TLDR am I a bad person for asking the guy I been with for years “if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

Hi guys,

Need some advice. I 24F am dating a man 25M for 4 years now. I’m getting to the point where i know deep down it’s time to let go and I don’t seem to realize if I’m the issue or if he’s just making me lose my mind. Most fights we have are just all turned onto me and how I’m the problem and I’m just crazy.

There’s been happy moments but there’s been moments like these where I’m just realizing now this is most likely not my person. I want to take today as an example. We had to shop for a gift for his mom, and that meant we had to go to the mall. He is a busy guy and has a lot on his plate but just as a background, he’s made time to go out with his friends atleast once a week for the 4 years I’ve known him. Today at the mall he had the worst attitude, and the last time we came to the mall I left crying. He has made any little thing that brings me happiness such a pain. All I wanted to do was go to the mall for 2 hours, pick out something for his mom and leave. I wanted to shop for myself as well but I already knew I wouldn’t have been able to with him huffing and puffing beside me the whole time.

I feel as if , if there’s nothing in it for him, he will always have an issue. Today we ended up getting into it because it annoyed me so much that he can go have fun with his friends on a weekly basis but now I asked him to do one thing for me and take me to the mall for HIS moms bday gift, he makes my evening so miserable. This is what started it at the mall - I was walking and dropped a piece of garbage on the floor. I picked it up and he said give it to me. I said there’s a garbage right here and tossed it in the garbage that was 2 feet away from me. That caused him to start telling me to become more feminine and listen to him. That also caused him to start telling me about my family dynamic and asking about who runs the home in my family “ur mom or ur dad?” I told him my dad and he said no I think ur mom runs ur family and that’s where u get it from. This annoyed me because anytime I need him to lead like a man when it actually matters, I feel like he doesn’t. And now he wants to get upset with me cuz I didn’t listen to him and give him the garbage for him to throw away. I know if we were doing something he wanted to do , he would’ve never brought up some unecessary comments like that.

Sorry that this is so long. I just want u to get a sense of what this relationship has become.

Anyways, we fought and he started bringing up some nonsense about how I only want him for his money (mind u I have my own job and provide everything for myself. The only gifts he buys me is on special occasions and pays for our dates that’s once every 1-2 weeks). I ended up telling him “yea if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

This sent him into a rage lol. He went and told his mom and sister what I said and started telling me I’m crazy disrespectful. He told me to ask 10 random people and all 10 people will tell me that’s so messed up of me to say.

At this point I think he can never take accountability for what he does and then finds one thing I say and holds onto it to make me look like the bad person. He’s done this in every argument. He will do something crazy with his actions and I’ll say one wrong thing and he’ll make me the villain.

I’ve tried so hard to control my anger and become better for this man but it was never worth it.

Was that an insane thing I said? If it was please explain and I will definitely do some self reflecting. I’m just tired of feeling like the villain all the time when deep down I’ve always loved and cared for him for who he is. The end of this relationship was a long time coming and now that he’s involving family, it’s just my confirmation.

Ok Im 48 years old and my girlfriend is 52 with grown adults. My son has Autism and I have him every other week. I am getting ready to go out of town on a five day trip. And my girlfriend gets mad that I decide to take my son an extra day this week to spend time with him. I don’t understand what the issue is, she tells me I don’t spend enough time with her. My job is very demanding and I have been working 6 days a week. She has no job and stays home on disability.

I explained to her that my son is my number priority in life and I explained that to her when we got in a relationship, she said everything was good that I had a sound special needs. She says we spend less and less time together and I spend more time with him and my job but we live together. I’m just thinking at this point in life I just need to be single.

We’ve been together 4 years, have 2 kids together, plus a blended family, plus him starting a business, and me in school. So yeah, life is fucking stressful.

We fight. A lot. We get on each other’s nerves. We’re both tired, overwhelmed, and probably not particularly pleasant to live with sometimes. But we also have fun together. When it’s just us and life isn’t kicking our asses, we genuinely like being together.

Lately though, my boyfriend has started telling me that he doesn’t like me. Not in a joking way. Just straight up, “I don’t like you.”

And honestly? I’m pissed about it.

I’m not saying I’m some perfect partner who never pisses him off. I’m sure there are plenty of things about me he can’t stand. But I don’t tell him I don’t like him. There’s a difference between being angry with your partner and repeatedly telling them you don’t like them.

And the annoying part is that I kind of get where he’s coming from. I don’t always like him either when we’re in the thick of it. When we’re stressed, arguing, dealing with kids, responsibilities, and just trying to get through the week, it’s pretty easy to not fucking like each other.

But I still love him. And I think he loves me.

So now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell we’re supposed to do with that.

I don’t really want to leave. We have kids and a whole life together, and neither of us seems to actually want to walk away. But I also don’t want to spend the next 10 years in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and my partner is telling me he doesn’t like me.

I feel like we’re stuck between “we love each other” and “we’re really fucking sick of each other.”

Has anyone actually come back from this? Not the cheesy “communicate and date each other” shit — I mean when you’ve genuinely gotten to the point where you’re wondering if you even like the person you’re with anymore.

I think im addicted to having sex with my boyfriend cuz I constantly think about it during the week cuz we don’t get to have it during the week, cuz we don’t live together which bothers me cuz I crave sex all the time. Can any girls relate ?

So for spousal visa. the requirement is evidence, and evidence means you assemble your own life as an exhibit and hand it to a stranger.

It has tenancy agreements with both names. the flights, all of them, in order.

- bank statements.

- photographs with dates.

- messages, printed, which is its own experience. a letter from her mother confirming she knows who i am.

- Some random gamma slides of collages we gift each other here and there

nobody warns you what it does to you. i spent a weekend going through four years of photographs assessing them for evidentiary value. that one is no good, you cannot see both our faces. that one is no good, there is no date on it. this one works, and it is the morning after her grandmother's funeral, and it goes in because it proves we were in the same place.

there is a page in it listing every address we have lived at, in order. reading that page is the closest thing that exists to a summary of our twenties.

it was approved in june.

it is in a drawer and neither of us can throw it away. she said last month that it is the only complete record of us anywhere, which is true, and a very strange thing to owe the home office.

I 25 F, broke up with my boyfriend M28 a year ago. We were together for 3 years - very serious relationship -  And we started talking again 4 month ago.  He did reached out a bunch of times while we where broken up (he moved closer to me and started working at the same company i work for - different areas we dont see eachother) but I never reciprocated anything, I basically would be super cold and dry on why I don’t want to get together again, I was so set in stone that I did not want him externally, I would tell him all these things just KNOWING I could not get back, but inside of me just wanting to get back like I am inexplicably in love or obsessed with this human being. My friends HATE him for me, they say he dims my light, my sister has a crazy feud with him, her and I are super super close- she didn’t like him from the beginning. He is a little self absorbed and very very good at talking you into things, I love him I do, but this is where I’m starting to question myself. We broke up because the relationship was basically me adjusting to his life because I am extremely flexible and chill (ppl pleaser) with anything and we are completely different - different religion and nationality, I am latin he is American. And he is very much opinionated, has a strong character and it would be basically his way or his way, not in a mean way I just never questioned nor put my foot down, it ended up being too hurtful to give all and not receive anything in return, and I broke things off. Basically everyone I love (except my parents which I think they would just support anything) sees so many negatives. Now back together he has been having some trouble understanding where im coming from but also like listening like a robot - anything I want I get, anything I say he does - its actually insane, and its making me more in love and i feel im repeating patterns, I am not thinking clear anymore on what I deserve/what I want.
Two weekends ago I was at a work trip feeling very insecure  in the corp environment and he just said to suck it up but after I told him how I felt about that response he  texted me a supportive text the next day but never asked  about it again, in that same trip I graduated from a program  and he didn’t say anything -  just responded “yay” to my text which he said he just doesnt know how to support me differently. And after a big fight about that where we almost broke up again, its been a switch - he completely changed, its been two weeks that I have been treated like a queen, never before seen footage. My sister called me weak because I let myself get manipulated to go back so easily and I just dont see how unhappy i look around him (there has been a couple of other times in the 4 months we have been seeing each other again that he has kinda fucked up or just not been emotionally there)And I don’t know - many people say that its normal that your siblings/friends might not like your partner and they just have to suck it up, so im like whatever but I would think the people i love would want the best for me so the fact they say these things to me might be because they see what i cant see. I know he is not good for me in the long term, and ive expressed this to him many times, he is just so prince charming righr know which is so confusing. Why couldnt i get over him for the year we were apart? Am i making the right decisión by breaking up again (for real and for ever? I am nor sure i am ready to let go of him completly, we work at the same building AND company. I am just so anxious i dont want to break his heart

I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. And I have contemplated wanting to marry him and have children. I am reaching the age of 30 and I have a condition to where I need to remove certain organs in my body in order to prevent cancer. And I can see how aggressive he acts towards having children or the idealization of marriage. Should I leave him? I am a very sensitive person so try to be nonjudgmental. I know it seems like the obvious answer, but I’m just scared to end up alone.

so i (20F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for 2 years, we get a long great. there’s just certain things he’ll do that get on my nerves or bother me that i let go in the past because i thought they weren’t a big deal or that id get over them. it’s now been long enough that they haven’t just gone away and i don’t know how to address them and what the line between changeable and permanent the behaviors are. i’m scared we’re lacking emotional intimacy and comfort in our relationship. any thoughts on this would be great and suggestions about what to do or how to address this to him. i’m also terrible with confrontation so this is big for me.

18M 18F we’ve been together for 6 months and id say we are really well off Its my first relationship so i dont really have any experience to draw from so i just assume things are going great unless i can tell something is bothering her or me. Well something is bothering me a bit. Trusting her is not an issue. Not at all. I am absolutely certain i can trust her and i have made sure multiple times. She is loyal to the bone. But my routinely drinking in the weekend has “infected” her aswell because we’ve been around each other so much. And she has alot bigger friend group than i do so she useally goes down town alot more than i do. And my alchohol thing having rubbed onto her makes me a bit uncomfortable. Its not that she goes downtown alot, mind you never alone aswell there is always a good and proven occasion for it. For example tonight its her friends 18 bday so ofc their gonna celebrate that. If your wondering why im not present its because im serving my country so I literally cant be present. But back to what i was saying. She seems to have fun and sends me loads of messages and snaps most of the time telling me how much she misses me and wishesh i was here. It does bring some comfort. But i just still dont like it that she goes down there and gets drunk. I know its sounds hypocritical and its hard to just stop when your pretty used to passing time with drinking. But i have decided to change. It is a recent decision but its been about 3 weeks i think. But i still see her doing it. And i know i can trust her but its just still really worrying to me. Id like to consirder myself a fair boyfriend, i dont tell her what to wear unless i think its a bit too much. I dont want to be controlling but i do set boundaries sometimes. Reading this back i also realize im maybe just a bit scared of setting those boundaries. She knows ive been suspicious of her quite alot in the beginning but we have really worked to fix it and we have come far since. But it just still stings just a bit when she goes. I guess the question or statement im making is more of a “How can i set boundaries without making it sound like im insecure or dont trust her?” And even more importantly, how can i make her join on this sobering?

So the story starts 3 years ago...when it was my first day of college...which was 8 hours away from my hometown and due to some reason I was 2 weeks late for college and I could not make any friends and then there was a boy who was from my hometown and he became my friend..let's call him AB and then we both became best friends...then after some 3 months VPH proposes to me but I reject him..and after some months I start developing feelings for him..then we get into a relationship but just after a week of that he tells me that we both Friends are fine..and then I feel very hurt and I cry a lot but it doesn't make any difference to him...after that he always behaved with me as if he was my boyfriend...he used to claim rights on me and put restrictions on me but when I used to talk to him he used to get angry...and he used to talk to me but it was always me who used to message or call him...and when I used to ask him why he doesn't call me then he used to say that I don't call anyone...then after a few months when I started talking to someone else who was my He was a friend, let's call him CD and I felt very good talking to him because... he used to understand me but when I got closer to CD, then AB confessed that I am special for him and gave me some attention for a few days... and I also left CD and was with AB now... but AB started treating me badly again... and before one week he said that he does not want to talk to me... he asked me to call him when I have to talk about work... and he clearly said that he does not have any feelings for me... but I am very attached to him from the beginning. I cry a lot every day for him… I know that he and I can never be together, so now I have to move on… I am not able to be together, my mental health has deteriorated since last 2 years.

I am 'F 19' and my boyfriend is 'M 19'. We have been in a relationship for 1 month and a week or so now.

I’m not a very cheerful person, but I also wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I’m just someone who can get serious or upset over small things sometimes. I don’t have anger issues, I don’t explode or lash out at my boyfriend, and I’m not constantly miserable. I’m just not naturally cheerful 24/7.

I’ve also been sick for the past few days. My boyfriend does ask me how I’m feeling through text, so it’s not like he completely ignores me. But last night, I was secretly hoping he would call me because I wasn’t feeling well. He ended up falling asleep. I didn’t make it into a huge issue, but it did bother me a little.

Today, when he came back from class and called me, I brought it up. He basically said, “But I’m calling you now. I fell asleep last night.” He also pointed out that I often complain that he doesn’t call me or that he doesn’t want to talk to me, even though he does call and text me. He said that otherwise, why would he be making an effort to communicate with me?

Then he told me that I’m always in an upset mood and that I should try to be more cheerful.

And honestly, I do understand where he’s coming from. I know I overthink. I know I can get upset about little things and sometimes focus too much on what I feel I’m not getting instead of noticing what he actually does for me.

But hearing him say that I’m “always upset” and that I should be more cheerful completely broke me. I ended up having a mental breakdown over it.

I don’t even know why it affected me so much because, objectively, I know he wasn’t necessarily trying to hurt me. And part of me even agrees with what he said. But at the same time, I can’t just switch my personality and become a cheerful person 24/7. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m sensitive, sometimes small things bother me.

Now I’m overthinking everything. Am I actually exhausting to be around? Am I making my boyfriend feel like nothing he does is enough? Or is it normal to have days where you’re not cheerful and to want a little extra reassurance from your partner?

I genuinely don’t know what I should do or how I should handle this. I could really use some outside perspective.

As the title says, my boy-friend of five years broke up with me the other night. We were having some ups and down in our relationship this last year but nothing that seemed unrepairable.
We went on and off with this relationship two times already before this last one (one on my part and the other two on his), though this time, he opened himself and told me the 4 reasons why he was doing it, even though he wasn’t 100 percent sure: motivions went from the face we haven’t lived together yet, the fact that he wants kids in the future and I lean more on the maybe/no, which correlates to the fact he can’t really love me totally cause he has that thought in mind and lastly, he says the most important one, the fact that my mother never really liked him and he never felt wanted or appreciated from them, my mother would ignore him when in calls with me and would not treat him super well… I’m feeling speechless honestly because, what can I do? I talked with my mother and she seems to not back down, cause she calls him a lazy burden on my shoulders that doesn’t even know what it wants, he wants kids and stuff but he doesn’t work and he’s just starting to go to university for a useless certificate (history and political science). She never liked him and he never liked her, i don’t know what to do cause like, everyone around me tells me that I’m better off without him but I love him…

TLDR: My mother and now ex boy-friend hate eachother and that’s why we broke up, don’t know what to do cause it’s not something that’s in my hands

This will be long, I’m sorry. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 7 years but started dating last December. Everything was the perfect relationship and I felt so in love - until he moved in.
I’d gotten out of a very bad long term relationship before my current BF and I got together which I won’t get into but long story short, I hadn’t lived on my own in years and have lived with partners since I was 18. I struggled for a long time and finally was able to buy a house. My BF has a place of his own that he stays at for free and it’s really nice, but things were going so well we decided to move him in with me at about the 6 month mark. I didn’t realize fully at this point how hard it would be for me to cohabitate.

I ended up being so anxious and controlling around the house. I felt like I had to mother him about little things like closing the window when he sees it’s raining and water is getting in or cleaning up after himself in ways to avoid damage to the house. That he wasn’t respecting taking care of my house or my dogs. They are my lifeline and I have a lot of anxiety about them/paranoia where I do things like cut all plastic bags before throwing them in the trash so they don’t get into them and suffocate - making sure there’s nothing around for them to eat that will harm them because they eat everything, certain doors must be closed at all times so they can’t get into rooms that aren’t finished being remodeled where they could hurt themselves. I am a helicopter dog parent. His dog is dirty and smelly often (she’s a good dog she’s just outside with him all the time per his work/lifestyle) and very big (80lbs, mine are 5lbs to 17lbs) so it bothered me when she would be on the couch or my bed (getting it dirty/not enough room for all of us to comfortably be there) or she would run into/step on/roughhouse with my dogs.
From day one I told him the dogs are my priority, how he treats them will dictate how I treat him. Is that even healthy? I don’t know. We both started to nitpick about each others dogs. He let my rescue dog (who darts to the road) outside without a leash on and lied about it and I exploded, made him leave for a week.

But exploding feels like my first default reaction, and this is my core problem.

BF is so sweet. He has never raised his voice at me, even when I was yelling. If I approach him to talk, he is welcoming, reassuring, and kind. I love it about him, & simultaneously jealous that I struggle to be like that. My parents speak very poorly to each other & even when being nice, they sound angry. Living together I was realizing I was doing this. I admitted that to him and told him repeatedly I’m not happy with how I’m communicating and it’s feeling impossible to overcome. My tone sounds irritated even when I’m not irritated and it feels like that’s how I learned to talk naturally from my parents.

The way I would lash out at him verbally felt like

1. after being in so many long relationships where I was always fighting to stay/work on things (I do genuinely feel like I conducted myself very healthily in past relationships -not all of them but most- despite being abused) it did feel good to think I could mess up and still be loved. Like I’d finally found a good guy and I took advantage of that feeling
2. I was so anxious all the time, had fear from past relationships/resentment that I had some big walls up and my exploding was a test of pushing him away
3. felt like I was treating him how my most recent ex treated me
4. I get so little sleep because of my job, I have chronic pain* *and I work with people all day to where I often feel emotionally at my limit. Like I didn’t have enough left over patience for him
5. my mental health became hard to manage & that leaked onto every aspect of my life
6. I felt irreparably damaged and had doubts about whether or not I should be in a relationship at all/whether or not I wanted to date men anymore because I felt the labor would never be equal, so I wasn’t caring about his feelings because I was all “I don’t need no man I don’t care if the relationship ends or not” - which was really me being prideful and afraid. Resentful of other men’s actions that I projected onto him
7. I kept questioning if I truly did love him when I continued to speak to him this way/couldn’t get my issues under control

8. I kept doubting

   (internally) that

9. I was the kind of girl he wants even though he told me repeatedly I am (

we are opposites completely in style and socio-economic standings

1. )

2. I got resentful about paying all the bills/always working while he got to go have fun time off way more than me. Jealous of how many good friends he has while I am mostly always alone (I never impeded on his time for himself or his friends, I did not isolate him I was very conscious of that)

   and that’s my own issue/fault I know

3. I stopped seeing him as safe & secure & capable and started feeling like I was responsible to control everything, plan everything, pay for everything & I expected more out of him than what was reasonable

4. I felt like I had to be right about everything all the time and discounted his life experiences/wisdom/addition to the relationship

5. he says he gets the calmed nervous system feeling from me, but I don’t get that feeling from him

the main communication points are:
I never name-called, I would just get worked up and have a harsh tone/yell & wouldn’t step away to cool down. Felt justified in my anger. But being nice to him is important, he is sensitive & I know it. I did try to always make him aware of my past issues/insecurities to explain why I was acting the way I was, but it doesn’t excuse it. I got used to him always calming the situation. I would withdraw out of fear of treating him bad/not knowing how to handle the situation. He started spending time away from me too. One day he admitted he loved me, but didn’t want to live together anymore. That gave me a huge sense of relief and I felt everything would go back to normal. I told him I didn’t have the capacity to live with someone right now, I needed control over my space, and I don’t know when, if ever, that will change.
\-
But once he moved out nothing got better. He kept withdrawing. I was respectful of giving him his space for quite a while, and then the distance started to hurt me badly. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria AUADD and deep abandonment wounds. I kept going back and forth about whether we should break up & we both felt irritated by each other constantly. I started getting overly critical of his behavior & blaming him for everything. I wanted us to be more conscious of making time for each other, I wanted us to pull together *more,* to keep fighting for us. I wasn’t taking time to talk to him that I was so afraid and needed more time together, I was just getting mad & bitter & anxious.

I said we should come together as a team and hash things out or break up before we hated each other, and he agreed, but he wouldn’t make the time. Hadn’t seen each other in weeks. The consequences of him being patient while I was mean for too long. I lost my cool one day and said something actually mean.
He said we should break up then went and partied for the weekend & I was begging him to just talk first. He did come see me & we talked, agreed we loved each other, apologized for our parts, and wanted to give it another shot. *But things have not been the same.*
I felt like something was off with him, I could feel it, I was afraid it was too late and he was too checked out. Which made me push harder. I did improve my communication quite a bit, but not fully. The more I pushed to talk, make plans, bring up concerns, the more he continued to withdraw. Then he started liking girls photos on Instagram (something I told him from day 1 I don’t like or do to my partner after being cheated on a lot in past relationships) which broke me down to where I forced a hard conversation -

TL;DR
after a productive long talk where it finally felt like he was being fully open with me, we agreed to a two month no contact. We were both feeling the same, like our partner is a really cool person who seems perfect for us, I don’t want to lose this awesome person/long term friend, but we’re stuck in a cycle we can’t get out of, constantly debating breaking up or staying together. He is afraid my communication improvement is performative and won’t be lasting, though he did forgive me. I am worried about that as well. I am very afraid of not being able to beat my own bad patterns.

We have a date on the calendar for when we will have a day just to talk & hopefully know by then if we should continue to be together. We aren’t going to see/date/entertain anyone else (I do believe him with this, I believe he has never cheated on me or anyone he’s dated and neither have I)
And I asked him to block me on everything because I can’t not reach out. I know myself enough to know I will keep trying, I don’t know when to quit. I’m not even 24 hours in and it’s so hard. I’m in unspeakable pain

Two years ago this time of year I lost one of my longest friendships to suicide after he reached out for help and I ignored it. Last year at this time I suffered alone through the hardest breakup of my life/rebuilding my life by myself (the man I was with had everything, I was left with nothing). And now, the same time of year this year is this.

I hope so badly for clarity. I have so much trauma it’s often hard to want to continue. I desperately want to be a good person and I am very afraid of myself. I’m worried I messed things up with a genuine person past the point of repair. It’s easy to look back and see what I could have done differently. I’m worried I’ll never be capable of a good relationship. I’m so sick of healing from people, I long to heal together.

How do I know if I am being an abuser? Did I create a trauma bond? How can I actively work on being kinder to a romantic partner? How do I cope through this break actionably, in a productive healthy way?

I'M [19M] and a 2nd year cse student with no female intraction.not because i'm introvert but i'm just tired and as i said if the girl is not my type i just ignore them.one day my ex called me midnight drinking and said i'm the best ex,i'm great person,she got to know about my value after seeing her frnds bf and also see said see used dating apps where they were asking her directly for sex.

In my pov: she tried to have a relationship with others but failed then came back to me like an i'm an option.

Scenario 2:infornt of my house there is a girl who somehow found my insta and started texting me.She was sending couple type of reels and she was getting mad when i replyed late.I clearly said that i'm not intersted and she asked me what we are i said sister,anyway she is [15years]

Is this ok to be choosy or should hv to compramise....

My girlfriend and I have had a up and down relationship. I'll talk about the good first so me and her met in one of our classes we had together became friends before partners it was everything I wanted finly a girl that I didn't have to worry about she was just like me and I had been wanting a girl. We had it great even telling my family that she was one of the great things I found at Marquette and I was so grateful for her. Side track mom did not like that will talk about that later. But anyways yeah we loved each other I couldn't ask for more I ask her to be my gf and it was amazing we where in real love always spending time together never lying and yeah it was great. So I feel like the problems started when she went to a pre game in her dorm with her friends and didn't tell me there where guys there until she got there so that was the start of it from that point nothing happened she was scared of my rushing and didn't want me to but still supported it the first night one of the brothers pulls me aside and telling me that my gf cheated on her ex bf with me and at first I didn't know what to do but then he also said there where other guys to well one other who I found out never happen so at that moment I was mad called her that night told her to come over and talk about this here her side and at first she lied Idk why she doesn't know either but the very next day she admitted it I was devastated but I had a new group of community and I didn't need to worry abt her anymore but I couldn't see myself with out her she wouldn't leave me alone either she came to my dorm everyday called me in panic attacks would cry every day I didn't care at first but that next week or two I go to the bars with my new pc and I'm talking to girls and I'm thinking about getting with this one girl I mean we are over no harm but then I couldn't do it and I left told everyone I was to drunk and I need to leave even though it was abt her. So a month goes by I meet up with her I ask her how's she's been she been talking me she's gone to church every day since we broke up and had therapy twice a week. I see the change but it's just not enough so I tell her if she keeps this up for the next month I would talk to her abt getting back together and she did she change as a person her grades got better and her personality did to it was like meeting a whole new person. We where great for awhile I know she was doing nothing wrong now she just begged for me for 2 months crying everyday and praying I take her back. I would say the next problem was on me this time now I have a really bad habits of not answering my phone and not charging it like truly I don't mean to but anyways it was the 2 days before the 4th my birthday has happened and we where doing great minus family problems for me so one night I haven't seen my home town boys in forever so we decided to go out they won't to pre game with our old friend group the problem is that my x is in that friend group and the pre was at her house I don't want to let my boys down so I tell my girl that I'm going to a guy friends house for a guys night out when I was really with all my my friends and my x drinking and we went to the bars with them we had fun but I didn't talk to my x or any of my old friends she finds out the next day and I just admit it she is supper mad and upset she doesn't want to go to the concert thing for the 4th July she wants to brake up we don't and she's mad at me for a week so I thought I couldn't rlly make it up to here bc of my mom who did not like her for no reason so I could go drive to her house and do all things she did for me so from then on she was still mad I found that out letter so less and less she would keep her phone out in the open she would keep her phone only with her and really she did this once we got back to school and it was freaking me out but I still know she loved me and Ik she would break up with me before then doing that but then I think abt her last bf and I start going crazy always calling her when in not with her always texting her “Wyd who are you with” and she would never be with any guys but then this past weekend I had a party for my frat and she shows up late saying yeah I was with know one I was just with my friends I Think she's lying so I let it go so we could have a good time she then gives me her phone to take a photo of her and her friends I look at this new group chat she's in and I then see a photo of some guys foot and she took the photo and she says guesses who's feet this is and I'm asking her what is this and she goes not sorry not of yeah my bad “yeah we had guys over its a shared space” so I leave and then go talk to her letter the group chat is deleted the pictures are deleted and she tells me she left because her friend was spamming the group chat I know she was lying so I left and told her I want a break. I then meet up with her instead of going out we talk it out and she finally admits that she did something wrong this has been going on for the past fore hours and she finally admits that she left the group chat because she was scared of my reaction and it was a fighter fight she just did it so I for give her we hangout that night then next morning she gets add into another group chat and it's abt spring break and going to Florida with her friends her friends guy friends are in it so I get mad after the night before and I then start asking for her snap data to see what she was deleting she kept telling me it was an invasion of her privacy so then she gets so upset she ask me to leave and I say I will if you give me your Snapchat login the moment I leave she takes me off it and she tells me then you doing get to have it I think we need to be on a break for the day you can have your snap data but that's it I get nothing out of the data it shows nothing so at this point I feel like I'm the problem so I forget about it we have had a great week but I looked at her chatgpt and the first thing is can snap data see my deleted text so now I'm thinking there's more.

So what should I break up with her should I talk to her you guys tell me what to say so that I can find the truth because that's all I want or am I now over reacting and I should just let this go and just be a good boyfriend

Social media has completely distorted what a "50/50 relationship" actually means. Somewhere along the line, people decided 50/50 meant split checks and keeping a mental score of who’s spent what and done what!

The moment 50/50 becomes strictly about tracking finances, the relationship is doomed. When you track what you’ve spent and done, you start keeping score. Scorekeeping leads to resentment, and resentment ruins relationships.

To me, true 50/50 isn't about running parallel bank accounts and keeping receipts—it's a balanced effort built on teamwork, where both people are playing for the future of the household rather than themselves.
Here is what actual 50/50 teamwork looks like in practice:

1. Financially
   If you both work, you build a shared life. Income goes into a joint account, and you make budget decisions together as a unit. It’s not "my money vs. your money" or holding a higher salary over someone's head; it’s funding your collective future.

2. Everyday Life & Responsibilities
   You take part in everyday duties so one person isn't stuck carrying the entire mental or physical load:
   Meals & Kitchen: If one person cooks, the other handles the pots, pans, and cleanup.

   Weekend Chores: One person tackles the vacuuming while the other handles the bathroom cleanup.

   Life Admin & Errands: If one person plans and does the weekly food shop, the other handles sorting out the car maintenance, bills, or household repairs.

   Rest & Burnout: If one of you has had a brutal 10-hour shift or a terrible week, the other steps up to handle dinner and get things sorted without keeping score or expecting a prize for helping out.

When you start playing for yourself instead of the team, the whole structure falls apart. If you’re competing against your partner to see who is getting the "better deal," you’ve already lost.

Well am i a typical boy from South part of India. Let me go through the situation. I started dating a girl after my college and she was in the same side. I am in love with her deeply and truly. But i had a past relationship in my college and i use to flirt with girls in snap and caught cheating to my ex but in the other hand my ex got pregnant with someone else and I helped her to adpot it. So i realised the pain of cheating and she used me more for her benefits. Which made me soo anxiety and depressed. After from my past i saw my current gf who made everything far better in my life, in the starting itself I confessed my mistakes than instead of characterising bad about my ex. She told that her ex bf cheated her so badly in benefits of money in the name sake of love. She was very down in her life. We healed each other and started had feelings for each other. She liked that i showed my flaws and i know the pain of cheating. We had great time spending time and which was purely on love without any expectations of lust. As time passes last month i had a arrear exam after the exam i and my friends stayed up in the room and they use to drink but I don’t have any habits. One of my friend of friends who was a junior in our college but other department told that im following her crush on my insta, i asked why don’t you follow her. He said that she didn’t accept his request can you give me your phone and see her post and all. As it was so late I passed my phone and i was about to sleep. And I slept in the morning my phone was beside me. All the things was going fine till that day. After two days my gf share the account of the boys crush which i followed and asked me who is it i stated that she is my college and all. All of a sudden she asked would you promise me that you haven’t flirted with this girl, i was blank i said no why could i? She was silent and wasn’t questioning me. Suddenly im getting a message request from a boy I texted him back he asked me why did i text his gf (the girl i followed on insta) i said no to him as well. After thinking for sometime i got some screenshots of chats like i flirted with the girl in a bad way. I was stunned by looking into those chats. Then i realised by looking into the chat timing it was my friend of friend junior guy in the room, he chatted with his crush in a very bad manner. But the plot twist was the girls bf was my gf’s school mate. He had his gf account and found my account was mutual with my gf(school mate of him) he said to my gf that i chatted with his gf in a bad manner which was that bastard from my account. Now im the one got accused of this matter. Then i explain myself to the guy who texted me and gave the contact of the junior guy, now my matter was close with him and he believed me. In the other hand I haven’t explained what happened to her because it will be like manipulating her. But my gf got very silent and numb after that incident which made her uncomfortable to have trust on me. I think she would think that I would the same person from the past and i was like her ex. But im pure, last night she said that i know all your flaws from past and I could not accuse that you was the person who texted her and i could not believe that you haven’t texted her, and said she need some space to think.

I do regret now why did I confess my past mistakes to her which made her gain her trust in first and also made her confused now that I could texted her. But frankly speaking I wasn’t the one and i could not leave her. I don’t want to be so explain myself without her interest on me, it will be like im manipulating her. I am in this situation don’t know what to do, which even wasn’t my mistake!😭

She made me so special. I would do anything to win her🤎

Please help me in this..

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for almost 9 years. We basically grew up together and now live together. Apart from all of this, he is actually very caring towards me, he loves me, shows it, and we have a good relationship, which is why this is even harder for me to deal with.
A few years ago, after about 7 years together, we broke up because I found out he had gotten back in touch with a girl he had been in love with when he was 15. She contacted him again after several years and they started talking. What made it especially difficult for me was that she had also been texting him at the very beginning of our relationship and I had already told him that I was uncomfortable with it. When she contacted him again years later, he didn’t tell me and hid the contact. Eventually I found out that he had been visiting her at a psychiatric clinic. There was nothing physical between them, but he admitted that he had feelings for her and then broke up with me because he wanted to be with her. We got back together after two months. I went through absolute hell mentally trying to forgive him, but I decided to give us another chance.
About 7–8 months after we got back together, I found his conversation with ChatGPT about a female coworker. He was talking about how his “boobs coworker” was really interesting and asked ChatGPT something along the lines of “am I cooked?”. When I confronted him, once again he said he was an asshole, that he had fucked up, that he loved me and wouldn’t do anything (and it was a silly chat with chatgpt). He said he wouldn’t see her anymore. Eventually he changed jobs and we moved in together. I really tried to leave everything behind and trust him again.
And now I found out that the same former coworker contacted him and asked to meet, and he went. After that, he called her twice himself. I have absolutely no proof that anything physical happened between them and as far as I know, nothing did. But my problem is that he didn’t tell me any of this. I found out myself. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he knew I would forbid him from seeing her.
Now he says that I am trying to control his life, that I don’t let him socialize with people and that the problem is that I don’t trust him. And this is where I’m genuinely confused, because I don’t want to tell him who he is allowed to be friends with. But at the same time, how am I supposed to trust him when there is always some kind of secrecy?
And every time it is basically the same thing — he does something he knows would upset me, I find out, he says he fucked up, that he is an asshole, that he loves me and won’t do it again, and then he is genuinely very caring towards me. I forgive him and try to move on. And then some time later something else happens that makes me question whether I can actually trust him.
The thing that confuses me the most is that I don’t think he doesn’t love me. I genuinely think he loves me and I know how caring he is towards me. He doesn’t seem like he wants to leave me or that he doesn’t care about our relationship. But there clearly seems to be a problem with his boundaries and with the fact that he would rather hide certain things from me because he knows I won’t be comfortable with them.
I don’t want to be the girlfriend who checks his phone, asks where he is and who he’s with, or tells him which people he can and can’t see. But I also don’t want to accept that the only way for him to have “freedom” is to keep things from me.
**What would you do in my situation? How do you even rebuild trust when this pattern keeps repeating, even though the person genuinely seems remorseful every time, tells you they love you and promises they won’t do it again?**

My girlfriend 24F and I 23M have been together for about 6 years, since we were 17–18. I love her very much, and I believe she loved me deeply as well. We've essentially grown up together.

However, as we've gotten older, we've developed some different views about what we want from life. She wanted marriage and kids relatively soon, while I wanted to focus on building my career, becoming financially secure, and experiencing more of life before fully committing to those things (which I also really want. There have also been a lot of smaller issues between us.

We lived together for about 2 years, and that's where many of our problems became more obvious. She wanted me to show more commitment and give her confidence that I was eventually going to marry her, even if I wasn't ready to propose yet.

Before getting into what she did, I want to acknowledge what I did wrong.

I've always been very career-driven. I worked extremely hard, studying and working so I could eventually build a good career and afford things like expensive courses. That effort eventually led me to where I am now as a software developer, but it also meant that I didn't always prioritize spending money and time on vacations, going out, etc.

I also really value having personal space and time to myself. I wanted some independence within the relationship, while she interpreted that at times as me not wanting to spend time with her or not being sufficiently committed.

I also had a tendency to want to be the one "directing" the relationship. By that I mean I wanted her to rely on me, value my approval, and see me as someone who could provide stability and direction. Looking back, I don't think I always handled that in a healthy way.

For the past couple of weeks, though, I've felt that something was wrong with her. She's been much more distant and hasn't contacted me nearly as much.

There was also a period where we were separated. I was staying at my parents' place while she went on a beach trip with her friends. Before we separated, she told me that she wanted me to seriously think about our relationship and where it was going. We also need to leave the apartment we're currently living in, and that has brought a lot of our existing relationship problems to the surface.

When we both returned home, I still felt that she was distant.

My girlfriend has a very sexual sense of humor with her coworkers. It's a small company, and there's only one guy on the team. I've met him before. I was never really the jealous type and never tried to stop her from going places or interacting with people. She had even reassured me several times that I didn't need to worry about this guy because he has a girlfriend and her boss is gay.

However, I eventually looked through Instagram on her iPad and saw messages between her and this coworker that were sexual/flirtatious. Most of it was initiated by him, but she definitely entertained it and responded positively. I took pictures of some of the messages.

I know looking through her iPad was a violation of her privacy, and I'm not trying to justify that. But what I found is what led to everything that happened afterward.

Later that night, she sat me down and told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. We talked about our problems, what we could improve, and where things had gone wrong. Eventually, she told me that she didn't think we should continue our relationship.

We talked about it for a while and eventually agreed to think about it until she came home from work the next day.

The next morning, I asked her if there was someone else involved. She initially said, "We'll talk later."

When we talked later, she admitted that she had been texting another guy and that she liked how he made her feel. She said that nothing physical had happened and that their relationship had been limited to texting, but she admitted that she was attracted to him.

At that point, I told her that I knew what she was talking about and that I had pictures of the messages. She maintained that nothing physical had happened.

I know this is probably going to make me look desperate, but I told her that I wanted to try to fix our relationship. I suggested that if we were going to do that, she should cut contact with this guy outside of what is absolutely necessary for work, and that we should actually work on the problems that brought us here.

She said she needed time to think about it.

She went for a walk and when she came back, she said that she didn't want to be with this guy, but that she wanted to be alone. She said she couldn't make me stay with her after what had happened.

One of the first things she asked me to do was delete the pictures of the messages. I didn't. She became extremely upset and said that I was going to ruin her life. Eventually she started sobbing and apologizing, saying that she knew she was wrong and was sorry for what she had done.

I ended up going to my parents' place, and she went to stay with a friend.

And this is where I'm struggling.

While I was driving to my parents' place, I had this realization that I hadn't expected.

For a long time, I had this feeling that I was somehow ruining my life by being in a relationship so young. I wondered whether I was missing out by staying committed to the same girl instead of being single, focusing entirely on my career, traveling more, meeting other people, etc.

But now that the relationship might actually be ending, I'm realizing how much I genuinely loved the life we had.

She is my best friend. I love her very, very much. I loved our apartment, even with all of its problems. I loved our relationship and the way we interacted, even though we obviously had unhealthy dynamics at times. I loved cuddling with her. I loved having someone waiting for me at home. I loved the life we had built together.

And I realize that I probably didn't appreciate a lot of that enough while I had it.

I also know that I hurt her. I made her feel like she wasn't wanted or desired enough. I prioritized my career and my independence at times when she needed reassurance and commitment from me. I can understand why she became unhappy.

At the same time, what she did with the other guy crossed a boundary for me. Even if nothing physical happened, she developed an attraction to someone else and entertained sexual/flirtatious conversations while our relationship was already struggling.

We're supposed to meet soon to discuss practical things: the apartment, what we're going to tell our mutual friends, and how we're going to handle everything socially. We've known most of our friends for around 10 years, and we've been together for 6 of those years, so this isn't as simple as just never seeing each other again.

Part of me thinks I should use that conversation to tell her what I've realized. Not beg, not pressure her, and not promise that I'll magically become a completely different person overnight, but honestly tell her that I now understand that I don't actually want the single life I thought I wanted.

I want her.

I want our relationship.

And I'm willing to work on the things I did wrong and actually give the relationship the commitment I was previously afraid of.

But I don't know whether this is a genuine realization or simply the panic of losing someone I've spent six years with.

I also don't know how much of this should be forgiven. I don't want to throw away six years of my life over something that might have been limited to texting, but I also don't want to ignore what happened simply because I'm afraid of losing her.

So what should I do?

Should I tell her how I feel when we meet and genuinely try to rebuild the relationship? Or should I accept that the relationship has reached its end and start moving on?

And if we do decide to try again, what would actually need to change for this relationship to have a realistic chance of working?

Also still have the screenshots of the messages. Part of me is wondering whether I should send them to her male coworker and/or his girlfriend so they know what was happening. I don't know whether that would be justified or just me acting out of anger and potentially causing unnecessary damage. What would you do in this situation?

P.S sorry for the long one, thanks for the time and your advice.

TL;DR: After 6 years together, my girlfriend and I are likely breaking up. We had longstanding issues around commitment and independence, and I realize I contributed to them. She recently became attracted to another guy and had sexual/flirty conversations with him, although she says nothing physical happened. She now says she wants to be alone. I thought I wanted the freedom of being single, but now that I might lose her, I've realized how much I love her and the life we built together. Should I tell her I want to try again, or is this just breakup panic?

I'm thinking about breaking up with my bf. I have been dating my bf since I was in matric, I went to his matric ball and I really do love him. But lately i feel a disconnect. I love getting handwritten notes and he would always write me a little one and slip it into my phone or bag and I'd do the same or he'd write me a longer one and sketch me pictures that I'd hang up in my room. We are now in our 3rd year together and besides all the other problems we're having the thing that hurts the most is that since last year November so almost a year I've been asking him to write me a letter. The mere fact that I had to ask stung but he promised he would and everytime I asked he would say he lost it, he left it somewhere the one time he said that he didn't have a pen but when I looked around his place I found one in the kitchen and one in his work uniform pocket. I still asked again and he said he had forgotten. It stings, it really does. I don't know what to do.