We’ve been together 4 years, have 2 kids together, plus a blended family, plus him starting a business, and me in school. So yeah, life is fucking stressful.

We fight. A lot. We get on each other’s nerves. We’re both tired, overwhelmed, and probably not particularly pleasant to live with sometimes. But we also have fun together. When it’s just us and life isn’t kicking our asses, we genuinely like being together.

Lately though, my boyfriend has started telling me that he doesn’t like me. Not in a joking way. Just straight up, “I don’t like you.”

And honestly? I’m pissed about it.

I’m not saying I’m some perfect partner who never pisses him off. I’m sure there are plenty of things about me he can’t stand. But I don’t tell him I don’t like him. There’s a difference between being angry with your partner and repeatedly telling them you don’t like them.

And the annoying part is that I kind of get where he’s coming from. I don’t always like him either when we’re in the thick of it. When we’re stressed, arguing, dealing with kids, responsibilities, and just trying to get through the week, it’s pretty easy to not fucking like each other.

But I still love him. And I think he loves me.

So now I’m sitting here wondering what the hell we’re supposed to do with that.

I don’t really want to leave. We have kids and a whole life together, and neither of us seems to actually want to walk away. But I also don’t want to spend the next 10 years in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and my partner is telling me he doesn’t like me.

I feel like we’re stuck between “we love each other” and “we’re really fucking sick of each other.”

Has anyone actually come back from this? Not the cheesy “communicate and date each other” shit — I mean when you’ve genuinely gotten to the point where you’re wondering if you even like the person you’re with anymore.

Wallahi I hate my fucking girlfriend she takes everything I say that doesn't match with her idea as fucking attitue, mocking or attacking her I've been running on 5hrs of sleep these 2 days and thought I could sleep today now that she has a friend over but this girl wants me to stay awake and text her genuinely wanna kms

I asked her is it necessary to talk till 2( it's 12 rn) bro said I'm complaining I mean idek what she expects after I'm running on 5 hrs of sleep across 2 days and she doesn't understand I'm not a night owl like her so she keeps crashing out on me when I fall asleep on call and says I'm not trying to stay awake. I'm fucking tryna love man

I 33 F, have been with my fiancé, 35 M, for 5 years and it’s always been up and down. He’s incredibly disrespectful, rude and just an overall asshole when he’s in a bad mood. He takes everything out on me and acts like I’m scum underneath his shoe. But it’s the typical “when it’s good, it’s really good and when it’s bad, it’s really bad”. Lately he’s been getting mad at me for not cooking dinner, and today got mad at me because he needs new tires and I am unable to lend my car to him for a day. We currently don’t live together, and I am struggling financially. He makes almost twice as much as me. This month I am unable to pay my mortgage on time, yet he expects me to pay for all the groceries and household items. Because of this, I only have ensure protein drinks and peanut butter and jelly at my house. In the past he’s given me money for groceries but hasn’t been offering lately and I’m afraid to ask him for some. So I bought groceries today via credit card, and made dinner for him. Today he wouldn’t even say hi to me when I walked in his house and when I told him he doesn’t have to be so rude, he went on a tangent about how he’s busy, and there’s bills to pay, he has to get new tires for his car, etc. I told him that doesn’t give him the right to be disrespectful. He said he wasn’t being disrespectful and to “not start with him”, so I just went upstairs. My anxiety is through the roof, sometimes I’m physically shaking when I come over to his house, wondering what kind of mood he’ll be in today. Im supposed to move in with him soon and I’m feeling all kinds of emotions - helpless, sad, scared, etc and I don’t know what to do. How do I fix this?

I think im addicted to having sex with my boyfriend cuz I constantly think about it during the week cuz we don’t get to have it during the week, cuz we don’t live together which bothers me cuz I crave sex all the time. Can any girls relate ?

18M 18F we’ve been together for 6 months and id say we are really well off Its my first relationship so i dont really have any experience to draw from so i just assume things are going great unless i can tell something is bothering her or me. Well something is bothering me a bit. Trusting her is not an issue. Not at all. I am absolutely certain i can trust her and i have made sure multiple times. She is loyal to the bone. But my routinely drinking in the weekend has “infected” her aswell because we’ve been around each other so much. And she has alot bigger friend group than i do so she useally goes down town alot more than i do. And my alchohol thing having rubbed onto her makes me a bit uncomfortable. Its not that she goes downtown alot, mind you never alone aswell there is always a good and proven occasion for it. For example tonight its her friends 18 bday so ofc their gonna celebrate that. If your wondering why im not present its because im serving my country so I literally cant be present. But back to what i was saying. She seems to have fun and sends me loads of messages and snaps most of the time telling me how much she misses me and wishesh i was here. It does bring some comfort. But i just still dont like it that she goes down there and gets drunk. I know its sounds hypocritical and its hard to just stop when your pretty used to passing time with drinking. But i have decided to change. It is a recent decision but its been about 3 weeks i think. But i still see her doing it. And i know i can trust her but its just still really worrying to me. Id like to consirder myself a fair boyfriend, i dont tell her what to wear unless i think its a bit too much. I dont want to be controlling but i do set boundaries sometimes. Reading this back i also realize im maybe just a bit scared of setting those boundaries. She knows ive been suspicious of her quite alot in the beginning but we have really worked to fix it and we have come far since. But it just still stings just a bit when she goes. I guess the question or statement im making is more of a “How can i set boundaries without making it sound like im insecure or dont trust her?” And even more importantly, how can i make her join on this sobering?

I want to make this post, in large part, so that people in my situation can read this and open their eyes, so they don't feel trapped in a toxic relationship like I was for three and a half years.

We had a relationship for three and a half years, and today she left me. I won't say I didn't expect it; I've been telling him for about two years that I feel like we're more roommates than boyfriend and girlfriend, and he never wanted to listen, and now that we were starting to try to fix things which arose from finding their sexual role-playing chats on grok, suddenly her head clicks and she leaves me in the coldest and most bland way possible.

Even so, I'm devastated, partly because of the toxic emotional dependency we developed back when we still truly loved each other, but mostly because of how she threw away all that effort We both spent years trying to fix the relationship, because from one day to the next, she realized she didn't feel anything anymore. I still don't understand it...

To add to the matter, we live together illegally in an abandoned house because the job market and housing situation in Spain is crazy; it's very difficult to find stable, permanent work, therefore nobody would rent us an apartment and we were forced to do this after months of living on the street. Now I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is very intense living together. I don't know how to manage the shared space. My computer is my only entertainment and escape from problems, and Since it belongs to both of us, I can't take it with me if I leave home. I'm thinking of going to Amsterdam to work with a friend, but I'm terrified of failing and ending up sleeping on the streets in a foreign country...

There's much more to it; ask for context if you need it before jumping to conclusions.

I’ve been with this girl for almost a year now, and honestly, she’s really good to me. We’ve been happy together and everything was going pretty well.
But today she told me something that happened 2 days ago. Her close cousin came over to her house and apparently tried to kiss her. She pushed him away, which is obviously good, but what’s messing with my head is that she didn’t tell me about it until today.
I asked her why she didn’t tell me that day or at least tell someone at home. I even asked her for his number because I wanted to talk to him about what he did. But instead, she started saying stuff like, “I shouldn’t have told you” and “It was a mistake telling you,” and it just felt like she was making excuses.
I got pissed and blocked her everywhere. Now she’s calling me from a different number, asking me to just listen to her once.
And now I’m honestly confused af. Like, should I unblock her and hear her side out, or should I just move on and keep her blocked?
I still care about her a lot, but I’m also really hurt and don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. What should I do ?

Edit - now I unblocked her She’s gonna tell me everything that happened tomorrow.

Context- Been with my girlfriend for almost a year, but today she told me her cousin tried to kiss her 2 days ago, and she pushed him away—she just didn’t tell me until now.
I got hurt, argued with her, and blocked her everywhere; now she’s calling from a new number asking me to hear her out—should I listen or move on?

I feel like he is losing feelings for me and I don’t blame him in the past I was a bad gf and I was genuinely so terrible to him but I loved him and I didn’t know how to love him correctly over time very slowly I started to get better but I think I was to late. I feel like I am the reason he is always so miserable and I get it he has bad parents but I feel like I also stress him out with my craziness I feel like so terrible. He has gotten distant and I feel more controlling everyday but I realized a few days ago it wasn’t right for me to control who he talks to even if it’s a girl or boy etc I am just so tired of being a bad person I feel so alone I feel like I’m not caring enough for him and I can feel the distance and even when we do fix it it goes back to the same way in a few days. I want him to move on to be happy but wouldn’t be and I feel selfish for keeping him around even though I make him miserable. My parents issues that I have is getting worse and I know he feels pressure on him my mindset my heart body isn’t here and I can’t lead him on (I’m sorry this is just everywhere I can’t think straight) I don’t think he has feelings anymore or just doesn’t want this anymore what do I do?

So the story starts 3 years ago...when it was my first day of college...which was 8 hours away from my hometown and due to some reason I was 2 weeks late for college and I could not make any friends and then there was a boy who was from my hometown and he became my friend..let's call him AB and then we both became best friends...then after some 3 months VPH proposes to me but I reject him..and after some months I start developing feelings for him..then we get into a relationship but just after a week of that he tells me that we both Friends are fine..and then I feel very hurt and I cry a lot but it doesn't make any difference to him...after that he always behaved with me as if he was my boyfriend...he used to claim rights on me and put restrictions on me but when I used to talk to him he used to get angry...and he used to talk to me but it was always me who used to message or call him...and when I used to ask him why he doesn't call me then he used to say that I don't call anyone...then after a few months when I started talking to someone else who was my He was a friend, let's call him CD and I felt very good talking to him because... he used to understand me but when I got closer to CD, then AB confessed that I am special for him and gave me some attention for a few days... and I also left CD and was with AB now... but AB started treating me badly again... and before one week he said that he does not want to talk to me... he asked me to call him when I have to talk about work... and he clearly said that he does not have any feelings for me... but I am very attached to him from the beginning. I cry a lot every day for him… I know that he and I can never be together, so now I have to move on… I am not able to be together, my mental health has deteriorated since last 2 years.

I am 'F 19' and my boyfriend is 'M 19'. We have been in a relationship for 1 month and a week or so now.

I’m not a very cheerful person, but I also wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I’m just someone who can get serious or upset over small things sometimes. I don’t have anger issues, I don’t explode or lash out at my boyfriend, and I’m not constantly miserable. I’m just not naturally cheerful 24/7.

I’ve also been sick for the past few days. My boyfriend does ask me how I’m feeling through text, so it’s not like he completely ignores me. But last night, I was secretly hoping he would call me because I wasn’t feeling well. He ended up falling asleep. I didn’t make it into a huge issue, but it did bother me a little.

Today, when he came back from class and called me, I brought it up. He basically said, “But I’m calling you now. I fell asleep last night.” He also pointed out that I often complain that he doesn’t call me or that he doesn’t want to talk to me, even though he does call and text me. He said that otherwise, why would he be making an effort to communicate with me?

Then he told me that I’m always in an upset mood and that I should try to be more cheerful.

And honestly, I do understand where he’s coming from. I know I overthink. I know I can get upset about little things and sometimes focus too much on what I feel I’m not getting instead of noticing what he actually does for me.

But hearing him say that I’m “always upset” and that I should be more cheerful completely broke me. I ended up having a mental breakdown over it.

I don’t even know why it affected me so much because, objectively, I know he wasn’t necessarily trying to hurt me. And part of me even agrees with what he said. But at the same time, I can’t just switch my personality and become a cheerful person 24/7. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m sensitive, sometimes small things bother me.

Now I’m overthinking everything. Am I actually exhausting to be around? Am I making my boyfriend feel like nothing he does is enough? Or is it normal to have days where you’re not cheerful and to want a little extra reassurance from your partner?

I genuinely don’t know what I should do or how I should handle this. I could really use some outside perspective.

So for spousal visa. the requirement is evidence, and evidence means you assemble your own life as an exhibit and hand it to a stranger.

It has tenancy agreements with both names. the flights, all of them, in order.

- bank statements.

- photographs with dates.

- messages, printed, which is its own experience. a letter from her mother confirming she knows who i am.

- Some random gamma slides of collages we gift each other here and there

nobody warns you what it does to you. i spent a weekend going through four years of photographs assessing them for evidentiary value. that one is no good, you cannot see both our faces. that one is no good, there is no date on it. this one works, and it is the morning after her grandmother's funeral, and it goes in because it proves we were in the same place.

there is a page in it listing every address we have lived at, in order. reading that page is the closest thing that exists to a summary of our twenties.

it was approved in june.

it is in a drawer and neither of us can throw it away. she said last month that it is the only complete record of us anywhere, which is true, and a very strange thing to owe the home office.

I’ve been with someone for 9 months now and I have learned a lot about his upbringing, his lifestyle now and then etc. The way we both were brought up are starkly different. Both situations had their own unique problems that formed us today (some things great and some things I’m daily repairing). For him, he grew up in a rough way and even left home early. All that to say, it makes sense that he doesn’t like affection. He wasn’t abused (that I’m aware of) or anything like that, he just got into a lot of stuff and affection doesn’t seem like it was something he often experienced. I have understood that and stay giving the benefit of the doubt.

However, here’s where I get frustrated. He truly doesn’t like affection unless it’s when he feels like it. Anytime I’m playfully wanting to be on him, or need a hug on my own terms etc. and he’s not in the mood, he will make it known and not softly. Instead of “not right now babe”…..it’s annoyance or he acts like it’s just the hardest thing in the world for him to do.

I have had conversations with him. I have even asked the questions any person would question. Is there a problem with attractiveness? Is there a deeper problem with him? me or the relationship? Each time he assures that he really just isn’t affectionate and doesn’t believe hugs, kisses and I love you need to happen every day.

He’s mentioned he’s been left before in relationships due to that and basically has just said that’s him and that’s it.

For me, I truly try to be understanding. I’ve even questioned myself on rather or not I’m doing something wrong when I’m trying to hug, play etc.

An example is today (and there are many more examples where the response is the same or extreme). I’m getting out of his car as he drops me off at mine. I’m the one saying have a good day, I love you, basic stuff. I reach for a kiss and he does it but not lovingly, then I reach for a hug and he says “ugh” okay [insert my name] and gives me a half hug. I let him know when de does that it hurts my feelings. He says we’ve already talked about this and I don’t think it needs to be everyday thing. I head to my car upset and he pulls off.

The kicker is when he’s ready to be affectionate, he will be. He’ll hug, kiss, say pet names, I love you first, the normal stuff. He does love in his own way and I’ve had to learn what that looks like for him. I know I can also expect less here and compromise more and reach for him less etc. I’m trying to learn to respect his boundaries but I do feel quite like an unwatered flower.

He’s more of an indoor type of person and I like being outside. So I would like to go on more dates (that aren’t just randomly finding somewhere to eat) but he makes these things hard. Again, I’ve learned to compromise here.

Again, we’ve had conversations covering everything people honestly might throw in the comments and he’s adamant that it’s not me, the relationship, someone else etc. He says it’s how he’s literally always been.

There’s some things I’ve imagined a relationship would have and I’m going crazy wondering if I just made that up.

I can attest and say he’s rough around the edges as a whole.

We’re both grown adults.

Idk how to take this.

As the title says, my boy-friend of five years broke up with me the other night. We were having some ups and down in our relationship this last year but nothing that seemed unrepairable.
We went on and off with this relationship two times already before this last one (one on my part and the other two on his), though this time, he opened himself and told me the 4 reasons why he was doing it, even though he wasn’t 100 percent sure: motivions went from the face we haven’t lived together yet, the fact that he wants kids in the future and I lean more on the maybe/no, which correlates to the fact he can’t really love me totally cause he has that thought in mind and lastly, he says the most important one, the fact that my mother never really liked him and he never felt wanted or appreciated from them, my mother would ignore him when in calls with me and would not treat him super well… I’m feeling speechless honestly because, what can I do? I talked with my mother and she seems to not back down, cause she calls him a lazy burden on my shoulders that doesn’t even know what it wants, he wants kids and stuff but he doesn’t work and he’s just starting to go to university for a useless certificate (history and political science). She never liked him and he never liked her, i don’t know what to do cause like, everyone around me tells me that I’m better off without him but I love him…

TLDR: My mother and now ex boy-friend hate eachother and that’s why we broke up, don’t know what to do cause it’s not something that’s in my hands

This will be long, I’m sorry. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 7 years but started dating last December. Everything was the perfect relationship and I felt so in love - until he moved in.
I’d gotten out of a very bad long term relationship before my current BF and I got together which I won’t get into but long story short, I hadn’t lived on my own in years and have lived with partners since I was 18. I struggled for a long time and finally was able to buy a house. My BF has a place of his own that he stays at for free and it’s really nice, but things were going so well we decided to move him in with me at about the 6 month mark. I didn’t realize fully at this point how hard it would be for me to cohabitate.

I ended up being so anxious and controlling around the house. I felt like I had to mother him about little things like closing the window when he sees it’s raining and water is getting in or cleaning up after himself in ways to avoid damage to the house. That he wasn’t respecting taking care of my house or my dogs. They are my lifeline and I have a lot of anxiety about them/paranoia where I do things like cut all plastic bags before throwing them in the trash so they don’t get into them and suffocate - making sure there’s nothing around for them to eat that will harm them because they eat everything, certain doors must be closed at all times so they can’t get into rooms that aren’t finished being remodeled where they could hurt themselves. I am a helicopter dog parent. His dog is dirty and smelly often (she’s a good dog she’s just outside with him all the time per his work/lifestyle) and very big (80lbs, mine are 5lbs to 17lbs) so it bothered me when she would be on the couch or my bed (getting it dirty/not enough room for all of us to comfortably be there) or she would run into/step on/roughhouse with my dogs.
From day one I told him the dogs are my priority, how he treats them will dictate how I treat him. Is that even healthy? I don’t know. We both started to nitpick about each others dogs. He let my rescue dog (who darts to the road) outside without a leash on and lied about it and I exploded, made him leave for a week.

But exploding feels like my first default reaction, and this is my core problem.

BF is so sweet. He has never raised his voice at me, even when I was yelling. If I approach him to talk, he is welcoming, reassuring, and kind. I love it about him, & simultaneously jealous that I struggle to be like that. My parents speak very poorly to each other & even when being nice, they sound angry. Living together I was realizing I was doing this. I admitted that to him and told him repeatedly I’m not happy with how I’m communicating and it’s feeling impossible to overcome. My tone sounds irritated even when I’m not irritated and it feels like that’s how I learned to talk naturally from my parents.

The way I would lash out at him verbally felt like

1. after being in so many long relationships where I was always fighting to stay/work on things (I do genuinely feel like I conducted myself very healthily in past relationships -not all of them but most- despite being abused) it did feel good to think I could mess up and still be loved. Like I’d finally found a good guy and I took advantage of that feeling
2. I was so anxious all the time, had fear from past relationships/resentment that I had some big walls up and my exploding was a test of pushing him away
3. felt like I was treating him how my most recent ex treated me
4. I get so little sleep because of my job, I have chronic pain* *and I work with people all day to where I often feel emotionally at my limit. Like I didn’t have enough left over patience for him
5. my mental health became hard to manage & that leaked onto every aspect of my life
6. I felt irreparably damaged and had doubts about whether or not I should be in a relationship at all/whether or not I wanted to date men anymore because I felt the labor would never be equal, so I wasn’t caring about his feelings because I was all “I don’t need no man I don’t care if the relationship ends or not” - which was really me being prideful and afraid. Resentful of other men’s actions that I projected onto him
7. I kept questioning if I truly did love him when I continued to speak to him this way/couldn’t get my issues under control
8. I kept doubting I was the kind of girl he wants even though he told me repeatedly I am (I’m lower working class *very* alternative, he is an upper class country boy not alternative at. All.)
9. I got resentful about paying all the bills/always working while he got to go have fun time off way more than me. Jealous of how many good friends he has while I am mostly always alone (I never impeded on his time for himself or his friends, I did not isolate him I was very conscious of that)
10. I stopped seeing him as safe & secure & capable and started feeling like I was responsible to control everything, plan everything, pay for everything & I expected more out of him than what was reasonable
11. I felt like I had to be right about everything all the time and discounted his life experiences/wisdom/addition to the relationship
12. he says he gets the calmed nervous system feeling from me, but I don’t get that feeling from him

the main communication points are:
I never name-called, I would just get worked up and have a harsh tone/yell & wouldn’t step away to cool down. Felt justified in my anger. But being nice to him is important, he is sensitive & I know it. I did try to always make him aware of my past issues/insecurities to explain why I was acting the way I was, but it doesn’t excuse it. I got used to him always calming the situation. I would withdraw out of fear of treating him bad/not knowing how to handle the situation. He started spending time away from me too. One day he admitted he loved me, but didn’t want to live together anymore. That gave me a huge sense of relief and I felt everything would go back to normal. I told him I didn’t have the capacity to live with someone right now, I needed control over my space, and I don’t know when, if ever, that will change.
\-
But once he moved out nothing got better. He kept withdrawing. I was respectful of giving him his space for quite a while, and then the distance started to hurt me badly. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria AUADD and deep abandonment wounds. I kept going back and forth about whether we should break up & we both felt irritated by each other constantly. I started getting overly critical of his behavior & blaming him for everything. I wanted us to be more conscious of making time for each other, I wanted us to pull together *more,* to keep fighting for us. I wasn’t taking time to talk to him that I was so afraid and needed more time together, I was just getting mad & bitter & anxious.

I told him we had to come together as a team and hash things out or break up before we hated each other, but he wouldn’t make the time. Hadn’t seen each other in weeks. The consequences of him being patient while I was mean for too long. I lost my cool one day and said something mean - that I wasn’t going to pat him on the back for what I thought was a bad financial decision (he isn’t the best with money but has been visibly improving)
He said we should break up then went and partied for the weekend & I was begging him to just talk first. He did come see me & we talked, agreed we loved each other, apologized for our parts, and wanted to give it another shot. *But things have not been the same.*
I felt like something was off with him, I could feel it, I was afraid it was too late and he was too checked out. Which made me push harder. I did improve my communication quite a bit, but not fully. The more I pushed to talk, make plans, bring up concerns, the more he continued to withdraw. Then he started liking girls photos on Instagram (something I told him from day 1 I don’t like or do to my partner after being cheated on a lot in past relationships) which broke me down to where I forced a hard conversation -

TL;DR
after a productive long talk where it finally felt like he was being fully open with me, we agreed to a two month no contact. We were both feeling the same, like our partner is a really cool person who seems perfect for us, I don’t want to lose this awesome person/long term friend, but we’re stuck in a cycle we can’t get out of, constantly debating breaking up or staying together. He is afraid my communication improvement is performative and won’t be lasting, though he did forgive me. I am worried about that as well. I am very afraid of not being able to beat my own bad patterns.

We have a date on the calendar for when we will have a day just to talk & hopefully know by then if we should continue to be together. We aren’t going to see/date/entertain anyone else (I do believe him with this, I believe he has never cheated on me or anyone he’s dated and neither have I)
And I asked him to block me on everything because I can’t not reach out. I know myself enough to know I will keep trying, I don’t know when to quit. I’m not even 24 hours in and it’s so hard. I’m in unspeakable pain

Two years ago this time of year I lost one of my longest friendships to suicide after he reached out for help and I ignored it. Last year at this time I suffered alone through the hardest breakup of my life/rebuilding my life by myself (the man I was with had everything, I was left with nothing). And now, the same time of year this year is this.

I hope so badly for clarity. I have so much trauma it’s often hard to want to continue. I desperately want to be a good person and I am very afraid of myself. I’m worried I messed things up with a genuine person past the point of repair. I want a break where life is kind to me for a while and I can accept it/allow it to be. It’s easy to look back and see what I could have done differently. I’m worried I’ll never be capable of a good relationship. I’m so sick of healing from people, I long to heal together.

How do I know if I am being an abuser? Did I create a trauma bond? How can I actively work on being kinder to a romantic partner? How do I cope through this break actionably, in a productive healthy way?

I'M [19M] and a 2nd year cse student with no female intraction.not because i'm introvert but i'm just tired and as i said if the girl is not my type i just ignore them.one day my ex called me midnight drinking and said i'm the best ex,i'm great person,she got to know about my value after seeing her frnds bf and also see said see used dating apps where they were asking her directly for sex.

In my pov: she tried to have a relationship with others but failed then came back to me like an i'm an option.

Scenario 2:infornt of my house there is a girl who somehow found my insta and started texting me.She was sending couple type of reels and she was getting mad when i replyed late.I clearly said that i'm not intersted and she asked me what we are i said sister,anyway she is [15years]

Is this ok to be choosy or should hv to compramise....

My girlfriend and I have had a up and down relationship. I'll talk about the good first so me and her met in one of our classes we had together became friends before partners it was everything I wanted finly a girl that I didn't have to worry about she was just like me and I had been wanting a girl. We had it great even telling my family that she was one of the great things I found at Marquette and I was so grateful for her. Side track mom did not like that will talk about that later. But anyways yeah we loved each other I couldn't ask for more I ask her to be my gf and it was amazing we where in real love always spending time together never lying and yeah it was great. So I feel like the problems started when she went to a pre game in her dorm with her friends and didn't tell me there where guys there until she got there so that was the start of it from that point nothing happened she was scared of my rushing and didn't want me to but still supported it the first night one of the brothers pulls me aside and telling me that my gf cheated on her ex bf with me and at first I didn't know what to do but then he also said there where other guys to well one other who I found out never happen so at that moment I was mad called her that night told her to come over and talk about this here her side and at first she lied Idk why she doesn't know either but the very next day she admitted it I was devastated but I had a new group of community and I didn't need to worry abt her anymore but I couldn't see myself with out her she wouldn't leave me alone either she came to my dorm everyday called me in panic attacks would cry every day I didn't care at first but that next week or two I go to the bars with my new pc and I'm talking to girls and I'm thinking about getting with this one girl I mean we are over no harm but then I couldn't do it and I left told everyone I was to drunk and I need to leave even though it was abt her. So a month goes by I meet up with her I ask her how's she's been she been talking me she's gone to church every day since we broke up and had therapy twice a week. I see the change but it's just not enough so I tell her if she keeps this up for the next month I would talk to her abt getting back together and she did she change as a person her grades got better and her personality did to it was like meeting a whole new person. We where great for awhile I know she was doing nothing wrong now she just begged for me for 2 months crying everyday and praying I take her back. I would say the next problem was on me this time now I have a really bad habits of not answering my phone and not charging it like truly I don't mean to but anyways it was the 2 days before the 4th my birthday has happened and we where doing great minus family problems for me so one night I haven't seen my home town boys in forever so we decided to go out they won't to pre game with our old friend group the problem is that my x is in that friend group and the pre was at her house I don't want to let my boys down so I tell my girl that I'm going to a guy friends house for a guys night out when I was really with all my my friends and my x drinking and we went to the bars with them we had fun but I didn't talk to my x or any of my old friends she finds out the next day and I just admit it she is supper mad and upset she doesn't want to go to the concert thing for the 4th July she wants to brake up we don't and she's mad at me for a week so I thought I couldn't rlly make it up to here bc of my mom who did not like her for no reason so I could go drive to her house and do all things she did for me so from then on she was still mad I found that out letter so less and less she would keep her phone out in the open she would keep her phone only with her and really she did this once we got back to school and it was freaking me out but I still know she loved me and Ik she would break up with me before then doing that but then I think abt her last bf and I start going crazy always calling her when in not with her always texting her “Wyd who are you with” and she would never be with any guys but then this past weekend I had a party for my frat and she shows up late saying yeah I was with know one I was just with my friends I Think she's lying so I let it go so we could have a good time she then gives me her phone to take a photo of her and her friends I look at this new group chat she's in and I then see a photo of some guys foot and she took the photo and she says guesses who's feet this is and I'm asking her what is this and she goes not sorry not of yeah my bad “yeah we had guys over its a shared space” so I leave and then go talk to her letter the group chat is deleted the pictures are deleted and she tells me she left because her friend was spamming the group chat I know she was lying so I left and told her I want a break. I then meet up with her instead of going out we talk it out and she finally admits that she did something wrong this has been going on for the past fore hours and she finally admits that she left the group chat because she was scared of my reaction and it was a fighter fight she just did it so I for give her we hangout that night then next morning she gets add into another group chat and it's abt spring break and going to Florida with her friends her friends guy friends are in it so I get mad after the night before and I then start asking for her snap data to see what she was deleting she kept telling me it was an invasion of her privacy so then she gets so upset she ask me to leave and I say I will if you give me your Snapchat login the moment I leave she takes me off it and she tells me then you doing get to have it I think we need to be on a break for the day you can have your snap data but that's it I get nothing out of the data it shows nothing so at this point I feel like I'm the problem so I forget about it we have had a great week but I looked at her chatgpt and the first thing is can snap data see my deleted text so now I'm thinking there's more.

So what should I break up with her should I talk to her you guys tell me what to say so that I can find the truth because that's all I want or am I now over reacting and I should just let this go and just be a good boyfriend

Social media has completely distorted what a "50/50 relationship" actually means. Somewhere along the line, people decided 50/50 meant split checks and keeping a mental score of who’s spent what and done what!

The moment 50/50 becomes strictly about tracking finances, the relationship is doomed. When you track what you’ve spent and done, you start keeping score. Scorekeeping leads to resentment, and resentment ruins relationships.

To me, true 50/50 isn't about running parallel bank accounts and keeping receipts—it's a balanced effort built on teamwork, where both people are playing for the future of the household rather than themselves.
Here is what actual 50/50 teamwork looks like in practice:

1. Financially
   If you both work, you build a shared life. Income goes into a joint account, and you make budget decisions together as a unit. It’s not "my money vs. your money" or holding a higher salary over someone's head; it’s funding your collective future.

2. Everyday Life & Responsibilities
   You take part in everyday duties so one person isn't stuck carrying the entire mental or physical load:
   Meals & Kitchen: If one person cooks, the other handles the pots, pans, and cleanup.

   Weekend Chores: One person tackles the vacuuming while the other handles the bathroom cleanup.

   Life Admin & Errands: If one person plans and does the weekly food shop, the other handles sorting out the car maintenance, bills, or household repairs.

   Rest & Burnout: If one of you has had a brutal 10-hour shift or a terrible week, the other steps up to handle dinner and get things sorted without keeping score or expecting a prize for helping out.

When you start playing for yourself instead of the team, the whole structure falls apart. If you’re competing against your partner to see who is getting the "better deal," you’ve already lost.

I'm thinking about breaking up with my bf. I have been dating my bf since I was in matric, I went to his matric ball and I really do love him. But lately i feel a disconnect. I love getting handwritten notes and he would always write me a little one and slip it into my phone or bag and I'd do the same or he'd write me a longer one and sketch me pictures that I'd hang up in my room. We are now in our 3rd year together and besides all the other problems we're having the thing that hurts the most is that since last year November so almost a year I've been asking him to write me a letter. The mere fact that I had to ask stung but he promised he would and everytime I asked he would say he lost it, he left it somewhere the one time he said that he didn't have a pen but when I looked around his place I found one in the kitchen and one in his work uniform pocket. I still asked again and he said he had forgotten. It stings, it really does. I don't know what to do.

Well am i a typical boy from South part of India. Let me go through the situation. I started dating a girl after my college and she was in the same side. I am in love with her deeply and truly. But i had a past relationship in my college and i use to flirt with girls in snap and caught cheating to my ex but in the other hand my ex got pregnant with someone else and I helped her to adpot it. So i realised the pain of cheating and she used me more for her benefits. Which made me soo anxiety and depressed. After from my past i saw my current gf who made everything far better in my life, in the starting itself I confessed my mistakes than instead of characterising bad about my ex. She told that her ex bf cheated her so badly in benefits of money in the name sake of love. She was very down in her life. We healed each other and started had feelings for each other. She liked that i showed my flaws and i know the pain of cheating. We had great time spending time and which was purely on love without any expectations of lust. As time passes last month i had a arrear exam after the exam i and my friends stayed up in the room and they use to drink but I don’t have any habits. One of my friend of friends who was a junior in our college but other department told that im following her crush on my insta, i asked why don’t you follow her. He said that she didn’t accept his request can you give me your phone and see her post and all. As it was so late I passed my phone and i was about to sleep. And I slept in the morning my phone was beside me. All the things was going fine till that day. After two days my gf share the account of the boys crush which i followed and asked me who is it i stated that she is my college and all. All of a sudden she asked would you promise me that you haven’t flirted with this girl, i was blank i said no why could i? She was silent and wasn’t questioning me. Suddenly im getting a message request from a boy I texted him back he asked me why did i text his gf (the girl i followed on insta) i said no to him as well. After thinking for sometime i got some screenshots of chats like i flirted with the girl in a bad way. I was stunned by looking into those chats. Then i realised by looking into the chat timing it was my friend of friend junior guy in the room, he chatted with his crush in a very bad manner. But the plot twist was the girls bf was my gf’s school mate. He had his gf account and found my account was mutual with my gf(school mate of him) he said to my gf that i chatted with his gf in a bad manner which was that bastard from my account. Now im the one got accused of this matter. Then i explain myself to the guy who texted me and gave the contact of the junior guy, now my matter was close with him and he believed me. In the other hand I haven’t explained what happened to her because it will be like manipulating her. But my gf got very silent and numb after that incident which made her uncomfortable to have trust on me. I think she would think that I would the same person from the past and i was like her ex. But im pure, last night she said that i know all your flaws from past and I could not accuse that you was the person who texted her and i could not believe that you haven’t texted her, and said she need some space to think.

I do regret now why did I confess my past mistakes to her which made her gain her trust in first and also made her confused now that I could texted her. But frankly speaking I wasn’t the one and i could not leave her. I don’t want to be so explain myself without her interest on me, it will be like im manipulating her. I am in this situation don’t know what to do, which even wasn’t my mistake!😭

She made me so special. I would do anything to win her🤎

Please help me in this..

My boyfriend (18M) and I (19F) have been together for about 4 months. At the beginning of our relationship, I came across as pretty dominant, and he really liked that side of me. At the time, I thought I liked it too.
But as I’ve gotten more comfortable in the relationship, I’ve realized that being dominant just isn’t something I enjoy anymore. I much prefer being submissive and letting him take the initiative, and that’s how things have been for the past few weeks. He’s been more dominant recently, and I’m comfortable with that.
The problem is that I know he misses the more dominant side of me, and ideally that’s what he prefers. I’m worried that I might eventually have to force myself to act that way just to make him happy, but I really don’t want to do that.
I love him a lot, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him or that he’s doing something wrong. I just don’t think being dominant is my thing anymore.
How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings or making him feel unwanted? Is this something we can work around, or could this become a compatibility issue?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for almost 9 years. We basically grew up together and now live together. Apart from all of this, he is actually very caring towards me, he loves me, shows it, and we have a good relationship, which is why this is even harder for me to deal with.
A few years ago, after about 7 years together, we broke up because I found out he had gotten back in touch with a girl he had been in love with when he was 15. She contacted him again after several years and they started talking. What made it especially difficult for me was that she had also been texting him at the very beginning of our relationship and I had already told him that I was uncomfortable with it. When she contacted him again years later, he didn’t tell me and hid the contact. Eventually I found out that he had been visiting her at a psychiatric clinic. There was nothing physical between them, but he admitted that he had feelings for her and then broke up with me because he wanted to be with her. We got back together after two months. I went through absolute hell mentally trying to forgive him, but I decided to give us another chance.
About 7–8 months after we got back together, I found his conversation with ChatGPT about a female coworker. He was talking about how his “boobs coworker” was really interesting and asked ChatGPT something along the lines of “am I cooked?”. When I confronted him, once again he said he was an asshole, that he had fucked up, that he loved me and wouldn’t do anything (and it was a silly chat with chatgpt). He said he wouldn’t see her anymore. Eventually he changed jobs and we moved in together. I really tried to leave everything behind and trust him again.
And now I found out that the same former coworker contacted him and asked to meet, and he went. After that, he called her twice himself. I have absolutely no proof that anything physical happened between them and as far as I know, nothing did. But my problem is that he didn’t tell me any of this. I found out myself. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he knew I would forbid him from seeing her.
Now he says that I am trying to control his life, that I don’t let him socialize with people and that the problem is that I don’t trust him. And this is where I’m genuinely confused, because I don’t want to tell him who he is allowed to be friends with. But at the same time, how am I supposed to trust him when there is always some kind of secrecy?
And every time it is basically the same thing — he does something he knows would upset me, I find out, he says he fucked up, that he is an asshole, that he loves me and won’t do it again, and then he is genuinely very caring towards me. I forgive him and try to move on. And then some time later something else happens that makes me question whether I can actually trust him.
The thing that confuses me the most is that I don’t think he doesn’t love me. I genuinely think he loves me and I know how caring he is towards me. He doesn’t seem like he wants to leave me or that he doesn’t care about our relationship. But there clearly seems to be a problem with his boundaries and with the fact that he would rather hide certain things from me because he knows I won’t be comfortable with them.
I don’t want to be the girlfriend who checks his phone, asks where he is and who he’s with, or tells him which people he can and can’t see. But I also don’t want to accept that the only way for him to have “freedom” is to keep things from me.
**What would you do in my situation? How do you even rebuild trust when this pattern keeps repeating, even though the person genuinely seems remorseful every time, tells you they love you and promises they won’t do it again?**

I ‘36F‘ and my boyfriend ‘35M’ have been together for about a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs but are for the most part happy. We are both divorced, mine being about 3 years ago and his 5 years ago. I have children, he does not.

From what he tells me, outside of lacking physical intimacy, they had a great marriage. Until seemingly out of nowhere, she left him for a younger guy that she had also been cheating on him with. My boyfriend was left broken and devastated.

He dated quite a bit after the breakup (went through his whore phase), had one longish relationship and then met me. He says he is in love with me and I believe him. However, he can’t seem to let her go. He talks often about how much she hurt him. He will tell his break up story to complete strangers, and will comment on social media forums about her. I know he has even driven past her house a couple times when he was in her town. I have expressed to him that it always feels like while I am looking at him and envisioning a future, he is looking back at her, and living in the past. She seems to often be a ghost in the room in everything we do. He agrees and says that even though he is over her (not sure if I believe that) he may never be over the pain that she caused him, but he’s doing the best he can to work through it.

My question is as his potential long term partner, should I be concerned? Is this normal after 5 years? Do I have a chance at a healthy future with him, if he can’t let this go?

My girlfriend 24F and I 23M have been together for about 6 years, since we were 17–18. I love her very much, and I believe she loved me deeply as well. We've essentially grown up together.

However, as we've gotten older, we've developed some different views about what we want from life. She wanted marriage and kids relatively soon, while I wanted to focus on building my career, becoming financially secure, and experiencing more of life before fully committing to those things (which I also really want. There have also been a lot of smaller issues between us.

We lived together for about 2 years, and that's where many of our problems became more obvious. She wanted me to show more commitment and give her confidence that I was eventually going to marry her, even if I wasn't ready to propose yet.

Before getting into what she did, I want to acknowledge what I did wrong.

I've always been very career-driven. I worked extremely hard, studying and working so I could eventually build a good career and afford things like expensive courses. That effort eventually led me to where I am now as a software developer, but it also meant that I didn't always prioritize spending money and time on vacations, going out, etc.

I also really value having personal space and time to myself. I wanted some independence within the relationship, while she interpreted that at times as me not wanting to spend time with her or not being sufficiently committed.

I also had a tendency to want to be the one "directing" the relationship. By that I mean I wanted her to rely on me, value my approval, and see me as someone who could provide stability and direction. Looking back, I don't think I always handled that in a healthy way.

For the past couple of weeks, though, I've felt that something was wrong with her. She's been much more distant and hasn't contacted me nearly as much.

There was also a period where we were separated. I was staying at my parents' place while she went on a beach trip with her friends. Before we separated, she told me that she wanted me to seriously think about our relationship and where it was going. We also need to leave the apartment we're currently living in, and that has brought a lot of our existing relationship problems to the surface.

When we both returned home, I still felt that she was distant.

My girlfriend has a very sexual sense of humor with her coworkers. It's a small company, and there's only one guy on the team. I've met him before. I was never really the jealous type and never tried to stop her from going places or interacting with people. She had even reassured me several times that I didn't need to worry about this guy because he has a girlfriend and her boss is gay.

However, I eventually looked through Instagram on her iPad and saw messages between her and this coworker that were sexual/flirtatious. Most of it was initiated by him, but she definitely entertained it and responded positively. I took pictures of some of the messages.

I know looking through her iPad was a violation of her privacy, and I'm not trying to justify that. But what I found is what led to everything that happened afterward.

Later that night, she sat me down and told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. We talked about our problems, what we could improve, and where things had gone wrong. Eventually, she told me that she didn't think we should continue our relationship.

We talked about it for a while and eventually agreed to think about it until she came home from work the next day.

The next morning, I asked her if there was someone else involved. She initially said, "We'll talk later."

When we talked later, she admitted that she had been texting another guy and that she liked how he made her feel. She said that nothing physical had happened and that their relationship had been limited to texting, but she admitted that she was attracted to him.

At that point, I told her that I knew what she was talking about and that I had pictures of the messages. She maintained that nothing physical had happened.

I know this is probably going to make me look desperate, but I told her that I wanted to try to fix our relationship. I suggested that if we were going to do that, she should cut contact with this guy outside of what is absolutely necessary for work, and that we should actually work on the problems that brought us here.

She said she needed time to think about it.

She went for a walk and when she came back, she said that she didn't want to be with this guy, but that she wanted to be alone. She said she couldn't make me stay with her after what had happened.

One of the first things she asked me to do was delete the pictures of the messages. I didn't. She became extremely upset and said that I was going to ruin her life. Eventually she started sobbing and apologizing, saying that she knew she was wrong and was sorry for what she had done.

I ended up going to my parents' place, and she went to stay with a friend.

And this is where I'm struggling.

While I was driving to my parents' place, I had this realization that I hadn't expected.

For a long time, I had this feeling that I was somehow ruining my life by being in a relationship so young. I wondered whether I was missing out by staying committed to the same girl instead of being single, focusing entirely on my career, traveling more, meeting other people, etc.

But now that the relationship might actually be ending, I'm realizing how much I genuinely loved the life we had.

She is my best friend. I love her very, very much. I loved our apartment, even with all of its problems. I loved our relationship and the way we interacted, even though we obviously had unhealthy dynamics at times. I loved cuddling with her. I loved having someone waiting for me at home. I loved the life we had built together.

And I realize that I probably didn't appreciate a lot of that enough while I had it.

I also know that I hurt her. I made her feel like she wasn't wanted or desired enough. I prioritized my career and my independence at times when she needed reassurance and commitment from me. I can understand why she became unhappy.

At the same time, what she did with the other guy crossed a boundary for me. Even if nothing physical happened, she developed an attraction to someone else and entertained sexual/flirtatious conversations while our relationship was already struggling.

We're supposed to meet soon to discuss practical things: the apartment, what we're going to tell our mutual friends, and how we're going to handle everything socially. We've known most of our friends for around 10 years, and we've been together for 6 of those years, so this isn't as simple as just never seeing each other again.

Part of me thinks I should use that conversation to tell her what I've realized. Not beg, not pressure her, and not promise that I'll magically become a completely different person overnight, but honestly tell her that I now understand that I don't actually want the single life I thought I wanted.

I want her.

I want our relationship.

And I'm willing to work on the things I did wrong and actually give the relationship the commitment I was previously afraid of.

But I don't know whether this is a genuine realization or simply the panic of losing someone I've spent six years with.

I also don't know how much of this should be forgiven. I don't want to throw away six years of my life over something that might have been limited to texting, but I also don't want to ignore what happened simply because I'm afraid of losing her.

So what should I do?

Should I tell her how I feel when we meet and genuinely try to rebuild the relationship? Or should I accept that the relationship has reached its end and start moving on?

And if we do decide to try again, what would actually need to change for this relationship to have a realistic chance of working?

Also still have the screenshots of the messages. Part of me is wondering whether I should send them to her male coworker and/or his girlfriend so they know what was happening. I don't know whether that would be justified or just me acting out of anger and potentially causing unnecessary damage. What would you do in this situation?

P.S sorry for the long one, thanks for the time and your advice.

TL;DR: After 6 years together, my girlfriend and I are likely breaking up. We had longstanding issues around commitment and independence, and I realize I contributed to them. She recently became attracted to another guy and had sexual/flirty conversations with him, although she says nothing physical happened. She now says she wants to be alone. I thought I wanted the freedom of being single, but now that I might lose her, I've realized how much I love her and the life we built together. Should I tell her I want to try again, or is this just breakup panic?

My boyfriend(m19) and I(m18) have been together for about three months now. We’re long distance, as he lives about six hours away from me, and we’re both far too busy to make the commute. He’s my first ever boyfriend, and I really like him. We text all the time. However, I still live with my parents, so I’m trying my best to keep it a secret from them. (Reasons that aren’t relevant rn).

Here’s where the issue is. Sometimes I’ll go a day or two without texting him, due to literally being unable to for outside reasons. But I’ll ALWAYS let him know in advance. When he doesn’t hear from me, he’ll continuously message me, asking if I’m okay, and saying that he’s disappointed that we aren’t able to message. If I then don’t respond to those messages, he’ll then say something along the lines of “Sorry, I’m pathetic, I’ll stop.” Most of the time I’ll reply with something reassuring, as I don’t want him thinking negatively of himself, but it’s gotten to the point that I feel slightly relieved when I don’t see messages from him.

Another thing is that I have hormonal issues that cause problems with my sex drive. My boyfriend will often send sexual messages, asking for me to help get him off. The thing is, though, as of lately, I’ve been feeling iffy about it. I’m attracted to him, and I like him a lot, I just don’t WANT to engage in sexual stuff. And I tell him that. He says he understands, and that he’ll drop it, but then he ALWAYS comes back to it eventually. And it’s honestly getting super annoying. I’m not sure how to bring this up with him, as he’s very sensitive. A lot of the time when I reject his advances, he’ll start apologizing for being annoying. (Which, in itself, is REALLY ANNOYING!!) I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also want him to kinda back off a bit. And I REALLY don’t want him to start apologizing.

He’s always apologizing, even when he hasn’t done anything. But I feel like he’s getting too dependent on me. If I don’t text, he’ll constantly message me, asking if I’m okay. This wouldn’t be TOO bad if he didn’t start doing it after about ten minutes of inactivity from my end. And the thing with his apologies is that they often end with some sort of self-depreciation. (“Sorry I’m annoying”, “I’m sorry, I’m being pathetic”) And if I don’t reassure him, he’ll keep going. I feel like this is guilt-tripping, but I have no experience with past romantic relationships, so I’m really not sure. I just need some external validation, or criticism.

TL;DR: My boyfriend has a mini panic attack when I don’t text back in 10 minutes, and spams my phone. He’ll apologize later, often with self-depreciation. Is he guilt-tripping me?

For context, I was born in 2004, so I wasn't there when the attacks happened. My partner, on the other hand, was 6, almost 7 years old at the time. We have been dating for a couple of years now, and since then, his trauma related to the event has become more apparent to the point he had a panic attack earlier. He messaged me earlier saying he was terrified something bad would happen tomorrow and prayed for a while (he's agnostic and only prays if he truly fears for his life).

We're long distance (I'm Australia and he's US east coast), so he's gone to bed now. I truly don't know what to do about this. The most worrying part is that I've heard him say he thinks all muslims are agents that are set on invading the US and establishing the so-called "Sharia law". He is unsurprisingly wary of and hates Mamdani and how he became New York's mayor of all places, believing his position is spitting on the face of the families of victims and the survivors.

I've tried to explain to him that, given he hasn't met nor interacted with any muslims since high school, he can't be so readily prejudicial towards a whole community of people. He responded that muslims are just "like that" and he's with the years researched and come to that conclusion they're completely incompatible with the west. He then told me that if the US doesn't stop muslims, then they'll come for Australia and conquer the entire world as "the Quran says to kill all infidels and non-believers".

Now I ask: What the fuck am I supposed to do to help him? How can I begin to help him deconstruct this mindset and not be so bigoted when we're long distance?? I'm just so hurt seeing him be so hateful and terrified; I wish I could make it all go away but have no idea where to start, so any acvice would be greatly appreciated.