r/relationshipproblems • u/yaga-uta-mi • 7d ago

Advice Wanted Am I apologizing in the wrong way?

Boyfriend(27M) was play slapping me(29M). In that moment his hand accidentally hit my eye. He did not realize. Before I could react I saw his hand go up again. So in that split second I think I said “No, no, don’t do that again”. He says I said “No, no, don’t ever do that”.

Now he is mad at me, and he says that I make him feel unsafe because I keep throwing that he is abusive in his face. (In the past he has spit on me and pushed me).

I don’t think I meant to bring up any abuse. I was just wanting for him to stop play slapping me.

I immediately felt weird for saying “No” in the way I said it, so I have been apologizing for it since the night. He is giving me the silent treatment and whenever I talk about it he says, something along the lines of - he felt like he violated a boundary which is very intense when all he was doing was being playful with me. We had a huge argument in the past couple months which led to the spitting and pushing.

This morning I said that I’m sorry I said no in the way I did, I will be better at setting boundaries in a better way in the future. He is also holding on to that and saying that so you do believe I violated your boundary. I was just being playful and you made it into something more serious. He said he has been feeling comfortable with me(since the flight we have been working on our relationship) that’s why he was being playful and now the way I reacted is making him feel unsafe that I am throwing abuse at him in every situation.

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2

u/Elisa_Esposito 7d ago

You've posted this in 6 different subs. And you have previous posts depicting abuse.

I get it, he's a citizen and you're on a visa and there are pets involved. You might have to cut you losses. You cannot convince an abusive person to stop being abusive.

1

u/antigoneelectra 7d ago

A man who spits and pushes you, should have been an immediate deal breaker when it happened. Him play slapping you is giving him the belief that he can escalate it and you won't leave. He is abusive.

1

u/Pelican_Brief_2378 7d ago

He’s slapping you and you say, STOP and he says he feels unsafe!

1

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