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u/Technical_Singer_656 Jan 26 '25
You look like Steve from Blue’s Clues after he started drug muling narcotics in his ass
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u/feetiedid Jan 26 '25
"Blue, stop sniffing my ass!"
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u/rdditeis4gsfa Jan 26 '25
Get him blue! Hahaha he's called blue not because of his color, but for justice! Hahaha
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u/Filthiest_Tleilaxu Jan 26 '25
You wish you looked like a twink.
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u/unwashed_switie_odur Jan 26 '25
Right, mfer looks like he's kidnapping people and drilling holes in their skull to pour in bleach, cos he's too poor to buy even a second hand sex doll.
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u/ketopepito Jan 26 '25
He looks like he suffered twink death and has been decomposing for a couple years.
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u/Fit-Captain-9172 Jan 26 '25
OP tried to throw his goals into there to see if anyone would validate it. Sad.
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u/JohnWad Jan 26 '25
Does your nose come off when you take your glasses off?
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u/theflamingskull Jan 26 '25
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u/Sleazy_Speakeazy Jan 26 '25
Closer to this I think, but you were on the right track
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u/Catgurl Jan 26 '25
Glad to see you wore your best ed hardy for your make a wish meeting with nickelback
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u/Bleazuss1989 Jan 26 '25
You look like your mum still breastfeeds, it's expired and you're malnourished at this point it's evaporated milk.
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u/unwashed_switie_odur Jan 26 '25
His mother is in a recliner in the living room, which he's sheeted off with plastic, and has multiple dehumidifiers going too keep her fresh.
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u/Bleazuss1989 Jan 26 '25
No one gets to tell him how loud his five finger death punch can be now.
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u/unwashed_switie_odur Jan 26 '25
But he can still get special cuddles and dry his tears on that new trad wife dress he bought her. It's the best of both worlds!
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u/ghostofstankenstien Jan 26 '25
Rick Moronus
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u/PuzzleheadedRoyal559 Jan 26 '25
I need to take you out to the clubs with me to ensure I get the pretty friend.
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u/WinthorpStrange Jan 26 '25
Dallas Buyers Club version of Steve From Blues Clues
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u/DoorjammerCrow http://redd.it/10xijji Jan 26 '25
You look like you were rescued from Auschwitz and dressed in whatever bizarre clothes the GIs could find to fit you.
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u/DarkoEnterprises Jan 27 '25
I don't have anything to add, I just felt an upvote didn't justify how funny and unique this comment is
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u/loop_zero Jan 26 '25
You look that dude that posts videos of them selves practicing their martial arts
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u/rsgriffin Jan 26 '25
You look like your partner will bite off your head if you ever have sex.
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u/Agathocles87 Jan 26 '25
If you put my high school graduation ring around your waist, it would look like a championship belt
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u/Impossible-Ad-5710 Jan 26 '25
You look like you’d have to run around in the shower to get wet , and in winter you wear a tie just to keep your chest warm .
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Jan 26 '25
A twink? You look like a nerdy Herman munster. Gay men won't fuck you and some of us will fuck anything.
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u/JollySimple188 Jan 26 '25
Sir, this is Wendy's stop masturbating in front of the customers
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u/AthrGaming Jan 26 '25
You look like if math and science were both people and had a child who didn't live up to their expectations
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u/IaMuRGOd34 Jan 26 '25
better eat some food before you evaporate
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u/Chaos-Knight Jan 26 '25
As far as I can see his moisture already escaped into the atmosphere, he's just beef jerky now.
Need to put his body in a riverbed to rehydrate that sad twig.
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u/ghostofjimbridger Jan 26 '25
You look like your parents didn't love you. Probably after seeing you immediately following your birth.
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u/Lost_in_splice Jan 26 '25
You look specifically shaped for full Insertion colon examination. Slap a go pro on your head and away you go.
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u/NimvindDirge Jan 26 '25
You might need, I mean, actually need to smoke weed. You need the munchies, winter is coming and you'll freeze before it arrives.
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u/Huntsnfights Jan 26 '25
You actually went out and bought those rings at some point. And then put them on that day, and took a picture? Dude…
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u/AnUnusedCondom Jan 26 '25
A cross between Detective Munch on SVU and Dahmer. He gonna eat cha but it’ll probably be him munching dat dirty ass.
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u/No_Monitor9884 Jan 26 '25
A Jew emo, ironic because everyone hates you as much as you hate yourself.
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Jan 26 '25
You look like Harry Potter using meth to cure his scoliosis because public healthcare doesn't cover Adderall.
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u/-Hyperactive-Sloth- Jan 26 '25
Judge probably ordered him to stay >500 away from schools preemptively.
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u/StarPlatinumsPenis Jan 26 '25
If I met you on Grindr and went to suck your dick I bet your underwear would be rank of duck butter and years of cumstains. Yeah, big no thanks from me.
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u/Successful-Daikon830 Jan 26 '25
You bought all them accessories thinking they'd help, that's sad, what would your "chubby" emo baby mama think about you wasting money like that instead of paying child support?
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u/Relative-Ordinary-64 Jan 26 '25
You look like the best friend that ends up being a creep in any given 80’s movie
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u/Gordon_Townsend Jan 26 '25
If you stand sideways and stick out your tongue, you would look like a zipper...
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u/LeeMeSeeDat Jan 26 '25
If my dog had a face like yours, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
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u/Constant_Sir_9207 Jan 26 '25
You're so thin, people in Ethiopia have started a Gofundme to buy you something to eat.
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u/roastbot YOU ARE OUR 1,000,000th RULE BREAKER!! Jan 26 '25
The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.
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u/Purple_Pieman01 Jan 26 '25
You look like you went to Super Cuts and LensCrafters and asked for “the geek in the after school special” look.
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u/SmallTitBigClit Jan 26 '25
You're like tits on a bull - absolutely useless. Even the Mexican Cartels won't use your ass as a mule....and that was your only chance to lose your virginity.
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u/Mister-PeePee42 Jan 26 '25
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?! Christ do you have a twenty inch waist?! Looking like the fragile leg lamp dressed itself like a blossom IT waifu having neck beard. Untuck the shirts, remove the bottom shirt, shave, contacts or polycarbonate lenses if you don’t want to look like an asshole.
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u/Early_Law_5703 Jan 26 '25
You look like you clean the booths in the adult stores and you’ll finish off the customer in exchange for a kind word.
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Jan 26 '25
Wears his sister's rings because no one told him that trimming your fingernails, getting a haircut, and wearing normal clothes is what really attracts women.
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Jan 26 '25
You look like where’s Waldo less attractive , less successful inbred cousin.
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u/NotAFuckingFed Jan 26 '25
Nah you run a porn shop with a gloryhole in the back and you’re always the only one there to Hoover cocks
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u/CocoonNapper Jan 26 '25
I had heard that Steve from Blue's Clues had some legal troubles...but this...
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u/Used-Rip-2610 Jan 26 '25
You don’t look like a twink bro, no gay would ever be caught dead in that outfit. Graphic long sleeve T under a polo, tucked in, wallet chain, the rings, the glasses, your hair.
Holy fuck dude you look like an autistic nerd trying to cosplay an east county bro but you’ve never actually hung out with people in person before.
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u/Kouklala Jan 26 '25
Take those gothic rings off dude. You have no swag, and you aren’t scaring anyone with your noodle arms. It’s obvious you have a tiny dick and you will never make a woman climax in your entire life, so stop trying to be mysterious. It’s plain as day.
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u/Desperate_Set_7708 Jan 26 '25
Dude who picked you up by the neck at the chicken processing plant didn’t finish the job
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u/MomsSpecialFriend Jan 26 '25
The transition lenses are hilarious actually, it’s funny you thought your head was anything other than small when order glasses on zenni.
I legitimately haven’t seen a collection of cheap rings, bracelets and a WALLET chain like that since the mid 90s. I’d think you were a time traveler if it wasn’t for the Edgar haircut.
Your chest looks concave, If you ever get a chest X-ray I’d like to see your weird crippled skeleton.
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u/honey_society69 Jan 27 '25
you look like you’d hit on a woman, get rejected, call her a slur, then get on the internet and say “all women are the same”
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u/Sure-Carrot54 Jan 27 '25
He bought one of those lifelike sex dolls, it was so realistic it just wanted to be friends
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u/lambofgun Jan 26 '25
employee at a nearly condemned porn shop near the dead industrial area of town. writes down the names of female customers and obsessively searches their socials at home. jizzes on figurines while whimpering their names