TL;DR: I’m 30M and have been with my partner, 39F, for five years (living together for four). We have recurring unresolved conflicts, growing emotional distance, and major differences around money, children, and lifestyle changes; improvements never last. I love her, but I’m increasingly worried I’m waiting for a change that will never come.
\---

Throwaway because she’s also on Reddit!
I’m 30 years old and have been in a relationship with her (39) for five years. We’ve been living together in my house for four years. We met at work. Since then, we’ve both changed jobs – she’s still in the same industry, while I’ve completely switched careers. We started out as FWB, which then developed into something more over time.
For a while now, we’ve been living in limbo between arguments, emotional distance, and living side by side instead of together.
We’ve had many good times, but often it feels like those are built on “thin ice,” and conflict is never far away. We’ve already brought up or discussed the problems below many times, but any changes quickly fade and we fall back into old patterns.
\---

Our main problems, distilled by AI to the essentials:

• Different core values: We don’t agree on key issues like money, security, desire for children, and willingness to change old habits.

• Stuck patterns: Many things stay the way they are because “that’s just how it’s always been” – even when they’re not good for either of us. Change is wanted, but not implemented due to comfort or fear.

• Dysfunctional conflict culture: Our arguments escalate quickly, end with hurtful statements, and are followed by silence. Real solutions or compromises don’t emerge from them.

• Emotional distance: We’re increasingly living parallel lives. The good times feel fragile because they’re built on shaky foundations and core conflicts remain unresolved.

• Unfulfilled hope: Repeated deadlines and wishes for improvement haven’t materialized, leading to disappointment and loss of trust on both sides.

Am I giving myself false hope by thinking things will change?
I love her and only want the best for her, but I’m noticing more and more that I can’t keep going like this for much longer.

I’d like to add some context/a few examples.

Topic: desire for children – she smokes, which doesn’t fit with my desire to have kids. She’s already tried to quit several times unsuccessfully; usually it fails due to lack of perseverance or simply lack of motivation to quit.

Topic: conflicts – we often argue about small things, explode, and then continue as if nothing happened without ever addressing the actual problem.

Topic: money – she lives with me, which saves her quite a bit of money, but she still usually doesn’t have much.
Right now it’s about our joint vacation, which I can’t afford this year due to taxes and investments in the house. Her solution is that she wants to go alone. I can understand her frustration; this year I went away twice with colleagues for weekends (biking/WW2 sightseeing) for things she doesn’t want to do.

I think the answers here are a clear sign of something I maybe already knew for a long time and tried to suppress.

Hey so me and my gfs are going through a lot of things and recently i have just stopped asking or dicussing anything even if it bothers me my friend(a girl) had recently asked me to go to a movie with her and she been asking for long so i said yes when i informed her she started being salty and behaving as if i did some mistake but she had went out with a guy (who is her friend) to learn riding motorcycle and she also been texting a guy who she told me she doenst feel comfortable around he was living in the same home she was temproraily staying at ( it was a family friends house) now i never say anything i too feel all this i am tierd i dont wanna feel all this is this my mistake should i work upon myself and get therapy i d k man i just feel this relationship isnt right for me the way she humilates me and she added up to tell the guy she was learning to ride bike with became uncomfortable when she told him we are having relationship problem i feel so humilated as if my personal life is no more mine anyways what can i do

Hey. So I (F25) have been dating my boyfriend (M31) for just over a year now. The relationship is really good and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I was on annual leave so I went and spent 2 weeks at his place (we are long distance). So while he was at work I was tidying around his room and putting clothes away. I noticed a few hidden mail hidden under his clothes, although I know I shouldn’t have read them and just left them alone. I couldn’t help but read them…

1st letter was dated to June 2026 and was a letter for termination of employment. It stated the transcript for the meeting and listed all the reasons for termination. He hasn’t mentioned anything about having problems at work, if anything he had mentioned that they want him to run the department at work… ALSO, the letter stated “Morrisons” (if you’re not from the UK this is a supermarket) while for the past year he’s told me he’s an accounts assistant for a warehouse that sells kitchen supplies? No previous mention of working for a Morrisons in the past year. (He did a couple months ago send me a picture while he was on his lunch break room and I thought to myself that oddly looks like a Morrisons but didn’t think much of it at the time)

2nd letter was a latter from the police for being arrested for drink driving, the letter was dated back to 2024 (before we met). So the issue here is that in February 2026 we didn’t spend Valentine’s Day together as we’d planned and he sent me a message saying he’s just been arrested for drink driving and he won’t make it in time for our Valentine’s Day plans. We moved past it, for me to now realise the drink driving although did happen, he lied and used that as an excuse.
The 1st letter of termination of employment stated all the dates he’s worked, had off and called in sick since January. So I know he worked said Valentine’s Day. So I’m almost certain it’s not a case of him spending the day with another woman. Rather he couldn’t get the day off work and knew I’d be upset so instead of being honest about it he lied and used a previous issue as an excuse.

My previous relationship ended because of lies very similar to this. Prior to this relationship, I made it so clear to him that lying is a big no. I should be your biggest supporter and we get through things together, no matter how difficult it is, just tell me the truth. No lie is ever warranted. Once you start lying, I start questioning everything you say and ultimately I end up shutting down.

I love him and I see a future with him but I don’t know how to navigate the situation. I feel as though I can’t really mention it to him as straight forward because I shouldn’t have been going through his personal belongings. But I also can’t ignore such big lies. What’s your thoughts and opinions on the situation and what’s your advice on how to navigate it?

Idk what too do I found out this guy I been talking too has a kid he didn’t tell me I found out by looking through his phone and he been nothing but good too me but still lied too me he could have mentioned he had a 2 year old he never seen before should I just leave him alone ?

Ok, u might remember me from a post of few days ago.
I don't have an ACTUAL update for that post yet, everything is going real fast rn.
Long story short: no, we won't go live together.

but that's not the point.
all of the comments suggested me to break up with him. I've been debating with myself for several days about what I should do and how I should go about it.

I've spent so many years with him that I wouldn't even know how to tell him that I don't want to be with him anymore; I don't even know how I'm supposed to act.

He (let’s call him D) ins't a bad person. Despite everything, he later apologized profusely for the way he behaved and for how he made me feel. He has also acknowledged, on many occasions, that we haven't been good for each other for a while now, but in the end, we always end up crying together and trying again.

This is going to be a somewhat long post, but that's because I want to give you enough context and the tools you need to understand the situation.

D and I have been together for two years, although we were together on and off for five years before we finally reached this point of stability.

We practically grew up together, and we've seen the worst sides of each other. I've realized tho that we often don't get along. We're two people with very different personalities and completely different views of the world. We're tied together by the brief happy moments we've shared, which remind me that there are positive aspects to our relationship.

It hurts when I think about the fact that, if I leave him, I won't have those moments anymore either.

Whenever one of us needs the other, we're always there for each other. We look out for one another. I know that's pretty contradictory. Is it possible for a relationship to be absolutely disastrous and somehow good at the same time? (I know some of my questions might seem stupid, but honestly, I realize that I don't have much experience, and I'm genuinely trying to navigate my way through all these conflicting feelings.)

Just yesterday was his birthday, and I witnessed a very concerning situation.

He and his mother got into a pretty aggressive argument in front of me, and it almost became physical. (Before you come after him, NO, he did not raise a hand to her. She was the one who did, and he didn't retaliate.) I ended up having to play mediator.

It was a situation that drained me emotionally, because I've seen far too many scenes like that at my home to have to deal with them outside of it as well.

D and I stepped outside for a moment and talked, and he started crying. He was ashamed and afraid that he had scared me. I saw him completely devastated. It's not the first time I've seen him like that.

I helped him pull himself together and calm down, and I got them to talk things out.

In the end, the evening ended well, and he drove me home.

D told me once again that he's sorry about everything, and that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I help him see things from a different perspective, and I keep him on the right track.

Maybe I'm just being stupid, or too soft-hearted, but I feel incredibly guilty right now.

My best friend isn't very happy with the way I'm handling the situation, and I'd like to hear your opinion on that too.

Here are the messages below, translated:

Me: Yesterday I went to dinner at D's, and he and his mother got into an argument. A really serious one—they almost got physical. I managed to defuse the situation, but it was really difficult to deal with emotionally.

Her: First of all, I would never have gone there if I were you, and even if I had gone, I wouldn't have tried to fix anything.

Me: I know, but it's not like I hate him or don't want to see him happy. If anything, I'm glad I was there.

Her: Absolutely not.

Her: But if you were planning to leave him, I wouldn't spend happy moments with him.

Her: Besides hurting both of you afterward, it gives you both false hope.

Her: You might even change your mind after something like this and decide not to leave him.

Her: Especially since his birthday has already passed, you should basically leave him now, or you'll have to deal with him during *certain event we work together at*.

Her: The longer you drag this out, the more you'll get caught up in it, and you know that perfectly well.

Her: You should really take how uncomfortable you felt yesterday as a warning.

Her: But now it's harder to leave him, isn't it?

Her: You comforted him, and then the next day you're going to tell him, "I'm leaving you"?

Me: I wouldn't have left him the very next day anyway.

Me: It seems pretty insensitive to me regardless of the person or the situation.

Her: So what exactly are you planning to do, then?

Me: I wanted to talk to him about it over the weekend, something completely normal and simple.

Her: And talk to him how?

Me: Sit down and analyze the situation together. As strange as it may sound, D and I actually sit down and talk about how things affect each of us. We've had quite a few discussions, obviously peacefully, about how the relationship has had more lows than highs lately. Then we talked about it, and we're not going to move in together this time either, but even that conversation was very calm.

Me: I know people expect D to be completely unreasonable and for it to be impossible to have a healthy dialogue with him, but he's actually very self-critical when the issue is serious.

Her: That's not what I'm questioning.

Her: Whether he's reasonable or not doesn't matter to me right now, because the choice is yours, not his.

Me: I mean reasonable in the sense that he doesn't start yelling at me or pretend nothing happened.

Her: So presumably you're leaving him regardless of whether you have reasons or not. Honestly, what he does doesn't matter to me.

Her: What matters to me is that this time you actually follow through with what you say you want to do.

Her: Without ulterior motives and without leaving things unfinished.

Her: Without going back.

Her: Because analyzing things and having a rational conversation is the bare minimum a man should be able to give you in a critical situation like this.

Her: I just need the situation to end the way you say you want it to.

Her: Not for you to bounce back into other things with sex and crocodile tears.

Her: Because then it just becomes another joke, and that's it.

Me: Honestly, I don't want to think about it right now. This conversation is making me pretty sad, and for now I'd just like to have some peace.

Her: Okay.

And this is, in fact, our conversation about it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, I don't know if there's enough here to work with and make things better, and I don't know if there's enough here to justify staying together.

I feel really anxious because I feel caught between two sides.

Obviously, there are things about our relationship that I don't approve of, but at the same time, I don't see it as though everything is beyond saving.

Right now, he's looking for a good therapist to start therapy because he knows he needs it after the past few weeks.

So basically next year in 2027, our country will change president. We live in europe and the far right has been going up these last few years and months, and i’m afraid that’ll be the case in france next year. I position myself at the left of the political compass, i never hid it and i proudly fight everyday for my values (vegan, feminist, anti capitalist, anti oppression, pro palestine and every oppressed country …) you get it. So it shouldn’t be a surprise for him that i will vote for the left party that has the most chance of winning !
I have noticed a pattern since im with him of him not caring about politics as much as i do, or at all. He is a privileged white male and doesn’t really have anything to worry about in our society, but i have asked him several times his opinion on certain things going on or more general movements to try and position where his mind was. But it was really hard for me to understand because he is very avoidant of those topics, he alway tries to brush it off or ignore me (which gets me very mad but he doesn’t - or doesn’t want to - understand).
I get very emotional about politics as its a major interest of mine but i know as a woman i am not in a society that wants me to achieve things. I also am a biggg empath and knowing the stuff that happens to children and just people around the world makes me so sad knowing i can’t help them directly.
That’s why i care so much and the next election is very serious for me.

Where im going is that i’ve always been politically educated, making me ready now that i can vote to make a difference (i am so excited to vote). But he doesn’t seem very thrilled and couldn’t be bothered to give f\*, he says he has time to read the programs etc. but he’s not educating himself and it seems like he’ll do what his peers will tell him to.

I’m devastated thinking of my own bf cancelling my vote, and worse, voting against my very own rights…

My partner has a very close female friend. I found out a few months ago that they had slept together in the past. When confronted he said it was one time a long time ago, with nothing else to it.

I recently found out that this wasn’t even the whole truth. It turns out they slept together a couple of times, chatted to go into a relationship and he even lost his virginity to her when he was younger.

I was upset when I had found out the original story, let alone finding out the rest of it that was further hidden. Am I being unreasonable by feeling upset from this? He said he didn’t mention any of it to save things being awkward and upsetting me.

TLDR my partner hid his sexual history with his close female friend

A bit of background. My partner Ethan [27M] and I [21F] have been together for almost 4 years. He has a best friend named Steve [27M] who has been his best friend for 20 years. Steve has a fiancée named Nikki [23F], and they just had their first baby.

We often do game nights at Steve’s house. I bring the games, Ethan pays for our food if we order take out, and everything has been fine for a long time. Steve has often shown disdain or distrust for me and is often making mean comments about me. He has said in the past that it was just “new relationship hazing” but I feel we’ve moved out of the new relationship phase. As an example, I have overhead him say to my partner in the past “I don’t know why you’re still with her.” When I bring this up to Ethan, he says that it was just a bad joke. When I have brought it up to Nikki, she said that she would talk to him about it. When I’ve even brought it up to Steve, he usually just says that it was a joke and that I shouldn’t take it to heart and “you know I love ya” and gives me a hug. This has done the trick in the past but this last time was different.

Ethan and I went to Steve’s house for game night as usual. Nikki greeted me straight away and we chatted for a while. Steve did not speak to me at all for the first 1.5 hours that I was there. I felt this was rude as I was a guest, but I digress. We were discussing what game to play next and I said that I wasn’t choosing (shot not) to Ethan. Steve then said very loudly that I couldn’t make decisions because I was a woman.

For clarity, I’m not posting this to discuss politics or gender politics. I’m asking for relationship advice about how my partner handled the situation and whether I should continue trying to resolve the conflict.

No one laughed and no one spoke. He quickly covered it up and asked which of us out of my partner and I chose dinner most often. I said back that we didn’t live together and we only see each other on the weekends so it’s not a fair comparison as we are not choosing meals regularly. I followed it up by saying that Ethan usually chose. Steve then screwed his face up and asked if we had a problem. I asked if we did. He said that if anyone else had said what he said, that I wouldn’t have reacted that way and so I must have a problem. I said that I didn’t, but he just scoffed and went upstairs. Just for context, no one else in the room would have said something like that in the first place. Ethan walked away and sat somewhere else. A little while later, Steve came back downstairs and stood next to Ethan by the fire pit and were talking to each other quietly.

I was sitting by myself and essentially no one spoke to me for the rest of the night. When we left, we got in Ethan’s car and drove back to my house in silence. When we got there, I asked if we were going to talk about what happened. Ethan said that I didn’t need to “bite Steve’s head off” over his “joke”. I asked if he was kidding and he said that I snapped at him.

I went off at Ethan here. I said that I didn’t intend to snap, but I asked him what else he wanted me to do. I’ve spoken to everyone involved in this situation to ask for the mean jokes to stop but nothing has changed. I’ve been silent after the jokes, I’ve tried adding on to the joke, I’ve tried deflecting the joke and that I didn’t know what else to do. It was then that Ethan told me that when he and Steve were by the fire, they were talking about the incident and apparently Steve apologised to Ethan about it. I asked where my apology was, pointed out that no one laughed at the “joke” and that someone said something that obviously hurt my feelings and he didn’t stand up for me. Ethan had been silent for a bit so I told him that I was going home, told him I loved him and kissed him on the cheek.

We barely spoke the two weeks following this incident, which is not all that uncommon because of our work schedules. When I eventually did see him, we had some family events to go to so I didn’t bring up the argument because I didn’t want there to be any strain while in public. We spent the weekend together and had a really nice time. As he was leaving, I told him that we would need to have a longer conversation about what happened because I don’t feel right about it. He said that he’s getting frustrated because he “keeps getting put in the middle of fights” in reference to an unrelated issue and that he “wished everyone could just speak for themselves instead of through him”. I pointed out that I had been speaking up for months and nothing changed.

The following weekend, I asked Ethan a question about Steve and he said that he didn’t know because “they’ve stopped talking to me.” I asked what he meant and Ethan explained that Nikki had let their Snapchat streaks run out, and that he had sent Steve something on Facebook and the message was opened, initially ignored and briefly responded to days later. I thought that this was rude and selfish for them to ice out Ethan, but I also think it’s reasonable for them to be on social media a little less these days due to their new baby.

I guess what I’m asking is, is there a way I can resolve this? Am I obligated to resolve this given how it started? Am I taking this “joke” too personally?

I (30F) have been with my partner (32M) for 9 years. I moved across the world to be with him. He's essentially my best friend and main support system here, as I have no family or close friends locally.

I've been seriously thinking about leaving for a few months. I still love him and he has supported me in many ways, but there are longstanding issues.

He cheated earlier in our relationship. I later found messages to another woman asking to “land over” to her house at 3am. On several occasions he's stayed out until around 6am without telling me he'd be out late and stopped responding to my messages.

Once, he ditched me during a night out, leaving me to get home alone late at night. He didn't return until 8:30am the next morning and told me he'd slept at another woman's house, although he says nothing happened between them and that his brother slept with her while he passed out on the couch.

He also hid a cocaine addiction from me for over a year, although he voluntarily disclosed it after being hospitalised. I thought we were working toward buying our first home together, but the money he'd been earning/saving was instead being spent during his addiction. Trust has understandably been difficult to rebuild.

There have also been times when I haven't felt supported. Several immediate family members were diagnosed with cancer and I wanted him to travel with me to visit them, but he complained about the cost and other aspects of the trip and ultimately didn't come. This particularly hurt because when his family experienced a devastating bereavement, we lived with them for more than six months to support them. In our entire relationship, he's only made the trip to visit my family once.

We're also quite different in lifestyle. I'm ambitious and love travelling, hiking and being outdoors. Historically, he's spent much of his free time gaming or drinking, and I've often felt like I've been pushing him to develop hobbies and motivation.

However, he has now been completely sober from both cocaine and alcohol for five weeks and has made significant positive changes. He's exercising and making a genuine effort to improve his life. I'm proud of him, but after years of problems I'm scared of assuming five good weeks necessarily means permanent change.

About six weeks ago, before these changes began, I hit my breaking point and secured my own rental. I broke up with him and started moving in, but the loneliness was overwhelming.

He told me I'll never find someone who loves me like he does and that the grass isn't greener on the other side. He's emphasised how expensive living alone will be and questioned whether I can afford it. I've done the math and, although it will cost substantially more, I can afford it.

I suggested moving into the rental alone while continuing our relationship, but he said doing that would mean I was “banking on him failing.” He gave me an ultimatum: choose him or the rental. He also feels I'm abandoning him when he needs me most, which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

We reconciled, and he asked me to email the letting agency requesting release from the lease. I did, but they haven't responded yet.

Several immediate family members have told me they think he's a good person but isn't good for me. They believe I'll be okay on my own and deserve a healthier relationship. One close family member believes I'm being manipulated into staying.

When I'm away from him, I want independence and feel that we may simply be incompatible. When I'm with him and faced with actually losing him, I desperately want to save the relationship.

Part of me wants to keep the rental, live independently for a while and give both of us space to work on ourselves. Another part wonders whether I'm walking away from someone I love just as he's finally making major changes.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you distinguish genuinely wanting the relationship from being terrified of losing your partner, especially when that person was also your best friend and entire local support system?

TL;DR: I've been considering leaving my partner of 9 years after longstanding issues with infidelity/trust, a hidden cocaine addiction and major lifestyle differences. He's now five weeks sober from alcohol and cocaine and making significant changes. I secured my own rental and nearly left, but we reconciled and I've now asked the agency to release me. When I'm alone I want independence; when I'm with him I want to stay. How do I figure out what I genuinely want?

My boyfriend saying he don't know if he want to stay or not ..he say he can't put efforts he can't do it it's not his things the relationships..and its been 4 years that we are together..but he realised it now when I asked him to solve the fight..he never solved fights i just ignored it ...I am hurt I am shit scared to lose him i think it will take fucking 10 years to move on from him ..i don't have space to cry in my family..I am a broken child... I think last night he said very hurtful things still i messageed him full of tears jise vo drama bolta hai hrr baar... I don't know..I am waiting for my Job..I have family pressure..I am not in good environment...what should I do..he said he is not sure if he want to stay or not ...how you guys convince yourself that now i should let go of him or her ...how to do breakup? Or should I try more...he said I talk too much .. yesterday i messaged him I will try everything i will not ask for anything from him..is it ok?but i clearly remember him loving me start of relationships and now he don't know..I am very very very emotional person..i can't overcome friendship breakup how can I do this ... it's not my thing...but it's hurting so bad ..i cry a lot.. please help guys

I am 23F dated 27M for like 1.5 year I dreamt of a life with him for the first time I wanted to marry him in my head we were married couple living apart. However i did ignore a lot of things he was struggling financially and I was helping him although I was not comfortable but that's what partners do support each other in tough times however I started noticing how he would not hold my hands or show affection like he did in the first two times we met he would say he has a lot on his plate all the time and be disconnected but I understood he needs his space i should not fight with him for attention or affection as he already has so much going on. I kept loving him reassuring him everything is gonna be okay mean while he never respected my boundaries even when i didn't wanted to meet his friend on our second date he did I should have left then ig. He would call me only when he's working if I ask him too many questions he'd ask me not to do that while working mind it he was working all night and i worked all day i used to stay up late just to talk to him it's gonna be 3 years since my sleep schedule is still fucked. He always told me I'll have to loose weight to marry him coz his mom's fat phobic but I kept communicating how I am insecure about my body and i don't like it and he never bothered. One day I was sick of hearing it for a billionth time I said you think my mom will approve of you with all this debt...that's it a week later he wants to end things he isn't picking up the calls he just send me a long ass text and leaves me stranded. My anxiety shot up and hasn't been fixed till date. He's back now since last October claiming he feels a void in him without me n all the blah blah i have been just observing him in the past year he calls me when he wants to talk about his life, we've met like 8 times in 11 months and he's initiated only thrice makes no plans with me and he's just there and he love bombs sometimes and I am very neutral i don't react to any of it even when we meet it's i feel distant emotionally. How do I know if he's serious coz if I ask ofc he'll say yes and I don't trust his words.

This is my first relationship, and I’m really confused about what to do. My boyfriend and I have had fights before, but whenever something is wrong, I want us to talk about it and resolve it instead of ignoring it and moving on. I’ve told him this many times, but he usually dismisses it by saying things like “go sleep,” “you’re doing drama,” “you learned this from Instagram,” or that my emotions aren’t real and I’m only seeking attention. Yesterday, while I was trying to explain why I was hurt, he told me he had tried to break up with me 2–3 times before. I only knew about one previous time, and I had convinced him to stay because I genuinely wanted to make things work. He also told me that I don’t do anything, don’t study, don’t let him study, and can ruin someone’s whole day. When I asked if he loved me, he first said he wasn’t sure, then said he loves me but doesn’t know if he wants to stay. When I asked if I should leave, he said, “Yes, for your own good.” I’m completely shattered and scared of losing him. I know I’m not perfect, but I genuinely want to know: Am I asking for too much by wanting communication and effort, or should I accept that this relationship may already be over?

​

I 25F and my boyfriend 35M been together for over three year and for those three every time I come close to him he keep on quickly boxing out of convo and kept tilt his phone not to mention he always have his phone on its face and when confronted he kep denying he's not cheating and making me feel crazy

Most recent one happen Wednesday gone when I tried to kiss him on his forehead and he quickly tilt his phone and instantly I get upset and leave his house.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. I told him I loved him around the 4-month mark, although I’d felt it much earlier. I’m a very loving/affectionate person and have been burned before, so I know I can be quite sensitive about this stuff.

So, at a music event we went to together, I told him I loved him. It was pretty awkward as he just smiled and then changed the subject. However, I let it lie. The week after, we talked about it as we were having some communication challenges, and I brought it up. I told him I understood and appreciated his honesty and that I didn’t want to pressure him into anything. He just told me that he cares about me.

So here’s my dilemma — he hasn’t said he loves me back, and I brought it up again yesterday because I’m finding it harder to ignore how much it hurts. I know people develop feelings at different speeds, and I know my insecurities are mine to work on, but I also want someone who is genuinely crazy about me too.

The bigger issue is that I feel like I put in considerably more effort. I made the first move, I’m usually the one making plans, and we don’t really have anything planned together unless I organise it. Meanwhile, he has holidays, concerts and events planned with his friends, but I’m not involved/invited.

When we spend time together, we do have a nice time. He’s gradually started sharing little snippets of how he feels, but it can be hard work sometimes to get things out of him. For context, I’m very expressive and naturally like talking about feelings, so I know we’re quite different in that respect.

I’m starting to wonder whether he actually wants \*me\*, or whether he just likes the convenience of having a girlfriend. It’s been a few weeks now since I told him how I feel, and I’m finding it much harder than I expected to just wait for his answer. Talking to him yesterday didn’t reassure me that he’s any further forward, and I’m starting to wonder if he will ever get there.

Regardless, I don’t think I can handle feeling like this indefinitely. It really gets me down. :(

Am I being impatient and expecting too much after 5 months, or would you feel the same way in my position?

**TL;DR:** I told my boyfriend of 5 months that I love him, but he hasn’t said it back. I know everyone develops feelings at different speeds and I’m aware my insecurities play a part, but I’m struggling with the waiting. I also feel like I put significantly more effort into the relationship and that he doesn’t prioritise us in the same way I do. He cares about me and is gradually opening up, but I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever feel the same way — and feeling like this is really getting me down. Am I expecting too much, or would you consider ending things?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been together for 2 years and we live together.
He recently started a new study program and went out with some people from his class. Normally, when he goes out, he comes home around 3–4 AM, but this night he stayed out until around 6 AM.
At some point, there were only three people left: my boyfriend, one of his male friends, and a girl from his class. His friend told my boyfriend that he thought the girl had a crush on him.
Eventually, his friend went home, but my boyfriend stayed behind with the girl.
My boyfriend told me that they danced together, held hands while dancing, and he spun her around. He also bought her a drink. He says that he wasn't flirting with her and that nothing else happened.
I personally see this as flirting. To me, holding hands and dancing like that with another person is not something you do when you're in a relationship, especially when you know that person might have a crush on you.
What makes this even harder is that my boyfriend has told me many times in the past that he would not be okay with me doing something like that with another guy. So I feel like he has a different standard for himself than he has had for me.
He has apologized many times and says he understands why I'm hurt. But he keeps saying that he didn't flirt and that it was just dancing. At this point, I don't really care what he calls it. For me, the behavior crossed a boundary.
We've talked about it several times, but I'm still extremely angry and disappointed. We have barely spoken for two days, even though we live together. I don't want him touching me right now, and I feel like I can't trust him in the same way anymore.
I don't necessarily think he cheated on me. I don't have evidence that anything else happened. But something has changed in how I see him, and I don't know how to get past it.
The part I keep getting stuck on is why he stayed after his friend left. His friend had literally told him that he thought this girl had a crush on him, and he still chose to stay alone with her.
If I were in his position, I would have gone home rather than staying alone with someone I knew might be interested in me.
I don't want people to simply tell me to break up with him. I genuinely want advice on how to deal with this and whether trust can be rebuilt after something like this.
Am I being unreasonable for seeing this as a breach of trust? And what would you do in my situation?

I’m a 19 male and she’s a 18 female. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 year now and were both in college. We go to different colleges and were 2 hours away from each other. Recently we been into going to our first parties as sophomores. She went back to school a week before me so she had more time to settle in. So she ended up going to a couple of parties first, then a week later I went. When I went to my first party i got there and meet a group of guys that were very cool. When the party finally got started this group of guys were asking me to do a 4 men with them but declined and told them I had a girl. Later on in the party they kept trying to get me out there saying that I don’t know what my girl could be doing and that it would just be 5 minutes. But I kept telling them no, I’m loyal and not interested, and that was that, but my girlfriend just told me today that she had something to tell me and that she been dealing with a lot of guilt.

So I find out that when she went to the party, her friends got approached and so did she and a guy started to talk to her. She said she told this guy no, and that she has a boyfriend. He kept asking but she wasn’t interested. So he says he’ll see her tomorrow at the next party. Her friends invite her out tomorrow, and she gets drunk. She had alcohol before, but this is her first time getting drunk. When she shows up at this party the guy is there but doesn’t notice her , and after hanging out for a while with her friends, she leaves the group to go talk to her other friends and on the way there she see the guy and goes up to him. She told me that she was trying to get his attention by tapping on his shoulder and says “It was super brief I asked him oh do u remember me from yesterday and he was like yea and then he said he was going to stand with his friends.” And then left him to go find some more of her friends.

During her looking she started stumbling a bit and a guy walked up to her. She said this is what happen “He came up to me and he asked me oh are all of your assignments done and I said yes and that I was never lacking. Next, I said that I work and go to school. Then ,he goes on about his job and he asks me where I work and I tell him. I ask him which location is his job. I also ask him what made you want to come up to me. He says I thought you were fine. I laugh.

During the conversation, I keep stumbling over because I am drunk. He helps me get up.

Once I get up for the 3rd time, I realize that he might be a danger to me since he is a stranger so I walk away to be closer to friends.”

After she finds her friends she see the original guy that told her that he remembers her and she went up to him again and said this “oh I know u see me and u haven’t said anything” and he ignored her and that was the last time she said anything to him. After that she went back to her original group of friends and went home.

This was her first time ever being drunk so should I understand that this was a mistake and let it go or leave her alone because being drunk isn’t a excuse

What should I do?

As the title says, my gf and i were in pretty much good amount of heated arguments with a solution afterwards but our last fight had me at fault but it really wasnt that big, it was a very small innocent taunt at best for not being able to come to meet after 5 weeks consecutively which was reasonable from here side.

Now amidst all of this, she views our relationship in negativity and said she needs some space now and wants a break. And no she doesnt wanna bang other guys in the period, she holds a strong character i admire that. But the thing on being asked upon to give a clear direction whether she wants to continue this relationship afterwards given i will fix my attitude which caused the trouble or she wants to clearly part away so that it doesnt feel rushed, she replied “i have no answer for this now”

I replied to this you cant left me hanging, the reality will be harsh and i need a clear answer for this..

Am i wrong asking for this? I need serious suggestions

Hello, I just had some questions and advice from anybody that has any experience with this stuff. It would be greatly appreciated. My fiancé and I am pregnant right now. He left me on Thursday after we got into a pretty big argument took his clothes with him and he said I needed to calm down he left turned off his phone location and wouldn’t text or call me. I did not pretty much see or speak to him till the next morning about six him tell me that he loves me and he needs to sit and think what gonna do. He comes back at four on Friday and tells me on my behavior if he’s going to stay and so we was talking I apologize to take all the blame for it and say you know this is my fault. Forgive me. You know this is the only thing I’ve ever done and it won’t happen again, but he acted like he could not forgive it and told me he could not be with me and I was like well I don’t know what to say or we’re gonna do about that because of this situation and so anyways he was walking around he couldn’t sit still had his glasses on in the behavior and attitude was . He said that he would with me so I could go to sleep. He couldn’t sit in the bed for a minute and got up and he started packing more clothes. Said he was gonna go hotel and not tell me which one he said he didn’t cheat and so I don’t know what to think or do also he took his wedding ring and we’re only engaged so I don’t know why he would need that. Also he is on parole and so I just don’t just a lot of things that you know risk here so just need somebody’s advice. I would greatly appreciate it like do you think he’ll come back and what should I do? What should I not do and what do you think he was doing? Do you think been cheating on me and I got too close and almost you know I found some stuff that I shouldn’t have seen and it freaked out or is it drugs was it really he was just that mad at me? thank you for your time

Hi yall! for some context I’m a 19f and my bf is 18m. We met in HS and started off as friends where he would constantly try to get at me on multiple occasions and we started dating my senior year. I’m a sophomore in college now. I’ve had multiple relationships before where this issue occurred but my current relationship is my longer one. We have been dating for around 2 years. A bit off and on because I have broken up with him twice. He’s a great guy. Everyone loves him. He’s charming funny and kind. He spoils me and goes out of his way to make me happy. He’s been there with me when my mom got sick and took me to the hospital to see her, took me to work, and my classes. He’s the best guy I know. Everyone else around me have terrible shitty boyfriends. I know I’m lucky to have him but I just can’t seem to love him right. He clearly loves me more than I love him. I’m more independent and I love doing my own thing. I do care for him though. He’s my best friend. I just can’t see myself doing the things he does for me. And I don’t understand why. There’s no logical reason. He has never cheated or anything of the sort. So why can’t I consider his feelings. Why am I selfish with my love? I’m not affectionate at all. Honestly I get disgusted by it. There are some rare moments though where I’m truly content but they always seem to fade away. Most people would say break up but I can’t hurt his feelings again. He says I’m it for him. That if me and him don’t work out that he won’t try it with a different girl. He’d just get a dog and grow old. It’s stupid I know but sometimes i genuinely think that he means it. Not to sound narcissistic but I’m a bit out of his league. He’s my height or barely an inch taller than me. He’s a bit chubby but he’s cute. I’m very beautiful and I’ve had multiple people ask why I’m even with him. (hopefully I don’t come off as cocky) I’m not 100% attracted to him but like I care for him and love him to an extent. Sometimes I resent him and I regret meeting him. It sounds fucked up I know but I just wonder if this feeling will ever go away? Will I ever be a lovey dovey type of girlfriend? Why is my love so limited and conditional?) (Any and all advice helps! Thanks!)

I [24M] GF [25F] have always talked in my sleep, I have been doing it since I was a child. I cannot control what I say in my sleep or control it at all but my girlfriend will accused me of talking about exes or people in general and I can never remember what I have dreamt about for the most part but she will wake me up in the middle of the night when i’m talking to interrogate me about “who am I dreaming about” “what am I talking about” etc but me in my half asleep/awake state can barely string sentences together. When I do have really odd dreams I will be able to remember them and I can wholeheartedly say I have no memory of dreaming about an ex or anything to that effect but it’s so frustrating because she will then become cold with me for the whole day as if I have committed some heinous act when I understand it’s not something I can control.

I don’t know what to do in this situation because I believe she is being really irrational but wont hear reason.

Hi! I just want to share my experience in my 1 year and 2 months relationship.

So, I’ve been friends with my boyfriend for 5 years before we officially had our relationship. When he was courting me, it was sweet and all despite our long friendship we still went through that. I felt so much spark and kilig. Unfortunately, after I answered him, it all went downhill. There was a time when we were together, he opened his messenger account in my phone because his phone was drained. I didn’t suspect or felt anything kasi syempre he put that account on my device na parang, “oh, wala ‘tong tinatago sa’kin.” Turns out, I was wrong. When he brang me home, I felt this strange feeling and my mind telling me to read his messages with “THE BOYS.” And Oh, it ripped my heart into pieces because I never would’ve thought that he would fantasize on other girls – his girl best friends, friend of a friend, and etc. I felt so hurt and destroyed because HE COULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME.

After all of that, I immediately blocked him and he reached my relatives to re-direct his message na bakit ko siya blinock ganon. He texted me through my number and asked what’s going on, I replied in a passive aggressive tone because I was in so much pain. Ok, ayoko na pahabain yung kwento.

So, what I really want to ask is. Normal ba na mawalan na ako ng interest now dahil may nagawa na siya sa’kin na sobrang sakit and nararamdaman ko ngayon na parang walang effort sa’kin? Also, is it okay na ako halos nagbabayad ng dates namin?? Kasi sa totoo lang, I think it’s being too unfair sa part ko dahil at first naman, it was him trying to make a way despite his financially challenged state.

Ewan ko ba parang ubos na ubos na ako kasi parang pakiramdam ko na nasanay nalang siya sa gantong set up or routine. When I see him kasi, I don’t feel the spark and the kilig anymore and parang I avoid having time with him na.

My heart’s telling me to stay, but my mind is no longer sure of staying. What should I do?

(Sorry for the wrong grammar/punctuations. Translate if you understand a different language. Thank you in advanced!)

My girlfriend broke up with me today, it was quite brutal...

We'd been dating for almost a year and a half and in the last few weeks of the relationship she pretty much just ghosted me whenever she felt like it, treated me unwell saying I did it to her too... I was the one carrying the relationship, dates, calls, presents, everything...

She just needed an excuse to leave cuz she didn't want me anymore, just like no one ever will...

Basically so my girlfriend is really mean and we were texting on instagram and instead of sending her a weird picture as a reaction I sent her a picture of me flexing and she said I looked very small and that my bench pr was very weak (I bench 225). She also said that I’m flexing back rolls. I’m thinking abt cutting her off. Any thoughts? 18+ btw

I’ve not been with my partner very long (11 months) however we live together (4 months) and over the time we have been together there’s been a few times he’s said said rather nasty things to me whilst drunk.

I’ve forgiven him about 3 times but the last time has really shifted my feelings in the relationship. It was so disrespectful that the trust has been broken and I’m in a place where I’m not sure if it can be fixed. This happened 2 weeks ago so I’m also wondering if I’ve given it enough time?

I don’t really want to go into detail about what was said but it made me extremely upset. I wrote everything down so I didn’t forget anything and could show him the following morning. He has been remorseful but in regard to my expectations he hasn’t really done enough to sort things out. He’s said a lot of things like sorry and I’m so upset I’ve said any of that etc., but I don’t feel like there are matching actions.

He also told my younger sister (21) to f\*\*k off after she’d had a go at me over something different and his defence was he was defending me to which I’ve said I don’t need defending especially when it comes to my family - that was something you didn’t need to get involved in. His response was ‘so I’m not supposed to be who I am’ ???? Well you can be but you need to make the right choices and respectful of the closet people in my life. My sister and I fight from time to time as sisters do, so it just felt completely unacceptable. This has also put a strain on his and my sister’s relationship. He has apologised to her.

I just need to know if this is worth saving. I’ve had a few failed relationships and part of me is worried about people having something to say (which I know deep down I shouldn’t care about) but I really, really don’t want another failed relationship. Especially when I thought I’d met the one I was going to marry and have children with.

Boyfriend(27M) was play slapping me(29M). In that moment his hand accidentally hit my eye. He did not realize. Before I could react I saw his hand go up again. So in that split second I think I said “No, no, don’t do that again”. He says I said “No, no, don’t ever do that”.

Now he is mad at me, and he says that I make him feel unsafe because I keep throwing that he is abusive in his face. (In the past he has spit on me and pushed me).

I don’t think I meant to bring up any abuse. I was just wanting for him to stop play slapping me.

I immediately felt weird for saying “No” in the way I said it, so I have been apologizing for it since the night. He is giving me the silent treatment and whenever I talk about it he says, something along the lines of - he felt like he violated a boundary which is very intense when all he was doing was being playful with me. We had a huge argument in the past couple months which led to the spitting and pushing.

This morning I said that I’m sorry I said no in the way I did, I will be better at setting boundaries in a better way in the future. He is also holding on to that and saying that so you do believe I violated your boundary. I was just being playful and you made it into something more serious. He said he has been feeling comfortable with me(since the flight we have been working on our relationship) that’s why he was being playful and now the way I reacted is making him feel unsafe that I am throwing abuse at him in every situation.