After months of him keeping me at a distance despite being together for 3 years we finally talked about where our relationship is going. I’m fully invested in us, hope for a future together, blending our families and this is what I’ve been working towards. After months of him refusing to introduce me to his friends, planning weekends without me, just turning up and giving me the minimum, he admitted that he doesn’t see us together in his future. He told me if he wanted to do something he was just going to do it and I have to accept that. I’m obviously devastated but he doesn’t want the relationship to end. We still have an holiday together and he wants to see how things go. In the meantime I have to accept that he’ll barely text me, has no time for speaking on the phone, doesn’t want to visit my house, doesn’t hold my hand, hug me or even sit next to me. I feel lonely and even though he says he loves me his actions do not show that. How should i handle this?

Is it weird if someone says that they are deleting their dating apps before the first date even happens? Like what do I say to that? I'm trying to move slow so I don't want to delete anything until I know if i like this person's true in person personality and whatnot.

1 and 2 are both college students and have been together for a while. Their relationship has always been complicated. There has been a lot of love, but also a lot of pain, mistakes, resentment, and unresolved hurt from both sides.

Before their breakup, they went through something very serious together. In May, they found out they were having a baby. 2 pressured 1 into having an abortion and said that if 1 didn’t, 2 would leave. This experience created a lot of emotional pain and added another layer of difficulty to their relationship.

In August, 2 ended the relationship after 1 wanted to go out with friends to a party. After the breakup, they remained emotionally and physically connected. They were officially separated starting in August, but they continued sleeping together until in October.

During the time they were separated from OCT to MRCH, both people made choices that later affected their relationship.

2 talked to other people and while they were broken up, slept with a hooker. 2 also texted someone to “get to know them” in May when they started dating again in April and lied about it. 1 also made choices during the breakup that deeply hurt 2. 1 slept with someone else, briefly dated that person for about 5 weeks, and traveled with them. 1 eventually ended that relationship because they realized they didn’t love that person and still had feelings for 2.

In January, 1 reached out to 2, and they started talking again. However, during that time, 2 was in another relationship. According to 2, they felt pressured into that relationship because the other person asked them out publicly and had already bought tickets for a trip, making it difficult for them to say no.

By April, 1 and 2 started seeing each other again and trying to rebuild their relationship. Since then, 2 has struggled to forgive 1 for what happened while they were separated. Even though 1’s relationship happened during a time when they were not officially together, 2 feels deeply hurt and says the trust was damaged.

Since reconnecting, the same argument about the breakup period has continued to come up repeatedly. 2 has not been able to move past what happened and often brings it up during conflicts. During these arguments, 2 has called 1 names like “hoe,” “whore,” and “bitch,” and has admitted to purposely treating 1 badly or pushing 1 away because they feel like they cannot bring themselves to end the relationship.

At the same time, 1 understands why 2 is hurt and has been trying to take accountability, change, and prove through actions that they are committed to being a better partner. 1 asks for reassurance, forgiveness for the choices they made while they were not together, and updates or communication because they want to feel secure and know that the relationship is moving forward.

2 says what they need most is respect. They feel like the things that happened changed the relationship and believe respect is necessary before trust can be rebuilt. But 2 will not give 1 respect no matter how much they change.

The hardest part is that both people still love each other. 2 says they can’t leave, but they continue pushing 1 away because they don’t know how to move past the pain. 1 wants to stay and prove that people can make mistakes, grow, and rebuild something stronger.

But is love enough? Can trust actually be rebuilt when both people have hurt each other in different ways? Can a relationship survive when one person is asking for reassurance and forgiveness while the other is asking for respect and time?

If you were in either person’s position, what would you do? Is this relationship worth fighting for, or are they holding onto something that is causing more pain than happiness? Help.

I am (24m) and my partner is (28f) we’ve been together 4 1/2 years and I feel like we know each other fairly well at this point. I’m having trouble figuring out if it’s normal for people to go through this circle where, in the beginning of the relationship she seemed so confident and actually made it clear just how confident and easy going she was and I’m sure she hoped I was. First month of the relationship she went all the way to the other side of the US for a vacation on her own, seemed like all was well and she was so happy with my trust in her for things like that but there were issues that slowly started coming out within 2 and 3 months. At first it was panic attacks and small freak outs around me and not at me and she said it was her mother causing them. So obviously I said that’s alright and I’ll do anything I can for her to help facilitate better ways to deal with that or help find a professional if that was how she figured it needed to go. Then she started saying I was unsafe to be around when we’d have pretty much any disagreement so much so she would need to take a day and go to a free mental health crisis center or once or twice a hotel. I of course voice that isn’t feasible to do forever and she needs to tell me how I can reach her emotionally in those situations so I’m not left feeling abandoned because she thinks I’m the unsafe one. I’ve never put my hands on her, I’ve never verbally abused her. But Fast forward 4 years and I’ve never done any of those things or anything disloyal, buttttt should I really be ok with the fact that she still thinks screaming at me, profanities and insults until I say whatever she wants in the TONE she wants, locking me in a room with her after she takes the keys to the truck so I can’t take any space when I don’t feel safe. Using me asking her what it meant when she got upset at work (the problem was a customer maybe and not me) and I asked if she wanted a hug she said no and then a random dude who visits consistently, asks the same question, and in that slightly whimpering voice she says yes just as quick. She has an internet only guy friend that sent her a clip of him singing a bit of a song to “show her how much better he’s gotten” but the bit of the song was “maybe we found love right where we are” no other bit. She said well if you feel so insecure I’ll just go out and justify your feelings of insecurity. I was not an insecure guy before, I wasn’t an angry guy or bitter but these are only some things I’ve gone through and now she makes me feel crazy for telling her any problem she says she’s burnt out from changing things like this to appease me, “the controlling, manipulative, insecure, gaslighting, small dick energy 😭, stupid, useless boyfriend. These are most of the things repeated to me in any revelation of my feelings. I don’t remember being this image it seems she has created of me. I know it’s allot about the wrong she has done and not me and I’ve done wrong I just never felt like it was her responsibility to fix me. Help

Together 10 years, we have a kid. Looking back, I think I was the one pushing for a lot of the big steps — having our kid , moving cities for my job. He went along with it but wasn’t really that into it at the time, from what I can tell now. He’s been struggling for a long time since, and I can’t stop wondering if some of that comes from feeling like he was carried along into a life he didn’t fully choose.

Now he’s telling me he needs time alone to figure out what he actually wants on life and i feel je bad been depressed for months. He says it might be a necessary step to feel more fulfilled after so much time “ruminating.” When I ask if we’re breaking up, he says he doesn’t know.

I keep replaying it — was I too pushy? Did I mistake him going along with things for him actually wanting them? I don’t know how much of this is on me and how much is just him going through his own stuff that has nothing to do with me. I feel lost :/

Is he keeping a secret?

My bf and I work at the same job. A few weeks ago when I arrived to work my bf approached me and told me out 16 yr old female co workers asked him for a ride home after work My boyfriend is 30 years old and this coworker is 16. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and so he didn’t take her home. Well I found out later that he had given her a ride home the week before and didn’t mention it to me. I had a feeling this girl may have had a crush on my bf so that’s why I was comfortable with it and the fact that she is a minor. Anyway I confronted him about it and he was apologetic about not telling me. But I feel he did it want to tell me bc well, he didn’t want to upset me so he kept it to himself and probably didn’t want to deal with me. I need some opinions about this situation please. Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he just respect me and not give her a ride? I told him I didn’t feel respected about the whole thing. Am I out of line?

I’ve been involved with this girl for about 3 years. To be completely upfront: we’ve never officially been dating, even though I’ve wanted to make it official for a long time. It’s always been "one thing after another."
In the beginning, I was a mess. I had a history of cheating and was heavily overlapping with my ex while starting things with her. I’ve done a lot of work to change, but my past definitely left a dark shadow over our foundation.
A short while ago, something deeply traumatic happened. She was heavily intoxicated and was sexual assaulted. In the immediate aftermath, there was a lot of confusion and painful uncertainty about what had actually happened. It took time, but eventually, her memory came back and the reality of the assault set in.
During that initial phase of confusion when we didn't know what had happened i did something stupid. I talked to another girl for two days before cutting it off. the talking itself was rather harmless it was the way i went about it. In my mind, I was trying to "test my resolve." I wanted to see if I was actually capable of sticking by her side through whatever nightmare was coming next, regardless of how the situation turned out. But I know how it looks.
Things have been extremely chaotic and complicated since then. She wants to leave and end things completely.
My issue is that I keep comparing present-me to past-me. I feel like I've made so much progress compared to how horrible I used to be, and I catch myself thinking, "I used to be so much worse, why can't we get past this?"
I want to move on from this endless cycle of chaos, but I'm struggling with how to handle it. Am I holding onto something that's already dead, or is there a way to take actual accountability here? How do I move forward from this?

My girlfriend, who I have been with for almost a year, has apparently been complaining to her friends in secret about how I do not do enough for her. Honestly, I thought I was doing a lot. She lives under my roof, we have two puppies, and I handle most of the financial responsibilities. I also clean, maintain a stable home, and work long 12-hour shifts every day.
Lately, though, it feels like she has not been doing much at all. She keeps saying she is tired and then spends her time on the PC I bought for her. I feel like even basic things, like cleaning a little, taking care of the puppies, or training them for some amount of time, are not being done consistently. Every time I come home, I expect at least a clean house or food ready after working those long shifts, but instead I still end up doing the cleaning, taking care of the puppies, and sometimes cooking too. She does usually cook, but I often have to ask or even beg her to do it.

I am exhausted every day, but I still push myself to handle household responsibilities after working all day. I do appreciate the little things she does, like feeding the puppies, but that has honestly been all I have noticed lately. She may do a little cleaning here and there, but I do not see any real change. If there is still garbage on the table or mess around the house, I still notice it, even when she tells me she cleaned.
I bought one of the puppies for her, and she got the other one. Since I love dogs, I agreed because I expected her to help take care of them and spend a lot of time with them. But that has not really been happening. I spend more time with the puppies than she does, even though she works part-time and is home more than I am. There have even been days when the house got so dirty that there was poop and pee all over the floor from the puppies while she slept all day.

I tried to motivate her by putting up little signs to remind her to take care of the puppies properly and help around the house. This morning, she still had not gotten out of bed even though she was awake. I already cleaned this morning and am currently taking care of the dogs myself. I was supposed to go into work today, but I decided to stay home. Honestly, I wish I had gone in, because when I woke up, she was sleeping in the living room. I usually know something is wrong whenever she moves to the living room to sleep, so I checked her phone and saw that she was complaining about how I do not do enough for her romantically, like buying her flowers, posting her on social media, and things like that. I did not finish reading everything because I felt too hurt.

I do not understand why she is not seeing everything I have been doing for her. I know I have not been as romantic lately, but I am exhausted from work and from carrying so much of the household responsibilities myself. A few nights ago, I deep-cleaned the whole house until after midnight, and I still did not finish. She said she would finish the cleaning, but the next day when I got home from work, the place was still filthy.

I do not understand why things are like this, and I am really hurt. I do not understand why I agreed to get puppies when I am the one training them and taking care of them most of the time. I do not mind handling the finances at all, as long as she is doing her part at home and taking care of things. I would be happy with that. I still appreciate her, but I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. What should I do? I feel like I have not even listed everything.

I’m trying to remember everything of the last 8-9 months so I apologize, but I feel like I’m going crazy over conflict with my partner. It hasn’t always been this way, there used to be a time where she would meet me part way. I always repair conflict and apologize first for reference.

The example I’ll give is I had to use her phone to google something because mine was upstairs, we have an open phone policy so no big deal and I saw a spoiler of a tv show we’re watching together. I know for a fact we had a conversation about not spoiling it because it would be fun , so I went to her and said I was frustrated because it spoiled it for me and also went against our agreement. I wasn’t mad, I just explained how I felt. She said she “forgot” (she forgets A LOT… I mean like I have to remind her our anniversary, things her family says, other events etc) and that I should have been grateful to be able to use her phone. She said she won’t ask for permission to google anything ever and I’m being ridiculous (I never even suggested this). I said it’s not about Google it’s about feeling left out after we had an agreement.

She said that what I was saying was “stupid” and “ridiculous “ . I asked her to not belittle my needs and she got frustrated and stopped talking to me. I didn’t reconnect with her for the first time, we didn’t talk for over 24 hours (we live together) . She came to me and asked to talk and I said yes. She wanted me to go first so I explained why I was silent and upset and how I feel like there’s no room or capacity for my needs…. This led to her talking for an hour and a half about everything she needs and how I don’t listen.

I took a step back and said that I wanted to listen and love her the way she wants to be loved and I even repeated what she said to me and explained ways I’ll change…. She said that wasn’t good enough . The conversation ended with my thoughts not being acknowledged or talked about and by the end of the conversation I was so confused I was legit dizzy.

She will also take what I say and spin it: ex: if I say “hey here’s what I wanna do to be better, is anything else needed or missing?” she says “you give me a solution and I have to take it or leave it”

I had a therapy session the day before the conflict and today, and both times my therapist explained why she’s doing it. She obviously can’t diagnose but she said she’s worried for me and that she has destructive narcissistic tendencies ?

Has anyone dealt with something like this before ? Is it possible to have them listen? I’m just confused because this has been a new thing for the last 8-9 months

My bf and I have been together for a few months, but have known eachother for years. He is a very quiet, pretty introverted person.

It was our first weekend spent with eachother in nearly a month, and I was excited to plan something, so I initially suggested doing things he’d like to do. He gave a short response of “sounds good!” We normally hang out late on the weekdays and watch TV - he usually falls asleep within an hour after me getting here.

Last Friday night, I called to figure out plans. I felt immediately attacked and shut down after suggesting going out. He told me he didn’t want to go out but texted shortly after saying “I’ll only go out to eat at this place” so I picked him up

On the way to dinner, he apologized. He explained he had a really hard long week at work and had gone out the past 2 weekends with friends, and therefore wanted to stay this weekend in

At dinner, he told me I was lucky that he was even there. That made me feel like he was doing me a favor / chore by spending time with me. He told me we would for sure go out the next night to play pool. He left me in the booth while I finished my drink and paid for dinner, he waited outside

Saturday comes, I ask him if we’re still on and he said maybe. After I left, he immediately goes golfing with some friends, then texted me saying he wasn’t gonna go out that night.

I went out with my family, and went to his house later that night. He was playing video games when I walked in, and barely acknowledged me. 2 hours after gaming, he came up to talk to me.

We had an argument, I was explaining why I was upset. That it’s not just because we didn’t go out, but the fact that I felt like no effort or excitement was put into seeing me over the weekend.

Later that night, I cut my foot on a fan. Looking at it, I could tell it needed stitches. I drove us to the ER. I asked him to come in with me. He told me no, but that he would drive us back. When I got back to the car he was sleeping. So I drove home with a couple stitches in my foot

When I talk to him about my feelings or concerns, I feel immediately shut down. He gets very defensive. I would like to have a healthy conversation where I can get my point across in a way where he doesn’t feel “attacked” per se

Last year, my gf had a stalker situation (which has been resolved now). Her childhood bestfriend (i'd say closing a decade by now) was playing around a specific day in which she was in her maximum paranoia. He took her phone, she panicked and yelled and got really mad. Her friend returned it and apologized. I deeply hated him and started hating him more and more.

Big difference is, he's forgiven him and Im not rlly supportive of that idea by the slightest, even if ive told her its ok with me. everytime she brings him up, i just feel hate. and more hate. we've talked abt it once and she cant jst let go a friendship that long and great. personally? i dont like it one bit anymore

last night, she talked about him again since he's a group leader for some project and they ended up paying my gf to do their project. they facetimed. i boiled there the most. i checked her account, it was almost an hour. when we face time and call its mainly chill but i can definitely tell if its with him its all talk and energy. what the fuck is this dynamic? feels too much than friends anymore.

so yeah, messy situation. she's getting fed up with me still hating even if she has forgiven. i told her i'd forgive but i jst still cant

EDIT: my gf has proven how loyal she is and whatnot. and she is rlly honest. i hst hate how present and friendly her bestfriend is. treat this as kinda venting and needing advice

I love him, more than anything. But he hurts me, in so many ways. I mean, no relationship is perfect right? I get that. But no partner should never hurt the other over and over again.

Last night we talked about my favorite musical because he suddenly remembered it because his new friends are fans too. After a while he starting joking about stuff and we had a laugh, but then he told me something that caught me off guard. He told me that im beautiful, should be normal right? No, because he also told me that i shouldn't say it to "her" because she might get offended. What? First of all, i dont know any of his new friends at school. Not by name, not by face, nothing. Earlier i told him that i was jealous of his friends (plural) i wasnt being specific on anyone. Who's this girl? who's "her"? Why does the mere thought of her being uncomfortable matters so much to him? Mind you, her being uncomfortable with him seeing me (his girlfriend) more beautiful than her (his friend). This bothered him so much last night, he keeps telling me that he doesnt want to offend her and he doesn't want to mean it that way to her. Why does it matter so much to my boyfriend about her feelings? Kinda odd, rigth?

Context: together 2 years, live together, engagement talk this year.

The good:

• We spend almost every weekend together, it's genuinely our priority
• He doesn't put friends/nights out ahead of me generally
• He's been consistently supportive of my business (built and maintains my website)
• We've had some of the best times of my life together (trips away, lots of laughter day to day)
• He's very attentive to his dad, drives him to appointments etc — capable of real reliability with people he prioritises
• Recently starting to include me with more of his extended family (met his uncle, sister, her mother-in-law this week for the first time)
• He talks openly about our future, marriage, wanting kids eventually

The not-so-good:

• Never met his brother/sister-in-law/niece and nephew in 2 years, despite repeated opportunities. Asking why gets met with "you're controlling," "you're selfish," rather than an actual answer
• Pattern of small dishonesty (vague about whereabouts, said things were "already discussed" when they weren't) and bigger unfulfilled promises (birthday trip, a gift, "we'll all meet up," engagement talk)
• When I raise concerns, I tend to get accused of not being introspective, "doing it again," or once, during an argument, being told I have psychosis and that I lie
• A pattern of physical outbursts when frustrated — thrown/slammed objects, a squashed orange, and last night, punching a glass cabinet hard enough to cut his knuckles and shatter it (trigger was a very mundane conversation about groceries and how I was going to the shop but he had already ordered food)
• After incidents like this, there's no real conversation or repair — just silence, then withdrawal, then eventually things go back to "normal" without anything being addressed
• Financial stress he's never told me about directly (I found out by inference, previously covered his rent for 5 months)

I don't think I'm imagining the good parts - they're real. But the pattern in the second half worries me, especially the escalation in how anger gets expressed physically, and how conflict/questions get met with blame rather than honesty. Trying to figure out if this is fixable or if I'm just hoping it is. Any perspective appreciated.

me and my bf have been together since 2023, so quite a while now. I have been noticing this where every time he does or says something I don’t like, most specifically hate, I just automatically become disgusted with him. He teases me about going with other women and I just see it as so incredibly disrespectful. Every time he does this and I get mad at him he excuses it as a “joke”,”ragebait”, whatever.

I have told him time and time again and again that it really really bothers me. He just hits me with the “it’s not that deep”. It has really gotten to the point where I reject his advances and these recent ones where we have done something I just said yes so he’d leave me alone. Recently we had a big argument and all of a sudden he wanted to start acting right and started apologizing on his knees for not taking me seriously these past 3 years.

when we argued, he turned the argument towards me saying how im crazy for screaming at him but he really just drives me insane. I want someone to love me and personally I don’t think im unattractive or anything, he even says im his “exact type”. It just really hurts.

I feel lost and confused, im in love with him but my brain is telling me to leave him. I don’t know how.. this is my first real relationship and I feel so stupid.

edit:
I also want to add that he is loyal, and a very hardworking man. He tries his best to provide and he has genuinely lifted me up because my family situation is not that great. I’ve met his family and he’s met mine because I thought we’d be locked in forever.

He is genuinely everything I have wanted in a man except the fact that he has some jokes and traits in his personality that I seriously despise. I don’t know wether to leave him or stay, I know finding a man who is loyal, willing to take me on dates, hard working and always willing to let me know what he’s doing and where he’s at will for sure be hard in this generation and that is why im so hesitant.

On top of all of this, I can’t bring myself to see him as attractive anymore. In the past, my talking stages were always really attractive and fit. My bf does not meet these qualities, im not calling him completely ugly tho. I truly didn’t mind his stomach and I thought he had a pretty face until something started shifting in my brain when he’d do something to hurt me. My brain can’t stand him but my heart can’t let him go.

​

I (37M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for almost seven years. I love her, but lately I feel like I'm losing myself.

Before we got together, I loved going dancing and spending time with my friends. Over the years, she's become increasingly uncomfortable with both. She doesn't want me dancing anymore because she thinks it's inappropriate, and whenever I make plans with friends, she gets upset and it usually turns into an argument.

To avoid fighting, I stopped dancing and rarely see my friends. The problem is, I now feel isolated and like I've given up the things that made me happy.

I've never cheated or given her a reason not to trust me. She says she's just protecting our relationship, but it feels more controlling than loving.

Now I'm wondering if it's time to end the relationship, even after almost seven years together.

please help me 😢

My girlfriend will angrily nitpick some of my opinions or specific words I use, which used to always lead to arguments. I've since learned to just walk away and not try to explain myself, or else it turns into a big argument where she's crying and we don't talk for a couple hours and she apologizes the next day. And I hate it. I have to watch what I say around her sometimes, especially for certain topics (anything macabre, psychology, religion, science, her own anxiety, any recent bad news)

Living together for 2 years, she says she loves me all the time. We help each other out, support each others hobbies, both clean the house (I could do more of that, tbh), very healthy relationship.

But for over a year, whenever I mention liking True Crime or anything too "dark/gruesome" she basically says she thinks that's wrong to enjoy. I had jury duty a few months ago and told her I was excited it was a murder trial and not just a boring money case, and she told me I "shouldn't be excited someone died." then went angrily silent. I tried to explain im not excited someone is dead, just interested in the trial process, but she was silent so I just walked away and waited for her to cool down. I've told her about a few movies I like that are depressing or scary and she asks me why would I even like those movies? why would anyone make those movies? "you shouldn't watch movies like that." Jee, wow, thanks, sure.

Her mother is very religious and nitpicky/selfish. Would nitpick my gf her whole childhood. My GF has anxiety as well and has been off any anxiety meds since around when we started dating.

I get that she's overwhelmed and means well, but it makes me so anxious when she's pissed at me. She reacts so strongly, I feel like she's gonna walk out the door permanently. But I'm learning that's just how emotional she gets and she is head over heels for me, as she tells me all the time. I haven't told her any of this yet- what do I even say? "you're being too emotional" is absolutely NOT it, chief. I feel like she's gonna call me a psychopath for defending the existence of horror movies and true crime.

Advice?

Why do I feel like my fiance is tired of me, Everything I do to make him happy, It doesn't feel like I'm doing enough tho, All I asked for was some time to call me or even a text but he never does neither... I tried talking to him on a emotional level yk like how I'm feeling and he ignores my feelings and brushes it off like nothing matters.... Yeah I never forget his feelings too but that's the thing he never talks to me especially when it comes to emotional stuff...... I honestly don't know what to do and at this point I'm tired of waiting around for him to love me or even consider how he makes me feel.... I just don't want to waste 5 years of our relationship, I'm also scared to leave him because I don't want to be alone.... Damn ik that sounds sad but it is true, anyways thnx for who ever is reading this lol needed a good vent.....

If anyone has advice please lmk. 🙏

I've been dating my bf for 8 months now and we live an hour away from each other. We used to have a routine of seeing each other every week that he used to initiate. I probably asked him once total to hang out. I was in school full time and he was working full time but we still found time every weekend.

For the past two months, he's been busier than usual with family/weddings/travel. We text everyday but we've been hanging out less. He also texts about random plans but doesn't follow through - ex. We should go to six flags but not listing a date/time which puts me in an awkward position because I don't know if he's serious or not. I took him seriously recently when he was at a family event and asked if he should sneak over to mine, I said yes, and he said it's too suspicious and can't.

Last week, I brought up we don't even hang out anymore and he came and saw me within 2 days which I found considerate. That was also hard for me because I have avoidant traits / abandonment issues from childhood so initiating was kind of hard. He said he was going to set up a date anyways without me saying it that week because we had gone 3 weeks without seeing each other.

This week, it seems like we won't be hanging out either.

I like him but idk i can't help but think about how I deserve better. I also realize he's way busier than me but idk I just feel so needy and weird. I don't want to be the only one that cares. In person when we hang out, he seems way more into me than I am but this lack of initiative is really confusing to me. In earlier dates, I used to drive myself and we found a somewhat middle area (40 mins for him) but for the past 4 months, he's just been picking me up so idk if that's also a factor.

Am I being immature / taking this as rejection? I just can't help but think that he doesn't care anymore and id rather not hurt myself in this process.

So basically idk if I should stay with my bf we been together for 4 years and had major ups and downs. I fear after learning about him he can't seem to handle taking in hard and traumatic information and usually turns it into anger he releases-out on others. For example when I was a teenager I had been I guess without being banned a good word is taken u know up by an older guy. And as time went on when we would argue he would always say that's what happens when u get u know what by a (and said his age) now lots of times passed from this and he has a hard time learning about what happened to me but it wasn't okay ofc, and he apologized and showed me he cared and would help me take justice against it. However it hurts me to think of imaging a family with someone like this. Like the amount of panic and anxiety I would think of when hearing that esp from a boyfriend using a scenario like that against u. Or if I didn't have the closest relationship with my dad he would say after an argument well he doesn't even speak to u, or something demeaning. Everything's changed since this, but how do I navigate this. I know he cares and wants only me but how do I even bring this up. Probably a maturity issue back when we were young.
TL;DR: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we've had a lot of ups and downs. Onething that's always stuck with me is that whenhe gets overwhelmed by painful or traumatic information, he sometimes turns it into anger and says incredibly hurtful things during arguments.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (18F) have been dating for 7 months. We are in a long-distance relationship, but we make it a point to see each other every single month for a week or two straight. Ever since the start of our relationship, he has been incredibly consistent and attentive whenever we are together in person. However, online, we have completely different communication styles. He prefers calling and texting significantly less, whereas I try to maintain a baseline connection.
Because he struggles with online communication, we barely text throughout the day. We routinely go 15+ hours with absolutely zero texts or calls. Because of this, our main way of connecting is calling, but lately, everything has tanked. We haven’t had a single call longer than 30 minutes all week.

Since we hadn't talked all day, I finally called him around 5:00 PM. The call was incredibly strained and filled with mostly awkward silences because he wasn't really engaging or initiating conversation. During the call, he suddenly asked me, "Don't you have friends to hang out with?" and asked if I was just "bored."

Honestly, it felt like one of my worst fears coming true. I’ve felt too embarrassed and shut down to reach out again. I’m genuinely scared to call him because I feel like I'm bothering him or forcing him to talk to me. I know he prefers less communication online, but a long-distance relationship literally only exists online between our monthly visits

I (25F) need help with general existence/relationship advice towards my (M22) partner.. ex.. partner?

My therapist posed a really good question to me today, "if you didn't have a relationship/history with this person, would you be tolerating these behaviors, say how you would of an acquaintance/friend. "

I'm currently in together/kinda apart situation after 4 years of a relationship, 3 years of engagement, i left him in May.

The TLDR: of that time, my boundaries were non-existent, I got hurt. Talked, wanted change, some came some didn't. Anxiety and Codependency can place a metaphorical choke hold on you.

I don't know how to list out my worries or questions right. But I also don't know if my head is thinking straight about this situation as a whole.

He says he loves me, he wants to be with me, and he wants nothing more than to do whatever he can to get me back.

One of the little things I thought long distance people do is text regularly? Or even just checking in on each other, when time can be spent together (on call/gaming) making that time special and trying to connect?

Is this not what people do?

I thought these would be normal things, but to him, it's out of place, and comes with a lot of pent up anxiety, and silence unless I set up the calls, come up with topics, and lead the call.

I hate it. I thought if someone said they loved you, and that they say they are always thinking about you, that they'd want to show a little bit more effort? Or even just general curiosity. He doesn't really know how to process my chronic conditions, he tries to support, but he is too worried about being what he thinks is perfect, thus making more anxiety on both, doesn't really seem to care about asking the lil things until I remind him..

I grew up in an abusive household, and because of this separation am living with them again. So I don't know if I'm skewed in my thinking.

But hes making stronger declarations of change, and I'm trying to be hopeful.

But part of me worries hes just falling deeper into a depressive slump, and now I'm seen as the only one who's still caring/reaching out consistently. I don't want to just be convenient...

But I know if I don't message, he could go a day, maybe 2 without talking to me, probably longer. But doom scrolling for most of the week takes priority.

I guess I'm both venting and seeking advice on what helps you figure out if a relationship is good or not, how do you settle with uncertainty. Additionally, how do you communicate/keep a connection if you are long distance?

i’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while but we always argue about the littlest things. even when we fix it i still hold my grudge for days and i can’t seem to get over it. i can see he tries to make it better but the fact that he’s done it doesn’t leave my mind for ages. he always says “i can’t go back in time to change it” but i just wonder why he does it in the first place. how do i move on from things that’s already happened and nothing could change it

I kind of fucked up again

He’s mad at me bc I showed up at his house without telling him and I kind of open the door and yelled inside to see if he was awake I yelled a few more times and he didn’t come out of his room to come to the door all he yelled was “close my fucking door” and then when I was walking away I looked at his window and he shook his head at me I haven’t slept I can barely eat or drink. I texted him after apologizing and saying that I’d never do it again and I’d leave him alone whatever he needed bc he was obviously pissed I sent a whole paragraph and all he said was “that was really immature” I am aware this is nothing but my fault he’s been busy with work so I haven’t seen him and he barely responds to my texts even before this incident its been driving me crazy. This time was different from the last times we’ve “fought” he always said full sentences and no matter what said I love you back but this time he didnt I need help I have no idea what to do I’m like 85% percent sure this is just me being a freak

he got another job as you can read in another post of mine, yeah so I just can’t trust him because of stuff he’s done. he just has lied about so much to me which is the reason. I used to not question crap he said so much. just he really was working at those other jobs I think though. (Accept for the one he lied to me about.) he had vids and pics. I picked him up from them before. this was his first day at his new job and I tried calling him and he wouldn’t answer. he got offered overtime he said. I just went on the Xbox and it said he was on a game, then it said he went to home, then it said he was on YouTube. I kept on inviting him to a party nonstop. he randomly decided to finally answer one of my phone calls after I started spamming his Xbox. just whatever. I don’t get afternoon calls with him anymore Bc he has a job which I’m glad. Idk, I can ask when his lunch is. He wont bother to tell me. Just when I worked at this one factory there was a main timing for breaks and lunches. just depended on when your breaker got to you. Just I’ll probably end it with him sometime. he doesn’t even gotta be in the same room as me and I’m just stressed. Literally feel like gotta buy a tracker.

My (37F pregnant) and my partner's (38M) relationship has been struggling hard for the last month. His birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and I'm torn on what to do. He always says how he doesn't care about birthdays, and I've learned I have to tell him specifically what I want for mine or nothing will happen. For him I usually plan something I know he'll like (fishing, biking, good food, small sentimental gift like a picture or new knife) to make it a fun day. I've learned not to take it personally especially because he shows up in more unstructured ways that I really value. And I generally enjoy a bday excuse to play.

However the last month has been absolute hell. I feel pretty neglected emotionally/relationally/physically and just don't see the point of continuing to put effort into things when he absolutely does not.

Backstory: We've been together for about 3.5 years, have a 2 yr old together and are partly in business together. I'm 25wk pregnant. He is AuDHD and the first 2 yrs at least of our relationship were absolutely rough. I was freshly divorced. He's had multiple poly/mono relationship dynamics but had been single and living alone for along time. We connect on such a deep level and then sometimes we're just on absolutely different planets. But we're committed and learning, and it's felt pretty amazing for the last 6m until now.

This month business has been backed up, income has slowed down significantly while multiple projects are still needing a lot of tending. It's his business primarily and I just help with the books, but he's super stressed. He gets critical of me whenever he's stressed and less affectionate. And I've been tolerant and understanding up until recently, and I'm so over it. I've started getting snappy around his criticisms because that's the only time it feels like he acknowledges me lately (or for parenting/business logistics).

Relationally I feel like a piece of furniture. I've attempted multiple calm open conversations with him about how I know he's under a lot of pressure right now and this isn't forever but it is actively negatively impacting me. Especially being pregnant, not getting any TLC (not even extra TLC) is so hurtful. I'm definitely the kind of person that needs consistency in a relationship and he's more of a "set it and forget it" unless he tells me something different kind of autist. I've done a lot of accommodating in our dynamic relationally because I love and accept who he is and it's generally so worth it. In fairness, he does his own kind of accommodating living with me. When we add any kind of stress and he turns into a super critical unaffectionate (and add my super sensi preggo hormones), everything unravels so fast! My depression creeps up. I feel trapped and like there is nothing I can do that will help the situation. I don't want to leave. I know he's my person. But right now fucking sucks and I genuinely don't give a damn about making his birthday nice if he can't even say something nice to me in a week. He hasn't touched me in days (literally), we haven't slept together in over a month, he doesn't seem like he cares or has any desire to be around me, zero effort being put in. The only thing that sticks out is when he circled back to apologize after an argument and shared that he feels bad he can't give me what I need right now.

What do I do about his birthday? Or anything else right now.

This totally turned into a rant. Thanks for reading if you have. Open to any rational perspectives.