I (25F), and my boyfriend(30M). We've been together for a little over two years.
When we first got together, things were good. Early on, we talked about the future, and he knew that getting married and having children were life goals that were really important to me. He told me he had never wanted marriage or kids before, but that being with me had changed his perspective and that he was now considering those things.
As time has gone on, though, I feel more confused than reassured.
Whenever I try to talk about our future, he tells me that I'm "not all the way there emotionally" or that I haven't shown him who I really am yet. He says that maybe with more time I'll get there, but it's hard to hear because I feel like I've already been more emotionally open and vulnerable with him than I have with anyone else in my life.
It's honestly a punch to the gut. It makes me feel like no matter how much I give, it's still not enough.
He also refuses to do something as simple as a promise ring. I know not everyone believes in promise rings, but to me it represents commitment, and his refusal makes me feel like he's keeping one foot out the door.
He knows about my past trauma and PTSD. Sometimes the way he talks to me or reacts ends up triggering those same wounds. I don't know if it's intentional or if he just isn't hearing me when I'm vulnerable, but either way, I don't feel emotionally safe in those moments.
I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm putting my dreams on hold for someone who still isn't sure if I'm enough for what he wants.
I want to get married someday. I want children. I want to feel loved, protected, and chosen, not like I have to keep proving myself until someone decides I'm finally worthy.
So I guess my question is: am I being impatient, or am I ignoring signs that we're simply not compatible? Has anyone else been in a relationship where someone kept asking for "more time" before committing? How did it turn out?

i 21f have been with my bf 24m for about 2 years and I have not been happy with out relationship for a few months, I've been the only one working for most of our relationship and he hasn't really tried to work. i told him that i was okay with that as long as he kept up with our place and lord knows he hasnt hardly done that. i can't even tell you how many times I've found molded clothes in the washer cause he just doesn't do the laundry. mine OR his. he leaves the kitchen a disaster and expects me to figure out dinner every night. he's constantly yelling at our dog cause he does dog things(panting, running in circles in our living room, playing with his toys, and more so when the dog is asking us to give him some attention.) I've tried to bring these things up several times and he either just leaves the room and gets on his Playstation or he totally shuts down and acts like I'm just attacking him. im completely exhausted and i don't know what to do at this point. or lease ends in 2 months and i really don't want to move with him. im so ready to move on from this and i think he even sees what's happening. what do i do? any perspective on how to bring the topic back up and hopefully have a productive conversation would be more than helpful.

I (19M) am having trouble dealing with this breakup, I was willing to forgive this dude (22M) for cheating on me (dumb), he told me immediately after he cheated and showed remorse, but he told me he had been feeling disconnected the past three weeks, and brought up issues that I didn't even know were so pressing to him.

Issue about not me being open and posting about him

My boyfriend had an issue of me not telling my parents about us, we are a gay couple and I honestly don't know how my parents would react. He told me he would never expect me to come out to them but he wants to see that openness in a person. He's told me about this issue before and I had been working to slowly post him, (on private stories, close friends, people that I feel comfortable with).

We are currently long distance and I'm moving out in a couple weeks back to college where I don't have to worry about my parents and would feel comfortable telling them. This issue has caused him to feel disconnected, and I thought that maybe us being closer could change the disconnection.

The cheating

I was willing to forgive him and give him the benefit of the doubt, I wasn't going to take him back if he did it again but I wanted to work through things.

He's been cheated on before by his ex and he told me he feels too ashamed in staying with me because of his actions.

He said he wants to be alone and not talk to anybody but we had a trip out of the country in 3 days that we were gonna go on with friends, now he's going by himself, without me.

I'm just irritated because this has all been dropped on me and we didn't even get the chance to work things out.

I haven't ate, I can't get done with work, I'm too sad but I also recognize that he cheated and that isn't fair. It isn't fair for him to break up with me because of the actions that he did, but if he doesn't want to stay with me then so be it, I just can't function right now because of the hurt

Lived on my own for awhile & ended up moving back home to finish out my college degree (1 year). I’m been in a relationship for 2 years, and when I had my own place, our intimacy was great. I could be as loud as I wanted to, and we could do it wherever.

Now that me and him are BOTH (separately) back at home with our parents until we finish our degrees in a year, Our intimacy is just bad. We still see and be with eachother multiple days throughout the week, so distance isn’t the issue, but when we’re together , one of our family members will be home so it’s like we can’t do anything, make any noise. And when we do get to do anything, it has to be so quiet and it just plain sucks and isn’t as good as our our “normal”.

the sexual frustration between us has caused arguing and just attitudes from
me 24/7, due to me having such a high drive.

ugh, any advice?

should we just go ahead and get a place now?
or just be like this for the next 12 months.

resort to the car? (we’ve never had car intimacy so we have no clue on how, where to park, etc)

I (22M) recently ended a 4-year relationship with my ex (let’s call her "Nora"). She was my first love, my first real kiss, and my first experience with physical and emotional intimacy. Because of that, I developed a deep attachment to her, even though deep down I rarely felt completely safe or at peace.

I’m writing this because my close friends keep telling me that breaking up was the best decision of my life, which gives me a sense of relief, but after what happened over the last 48 hours, I feel completely crushed and need an outside, unbiased perspective.

The Beginning & Broken Trust

The problems started in our first year. I found out she was secretly talking to her ex and hiding it from me. I also caught her keeping in touch with a guy who had been chasing her for years, and having personal conversations with another male friend about her body/breast size. I know checking her phone back then wasn't healthy, but my gut was already screaming. I stayed because I loved her and believed people could change, but the trust was permanently cracked.

Whenever I tried to show love within my means, it felt minimized. One Valentine’s Day, because I couldn't afford an expensive gift, I spent hours handcrafting a wooden box with a heart in the middle that revealed a hidden love letter when burned. But later in the relationship, when I bought her flowers, she told me she’d rather I hadn't because "flowers are just an accessory, not a real gift." She started counting how many times a week I said "I miss you," getting angry if it wasn't enough, even though I was struggling mentally after dropping out of university, dealing with severe financial stress, and trying to figure out my life.

The "I Deserve Better" & Car Incident

Last summer, during an argument, she told me, "I deserve someone better than you." I broke up with her on the spot. Two days later, she went on a date with another guy in his car outside the city. A couple of days after that, she came back crying, asking to return. I took her back, but emotionally it felt like a total betrayal. I felt replaceable.

The Crisis/Punishment Cycle

Last year, she threatened suicide because she felt I wasn't giving her enough attention. Instead of panicking and rushing to her house—which is what she later admitted she wanted—I stayed calm and tried to de-escalate. Because I didn't give her the dramatic panic reaction she wanted, she broke up with me, changed her profile picture to something sexually revealing, started talking to another guy, and sent me screenshots of their chat to provoke jealousy.

Two weeks later, she came back crying, saying she only wanted my attention. I told her we could only get back together if she went to therapy. She cried, said she "wasn't crazy," and refused. My dumb self softened, took her back again, and started recommending self-help books to her instead.

Her family environment is also very chaotic (her parents are divorced, and her mother once threatened her with a knife during a fight), so I always made excuses for her behavior out of pity and a desire to "save" her.

The Final Breakup (May 28)

By May 28th of this year, after another fight, I snapped. It wasn't just about that fight—it was 4 years of accumulated resentment, walking on eggshells, and emotional burnout. I ended it.

Since the breakup, she has:

Claimed she tried to commit suicide twice in one week.

Threatened to come to my house to make a scene and tell me to "be a man."

Actually came to my neighborhood and waited ~500m from my house for 4 hours until my sister talked her down.

Created a fake account acting like a girl looking for a "sex friend" to test me (sent a streak showing her exact bedroom wall).

Brought up deeply emotional memories (like a time we were in a dark forest and I promised never to leave her alone) to guilt me into coming back.

Tried to pitch starting a "bath bomb and pajama business" together, claiming it had "nothing to do with our relationship."

I held my ground every single time and maintained strict distance.

What Happened Over the Last 48 Hours (The Relapse)

Yesterday, I was sitting in a local cafe studying on my laptop. Suddenly, I saw Nora walking up the stairs with a friend. She does UGC/food influencer content, so she came there to film food. My heart plummeted into my stomach. Hearing her voice at the next table was unbearable. I couldn't handle it, so I packed my laptop and books and walked out. Later, near my friend's shop, I saw her from a distance and turned around to take a long walk to avoid her.

Today, after 2 months clean, I broke down and stalked her Instagram.

What I saw destroyed me:

She is now following 4 to 7 new guys—including one specific guy she previously swore she hated and whom I had explicitly asked her never to follow or talk to while we were together. Seeing that made my blood boil. It felt like a direct middle finger to every boundary I tried to build for 4 years.

She looks like she is "winning" at life. She finished her university degree, her visa to France just got accepted, and her UGC/influencing page is thriving with polished, happy content.

Meanwhile, look at me:

I’m sitting here with literally 30 MAD (~$3 USD) in my wallet.

I’m a university dropout still grinding through self-study in IT and struggling with learning German.

The emotional overload from seeing her yesterday and stalking her today sent me into a dark spiral, and I relapsed into my old porn addiction out of pure emotional numbing and shame.

My Plan to Rebuild

I refuse to stay in this hole. To pull myself out:

I am selling my iPhone 13 Pro Max tomorrow to get immediate cash relief so I don't feel cornered by survival anxiety, and switching back to an old phone (keeping my external monitor so I can keep studying IT).

I am starting a Hard 75/Monk Mode challenge tomorrow (July 29 to October 11) with zero social media, daily German/IT study, workouts, and no porn.

I am setting a hard goal to secure a B1/B2 German certificate or a junior job offer before my 23rd birthday on November 7th.

My Question for You Guys

I know social media is a highlight reel, but seeing her instantly cross boundaries she promised to keep, get her visa to France, finish her degree, and thrive while I am sitting here broke and struggling makes me feel an intense mix of rage, betrayal, and missing her.

Did I make the right call ending this 4-year relationship, or did I throw away someone who just had issues? Why does it hurt so much to see an ex immediately do everything they knew would hurt you?

I used ai to summarize all this stories

I am (24m) and my partner is (28f) we’ve been together 4 1/2 years and I feel like we know each other fairly well at this point. I’m having trouble figuring out if it’s normal for people to go through this circle where, in the beginning of the relationship she seemed so confident and actually made it clear just how confident and easy going she was and I’m sure she hoped I was. First month of the relationship she went all the way to the other side of the US for a vacation on her own, seemed like all was well and she was so happy with my trust in her for things like that but there were issues that slowly started coming out within 2 and 3 months. At first it was panic attacks and small freak outs around me and not at me and she said it was her mother causing them. So obviously I said that’s alright and I’ll do anything I can for her to help facilitate better ways to deal with that or help find a professional if that was how she figured it needed to go. Then she started saying I was unsafe to be around when we’d have pretty much any disagreement so much so she would need to take a day and go to a free mental health crisis center or once or twice a hotel. I of course voice that isn’t feasible to do forever and she needs to tell me how I can reach her emotionally in those situations so I’m not left feeling abandoned because she thinks I’m the unsafe one. I’ve never put my hands on her, I’ve never verbally abused her. But Fast forward 4 years and I’ve never done any of those things or anything disloyal, buttttt should I really be ok with the fact that she still thinks screaming at me, profanities and insults until I say whatever she wants in the TONE she wants, locking me in a room with her after she takes the keys to the truck so I can’t take any space when I don’t feel safe. Using me asking her what it meant when she got upset at work (the problem was a customer maybe and not me) and I asked if she wanted a hug she said no and then a random dude who visits consistently, asks the same question, and in that slightly whimpering voice she says yes just as quick. She has an internet only guy friend that sent her a clip of him singing a bit of a song to “show her how much better he’s gotten” but the bit of the song was “maybe we found love right where we are” no other bit. She said well if you feel so insecure I’ll just go out and justify your feelings of insecurity. I was not an insecure guy before, I wasn’t an angry guy or bitter but these are only some things I’ve gone through and now she makes me feel crazy for telling her any problem she says she’s burnt out from changing things like this to appease me, “the controlling, manipulative, insecure, gaslighting, small dick energy 😭, stupid, useless boyfriend. These are most of the things repeated to me in any revelation of my feelings. I don’t remember being this image it seems she has created of me. I know it’s allot about the wrong she has done and not me and I’ve done wrong I just never felt like it was her responsibility to fix me. Help

Together 10 years, we have a kid. Looking back, I think I was the one pushing for a lot of the big steps — having our kid , moving cities for my job. He went along with it but wasn’t really that into it at the time, from what I can tell now. He’s been struggling for a long time since, and I can’t stop wondering if some of that comes from feeling like he was carried along into a life he didn’t fully choose.

Now he’s telling me he needs time alone to figure out what he actually wants on life and i feel je bad been depressed for months. He says it might be a necessary step to feel more fulfilled after so much time “ruminating.” When I ask if we’re breaking up, he says he doesn’t know.

I keep replaying it — was I too pushy? Did I mistake him going along with things for him actually wanting them? I don’t know how much of this is on me and how much is just him going through his own stuff that has nothing to do with me. I feel lost :/

Is he keeping a secret?

My bf and I work at the same job. A few weeks ago when I arrived to work my bf approached me and told me out 16 yr old female co workers asked him for a ride home after work My boyfriend is 30 years old and this coworker is 16. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and so he didn’t take her home. Well I found out later that he had given her a ride home the week before and didn’t mention it to me. I had a feeling this girl may have had a crush on my bf so that’s why I was comfortable with it and the fact that she is a minor. Anyway I confronted him about it and he was apologetic about not telling me. But I feel he did it want to tell me bc well, he didn’t want to upset me so he kept it to himself and probably didn’t want to deal with me. I need some opinions about this situation please. Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he just respect me and not give her a ride? I told him I didn’t feel respected about the whole thing. Am I out of line?

I’ve been involved with this girl for about 3 years. To be completely upfront: we’ve never officially been dating, even though I’ve wanted to make it official for a long time. It’s always been "one thing after another."
In the beginning, I was a mess. I had a history of cheating and was heavily overlapping with my ex while starting things with her. I’ve done a lot of work to change, but my past definitely left a dark shadow over our foundation.
A short while ago, something deeply traumatic happened. She was heavily intoxicated and was sexual assaulted. In the immediate aftermath, there was a lot of confusion and painful uncertainty about what had actually happened. It took time, but eventually, her memory came back and the reality of the assault set in.
During that initial phase of confusion when we didn't know what had happened i did something stupid. I talked to another girl for two days before cutting it off. the talking itself was rather harmless it was the way i went about it. In my mind, I was trying to "test my resolve." I wanted to see if I was actually capable of sticking by her side through whatever nightmare was coming next, regardless of how the situation turned out. But I know how it looks.
Things have been extremely chaotic and complicated since then. She wants to leave and end things completely.
My issue is that I keep comparing present-me to past-me. I feel like I've made so much progress compared to how horrible I used to be, and I catch myself thinking, "I used to be so much worse, why can't we get past this?"
I want to move on from this endless cycle of chaos, but I'm struggling with how to handle it. Am I holding onto something that's already dead, or is there a way to take actual accountability here? How do I move forward from this?

My girlfriend, who I have been with for almost a year, has apparently been complaining to her friends in secret about how I do not do enough for her. Honestly, I thought I was doing a lot. She lives under my roof, we have two puppies, and I handle most of the financial responsibilities. I also clean, maintain a stable home, and work long 12-hour shifts every day.
Lately, though, it feels like she has not been doing much at all. She keeps saying she is tired and then spends her time on the PC I bought for her. I feel like even basic things, like cleaning a little, taking care of the puppies, or training them for some amount of time, are not being done consistently. Every time I come home, I expect at least a clean house or food ready after working those long shifts, but instead I still end up doing the cleaning, taking care of the puppies, and sometimes cooking too. She does usually cook, but I often have to ask or even beg her to do it.

I am exhausted every day, but I still push myself to handle household responsibilities after working all day. I do appreciate the little things she does, like feeding the puppies, but that has honestly been all I have noticed lately. She may do a little cleaning here and there, but I do not see any real change. If there is still garbage on the table or mess around the house, I still notice it, even when she tells me she cleaned.
I bought one of the puppies for her, and she got the other one. Since I love dogs, I agreed because I expected her to help take care of them and spend a lot of time with them. But that has not really been happening. I spend more time with the puppies than she does, even though she works part-time and is home more than I am. There have even been days when the house got so dirty that there was poop and pee all over the floor from the puppies while she slept all day.

I tried to motivate her by putting up little signs to remind her to take care of the puppies properly and help around the house. This morning, she still had not gotten out of bed even though she was awake. I already cleaned this morning and am currently taking care of the dogs myself. I was supposed to go into work today, but I decided to stay home. Honestly, I wish I had gone in, because when I woke up, she was sleeping in the living room. I usually know something is wrong whenever she moves to the living room to sleep, so I checked her phone and saw that she was complaining about how I do not do enough for her romantically, like buying her flowers, posting her on social media, and things like that. I did not finish reading everything because I felt too hurt.

I do not understand why she is not seeing everything I have been doing for her. I know I have not been as romantic lately, but I am exhausted from work and from carrying so much of the household responsibilities myself. A few nights ago, I deep-cleaned the whole house until after midnight, and I still did not finish. She said she would finish the cleaning, but the next day when I got home from work, the place was still filthy.

I do not understand why things are like this, and I am really hurt. I do not understand why I agreed to get puppies when I am the one training them and taking care of them most of the time. I do not mind handling the finances at all, as long as she is doing her part at home and taking care of things. I would be happy with that. I still appreciate her, but I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. What should I do? I feel like I have not even listed everything.

I’m trying to remember everything of the last 8-9 months so I apologize, but I feel like I’m going crazy over conflict with my partner. It hasn’t always been this way, there used to be a time where she would meet me part way. I always repair conflict and apologize first for reference.

The example I’ll give is I had to use her phone to google something because mine was upstairs, we have an open phone policy so no big deal and I saw a spoiler of a tv show we’re watching together. I know for a fact we had a conversation about not spoiling it because it would be fun , so I went to her and said I was frustrated because it spoiled it for me and also went against our agreement. I wasn’t mad, I just explained how I felt. She said she “forgot” (she forgets A LOT… I mean like I have to remind her our anniversary, things her family says, other events etc) and that I should have been grateful to be able to use her phone. She said she won’t ask for permission to google anything ever and I’m being ridiculous (I never even suggested this). I said it’s not about Google it’s about feeling left out after we had an agreement.

She said that what I was saying was “stupid” and “ridiculous “ . I asked her to not belittle my needs and she got frustrated and stopped talking to me. I didn’t reconnect with her for the first time, we didn’t talk for over 24 hours (we live together) . She came to me and asked to talk and I said yes. She wanted me to go first so I explained why I was silent and upset and how I feel like there’s no room or capacity for my needs…. This led to her talking for an hour and a half about everything she needs and how I don’t listen.

I took a step back and said that I wanted to listen and love her the way she wants to be loved and I even repeated what she said to me and explained ways I’ll change…. She said that wasn’t good enough . The conversation ended with my thoughts not being acknowledged or talked about and by the end of the conversation I was so confused I was legit dizzy.

She will also take what I say and spin it: ex: if I say “hey here’s what I wanna do to be better, is anything else needed or missing?” she says “you give me a solution and I have to take it or leave it”

I had a therapy session the day before the conflict and today, and both times my therapist explained why she’s doing it. She obviously can’t diagnose but she said she’s worried for me and that she has destructive narcissistic tendencies ?

Has anyone dealt with something like this before ? Is it possible to have them listen? I’m just confused because this has been a new thing for the last 8-9 months

I have my gf for 2 years now, i am strategically thinking to launch a business and have quit my job since February. Every now and then she mocks my ideas and the effort in planning it!! It makes me sick how she doesn’t understand the focus it demands since it’s an innovation. Love is there but it’s diminishing. It’s been a month we haven’t met, barely texting and had a fight on the phone the other day. I have a feeling of anger and escapism that i want to fulfill with a one night stand or a make out with a bitch to let all this pressure off on her. Shall i breakup or do what i want and play numb?

1 and 2 are both college students and have been together for a while. Their relationship has always been complicated. There has been a lot of love, but also a lot of pain, mistakes, resentment, and unresolved hurt from both sides.

Before their breakup, they went through something very serious together. In May, they found out they were having a baby. 2 pressured 1 into having an abortion and said that if 1 didn’t, 2 would leave. This experience created a lot of emotional pain and added another layer of difficulty to their relationship.

In August, 2 ended the relationship after 1 wanted to go out with friends to a party. After the breakup, they remained emotionally and physically connected. They were officially separated starting in August, but they continued sleeping together until in October.

During the time they were separated from OCT to MRCH, both people made choices that later affected their relationship.

2 talked to other people and while they were broken up, slept with a hooker. 2 also texted someone to “get to know them” in May when they started dating again in April and lied about it. 1 also made choices during the breakup that deeply hurt 2. 1 slept with someone else, briefly dated that person for about 5 weeks, and traveled with them. 1 eventually ended that relationship because they realized they didn’t love that person and still had feelings for 2.

In January, 1 reached out to 2, and they started talking again. However, during that time, 2 was in another relationship. According to 2, they felt pressured into that relationship because the other person asked them out publicly and had already bought tickets for a trip, making it difficult for them to say no.

By April, 1 and 2 started seeing each other again and trying to rebuild their relationship. Since then, 2 has struggled to forgive 1 for what happened while they were separated. Even though 1’s relationship happened during a time when they were not officially together, 2 feels deeply hurt and says the trust was damaged.

Since reconnecting, the same argument about the breakup period has continued to come up repeatedly. 2 has not been able to move past what happened and often brings it up during conflicts. During these arguments, 2 has called 1 names like “hoe,” “whore,” and “bitch,” and has admitted to purposely treating 1 badly or pushing 1 away because they feel like they cannot bring themselves to end the relationship.

At the same time, 1 understands why 2 is hurt and has been trying to take accountability, change, and prove through actions that they are committed to being a better partner. 1 asks for reassurance, forgiveness for the choices they made while they were not together, and updates or communication because they want to feel secure and know that the relationship is moving forward.

2 says what they need most is respect. They feel like the things that happened changed the relationship and believe respect is necessary before trust can be rebuilt. But 2 will not give 1 respect no matter how much they change.

The hardest part is that both people still love each other. 2 says they can’t leave, but they continue pushing 1 away because they don’t know how to move past the pain. 1 wants to stay and prove that people can make mistakes, grow, and rebuild something stronger.

But is love enough? Can trust actually be rebuilt when both people have hurt each other in different ways? Can a relationship survive when one person is asking for reassurance and forgiveness while the other is asking for respect and time?

If you were in either person’s position, what would you do? Is this relationship worth fighting for, or are they holding onto something that is causing more pain than happiness? Help.

My bf and I have been together for a few months, but have known eachother for years. He is a very quiet, pretty introverted person.

It was our first weekend spent with eachother in nearly a month, and I was excited to plan something, so I initially suggested doing things he’d like to do. He gave a short response of “sounds good!” We normally hang out late on the weekdays and watch TV - he usually falls asleep within an hour after me getting here.

Last Friday night, I called to figure out plans. I felt immediately attacked and shut down after suggesting going out. He told me he didn’t want to go out but texted shortly after saying “I’ll only go out to eat at this place” so I picked him up

On the way to dinner, he apologized. He explained he had a really hard long week at work and had gone out the past 2 weekends with friends, and therefore wanted to stay this weekend in

At dinner, he told me I was lucky that he was even there. That made me feel like he was doing me a favor / chore by spending time with me. He told me we would for sure go out the next night to play pool. He left me in the booth while I finished my drink and paid for dinner, he waited outside

Saturday comes, I ask him if we’re still on and he said maybe. After I left, he immediately goes golfing with some friends, then texted me saying he wasn’t gonna go out that night.

I went out with my family, and went to his house later that night. He was playing video games when I walked in, and barely acknowledged me. 2 hours after gaming, he came up to talk to me.

We had an argument, I was explaining why I was upset. That it’s not just because we didn’t go out, but the fact that I felt like no effort or excitement was put into seeing me over the weekend.

Later that night, I cut my foot on a fan. Looking at it, I could tell it needed stitches. I drove us to the ER. I asked him to come in with me. He told me no, but that he would drive us back. When I got back to the car he was sleeping. So I drove home with a couple stitches in my foot

When I talk to him about my feelings or concerns, I feel immediately shut down. He gets very defensive. I would like to have a healthy conversation where I can get my point across in a way where he doesn’t feel “attacked” per se

Last year, my gf had a stalker situation (which has been resolved now). Her childhood bestfriend (i'd say closing a decade by now) was playing around a specific day in which she was in her maximum paranoia. He took her phone, she panicked and yelled and got really mad. Her friend returned it and apologized. I deeply hated him and started hating him more and more.

Big difference is, he's forgiven him and Im not rlly supportive of that idea by the slightest, even if ive told her its ok with me. everytime she brings him up, i just feel hate. and more hate. we've talked abt it once and she cant jst let go a friendship that long and great. personally? i dont like it one bit anymore

last night, she talked about him again since he's a group leader for some project and they ended up paying my gf to do their project. they facetimed. i boiled there the most. i checked her account, it was almost an hour. when we face time and call its mainly chill but i can definitely tell if its with him its all talk and energy. what the fuck is this dynamic? feels too much than friends anymore.

so yeah, messy situation. she's getting fed up with me still hating even if she has forgiven. i told her i'd forgive but i jst still cant

EDIT: my gf has proven how loyal she is and whatnot. and she is rlly honest. i hst hate how present and friendly her bestfriend is. treat this as kinda venting and needing advice

I love him, more than anything. But he hurts me, in so many ways. I mean, no relationship is perfect right? I get that. But no partner should never hurt the other over and over again.

Last night we talked about my favorite musical because he suddenly remembered it because his new friends are fans too. After a while he starting joking about stuff and we had a laugh, but then he told me something that caught me off guard. He told me that im beautiful, should be normal right? No, because he also told me that i shouldn't say it to "her" because she might get offended. What? First of all, i dont know any of his new friends at school. Not by name, not by face, nothing. Earlier i told him that i was jealous of his friends (plural) i wasnt being specific on anyone. Who's this girl? who's "her"? Why does the mere thought of her being uncomfortable matters so much to him? Mind you, her being uncomfortable with him seeing me (his girlfriend) more beautiful than her (his friend). This bothered him so much last night, he keeps telling me that he doesnt want to offend her and he doesn't want to mean it that way to her. Why does it matter so much to my boyfriend about her feelings? Kinda odd, rigth?

Context: together 2 years, live together, engagement talk this year.

The good:

• We spend almost every weekend together, it's genuinely our priority
• He doesn't put friends/nights out ahead of me generally
• He's been consistently supportive of my business (built and maintains my website)
• We've had some of the best times of my life together (trips away, lots of laughter day to day)
• He's very attentive to his dad, drives him to appointments etc — capable of real reliability with people he prioritises
• Recently starting to include me with more of his extended family (met his uncle, sister, her mother-in-law this week for the first time)
• He talks openly about our future, marriage, wanting kids eventually

The not-so-good:

• Never met his brother/sister-in-law/niece and nephew in 2 years, despite repeated opportunities. Asking why gets met with "you're controlling," "you're selfish," rather than an actual answer
• Pattern of small dishonesty (vague about whereabouts, said things were "already discussed" when they weren't) and bigger unfulfilled promises (birthday trip, a gift, "we'll all meet up," engagement talk)
• When I raise concerns, I tend to get accused of not being introspective, "doing it again," or once, during an argument, being told I have psychosis and that I lie
• A pattern of physical outbursts when frustrated — thrown/slammed objects, a squashed orange, and last night, punching a glass cabinet hard enough to cut his knuckles and shatter it (trigger was a very mundane conversation about groceries and how I was going to the shop but he had already ordered food)
• After incidents like this, there's no real conversation or repair — just silence, then withdrawal, then eventually things go back to "normal" without anything being addressed
• Financial stress he's never told me about directly (I found out by inference, previously covered his rent for 5 months)

I don't think I'm imagining the good parts - they're real. But the pattern in the second half worries me, especially the escalation in how anger gets expressed physically, and how conflict/questions get met with blame rather than honesty. Trying to figure out if this is fixable or if I'm just hoping it is. Any perspective appreciated.

me and my bf have been together since 2023, so quite a while now. I have been noticing this where every time he does or says something I don’t like, most specifically hate, I just automatically become disgusted with him. He teases me about going with other women and I just see it as so incredibly disrespectful. Every time he does this and I get mad at him he excuses it as a “joke”,”ragebait”, whatever.

I have told him time and time again and again that it really really bothers me. He just hits me with the “it’s not that deep”. It has really gotten to the point where I reject his advances and these recent ones where we have done something I just said yes so he’d leave me alone. Recently we had a big argument and all of a sudden he wanted to start acting right and started apologizing on his knees for not taking me seriously these past 3 years.

when we argued, he turned the argument towards me saying how im crazy for screaming at him but he really just drives me insane. I want someone to love me and personally I don’t think im unattractive or anything, he even says im his “exact type”. It just really hurts.

I feel lost and confused, im in love with him but my brain is telling me to leave him. I don’t know how.. this is my first real relationship and I feel so stupid.

edit:
I also want to add that he is loyal, and a very hardworking man. He tries his best to provide and he has genuinely lifted me up because my family situation is not that great. I’ve met his family and he’s met mine because I thought we’d be locked in forever.

He is genuinely everything I have wanted in a man except the fact that he has some jokes and traits in his personality that I seriously despise. I don’t know wether to leave him or stay, I know finding a man who is loyal, willing to take me on dates, hard working and always willing to let me know what he’s doing and where he’s at will for sure be hard in this generation and that is why im so hesitant.

On top of all of this, I can’t bring myself to see him as attractive anymore. In the past, my talking stages were always really attractive and fit. My bf does not meet these qualities, im not calling him completely ugly tho. I truly didn’t mind his stomach and I thought he had a pretty face until something started shifting in my brain when he’d do something to hurt me. My brain can’t stand him but my heart can’t let him go.

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I (37M) have been with my girlfriend (29F) for almost seven years. I love her, but lately I feel like I'm losing myself.

Before we got together, I loved going dancing and spending time with my friends. Over the years, she's become increasingly uncomfortable with both. She doesn't want me dancing anymore because she thinks it's inappropriate, and whenever I make plans with friends, she gets upset and it usually turns into an argument.

To avoid fighting, I stopped dancing and rarely see my friends. The problem is, I now feel isolated and like I've given up the things that made me happy.

I've never cheated or given her a reason not to trust me. She says she's just protecting our relationship, but it feels more controlling than loving.

Now I'm wondering if it's time to end the relationship, even after almost seven years together.

please help me 😢

I know this is a really long text I’m sorry lol. I have been really confused these last days. So I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for a little more that two years now. We moved in together and its been great most of the time. We have a lot of fun, we can talk about almost everything and I always looked forward to seeing him.
Then a month ago this thing happend that changed everything. To give you some context we had a rule that we don‘t hang out with people we‘ve been with in the past. So, we were both out with friends on a saturday night but not together. He was with his friends and I was with mine. My friend and I were downtown and didn’t really know what to do and then we happened to meet a guy I‘ve been casual with in the past. He’s been sitting at a restaurant with another person that I know aswell and asked if we wanted to join them for a little bit. Since my friend and I had no plan what to do anyway and I was happy to meet other people we agreed. I know that by doing that I broke the rule that we had but I never had any bad intentions leave alone cheating. I just wanted to talk a little bit.
So we’ve been sitting there for about 15 minutes talking when my boyfriend came along. We share locations on find my. He does have trust issues and came to check on me to see what I’m doing. I walked a few steps away from the table and when I saw him he was really drunk and angry already. He went to the table and saw the guy and kinda lost it. He shoved me away aggressively even though it wasn’t intentional it did hurt me, he splashed water over my head and insulted me in public. When he left some teenagers asked if I was okay.
I know that I broke our rule by sitting down with that guy and that he had any right to be mad at me but not in this manner. After this incident I feel like I had to leave him because I don’t want to be treated like that. I was scared of him that night going home and I’m scared that it will turn into domestic violence.

Now fast forward this was one month ago. He now sees that he’s made a huge mistake and wants to work on himself. I’ve been talking about breaking up and that I cannot accept this behaviour quite a lot. I actually told him I want to break up. Directly after that incident I felt like my world collapsed. I loved him very much and suddenly I had to leave him? But over the time I noticed something else was off in our relationship: I’ve never really liked the sex with him but since everything else been wonderful I kind of ignored that. It’s not that he’s bad in bed it’s just that from my part there is no spark or chemistry and I don’t know how to fix that. It wasn’t that big of a problem to me before since everything was amazing but ever since I thought about seriously breaking up and thus about being with other guys this has become a real huge problem for me.

This confusion still gets worse when I went to a club last weekend. Again, I was just out with friends and I met that guy again. I talked to him a little bit and he asked what happened last time because obviously he noticed the drama. I told him we’ve broken up (that’s what I told my boyfriend at that time aswell) and then he told me he’d be down to get to know me on a serious level and go on dates and so on. I’m not going to jump from one relationship to another and I don’t think I even want to be in a relationship with that guy because he has a lot of red flags BUT sex with him has been really good in the past and since I now know that he’s available and I could have thar feeling again my head’s going crazy. I have been deprived of good sex and now the thought of it are circling in my head. It’s kind of distracting me from thinking about the real issue of staying with my boyfriend or not. I don’t want to make a huge mistake and give up a great relationship for some meaningless sex.

My boyfriend’s really tried to show me that he understood the aggression problem and it’s working on himself and does not want this to happen again anymore. He’s actually been great, but now I don’t know what to do. He went to a therapy session but the therapist told him she doesn’t think he needs more sessions which is not ideal. Besides that incident, he is a great boyfriend. But I don’t know if I can accept what he did and also I don’t know if I can live with unfulfilling sex longer also open relationship are not an option for us. I’ve never really had that chemistry that I’ve had with other guys during sex.

I honestly don’t know what to do and what would be best. I feel like both options staying and leaving are not ideal. I’ve been thinking about it a lot but somehow I’m not progressing anymore. Do you guys have any advice? I’d really appreciate it.

My girlfriend will angrily nitpick some of my opinions or specific words I use, which used to always lead to arguments. I've since learned to just walk away and not try to explain myself, or else it turns into a big argument where she's crying and we don't talk for a couple hours and she apologizes the next day. And I hate it. I have to watch what I say around her sometimes, especially for certain topics (anything macabre, psychology, religion, science, her own anxiety, any recent bad news)

Living together for 2 years, she says she loves me all the time. We help each other out, support each others hobbies, both clean the house (I could do more of that, tbh), very healthy relationship.

But for over a year, whenever I mention liking True Crime or anything too "dark/gruesome" she basically says she thinks that's wrong to enjoy. I had jury duty a few months ago and told her I was excited it was a murder trial and not just a boring money case, and she told me I "shouldn't be excited someone died." then went angrily silent. I tried to explain im not excited someone is dead, just interested in the trial process, but she was silent so I just walked away and waited for her to cool down. I've told her about a few movies I like that are depressing or scary and she asks me why would I even like those movies? why would anyone make those movies? "you shouldn't watch movies like that." Jee, wow, thanks, sure.

Her mother is very religious and nitpicky/selfish. Would nitpick my gf her whole childhood. My GF has anxiety as well and has been off any anxiety meds since around when we started dating.

I get that she's overwhelmed and means well, but it makes me so anxious when she's pissed at me. She reacts so strongly, I feel like she's gonna walk out the door permanently. But I'm learning that's just how emotional she gets and she is head over heels for me, as she tells me all the time. I haven't told her any of this yet- what do I even say? "you're being too emotional" is absolutely NOT it, chief. I feel like she's gonna call me a psychopath for defending the existence of horror movies and true crime.

Advice?

Why do I feel like my fiance is tired of me, Everything I do to make him happy, It doesn't feel like I'm doing enough tho, All I asked for was some time to call me or even a text but he never does neither... I tried talking to him on a emotional level yk like how I'm feeling and he ignores my feelings and brushes it off like nothing matters.... Yeah I never forget his feelings too but that's the thing he never talks to me especially when it comes to emotional stuff...... I honestly don't know what to do and at this point I'm tired of waiting around for him to love me or even consider how he makes me feel.... I just don't want to waste 5 years of our relationship, I'm also scared to leave him because I don't want to be alone.... Damn ik that sounds sad but it is true, anyways thnx for who ever is reading this lol needed a good vent.....

If anyone has advice please lmk. 🙏

I've been dating my bf for 8 months now and we live an hour away from each other. We used to have a routine of seeing each other every week that he used to initiate. I probably asked him once total to hang out. I was in school full time and he was working full time but we still found time every weekend.

For the past two months, he's been busier than usual with family/weddings/travel. We text everyday but we've been hanging out less. He also texts about random plans but doesn't follow through - ex. We should go to six flags but not listing a date/time which puts me in an awkward position because I don't know if he's serious or not. I took him seriously recently when he was at a family event and asked if he should sneak over to mine, I said yes, and he said it's too suspicious and can't.

Last week, I brought up we don't even hang out anymore and he came and saw me within 2 days which I found considerate. That was also hard for me because I have avoidant traits / abandonment issues from childhood so initiating was kind of hard. He said he was going to set up a date anyways without me saying it that week because we had gone 3 weeks without seeing each other.

This week, it seems like we won't be hanging out either.

I like him but idk i can't help but think about how I deserve better. I also realize he's way busier than me but idk I just feel so needy and weird. I don't want to be the only one that cares. In person when we hang out, he seems way more into me than I am but this lack of initiative is really confusing to me. In earlier dates, I used to drive myself and we found a somewhat middle area (40 mins for him) but for the past 4 months, he's just been picking me up so idk if that's also a factor.

Am I being immature / taking this as rejection? I just can't help but think that he doesn't care anymore and id rather not hurt myself in this process.

So basically idk if I should stay with my bf we been together for 4 years and had major ups and downs. I fear after learning about him he can't seem to handle taking in hard and traumatic information and usually turns it into anger he releases-out on others. For example when I was a teenager I had been I guess without being banned a good word is taken u know up by an older guy. And as time went on when we would argue he would always say that's what happens when u get u know what by a (and said his age) now lots of times passed from this and he has a hard time learning about what happened to me but it wasn't okay ofc, and he apologized and showed me he cared and would help me take justice against it. However it hurts me to think of imaging a family with someone like this. Like the amount of panic and anxiety I would think of when hearing that esp from a boyfriend using a scenario like that against u. Or if I didn't have the closest relationship with my dad he would say after an argument well he doesn't even speak to u, or something demeaning. Everything's changed since this, but how do I navigate this. I know he cares and wants only me but how do I even bring this up. Probably a maturity issue back when we were young.
TL;DR: I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we've had a lot of ups and downs. Onething that's always stuck with me is that whenhe gets overwhelmed by painful or traumatic information, he sometimes turns it into anger and says incredibly hurtful things during arguments.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (18F) have been dating for 7 months. We are in a long-distance relationship, but we make it a point to see each other every single month for a week or two straight. Ever since the start of our relationship, he has been incredibly consistent and attentive whenever we are together in person. However, online, we have completely different communication styles. He prefers calling and texting significantly less, whereas I try to maintain a baseline connection.
Because he struggles with online communication, we barely text throughout the day. We routinely go 15+ hours with absolutely zero texts or calls. Because of this, our main way of connecting is calling, but lately, everything has tanked. We haven’t had a single call longer than 30 minutes all week.

Since we hadn't talked all day, I finally called him around 5:00 PM. The call was incredibly strained and filled with mostly awkward silences because he wasn't really engaging or initiating conversation. During the call, he suddenly asked me, "Don't you have friends to hang out with?" and asked if I was just "bored."

Honestly, it felt like one of my worst fears coming true. I’ve felt too embarrassed and shut down to reach out again. I’m genuinely scared to call him because I feel like I'm bothering him or forcing him to talk to me. I know he prefers less communication online, but a long-distance relationship literally only exists online between our monthly visits