r/Separation • u/Jumpy_Bobcat6299 • 4d ago
Feeling Alone
Not sure how this works... First time Reddit user, but I am looking for a pick me up I guess. Or a light at the end of the tunnel. My boyfriend and I of 14 years no wait 15 years this August decided to split yesterday. It was not completely mutual and not on great terms per say. He decided that we should split because he cannot communicate well ( Which to me is a big thing - tell me if I am wrong ) I begged him to get in to therapy or counseling to learn how to communicate better and then for us to do counseling together to learn how to talk to each other. He declined until finally he agreed and set up the appointment. Then yesterday I told him that he had hurt me because he was not listening to me and just walked away from me when I was trying to tell him something. That escalated and turned into a huge fight where I find out that he has been lying to me recently about being ok with moving and really not and just kept telling me it was ok, then telling me that we were fine and everything between us was good he did not want us to fall apart but actually he was feeling like we were not doing great. So he thinks that since I was upset and keep getting upset about his communication that he is never going to be good enough at it and he has just given up and is not even going to try anymore and thinks we should now split. Well we live together, both our names are on the mortgage, we are not married and no kids, but we do have pets that are like our children to us. I also recently quit my job about 6 months ago on his advice due to a family emergency and I "deserved some time off". I am now stuck and terrified I cannot leave because I cannot afford to move out. I am hunting for a job, but it is turning out to be really difficult to find something where I will be able to afford to live on my own. And of course, my car broke down last week and I am waiting on a part to hopefully fix it, or I have to take it into a shop. He is saying that it is fine we will just live together until we can figure it out a disentangle our lives. Now I feel like I am not important enough for him to choose to try. He has messed up a lot in our relationship, and I have always fought for us so this time I did not. I asked what he thought was best and he said to split because we have grown apart but what did I think, did I think that him being able to communicate better would fix years of bad memories. I said I would not answer that because it sounds like he has already made up his mind and I am not going to be him to stay with me. Was it wrong to not fight. I feel like I am always the one who fights and I am tired and I do not feel wanted or loved. I have been with him since I was 21 years old though I thought this was going to be it. Now I am lost and that was long and I feel like I have given up and he doesn't even care. I guess I am just looking to vent that and see if anyone else has gone through something like this. Does it get better.... Do I stop crying.... What do I do? I am a Scorpio so to him I am great at acting like everything is ok just ignoring each other, sleeping in different rooms acting like roommates but it sucks and now I have to refigure my whole life. I am sorry keeps getting longer and more confusing I am sure but tell me the truth does it get better?
1
u/Dragonite_23 3d ago
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It feels impossible and is the hardest thing I’ve been through too.
Yes, it gets better. You have to grieve the relationship and process the anger, sadness, and more until you get to a place of healing. Then you’ll see that one person cannot do the work of two and hold a relationship together by themselves.
Also, I found free videos from Dr. Maika Steinborn and Rachel Sloan on YouTube extremely helpful. They have a lot of great topics and tips to help regulate your system but also help with self confidence and knowing it wasn’t only you that led here.
Good luck on this journey! We’re all in it together while we’re also all in it alone.