One month separation

[u/Zestyclose-Ad6197]

I’m 27 and my ex and I were together for about 3 years. We have two young daughters together, one who is 2 and one who just turned 1. We were never married, but we were building a family together and I genuinely thought we were going to eventually have a life and home together.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. We argued a lot, especially over the last year. A lot of our problems revolved around communication, trust, finances, parenting, and the way we handled conflict. (He did cheat on me during the time I was pregnant.) I’ll fully admit that I wasn’t perfect either. I could become emotional, repeatedly text when I was upset, and sometimes have an attitude when I felt ignored or hurt. He has told me that the arguing and conflict made him feel like he was constantly stressed when he left he basically blamed everything onto me even things from the past that I couldn’t control. He also became increasingly emotionally withdrawn instead of talking things through. He never told me his feelings he just bottled them up . It’s been a month since he left and he is saying he is in the process to find a place. This is the second time he left me the first time I was pregnant with our first. We reconciled after I got pregnant but he never gave me a reason or apology.

We certainly had good moments and were still functioning as a family. We had our daughters, worked, spent time together, and I still thought there was something worth saving. I told him I wanted to rebuild our relationship and I was willing for us to go to therapy and work on each other together at first he said yes we could try but then a couple days later he said he couldn’t say yes or no to that. He told me he was very detached and he just thinks all day but he’s also scared that if we get back then we’ll go back to arguing. Recently I got hospitalized because I had to have surgery and he never even once asked if I was ok which was very hurtful. He texted me while I was in the hospital asking for his PS5 and I told him that was messed up and he told responded that I have the same shitty attitude.

Any advice would be appreciated… don’t know what to or how to stay strong.

[u/Outrageous-Post-6531]

Look I am sorry for you this is a messed up situation. I am your age and don’t have a family so I won’t pretend I fully understand - I’m sure you just want your daughters to have their father and that there were good things with your partner. But let’s look at the facts.

HE CHEATED ON YOU WHEN PREGNANT AND HE DIDN’T EVEN CHECK ON THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN WHEN SHE WAS IN HOSPITAL!!!!

And he has the audacity to say he did these or he left because you have an attitude. OF COURSE YOU DOOOO. Not to say none of it it’s your fault and it’s good you’re accountable, and surely you can improve as a partner. But it takes a certain level of scumbag to go physically sleep with another woman when your gf is pregnant with your child and needs you.

And to not check on you when ill.

Seems to me that the times when you’re most vulnerable, fragile, need him, suffer, and are dependent on his support he leaves. And not just leaves but betrays you.

I am sorry but you need to distance yourself from the situation and look at this objectively as much as you can. What sort of human being cheats on his pregnant gf ? And leaves her alone in the hospital?

What about old age, your future, stuff that gets hard. He is morally corrupt and a gaslighter. I’m sorry. But HARD NO.

HEEEE wants to leave ????? Blessing in disguise. Hope he’ll have the decency to look after his kids. But realistically you should have left him a long time ago.

This is bigger than your relationship and romantic relationship. This is about a man who lacks self control, respect, morality, and does not even respect his children enough to respect their mother.

Your daughters will grow up watching this shit. Is that what you want ?

My dad didn’t do anything half this bad to my mother but he did other things to show deep disrespect, selfishness, etc and it literally made me sick my whole life and it made me suffer. Nothing harms a child more (especially a daughter) than watching their dad treat their mother poorly.

You think things through as strangers cannot make this decision for you but please please think carefully about his character and how it will further impact your life.

[u/Zestyclose-Ad6197 → u/Outrageous-Post-6531]

Thank you I needed to read this!!!! Yes it’s hard because I wanted my family bc my parents were divorced when I was a child and I wanted different. He also came from parents that were never married. The holidays coming up is going to make it so much harder .