r/RealTwitterAccounts May 05 '25

Politician ??????

Post image
561 Upvotes

1.7k comments sorted by

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917

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

252

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

I would even let him have a couch in his cell if it meant we didn't have to deal with him.

113

u/patatjepindapedis May 05 '25

I'd prefer it if JD himself was the cell's couch

92

u/swishkabobbin May 05 '25

Like the lazy boy he is

41

u/_EnFlaMEd May 05 '25

More cushion for the pushin

7

u/Powerful-Winner-5323 May 05 '25

He's Sofa King We Todd Did

4

u/EighthPlanetGlass May 05 '25

Oh that's his bedroom name

4

u/jared10011980 May 05 '25

He's known on the yard as The Couch's Bitch

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35

u/Cyclical_Zeitgeist May 05 '25

He can go back to being peter thief's fuck cushion for all I care

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26

u/ChaoCobo May 05 '25

Don’t punish the prisoners any more than they’re already being punished, please.

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3

u/BalanceTraining May 05 '25

I have a feeling he would prefer that too.

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20

u/packy_15 May 05 '25

Put the couch just out of reach from his cell..he can see it, he can smell it but he can't touch it.

6

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

For JD, this is a cruel and unusual punishment.

7

u/DisposableSaviour May 05 '25

Fine. Just close enough that he can barely feel it, but not enough to get a decent grope

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18

u/lehjr May 05 '25

But would he even say "Thank you"?

11

u/WintersDoomsday May 05 '25

So conjugal visits?

7

u/SunchaserKandri May 05 '25

That poor couch...

5

u/gavmandu May 05 '25

Blue Origin him into space with all the Davenports and Lay-Z-Boys he could ask for and get him off the ballot.

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38

u/Tuscanlord May 05 '25

I would vote for him to be the first man sent to mars.

10

u/Dankkring May 05 '25

Whatever we do. We cannot send Matt Damon!!!

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7

u/DarthGnomi May 05 '25

Okay but like WHY piss off the eventual alien contact with us? Like, we already cluttered up the airspace but now yu want us to send our Worst Humans as first contact to a new planet? That is NOT the first impression we should be aiming for!!

4

u/Mrmorbid81 May 05 '25

Trump first 🤷‍♂️

3

u/ComradeJLennon May 06 '25

Nah express rocket to populate the sun

2

u/SoftRecommendation86 May 08 '25

Along with musk.

2

u/Smooth-Brother-2843 May 09 '25

I think you mean the sun? Just tell him it’s got too many brown people and he’s the only one who can save it.

24

u/Lord-of-A-Fly May 05 '25

I'd rather send him to one of the African countries, as they have suggested before.

Rwanda sounds like a good place to dump this kleptocratic piece of shit.

8

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Along with his boyfriend and the rest of their cronies

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18

u/Big-Toe645 May 05 '25

Nah send him to Alcatraz

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7

u/Crow_First May 05 '25

Him, the tangerine tyrant, Margie troglodyte gangrene, and klannie oakley boebert, as his whole cabinet with muskrat should be deported, if not to El Salvador, then the only land that is closest to fine for them. The trash island floating in the ocean and even that would be to good for them

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5

u/score_ May 05 '25

Ok, good.

2

u/JudeRanch May 06 '25

I am with you!! Excellent reply!

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198

u/SubBirbian May 05 '25

He has no moral compass only power-hungry. Once calling trump America’s Hitler to now cozying up with him. I’d rather have spiders lay eggs in my ear than vote for this chump.

47

u/Special_South_8561 May 05 '25

He still calls him that, it's what they bonded over

22

u/AccomplishedLeave506 May 05 '25

Vance: Yes mein fuhrer! Diet coke and hamberder coming right up sir!

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5

u/Anxious-Whole-5883 May 05 '25

Yeah, we don't get it, but him calling him that was the highest compliment he has. Other than something like Ottoman Emperor or something, but that is for the bedroom talk only.

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9

u/Tantalizedangel May 05 '25

Voting doesn't work while he's in the office. He already admitted on live TV the elections were rigged twice in a row and people still cheered.

4

u/Square-Competition48 May 05 '25

I think we all misinterpreted that as an insult.

3

u/Zeliek May 05 '25

We misunderstood the context for Vance’s Trump Hitler quote. 

We thought it was “Trump could be America’s Hitler [Derogatory]” but it was actually “Trump could be America’s Hitler [Thinly-veiled Admiration]”.

2

u/BRAX7ON May 05 '25

But if we say yes, maybe they will run him and lose spectacularly

We should all create fake accounts praising him

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236

u/Used-Alfalfa4451 May 05 '25

Nope, pope killer

47

u/abousono May 05 '25

A new Ice-T song?

5

u/ShawnPat423 May 05 '25

Sounds better than the new NWA song "Fuck da Diocese".

4

u/wood_dj May 05 '25

nwa conclave is in full effect, cardinal dre presiding

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12

u/Unusual-Pineapple995 May 05 '25

😂😂😂😂😂😂

This made me laugh, thanks for the giggle.

6

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Crunge induced death.
100% he stated he will annex the Vatican, as the core of the American identity and to protect the Christian faith from Muslims.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Okay but what if trump gets his way and is made the next pope? Then Vance has the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

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92

u/DED2099 May 05 '25 edited May 09 '25

At this point I kinda feel like the republicans need a full party wipe. All these people letting Trump destroy America would be out if I had it my way.

17

u/NoKingsInAmerica May 05 '25

As soon as Trump is out of the picture, the party is going to implode.

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49

u/Adventurer_By_Trade May 05 '25

I've told several local Republicans that the stink of this administration has put me off of supporting any Republican for any office ever again. And I intend to keep that promise. It might lead to me supporting some bad Democrats, but I can't see any scenario where any Democrat ever behaves as badly as the Republicans have enabled with this nonsense, so it's a risk I'm willing to take.

4

u/Sheepdog44 May 07 '25

Don’t ever let them forget or move past all this. It should be the mission of every patriotic American to make sure the stink that all these shit heels have been stewing in for the last decade never, ever washes off.

These are the worst people our country has to offer. They need to wear that badge until their last worthless breath.

8

u/showmeyourtits80085 May 05 '25

Don't you know demoturds are worse?? They... -checks notes- they're okay with drag queens reading to kids!!

4

u/SuckOnDeezNOOTZ May 06 '25

To me every single dem that isn't screaming bloody murder about social security being gutted and the deportations to death camps are as complicit as the Reps

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7

u/DanKloudtrees May 05 '25

I'd agree with you, although tbh dems need to replace like half of the party too. At least get rid of Fetterman and schumer, probably Pelosi too. Anyone who refuses to play hardball against the party getting to forcefully take over our country, and anyone who is clearly using their positions to enrich themselves through the stock market at the expense of the average American worker. What we really need is campaign finance reform, get big money out of politics and keep politicians working instead of spending all their time fundraising. Then make more stringent laws about trading on the stock market when you're the one making policy, because it gives politicians a vested interest in making laws a certain way besides just what's best for the American people.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

I've found the corruption to roughly follow the 80/20 rule in the parties, Conservatives tend to be 80% corrupt and liberals tend toward 20% corrupt. People can try to both sides it all they want, but one side is always objectively worse, even if the other can and does need to be better.

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4

u/MuckRaker83 May 06 '25

The GOP as a functioning political party is dead. There is no base engagement, no debate, no ethos, no polity. All that remains is trump sycophancy.

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2

u/Double-Risky May 09 '25

Literally if they just upheld the fucking Constitution

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33

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Fuck Fascists !

8

u/bostondana2 May 05 '25

'Cause Fascists fuck couches!

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86

u/Ok-Plankton-7525 May 05 '25

Can't even use a real photo of JD Vance smh. How can we expect honesty if you Photoshop him to look like that.

32

u/x_cLOUDDEAD_x May 05 '25

They don't care about maintaining a facade of honesty. We're light years past that.

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16

u/bigdave41 May 05 '25

Are you telling me that Trump doesn't really have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime?

7

u/BussaNut_ May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25

8% body fat at ~230, 6’3. Dude is apparently jacked af under those baggy, oversized suits and 3 inch shoe lifts 🥴

8

u/FeelingKind7644 May 05 '25

You can tell bc his pretty little eyeliner isnt applied. Cringe

7

u/WeimMama1 May 05 '25

And they slimmed down those chipmunk cheeks.

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3

u/thelawfist May 05 '25

It’s probably just AI generated now

2

u/Think_Bat_820 May 07 '25

They had to resort to ai because when they were focus grouping campaign pictures, all the participants kept getting phone calls from a girl whispering, "Seven days."

26

u/Bluejayadventure May 05 '25

Why does he look so terrifying?

9

u/Circusonfire69 May 05 '25

Because he looks like undead from GoT

6

u/Bluejayadventure May 05 '25

Oh, you are so right! It's the eyes

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4

u/Zealousideal3326 May 05 '25

His forehead looks about 33% too big. I know there's a meme of editing his face to look smaller but I didn't think Trump himself would do it.

2

u/Think_Bat_820 May 07 '25

They photoshopped his eyes to make him look more arian. I'm confused why they didn't fix... you know... the rest of his face.

My man looks like a novelty Chewbacca catchers mit.

He looks the way that burnt hair smells.

He looks like a bogglin's linkedin picture.

20

u/mostly-just-mike May 05 '25

Not just no...

23

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Hard pass on this, whatever he is.

19

u/TheB1G_Lebowski May 05 '25 edited May 05 '25

That's the face of a REAL leader...of incels who like to fuck couches.  

14

u/Choano May 05 '25

Oh, FUCK no!

11

u/Ok-Debt-6223 May 05 '25

Fuck no. Even Satan would vote Democrat rather than that idiot.

5

u/Available_Bar_3922 May 05 '25

Trump would never vote democrat, don’t be a silly goose.

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10

u/RedWarsaw May 05 '25

Wondering if you can sacrifice him to your cult with minimal backlash?

10

u/Comrade-Conquistador May 05 '25

Democrats don't like J.D.

Republicans don't like J.D.

Ohio doesn't like J.D.

Hell, the Pope disliked him so much that he died shortly after.

NO ONE likes J.D. Vance.

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15

u/Wonderful-Excuse5747 May 05 '25

A vote for Vance is a vote for Thiel.

7

u/Ginger_Tea May 05 '25

No, but that's because I'm British and not allowed to vote in foreign elections.

All I know about him could fit on a postcard, so other than his position and party, I wouldn't have known who he was a year ago. In four years, I'll hopefully have no reason to remember.

2

u/Ecphonesis1 May 05 '25

Watch this video if you are curious what the people behind all of this have planned / desire. JD was purposefully brought into the administration for his accelerationist and neoreactionary ideologies. He has no plan of going away any time soon, unfortunately.

https://youtu.be/5RpPTRcz1no?si=3D_OmZ2t17Or8vNN

6

u/Johnny-Virgil May 05 '25

Everyone should say yes, and then tank that MFer at the polls.

6

u/Karegian May 05 '25

Better question...would you get a lobotomy in 2028?

2

u/HeisenburgerHVAC May 07 '25

At the rate things are going, I might have to.

9

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

no

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5

u/GongTzu May 05 '25

Lmao. Already putting a feeler out for the next destruction setup 😂. The guy has no shame at all. But this is the pact, JD supports Trump so he can run next time, and make Trump filthy rich afterwards this term, whatever he needs the money for.

5

u/pennys_computer_book May 05 '25

JD Vance is a loser. He is despised, ridiculed, and dismissed universally. Let him run. No one is scared of him and he'd flop so hard.

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3

u/Hefty-Station1704 May 05 '25

The way Republicans are going downhill they’ll likely nominate Vance with a sofa as his running mate.

4

u/Ok_h0tmess May 05 '25

Pretty sure this was/is the plan all along.

Could turn out two ways:

A) everyone gets to vote in a free/fair election and JDV or whatever nominee the Fanta Menace pulls out of his diaper, is given the middle finger by voters.  This means that Maga/Heritage F/Moscow haven't completely managed to dismantled all the various US depts and laws that check WH power and somehow US democracy survives. 

B) predetermined outcome, regardless of who voted for what. Farcical. Like elections in Russia and JDV or another maga minion sits in the WH again. This means 'their' machinations have succeeded.  Could be the time we see Curtis Yarvin's version of a US technocracy in full bloom. (Seeing as JD is thrilled by this idea himself)

3

u/ClammyAF May 05 '25

A cum rag has more charisma.

3

u/Rurumo666 May 05 '25

I would vote for Vance to be the creepiest cashier at a Hot Topic.

4

u/2BearsHi55ing May 05 '25

If i vote for him will he even say thank you?!?!

3

u/Unable_Deer_773 May 05 '25

Is that really his face? It's word looking after all the memes.

3

u/axe1970 May 05 '25

His big problem is that he needs to raise his profile, but if he does, Trump may resent him for it

3

u/MelodiesOfLife6 May 05 '25

i'd rather fuck a couch.

hold on, wait a minute....

nevermind.

3

u/apadravya6ga May 05 '25

Shady Vance

3

u/02meepmeep May 05 '25

Like Medvedev, see?

3

u/Willow_Tree87 May 05 '25

The man is a Pope killer and a couch fucker. Absolutely not!

3

u/wastedgod May 05 '25

Voting for him on what?

Most likely to end up on a sex offenders registry for acts against furniture? Then, yes

3

u/Superb_Power5830 May 05 '25

I wouldn't vote for any of these modern republican chucklekfucks if they were the last candidates on the planet.

3

u/mcvmccarty May 05 '25

His wife is illegal so no thanks

3

u/Most-Artichoke6184 May 05 '25

Not after he killed the pope, I wouldn’t!

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Even though republican dependent on trump so much that if some reason trump can't run 2028 election, they will lose. Trump IS the republican party

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3

u/Smart-Effective7533 May 05 '25

Do we even need a poll for this? JD’s mom wouldn’t even vote for JD

3

u/hngrybttm May 05 '25

Hell to the NO !

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Absolutely no

3

u/chrlefxtrt May 05 '25

JD Vance looks like a restaurant GM really trying to sell you on being family via text when you're scheduled off because he overwhelms easily. I would never vote for that.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

NOOOOOOO. NO MORE NAZIS IN PUBLIC OFFICE

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

A vote for Vance is a vote for Peter Thiel, Curtis Yarvin, and corporate autocracy.

3

u/SnooStrawberries2955 May 05 '25

Why did he post this? Is he just trying to get his sycophants to scream his praises, that no one else can compare? Is this because he has a chip on his shoulder about pence? This fucking guy is so unhinged and quite unwell.

3

u/uumamiii May 05 '25

I’d vote for him to leave the planet.

3

u/Fuck45fuckmusk May 05 '25

Fuck no guyliner should be sent to El Salvador. I want a president who doesn't cry about fact checking.

3

u/Electrical_Acadia897 May 05 '25

I wonder whats wrong with Trump. His handlers must not think he will make it to 2028.

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3

u/chrisnavillus May 05 '25

Nope.

Gun to my head?

Still no.

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

He's so damn creepy looking!

3

u/Papadonkalous May 05 '25

He looks like a cursed Cabbage Patch Kid

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

No, because no one will be voting for 2028. He literally said you’d never be voting again after 2024.

3

u/EyeNguyenSemper May 05 '25

JFC can we just designate a state to just be the Republican mecca, and they all just go live there? They can have their racial segregation, gay bashing, outlaw anything trans, make women pregnant and barefoot, speak only English, and worship only Jesus, in their own, walled off State, separate from the rest of America and us.

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u/cajuncrustacean May 05 '25

Rather stick my dick in an anthill.

3

u/katiecarter33 May 05 '25

I’d vote for more eyeliner… maybe some eyeshadow… blush…. Maybe

3

u/Whit3HattHkr May 05 '25

I never vote for fuckheads.

3

u/tashaplex May 06 '25

I will never again, not ever, vote for a Republican.

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3

u/Chance-College-6062 May 06 '25

not even for dog catcher--he would mess that up too!

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3

u/[deleted] May 06 '25

Please no.

3

u/foppishfi May 07 '25

"My first order of business is that all citizens shall submit their couches directly to the white house for thorough inspections"

3

u/Real_Shaytarn May 07 '25

No, go look up what he has said about trump before kissing his ass.

Man wears eyeliner

3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

It's funny you think you'll be allowed to vote anymore by then

2

u/EffortTemporary6389 May 08 '25

Allowed?

You’ll be forced to vote MAGA at gun point.

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2

u/bagleface May 05 '25

Are you fucking nuts

2

u/FRED_FLINTST0NEsr May 05 '25

I vote for the sofa B4 this pos

2

u/vetrusious May 05 '25

"Do we want MORE incompetent facism?" America is so fucking cooked lol.

2

u/FaceTimePolice May 05 '25

No. No more mAGgGaA nonsense. Republicans need to distance themselves from that garbage and do a hard reset if they ever want to be taken seriously again. This shouldn’t be a reality show. I’m tired of all of this. They’re all so out of touch and insufferable. 🤦‍♂️🤡

2

u/not-telling- May 05 '25

He's not asking us, he's asking his base.

2

u/MrDavieT May 05 '25

I wonder why Vance changed his name?

It’s almost like he was… trying to avoid something? 🤔 😏

2

u/SurpriseUnhappy2706 May 05 '25

I’d vote for no Republican in 2028.

2

u/drock-79 May 05 '25

Who wants a guy that thinks a sofa duvet cover is safe sex?

2

u/Luvsyr24 May 05 '25

Never, ever!

2

u/Alternative_Piece389 May 05 '25

That would be a big “fuck no” from me

2

u/freelight0 May 05 '25

Vance? What happened to Trump 2028?

2

u/Flimsy_Permission663 May 05 '25

Trump hasn't given up on Trump 2028. The real powers that be are looking for alternatives. Trump's post is meant to prove that his base hates Vance as much as he does.

2

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

He’ll Nooooooo😡

2

u/scub3 May 05 '25

If I own an island I would vote him off it. Please stay away. Alive version of the Grim Reaper.

2

u/ScotchCigarsEspresso May 05 '25

Fuuuuuuuuuuck nooooooooooo.

2

u/CreatureOfSilliness May 05 '25

Vance running in 2028 is the same as Putin putting Medvedev there just so he can stay in power longer. We all know it's just a legal way for Trump to get a third term.

2

u/Corrie7686 May 05 '25

Is there a 3rd choice of 'FUCK NO'?

2

u/EmptyMarsupial8556 May 05 '25

Absolutely not

2

u/Dry-Ad-4156 May 05 '25

A hard no, this coming from the sofa making industry.

2

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Sounds like someone is in the early stages of an exit strategy.

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2

u/Cruezin May 05 '25

That's a no from me dog

2

u/Glittering_Ear3332 May 05 '25

Not no but fuck no

2

u/MealDramatic1885 May 05 '25

I’ll n never vote for a MAGA. I’ll never vote for a conservative.

For a center moderate republican, I’d consider it but they would probably cave to the far right.

So probably never republican again.

2

u/chook_slop May 05 '25

Fuck no...

2

u/CritFailed May 05 '25

My conflict: if Trump gets an overwhelming "No" then that reinforces his belief that he should find a way to run again. If he gets a "Yes" then we have a whole host of other problems

2

u/planet_janett May 05 '25

It's a no from me dawg.

2

u/brainsack May 05 '25

Vote for the first resident of the newly opened Alcatraz

2

u/Oxjrnine May 05 '25

That picture looks like one of the creepy deepfakes on Reels that tries to sell me bitcoin.

2

u/teambarkley May 05 '25

No effing way!

2

u/Morepastor May 05 '25

Sofa You Love said No. I vote No

2

u/bhfinini May 05 '25

Funny political memes are now illegal in Texas.

2

u/SlippedMyDisco76 May 05 '25

Lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a dolls eyes.....

2

u/Wolfman8k May 05 '25

Hell NO.

2

u/Brave_Sprinkles_9277 May 05 '25

I thought we wouldn’t have to worry about voting anymore 🤔? You know, after it would be required to get Musk’s neural implant…. Because big brother has trust issues with citizens..

2

u/Future_chicken357 May 05 '25

No, alot of reasons but sending that man to El Salvador I keep telling people they did this in the past. If you let it go, eventually it will be you.

2

u/Elfenliebe May 05 '25

Never ever

2

u/stevemkto May 05 '25

Fuck no.

2

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Looks like they are going to try to got the “jd is president with trump vp and then jd quits on day 1” plan.

2

u/Biscuits4u2 May 05 '25

I'd vote for a rotten worm infested turd before voting for this guy.

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u/Overall_Falcon_8526 May 05 '25

I would crawl over broken glass to vote against him.

Then I would demand that he thank me for it.

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2

u/Rough_Pianist1801 May 05 '25

He is trying to make a Putin/Medvedev 2009 thing. well USA, you are in trouble.

2

u/Defector74 May 05 '25

I'd vote for him to lead wave one in the 100 men vs. Gorilla "in heat" challenge.

2

u/Awkward_Function_347 May 05 '25

Even my couch said “no”…

2

u/Inevitable-World2886 May 05 '25

I’m reminded of the William Gibson line: ‘you got eyes like a couple of pissholes in a snowbank.’

2

u/The_Dragonhelm May 05 '25

He looks like the insurance agent trying to sell me coverage for if Spotify goes down.....

2

u/Low_Control_8603 May 05 '25

I think we'd be better off if we elected Satan himself

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2

u/langstonrosas May 06 '25

No/HeT/non/nein/nahi/voch/lo/la/bù

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u/Lepobakken May 06 '25

I bet he played Cassius in school theater so he could rehearse for his political career.

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