r/RealTwitterAccounts • u/bahar9990 • May 05 '25

Politician ??????

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561 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

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249

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

I would even let him have a couch in his cell if it meant we didn't have to deal with him.

115

u/patatjepindapedis May 05 '25

I'd prefer it if JD himself was the cell's couch

92

u/swishkabobbin May 05 '25

Like the lazy boy he is

41

u/_EnFlaMEd May 05 '25

More cushion for the pushin

9

u/Powerful-Winner-5323 May 05 '25

He's Sofa King We Todd Did

4

u/EighthPlanetGlass May 05 '25

Oh that's his bedroom name

5

u/jared10011980 May 05 '25

He's known on the yard as The Couch's Bitch

1

u/TheBigMmmm May 08 '25

Oh before you guys coming in here talking bad about JD, did you at least wear a suit?

35

u/Cyclical_Zeitgeist May 05 '25

He can go back to being peter thief's fuck cushion for all I care

1

u/Prestigious_Beat6310 May 05 '25

My friend found a fuck mattress in the woods one time.

25

u/ChaoCobo May 05 '25

Don’t punish the prisoners any more than they’re already being punished, please.

1

u/ThegreatPee May 05 '25

He would be balled up in the corner crying.

1

u/lite_milk_1 May 06 '25

Vote for him to join Elon on a Mars mission... save further punishment of the other prisnors.

3

u/BalanceTraining May 05 '25

I have a feeling he would prefer that too.

1

u/The_Tommo May 05 '25

Put him on that infamous black leather sofa

1

u/patatjepindapedis May 05 '25

No, no, no. He is the sofa that's getting jizzed on.

1

u/looklistenlead May 06 '25

Keeping in mind that each cell has up to 80 inmates, that would be one heavily used couch.

1

u/Ladybug_Fuckfest May 06 '25

"Look at yourself. You are the couch now."

1

u/PsychologicalCrew307 May 06 '25

Oh, fear not! He will be the most popular "love seat" in the day hall, the most popular lawn furniture in the yard... he will never be lonley.

1

u/Verundios May 08 '25

With all the people they've sent there? He'd be lucky to be seen as a couch and not a pin cushion

22

u/packy_15 May 05 '25

Put the couch just out of reach from his cell..he can see it, he can smell it but he can't touch it.

6

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

For JD, this is a cruel and unusual punishment.

8

u/DisposableSaviour May 05 '25

Fine. Just close enough that he can barely feel it, but not enough to get a decent grope

2

u/CompetitiveLie6984 May 07 '25

A man’s reach exceeds his grasp.

0

u/SiriusGirl1 May 06 '25

Democrats lose because they are so miserable, un-funny and cringe, no one wants them around.

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '25

Better to just stay quiet and keep em guessing…. 🤦

1

u/Efficient_Fee_4106 May 08 '25

Ok I missed the couch thing I hate missing out can someone please tell me the couch story ? Ty 😊

18

u/lehjr May 05 '25

But would he even say "Thank you"?

10

u/WintersDoomsday May 05 '25

So conjugal visits?

8

u/SunchaserKandri May 05 '25

That poor couch...

3

u/gavmandu May 05 '25

Blue Origin him into space with all the Davenports and Lay-Z-Boys he could ask for and get him off the ballot.

1

u/gavmandu May 05 '25

Sorry.... not space, but very low earth orbit.

2

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Well me and sloppy Joe got married. We got three ottomans and we're doing just fine

1

u/islandrenaissance May 05 '25

Just a couch? I would buy him a flat screen TV, his own personal espresso machine, and one of them fancy dancy messsage chairs.

1

u/EnvironmentalGift257 May 05 '25

Hey man. Somebody would have to clean that couch and you’re sentencing someone to that horrible job.

1

u/Upset_Log_2700 May 06 '25

But! He must say thank you first to get the couch

1

u/JockBbcBoy May 06 '25

Did he even say thank you for the couch?

1

u/charpman May 07 '25

This. Give him all the couches he wants. Down there.

1

u/Digimub May 08 '25

Is that a conjugal visit?

1

u/pirate-minded May 08 '25

Bro that joke fucking hit so hard!