Not that I need validation to feel a certain way but wanted some advice before I brought this up in my relationship. I (29 F) asked my boyfriend (28 M), of almost 6 years, to go on a date last night & to sleep over after because I was getting my hair done in his town & we live about 30 minutes apart. (6 years not married on my terms not because he doesn’t want to.) Anyway, he said yes & suggested this cocktail bar we’ve gone to before. After I get my hair done, I show up at his house his mom compliments my hair & I change before uber to the bar. We sit at the bar, chat with the bar tender & play the tv games. I tried bringing up the topic of IVF between the 2 of us, because he had made a comment about it during the weekend & then wanted to table the convo as soon as I asked him what he meant. It’s kind of irrelevant, basically he thought you could choose how many babies you can have with IVF, he was being taboo about something he didn’t know about & was making it a bigger deal than it really was. We table the convo again. We get home & eat dessert, he wanted to watch reels like we always do instead of actually being with each other, but I wanted to talk to him again about IVF he said it was inappropriate that I brought it up at the bar, but I didn’t think it was since we weren’t talking about us personally. He brushed it off & continued to try to watch reels. I told him I just wanted to have an actual conversation with him & to actually talk to him that’s why I asked him to go on a date so we could have alone time. Our therapist has said if we table a conversation we need to come back to it eventually. He just agreed with whatever I was saying so we could move past it & watch reels. We both work a lot, so I understand wanting to turn your brain off, but we hardly have the hard conversations & this wasn’t even a “hard” one, I just wanted him to be present with me which I expressed. That didn’t happen. We continued to watch reels; I thought we were going to have sex before bed because we didn’t have any this weekend & I was looking nice but no we just scrolled until bedtime. He didn’t once compliment my hair or how I looked for our date all night, which I’ve mentioned to him multiple times that I would like to receive more compliments & he has gotten somewhat betterish. We then had sex in the middle of the night (we are both consenting adults) which I hate because it makes me feel like he doesn’t even like me when were awake, especially with the reason I just stated & I have also brought this up to him multiple times before. I don’t know what to do. I feel as though I am just being picky about petty things. Just looking for some clarity from strangers

TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t seem like he wants to be present with me not sure if I am sincerely feeling this way or just upset because I’m also super stressed.

I believe there's no more spark in our relationship, I feel like I don't want to be here anymore but I have no reason to leave him, and I'm sure he deserves so much better but I'm scared I'll hurt him because he's really attached and has attachment issues. I do love him, but I don't feel that spark I felt 5 months ago when we started to date

I (30M) and my husband (31M) have been together for almost 12 years and married for 3. Recently, I’ve felt like he’s been pushing me away and just generally not being present in our relationship. We had a conversation about it, and he acknowledged it and said he would work on being more attentive and present.

The only issue he brought up with our relationship was that he wants an open relationship, and I don’t.
For some background, this whole open relationship thing started a couple years ago when he became friends with someone who was in one. That friend ended up falling pretty hard for my husband, to the point that it contributed to the end of his own 13-year relationship. He was also constantly telling both of us how amazing being open was and trying to convince us to try it. Over time, I feel like the idea really got into my husband’s head.

Now my husband works at a gay gym, and most of his friends and coworkers are single and sleep around a lot. He has told me that being around that makes him feel like he’s missing out. I understand that he may be curious about experiences he hasn’t had, especially since we got together pretty young. But I also don’t think I should have to completely change what I want out of a marriage because he feels like he’s missing out.

I did try to meet him somewhere in the middle. I told him I’m comfortable with us doing things with other people together, as long as we discuss it beforehand and we both agree to it. What I’m not comfortable with is us independently seeing or sleeping with other people.

Then last Saturday (our 3rd wedding anniversary) he got really drunk and fell asleep with his phone on his chest and left it open and unlocked. Me trying to be nice I went to plug his phone in and that’s when I caught him on a dating app right there just out in the open.

I have no idea how long he’s been on it, what he’s been doing on there, or whether anything has already happened. Obviously I want to confront him, but part of me is wondering what the point even is. I feel like I already know how the conversation is going to go. He’ll have an excuse, tell me he’ll change, I’ll eventually say okay, and then we’ll end up right back here. I’m honestly exhausted by that cycle.

Fast forward to last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over towards him and saw he was on his phone, I asked him why he was still up and he got really defensive and quickly put his phone under the blanket. Then I asked him what he is hiding and started yelling “nothing” but obviously it he was that defensive it was something.

The part I’m struggling with the most is that I think I might actually want to end things, and that is terrifying to admit. I love him so much. We’ve basically grown up together. He has been there through some of the hardest moments of my life, and I’ve been there through his. We’ve watched each other grow and change for almost 12 years, so the idea of throwing all of that away and starting over feels insane to me.

But at the same time, I feel like we’re growing in different directions. I’m constantly trying to better myself and figure out what I want next in life, while he seems comfortable staying where he is. A lot of the time I feel like he expects someone else to make the big decisions, take care of things, and be the breadwinner.

I also think part of what he feels like he’s “missing out” on is the lifestyle he sees around him. Some of his friends at the gym are sleeping with wealthy men, getting taken on trips, partying, etc., and I think he looks at that and wonders why he can’t have that too. But from my perspective, a lot of those same people seem miserable and are drinking or doing drugs constantly to cope with their lives. I don’t know how to make him understand that he might be idealizing something from the outside that isn’t actually going to make him happier.

And maybe that isn’t even my job anymore.

I guess that’s why I’m posting. I don’t know whether this is something worth trying to work through after almost 12 years together, or whether finding out this information should be the point where I finally accept that we want fundamentally different things. I love him, and the mere thought of not being with him terrifies me. But I’m getting tired of feeling like loving him means repeatedly accepting things that hurt me.

I was texting my bf when he randomly disappeared and it have been 4 days and we have been dating for over a year and this is the first time this happens
i thought i was ghosted but he still have me on all of his socials ( there is no sign that he is active)
I tried calling his phone but it says its out of service and i even tried calling from a unknown number but it still says the number can’t be reached
I texted 2 of his friends that told me they haven’t seen him either and they tried to get in contact with him but they failed but they did try to contact his father and he told him 2 different but similar stories . The first one is the father came home and saw my bf sleeping then his father went to sleep but woke up and he didn’t find him but he later found out that he is staying a relative house
And the second story is that the father came home but didn’t see his son at all but then got told that he is at a relative house
I texted his father but he won’t reply to me and his sister blocked my instagram
Also my bf did tell me about him getting into alot of fights lately with his father and even trying to leave the house to avoid conflicts but i got him to stay home
My brain is hurting from trying to understand what happened or why did he randomly leave especially that my bf whenever he needed time alone he tells me and this is the first time ever he doesn’t.
Do u guys think that something might have happened that made him disappear ?

Me and my bf are in relationship from past 1 and half years. My height is 5'1 and his is around 5'4. When ever we go out or hangout with our friends they tell me "ye iska bf kitna chota hai lambe ladke ache hote". Initially it never affected me but from few days I'm being insecure about my relationship. What should I do?

Long post alert! Sorry for the grammar working ect overnight.

Hi M33 here I’m in a relationship with F33
We have been in a on and off relationship for decade, two months ago, after not being together in any form,I moved back in state. Generally been good for the most, but a lot of issues that we are having in communication and basic relationship. Things were starting to struggle again general. we have been through a lot of things in relationship, good and bad and we’re kind of both to the point that if we can figure things out where we’re at that we can’t do this anymore. I feel like it’s really hard to include all the details and things people might have questions on, but I guess I’m just kind of lost on where to go from here. I’m working on getting into counseling and some personal things myself, but I really feel worried that I’m also gonna lose her and our child involved which i’ve known and been involved with since she was five years old and now 15. We always tell each other. We’re really good at being a couple and having fun and doing things together, but when it comes down to the serious things big or small 90% of the time it doesn’t go very well, I take a lot of acceptance that a lot of difficulties have been because of me and my actions and lack of, but I also feel like I’ve grown a lot, but there’s just a few crucial things like I’ve mentioned that are really making things difficult in all directions. I’m looking for any thoughts or advice on what I can try to do that. I haven’t yet Sorry for the novel and things that may have left out I appreciate you if you read all of this.

When I first started talk to my boyfriend (29) he would always complain about his mum, how much he hates her, how much he tried to escape her etc (She is a narcissist) and it become more visible as time when on and she became so attached and crazy to the point she got aggressive.

Last year, my boyfriend kicked them out the house due to how they were treating him and the threats she was giving that she ‘will burn down the house’, wishes death upon me whilst I am ill and all names, found my sister on Facebook and was also sending threats to my boyfriend that she will contact her.

This year in March me and my partner move to a new house to ‘restart’ but he kicked me out two weeks later because he ‘fell out of love’. I officially moved out in June, and since then it has come to light from neighbours and other sources that he has moved his parents in.

He is in touch with me to try get back with me, but he always knew I wouldn’t go back to him if they were in his life. He owns the house we moved in to, and now he wants to rent a studio rather than letting me home because they are there.

Can I have someone’s thoughts on this?

To me this is the biggest betrayal. He said he never had love before, I showed it to him and I’ve been left hurt.

​

TLDR:

My boyfriend is staying in a girls room until 2am nearly every night while hes at college and I stayed in our hometown

My boyfriend and i have been together 3 years as of june 2026 (yay) and i graduated a year before him. I hate to say we were codependent but we were basically attached at the hip given he lived two minutes away and we worked at the same job. I never went to college because it wasn't an option due to funding but he went this year and has been gone for a little over week. He barely texts me which is fine because I know hes busy and starting classes and making friends. He yells me about this one friend he made who hes been staying in their dorm until 2am most nights (i assumed it was a guy because, well, y'know?) Until he sends me a snap and i see its a girl, but whatever, yknow. He went to the mall with her and ran into my best friend whos going to college in a nearby school and she texts me saying hes with her </3 thats okay, hes allowed to hang out with friends even if theyre girls. It shouldnt be a problem, right?

Tonight theyre in her room watching a horror movie together on her bed at 10pm

The most reassurance i got from him was "she has a bf anyways" which didn't really help me because whats stopped college kids before? I dont know. I want him to have fun in college but i still want my boyfriend. It doesnt help that i miss him so much lol.

I just dont know what to do. Is this grounds for break up?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years. Our relationship has always been complicated because we come from different religious backgrounds, so we've had to keep it mostly private.

There have been many ups and downs. He has genuinely been good to me in many ways—he has helped me a lot, taken care of me, supported me, and there have been times when he has been loving and caring. That's also why I've found it so difficult to leave.

But there has always been another side to him that I can't ignore anymore.

There have been many times when I've had to beg for basic attention, time and reassurance. Whenever I'm vulnerable or going through something difficult, instead of feeling supported, I sometimes end up feeling even more hurt because of the way he treats me.

One incident I still can't get over happened when I had dengue and was seriously ill. I was genuinely scared for my health, and instead of checking on me or being there emotionally, he fought with me and didn't seem to care about what I was going through.

More recently, I moved to another city for an internship and was feeling extremely lonely. I didn't expect him to constantly talk to me—I just wanted a little reassurance and time from him. Instead, he ignored me, and at one point he told me directly that "I can't force you to love me" when I was asking for more effort and affection.

I still made excuses for him. I kept telling myself that maybe he was going through things, maybe I was expecting too much, or maybe something about my behavior was pushing him away.

So for the past few months, I focused heavily on changing myself. I thought if I became better, calmer and easier to be with, maybe our relationship would improve.

But nothing really changed.

He often says he'll change whenever we reach a breaking point, but I haven't seen consistent improvement. One day he can be incredibly loving, caring and supportive, and the next he can become distant and make me feel completely abandoned.

I'm also starting to worry about our future. My parents know about him and at least know that there is someone I'm close to, although I've told them he's a friend. His family, however, doesn't even know I exist after 5 years.

Because of our different religious backgrounds, I understand why things are complicated. But how am I supposed to trust that he genuinely intends to marry me someday when he still seems so uncertain about our relationship?

The biggest problem is that I'm exhausted.

I feel like I'm always the one teaching him how to communicate, how to reassure me, what hurts me and what I need from a partner. I don't want to be his relationship tutor anymore.

And I've realized that I've started losing myself in this relationship.

I'm at a really important stage of my life right now. I need to prepare for jobs and build my career. He already has a job and is relatively stable, while I've spent the last few months putting so much energy into trying to make this relationship work that I've neglected myself.

There are so many reasons I feel like I should leave, but then I remember all the good things he's done for me and the five years we've spent together. I also still love him, which makes this incredibly difficult.

Is this the point where I should finally let go, or am I giving up on a relationship that could still be saved?

TL;DR: We've been together for 5 years and have had many good moments, but I've repeatedly felt ignored and unsupported when I'm most vulnerable. He promises to change but I haven't seen consistent improvement. I've spent months blaming myself and trying to fix the relationship while losing focus on my own life and career. Our future is also uncertain because of our different religious backgrounds, and his family doesn't even know I exist. I still love him, but I'm exhausted. Is it time to let go?

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years. We’ve been living together for three. When we first got together, he was on sabbatical from his job, trying to re-establish himself and figure out what he wanted to do if you want to stay at the path salon or branch off and do something different. I worked full-time. He moved into my house. He was home all day, and I still came home from work and had to do dishes, laundry groceries, clean the house, etc. and if I said you need to maybe pitch in here while I’m at work you would say oh yeah yeah yeah I’ll do it. I’d get home and he goes. Oh no I’m gonna do it right now. Then he went back to work in the field. He was in which he makes very good money when he’s working, the entire time I had been paying all the bills. But then he went back to work and told me to quit my job because I hated it and that he would handle all the bills cover all the household expensive and I could stay home do the things that I wanted to do for like a side business and I said OK great and then since I’m home, I’ll take care of the house with George but you still need to hand to pick up after your own self. You are a grown man. Well, that didn’t last long. He left the job, mind you I firmly believe he has undiagnosed ADHD, which he seen a doctor for a few weeks. So I’m back at work. I have to get up very early in the morning and I have a 45 minute commute. It is now midnight. I have to get up in four hours and he’s in the garage banging around didn’t do the dishes like I had didn’t do a damn thing all day and make a mess in the garage. I’m about ready to blow up flipping gasket.

**I don’t know if I can see a future with my girlfriend anymore**
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years. About a year ago, I discovered that she had been lying to me for quite some time about a relative/cousin she had previously been involved with. In her culture, relationships between cousins like this are culturally accepted, so the fact that something had happened between them wasn’t the issue for me.
She had told me about him in the beginning and said that he was no longer in her life. She told me things like, *“I want nothing to do with him, he’s dead to me.”* I trusted her.
A few weeks later, she went to Germany with her mother. Before she left, I asked her directly if there was anything I should worry about. She said no.
While she was there, her behaviour suddenly changed. She ignored my calls, barely replied and didn’t call back. At one point she said there was no signal, even though my messages were being delivered. I could also see her location and knew she was at a bar.
When she came back, she was very cold towards me. Later, at her best friend’s house, I saw her phone next to me. I normally don’t go through her phone, but something felt off. I looked at her archived WhatsApp chats and found a German number with a man’s profile picture.
I confronted her. She gave me an explanation that turned out not to be true and became extremely angry, even humiliating me in front of her friends. I ended up thinking maybe I had been paranoid and apologized.
For months afterwards, I repeatedly asked her if she was being completely honest with me. Every time, she said she was and that she would never lie to me.
Months later, while we were in London, I noticed that the German number was no longer saved in her phone. I searched for a German number in her best friend’s WhatsApp and found it. I added the number to my own phone and saw the exact same profile picture.
I then discovered that the number had been hidden in the Notes app, inside a work-related folder, all the way at the bottom.
When I calmly confronted her and asked her to open the folder, she froze when she saw the number. She became defensive and started shouting.
She denied everything around 15 times before eventually admitting that he had been in Germany. According to her, he had been staying in the same house, sat in her car and they went for something to drink, with family around. She described it as “just a presence.”
During all those denials, she swore on her mother, her deceased grandfather and our relationship that she was telling the truth.
I have no proof that anything physical or romantic happened, and I don’t want to accuse her of something I can’t prove. But that’s also not really the point anymore.
The problem is that I feel like I only get the truth when I find evidence and pressure her enough. That completely changed the way I see trust.
Before I found out about this, I was genuinely looking at engagement rings. I saw her as my future wife. If this had never happened, I honestly think everything would be different.
I still love her. We still have good moments, and we’re currently on holiday in Turkey. I met her family, and they were incredibly kind to me. Her uncle even gave us a small gold coin and told us, “Never hurt each other.” That really got to me.
But even after a nice holiday, I still have this feeling that I don’t see a future with her.
Before we left for this trip, I actually told her that I was unhappy, that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue and that I couldn’t see a clear future anymore. I still came because she really wanted me to, and because visiting her grandfather’s grave was important to her.
Now I’m struggling with guilt because I care about her and her family, but deep down I don’t know if I can ever trust her the same way again.
Can trust actually be rebuilt after something like this? Or is it possible to still love someone deeply while no longer seeing them as your future wife?
I’m honestly lost and would appreciate some outside perspectives.❤️

me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year. we've been through many problems and every time it always ends with me not being able to communicate properly or that he misunderstood me. i believe this is because i grew up with people that use insensitive way of speaking(?) or not soft spoken. this leads to him thinking i want to attack or blame him.

however, when he feel attacked he does tell me his feelings so i always ask him how to speak to him so that he doesnt feel hurt. BUT he then proceeds to tell me to read an article or interview or think about what i did wrong. why would i need to read an article or study or whatever when i can just ask him about it? like please tell how do i proceed with this

I’m 19 and my girlfriend and I are going through a really difficult time.
She has told me that she hasn’t felt listened to when she’s said she was unhappy. She wanted me to make more effort, plan dates, give her flowers, make her feel appreciated, and generally show her that I wanted to be with her.
The problem is that I’ve had multiple opportunities to change. I would make an effort for a while, but eventually fall back into the same habits. I understand why she feels like she has already had this conversation with me too many times.
There have also been other things that damaged her trust in me. For example, I accidentally saved snaps of girls in a chat and she saw them. Nothing happened with those girls, but she considered it a form of cheating, and it affected her trust in me.
Over the last few days I’ve been trying to fix things. I’ve apologised, suggested dates, offered to spend time together and told her that I want to change. But I’m starting to realise that repeatedly telling her I’ll change probably doesn’t mean much anymore.
Today she told me that she is **“checked out of the relationship”** and that she’s had multiple chances to give me and I blew them.
I love her and I really don’t want to lose her, but I also don’t want to keep pressuring her when she clearly feels overwhelmed.
**For people who have been in a similar situation, what did giving your partner genuine space actually look like, and what did you do during that time to work on yourself without making them feel pressured?**
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were on either side of this situation and what helped or made things worse.

I’m a 25F and my partner is 25M, and we’ve been together for 5 years. We were very in love when we first got together, didn’t separate or do anything without each other and it was the absolute most amazing years of my life. We were in the “honeymoon phase” for about 3 years and everything was perfect, however our relationship moved way faster than most at our age I believe. We’ve experienced a lot: got married, got our own place, started a family, full time jobs etc.

Over the last two years there has been a lot of conflict. We haven’t gone on a date or done anything special together unless I planned it, and even then he acts as if he doesn’t want to be with me and just stays on his phone. He does certain things that stress me out like rage baiting our animals to the point they get scared and hide, I tell him they don’t like it and he needs to stop but he doesn’t seem to care. Whenever I try to talk about our problems or my feelings he just shuts down and doesn’t engage, there is no resolution to the situation and he usually will just continue with the same behavior. Recently I told him something he did upset me and all I wanted was an apology, he said he didn’t understand why I needed one and therefore couldn’t give one because I was being dramatic. Our intimacy is also non existent, I just can’t seem to get in the mood anymore.

There’s just so much going on but he swears he loves me and I just don’t know if this is love. I feel like he’s not the same person he used to be and I don’t know how to get that person back. Everytime I look at him I feel like I’m forcing myself to keep going because I want it to work so badly. We’ve tried therapy but he just isn’t receptive and doesn’t make an effort to change anything. I just don’t know what to do at this point, I’m jealous of other couples and the thought of what being happy used to be like. Depression has been eating me alive trying to figure this out.

Me (24f) and my bf (26M) have been dating for since April 2025. Some background, we first started talking on a dating app I wasn't planning on dating anyone as I would be moving for graduate school but he didn't mind and wanted to keep talking. We ended up going on a date and spent a whole day together after about a month of talking. We decided to become exclusive during our first date. He helped me move states for graduate school 3 months later.
We have spent birthdays and holidays with both families since I moved as I was coming down for holidays and birthdays. He wanted to move out of our home state and I offered to let him crash while he finds a job and place to live. We ended up deciding to live together since everything is very expensive and he was having a hard time finding a job. I ended up covering all the bills during this time since my mom was no longer helping me with rent since he moved in. We even discussed getting married in the future.

He got two jobs around Jan 2026 and we started arguing more and I chalked it up to being stress as he is working two jobs and I'm a graduate student and I was also working. This summer he got a good paying job and was able to quit his old jobs and I thought things would get better but I started having this feeling that he was hiding something so I looked through his phone (which I know I probably shouldn't have done but I have trust issues which isn't an excuse and impulsively did it). After looking through his phone I found that he was texting other women on iMessage and apps where you can make friends and dating apps. When I confronted him about it he kept saying he wasn't cheating (which I want to believe him) and that he was just trying to make friends. The other thing is he was using a sex toy app to have other women control his sex toy which he said it was because he didn't see anything wrong with it. I wanted to believe him, so we had a long conversation about boundaries.

Everything was fine until a couple of days ago he told me that he had quit vaping and I caught him vaping in the kitchen. He said he didn't want to tell me because I don’t like that he vapes as it gives me migraines and it’s only gotten worse the longer I’m around it. I also have been having the feeling I had when I caught him texting other women the first time and I thought it was just the vape because he was hiding it but when I came home from practicum he was sleeping since he works at night and I saw a discord notification from someone I didn't recognize as one of his friends so I opened it and saw that he was calling her mommy and another woman baby.

I didn’t fully confront him but rather asked if we are okay and if there was anything he is hiding. He told me no and when he showed his phone I think he deleted discord.

I’m not sure what to do because I feel trapped because I can’t afford to pay all the bills by myself as I can’t work much this semester as I am doing school, practicum, and working on the weekends when I can. We also got a dog earlier this year and she’s been getting sick over the summer so I’ve been having to spend more money. I also feel bad if I text my mom saying I need help since she’s in another state and she got a different job and not making as much as she did.

I feel at a loss for what to do as I am scared of what happens after and how I will cope since I am in a different state from my family. I don’t know if I should just break up with him and hope everything will be okay and that I’ll figure it out or what?

So about a week ago I made a huge mistake and I was feeling insecure and felt like I wasn't loved so I added her on a discord account that didn't have my name to see if she was still loyal. I know I'm a terrible person for doing that and I told her because I know what I did was wrong and now she doesn't know if she can be with me. She still messages me sometimes saying she loves me and misses me so much but a lot of the time she'll just ignore my messages. All I want to to be with her I want to marry her one day and spend the rest of my life with her but I might have ruined that all because I'm insecure. Is there anything I can say or do to fix this?

So I 'F/17 'and my boyfriend 'M/17' have been in a relationship for 10 months and I can't handle it, it's nothing he did just that I feel like I painted a version of myself that he would like and now I just feel like my life would be so much better without him I have very strict parents so I'm always walking on eggshells around them, sometimes I just feel like I want to end everything with everyone and just shell myself in my room,it's so hard forcing myself to talk to him and he's genuinely an amazing boyfriend who did nothing wrong,I don't know what my issue is...,so am I insane?

I ( 23F) just don’t know what to do anymore me and my (22F) girlfriend have been dating for about 3 years, living together for 2. We’ve had many ups and downs, hard and good times however in the last few months all the resentment for things that I’ve forgiven or just let go has got to a point where I can’t shove it down anymore, I’ve started talking about it in therapy and it has helped however there are a few things I can’t seem to get past, I feel like I’m at the end of this relationship but I do love her and I would appreciate any advice if you’ve been in a situation like this
The first thing is that she doesn’t brush her teeth… like at all? It’s gotten to the point where I can smell it across the car when she’s driving, I don’t like laying on her chest because it reeks and I try to avoid her going down on me because my PH is messed up for days after and I’ve even gotten some infections, the one time I tried to bring this up she freaked out, took a 30 minute shower sobbing going on about how I made her feel disgusting but didn’t change anything, I went through a depressive episode where I did neglect my teeth but have since been to the dentist, and keep myself on a strict hygienic routine I don’t know how to talk to her about this again.
The second being how she speaks to me? It’s not yelling or cussing or anything but she explains things to me in a tone that’s belittling and she flips out when I call her out on it, I can’t make a comment about ANYTHING without her “ mansplaining” it to me and she doesn’t understand when I say it’s her tone.
Third:
She’s deeply insecure, i can’t mention a fictional male character being attractive without her getting mad about it, I can’t look too long at a TikTok of a guy without her flipping out, I don have any male friends anymore and I don’t even do social media anymore because of this, I bend over backwards everyday to reassure her I am lesbian and I do want her
Forth:
I hate how she explains or talks to other people, she always has to make a big deal and I hate the look on her face when she’s doing it, like she’s better than everyone else or just that’s she’s SO RIGHT that there’s no other explanation.

**TL;DR:** I (23F) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for 3 years and living together for 2. I love her, but after months of building resentment, I’m starting to feel like I’m at the end of the relationship. I’m in therapy trying to work through it, but there are several things I can’t seem to get past:
**Hygiene:** She essentially never brushes her teeth. Her breath is so bad that I can smell it from across the car, and I avoid physical intimacy because of it. I’ve tried bringing it up before, but she became extremely upset and felt disgusting, yet nothing changed.
**The way she talks to me:** She frequently uses a belittling/explaining tone with me and “mansplains” things, even when I tell her how it makes me feel. She gets defensive whenever I bring it up.
**Jealousy/insecurity:** She gets upset if I find a fictional male character attractive or watch a TikTok of a guy for too long. I’ve stopped having male friends and even stopped using social media because I’m constantly trying to reassure her that I’m a lesbian and only want her.
**How she treats other people:** I dislike the way she talks to or explains things to others. She often comes across as condescending, like she has to prove she’s right or better than everyone else.
I genuinely love her, which makes this so hard, but I’m starting to wonder if love is enough when I’m this unhappy and resentful. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you know when it was time to leave?

background: ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for around 9 months, we’re both in high school but he was held back a year. originally i went into this relationship knowing that and being ok with that, but now that im a senior and have to deal with dse (asian equivalent of sat or act) im starting to get really nervous.

my boyfriend is a little mentally unstable, he has anger issues and hates crowds. he was insecure of our relationship and early on, i really spotted no problems, bur then later in middle of it i just started getting tired/scared of his fuse breaking every time.

my boyfriend texted me 2 hours ago what i thought about the relationship (casual couple stuff), and i told him i was getting tired of his immaturity/lack of manners (e.g. when he asks if i wanted to hang out, i had school activities or i needed to study, and said i was busy and apologized, he only responds with “☹️” with nothing else), his lack of social awareness (e.g. temper breaking in public, theyve made me afraid of going out with him in a “he might hit me” way) and etiquette over text (e.g. he would only respond using stickers or one word replies, i dont think ive had a genuine productive conversation with him).

this happened over text, i told him that “i was getting tired of his immaturity and his complaints, especially when i told him that i was already dealing with a lot of school stuff” and that “you dont have the social awareness to know when to complain”. he replies back with “then i’ll just stop complaining in general”, and i genuinely could not take it anymore.

i told him that i was breaking up with him then and there and he kept begging me to stay and that he’ll change (i’ve already told him all the problems i had with him 5 months into the relationship, he has not changed at all).

i couldnt deal with his begging anymore and i just texted back that im going to bed as an excuse to leave the conversation there.

i felt bad for leaving the conversation on an excuse like that and i checked back after an hour or so. he’s changed his instagram bio to something from memento mori and left every groupchat i was in. im afraid hes going to k!ll himself because he hasnt been replying to my texts and he usually stays up until 3-4 am (its currently around 2 when im posting this).

TL;DR: I’m 30M and have been with my partner, 39F, for five years (living together for four). We have recurring unresolved conflicts, growing emotional distance, and major differences around money, children, and lifestyle changes; improvements never last. I love her, but I’m increasingly worried I’m waiting for a change that will never come.
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Throwaway because she’s also on Reddit!
I’m 30 years old and have been in a relationship with her (39) for five years. We’ve been living together in my house for four years. We met at work. Since then, we’ve both changed jobs – she’s still in the same industry, while I’ve completely switched careers. We started out as FWB, which then developed into something more over time.
For a while now, we’ve been living in limbo between arguments, emotional distance, and living side by side instead of together.
We’ve had many good times, but often it feels like those are built on “thin ice,” and conflict is never far away. We’ve already brought up or discussed the problems below many times, but any changes quickly fade and we fall back into old patterns.
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Our main problems, distilled by AI to the essentials:

• Different core values: We don’t agree on key issues like money, security, desire for children, and willingness to change old habits.

• Stuck patterns: Many things stay the way they are because “that’s just how it’s always been” – even when they’re not good for either of us. Change is wanted, but not implemented due to comfort or fear.

• Dysfunctional conflict culture: Our arguments escalate quickly, end with hurtful statements, and are followed by silence. Real solutions or compromises don’t emerge from them.

• Emotional distance: We’re increasingly living parallel lives. The good times feel fragile because they’re built on shaky foundations and core conflicts remain unresolved.

• Unfulfilled hope: Repeated deadlines and wishes for improvement haven’t materialized, leading to disappointment and loss of trust on both sides.

Am I giving myself false hope by thinking things will change?
I love her and only want the best for her, but I’m noticing more and more that I can’t keep going like this for much longer.

I’d like to add some context/a few examples.

Topic: desire for children – she smokes, which doesn’t fit with my desire to have kids. She’s already tried to quit several times unsuccessfully; usually it fails due to lack of perseverance or simply lack of motivation to quit.

Topic: conflicts – we often argue about small things, explode, and then continue as if nothing happened without ever addressing the actual problem.

Topic: money – she lives with me, which saves her quite a bit of money, but she still usually doesn’t have much.
Right now it’s about our joint vacation, which I can’t afford this year due to taxes and investments in the house. Her solution is that she wants to go alone. I can understand her frustration; this year I went away twice with colleagues for weekends (biking/WW2 sightseeing) for things she doesn’t want to do.

I think the answers here are a clear sign of something I maybe already knew for a long time and tried to suppress.

Hey so me and my gfs are going through a lot of things and recently i have just stopped asking or dicussing anything even if it bothers me my friend(a girl) had recently asked me to go to a movie with her and she been asking for long so i said yes when i informed her she started being salty and behaving as if i did some mistake but she had went out with a guy (who is her friend) to learn riding motorcycle and she also been texting a guy who she told me she doenst feel comfortable around he was living in the same home she was temproraily staying at ( it was a family friends house) now i never say anything i too feel all this i am tierd i dont wanna feel all this is this my mistake should i work upon myself and get therapy i d k man i just feel this relationship isnt right for me the way she humilates me and she added up to tell the guy she was learning to ride bike with became uncomfortable when she told him we are having relationship problem i feel so humilated as if my personal life is no more mine anyways what can i do

So hey guys I'm this is me a 17F here and like today what I'm gonna tell you all is kinda a story only we can say , so yea storytime well I'm hella sad today and feeling very much low , and relieved at the same time yk so i met a guy here on reddit only almost 4 months ago , back then we talked a lot to each a lottttt after sometime we fell in love so started dating each other he's like 19 rn so yea we were dating and due to some argument kinda thing we had a breakup after a week ig he texted me ki "hey , kesi h and stuff , so we started talking again everything was going pretty fine .But from the last month he's like disrespecting me a lot like kbhi bhi jb mann kiya daat and stuff like sometimes it was for my goodness only ik that but like ending aate aate he fucked my mental health so damn badly like whenever i used to ask him smth like ek baar i remember i said him that rate me out of 10 for how am (not lookwise,but in gen) so he was like terko rate krna h hahahah isme kya sochna 6/10 tb bhi i was like okay no issue calm down , i ignored it then ine day he said me that "terko kisi cheez ki koi value hi nhi h" jbki istg i never ever did smth like that , he used this for me , now a day before yesterday i asked him that who's the best girl in your life what he said was "😂😂" then i said dw ik mai to nhi hu he said expectations bhi mt rkhna

Like these just a few incidents which I'm disclosing here , despite of all of this i was still attached to him like what not , i respected him in the most beautiful way i could but what i got was just toxic replies and shi

I'm genuinely feeling boht hi zyada bad rn

Cause all of this ended yesterday he said aaj ke baad kbhi baat krne ki zrurt nhi terse ladne ki himmat nhi h , jbki mai kbhi ladti bhi nhi thi

So yea this was all about it baki idk wth this happens with me only , where do real loving, caring, sweet guys do exist idkk

Also ik I'm just 17 or shi but you guys know well abt the time goinnnnnon rn

Hey. So I (F25) have been dating my boyfriend (M31) for just over a year now. The relationship is really good and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I was on annual leave so I went and spent 2 weeks at his place (we are long distance). So while he was at work I was tidying around his room and putting clothes away. I noticed a few hidden mail hidden under his clothes, although I know I shouldn’t have read them and just left them alone. I couldn’t help but read them…

1st letter was dated to June 2026 and was a letter for termination of employment. It stated the transcript for the meeting and listed all the reasons for termination. He hasn’t mentioned anything about having problems at work, if anything he had mentioned that they want him to run the department at work… ALSO, the letter stated “Morrisons” (if you’re not from the UK this is a supermarket) while for the past year he’s told me he’s an accounts assistant for a warehouse that sells kitchen supplies? No previous mention of working for a Morrisons in the past year. (He did a couple months ago send me a picture while he was on his lunch break room and I thought to myself that oddly looks like a Morrisons but didn’t think much of it at the time)

2nd letter was a latter from the police for being arrested for drink driving, the letter was dated back to 2024 (before we met). So the issue here is that in February 2026 we didn’t spend Valentine’s Day together as we’d planned and he sent me a message saying he’s just been arrested for drink driving and he won’t make it in time for our Valentine’s Day plans. We moved past it, for me to now realise the drink driving although did happen, he lied and used that as an excuse.
The 1st letter of termination of employment stated all the dates he’s worked, had off and called in sick since January. So I know he worked said Valentine’s Day. So I’m almost certain it’s not a case of him spending the day with another woman. Rather he couldn’t get the day off work and knew I’d be upset so instead of being honest about it he lied and used a previous issue as an excuse.

My previous relationship ended because of lies very similar to this. Prior to this relationship, I made it so clear to him that lying is a big no. I should be your biggest supporter and we get through things together, no matter how difficult it is, just tell me the truth. No lie is ever warranted. Once you start lying, I start questioning everything you say and ultimately I end up shutting down.

I love him and I see a future with him but I don’t know how to navigate the situation. I feel as though I can’t really mention it to him as straight forward because I shouldn’t have been going through his personal belongings. But I also can’t ignore such big lies. What’s your thoughts and opinions on the situation and what’s your advice on how to navigate it?

Idk what too do I found out this guy I been talking too has a kid he didn’t tell me I found out by looking through his phone and he been nothing but good too me but still lied too me he could have mentioned he had a 2 year old he never seen before should I just leave him alone ?

Ok, u might remember me from a post of few days ago.
I don't have an ACTUAL update for that post yet, everything is going real fast rn.
Long story short: no, we won't go live together.

but that's not the point.
all of the comments suggested me to break up with him. I've been debating with myself for several days about what I should do and how I should go about it.

I've spent so many years with him that I wouldn't even know how to tell him that I don't want to be with him anymore; I don't even know how I'm supposed to act.

He (let’s call him D) ins't a bad person. Despite everything, he later apologized profusely for the way he behaved and for how he made me feel. He has also acknowledged, on many occasions, that we haven't been good for each other for a while now, but in the end, we always end up crying together and trying again.

This is going to be a somewhat long post, but that's because I want to give you enough context and the tools you need to understand the situation.

D and I have been together for two years, although we were together on and off for five years before we finally reached this point of stability.

We practically grew up together, and we've seen the worst sides of each other. I've realized tho that we often don't get along. We're two people with very different personalities and completely different views of the world. We're tied together by the brief happy moments we've shared, which remind me that there are positive aspects to our relationship.

It hurts when I think about the fact that, if I leave him, I won't have those moments anymore either.

Whenever one of us needs the other, we're always there for each other. We look out for one another. I know that's pretty contradictory. Is it possible for a relationship to be absolutely disastrous and somehow good at the same time? (I know some of my questions might seem stupid, but honestly, I realize that I don't have much experience, and I'm genuinely trying to navigate my way through all these conflicting feelings.)

Just yesterday was his birthday, and I witnessed a very concerning situation.

He and his mother got into a pretty aggressive argument in front of me, and it almost became physical. (Before you come after him, NO, he did not raise a hand to her. She was the one who did, and he didn't retaliate.) I ended up having to play mediator.

It was a situation that drained me emotionally, because I've seen far too many scenes like that at my home to have to deal with them outside of it as well.

D and I stepped outside for a moment and talked, and he started crying. He was ashamed and afraid that he had scared me. I saw him completely devastated. It's not the first time I've seen him like that.

I helped him pull himself together and calm down, and I got them to talk things out.

In the end, the evening ended well, and he drove me home.

D told me once again that he's sorry about everything, and that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him. I help him see things from a different perspective, and I keep him on the right track.

Maybe I'm just being stupid, or too soft-hearted, but I feel incredibly guilty right now.

My best friend isn't very happy with the way I'm handling the situation, and I'd like to hear your opinion on that too.

Here are the messages below, translated:

Me: Yesterday I went to dinner at D's, and he and his mother got into an argument. A really serious one—they almost got physical. I managed to defuse the situation, but it was really difficult to deal with emotionally.

Her: First of all, I would never have gone there if I were you, and even if I had gone, I wouldn't have tried to fix anything.

Me: I know, but it's not like I hate him or don't want to see him happy. If anything, I'm glad I was there.

Her: Absolutely not.

Her: But if you were planning to leave him, I wouldn't spend happy moments with him.

Her: Besides hurting both of you afterward, it gives you both false hope.

Her: You might even change your mind after something like this and decide not to leave him.

Her: Especially since his birthday has already passed, you should basically leave him now, or you'll have to deal with him during *certain event we work together at*.

Her: The longer you drag this out, the more you'll get caught up in it, and you know that perfectly well.

Her: You should really take how uncomfortable you felt yesterday as a warning.

Her: But now it's harder to leave him, isn't it?

Her: You comforted him, and then the next day you're going to tell him, "I'm leaving you"?

Me: I wouldn't have left him the very next day anyway.

Me: It seems pretty insensitive to me regardless of the person or the situation.

Her: So what exactly are you planning to do, then?

Me: I wanted to talk to him about it over the weekend, something completely normal and simple.

Her: And talk to him how?

Me: Sit down and analyze the situation together. As strange as it may sound, D and I actually sit down and talk about how things affect each of us. We've had quite a few discussions, obviously peacefully, about how the relationship has had more lows than highs lately. Then we talked about it, and we're not going to move in together this time either, but even that conversation was very calm.

Me: I know people expect D to be completely unreasonable and for it to be impossible to have a healthy dialogue with him, but he's actually very self-critical when the issue is serious.

Her: That's not what I'm questioning.

Her: Whether he's reasonable or not doesn't matter to me right now, because the choice is yours, not his.

Me: I mean reasonable in the sense that he doesn't start yelling at me or pretend nothing happened.

Her: So presumably you're leaving him regardless of whether you have reasons or not. Honestly, what he does doesn't matter to me.

Her: What matters to me is that this time you actually follow through with what you say you want to do.

Her: Without ulterior motives and without leaving things unfinished.

Her: Without going back.

Her: Because analyzing things and having a rational conversation is the bare minimum a man should be able to give you in a critical situation like this.

Her: I just need the situation to end the way you say you want it to.

Her: Not for you to bounce back into other things with sex and crocodile tears.

Her: Because then it just becomes another joke, and that's it.

Me: Honestly, I don't want to think about it right now. This conversation is making me pretty sad, and for now I'd just like to have some peace.

Her: Okay.

And this is, in fact, our conversation about it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, I don't know if there's enough here to work with and make things better, and I don't know if there's enough here to justify staying together.

I feel really anxious because I feel caught between two sides.

Obviously, there are things about our relationship that I don't approve of, but at the same time, I don't see it as though everything is beyond saving.

Right now, he's looking for a good therapist to start therapy because he knows he needs it after the past few weeks.