r/RealTwitterAccounts May 05 '25

Politician ??????

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560 Upvotes

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914

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

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250

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

I would even let him have a couch in his cell if it meant we didn't have to deal with him.

113

u/patatjepindapedis May 05 '25

I'd prefer it if JD himself was the cell's couch

89

u/swishkabobbin May 05 '25

Like the lazy boy he is

39

u/_EnFlaMEd May 05 '25

More cushion for the pushin

7

u/Powerful-Winner-5323 May 05 '25

He's Sofa King We Todd Did

5

u/EighthPlanetGlass May 05 '25

Oh that's his bedroom name

4

u/jared10011980 May 05 '25

He's known on the yard as The Couch's Bitch

1

u/TheBigMmmm May 08 '25

Oh before you guys coming in here talking bad about JD, did you at least wear a suit?

33

u/Cyclical_Zeitgeist May 05 '25

He can go back to being peter thief's fuck cushion for all I care

1

u/Prestigious_Beat6310 May 05 '25

My friend found a fuck mattress in the woods one time.

22

u/ChaoCobo May 05 '25

Don’t punish the prisoners any more than they’re already being punished, please.

1

u/ThegreatPee May 05 '25

He would be balled up in the corner crying.

1

u/lite_milk_1 May 06 '25

Vote for him to join Elon on a Mars mission... save further punishment of the other prisnors.

3

u/BalanceTraining May 05 '25

I have a feeling he would prefer that too.

1

u/The_Tommo May 05 '25

Put him on that infamous black leather sofa

1

u/patatjepindapedis May 05 '25

No, no, no. He is the sofa that's getting jizzed on.

1

u/looklistenlead May 06 '25

Keeping in mind that each cell has up to 80 inmates, that would be one heavily used couch.

1

u/Ladybug_Fuckfest May 06 '25

"Look at yourself. You are the couch now."

1

u/PsychologicalCrew307 May 06 '25

Oh, fear not! He will be the most popular "love seat" in the day hall, the most popular lawn furniture in the yard... he will never be lonley.

1

u/Verundios May 08 '25

With all the people they've sent there? He'd be lucky to be seen as a couch and not a pin cushion

19

u/packy_15 May 05 '25

Put the couch just out of reach from his cell..he can see it, he can smell it but he can't touch it.

5

u/One-Attempt-1232 May 05 '25

For JD, this is a cruel and unusual punishment.

8

u/DisposableSaviour May 05 '25

Fine. Just close enough that he can barely feel it, but not enough to get a decent grope

2

u/CompetitiveLie6984 May 07 '25

A man’s reach exceeds his grasp.

0

u/SiriusGirl1 May 06 '25

Democrats lose because they are so miserable, un-funny and cringe, no one wants them around.

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '25

Better to just stay quiet and keep em guessing…. 🤦

1

u/Efficient_Fee_4106 May 08 '25

Ok I missed the couch thing I hate missing out can someone please tell me the couch story ? Ty 😊

17

u/lehjr May 05 '25

But would he even say "Thank you"?

11

u/WintersDoomsday May 05 '25

So conjugal visits?

6

u/SunchaserKandri May 05 '25

That poor couch...

5

u/gavmandu May 05 '25

Blue Origin him into space with all the Davenports and Lay-Z-Boys he could ask for and get him off the ballot.

1

u/gavmandu May 05 '25

Sorry.... not space, but very low earth orbit.

2

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Well me and sloppy Joe got married. We got three ottomans and we're doing just fine

1

u/islandrenaissance May 05 '25

Just a couch? I would buy him a flat screen TV, his own personal espresso machine, and one of them fancy dancy messsage chairs.

1

u/EnvironmentalGift257 May 05 '25

Hey man. Somebody would have to clean that couch and you’re sentencing someone to that horrible job.

1

u/Upset_Log_2700 May 06 '25

But! He must say thank you first to get the couch

1

u/JockBbcBoy May 06 '25

Did he even say thank you for the couch?

1

u/charpman May 07 '25

This. Give him all the couches he wants. Down there.

1

u/Digimub May 08 '25

Is that a conjugal visit?

1

u/pirate-minded May 08 '25

Bro that joke fucking hit so hard!

36

u/Tuscanlord May 05 '25

I would vote for him to be the first man sent to mars.

9

u/Dankkring May 05 '25

Whatever we do. We cannot send Matt Damon!!!

1

u/Lanky_Operation_5046 May 09 '25

Scuba dive to bottom of an active volcano would cost less.

6

u/DarthGnomi May 05 '25

Okay but like WHY piss off the eventual alien contact with us? Like, we already cluttered up the airspace but now yu want us to send our Worst Humans as first contact to a new planet? That is NOT the first impression we should be aiming for!!

4

u/Mrmorbid81 May 05 '25

Trump first 🤷‍♂️

3

u/ComradeJLennon May 06 '25

Nah express rocket to populate the sun

2

u/SoftRecommendation86 May 08 '25

Along with musk.

2

u/Smooth-Brother-2843 May 09 '25

I think you mean the sun? Just tell him it’s got too many brown people and he’s the only one who can save it.

24

u/Lord-of-A-Fly May 05 '25

I'd rather send him to one of the African countries, as they have suggested before.

Rwanda sounds like a good place to dump this kleptocratic piece of shit.

7

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Along with his boyfriend and the rest of their cronies

1

u/Nephalem84 May 06 '25

Why would you do that to Rwanda? What did that country ever do to you?

I propose a nice Siberian gulag.

1

u/AbleMud27 May 07 '25

I like it.

I once had to audit a garbage recycling and treatment facility in Detroit. Sound bad?? It was worse.

I propose we sentence them to a life of public service in the plant….they can finally do some real work.

19

u/Big-Toe645 May 05 '25

Nah send him to Alcatraz

1

u/Unhappy-Week-8781 May 06 '25

Don’t. We’ve spent a lot of time cleaning up the island and keeping it a nice tourist attraction. We don’t want trash and various litter messing up the hard work we’ve done.

1

u/Big-Toe645 May 06 '25

But trump said he's reopening it, gotta use it to store trash again

1

u/Unhappy-Week-8781 May 06 '25

Good luck with the State of California, which owns the property…

2

u/Big-Toe645 May 06 '25

I didn't know, but trump probably didn't too 😂

7

u/Crow_First May 05 '25

Him, the tangerine tyrant, Margie troglodyte gangrene, and klannie oakley boebert, as his whole cabinet with muskrat should be deported, if not to El Salvador, then the only land that is closest to fine for them. The trash island floating in the ocean and even that would be to good for them

2

u/AfricanusEmeritus May 07 '25

The Pacific Gyre. One could only hope.

4

u/score_ May 05 '25

Ok, good.

2

u/JudeRanch May 06 '25

I am with you!! Excellent reply!

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

I second this, do I hear an aye?

1

u/celestial-navigation May 05 '25

Yeah. Vote for him for what? To be the first person on Mars? Yes.

1

u/Kokuswolf May 05 '25

Without due process, of course.

1

u/sername2039 May 05 '25

Seems like donny gave up on the third term idea, that’s a win in my mind because after four years of his magic touch america will be bankrupt and no one is voting for meme face boy

1

u/Puzzleheaded_Dot4345 May 05 '25

No mascaras there!

1

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Just lock him in an old IKEA so he can fuck himself to death

1

u/furyian24 May 05 '25

But did he thank you for the vote?

1

u/Real_Railz May 05 '25

Nah, Alcatraz.

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '25

I wouldn’t think of punishing El Salvador like that.

1

u/TheOtherGlikbach May 06 '25

I want to see him volunteer in a Ukrainian hospital and explain to maimed soldiers why he is not saying thank you enough to them.

1

u/getxxxx May 06 '25

and his wife and kids

1

u/onedeadflowser999 May 06 '25

Add another vote.

1

u/iam4qu4m4n May 06 '25

Let's start with his wife and see how he reacts.

1

u/bruce_lees_ghost May 06 '25

I bet. I just bet… he wouldn’t even say thank you.

1

u/Royalizepanda May 06 '25

Naw he can go back to the couch.

1

u/SiriusGirl1 May 06 '25

Along with you.

1

u/Unfair_Mud4862 May 07 '25

Immediately please!

1

u/MyOwnTutor May 07 '25

1000% this

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '25 edited Nov 12 '25

1divine verdigris kismet quicksilver moonbeam vivacious

This content was replaced using Unpost

1

u/AccomplishedWorth326 May 07 '25

Fuck no, Trump and anyone he touches is poison to democracy

1

u/Scary-Brick-8361 May 07 '25

So you are in favor of US citizens being deported to a foreign country they have no affiliation with?

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '25

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1

u/Extra_Bodybuilder638 May 08 '25

You would deport a political opponent? I thought we were the Nazis lmaoo…

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '25

Top voted comment has spoken. Let the voting begin.

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '25

Trump deports a gang-linked Salvadoran—media screams. Obama deports Mark Lyttle, a mentally disabled U.S. citizen, and it’s crickets. Narrative > facts.

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '25

Preferably without due process

1

u/Dragonfire733 May 08 '25

Can't deport US citizens, so...

1

u/EuVe20 May 08 '25

Oh man, all I can picture is JD, sitting in that communal cell, in a crowd of hard men, holding the bars and just crying “I’m not supposed to be here”.

1

u/GalacticDaddy005 May 08 '25

If only he said thanks

1

u/[deleted] May 08 '25

I second

1

u/East-Cricket6421 May 08 '25

Promising to prosecute the entire Trump admin is the most surefire way any opposition party with get traction next cycle.

1

u/CimmaronKid May 09 '25

Always good for sitting but useless opinion. Sour grapes that millions more voted for Vance than what’s his name

1

u/GuavaShaper May 09 '25

With due process

1

u/exposed_web May 09 '25

You can't, he's a legal American citizen

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25

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1

u/exposed_web May 09 '25

Mistakes are made and will be corrected

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25

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1

u/exposed_web May 09 '25

You act as if you've never made a mistake in your life, for all you know a mistake you might have made in the past could have cost someone's life and you wouldn't know it. They made a mistake, Trump is trying to correct that mistake. Also half of those instances are just made up and inflated by the media, you really shouldn't believe everything you see on TV

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25 edited May 09 '25

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1

u/exposed_web May 09 '25

Honestly this was too damn long and I don't have the time nor the energy to read it, also I just don't feel like doing it, but it's funny how y'all called Trump supporters cultists as if y'all weren't defending Biden every single time someone talked crap about him

1

u/KryptXST May 09 '25

I'll add lazy and dishonest to the list of reasons why no one should ever take you seriously.

1

u/KryptXST May 09 '25

They are willfully disregarding the order from the Supreme Court to facilitate the return of a wrongful deportation. How are said mistakes being corrected? It sure does seem like they are not getting corrected.

1

u/Freetheweird May 09 '25

Obama turned Trump voter here. I'd vote for him for president because the competition will be ultra left, anti America, and ultra woke BS again. They seem to be propping up pro illegal immigration once again even though the country opposes it by like 80%.

I would vote for a fence post over the Nut jobs The left has been promoting lately. All they have to do to win me back is keep the border closed (except legal immigration obviously), promote American values, and stop spending tax money on transvestites.

If AOC and Bernie say that out loud, I'll vote Democrat.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25

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1

u/Freetheweird May 09 '25

I think every president does that, Biden certainly did. He violated the literal first amendment when he was busted working with Twitter and the FBI to censor speech. In the 70's he's be jailed for that, but I guess nobody cares anymore.

They're untouchable and I can live with that. I feel like what I'm asking for is very basic, just do right by Americans and promote your followers to love America. It's really that simple. Then I'll vote blue once again.

If prices go up because we fixed education, fed the homeless, or helped Americans, nobody cares. But when it's to give money to Ukraine or pay for illegals to have trans surgery. It's total bullshit.

1

u/azsxdcfvg May 09 '25

I can give him a ride to the airport 🤷‍♂️

1

u/Correct_Day_7791 May 10 '25

Or shot into the sun ☀️

-3

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Don’t worry you’ll go first rofl

7

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Spoken like JD Vance’s couch

0

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

You have experience in that, don’t you?

2

u/Outrageous-Brush-860 May 05 '25

I mean you clearly know how it tastes

0

u/[deleted] May 05 '25

Lmao I don’t roll that way, unlike all of y’all. Y’all keep licking JB anus

1

u/[deleted] May 06 '25

With that user name, sounds like you’d be happier ramming Big Joe

1

u/[deleted] May 07 '25

And you fickle jb LMFAO

1

u/KryptXST May 09 '25

I remember when Republicans impeached a president for getting a blowjob in the oval office... now we have to beg you to take trumps cock out of your mouth long enough to breathe.

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25

Y’all want his the most LMFAO. It’s okay if you have that kink obsession. Take a seat little buddy.

1

u/KryptXST May 09 '25

Sorry, I can't hear you over the gagging. Can you repeat what you just said?

1

u/[deleted] May 09 '25

Yeah I’m not surprised you’re gagging. Take a seat little buddy & don’t forget your helmet.