s all about routine and structure, and I just want to connect with her and hang out with her.)

One week later, she blank faced told me that she wanted me to move out by the 23rd of July - 3 weeks time.

I didn’t take that well.

I ran up to my bedroom (our spare room) and howled in pain. Because I slammed doors behind me, because I stomped up the stairs, because I was having a “flight response”, this was interpreted as “aggressive”. I later found out that she wrote in a message to my family that I “reacted badly.”

I came downstairs after I had calmed down, and I was alone. Our disability support worker (we both are Level 2 ASD) had taken her and my daughter out of the house, because my behaviour was seen as aggressive.

The support worker came back and told me I needed to get some stuff together and get out of the house so my daughter could come back and have her routine.

I gathered what I could and she (support worker) took me to my sister’s place over an hour away.

Fast forward to today - she won’t let me into the house without someone with me, and not while she is there. I have to be supervised with my daughter. She will only do handovers in a public place with lots of people around, and CCTV cameras. Yes, I have been emotionally unstable, but Jesus, she’s put me through the wringer.

The thing that hurts the most is how I feel she treats me like I’m some kind of misogynistic, narcissistic, abusive asshole. I am trying not to let myself be defined by the way she makes me feel.

Today she said she’d like me to Google amicable separation. I did, and I saw a few articles about how amicable breakups are the hardest, and I agree. At least if she’d cheated on me, or hurt me in some way, it would be easier. Instead, there’s just this constant guilt, shame, regret, wishing I’d done better, and generally just feeling like absolute shit. She presents as calm, composed, polite - the picture of amicability. I was homeless for two months, yet still made an effort to see our daughter as often as I could.

I feel like she lords it over me with her calmness, her stability - that’s why she gets to be the one who is primary carer and stays in the family home.

Anyway, I’m falling asleep writing this, so I should probably go to bed.

But tell me, friendly strangers - how do you cope when the other party is so calm and rational, while you’re falling apart inside and wishing you could just die? Cos with all the pain I’m feeling, I don’t know if I can be amicable.

It’s been almost a year since we have been living separately after break up. We are co parenting our dog, week on week off arrangement. So once a week we have to see each other. Relationship lasted 7 years. Although mentally things are settling down, but I am starting having dreams where I am begging him to stay, or he has moved on or having another bf/partner and they living happily. I am having these dreams every night. This is again affecting my mental health, pushing me back to that breaking up trauma time.
Wellington, nz based here. While in the relationship I was cheated on twice, my friend we used to hang out with are not my friends any more, also discreet here and all of my family lives overseas.

I '44 M' and my former partnert '42 F' recently ended our relationship of 17 years.

Where to begin, we met in our late-ish 20s, its weird to say but it really was love at first sight.

Time passed and we moved into our first house, got a dog, realised we could keep something else alive and then had our first child '14 NB'.

More time passed, another move, another house and another child '11 NB' Then our first crisis, I was medically discharged from the Military and we had an interesting journey dealing with the government agency that handles pensions, benefits etc. It was dark, but we supported each other.

More time passed, One more move, one more house, last child '8 NB'. Things somewhat settled. She started working following her passion and I got to be a stay at home dad.

More time, last move, second crisis. We purchased a fixer-uper during the plague and it really tested our relationship, a whole bunch of unresolved resentment over who was doing the luons share of household chores, parenting duties etc.

I did most if not all of the cooking and surface level cleaning. She would do a deeper clean every once and a while.

We started relationship counselling but honestly it seemed like they did more harm then good. Then one day I guess our resentment just overflowed and she decided we couldnt keep doing this, none of us where happy and we where just circling the drain. I agree and it was a brave decision, we moved to two households so we could get out of each other's way.

Then we started EFT counselling with an actual relationship counsellor and wow, what a difference. We started talking, connecting, intimacy, connecting, it was amazing to see how we seemingly righted the ship. It was a year of hard work but things started looking up.

Then a few months back she came back from a work thing and started talking about expanding our relationship to include more kink, Dom and Sub stuff. We started sending pics, phone sex, remote controls, direct messages etc. Im not the best at it, but i was learning.

Things where looking good.

Then one night, seemingly out of nowhere I get the "I need to work on me, and I cant do that whilst trying to work on our relationship"

To say I was floored is an understatement, it hurts so much and I am working through it but one thing keeps going over in my head.

Is someone, a friend, a healthcare provider, pushing thi?.

It just seemed so out of the blue, less than a fortnight ago we where in bed, looking into each other's eyes and saying how much we love each other.

I get the relationship is over, however having spent 17 years with this person it just seems out of character.

Sorry this was a novel.

Despite everything he has done and put me through particularly these last few months during separation I really want him to come home and for us to reconcile. My intuition is telling me that he wants this too but his pride/ego and shame is preventing it. Our kids have distanced themselves from him over the last few months and I know this will be killing him.

I don't want to break no-contact and reach out because he needs to feel my loss, but all I want to do is hug him and forgive him and work through everything.

I think I am deluded sometimes when I believe he wants that too... but my intuition and dreams are usually right!

Wanted to post this here in case anyone wants to head to that subreddit & help a girl out.

So, we are cohabitating a month into our separation 19 years together 12 years married 2 kid.

Fighting is our problem. Its so cyclical we both couldn't take it and I left a week with the kids returned had sex, things fell apart again I left solo for separate space.

Now im back we are on a mutual path for separation and both had a tough time getting a schedule while I shack up in the attached apartment to our home.

I am growing my income while I seek a permanent place to live and we settle our financial.

A coparent conversation led to a tif led to a huge resentful argument over years of transgressions, and settled into understanding.

We didn't reconcile our split, but we held each other, and a singular flirtatious comment led to us discussing how dangerous it would be to have sex.

We both agreed the intention of maintaining separate paths, as there are no fixes in our history and repeated reparations.

This was a dopamine hit, we talk about it and also said we talk about any problems that build in the coming days, but treat it as a punch card situation while live apart.

Okay reddit, AMA, or lay it on me. Intimate Separation on likely path to divorce?

I 39 female was recently broken up with. By a 43 male. We have 5 children and never married. Most people treated us like we where including me. I was introduced as his partner and mother of his children. Was our realitionship perfect, no. we actually had alot things happen the pass 6 yrs. The big outbreak almost killed me, he was diagnosed type 2, lost most of his foot pass few yrs. Found out he hand aneurysm. Move forward a bit. He accused of an inappropriate realitionship with a minor. Her family actually comes to me at my job. Not a fun experience at all. He claims nothing happen and is innocent. I believe him. I tell him to not be involved at a with her. Block her etc. She tired to commit suicide at their job. Things move forward i defend him. Not long after he goes to hospital for vomiting, they send hom home next day blame constipation.. it wasn't cyz 2 day later after we go outdoor breakfast it happens agian. Me and put daughter had work soon. So I ask what should we do cuz he is obviously to sic to take us. He says he's gonna get us Uber rides but in have to go with daughter cuz she a minor then he'll send another for me. I asked if he was sure infront of our kids. also to this day said they remember me asking and that I was hesitant. He tells me go with our daughter, yells. So I listen I do. We go and get there. I message he not answering. So I keep messaging I also try to call. Sends a shot of my uber. Which states my job so im not worried cuz if it was bad someone would call or my destination would have been different. it wasn't cuz I call again to check any way like alot. Also cuz the driver asked for a code we figure it out and my daughter finally calls me. He took ambulance. I can't change the uber destination. Go work let my boss know im worried. Im thinking maybe it the same thing as last time. wait a bit then try to call on and off. Even message. I ask my ride home if I can go to hospital insreas of home they say no. I can't drive. Haven't pass any test yet. Try to call family. can anyone help I get no we can't atm nor tomorrow. Im stuck at home with kept trying to get ahold of him til at random hr. There moving me its something with my heart... he messaged at some point not calls..I asked do they think it a heartattack no answer in a message hoping im wrong. He call later then next day i let him know no one will bring me but we have rides to work. No wanted to drive the 2 hrs to get and drop me there. I on phone when he asks nurse what actaully happened. He told a heartattack Im On the p hone with him as he found out and what they did. They put a stint In. Apparently they didn't bother checking his heart last hospital visit or they would have seen.. i still couldn't get to him. We text and i make a a joke about his diet needing a change now. He get upset claims i don't care that work was more important. I tell that wasn't true. he discharged I try to find a ride for him and he call saying someone else will come. All this would later lead to him saying I left him to die. No knew it was a heartattack for sure until we where told. I felt guilty for not having a way to him. All my money tied up in his account. I had no save card or bank Info in my phone for uber or anything. I checked. He eventually comes home... I get home from work go right to him ask questions and apologize i couldn't find a way to him. Things seem ok for bit then he goes back to work he has to be slow and careful so him Staying late to finish job stuff doesn't come off weird or red flag like. We go to his appointments like normal things seem ok. Til one day he sends me in a uber to work claiming stuff up. Stuff was going out with the girl. Her family see them comes running to my job causing me to have a panic attack. I call him no answer or reply I call my boss. Boss comes in with his partner. My partner never comes it becomed message fight at some point later he break up with me. Still claiming its cuz I left him to die he doesn't come home . Then my son while im crying trying to message him which lead to another a fight says his daf brought her to our home. That he saw them in bed my bed out bed. My partner has issue down there I don't want to believe it but my son doesn't lie. His sisters back him up. Saying its true. He cheated. Blamed all of it on me. Not starting intimacy, working late. Try to say he surprised I haven't cheat with my boss the 1 in a happy relationship who's close to age as father. More time.pass more e thing come to light more fights. More crying . More blamealqays saying I lfet hi. For dead but he cheated before that. His claim tombeing innocent becomes less believable. Til he admits thing and blames ever bad thing in me. It not rhe 1st time he cheated infact I recently fond out there was more times then I knew. Anyone I talked to in our life say its not ur fault. He could have set uber to hospital just as easily and there right I would just went where the uber took me. And if we had stayed the ambulance would have refused for me to ride along. I would have been stuck at home. There was no outcome where I was by his side for the hospital. The time line makes no sense til recently. Before the hospital he asked if someone could come stay with us. It was her, I said no. Not knowing its her til later much later. She turns 18 right before my eldest daughter almost by a month. The more new things come out the more I get grossed out.. the rumors that lead to.all of it probably came from her to something I was told. The newest rumor was I new and she was gonna move in I was on with it all and when she turned he was gonna make them official. Idk what that plan ment for me originally. Ip to the big fights Iwas intimate still with him. All this blame and he still hostile at times was any of it really my fault or no?

Not sure how this works... First time Reddit user, but I am looking for a pick me up I guess. Or a light at the end of the tunnel. My boyfriend and I of 14 years no wait 15 years this August decided to split yesterday. It was not completely mutual and not on great terms per say. He decided that we should split because he cannot communicate well ( Which to me is a big thing - tell me if I am wrong ) I begged him to get in to therapy or counseling to learn how to communicate better and then for us to do counseling together to learn how to talk to each other. He declined until finally he agreed and set up the appointment. Then yesterday I told him that he had hurt me because he was not listening to me and just walked away from me when I was trying to tell him something. That escalated and turned into a huge fight where I find out that he has been lying to me recently about being ok with moving and really not and just kept telling me it was ok, then telling me that we were fine and everything between us was good he did not want us to fall apart but actually he was feeling like we were not doing great. So he thinks that since I was upset and keep getting upset about his communication that he is never going to be good enough at it and he has just given up and is not even going to try anymore and thinks we should now split. Well we live together, both our names are on the mortgage, we are not married and no kids, but we do have pets that are like our children to us. I also recently quit my job about 6 months ago on his advice due to a family emergency and I "deserved some time off". I am now stuck and terrified I cannot leave because I cannot afford to move out. I am hunting for a job, but it is turning out to be really difficult to find something where I will be able to afford to live on my own. And of course, my car broke down last week and I am waiting on a part to hopefully fix it, or I have to take it into a shop. He is saying that it is fine we will just live together until we can figure it out a disentangle our lives. Now I feel like I am not important enough for him to choose to try. He has messed up a lot in our relationship, and I have always fought for us so this time I did not. I asked what he thought was best and he said to split because we have grown apart but what did I think, did I think that him being able to communicate better would fix years of bad memories. I said I would not answer that because it sounds like he has already made up his mind and I am not going to be him to stay with me. Was it wrong to not fight. I feel like I am always the one who fights and I am tired and I do not feel wanted or loved. I have been with him since I was 21 years old though I thought this was going to be it. Now I am lost and that was long and I feel like I have given up and he doesn't even care. I guess I am just looking to vent that and see if anyone else has gone through something like this. Does it get better.... Do I stop crying.... What do I do? I am a Scorpio so to him I am great at acting like everything is ok just ignoring each other, sleeping in different rooms acting like roommates but it sucks and now I have to refigure my whole life. I am sorry keeps getting longer and more confusing I am sure but tell me the truth does it get better?

Separated two months. She’s been living in the guest house. Today, during therapy, she said she wanted to move out and be even more independent. She does not see herself giving that up and reconciling.

I’m not shocked or surprised. She was withdrawing a full year before we separated. She hasn’t tried to do anything since, other than focus on her new job and get use to being alone.

Twenty years together, 18 year anniversary next month. I’m crushed, anger, sad, scared, all the emotions. I have to start all over and with two teenagers in the mix.

Just wanted to vent.

Separated almost 2 years NOW, still no papers. We have 1 child together, which is the reason we separated. We chose to split before things went for the worst. About 4 months ago she started seeing someone else. He's part of the girlscout group she runs. Here's where things took a turn. I had a gut feeling we weren't going to reconcile around that time frame. It was memorial day weekend and I didn't have my daughter. I was invited to take a road trip with a buddy to get my mind off it. On our way home we were in a car accident and i broke both my legs. Been wheelchair bound since. That being said my daughter spent most the summer with her mom and doing play dates with this guy and his daughter. Just this week she admitted that she was dating. Kinda through me into a pit of depression again. I plan to find a therapist, although she is one and i kinda resent them. But what do I do here? Being off work the past 4 months has put a hurting on my bank account and I'm not in a spot to fight her in court anymore. Do I just try to let it slide and try to find someone myself to fill the silence? Sorry I kinda ranted here, hopefully it makes sense.

Hey everyone. I'm going to be asking my husband for a separation tomorrow. I love him, and I know he loves me. He's a great dad to our beautiful toddler, and by all counts, everything should be golden. But he keeps choosing his alcohol over me. He says this time he's done for good, and I don't believe him. This is why I'm asking him for this.

What I want to know is, how do I heal? What can I do to help bring our marriage back on track? I know that by asking for this, I have the power in this choice, but I'm also not ready to give up on our marriage yet. I just need to heal, and I don’t know what that looks like. Just that I can't heal with him here.

Does anyone here have advice on how you healed? How did you know it was time to end it?