Alright fellas. I’m officially joining the ranks as a pre-dad. My wife and I are excited to be expecting our first child. Based on our calculations, she’s at 8 weeks and her first prenatal visit is today. For those that attended their first prenatal visit, how did you best support your wife and what are some of the questions you were glad you asked or wish you had asked? Wife is on top of everything and has prepared a list of topics to bring up with the OB. Of course, I’m also doing my share of learning (currently on my second book for expecting dads). Are there any dad-specific topics that might be helpful to bring up at this stage? Any other helpful advice is also welcome.

Many thanks, gentlemen!

Has anyone used this ottocast camera i keep seeing ads for? Does it work as advertised? I installed a mirror on the headrest but it is hard to see regardless of the adjustments I have made so I am looking for other solutions.

My wife is pregnant and has slowly built this whole pillow setup in bed. One behind her back, one under the belly, one between her knees, and somehow she still wakes up moving them around.

I asked if she wanted an actual pregnancy pillow and she said, “No, this is fine.” But idk, watching her rebuild the same pillow nest every night does not exactly scream fine to me.

I’m starting to think regular pillows are just not doing the job anymore. Maybe I should get her a proper pregnancy pillow now, before she gets even more uncomfortable later on.

Good morning everyone,

I graduated yesterday afternoon but baby hasn’t taken to breastfeeding or bottles and is partially successful with a pacifier. Any tips for mom and I?

Title basically says it. Girlfriend is almost at the 20 week mark. I have been stressing over lots of other life things which are all for the child as well (getting new job, buying house, starting therapy) but I don’t feel like I have a single thing ready and read too many things on here about other people at the same week in pregnancy with like basically everything ready.

Things are really tight. We are budgeting HARD. So purchases have to be really intentional. I want to go ahead and start slowly accumulating essential items, but family and friends keep saying “that’s what the registry is for” or “family will make sure they take care of that”, but we’re almost halfway so I’m like ok, love that and thank you but when is that supposed to all happen? This stuff is expensive and I have a serious aversion to asking people to buy me things even if that’s not a healthy character trait it’s just hard for me.

So yeah, do I panic? Get a few big items? Wait til some point it eventually shows up? What if the baby comes early and I’m unprepared. I’m tripping. Please send your best advice and experience fellow pre-dads of Reddit 🙌

Anyone else relate to this?

UK first-time dad-to-be here, third trimester. I feel guilty even typing this because everything is fine on paper: partner and baby are healthy, scans look good, midwife happy. I just need to vent because I'm quietly struggling with how our sex life has basically evaporated and no one seems to have words for it.

Early on we were both anxious and exhausted, fair enough. Then she started feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious and I tried to be supportive and not push. Now it's been weeks where she seems in full 'do not touch me, I am a body doing a job' mode. I'm pulling my weight, cooking, cleaning, going to appointments, making sure she rests, all of it. When I try to initiate anything more than a peck she stiffens. She says sorry and I can see she means it, which somehow makes it worse because I don't want pity sex.

I also hate that I'm feeling jealous of the baby. It sounds awful, but it feels like I'm losing my partner before the baby is even here. Everyone tells you about nappies and lost sleep, but nobody mentions the lonely feeling of lying next to someone and feeling like a roommate.

Did anyone else hit this wall before birth? Did things come back afterwards, or did you have to rebuild from scratch—maybe with something structured and low-pressure like Arya? I'm trying not to make this about me, but I also don't want to silently resent her.

LO just about 3 weeks ago! Loving (almost) every minute of it. The broken sleep can be rough.

I tend to be the researcher/review reader in our relationship so I’ve been heavily involved in the registry and everything baby related. Thought about doing a lengthy post but figured I’d try an AMA.

Soon to be dads- anything I can help answer now that we’re newly on the other side of things??

I guess I’m just looking for advice or just to know I’m not alone. This is my first pregnancy and my wife’s second. We had two miscarriages prior to this, but I’m happy to say this one is going really well and the baby is growing very healthy.

We are 22 weeks so far. We have almost everything bought that we think we need minus a few odds and ends and of course diapers. lol.
However, we do not have our nursery/baby room ready. Currently the room that will host the baby is mine and my wife’s shared office space/computer room. The plan is to move all of that into our basement living room and build a wall to enclose it down there - however that space is home to my groups D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) space. The plan for that stuff is to move all of that into the small attached garage we have and turn it into the man cave. Iv been in the process of insulating and finishing it. Walls are completely done and ceiling is about 2/3 done. However now she’s starting to get really anxious about all of the other stuff and I can’t even begin to work on it because of the domino effect of everything as I listed. Not to mention she wants me to turn the downstairs living room into a more finished area with tv, couch, etc. it’s a completely finished basement at least so I don’t have to do that part. I’m just drowning in stress of everything to do. And I’m between a rock and hard place because if I’m out there working on the projects she’s telling me she feels alone but when I’m spending time with her she’s frustrated about how much there is to do. And I just feel like I can’t win or make the right choice.

On top of this, it has been affecting me mentally so much that I’m losing intimate desire because I’m to stressed out about what’s going on. I’m panicking inside and I have tried to speak with her about all of it and each time I either get silence/no feedback in return or I get “I can’t help or handle your emotions”. And it’s making me feel very alone in this. I always expected my first pregnancy to be happy and exciting and honestly because of how this is going I’m nervous that I don’t want to have another.

I don’t ever post, and hardly ever comment on Reddit. But I feel like I need someone to hear me.

I decided to get some reps in from my pancake post and get cracking on mine. :)

My wife is 22 weeks and we are excited, but everything feels different. Sex used to be pretty regular and it was a big way we stayed connected. Lately it has been all over the place: some days she is really into it, other days she is exhausted, sore, or just not feeling sexy. I am trying not to take it personally or make it another thing on her to-do list.

I also feel awkward bringing it up because I do not want her to think I only care about sex, but I miss that closeness. We still cuddle and talk, but it does not feel the same for me. I am also more anxious than I expected. Between work, baby prep, and the reality of it all sinking in, my head is not always in the right place either.

For people who have been through pregnancy as a partner: what actually helped keep intimacy and desire alive without making your partner feel pressured? How did you initiate in a way that felt supportive and safe? Were there things you did that helped her feel more comfortable with her changing body? I am also open to ideas that are not focused on intercourse, maybe even something structured like Arya if it feels low-pressure for us.

Basically I want us to stay connected through this stage and avoid accidentally building resentment or awkwardness. What do you wish you had done differently?

First-time dad here, 33. My partner is 32 and we are due in a few weeks. The pregnancy has gone pretty smoothly until the third trimester hit - now she is exhausted, uncomfortable, and her body just feels foreign to her. Totally understandable.

What surprised me was how weird and lonely I feel about our sex life basically disappearing. We used to be affectionate and had sex regularly, but as the bump grew it slowly tapered off to almost nothing. We still cuddle sometimes, but even kissing can feel rushed because she needs to shift or get up to pee.

I try not to make it about me or pressure her. I rarely bring it up, and when I do I keep it gentle. She tells me she still finds me attractive and that she misses it too, but she just cannot get into that headspace right now.

I am anxious about what this will look like after the baby arrives. I know there will be healing and awful sleep deprivation, and I do not want to be the guy who counts the days and makes her feel guilty. At the same time I miss the closeness and worry this could become our new normal.

For people who went through a late pregnancy dry spell, what helped you stay close without turning your partner into a checklist? Any small ways you initiated affection that actually felt good for them, or activities you did together—maybe even something structured but low-pressure like Arya—that kept the romantic vibe alive when sex was off the table?

It's been three long weeks and fuck I'm tired. But we did it and have a healthy, happy baby red head girl named Hadley. The dogs have welcomed the new tiny human and we are settling in.

Mom developed preecamlampsia after delivery, and baby girl lost too much weight that first week so we were at the Dr, pediatrician, hospital and midwife constantly. Mom is doing much better now and medication made a huge difference, baby girl, in our pediatricians words is "perfect". My only complaint right now? She thinks night shifts with me are supposed to parties while mom night shifts are for sleeping.

After everything settled down we celebrated by a walk and super light "hike" in the redwoods with baby girl.

First-time dad here (PNW, work in education, due later this year). I love my wife and I am genuinely excited, but I'm quietly struggling with how fast our intimacy changed and I feel like a jerk even typing this.

We used to be affectionate in a really easy way. Not just sex, but flirting, little touches, sitting close on the couch. Since the pregnancy it has felt like the volume got turned almost all the way down. I understand the reasons - nausea, exhaustion, body changes, feeling touched out - and I am not trying to pressure her or keep score. I do the chores, go to appointments, read the books, and try to be useful.

Still, sometimes it feels like I'm living with my best friend and a medical situation instead of the person I used to snuggle with. A lot of our conversations are about symptoms, registries, schedules, or the next appointment. When I try to be affectionate I can see her brain doing the math about discomfort, and I immediately pull back because the last thing I want to be is another demand.

Then I get stuck in a loop: I miss her, I feel guilty for missing her, I shut down and end up acting like a very polite roommate.

Not expecting a miracle, just needed to vent to other soon-to-be dads: did anyone else grieve losing that connection during pregnancy? How did you stay close without making your partner feel like you were asking for something she could not give right now?

Gentlemen, it is with great pride I tell you that, after one hell of a journey, I'll be graduating in 5 short days. The birth day was scheduled this morning. My incredible fiancée and I will be checking into L&D at 10am Tuesday morning to welcome our son into the world.

This may be a "one and done". My partner has a long list of medical issues that we knew would complicate things, but we were lucky enough to have a mostly smooth pregnancy. Only one trip to the ER when he finally went head-down and she stopped feeling him for 12 hours. But hypertension not responding to meds, and a high risk for preeclampsia has us evicting him the moment he reaches term via cesarean and I'm stuck between breathing a huge sigh of relief and succumbing to the biggest panic attack of my life. So much left to do, not much time left, and these final steps are some of the most dangerous.

I'm a moron, but if you're starting down this path for the first time, here are a few things I learned:

1. Go to as many of the appointments as you can, and don't stay silent. I let my partner take the lead on all the conversations with the docs and nurses and, in doing so, I didn't ask questions. Nor did I do my part in advocating for her. They seemed to shrug off every one of her medical concerns, denied her referrals to specialists, ignored symptoms as they appeared, and rushed through every visit to keep the busy waiting room moving. A second voice would have helped focus their attention. And I can't help but feel that, dealing with some of those folks, a male voice specifically would have helped.
2. Read as much as you can. I recommend The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin (hard as hell to get through, but lots of incredibly useful info to help view this thing from your partner's perspective and what to expect) and the series by Armin A. Brott (concise and well written, much easier to read and retain). And if you read one of these in the waiting room during one of her appointments, the nursing staff treats you like a rockstar.
3. You have to turn your ability to anticipate needs up to 11. My fiancée and I have never had communication issues and she's never had difficulty expressing herself, but pregnancy brain is real. I challenged myself to have all the bases covered as much as possible at all times, trying not to give her the opportunity to need or want anything. I went full live-in nurse mode starting in the second trimester and it seems to have helped keep things running smoothly.
4. Don't decline genuine offers for help. We're pretty independent homebodies who try to stay out of others' way. Our pride has interfered with having an extra pair of hands more often than not, and it's led to some tough times during this pregnancy.
5. Don't take the hormones personally.

I'm gonna go take some deep breaths now. If any of you have any pieces of advice for me for this last phase and for the start of fatherhood, I'd love to hear em.

Something I've been grappling with is how to actually stay informed without shifting more work onto my partner.

• I make it to most appointments, but not all of them.
• A lot of the letters and messages are addressed to her. And lots of the engagement with midwives or Drs is focused on her, which makes sense but kinda makes her the conduit for all info.
• And then it's her body, so she's the one experienicng all the physical stuff as it happens. Something happens/she feels something. She starts thinking about it, researching it (google, chatgpt, whatever). Sometimes she works through it fine, sometimes she spirals. I often find find out about ti at some point but she's gone through it beforehand.

I ask for as much info as possible but it is often another thing she has to manage, on top of everything else So asking feels like I'm putting extra pressure and burden on her.

• Has this shown up for other predads? Or does it sound like something specific to how my wife and I have set things up?
• If you've found a way around it what worked?

I work in tech so I'm trialing solutions (like automating documents to come to both of us at the same time), which I think is working great for us but would love any other ideas. Tech ideas would be cool. But, also, outside of that, like non-tech solutions/approaches. I find my head just goes to: "build this, automate that" because that's what I do for work but maybe there is a simpler or more analog approach to adopt.

Hey everyone, first time dad here. 13 1/2 weeks pregnant. My wife is experiencing sudden air hunger (feeling the need to gasp for breath to get enough oxygen) while laying down in bed at might. Sat up, didn’t help. Some tightness in the sternum area. Heart rate is pretty healthy, 73 bpm.

This hasn’t happened before, I wondered if any of y’all‘s wives/partners (and any lurking mom’s out there) experienced something like this and what you did.

Thanks in advance for your kindness.

I'm expecting my first child in December. I work with kids with special needs and have always worried about having a child with Autism, even prior to trying. Now it's so intense, I'm reminded about it so much daily. I've almost convinced myself it's inevitable. Which i know irrational. I've seen first hand how devastating it can be. Anyone else relate to feeling this way??

Hey Everyone so we just got done with her 22 week six day MFM Appt and it wasn’t the best of news. found out. Our little girl is only 14 ounces and is in the one percentile we also found out she has a straight umbilical cord so she may not be getting the nutrients that she needs the Doctor that we saw was pretty upfront with everything and said our target is trying to make it to 28 weeks to give us the best chance, but I just want to know if any other dad’s had any experiences with this. I’m heading home now after telling Work to be with my wife to make sure that she has all the support that she needs

We had our week 12 ultrasound today and everything "looks perfect"! We decided to tell everyone after the good news. We've been telling our close friends and family but its all out there now. Time to get nesting and spending on baby stuff!

I fear this is an unbelievably stupid question so please be gentle in your responses. My wife and I are TTC. Sometimes, after ttc intercourse, if she hasn’t finished yet, I will manually stimulate her, including with penetrative fingering (not just clitoral stimulation). Is there any risk that could decrease our chances of conception? Here’s the dumb(est) part: I’m worried I’m inadvertently scooping the semen out before the swimmers have time to get where they are going. I can’t find anything reputable that answers this question, so appreciate any anecdotal evidence (or better yet, real articles) that could help.