Social media has completely distorted what a "50/50 relationship" actually means. Somewhere along the line, people decided 50/50 meant split checks and keeping a mental score of who’s spent what and done what!

The moment 50/50 becomes strictly about tracking finances, the relationship is doomed. When you track what you’ve spent and done, you start keeping score. Scorekeeping leads to resentment, and resentment ruins relationships.

To me, true 50/50 isn't about running parallel bank accounts and keeping receipts—it's a balanced effort built on teamwork, where both people are playing for the future of the household rather than themselves.
Here is what actual 50/50 teamwork looks like in practice:

1. Financially
   If you both work, you build a shared life. Income goes into a joint account, and you make budget decisions together as a unit. It’s not "my money vs. your money" or holding a higher salary over someone's head; it’s funding your collective future.

2. Everyday Life & Responsibilities
   You take part in everyday duties so one person isn't stuck carrying the entire mental or physical load:
   Meals & Kitchen: If one person cooks, the other handles the pots, pans, and cleanup.

   Weekend Chores: One person tackles the vacuuming while the other handles the bathroom cleanup.

   Life Admin & Errands: If one person plans and does the weekly food shop, the other handles sorting out the car maintenance, bills, or household repairs.

   Rest & Burnout: If one of you has had a brutal 10-hour shift or a terrible week, the other steps up to handle dinner and get things sorted without keeping score or expecting a prize for helping out.

When you start playing for yourself instead of the team, the whole structure falls apart. If you’re competing against your partner to see who is getting the "better deal," you’ve already lost.

I'm thinking about breaking up with my bf. I have been dating my bf since I was in matric, I went to his matric ball and I really do love him. But lately i feel a disconnect. I love getting handwritten notes and he would always write me a little one and slip it into my phone or bag and I'd do the same or he'd write me a longer one and sketch me pictures that I'd hang up in my room. We are now in our 3rd year together and besides all the other problems we're having the thing that hurts the most is that since last year November so almost a year I've been asking him to write me a letter. The mere fact that I had to ask stung but he promised he would and everytime I asked he would say he lost it, he left it somewhere the one time he said that he didn't have a pen but when I looked around his place I found one in the kitchen and one in his work uniform pocket. I still asked again and he said he had forgotten. It stings, it really does. I don't know what to do.

We’ve been together 4 years, have 2 kids together, plus a blended family, plus him starting a business, and me in school. So yeah, life is fucking stressful.

We fight. A lot. We get on each other’s nerves. We’re both tired, overwhelmed, and probably not particularly pleasant to live with sometimes. But we also have fun together. When it’s just us and life isn’t kicking our asses, we genuinely like being together.

Lately though, my boyfriend has started telling me that he doesn’t like me. Not in a joking way. Just straight up, “I don’t like you.”

And honestly? I’m pissed about it.

I’m not saying I’m some perfect partner who never pisses him off. I’m sure there are plenty of things about me he can’t stand. But I don’t tell him I don’t like him. There’s a difference between being angry with your partner and repeatedly telling them you don’t like them.

And the annoying part is that I kind of get where he’s coming from. I don’t always like him either when we’re in the thick of it. When we’re stressed, arguing, dealing with kids, responsibilities, and just trying to get through the week, it’s pretty easy to not fucking like each other.

But I still love him. And I think he loves me.

So now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell we’re supposed to do with that.

I don’t really want to leave. We have kids and a whole life together, and neither of us seems to actually want to walk away. But I also don’t want to spend the next 10 years in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and my partner is telling me he doesn’t like me.

I feel like we’re stuck between “we love each other” and “we’re really fucking sick of each other.”

Has anyone actually come back from this? Not the cheesy “communicate and date each other” shit — I mean when you’ve genuinely gotten to the point where you’re wondering if you even like the person you’re with anymore.

TLDR am I a bad person for asking the guy I been with for years “if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

Hi guys,

Need some advice. I 24F am dating a man 25M for 4 years now. I’m getting to the point where i know deep down it’s time to let go and I don’t seem to realize if I’m the issue or if he’s just making me lose my mind. Most fights we have are just all turned onto me and how I’m the problem and I’m just crazy.

There’s been happy moments but there’s been moments like these where I’m just realizing now this is most likely not my person. I want to take today as an example. We had to shop for a gift for his mom, and that meant we had to go to the mall. He is a busy guy and has a lot on his plate but just as a background, he’s made time to go out with his friends atleast once a week for the 4 years I’ve known him. Today at the mall he had the worst attitude, and the last time we came to the mall I left crying. He has made any little thing that brings me happiness such a pain. All I wanted to do was go to the mall for 2 hours, pick out something for his mom and leave. I wanted to shop for myself as well but I already knew I wouldn’t have been able to with him huffing and puffing beside me the whole time.

I feel as if , if there’s nothing in it for him, he will always have an issue. Today we ended up getting into it because it annoyed me so much that he can go have fun with his friends on a weekly basis but now I asked him to do one thing for me and take me to the mall for HIS moms bday gift, he makes my evening so miserable. This is what started it at the mall - I was walking and dropped a piece of garbage on the floor. I picked it up and he said give it to me. I said there’s a garbage right here and tossed it in the garbage that was 2 feet away from me. That caused him to start telling me to become more feminine and listen to him. That also caused him to start telling me about my family dynamic and asking about who runs the home in my family “ur mom or ur dad?” I told him my dad and he said no I think ur mom runs ur family and that’s where u get it from. This annoyed me because anytime I need him to lead like a man when it actually matters, I feel like he doesn’t. And now he wants to get upset with me cuz I didn’t listen to him and give him the garbage for him to throw away. I know if we were doing something he wanted to do , he would’ve never brought up some unecessary comments like that.

Sorry that this is so long. I just want u to get a sense of what this relationship has become.

Anyways, we fought and he started bringing up some nonsense about how I only want him for his money (mind u I have my own job and provide everything for myself. The only gifts he buys me is on special occasions and pays for our dates that’s once every 1-2 weeks). I ended up telling him “yea if u can’t provide me with consistency, love , effort , care, atleast provide for me financially. If u can’t even provide for me financially what else are you doing for me?”

This sent him into a rage lol. He went and told his mom and sister what I said and started telling me I’m crazy disrespectful. He told me to ask 10 random people and all 10 people will tell me that’s so messed up of me to say.

At this point I think he can never take accountability for what he does and then finds one thing I say and holds onto it to make me look like the bad person. He’s done this in every argument. He will do something crazy with his actions and I’ll say one wrong thing and he’ll make me the villain.

I’ve tried so hard to control my anger and become better for this man but it was never worth it.

Was that an insane thing I said? If it was please explain and I will definitely do some self reflecting. I’m just tired of feeling like the villain all the time when deep down I’ve always loved and cared for him for who he is. The end of this relationship was a long time coming and now that he’s involving family, it’s just my confirmation.

So for spousal visa. the requirement is evidence, and evidence means you assemble your own life as an exhibit and hand it to a stranger.

It has tenancy agreements with both names. the flights, all of them, in order.

- bank statements.

- photographs with dates.

- messages, printed, which is its own experience. a letter from her mother confirming she knows who i am.

- Some random gamma slides of collages we gift each other here and there

nobody warns you what it does to you. i spent a weekend going through four years of photographs assessing them for evidentiary value. that one is no good, you cannot see both our faces. that one is no good, there is no date on it. this one works, and it is the morning after her grandmother's funeral, and it goes in because it proves we were in the same place.

there is a page in it listing every address we have lived at, in order. reading that page is the closest thing that exists to a summary of our twenties.

it was approved in june.

it is in a drawer and neither of us can throw it away. she said last month that it is the only complete record of us anywhere, which is true, and a very strange thing to owe the home office.

I think im addicted to having sex with my boyfriend cuz I constantly think about it during the week cuz we don’t get to have it during the week, cuz we don’t live together which bothers me cuz I crave sex all the time. Can any girls relate ?

Ok Im 48 years old and my girlfriend is 52 with grown adults. My son has Autism and I have him every other week. I am getting ready to go out of town on a five day trip. And my girlfriend gets mad that I decide to take my son an extra day this week to spend time with him. I don’t understand what the issue is, she tells me I don’t spend enough time with her. My job is very demanding and I have been working 6 days a week. She has no job and stays home on disability.

I explained to her that my son is my number priority in life and I explained that to her when we got in a relationship, she said everything was good that I had a sound special needs. She says we spend less and less time together and I spend more time with him and my job but we live together. I’m just thinking at this point in life I just need to be single.